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[bebybsb]

I've been noticing how a lot of us have been having trouble with this challenge.

Some are not doing as great as they want in weigh-ins, others can't find the will to excersise for many reasons, and a few are getting very frustrated because they've hit a plateau.
I've been through all of them! LOL! And from the first round, not only this one.

The past weeks I've been dealing with a lot of stuff (like lack of work and money, a broken car I don't have money to fix, among other things) and because of it, I've had to concentrate a lot on NOT losing my resolve about going to gym, to the meetings with the nutritionist, instead of just simply give up.
My friend, who's helping me with the jogging and walking when I can't go to gym, suggested that I look for all the bad thoughts running through my head, and use those as fuel to get me going.
In other words, find the Negative, and turn it into the Positive!

I’ve been remembering a lot a very specific event , that at the time the only thing it caused was make me hate to look at myself in the mirror for months!
This happened like 3 almost 4 years ago...
I was @ the beach with my BF, and after a very relaxing time there we were headed for the car. And this lady that’s walking in our direction stops in front of me. I’d guess she was about 60something almost 70, and skinny. She puts her hand in my arm and says to me in a voice filled with sadness (and this is a translation from spanish to english) “Poor girl!, it’s so sad. You have to stop eating like that!” she also said something else along the lines of me being pittyful and left us, just kept walking. In spanish it sounds so much worse!
I swear, my feet were rooted in the sand, I couldn’t utter one word, and my mind just went blank! But she left, and I just kept walking because all of a sudden, I felt ashamed of myself and I wanted to just get out of the beach so people wouldn’t see the ‘poor fat girl’!

On the way home, my friend tells me “I’m so sorry you had to hear what that @&^%$# said! How can you stand it?”  I just stayed silent because I couldn’t speak from the tears. It was a good thing she was there with me, and she gave me words of encouragement and love. I’ll be forever grateful to her for actually talking to me about what happened instead of just turning her head and not say anything.

But it took me some time to recover from that and start looking at myself in the mirror again. But I still wonder; Why in God’s name did she have to do that?
Also - Wasn’t there any other way to tell me I was fat? Did it have to be with so much pity?

Then I realized that, while she could have said it in a much better/nicer way, she was still telling me the truth! After that, almost 2 years later, I started on the Weight-Loss path, but for another reason entirely. I just didn’t want to continue being the person I was. And when my best friend started dieting and working out, so did I. Of course, she achieved her goal faster than me, she’s now ‘maintaining’ and I’m still ‘losing’!

And now, well the incident with the lady has been my personal motivator.
How?

•Whenever I’m trying to jog one lap at the track field and I feel like I can’t breath, I think of how I’m not a sad sight to see!
Also, it's been a dream of mine to do a 10k marathon, and next year will be the time to do so, because I refuse to wait another year, so I'm jogging as preparation for it!
•When I feel like I can't do another track in the kickboxing routine at gym because my thighs feel like they weigh 50 pounds, I think of how I’m going to look at the beach and no lady is gonna say different!!! (Same thing applies when I’m doing the abs routine!)
But most important:
If it happens again, I carry my iPod full of old pictures of me, and whoever dares tell me anything similar, I’ll just rub in their face a pic of me when I was 300 pounds (right now I’m 236 pounds - 64 less and counting!) and ask Who’s pityful now???!!!
And here''s what I mean!
 http://i1215.photobucket.com/albums/cc517/Mirelysh/Losing%20and%20gaining/Picture1.png

So now I ask,
What’s your worst moment/thought/fear and how can you turn it into your motivation???

I ask all of you to answer this with honesty and share it with all of us. If it's sounding as therapy, well it kinda is (and probably because my friends major is Phsycology!!!) but it helps. someone else may have your same problem, and looking at it from another perspective might help you solve it. If you don't know how to answer, at least say the What, and we'll help you figure out the How.

This is the first of a few excersises of this kind I'll be doing with you. Those will be another kind of tools, like the nutrition and excersising,  that will help us get our focus and get back on track.

I'll be waiting for your responses
(and really sorry that this was such a loooooong ass tale! LMAO! but done with the best intentions!)

[Purpura Lipstick]

This was such a great thing you posted!  I am so glad that you did.  I've been telling you for a while now but you are looking fantastic! 

Two years ago I started to try for my second child and in Nov. of 2009, after missing my first and only period (aside from when I was pregnant) the doctors diagnosed me with PCOS (Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome).  I was told because of this I could expect a more difficult time trying to conceive. My Dr. suggested losing weight since it might help my hormones rebalance themselves.   I've also been told that PCOS oftentimes leads to a diagnoses of diabetes and since my dad was just diagnosed with it this scares me more.

I have lost 23 lbs as of last August but have been having difficulties lately because both of my sister-in-laws are pregnant with their second child.  I have tried to turn all the energy of trying for a second into energy to lose more weight but it's been difficult. 

[Carter-Orange]

Wow, you look so good!!  What a story too, I'd be horrified if someone stopped me like that too.

I'm feeling really unmotivated at the moment, like what's the point of trying to look good when no one even gives a damn.  I know I shouldn't be feeling like that and that I should want to look good for myself.  I need a kick up the arse to get going.  So I'm starting back at Zumba tonight after not going for the past few weeks, and I'm going to dust the Wii off and start up with that again.  I don't want to be overweight anymore!

[alota_cookin]

My worst things all revolve around my husband...whom I am now divorcing. He has always made me feel like not good enough because he's really into the porn stuff...which is naturally made up of all really gorgeous, totally fake women that I will never come close to...and it was constantly a comaparing game because I didn't act like them or whatever. Then I found out he was going behind my back to see other women...which then I found out it included cyber 'relations' if you know what I mean...to top it off, I'm 99% sure that he was cheating on me with one or more women. Since I left the house, in March, he has had a few different women living in our house...one girl (I think she was the second girl he had there) was only 20 (he's 39)!!! He had her moved in before I even had my stuff all moved out! Now she got knocked up...he claims it's with another man's baby, but I'm not so sure...and he has a new woman there. The kicker for me is that we don't even have a court date yet for the divorce and he's had NO problem moving on...he never really loved me to begin with which hurts really bad.

In short...I feel ugly, useless, unwanted, unloved, worthless....a nd obviously I feel easily replacable.

I've been TRYING to use this as motivation...w e have two kids together (5 and 1) so I'll be seeing him a lot and I want to make him regret his actions, you know? I wanna be gorgeous and rub it in his face that I'm what he gave up...because my outter beauty can be changed, but his inner beauty can't and his inner beauty is UGLY.

I very easily lose my motivation though because it seems like every time I lose a couple pounds, I gain it right back and I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere. But I want to lose the weight...I want to be healthy for myself AND my girls. I guess I gotta try harder to keep that motivation going, LOL.

[bebybsb]

Two years ago I started to try for my second child and in Nov. of 2009, after missing my first and only period (aside from when I was pregnant) the doctors diagnosed me with PCOS (Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome).  I was told because of this I could expect a more difficult time trying to conceive. My Dr. suggested losing weight since it might help my hormones rebalance themselves.   I've also been told that PCOS oftentimes leads to a diagnoses of diabetes and since my dad was just diagnosed with it this scares me more.

I have lost 23 lbs as of last August but have been having difficulties lately because both of my sister-in-laws are pregnant with their second child.  I have tried to turn all the energy of trying for a second into energy to lose more weight but it's been difficult. 

Aww!!! thanks for the fantastic!!!
And I'm glad I took this step, not only for myself, but for all of you as well.

Not being a mom (and not even in a relationship) I can't know how you must feel when you see your sisters-in-law like you want the most.
I can tell you though, my aunt had the same problem'. She did what your doctor's suggesting to you, and it worked! Her problem is, she did it kinda late. How's that? Well, she never tried hard enough to lose weight and when she did it was about 3 years ago, after being overweight for almost 10 years. Right now, her baby is 2 years old, but her first child is 20 years old!!! It's been a complete change in their lifestyle, and when she actually got pregnant it caught her by surprise because she wasn't expecting it. She's not an old woman though, she's 36 and had my cousin when she was 16.
But I don't think you want that to happen to you, I think you want your son to have a baby brother/sister he can play with, not to take care of.

So we can say you need to lose weight to be a better mom than you already are? not only for the future baby, but for your son as well. You have to become a Hot Mama!!! lol! Can you imagine how different your pregnancy would be, being a new woman. Being healthy, beautifull, and excersising with the baby bump and all!!! (there are 3 pregnant woman in my gym right now, they're very fit, but still with the belly they do weights and kickboxing in a lighter way. I admire them a lot!)
And also because you're NOT going to let diabetes take you. your chances of developing it are high right now, so you need to lower those chances as much and as soon as you can.

Anyone else wants to add something, feel free! we're no experts, but we can share our thoughts!

[bebybsb]

Wow, you look so good!!  What a story too, I'd be horrified if someone stopped me like that too.

I'm feeling really unmotivated at the moment, like what's the point of trying to look good when no one even gives a damn.  I know I shouldn't be feeling like that and that I should want to look good for myself.  I need a kick up the arse to get going.  So I'm starting back at Zumba tonight after not going for the past few weeks, and I'm going to dust the Wii off and start up with that again.  I don't want to be overweight anymore!

Thanks! It's for me the most depressing of a few I have, but such is life, right!

Your last sentence says a lot "I don't want to be overweight anymore!" So you already know what you want. Now you need to be sure of why. Why I don't want to be overweight anymore?
You're taking the steps, you're gonna kick it up in the workouts. But again, ask yourself why. Once you figure that out, you'll understand what you need to do better.

Also, you say what's the point in trying to look good when no one cares. And you are partly right, it does feel that way, but have you tried to look good to enjoy yourself?
for example; you buy a dress, not because it's trending, or because your friend told you to, you buy it because you love it and more importantly because it fits you.

And let me tell you girl, you just never know who's watching you or thinking about you. So give them something to look at! You might be overweight, but your body is so not a disaster!! Mine totally was! You have wide hips (I did went to see your before shot! LOL!) so kick up the zumba to help you trim it down, by doing that, I know you'll shrink your waist, and the final result will be a curvy goddess!!! That's kinda how I wan't to see myself!  hahaha but think about it, you have a body, well make it better!!!!

[bebybsb]

My worst things all revolve around my husband...whom I am now divorcing. He has always made me feel like not good enough because he's really into the porn stuff...which is naturally made up of all really gorgeous, totally fake women that I will never come close to...and it was constantly a comaparing game because I didn't act like them or whatever. Then I found out he was going behind my back to see other women...which then I found out it included cyber 'relations' if you know what I mean...to top it off, I'm 99% sure that he was cheating on me with one or more women. Since I left the house, in March, he has had a few different women living in our house...one girl (I think she was the second girl he had there) was only 20 (he's 39)!!! He had her moved in before I even had my stuff all moved out! Now she got knocked up...he claims it's with another man's baby, but I'm not so sure...and he has a new woman there. The kicker for me is that we don't even have a court date yet for the divorce and he's had NO problem moving on...he never really loved me to begin with which hurts really bad.

In short...I feel ugly, useless, unwanted, unloved, worthless....a nd obviously I feel easily replacable.

I've been TRYING to use this as motivation...w e have two kids together (5 and 1) so I'll be seeing him a lot and I want to make him regret his actions, you know? I wanna be gorgeous and rub it in his face that I'm what he gave up...because my outter beauty can be changed, but his inner beauty can't and his inner beauty is UGLY.

I very easily lose my motivation though because it seems like every time I lose a couple pounds, I gain it right back and I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere. But I want to lose the weight...I want to be healthy for myself AND my girls. I guess I gotta try harder to keep that motivation going, LOL.

I'm really (well not really) sorry for what I'm going to say...
But you EX-HUSBAND es un maldito cabrón, hijo de &@^%# que debe pudrirse en el infierno y maldigo la hora en que vuelva a nacer!!!!     I hope you don't understand spanish!!! lol!

There are so many things I could say right now! but I'll try to do it short and presice.
-You're right, the girls in porn are fake, you're not. You're very real, with real thoughts and needs. And the way I see it, HE couldn't meet your needs, and porn made him feel like he was something, instead of nothing.

-with that said, You do realize he has mental issues, right? Are you really aware of that? Because I don't need a degree to comprehend all those insecurities you mentioned were his, but he just passed them to youu until you believed them yours. That's what you need to stop. Stop acknowledging those thoughts and insecurities as yours! Try as hard as you can to get them out of your system!!!

-and a very personal thought.
You have two beautiful kids, but as someone who watched the father of my brothers brake my moms nose, I can honestly tell you that when your kids are adults, they'll thank you for what you're doing now and raising them apart from someone who prefers to be a MAN not a FATHER! one is opposite of the other.

-I can't tell you how proud I am of you. But I hate that you have no idea how stong you actually are! You're Amazing!
And you're right, you'll do this and you'll rub it in his face how gorgeous you are. But, prepare yourself for attacks from him when he notices.
I know right now you may not think this, but...
By becoming a better, brighter, more beautifull person in total control of herself and her life, that's the kind of people you'll attract. and I don't mean it in vanity. Make yourself better so when the oportunity of a new love arrives, he'll be as great as you are, and MUCH better than what you had!!!

Keep it up!, you're doing a great job, and we're all here with you!

[Purpura Lipstick]

thanks for all the words of enouragement!

[Carter-Orange]

Thanks for the motivational words of encouragement! I worked hard at zumba last night and am going jogging tonight

[Carter-Orange]

To motiviate myself I've ordered a new cross trainer  I miss my old cross trainer (which I sold to make way for the ex's running machine), so thought it was about time I got myself a new one.  Hopefully with lots of effort from me, I will have better results.  Maybe it's my age or something (they do say it's all downhill after 30,!), or maybe because I'm just not cutting down on the goodies enough, but I'm finding it hard to lose anything.  My new cross trainer should help though!

[bebybsb]

I posted this in my Facebook, both in English and Spanish, (Though is not of my own) because it shows a lot of self acceptance I'd love to feel for myself. I recognise that I still have a long way to go in terms of self esteem, but after a whole life of not accepting myself as how I am, well... I've improved lol!
So now I'm sharing it with you, so you can see this topic with a new perspective. Hope you like it, I loved it!



By: Delphine Fieberg.

October 3, 2011

A while back, at the entrance of a gym, there was a picture of a very thin and beautiful woman. The caption was "This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?"
 
The story goes, a woman (of clothing size unknown) answered the following way:

"Dear people, whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, seals, curious humans), they are sexually active and raise their children with great tenderness.
 They entertain like crazy with dolphins and eat lots of prawns. They swim all day and travel to fantastic places like Patagonia, the Barents Sea or the coral reefs of Polynesia.
 They sing incredibly well and sometimes even are on cds. They are impressive and dearly loved animals, which everyone defend and admires.
 
Mermaids do not exist.
 
But if they existed, they would line up to see a psychologist because of a problem of split personality: woman or fish?
 They would have no sex life and could not bear children.
 Yes, they would be lovely, but lonely and sad.
 And, who wants a girl that smells like fish by his side?
 
Without a doubt, I'd rather be a whale.
 
At a time when the media tells us that only thin is beautiful, I prefer to eat ice cream with my kids, to have dinner with my husband, to eat and drink and have fun with my friends.
 
We women, we gain weight because we accumulate so much wisdom and knowledge that there isn't enough space in our heads, and it spreads all over our bodies.
 We are not fat, we are greatly cultivated.
 Every time I see my curves in the mirror, I tell myself: "How amazing am I ?! "
 
 Last comment: I'm not putting down thin people, being a thin woman myself (BMI of 22 maybe?) just saying that being large doesn't equate to being unattractive.

~~~~
I am such a WHALE!!! LOL! 

[RokofAges75]

^ I saw the same post and loved it, too!!!

[Carter-Orange]

Aww I loved that!  I'd rather be a whale too!

[bebybsb]

Hey girls!

I'm so glad we're still here. Some have found a way to get back on track, we're very happy for you!
I'm going to make this one not so long as the others. lol!

So, a few days after posting the 'Mermaid or Whale' perspective, my best friend invited me to the beach. And as you know, my history there is not a great one, but since I love it, and was looking forward to relaxing, I went. This time, I had other thoughts in my mind as to what I was going to do there, and they were somehow inspired by what I posted...

I wanted to wear a one-piece bathing suit I had bought, but without covering it. No shorts, wrap-around, scarf, shirt, just the bathing suite.
Simple.

Not for Me! Due to self-consciousness, lack of confidence, low self-esteem, or just simply stupid cowardness.

But at the beach, it wasn't crowded, and a few feet from us there were a group of 'plus-sized'women who were wearing their bathing suits just fine. So, why couldn't I do the same?!
I turn to my BF and tell her "I'm gonna take this dress off, and I'm not gonna use the scarf!"
She grinned at me, and when I took off the dress, I heard her surprised gasp followed by "Oh My GOD! you look so thin! you look so great!" That just made my resolve get stronger. I felt so fricking accomplished at that moment! 
The last time I didn't cover myself at the beach, I was 6 years old.
In a way, it saddens me that it took 20 years of my life to pull down a barrier that is insignificat, but of so much impact.

Obviously my BF had to take a pic of me! lol, When I saw it, I felt so beautiful. And I don't mean to sound narcissist, but I've just discovered that it's a powerful thing to feel beautiful for yourself, not for others. To get dressed up and enjoy what you see in the mirror and not worry about if others will like how you look, because you already do and that's what matters.
 
I wish all of you experience that sense of contentment more often!

In the first post of this thread, there's a link to a pic were you'll see the old me in what used to be my 'beach clothes' and one taken this july with a swimdress.
This is the new, 'bold' Mirelys at the beach! lol
http://i1215.photobucket.com/albums/cc517/Mirelysh/Losing%20and%20gaining/047.jpg

So, what will you be doing for yourself?
Using that sexy underwear hidden in the deepest corner of a drawer? Bear it all like me at the beach?lol or Try on a sexy black dress in a store just because! or simply buy a sleeveless/tight-fitting shirt becuase Zumba is working!!! How about buying a plus sized Sexy Halloween Costume, one very short, tight, with fishnets and everything!(something I'm seriously concidering doing if I go to a Halloween party or Concert!)

Whatever it is you wanna do, or see yourself in/with, DO IT!!!!

And of course, let me know! I wanna hear all about it! 

[Carter-Orange]

Well done Mirelys!  I wish I had the confidence to do that on the beach, maybe one day.