Fic Talk > General Discussion
Favorite excerpt(s) you've written?
RokofAges75:
Okay, I'll play. :D
I had a hard time picking something to post too, 1) because it was hard to think of an excerpt that really stands out to post, and 2) because it was even harder to find one I like that doesn't give away too much. But I did some thinking and found one.
I like this excerpt for several reasons. First, it's incredibly angsty, so much so that it kinda makes me laugh LOL, but I love writing angst, so it showcases that side of my writing well. Second, it was very meaningful when I wrote it because, not only did it come at a major part in the story it's from, but it also ended the second (of three) parts of the story, AND it was the last thing I wrote before I started college in August of 2003. It was emotional for me because I moved away to college like two days later, and I was undergoing this huge life change, and I wasn't sure how much writing time I was going to have, and I knew that when I did get back to writing, I would have this HUGE thing in the story ahead of me to write almost right away, so it was very significant for me. I still remember not only actually writing this part, but also brainstorming for it (in the shower, where all my best brainstorming happens LOL).
Anyway, enough rambling; here's the excerpt, from Chapter 100 of my story "Broken."
--- Quote ---He stood up slowly, his leg aching under his weight as his feet sank into the sand, and turned to go back to the house, his heart heavy at the thought of the phone call he was going to have to make. But a seagull’s cry made him turn back, his eyes drawn instantly to the glistening water. He set his gaze on the horizon; as far as he could see, there was nothing but ocean. And oh, how he longed to set sail and never look back, drift out on that vast expanse of water and let it simply carry him away. An escape.
Without a thought, as if possessed by the enchanting power the ocean held over him, he staggered toward the water, relishing the feel of the wet sand squishing between his toes, the coolness of the water tickling his ankles. The bottoms of his rolled-up pant legs grew wet as he walked further in, but he did not care. Before he knew it, he was waist-deep, and his pants were soaked. But he hardly noticed, nor did it matter. Nothing really mattered, after all.
And with this attitude, he hurled himself headfirst into the water, the shock of the cold water numbing his body and soul, deadening the physical and emotional pain, rendering him blind to the world above the surface and opening his eyes to the peaceful world below. How he wished he could simply sink to the very bottom of the ocean and stay there, leaving his problems bobbing like cork on the top.
But as soon as he rose to the surface, sputtering and gasping for breath, his brief escape was thwarted as he was captured by reality. And though his body remained free to drift in the ocean’s current, his soul was bound, bound with the decision he knew he had to make.
[...]
He kicked hard, propelling his body through the water and wondering if it would be the last time he swam with both legs. The very thought made his eyes well up again. Hot tears dripped down his wet cheeks, mixing with the salty sea.
He shook his head desperately, his chest heaving, his head pounding, his heart racing. This was not something he could face now.
And so, he simply plunged beneath the surface once again.
--- End quote ---
Rose:
Lord lol. I have no idea which one is my fave...but I'll play and try to find one lol. One is pretty dark, but its a fave because I think its my first really dark fic and I was willing to go there. It gets darker as you go on but I just like the confrontation I did.
Its a long excerpt from "As Reality Crumbles" but I think I did a good job with it.
--- Quote ---She had come back out to her spot on the ledge rather than going inside to try and meditate and focus her power as she had planned. She felt restless and wasn’t sure why. A feeling burned within her. One she hasn’t felt in a little over a year. She shook her head as her dark gold tresses fell about her face. No. It was impossible. It had to be something else. But then the images came. Her mind burned as the images rushed through her head. What came first were the memories.
“Nyxnia what are you doing!?” Her twin brother had stood there in his human look as she did what she had to do. Nickoli was in her way. Feelings about him were not important. What had been important was the plan. Now there he was, Alexius Janis, first of Kevinicus’ children. Now trying to meddle where he should not be.
“What I have to Alexius!”
“You can stop this! Don’t do this!” He had cried, his dark brown eyes clashing against her sharp piercing blue orbs.
She laughed mockingly, shifting into her true form. The one she had been born with, as all those of the royal line were. Yet the Richardson line of Dimonos had the ability to look human so they could blend with townspeople when necessary. Her raven feathered eagle wings shot out of her back sharply, as her delicate hands had red razor claws morph from her hands. Deadly horns grew from her head as she yelled in rage. “I will do as I please! I control my destiny now! Does my own twin fight against me!?”
She could see the pain in her brother’s face, pain at what she was choosing for herself. Guilt welled up within but was quickly extinguished. Nickoli was still in her circle, trapped within the fiery darkness she had created for him. No one could stop her now. She was Nyxnia Jadis of the Richardson line. She would be powerful. She would have the control she desired.
“I won’t let you do this!” A storm raged around them on that ledge the twins used to sit and talk on when times were better. The rain poured upon them heavily, yet the violet dangerous flames of their world could not be extinguished. They stood there drenched as the lightening blazed about them fiercely, booming in the distance. It grew closer every time it struck and gave off a glow upon Nyxnia that was hauntingly beautiful.
“You don’t have a choice nor a say. Do you wish to try and stop me!”
“I will if I have to!”
“Then your fate will match Nickoli’s.”
--- End quote ---
And then this one, also being written recently because I always write in third person but with this one I'm trying to go out of my safety zone and its in Nick's pov, and I think I nailed his personality pretty well (the way he was back in 02/03 anyway when he isn't as together as he is now). Its the closet I've done to a non AU story cause he's famous, but I delved into Nick's rockier side had he chosen that instead of pop music back in the day
Warning: Strong language (and is a little long again lol)
--- Quote ---At the time I thought life was just fucked. I had four guys I considered brothers looking out for me, but I knew the world was fucked. I just knew. My family was a prime example. Abusive parents, eldest of six and ignored by everyone in my family by the time I moved out at eighteen. Six years later and nothing there changed much. Except when they need money or my mother wants to bring me down by calling and bitching at me. The world loved me and the world hated me. Well, the girls of the world loved me anyway. More accurately would be they loved my image. Nick Carter That was who they loved. Did they ever even like me? Nick? Can’t say, they never looked for him to find out. I had been working since I was barely thirteen and now I was twenty four. My life was hell at best and I was so sick of everything.
I knew there were some things not meant for me. I knew fame was because I had it. Loads of it. The youngest member in a band you might have heard of. Just maybe. Flames of Ice. Biggest group around since those gay Backstreet Boys. Though only way you knew of us is if you listened to our kind of music. We were fucking huge, but not overexposed like that boyband I mentioned. Music was my life. It was just a part of me. I write songs constantly and there is no bigger rush than getting up and performing. The tour bus always sucks though. I go fucking stir crazy on it and as Howie likes to tell me, “I drive them all loco”. So when I ain’t bouncing off the damn walls, I always was writing in one of my notebooks ideas for new songs. Yes I fucking carry notebooks around. No I ain’t gay, I just use them to get shit out. If I didn’t I would have lost it a long ass time ago. Wait, did I ever have it? Heh oh well. I’m one of the lead singers, and I’m on the guitar. Typical shallow rockstar I bet you’re thinking. So from thirteen on all I had were the guys. Damn good thing too or I would have been gone long before now. Not trying to get your sympathy or any of that shit. Just a fact.
--- End quote ---
--- Quote ---So that evening I was staying at Brian‘s. My place wasn’t far but he wanted me to stay that night. Heh, more or less because he wanted to keep an eye on me. The others were fucking paranoid I would make Jay’s mistakes and do the shit he did. Like I’m that stupid? Damn I’ve got a shitload of my own mistakes to make. There was a lot I needed to figure out. Things I wanted to figure out. I was having a fucking load of trouble doing that too. Everyone thought I was a happy go fucking lucky guy who liked to party like crazy. There was a lot going on with me that no one saw. No one saw through my fake smile. I was good at it. Been practicing since I was just a little kid. Hell sometimes I wondered if I even had a fucking real smile anymore. I don’t even know. The guys didn’t see through it either, it was that convincing. They knew what went on that no one else saw. They knew what I was dealing with but, they didn’t know how I was dealing. They thought I was alright, I knew I wasn’t. Who knew if I ever would be. So I played it up as being insane and happy. Why bring the guys down? They couldn’t help, I was alone. Part of that was my fault I knew, it had to be, but I couldn’t fuck up the guys’ lives with my shit the way I fucked up my own.
--- End quote ---
RokofAges75:
LOL Rose, where do you come up with those names?! They're really cool; I'm just wondering. Do you make them up?
Rose:
--- Quote from: RokofAges75 on December 29, 2006, 02:06:52 AM ---LOL Rose, where do you come up with those names?! They're really cool; I'm just wondering. Do you make them up?
--- End quote ---
Calypso is just a name I've always wanted to use lol. I love it. And it shortens well, and so I had to use it somewhere lol. Nyxnia Jadis is one I totally made up. Nyx is a real name though, it means night. Alexius I made up...cause AJ needed a more demony name in a demon dimmension...a nd Nickoli I made up cuz it sounded cool for the same reason LOL.
I'm alllways looking for different names, cause some get so overused lol. That and I'm odd. I wanna name my future someday daughter Destiny Rose someday hehe.
mare:
This was fun trying to find an excerpt I was really proud of and the one I came up with is from my sequel to Mel's Season's of Change.
--- Quote ---I looked out into the crowd and saw in the middle of all the people a small child, about three sitting on his dad's lap and sucking on his two middle fingers of his right hand. His dad was bouncing him. You could tell the kid was restless and just about on the verge of crying. I felt like that child. That kind of summed up who I was. But not who I was becoming.
"Life is funny how it throws us it's little curve balls. When I think about all the roads I could have traveled versus the one I actually found myself walking, I am amazed. Amazed and relieved."
That's when I saw my dad staring at me with the same look he had in his eyes when he stared at the static on the television. It was a look of wonderment. I used to read it as lost, but maybe I had misread it all along. Maybe the look was really one of expectation. Maybe in that static he pictured his accomplishment s, maybe I was one of those for him. I would've liked to think that my Father pictured this day in his head ever since I was born. Maybe that was the case. Or maybe he was thinking about my Mother. How she should have been sitting right by his side watching the whole thing.
"And so, my fellow graduates...I only hope that your season of change has been as painful, spiritual, life altering and exciting as mine has. We have a long road to walk into adulthood..don't waste a minute of it thinking about what you should have done or could have done." Just like my father.
I didn't say that thought out loud, at least not then. Many years later when giving speeches had become second nature to me while doling out advice or getting honorary doctorates, I found myself talking more openly about my father and my theories about his unhappiness. Our families overall sadness, but at that moment, I kept those words as a silent thought as I exchanged a quick thoughtful glance with my father.
"Strive to become the best person you can be and never forget the people who helped get you there. Because in the end that's all that really matters. Thank you."
I stepped away from the podium to the sounds of silence followed by a roar of applause. People were standing up for me. My family was cheering. AJ making whistling sounds. I wasn't sure when I should walk away, so I waited for Mrs. Christopher to give me a cue which she finally did.
As I walked back down to my chair I took one final look at the crowd, how different things were going to be for me now. I was terrified but open for the challenge. That's what life was all about.
--- End quote ---
those were the last few paragraphs of the story.
my other favorite passage is muc much shorter and it comes from It Stays with You and it's Brian talking...
--- Quote ---You know, life is not about happy endings. I’m sure a lot of you who may be reading this might think that it would have ended a bit differently. Maybe we catch the bad guy and fight, I stab him in the chest and we all live happily ever after, finally getting my revenge. Believe me; I would have liked nothing more than for that to happen. Unfortunately, this tale ends a bit differently. There is no happy ending for me. In my world, there is only to be continued…
--- End quote ---
Not sure what it is about that I like. I just always remember it for some reason and considering the fact that i'm lucky I can remember my own name, that says a lot I guess...who am I again? lmao
Navigation
[0] Message Index
[#] Next page
[*] Previous page
Go to full version