Despite the holiday rush I was fortunate enough to be off the ground without any delays. You know how hectic things can get when traveling during these times. I was even more fortunate and thankful that I’d not bumped into Leigh or anyone else for that matter but I knew that eventually my luck was going to run out. Like it or not I was fully aware that I was only fighting the inevitable. Sooner or later I was going to have to face her. I was going to have to have that dreadful conversation with her. My only hope was that it would be later. Much later.

On my flight from Vegas to Florida, I decided to calm my nerves with those little bottles of alcohol provided by the airline. I know it may not have been the wisest decision on my part given recent events. I stared at each one of those bottles and cursed them all for their part in this mess I currently found myself knee deep in, right before I drank them. However, my reasoning skills were flawed. I was still suffering the physical aftermath and I heard once that the best cure for a hangover was to drink more, plus I could use a little liquid courage to help me for what was to come.

I’m still surprised the flight attendant not only hadn’t cut me off but instead continued supplying me more. I guess she figured I was a little ill at ease with flying. A misconception I was eternally grateful for. What is the cut off in an airplane anyway? When do they say enough’s enough? I had half a mind to test that question but the flight wasn’t long enough to get my answer. A more important question that bore into my mind was how could I not remember what happened last night? I’ve had friends in the past (Yes, I have friends, though few they may be.)that have claimed to have done some pretty crazy stuff they can’t recall even to this day after a night of heavy partying. Truthfully, I can’t say I ever believed it. I didn’t believe, no matter how much consumed, that it was possible that alcohol could cause memory loss. Only until now that it happened to me. I’ve heard of people suffering from blackouts. Was that what happened to me? Did I really blackout?

I shifted in my seat, stared straight into the bottle I was now clutching in my hand. The thought worried me some. I had a lot on my plate recently, my sisters pending wedding, though now it seemed minimal in comparison to a wedding I can’t remember occurring, and none of it I’ve had time to adjust to. Now to add to the mix was the possibility that I was turning into a blackout alcoholic. And that brought on another terrible thought, what about Alex? He’d been clean for several years now. What if as a result out our little drink-a-thon he’d revert to his old ways? I mean sure I was mad at him but the thought that I’d be solely responsible for leading him down a wretched path to his former self was one that would eat at me if it were to materialize. No, I didn’t force him. I certainly didn’t put a gun to his head and he is a big boy who is fully capable of making his own decisions, but did that make me any less at fault? A little voice inside my head said no, I was just as guilty, if not more than Alex. I’d just sat there like an evil temptress taking shot after shot, flaunting it around in front of him. The alcohol- not myself, although I’m sure he’d like to think otherwise on the latter. Oh my God, I’m a temptress too! One more thing to add to the list of the horrible things I was becoming.

I tried to shove all these negative things out of my mind, to shove him out of my mind. Now was not the time, I’d have plenty of time to drown in them later. If I thought about Alex any longer, I was going to drive myself up the wall, but I just couldn’t seem to stop myself. The harder I try, the harder the image of him would push itself through. I was beginning to look forward to going home. If anything, it would serve as the perfect distraction.

When my plane finally landed, I was greeted by the presence of my brother who had been patiently waiting.

“Gracie!” He cried out.

I hadn’t seen much him in years, save for the holidays, not since he’d left home after graduation and went backpacking cross country. I guess in a way we are much alike, in that aspect at least. We both spent more of our time traveling the world, never staying in one place for too long. Only I did it because it was a requirement so gracefully bestowed upon me by my employers and I had the luxury of airfare and five star hotels and most of my other expense paid for.

“Anthony.” I returned. He wrapped his arms around me and grimaced.

“Whew. Gracie. Have you been drinking?”

I cowered and kept my eyes away as I said, “just a little.”

He shook his head and tsked just before he threw his head back and laughed. “It’s been too long now. Who would have known that my little sister would take after me?”

Anthony had been known back in high school to chug a few down and had almost missed his own graduation after getting wasted the night before.

I shrugged. “I guess I learned from the best.”

From his response, I can only gather that he took my comment as some great achievement. Boys!

Anthony carried my bags to the car. I felt relief wash over me that he’d be here. Last year he had been a no show on account of his wife, Ingrid, who had just given birth to their third child. I’d heard there had been some complications that led to the baby being born prematurely. Thankfully, God had been listening to our families’ prayers. At a year old little Noah is a happy healthy baby.

With Anthony here this year, I had a feeling things would be a little more tolerable. He was the only one who didn’t pressure me into finding a husband and always came to my rescue whenever mom’s nagging about wanting grandchildren would turn less than favorable.

We did some catching up on the ride home. I asked him about his job and he asked about mine and of the places I’ve traveled. Wanting to change the subject as my employment was much too close to a certain person I didn’t want to think of right now, “So how’s backpacking?” I asked.

“Ah, Grace, I’m too old for that crap now. It was great while it lasted but eventually we all got to grow up sometime and become responsible adults.”

Reluctantly I nodded. I was far from being responsible adult right now. “Besides I don’t thing Ingrid would appreciate it if I did.”

True I doubted that his wife would allow it even though it was how they had met, but now with three kids, the wear and tear of the constant traveling, life on the road was unacceptable.

“No, I don’t suppose she would like it much if you just took off vacationing while she stays home with the kids.”

I was immensely grateful when the car finally pulled into the driveway. The second I had stepped outside and felt the breeze on my skin, I’d instantly regretted having consumed all those drinks. I was sure I hadn’t had enough to be feeling it the way I was. I guess I just hadn’t slept down last night’s intake. As I stood outside the front door of the house I’d grown up in, my mind confirmed that I had indeed made a terrible mistake.

I heard Anthony chuckle behind me. “No use in trying to sneak you in now, mom and dad have been amped up all week about seeing you. It’s all they’ve talked about.”

You mean besides Sam’s wedding. I mentally added but said nothing, not wanting to work up my nerves. My stomach was already uneasy and it took most of my concentration just to stand straight, or at least I think I was. A knot formed at my throat when my brother reached from behind me and opened the door.

The picture that awaited me on the other side hadn’t given me sufficient time to acknowledge what was happening. It all came to me in a confused slow-motioned blur. Two women were screaming my name and running straight toward me. I turned and fixed my gaze on my father who was sitting on his recliner and judging from his expression I noted that he understood even before I did. I turned back to face my mother in her lightly flour dusted apron. In her haste, she had tossed her rolling pin onto the kitchen counter. I then saw my sister, who unlike my mother, looked like she’d fallen into a big sack of flour.

I tried to hold onto it but the second they were within reach I could no longer contain it. I backed away only to bump into Anthony. With nowhere to go and unable to prevent it, I spewed all over my mother and sister. I heard feminine shrieks and the laugher of a man penetrate the room. Home, sweet home.

Yep, I’d emptied out all the contents of my belly on my mother and sister and Anthony had just stood there behind me laughing. It was an embarrassment and I was ashamed of myself. Did I mention it might have been a bad idea drinking so much? Well on the bright side, it was lucky for me…er...for them that I had not eaten yet and all that had poured out was liquid-the same liquid poison that had brought me to heave in the first place.

I took the two Tylenol that Sammie had left beside the bed before she slipped into the bathroom. I lay down on my back with my eyes closed, rubbing my temples. It seems that’s all I do lately. Another thing I seem to be doing a lot these days is all the wrong things, one stupid mistake after another. I think I’ve fucked up more in these past couple of days than I have in all my life combined. The biggest one being with Alex-No- I will not think of him. Not now, I will deal with that later.

I heard the squeaking of the faucet and the sound of water descending to a halt. A couple of minutes later my sister popped out of the bathroom with a cotton towel wrapped around her and another in her hand, drying out her hair. Her giggling caught me off guard.

“Now that was quite the entrance wasn’t it?”

“Ugh, please, don’t remind me.” I said dryly.

“You know you can expect that will be a topic of conversation this Thanksgiving dinner.” She grinned as she dressed. “And all Thanksgivings to come.”

Great! That was just what I needed. Perhaps it might not be so bad. If I could keep them on that subject, it could take the focus off my love life, or lack of. It could work and I might just survive the holidays. Still…

“I doubt anyone would be wanting to talk about that. I’m sure they’d much rather be talking about you and your upcoming wedding.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t be so sure. In fact… and I’m just guessing here, but I think 15 or 20 years from now they’ll still be talking of it. And by they, I mean Anthony. You know how he is.” She sprawled on the queen-sized bed that had replaced the two twin mattresses we had when we were growing up-back when we used to share the room.

I let out a deep sigh. “Oh by the way…” I’d nearly forgotten something important. “Congratulations, Sammie.”

She smiled at me. “Thanks.”

Then quickly she turned away from me and something about it struck me as odd. I’m not sure if it was the smile or something in her eyes that alarmed me. I made a mental note just then to find out what and why that was. Once this blasted headache ceased and I had something in my stomach, I would discreetly pry about. It was possible that in my tired state, I was just seeing things that weren’t really there but I thought I saw a flicker of doubt, even if it had been for half than a second. Either way, imagined or not, I would find out.