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[MellzBellz]

I really don't mean to start this thread to personally attack anyone. (Uh oh... Whenever a thread starts out like that it's usually not a great sign lol) But I've been reading through a lot of the posts recently and I've noticed that a lot of them just aren't really very nice... I know that you girls aren't vindictively meaning to be bitchy. A lot of it is meant out of humor, but I can see it getting lost in translation to members who don't post very often and don't realize that's just your personality. I love the fact that we're all different people and we all have our talents and our weaknesses and our preferred genres and preferred fandoms/characters to write about, but lately I've seen a lack of respect for differences. We talk about how wrong it is to flame stories and authors, but I've been seeing a lot of that going on here I think without people realizing we're doing it.

For instance all the comments about Oreos... Admitedly I have not read the story, so I can't judge and although it seems ridiculous to us to have merchandise for a story, its the authors choice and to keep a story going on that long and still have a fan base is an accomplishment in itself. And I've heard people on here tear it apart because they don't like it. That's one thing since that story isn't on AC. But what about in a recent thread where people were discussing a slash story they found very disturbing that was posted on AC? I admit it's not a story I'd be comfortable in reading, but some comments passed that line of judgement. What if that author decided to lurk on the boards and saw all of you talking about her story? Imagine how hurt and devestated she'd probably feel.

I know... You're probably wondering where this all is coming from and why do I care so much? I know we had a big debate over the whole Nick romance genre and many of you have been very vocal that this is not your favorite genre. Which is fine. Completely your choice. But I've been noticing "fluffy Nick romance" has become an increasingly negative term. Comments have been made that insinuate that ALL Nick romances are teenyish and completely unrealistic. I admit there are a lot of those, but there are also some REALLY surprisingly deep and well written romances that aren't just pieces of fluff. Writers work extremely hard on their work, no matter what genre and to hear it being dennounced like that is hurtful sometimes. I admit that I haven't been as active as usual here because I'm a bit turned off by the negativity. I don't think the forums are inviting as they first were.

Just something to think about that I wanted to get off my chest. I'm just asking that we try to think more carefully about what we say before we say it. I know no one means to put anyone down, but sometimes it comes off that way.

[mare]

You've made some good points and I agree. We have been a little on the mean spirited side lately.

I think sometimes we all forget it's a forum and not a private chat and get carried away from time to time.

Personally i'll try to make a conscious effort to not do that anymore and if people don't like it, you should say something. I commend you for speaking out Mel, i'm sure you were a little hesitant about it.

[julilly]

I agree with you completely, but at the same time someone saying they think it's silly to offer merchandise is just as valid an opinion as saying it's an awesome idea, so I don't feel right judging what anyone says or telling them not to say it. 

I'm mean spirited lots of times, but that's because I'm mean spirited most of the time to everyone... and that's just me. Whether or not someone who lurks doesn't bother to learn anything about me before saying I'm an asshole is not going to change the fact that I'm a self-admitted jerk lol

I understand you're feeling particularly picked on because of the fluffy romance thing but considering that the fluffy romances are the most read, most reviewed, most revered fics on the entire site I wouldn't take the lip flapping of a couple people personally -- the genre has proven itself as a fan favourite, so don't worry.

You shouldn't let what people say dictate to you... negativity shouldn't push you from the forums, it's then in your hands to either say I don't think that's cool, or start a topic about something else. Be proactive when you feel like things are getting negative rather than just leaving and blaming those people for your departure.

Like I said, all valid points and I'm glad you made your feelings known -- proactivity!

[honey]

yeah, that's true. And I think it's a lot that we all know each other so well. We know what each other is saying and know not to take offense. People on this board bash fluff more than anything, (except maybe oreo's) and it only makes me giggle and want to write more of it.   BUT, you're completely right, as an outsider coming on here, I wouldn't want to know how cruel we seem. I'll do my best to filter myself too, Mel.  I can be mature, I swear...   Maybe...

[julilly]

People still go on LD when anyone's first impression would be that they're a bunch of immature bratty children

[MellzBellz]

You've made some good points and I agree. We have been a little on the mean spirited side lately.

I think sometimes we all forget it's a forum and not a private chat and get carried away from time to time.

Personally i'll try to make a conscious effort to not do that anymore and if people don't like it, you should say something. I commend you for speaking out Mel, i'm sure you were a little hesitant about it.

Thanks Mare! I'm glad that you see where I'm coming from. It did take me a bit to work up how to say it without offending anyone because like I said I know we're not mean people here. we just get carried away. Even I have had some things about stories that weren't nice but I at least try to do it away from any place where it can be viewed by the public like a forum. I just really wanted to get it out there because I know from other Nick romance writers I talk to they've felt a lil hesitant to even post their stories on AC because of the judgement and that's horrible because the whole point of AC is it being a place where you can post any kind of fan fiction and not be judged, whether it be a slash story involving a Nick/ Kevin/Kristin threesome, a fluffy cliched Nick romance, a carefully crafted fantasy story involving all the guys as demons, or even an angsty medical drama that results in chopping legs off LOL. If that was the case AC would have rules only allowing up to a certain rating or only certain genres or fandoms.

I'm just sensitive to this topic as of lately because I've recently reconciled with an author who's a very good friend of mine and that friendship was almost destroyed by both of us being too judgemental towards each others work and streotyping it.

[MellzBellz]

People still go on LD when anyone's first impression would be that they're a bunch of immature bratty children

Oh God lol I REALLY don't want this board to turn into the LD of the fiction world lol Could you imagine?

By the way that wasn't meant to be judgemental towards any LDers LOL

[Tri]

Wow, Mel.  I commend you for starting this thread!  I think that it's so important for people to really think about what they say to people and how it affects them.  Everybody comes from different backgrounds and sometimes it's difficult to see eye to eye, but in a forum like this where people have varied viewpoints and diverse writing styles, we really have to be mindful of what we're saying and how it can be taken.  I know that I've definitely made a conscious effort to change this in myself within the past few months and I feel as if I'm improving somewhat.  I'm not saying that it's not a positive thing to learn other people's opinions and try to learn more about diversity in a community - whether online, at school, or in a workplace - but I do think we need to be more conscious about the things we say and how they can be taken out of context. 

Again, I think it's great that you started this conversation.  I think that even though we have obvious differences in our writing and what we enjoy reading, we can learn from one another.  I hope that people really take what you said to heart and AC can be an even better place for readers and writers alike!   

[starbeamz]

I'd like to respectfully disagree with some of what you said, Mel.

Personally, I think it was rather pointless to bring up the Nick romance topic because it has been dead for quite some time. Also, I re-read the slash story thread and didn't find anything very offensive in it. We simply said it was odd, but we never said that the story was "OMG AWFUL! the author should be tarred and feathered for ever even thinking of the story idea!"

Honestly, the only things that we're really mean about are Oreos--and we're just doing it all in good fun, so I can see your point in that, but not in the other two instances.

I think it's a little bit ridiculous if somebody is scared off of AC or the forum because we say something not nice about the genre of story that they may be writing. Again, with the diversity, we need to recognize that everyone has opinions and we're all free to express them. Sure, maybe we could be nicer, but those offended people need to not be so hypersensitive (If you knew the school I go to, you'd understand why I'm so incensed by hypersensitivi ty). If someone is having so much trouble taking certain opinions on a forum that is ONLINE, how on earth do they live their real lives offline because people in real life are not nice and things are messy.

We are all real people, with real opinions that I think should be expressed. Could we be a tad less snarky about it? Sure, why the hell not? Should we stop being negative completely? **** no.

And that is my opinion. You are welcome to dispute it, but I've honestly said all I'm going to say on this matter.

Thanks, and have a nice day

[Sinara]

I actually have to agree with Sarah on this. While I do respect your opinion, I believe that everyone is entitled to speak their minds. Granted, sometimes it may not come out in the nicest tone or the way we meant it to sound, but the whole point of a forum is to communicate and share ideas. Not everyone will always agree, but maybe we could go about being nicer about some things.

As for the Nick genre thing, I think that it has been proven as a fan favorite (as others have said) and that it's hear to stay. There are plenty of non-fluffy Nick stories, but a large majority of them the tend to lean that way. And people like them - they always will.

I also think it is ridiculous to judge a person off of a few comments they've made. Sure, it may not have been the nicest comment made, but maybe they were having a bad day. And if someone were to get scared away from the boards because of one comment, they obviously have much bigger issues than being a member of a mean-spirited message board. Besides, not every comment each of us makes is necessarily going to be all rainbows and sunshine. We all have different tastes and what one person likes, another may not like. It's the way of life. So everyone will eventually disagree with at least ONE post on here. And if people don't want to be online because of that, then maybe they shouldn't be coming to the board if they want  all happiness and perfection.

[DaniGiggles]

Aww Mel, it's cool that you brought this up, because I was actually noticing the same thing with the negative comments and what not, and that's part of the reason why I've been so quiet because I personally feel uncomfortable joining in, so I've been finding stupid, random threads to just blab in lol! But still, everyone is definitely entitled to their opinion. There are tons of different personalities in this world and not everyone can mesh, but it's fun to try. Hopefully no one is scared away by any of it - that's definitely not anyone's intention.

I love this thread! It's cool to see in depth discussions.

[alota_cookin]

*is curled up in corner twitching*
lol...I admit I was a little intimidated when I first started posting on here because of some things people were saying (not that I remember what those things were). *blush*

Personally, I can not bring myself to say anything bad to anyone...altho ugh, I think constuctive critism falls into a different catagory. There is a big difference between harmful bashing, constructive critism and random babbling of opinions. I guess each person takes things differently. There will always be a few ultra sensative people who will get thier feelings hurt. I admit that I take things a bit too personally sometimes because I am a very sensative person, but I would want people to be honest if they offer constructive critism. It's a viscous cycle, lol.

So, I guess, overall people should make sure what they say lands in the constructive critism or random babbling catagory. *shruggs*

[nicksgal]

I can see where both Mel and Sarah are coming from. The world isn't perfect though, and I think I agree with Sarah more.

It's mainly because, we're all here to discuss fanfic. Whether what we say is good or bad is our own opinion. And that's something we're guaranteed by the first amendment, you know? (sorry, Candians, I respect your opinions too though, promise. lol)

I also agree that the Nick romance thing is over and done with. It's come up hundreds of times. No one's opinion has ever neccessarily changed. Some people like it, other's don't. That's all there is to it.

And I hate to sound mean like this, but honestly, there's a whole world of BSB fandom out there. If they don't like what's to be had here, there's some place they'll go and absolutely love. That's the way it works. It's just like having a social group in school. Not everyone gets along, but the people who hang out together get along well.

Does that make any sense?

[alota_cookin]

Does that make any sense?

It does to me! Um...if that counts, lol.

[nicksgal]

^Yes, yes it does. lol