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Chapter Four- Radar.

Alex took in a deep breath and counted to ten; remembering all the steps. His breathing evened and he opened his eyes; running a hand over his face.

“I told you Taylor; no,” he repeated in a voice stronger than the last. He hoped she would get the hint and leave him alone.

“But I thought…” her voice trailed off; it no longer had the familiar aggressiveness to it.

“Well sorry to disappoint,” he replied and looked at his watch; great he would be late for work. “Look I have to go….”

“But can’t we just…” she cut herself off; letting out a deep sigh. “Fine. I’ll see you around Alex.”

“Sure,” he mumbled and closed the phone shut, “In another lifetime.”


Britney let out a small sigh as she entered the house; and held her breath as the sound of soft Latin music hit her ears. She checked her watch and shook her head; it was early, only five o’clock and he didn’t come home till seven at the latest.

“Zeke?” she called out and immediately the music stopped. She let out a long breath and placed her bag on the table nearby.

“Brit is that you baby?” he called; his voice sounding shaky and labored all at once.

“Yeah,” she replied and made her way forward. “What you doing home early?”

“I, uh…” she heard the hesitation in his voice as he struggled to come up with a viable answer. “I had a meeting.”

“At the house?” she asked and entered the kitchen; opening the fridge to get a bottle of water.

“Um, yeah,” he called back and she heard footsteps behind her; “They just left.” She heard the front door closing.

“Who was at the door?” she asked; turning around to see him standing in the doorway.

“Nobody,” he lied perfectly and walked up to her; wrapping her up in his arms. He smelt of sweat and alcohol. “I just closed the door behind you. You left it open.”

“Oh,” she answered; she could have sworn it had closed behind her.


Alex looked up and took in another deep breath as he shook his head; he couldn’t believe he was there again. Standing on the same street corner where the pebbles under his feet were more like rocks and the people around him had no idea why he was there.

“Ok,” he muttered to himself and ran a hand through his short hair. “I can do this.” He nodded to himself; giving himself reassurance and stepped towards the rusty brown building ahead of him. He made his way across the street and past the hot dog stand to his left; when he stopped; suddenly cold in his tracks. “I can’t do this.”

“Yes you can.” He turned slowly and produced a small smile as he came face to face with a man much taller than himself; Kevin Richardson.

“No I can’t Kev,” he muttered and looked down at his feet. The other man smiled and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“How long has it been?” Kevin asked Alex; causing him to look up and shrug. “That long huh?”

“Just a few days,” he admitted and shook his head. “I didn’t think it would take her to push me back.”

“Why don’t we go inside and talk?” Kevin asked; although he knew what the answer would be. Alex looked up at him and nodded; it was the reason he’d come here in the first place.

“Alright,” he replied and followed the older man into the building.


“I can’t help it that you’re paranoid.” She glared at him.

“I am not being paranoid Zeke,” Britney replied and held up the offending item for proof. It was then that she saw it; his face rapidly changed color and turned a deep shade of red. He turned away from her; not wanting to catch her eye.

“I thought that was yours,” he answered and fiddled with the knob of the door; he was itching to get out; away from her.

“I’m not a size zero Zeke,” she told him and flung the piece of black and red fabric at him. He stepped aside; allowing the object to fall to the floor by his feet.

“Well then I don’t know where it came from,” he lied and this time he actually allowed his hand to turn the knob.

“Where are you going?” she asked him and placed a hand on her hip. She was angry and he could tell.

“I have to work remember?” he asked her; using the line she used on him so often. His voice dripped with sarcasm.

“Now?” she asked and looked at her watch. It was close to ten. He sighed and shook his head.

“There’s this meeting…” he began and she cut him off; looking away from him as she did so.

“Yeah I know,” she told him and turned to face the window. “There’s always a meeting.”


“So?” Kevin looked at Alex with concern and the younger man sighed.

“So I broke up with her and she won’t stop calling me,” Alex finished his story and looked down at his hands, “It’s driving me crazy.”

“Crazy enough to fall of the wagon?” his sponsor asked and he looked at him. He knew the answer, but was afraid to repeat it out loud.

“Yeah,” he muttered and licked his lips. “Crazy enough.”

“And how did you stop yourself from reaching for that one drink?” Kevin asked looking at Alex.

“I counted to ten,” Alex answered automatically. It was a lesson he’s learnt from those few months in rehab. Count to ten and try and control it.

“And did it work?” Kevin asked; wanting to know. Alex looked at the older man and nodded.

“Surprisingly yeah,” he laughed because he’s never actually had to use the technique until then. He was shocked when it’d worked. Kevin smiled and patted him on the shoulder.

“That’s good,” he nodded and stood up slowly, Alex followed suit. “Then that’s all you have to do.”

“But what if it doesn’t work next time?” Alex asked panicked and grabbed Kevin’s arm as he made his way over to the coffee table. Kevin turned to face him and smiled.

“Then you know you’re in shit.”


It was a few days later but the weight of the black and red corset was still on her fingers.

“Why don’t you just leave him?” that was Emmy’s first question when she’d told her about the offending item the next day at work. Britney hadn’t answered, just shrugged her shoulders. She really didn’t know what to say because she didn’t want to leave him. She couldn’t.

Maybe it stemmed from the fact that ever since she was little she’d had a fear of being alone, a fear she tried so desperately not to consume her. So much so that she’d stay with the one man she knew was no good for her. Britney wasn’t stupid; she knew what Zeke was like. She’d lived with it for almost two years; smelling it and seeing it. It had consumed her entire being.

“So did you leave him yet?” Emmy asked as soon as she walked up to the counter; tying her apron securely around her waist. She looked at her friend and shook her head. Emmy sighed and threw her head back. “Damn Brit.”

“What?” Britney asked and turned to face her friend, “It’s not that simple.”

“Yeah it is,” Emmy muttered and Britney could tell they were about to get into a fight. It always happened, and the main instigator would be Zeke.

“It’s not,” Britney repeated firmly. “Look Emmy, I‘ve told you so many times before it’s not that simple ok? Leaving Zeke is just out of the question.”

“Yeah because he has money,” Emmy answered back angrily, “Damit Brit can’t you see it? He’s not in love with you all he wants is some trophy wife to take home to the boys. He wants someone who will let him just walk all over them; someone who’ll just shut up and listen to what ever crap he has to say. And I’m sorry to say this but that’s just not you.”

“I know…” Britney began, knowing her friend was right but not wanting to admit it as her own fears got in the way.

“I don’t think you do,” Emmy responded and gave her hard stare, “Because if you did you wouldn’t have found anything hiding in your bed.”

“Emmy…” Britney began; ready to tell her friend off for announcing her secret to the entire shop.

“What Brit it’s true and you know it,” Emmy answered and crossed her arms over her chest. Britney opened her mouth to respond back but was interrupted by a customer wanting his drink.

“Um, excuse me?” the man’s voice asked. Britney looked over to where the voice had come from; sending daggers his way and almost immediately regretted it. She looked away; her cheeks turning bright red. Emmy rolled her eyes at her.

“Sure,” Emmy nodded, turning back to the customer. “Sorry about that. What can I get you?”



“One soy milk latte.” Alex felt a flush creep up upon his cheeks as Howie’s friend took his order. He felt bad for eavesdropping upon their conversation especially after she’d shot a death defying stare at him but it hadn’t been his fault. He’d been patiently standing there for a few moments; trying to ignore the words that were coming out of her mouth.

“Damit Brit can’t you see it? He’s not in love with you all he wants is some trophy wife to take home to the boys. He wants someone who will let him just walk all over them; someone who’ll just shut up and listen to what ever crap he has to say. And I’m sorry to say this but that’s just not you.”

“I know…” She had a tint of anger and fear in her voice that Alex couldn’t quite place.

“I don’t think you do,” Emmy had responded and gave her hard stare, “Because if you did you wouldn’t have found anything hiding in your bed.”

“That’ll be four twenty five,” Emmy’s voice informed him, cutting through his thoughts. Alex shook his head and nodded; handing over the money. “Here’s your change.”

“Uh, thanks,” Alex smiled at her uneasily and took the change from her; before depositing it in the Nana jar.
He wanted to get out of there as fast as he could, not liking the situation. He felt uncomfortable, not only for himself but for the woman making his drink as well.
Uncomfortable situations always made him uneasy; and it was well known to anyone that knew him that he didn’t like them. He would begin to sweat and the craving would come back; tickling at the back of his throat ever so slightly.

He quickly jumped out of the way; pulling out his phone as he did so and dialing some familiar numbers, waiting for someone to pick up.

“Yes?” Kevin’s gruff voice came over the phone; he wasn’t used to be woken this early.

“Kev?” his voice was hoarse and he nervously looked around him; waiting for his drink.

“Alex? Where are you? Are you okay?” Kevin’s big brother voice asked. His voice had always made Alex feel calmer.

“I’m….. I don’t know,” Alex replied and licked his lips nervously before taking in a deep breath.

“Where are you?” Kevin repeated his question; this time allowing his voice to rise a bit more than necessary.

“Um,” Alex was unsure how to answer; now feeling like a bit of a fool for calling his sponsor this early.

“Alex…” Kevin’s strong voice cut through his thoughts. “Where are you? Are you alright?”

“Yeah I’m fine,” Alex nodded and let out a little laugh. “I’m at a coffee shop by my office.”

“Okay…” Kevin began unsure of how to take this news and wondering why his aspirant was acting the way he was n just a coffee shop. “Explain what’s going on.”

“I.. I just feel uncomfortable,” Alex responded with a sigh and he heard Kevin’s responsive sigh on the other end. “And I’m scared.”


Britney felt guilty as ever as she handed his drink to him. She could see the look in his eyes; something that was mixed with hurt and anger. She wished she hadn’t given him such an angry glare; after all it wasn’t his fault that he’d heard every word she told Emmy.

“It’s not his fault,” Emmy repeated in her ear and Britney growled; that had to be the third time in the past few minutes she’d said that. Britney watched as he made his way over to a far end table and sat down; surprised because he never sat and drank his coffee.


It only took an hour or so but soon enough Kevin was sitting opposite Alex in the coffee house; staring at him while he sipped on his soy milk latté.

“So is that her?” Kevin asked, looking over to the bar where she stood mixing coffees. Alex followed his gaze and shook his head.

“No that’s not Taylor,” he answered and took a sip of his drink.

“Then…” Kevin began confused.

“I don’t know her name,” he admitted truthfully and looked down at the table. “She’s a friend of a friend of a friend.”

“Is that all?” Kevin asked raising an eyebrow and Alex nodded. “Okay then; what’s going on?”

“I don’t know,” Alex replied and looked up at his sponsor, “I’ve just been feeling…. Well like I’m going to fall of the band wagon again.”

“Oh,” Kevin replied; he understood all too well where that came from. This was his third time sober. “We all feel like that.”

“But how do we stop it?” Alex asked. “I mean how do I stop myself from taking that one drink?”

“You just have to remember the twelve steps,” Kevin smiled reassuringly at him. “That’s what I did the last time I had a craving. It helps; trust me.”