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[RokofAges75]

I was glad you had some Brian&Howie (That's how you designate the platonic version in other fandoms, but not sure if we've picked up on it as much over here in BSB; I don't read other fandoms' fanfic, but I've seen it.) in Bethlehem. I think they get overlooked because whatever special bond they may have, they don't show us. Maybe they just tolerate each other in the collective? That would be so sad... I think Nick is good common denominator when we're not sure on their personal specifics.

I actually just learned that last year when I started tagging relationships on AO3 and looked up the difference between / and &.  I had never seen that distinction used in our fandom before either.  I should probably start using it here instead of saying "but not in a slashy way" LOL.  I never felt the need to differentiate until I actually wrote a slash, but now you never know.

I've said before that I'm a questioner more than an outliner, so "Why was there a box?" became closely tied to the question "Why do the demons want the box?" And they had their collective reasoning, but PBox et al. spans the big question of "what defines us/me/you?" for all of the characters. I think this is vague enough without being a spoiler... Character motivations is really where I start since they're driving the plot along. After all, Nick has changed endings on me twice so far based on what he ends up doing, so I've just given up on planning too much without his input. I may as well say it. Y'all heard it here first: PNecklace does have a defined end that will close this arc. The whole story does as well, but it's not in PNecklace. Sometimes I hate Nick and his epic story so much (and this is why I've been calling it "PBox et al." when I speak of them collectively).

So our buddy Nick started from "I want the box because it's obvious the thing I don't have is sealed in it: my memories." (And he was kind of right, but not exactly.) And the story happened and his motivation became: "I do not want the box, because I don't actually care about whether or not I have my old memories. I actually want to keep my 'family of choice' and our memories that I've gotten from all of this. But they want the box, so I guess box?" And now we're on to PNecklace where he's like "Well, I guess I need my memories after all to help solve this next problem... So, yay? But I can't let them define me, I still want my 'family of choice' and our memories instead." And where he ends up at the end... Well... You'll see. It's all fun. He's very busy trucking the plot along with his plucky gumption.

Kudos to you for figuring all that out from an image in a dream!  It's cool when something like that can spark an entire epic series.

Wow, a whole year! I'm not surprised because I know you had other things going on at the time, but it felt like they were a lot closer together and I don't know why I'm thinking that. Were you posting other things during that time or just BMS on the Yahoo Group? Did you change anything based on comments from your early readers or did it all mostly stay the same?

I really wasn't posting much else at the time besides hosted story updates.  I looked back at my site updates from 2004, and after Broken, it was just the odd chapter of Not Another Teenybopper Fanfic or Code Blue here and there.  I'm surprised I held out so long too; that took willpower I didn't realize I had back then LOL.  I don't remember changing anything before officially posting it on my site.  Really it was posted there the whole time; I just only gave the link to the Yahoo Group and didn't post it on my story page, so only people who had it could find it.

I also didn't post either Broken or BMS on AC until 2006, so if you read them here and not on my site, that would be why they seemed closer together.

[RokofAges75]

I'm not big on spoilers either, but when speaking on PBox I also figure there's gotta be a time limit for considering something a spoiler. Like the Vader is Luke's father thing or Snape kills Dumbledore... Everyone knows those by know or consciously decided they didn't want to consume the media so... I'd never tag a story with spoilers (that fine line between "Death" and "Major Character Death"), but I feel like talking about them 10 years later is an eh for me. Now call me a monster if you vehemently disagree!

I agree.  There's a difference between talking about them here and tagging spoilers on AO3, where there's a different audience of readers.  There's some crossover between AC and AO3, sure, but there are also people there who have probably never read or posted anything here and haven't seen you talk about PBox or me talk about Broken, etc.  So what's considered common knowledge here isn't there.  If I were to post Broken there, I wouldn't tag it with cancer and amputation because I wouldn't want to spoil that for anyone who was reading it for the first time... even though I know some people would see those tags and click on it just for those elements, as would I.  I just think the payoff is better if you actually get to that point in the story and find out for yourself.

I wish I could remember the moment I found out Vader was Luke's father, but I was so young the first time I saw those movies, I don't.  I do, however, remember my first time reading about Snape killing Dumbledore and the shock that accompanied that.

[nicksgal]

I actually just learned that last year when I started tagging relationships on AO3 and looked up the difference between / and &.  I had never seen that distinction used in our fandom before either.  I should probably start using it here instead of saying "but not in a slashy way" LOL.  I never felt the need to differentiate until I actually wrote a slash, but now you never know.

I prefer "but not in a slashy way," but it's a lot to put on a tag page, haha. That's fair, back in your "I will never write a slash" days, of course it was platonic. But you're right, now you just never know.

Kudos to you for figuring all that out from an image in a dream!  It's cool when something like that can spark an entire epic series.

I was clearly meant to be an epic tale and not "Nick's face is burned in your brain, you will constantly think of Nick as your brain processes the day." It's fine, haha. I've enjoyed writing it, though I have moments where I wish someone else was writing it and I could enjoy it as a reader since nothing in it surprises me. And thanks! It has been an undertaking, but I think it's all been worthwhile even though it took many years. I just hope I can keep all the PNecklace steam going for the next one and just chunk them both out fairly quickly. I'm excited to keep sharing fun little things along the way, like: even the titles of the stories are based on Nick's journey; it's all very neat.

I really wasn't posting much else at the time besides hosted story updates.  I looked back at my site updates from 2004, and after Broken, it was just the odd chapter of Not Another Teenybopper Fanfic or Code Blue here and there.  I'm surprised I held out so long too; that took willpower I didn't realize I had back then LOL.  I don't remember changing anything before officially posting it on my site.  Really it was posted there the whole time; I just only gave the link to the Yahoo Group and didn't post it on my story page, so only people who had it could find it.

I also didn't post either Broken or BMS on AC until 2006, so if you read them here and not on my site, that would be why they seemed closer together.

You always had the power inside you! Did you release it chapter-by-chapter when you did make it public on your site or was it whatever what up at the time already?

Ah, yes, that makes more sense.

[RokofAges75]

I've enjoyed writing it, though I have moments where I wish someone else was writing it and I could enjoy it as a reader since nothing in it surprises me.

I have definitely felt that way too.  Does everyone feel that way about their stories?  I mean, obviously, we write what we like... and hopefully we like what we write.  I have written stories that I know I probably wouldn't click on if someone else had written them, but most of them are right up my alley as a reader.

Did you release it chapter-by-chapter when you did make it public on your site or was it whatever what up at the time already?

It was whatever was already up.  I just added the link that already existed to my story page and announced it.  So anyone who wasn't already reading it on the Yahoo Group had like 50 chapters to catch up on.  But that turned out to be only a quarter of the whole story LOL.

[nicksgal]

I agree.  There's a difference between talking about them here and tagging spoilers on AO3, where there's a different audience of readers.  There's some crossover between AC and AO3, sure, but there are also people there who have probably never read or posted anything here and haven't seen you talk about PBox or me talk about Broken, etc.  So what's considered common knowledge here isn't there.  If I were to post Broken there, I wouldn't tag it with cancer and amputation because I wouldn't want to spoil that for anyone who was reading it for the first time... even though I know some people would see those tags and click on it just for those elements, as would I.  I just think the payoff is better if you actually get to that point in the story and find out for yourself.

I wish I could remember the moment I found out Vader was Luke's father, but I was so young the first time I saw those movies, I don't.  I do, however, remember my first time reading about Snape killing Dumbledore and the shock that accompanied that.

That's exactly what I figure too. Obviously we're all much more vague if we're talking about any of our current stories (or in my case in particular, things from old stories that would have major implications on a current story). You absolutely can't tag it with either of those things! It ruins the live reaction if you know about them going in. I think there's a huge difference between a warning/tag like "violence" or "sexual content" in any degree from there to graphic and a tag for anything that's a plot element (even when it's available as a warning tag). I don't even know that I would tag Broken as "Medical Drama" if that was an option... It's just too specific and not at all implied. "Heroic Measures"? Sure, go nuts. ER makes it implied.

For Harry Potter: so nuanced, but so shocking. I can't remember the Vader reveal either. I honestly feel like my father told me to "pay attention" right before it, so... I probably wasn't as surprised as I should have been.

[nicksgal]

I have definitely felt that way too.  Does everyone feel that way about their stories?  I mean, obviously, we write what we like... and hopefully we like what we write.  I have written stories that I know I probably wouldn't click on if someone else had written them, but most of them are right up my alley as a reader.

I think it depends on the story for me? I've definitely read and reread whatever I've had written for PBox and Gobosei over the years, whether while I was writing or when I was hoping for new inspiration. I'd always had those two saved in a non-internet dependent accessible form since about 2008 and then moved to google drive for both online and offline mode around... 2011/2012 sounds right since that's about when I had a Galaxy S3. Plus the beginnings of both PNecklace and Pandora's Legend (that prequel type story I'd mentioned, yes it does already exist and have a name) whenever I started attempting to write them... 2015 sounds right? Right around Nick on DWTS? And I'll admit, I get sucked in every time even though I know what's coming. Other than not being surprised, the only major difference is probably that I can read them quicker than most other people because I know what's coming (and because I usually skip reading the NSYNC chapters, but summarize them in my head for the sake of the story), unless there's anyone else out there who has read them hundreds of times.

There's others, though, that I didn't reread until you and Mare recommended I save anything I wanted to keep since the site had been going down. And I reread almost everything I had posted when I saved them (I honestly didn't reread or save my very old stories because I know where they are if I really want to rescue them from my first computer's hard drive; same with my poems from college, I know where they are.) Beta Sigma Beta, for instance, I hadn't reread in years. And I laughed a couple of times and vaguely remembered everything I'd had planned for it, but I also saw it as "a snapshot into my life circa 2008-2009" and had no pang to finish it. I probably would have read it at the time if someone else had written it, but I don't know that I would now.

It was whatever was already up.  I just added the link that already existed to my story page and announced it.  So anyone who wasn't already reading it on the Yahoo Group had like 50 chapters to catch up on.  But that turned out to be only a quarter of the whole story LOL.

And I was worried about catching up on 19 chapters! 50 seems like a lot. That's kind of how I'm feeling about If I Knew Then. It just seems kind of daunting, haha.

[nicksgal]

Well, I just spent some time shuffling my interesting bits around and now it all flows much better than the original order! I was not as productive today as I was hoping. But I finished goal #1 and then started ch. 24 instead because I'm just not sure what Kevin's planning to do in ch. 22 other than be grumpy, haha! However, now that I've rearranged, suddenly my "if I am really productive, I will finish ch. 24" has turned into a "once I get going on this part, I may suddenly have up to somewhere in the range of ch. 27-29 completed." I surprise even myself sometimes. Nick's motivation in this portion of the story is very clearly aimed, apparently, haha.

[RokofAges75]

And I was worried about catching up on 19 chapters! 50 seems like a lot. That's kind of how I'm feeling about If I Knew Then. It just seems kind of daunting, haha.

It does.  I'm not sure why I let it get that long before posting it officially.  I should have had an idea of how it was going before then.  But who knows.

That gives me an idea for a question for the reading thread, which I will ask there in a moment.

[RokofAges75]

Well, I just spent some time shuffling my interesting bits around and now it all flows much better than the original order! I was not as productive today as I was hoping. But I finished goal #1 and then started ch. 24 instead because I'm just not sure what Kevin's planning to do in ch. 22 other than be grumpy, haha! However, now that I've rearranged, suddenly my "if I am really productive, I will finish ch. 24" has turned into a "once I get going on this part, I may suddenly have up to somewhere in the range of ch. 27-29 completed." I surprise even myself sometimes. Nick's motivation in this portion of the story is very clearly aimed, apparently, haha.

Hey, at least you did something!  I hope today is productive for you, pre-Super Bowl.

It has not been a productive weekend for me at all so far.  I made myself coffee this morning, which I did not do yesterday, so there may be more hope for my writing today.  I've been thinking about My Brother's Keeper since last night, even had a dream about it last night (which I said I almost never do), so that's what I'm going to try to work on this morning.

[nicksgal]

I wonder if there's a good word for kinky heart eating?  Let's see what Google has to say...

Found it:  cardiophagy

https://hecatejoannes.tumblr.com/post/137920565268/cardiophagy-aka-cardiophagia-noun-the-practice

I would have guessed something like cardiophagy, because cardiophillia doesn't quite grasp on the eating aspect. Rule 34?

So out of curiosity, I pretended to add this tag to PBox just see if it was there and "cardiophagy" is not, but "cardiophillia" is. So... kinky heart stuff, but not specifically kinky heart eating.

[RokofAges75]

So out of curiosity, I pretended to add this tag to PBox just see if it was there and "cardiophagy" is not, but "cardiophillia" is. So... kinky heart stuff, but not specifically kinky heart eating.

LOL I have heard of cardiophilia.  There's a fetish for everything!  I don't know if that's part of Rule #34 or if that's Rule #33.

[nicksgal]

LOL I have heard of cardiophilia.  There's a fetish for everything!  I don't know if that's part of Rule #34 or if that's Rule #33.

Rule #33: Lurk more. (As in, if you just start posting right away, you will not understand the norms of a community and will be a nuisance.) I say, lurk less! It's fun here.

We also break Rule #30 here: There are no girls on the internet. If I didn't know that people who identified as male were part of our community, I would assume the opposite.

Rule #34: There is porn of it, no exceptions.

Closely related, Rule #35: If no porn is found at the moment, it will be made.

[nicksgal]

It does.  I'm not sure why I let it get that long before posting it officially.  I should have had an idea of how it was going before then.  But who knows.

Did you have a sense that those 50 chapters would only be 1/4 of the story at that point or were you still not sure? That may have been the reason more than not thinking it was going well.

How did you let people who wanted to see it early know where to go?

Hey, at least you did something!  I hope today is productive for you, pre-Super Bowl.

It has not been a productive weekend for me at all so far.  I made myself coffee this morning, which I did not do yesterday, so there may be more hope for my writing today.  I've been thinking about My Brother's Keeper since last night, even had a dream about it last night (which I said I almost never do), so that's what I'm going to try to work on this morning.

It's been a little productive, but it's also cooking day so productivity will now come to a halt. I think how productive my day is writing-wise overall depends on if I decide to venture into the world for the Super Bowl or watch it at home. I can multi-task during football unless it's my alma mater -- then I'm a nervous wreck!

You didn't make coffee yesterday? A mistake for writing inspiration! *chugs coffee from cheesy 90's BSB mug* Woah? A dream? You are seriously thinking about this story! Sending you good vibes! How'd the first hour go?

[RokofAges75]

Rule #33: Lurk more. (As in, if you just start posting right away, you will not understand the norms of a community and will be a nuisance.) I say, lurk less! It's fun here.

We also break Rule #30 here: There are no girls on the internet. If I didn't know that people who identified as male were part of our community, I would assume the opposite.

Rule #34: There is porn of it, no exceptions.

Closely related, Rule #35: If no porn is found at the moment, it will be made.

LOL Thank you for listing all these!  I did not know any of the rules besides #34.  I guess the fetish thing would fall within that one then.

[RokofAges75]

Did you have a sense that those 50 chapters would only be 1/4 of the story at that point or were you still not sure? That may have been the reason more than not thinking it was going well.

How did you let people who wanted to see it early know where to go?

I assumed BMS would be about the same length as Broken (150 chapters), so I should have realized that was at least 1/3 of the way through.  I had no idea how long it was actually going to be.

I think I just sent the link to it out through the Yahoo Group.

You didn't make coffee yesterday? A mistake for writing inspiration! *chugs coffee from cheesy 90's BSB mug* Woah? A dream? You are seriously thinking about this story! Sending you good vibes! How'd the first hour go?

I know!  I have figured that out about myself - if I make coffee and sit down with my computer first thing in the morning, I'm much more likely to get something written.  I wasn't feeling it yesterday, so I didn't force myself to do that.

I did make coffee today and have been on the computer all day and have written nothing LOL.  But I have been researching.  My Brother's Keeper is heavy on the research.  Thankfully I did a bunch of it before I started writing the story 3 years ago, organized all my bookmarks, and made some notes in my outline, so I had something to go off of and didn't have to start from scratch.  I am probably not going to get anything written today, but at least I'm thinking about it LOL.