I'm working on a story right now (yes, just waiting to get plagiarized once again.
) and am kind of OCD about having things just right, fanfic or no. I'm a nerd that way. So here's my question. Is it acceptable/proper form to have dialogue, description, dialogue again, then throw in some more description and a little more dialogue all in the same paragraph? Or is it better to do description just once with dialogue then break it into another paragraph for the other description and dialogue?
I'll give an example of what I'm talking about...and what's giving me fits right now.
"I saw the baby," he said, his voice suddenly dropping, soft and low in awe. "I was in the room when they did the sonogram and I saw the baby on the screen. I saw it moving, I saw it's little feet, it's hands, it's fingers waving
at me. I heard the nurse-type person say the baby's a boy, Dad."
That's how it stands. Now, I want to drive home the fact that this guy is hit with the emotion of it not only being a boy, but his son. So I could totally redo the first part with:
"I saw the baby," he said, his voice suddenly growing quiet. "I was in the room when they did the sonogram and I saw the baby on the screen. I saw it moving, I saw it's little feet, it's hands, it's fingers waving
at me. I heard the nurse-type person say the baby's a boy, Dad."
He looked down at his hands, his voice now a barely audible whisper. "My son."
Or could that be squished together? Or does it really even matter? lol
Thank you and goodnight.