Chapter 1 – Give and Take

Howie exhaled a painful breath as he stared out at the gorgeous view his bedroom veranda had to offer. The sun was just starting to dip into the ocean, setting off an eruption of beautiful hues across the pale blue sky. It was his favorite time of day, just watching as the waves gently rolled before the tide would rise for the evening. The sweetly salty spray of the ocean misted against his deep caramel skin as he leaned further back in his chair, knowing that this cool night would be spent alone. His recent romance had turned sour, leaving a pitiful ache in the center of his heart. He should have been rejoicing then. After all, he had returned to the studio with his best friends and band mates to create yet another album, Black and Blue. They were probably the hottest sensation on the market at the moment. Yet, he was still lonely.

"Howie?! Ya damn Latino bastard, where are you?!" a raspy voice beckoned from inside his lavish home, breaking away the mournful thoughts that made Howie consider the darkest of actions when he watched his other friends falling desperately, helplessly in love.

"Thanks for the compliment," Howie muttered, resting his bare feet on the railing. He continued to watch the sunset as he heard footsteps echo in the house. "I'm out here on the veranda, J!"

"What the Hell are you doing out here?" AJ blurted as he walked outside. His slightly bloodshot eyes were hidden by dark tinted sunglasses perched on his nose. "Do you realize it's Friday night? Come on, man, it's no time to sit around and not do shit. Let's go out!"

"I was watching the sunset..." Howie trailed, not even bothering to glance back at the younger man. Howie had known AJ for ages and as the years passed, both seemed to grow fonder of one another. To say they were best friends was an understatement - they were truly brothers. For the longest time, AJ had come to Howie for every dilemma. Yet, Howie had noticed a shift in the tide as AJ became wilder, experimenting with things Howie would rather not even begin to think about. Many times he had approached AJ on the subject, but it was quickly swept away without much meaning. So, Howie decided to just tolerate AJ, hoping he would straighten at some point.

"You mean moping about Sandy, Jessy, Rach--Which chick dumped your ass again?" AJ cackled, practically falling over his own two feet as he plopped into the chair beside Howie. He smelled faintly of alcohol, cigarettes, and cheap perfume, causing Howie's stomach to twist at the pungent aroma.

"Never did learn how to choose the right words, did you?" Howie scorned with a deep frown, trying to ignore the stench coming from AJ.

"Sorry, I forgot you were so sensitive," AJ laughed again, the raspy quality making the older man cringe. His voice seemed to get worse as the partying continued, but he didn't care. With the lives they led, the only downtime he had consisted of what he had just finished doing.

"I'm not that sensitive, you're just being rude. Her name was Corrine, by the way," Howie replied dryly as he turned his head to study AJ, which made him immediately cringe.

"Well, let me go buy you some booty so you can forget the whore!" AJ insisted, patting his older friend sharply on the back. "They've got a new strip club opening up down town that is supposed to be hotter than hot. The women are fresh and not to mention all natural!"

"I don't like strip clubs--"

"You really need to broaden your horizons with some broads!"

"AJ--"

"You're coming and that's all there is to it," AJ interrupted, pulling on Howie's bare arm. He would not be swayed in his decision. Tonight was their night to forget about pain and just have fun.

"Shit, J, take no for an answer," Howie cursed in shock as he practically tumbling from his chair, his feet slipping through the expensive railing of his veranda. AJ didn't seem fazed as Howie got stuck for a moment, just cackling with amusement as he continued to pull.

"Damnit, D! Stop being such a loose noodle!" AJ sighed with exasperation.
"The women at a strip club only come for a small fee with no strings attached! Even you can go in there without having the chance of your heart breaking. The only thing that might break is your dick 'cause you keep it on lockdown so damn much--"

"Stop with the graphic descriptions, please. It's bad enough you almost broke my feet," Howie interrupted, grimacing as he finally got his balance. It was best to go along with AJ a lot of the times, but he just didn't understand being tactful.

"Come on, D," AJ taunted with a low melody to his raspy voice. "I'll buy you one of those special lap dances! Any girl you want!"

"I don't need a lap dance--"

"Well you need something because if you don't get some ass soon, you'll become a virgin again."

"Better than needing penicillin shots every other month because you can't keep track of how many women you've been with or if you even used protection between romps--"

"It spoils the fun and at least I'm living life. C'mon, D, let's go already!"

"J--"

"Don't even start on your love bullshit. It doesn't exist. You're proof enough of that. So, go get your grimy ass a shower so I can pick you up some fresh ass. Damn," AJ insisted, pointing toward the private master bathroom attached to Howie's master bedroom.

"I don't--"

"Go!" AJ gave Howie a shove towards the bathroom, grinning when Howie stumbled inside and closed the door.

*~*~*

"How often do you come to this place?" Howie murmured in shock as AJ was heartily welcomed into the classy establishment uniquely named Devil's Playroom. They were given special VIP seating at the front of the darkened stage with the promise that the best ladies would be performing tonight. AJ grinned wickedly as he ordered a round of drinks, easing back into his leather seat as he made eyes at all the scantily clad barmaids skipping around for a quick dollar to be stuffed in various places of their skimpy clothing. Howie felt his cheeks burn with sheer mortification as everyone's gazes shifted to the two handsomely rich men stepping in for a night of fun, knowing exactly who they were. Howie could only imagine the look on Kevin's face if pictures of this night traveled through the media, so he slumped heavily in his leather seat, praying to God AJ wouldn't embarrass him.

"Lighten up, D! The women will be out soon to dance and we'll pick the prettiest for you," AJ promised with a cackle, fishing out a cigarette to light, which one seductress did quite quickly before he could reach for his own lighter. "Thank you, Doll-Face."

"You're welcome, Darling," she gave a seductive smile, running a hand through AJ's spikes. She leaned over the table, almost to the point where Howie thought her breasts would fall out of her 'clothing'. "What are you two sexy boys up to tonight?"

"N-Nothing..." Howie stammered, averting his gaze quickly.

"Well, my man over there just got his heart broken for like the hundredth time, so we're here for some live hardcore action without the strings," AJ spoke freely, allowing his expensive sunglasses to slip down the bridge of his nose. She was one of the most erotic women that AJ could have ever hoped to run into. She was somewhat shorter in stature with her long light blonde locks falling past her shoulders. The slender curves accentuated with the tightness of her black hot pants nearly exposing her buttocks and tight red baby-doll top ending at her bra line, emblazoned with the establishment’s name. Expensive rubies glittered from her nose and eyebrow as she played mysteriously with her ruby tongue-ring. AJ could only guess how she had made that kind of money. "And if you're this nice to us for the rest of the night, I'll definitely make it worth your while."

"The only whiles I have are light green and have dead presidents plastered all over them," she promised as AJ pulled her onto his lap. She grinned wickedly with amusement at the gesture, leaning to brush her somewhat bare breasts against AJ's chest as she continued to run her fingers through his locks. "And, what's your boy looking for tonight?"

"He's into those girls with a sweet disposition. You know, all innocent and shit that Britney Spears failed to pull off," AJ replied, his fingers trailing up and down her firm thighs. He could feel his blood heat at the touch of her breasts against him, and just knew he would be making her scream later that night.

"Then why'd you bring him to a place like the Devil's Playroom?" she laughed with true amusement, her blue-gray eyes glancing sideways to catch the dark embarrassment flooding Howie's facial features. She pouted softly toward him. "Cheer up, Sweetheart. We don't bite... Unless you pay extra..."

"I'm not into strip clubs," Howie muttered, barely glancing at the woman.

"He's going to love them by the end of the night," AJ promised, turning her face so she could look into his eyes. "Don't you think the girl who strips to country songs most of the time would be good for him?"

"You are a frequent flyer, aren't you?" she growled, her lips inching near his. Yet, as AJ moved to capture hers, she slid off his lap to fall between the two men. Smiling, she patted Howie's leg. "You are in luck tonight, Sweetheart! The best dancer in all of Florida is taking the stage front and center in a few minutes. You won't find anything like her probably in the rest of the United States. She's breath-taking and she'll get you hard in a matter of seconds."

"Look at our luck today, D! She's fucking awesome, trust me."

"I do--"

"I wouldn't," the waitress laughed, standing up from her spot between them. She was about to adjust her hiked shorts, when AJ reached to help her. She arched her light brows with pleasure, knowing that her boss had already stated they had to treat Mr. McLean like he was the king of the business. That meant a hands-on kind of treatment and extra attention.
Howie said nothing in response, just slouching lower in his seat in hopes to finally disappear. If any of the guys got a hint of him going to a strip club, he would never hear the end of it.

"He's shy," AJ explained as he ordered drinks from the woman, making sure to slip her a blatantly large tip. She smirked, leaning down to kiss his cheek as she slinked away. When she was out of site, AJ immediately turned to smack Howie on the shoulder. "Would you get a grip, man?!"

"I don't like strip clubs! How many times do I have to tell you?!" Howie snapped back, rubbing where AJ hit him.

"You don't know because you never come! God, I think I have more fun with Nick in puberty mode at these joints," AJ scowled, offering Howie a cigarette.

"That's because you and Nick don't think with your brain, you think with your dicks," Howie replied dryly, shoving away the cigarette.

"It's actually not a bad switch, you should try it," AJ mused as the lights started to dim and the waitress brought back their drinks.

"My philosophy about life is you've got to try everything... or everyone... once," she replied, trailing a well manicured, acrylic nail under AJ's chin

"Don't leave here without my number... Preferably, without me..." AJ grinned.

"You going to make it worth my while, Baby?"

"More like your whole night."

"If you're lucky," she murmured, bending down as the music started to cue. Gently, she pressed a hand on Howie's shoulder. "I know you don't feel like being here, Honey. But, Fallen Angel is the best dancer out there... She's worth the embarrassment."

"Thanks," Howie finally looked into her eyes and saw she was being kind.

"Thank your friend after she's done dancing," she answered with a wink, disappearing like it was custom for the waitresses to do during dances.

"Yeah, you can thank me after," AJ laughed as the lights dimmed more.

"God, you're so damn horny for getting laid all the time," Howie breathed, sinking deeper into his leather chair as Kid Rock's 'I Want to be a Cowboy' geared up with the mechanical voice. Howie's dark eyes quickly adjusted as the bright red curtain snapped backward to reveal one of the most beautiful women he had ever seen in his life.

To say she was the house favorite would have been a grave understatement. All the men in various locations released deafening howls of sexual frustration as she smiled sweetly, striding forward with her hips moving to the thick beat of the sensual music. She was a vision as her soft strawberry blond curls bounced against her shoulders, tucked neatly beneath a black leather cowboy hat. Her bright emerald eyes glittered as if she were having an affair with every man in the room, her hands sensually running over her exposed body. The black leather halter top’s buttons were slowly popped open, one by one, leaving enough room for wild imaginations as the soft, peach and cream skin of her large breasts grew in sight, revealing a young woman's gorgeously maturing body. Her lower torso was wrapped with a pair of tight leather chaps and a red g-string, exposing her small, round buttocks as she turned to gyrate her hips with the music. Smoothing her fingers over the brim of the hat, she grabbed the center pole and wrapped her leg around to spin with dedicated experience.

"Told you she was hot," AJ grinned, watching Howie's reaction. "Just admit it."

"She's not hot... she's absolutely beautiful!" Howie finally exhaled, realizing he had been holding his breath since the woman stepped out onto the stage.

AJ rolled his eyes at Howie's description as the announcer welcomed 'Fallen Angel' to the stage. She tipped her hat toward the man, obviously her beefy body guard, listening to the music as she rolled her hips, moving up the polished pole, biting affectionately on her bottom glossed lip as the men howled. "She may be beautiful, but she's only good for one thing, D... And that hardly last as long as we'd like it to."

"Not all women are just good for sex," Howie snipped back before gazing at the woman again.

"That one is," AJ smirked, hardly offended by Howie's defense for the young piece of meat working the stage. He briefly glanced back to the stage to watch her movements. Unlike the rest of the exotic dancers, Fallen Angel had a certain flow to her movements and an actual routine. She wasn't concerned about just peeling off her clothing and bouncing around for heavier tips. Her dance steps were unique and far too good for a road blocked avenue such as exotic dancing. She truly could be behind the boys' band as a gorgeous backup dancer. She liked to allure the crowd, somewhat shy as the buttons continued to unfasten from her top. The seductively adorable smile on her face gave a radiant innocence that seemed lost in such a crude institution. And the look on Howie's face said it all. "Do you like her, D?"

"Huh?" Howie broke his gaze from Fallen Angel with a frown of aggravation of being interrupted.

"Do you like her?" AJ asked, taking a long drag from his cigarette.

"I..." Howie's mouth dried as he tried to conjure a proper sentence. But, all words seemed to fall short as he studied the light haired beauty on the stage in front of him. He didn't seem that interested in the soft curves of flesh she revealed as the last button of her halter top freed. Whipping it above her head, she tossed it aside before gracefully falling to the floor with the heavier beats of the music. Howie imagined so much more when he looked at her, noticing things that didn't seem to be in the other depraved men’s thoughts. Like the faded scar trailing against the right of her lower ribcage. Or the fact that there was something deeply hidden within her emerald eyes – a secret that she shared with no one. She looked so vulnerable despite the powerfully sexual movements of her body. And those beautiful green eyes shimmered with a lost innocence that Howie had been searching for.

"It's not a hard question... Technically..." AJ murmured, reaching for his wallet as he glanced to Howie again. "Do you like her?"

"I..."

"Can you speak a full sentence for me, Howard? Just tell me if you like her. Yes or no."

"Yes..."

"Damn, that's all I needed to hear," AJ pulled out a large sum of bills.

Howie's dark brow eyes widened in horror as he watched AJ neatly pull out six crisp hundred dollar bills. Without any thought, AJ leaned forward to settle them onto the black floor of the stage with a snap of his fingers. He then settled back against the couch, a satisfied smile crossing his face as Howie wheezed in astonishment. "What are you doing?!"

"Just wait..." AJ mumbled, motioning toward Fallen Angel.

Sure enough, she had seen him place the money on the edge of the stage, because her boss insisted on her keeping an eye on the man and his associates during the entire dance. Sitting up from her neatly flexed position on the floor, she crawled toward the end of the stage like a hungry kitten eager to lap the milk from her saucer. Her sleekly defined muscles pulled and flexed with every motion, causing Howie's breath to catch again. Reaching for the six bills, she tucked them smoothly into the side of her G-string before sliding off the edge of the stage. Knowing AJ was a rich customer and already having the repeated lecture to treat him better than any man on Earth, she approached AJ, fully ready to straddle his lap. Only, he caught her by the curve of her beautiful hips and motioned to Howie.

Fallen Angel briefly glanced to her side, instantly smiling with surprise as she surveyed AJ's friend. He was handsome with short clipped, dark curls swept messily across his head, complimenting the darkness of his eyes. She nodded toward AJ, moving with the music to straddle Howie's lap. Without any hesitation, she delicately wrapped her arms around his neck, inhaling the sweet scent of his cologne. She leaned against him as she gently gyrated her hips against his pelvis, whispering against his earlobe. "You've been a very good boy this year, haven't you?"

"I... um... oh God... yes..." Howie mustered broken sentences, falling from his lips haphazardly. He felt her grind against him and felt all the blood rush to the wrong parts of his body as she took his arms and wrapped them around her bare waist.

"Relax," she coaxed him with a soft kitten purr against the side of his face. She continued to work against his lower half, pressing closer until her bare breasts brushed against his chest. It had been a long time since she had actually had a good looking man paying for special treatment. "What's your name?"

"…Howie..."

"My name is Grace. Just have fun, alright? This is my treat to you since this is your first time here," she whispered, actually giving him a kiss on the cheek. He seemed decent and handsome, just nervous about where he was.

"I..." Howie swallowed hard, doing his best not to have his body react. But, it was hard as his entire lower half throbbed with anticipation. It had been so long since he had been with a woman. A good woman. He felt himself start to tremble as she took one of his hands latched firmly to her hips. Gently, she helped him brush his fingers upward toward the soft swell of her right breast. "...It's a sweet name for a sweet girl..."

"I'm anything but sweet," she laughed, her voice cherubic and light. She slowed the roll of her hips to the pace as if they were making love, rocking back and forth as she guided his hand.

"Oh, yeah?" Howie's voice trembled slightly as his fingertips brushed against the sensitive flesh of her breast.

"You okay?" she asked, leaning back for her bright emerald eyes to catch against his dark chocolate eyes.

"I... I'm more than okay," he replied honestly, losing himself in the depth of her eyes that seemed to lead to her soul.

"Good," she laughed as she plopped the cowboy hat onto his messy curls. She looked as if she wanted to say something more, but the music stopped and the lights brightened. She squinted in surprise, still perched on Howie's lap as wild whistles exploded from every which way. She turned to see her best friend standing over to the side of the stage, tapping her chunky heel impatiently.

"Racie!" the woman hissed.

"Thanks for the dance, Stranger," Grace purred, unwrapping herself from Howie's embrace. She smiled toward AJ with a look of appreciation as he handed her another large tip. Turning, she slid back onto the stage as she grabbed the white t-shirt and bottled water from her body guard, disappearing behind the thick curtains.

"So, D?" AJ prompted.

"I... um... I can't believe I'm going to say this..." Howie adjusted Grace's cowboy hat on his head. "…Thank you."

"For what?" AJ chuckled.

"She made me feel... well..."

"Horny as fuck?"

"No! She made me feel like a person again."

"Oh God, no," AJ groaned, covering his face. "D, she's just a stripper!"

"It's not--"

"D, go to the bathroom," AJ ordered.

"Excuse me?"

"Go to the bathroom and remove the feeling of being a person," AJ demanded, attempting to gesture toward the large bulge in his friend's jeans.

Howie looked down and his cheeks turned a beet red. "There's nothing wrong with being a person. At least a person has emotions, unlike--"

"Your emotions are going to be all over your jeans if you don't do something," AJ interrupted with a sharp shake of his head. "And since you haven't been laid in so damn long, you're looking to jump to the first thing in sight. She's just a stripper, D. Good for a cold fuck. Remember that."

*~*~*

"This G-string is riding up my ass!" Grace complained as she stepped out into the Devil's Playground's parking lot. She tugged hard at her worn and faded blue-jeans, aching to remove the piece of clothing that she never wanted to take off on stage. Twirling her long strawberry gold ringlets into a messy hair clip, she glanced toward her best friend and room-mate, Kitra, who just smirked with enjoyment. She knew Grace far too well. The younger girl was perfectly content walking around all day in boxers and a baggy wife beater, never bothering to touch an inch of make up to her already pretty face. But, that's not what the men paid for at the Devil's Playground. So, every night, she went through the same routine, walking to the girls' car so they could go home to their apartment, away from the perversion of their jobs, stripping when she got to the door, and collapsing on the couch for a hard nap. "Kit, you're just damn lucky you get to wear those hot pants to waitress. I can't wear those on stage... And it's not even like I have an ass that those jackasses would want to see anyway--"

"Oh shut up. You have an ass those men drool over, you just don't see it," Kitra interrupted with a laugh, pushing on Grace's shoulder. "Come on, I need a favor."

"What kind of favor?" Grace questioned, arching her brows when Kitra didn't move to the passenger side of the car to jump in. Immediately, she knitted her brows in confusion, assessing her best friend's wardrobe. She was in a skin tight leather dress, laced at the sides to reveal her freshly tanned skin. It caused goose-bumps to prickle against Grace's delicate arms. "Kit..."

"Racie, please? I'm going to get too far behind tonight with my John's and you know what he'll do to me if that happens," Kitra begged, offering her best pout.

"Bullshit," Grace instantly groaned with distaste, hitting her fist against the top of their car. She had been begging Kitra to stop selling herself on the streets for what seemed like years. But it was a horrid cycle. The more tricks that Kitra turned, the deeper embedded she became in the dangerous lifestyle. Not to mention her love of the perks that her 'pimp,' Evan, gave her as little treats. It was a bad habit, one that Grace had put behind her quickly. And every ounce of her feisty attitude flashed deeply within her bright emerald eyes at the request, causing Kitra to step back for a moment. "You know that I only helped you out before so Evan wouldn't skin your hide for not paying him back for the drugs--"

"Evan likes you so much, Racie! You're so damn cute and sweet. Tons of his clients want you. Hell, he wants you. He'd be so happy if you just put in a few hours. Please?"

"No, Kit.”

"Racie, please? You could make more in one hour than in a night here at Devil's--"

"That one lap dance at the end of the night was worth eight hundred dollars, Kit!" Grace exploded, leaning against the car as she rubbed her tired face. She hated having this fight with Kitra, but it seemed to happen every night. The deeper in trouble Kitra fell, the harder the pressure was for Grace to fix it. She may have been the younger one of the two at twenty one years of age, but she certainly was the parent. Kitra was haphazard and reckless, taking life as one big game. Compared to Grace fighting everyone and everything just to simply survive. This wasn't a game to her.

"Racie, just for tonight! We could roll in enough money to get food and rent for the next four months with no worries!" Kitra tried again, taking a step forward.

"We already have enough money for food and rent with our steady jobs... Unless you're doing something with that money that I keep putting back for us..."

"What? No, I told you I'm clean--"

"After how many times relapsing?"

"Racie..."

"Promise me, Kit."

"I promise, Racie. I haven't used any for drugs."

"Then we should have enough to last us. So we can go home, get some nice showers, and enjoy my leftover Domino's pizza," Grace decided, trusting Kitra's statement. The girls had been together for several years, both running away from different states to arrive in Florida with many hopes and dreams. Grace was a talented young woman with a great deal of smarts. Her singing voice was golden, her dancing was phenomenal, and she had the soul of a true poet. Kitra was lively and entertaining with a strong hand in writing and passion for business. But, the darkness of the city had enveloped them both, seeming to be a tradition as darkness always had a way of following Grace.

"Racie, you know it's not that simple for me just to leave my John's. Do you know what Evan will do to me?" Kitra shook her head, still not opening the car door.

"Unfortunately, I do..." Grace sighed, chewing on her bottom lip with regret. She didn't have to lecture Kitra about the dangers of prostitution and why she refused to participate. Far too many times, when they were leaving Devil's Playground the girls would see yet another useless woman being pulled from the garbage heap that her john had left her in. It terrified Grace when Kitra didn't return home for long stretches of time. She could recall far too many times that Kitra would come limping home in agony because it had been a slow night and Evan needed money to support his various habits. And now that Evan was fixing his eye on Grace, working the streets had been twice as hard on Kitra. Until he got what he wanted, he'd put Kitra through Hell.

"I've got really tough Johns tonight, Racie... Evan would be so much happier and I could get done so much quicker. We can take them to the same hotel room. We've done it before. Will you please just consider--"
"Kit, no," Grace whispered, rubbing her bare arms as the warm air seemed to dramatically cool against her sweet skin. "It's dangerous and sex really isn't my thing..."

"Could have fooled me," Kitra scoffed. "You were all up in arms over McLean's friend tonight."

"Eight hundred dollar score, Kitra," Grace growled with malcontent as Kitra began to lash at her like a spoiled child.

"Looked like you were more interested in him than the money," Kitra retorted with a roll of her blue-gray eyes that were heavily coated in dark make-up.

"Damnit, Kitra," Grace seethed with disbelief. "You know my history and you know my rules--"

"It's human nature to be attracted to the opposite sex and whatever you believe otherwise, you're a human. Just admit it; you were interested in McLean's friend."

"Any part of my heart that may have been attracted to McLean's friend died the day I learned what the words Daddy's Little Girl really meant," Grace hissed, clenching her fists.

Kitra stepped back once again, holding up her own hands in defense. "I'm just saying--"

"If he comes back, he's going to be a helluva big tipper. I was looking out for us, Kit. How many times can you say that?" Grace snapped, leaning against the car as she folded her hands curled underneath her perky breasts.

"That was low, Racie. Really low," Kitra whispered, narrowing her eyes at the younger woman.

"Look at where we are... How much lower could we possibly get?"

"Racie," Kitra exhaled bitterly, knowing the young girl's feistiness would probably be the death of them both. It seemed like yesterday when she had stumbled into a young teenage Grace, trembling with cold and hunger. She remembered the blood stains coating her worn jean jacket and jeans as she sobbed heavily. Kitra had done her best to clean up the young girl in hopes to quiet her, but the sobs continued throughout the night. It was hard to talk about still, because the emotions were still raw beneath Gracie's toughened skin. But that had been the last time that Kitra had ever seen Grace cry... "I'm going to ask you one more time to please go out with me and help me out."

"No, no way in Hell. I'm not helping you out with Evan and this shit again. I'm tired of it and I'm tired of having to worry about you every damn night. This is stupid, Kit--"

"Look, you strip to get money. I hook to get money. Either way, it's money and there's nothing we can do about it," Kitra ran a hand through her long locks. "You better get going home, I'll be back later, I guess."

"You'll be damn lucky if you make it home tonight," Grace chided as Kitra adjusted herself, moving to cross the street to her familiar meeting place with the various Johns. Disappearing into the darkness of the street, Grace released a fresh string of curses as she kicked her boot into the side of their car. She pressed her head against the coolness of the metal, squeezing her eyes shut. "I love her... I love her very much... I'd be fucked without her... She saved my ass... Lord, just keep her safe..."

After a moment of praying, Grace stood up and opened the driver side of the car, sliding inside. She rolled down the window before starting the ignition, country music playing softly from the old speakers.

It was unusual for a Floridian girl to have such a craving for country music, but Grace's roots stemmed from the country. She still remembered better times when she and her mother had lived far outside the tiniest rural city. There was nothing but beautiful mountains and farms surrounding their home that her mother promised would always be safe. She could play outside late into the evening without ever having to worry about some stranger harming her. She remembered her mother humming to the country tunes playing on the radio, so that's why Grace kept them close to her heart. Listening to country music gave her a link to her mother.
But those thoughts were short-lived as a sharp scream peeled across the sky, jerking Grace from her thoughts. Sharp chills raced down her spine as she recognized Kitra's desperate cries. Immediately, Grace yanked the keys from the ignition and stumbled out of the car. Cursing, she kicked her chunky heels off and started into a heavy sprint across the alleyway.

"Fuck me hard," Grace growled in disgust as she reached the back portions of the alley where a dingy mattress lay. Kitra was screaming painfully as she struggled beneath a chunky John apparently too cheap to pay for his good time. He repeatedly hit her in the face and the sharp echoes of palm to skin jerked her backward to the day her mother died. The memories were still fresh when she recalled that she was to blame for the murder, especially when she had done nothing to help. Grace screamed in disgust, imagining the man was her father as she barreled toward him with heavy blows of her fists. "You son of a bitch! Get the Hell off her!"

"What the fuck?!" the John grunted in surprise, attempting to push her off him. Kitra continued to struggle underneath his heavy weight, tears spilling down her cheeks as Grace came to her rescue yet again. "You get the Hell off me! Fucking bitch, mind your own business!"

"You don't rape women! This is my best friend, leave her the fuck alone--"

"She's a fucking whore! You can't rape what she gives up willingly!" the man snarled, slamming a hard fist into Grace's small gut.

Only, she had been hit far too many times to really care and retaliated by grabbing at the oily plugs of his hair. With a surge of power, she slammed the man against the brick wall so Kitra could scurry into the corner for protection. With sharp blows, Grace slammed her fists repeatedly into the man's face, her knuckles ripping as blood seemed to rain down from the excursion. Soft tears of anguish pricked at Grace's eyes as she kneed him hard in the crotch, her past mixing too quickly into the present.

“FUCKING BASTARD! HOW DOES THAT FEEL?! HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE REDUCED TO NOTHING YOU FUCKING SNAKE?!"

"MY BALLS! YOU FUCKING... OH MY GOD! YOU BROKE MY FUCKING BALLS!" the man shouted in pain, curling into a ball on the dirty ground with his hands pressed on his groin.

"Can't break anything you don't have, you piece of shit!" Grace spat, kicking him in the side viciously.

Kitra watched in horror as Grace released a large bought of vengeance on the man, knowing that all the emotions she liked to tuck safely in her heart had finally given way. Every single time, Grace threatened that she would be there to save Kitra from another mistake. Yet, there she was like some kind of guardian angel. Time seemed to stand still as the man slumped into an unconscious slumber, Grace never bothering to slow the brutal beating she was giving. Swallowing her jittery nerves, Kitra pushed herself up to gently grasp at Grace's arms. She immediately fought the hold, but Kitra called softly to reorient the unsettled woman. "Racie, hey, it's me..."

"Are you okay?" Grace heaved, still staring down at the badly beaten man as Kitra stood behind her as if she were in a trance.

"Uh, yeah... he just... he tried to get out of paying and--"

"I saw what the result was."

"Yeah... Racie, you didn't kill him, did you?"

"I..." Grace turned from the body as Kitra furiously wrapped herself around the younger woman for protection. Grace was shocked at first, but gingerly eased her arms around Kitra, staring down at her badly cut knuckles from the man's teeth. Heavy blood stains tainted her tan hands, causing her to shudder with remembrance. "... We need to get out of here..."

"Okay," Kitra nodded after a moment, letting go. They turned and began to walk out of the alley, the air seeming ice cold to the shaken women. "Oh God... Evan is not going to like this..."

Chapter 2 – Rescuing the Wounded

"D, you look like shit," AJ mumbled plainly toward his best friend as he shuffled into Howie's living room, flopping down on the couch opposite of his best friend. He immediately turned onto his back, fishing in his sweat pants pocket for his cigarettes and lighter, needing a morning refresher. His entire body somewhat ached from the after effects of a liquored night, but it rolled quickly from AJ's shoulders. Many nights, he partied harder than he ever did with Howie at Devil's Playground. It was like a walk in the park for AJ, but Howie looked miserably haggard. But, he hadn't partied at all that night. The only excitement he had endured was with 'Fallen Angel,' which caused AJ's dark brows to furl with annoyance.

"What the fuck in your problem, Dorough?"

"Do you really need to swear all the time?" Howie raised an achy eyebrow, holding back a groan as he ran a hand through his curls.

"Hell yes," AJ mumbled with the cigarette flopping between his lips as he tried to light it. "So, again, what the fuck is your problem? You hardly drank last night. Did you let yourself blue ball instead of going to the bathroom like I told you?"

"You drive me crazy. You know that, right?"

"I wouldn't be living life if I didn't," AJ shrugged, lighting up and taking a deep inhale of smoke before letting it out in a long stream. "What's your problem?"

"My problem is you smoking in my house," Howie scowled, wrinkling his nose at the foul smelling aroma of burning tobacco.

"My heart bleeds for you," AJ promised, reached to tap his ashes into the empty Pepsi can on Howie's coffee table. Only, when he leaned, he noticed the familiar black leather cowboy hat off to the side of Howie. He grimaced, "You kept the hat? Isn't that a little obsessive?"

"This coming from you who has how many hats stuffed in a single walk-in closet?" Howie fired back with annoyance.

"My hats aren't from some stripper I have an emotional hard-on for who doesn't even know my first name--"

"Yes, she does and I know her first name. Just lay off, will you? I went to the strip club, wasn't that enough?"

"No! You corrupted the strip club!"

"How did I do that?!"

"You got emotionally attached to that stripper. One fucking lap dance for your near-virgin ass and you lose complete control. You dreamed about her last night, didn't you? You've been thinking about her since we fucking left, huh? Admit it, D! That's why you look like such complete shit," AJ fired with contempt, flicking his cigarette butt into the middle of Howie's glass coffee table.

"Pick that up."

"Hell--"

"Pick that nasty thing up and put it into the soda can."

"Answer my questions first, Mr. Anal."

"What does it matter what I was feeling? I'm not like you, I don't do random flings. Now pick up that damn cigarette butt right now."

"It matters because you didn't just meet this chick at Tabu for a few drinks. You got an eight hundred dollar lap dance from a gorgeous woman who probably looked into your eyes and just saw dollar signs. She's not like you, D. She doesn't give two shits what you thought or how you felt. All she knew was that I was tipping big if she gave you a boner the size of Florida--"

"Fuck you and I'm going back tonight," Howie interrupted with a deep frown.

"Excuse me?" AJ choked, actually laughing at the absurdity of the statement.

"One, fuck you. Two, I'm going back tonight. You have a problem with it?"

"You are such an asshole, D," AJ laughed harder, shaking his head in disbelief as he stood. "I guarantee after she got you hot and heavy, she walked right back into the VIP room for some more private sessions with some of the big wigs of Devil's Playground. You're going to get your heart torn to pieces because you're finally starting to think with your dick and you can't tell the difference."

"At least I act like a human being. All you do is act like this robot that drinks and has sex to escape from reality--"

"You're giving me shit for my lifestyle when you're trying to catch a bitch that's the same damn way as me? How fucking ironic is that!" AJ exploded as Howie's front door opened and closed.

"She's not a bitch! Not all of them are like the whores you fuck every night with no damn condom, all drunk on Jack Daniels!"

"She's not the Virgin Mary, Howie!"

"You can't treat women like trash--"

"And where has it gotten you, Howie? A few dozen broken hearts and the thought of staring down the barrel of a gun?"

"Holy shit..." Kevin Richardson, the eldest of the band mates, cursed softly in surprise as he stood in the threshold of Howie's living room. The five men had scheduled to meet at Howie's house for an informal meeting, which would most likely end up as quality time before the hard work of launching a new album erupted. Only, Kevin never expected to run into such chaos as he held a box of fresh donuts and a jug of coffee. Howie was an easygoing guy, so it had made it easy for him to create a lasting friendship with AJ. Not once had Howie ever really raised his voice to AJ, because that had been reserved as Kevin's job. Yet, there Kevin stood, shocked as Brian and Nick somewhat ducked behind him as if it were Armageddon.

"Thank God, Kev! Talk some since into this idiot!" AJ boomed with relief. "Took him to a strip club last night thinking it'd get his mind off of his current girlfriend screw-up and now he wants to seriously consider dating the most popular strippers in the joint!"

"I never said I wanted to date her! If it was you, you would have fucked her without a single thought--"

"Whoa, wait a damn minute!" Kevin interrupted, glancing at both men. "You took Howie to a strip club?"

"Yeah!" Nick fired behind Kevin with annoyance. "What happened to calling Nick, too, damnit?!"

"Nick, hush!" Kevin held up a hand and continued. "Howie, what's wrong with you? Going to a strip club to get over Corrine?"

"Nothing is wrong with me," Howie sighed with a fixed frown. "AJ wouldn't stop bitching till I went to the Devil's Playground--"

"God, J hooked you up with Fallen Angel didn't he?" Nick hissed, obviously unable to keep his mouth shut to appease Kevin's temper. He leaned against the eldest man as if he had just exploded in orgasmic at the thought of the mystery woman. "God, she's a walking hard-on! I think I wasted my whole pay check on her--"

"And I shelled out eight hundred for Howie to get a good lap dance. Only, he can't seem to understand the business end of a strip club. She's paid to act like you’re the hottest man on Earth. She's paid to make you cream your pants. Yet, this asshole thinks he can go back tonight, give her back her cowboy hat, and take her out for a romantic stroll on the beach!" AJ interrupted, motioning toward Kevin to let Howie have Hell. "He's been dreaming about this chick all fucking night. It's ridiculous."

"Fuck you, AJ--"

"Hey, he's got a good point, Howie! Why would you want to get acquainted with a stripper? None of them want relationships anyway, and if they do it's for your money," Kevin replied with a raised eyebrow.

"Thank you!" AJ breathed.

"Where do any of you get off telling me what to do? AJ's the one who parties every night and shows up to recording sessions with a fucking hangover!"

"Oh shit..." Brian murmured, bowing his head at the tension Howie had just created. AJ had always been a wild child when he was compared to the other four in the tight knit band of friends. But, slowly, he had been straying farther and farther from their sides. His excessive exuberance for life hadn't caused any real trauma to the group yet, but he was walking a dangerous line. Kevin just asked that the others keep a close eye on him, knowing they couldn't do anything for him until he wanted to do something for himself.

"And it's my fucking life to do whatever the Hell I want with, don't forget that," AJ snarled, snatching his package of cigarettes and lighter. His bloodshot eyes seemed to darken to pitch black as he stepped over the coffee table. "I'm taking a fucking smoke break..."

"Damnit," Kevin cursed, moving in attempts to catch AJ outside.

"The girl's really got you twisted, huh, D?" Brian guessed as Nick tromped into the kitchen for something to eat. Brian would have stayed silent, but the tension was unbearable. He shifted a somewhat crooked smile to his older friend, seating himself on the couch.

"Don't start, Bri... just don't," Howie tugged on his dark curls in frustration.

"I'm being serious. Do you really like her?"

"Damnit, Bri..."

Brian shrugged, "I'm probably the only one that's going to be objective about this... Kev's too overprotective and... Well, we both know how good Nick and AJ are these days..."

"I just..." Howie trailed off.

"C'mon, D, talk to me."

"It's not that I'm trying to get over Corrine... I knew that was over a long time ago... I'm just, I'm so tired of these superficial women... They don't care about me, they don't care about anything. I just want someone to love... And, yeah, she's beautiful... But she actually cared to talk to me when she was dancing. She asked me my name and told me to relax. I don't care what AJ said, she cared about me... And there's something about her eyes... She's so innocent and I know that's contradictory given her career, but she's... I don't know..."

"Someone who probably needs to be loved as much as you do?" Brian guessed.

"Yeah... exactly," Howie nodded in conformation, looking down at his hands.

"Then go and talk to her tonight, you never know... she might be the one God wants you to save and love."

"You don't think it's idiotic?" Howie sighed, not knowing if his heart could stand another break without killing his soul.

"Nah, you just have to be careful," Brian answered with a lopsided grin, reaching for the cowboy hat. "Besides, it's good manners to return a lost item."

*~*~*

"How are you feeling?" Grace questioned Kitra as she made the normal series of turns to get to their evening jobs at the Devil's Playground. She glanced sideways to catch Kitra watching the streets anxiously for any signs of her obviously furious pimp. Both girls had numbed considerably given last night's events. After arriving at their apartment, Grace had rinsed off the blood and taken care of her injuries while Kitra watched the TV for any reporting of a local homicide. Nothing came about, so both girls consider themselves safe. That is, until they neared Devil's Playground. Evan ran his girls all around the streets surrounding the Devil's Playground, because it was an easier score. So, if he was looking to carve some blood for the misfortunes Grace caused the previous evening, there would be no chance of hiding.

"Not good... this is all my fault, now you're in trouble along with me," Kitra sighed, cupping her bruised cheek.

"You could have called off," Grace answered vaguely, not really allowing Kitra to take blame for her decisions. Kitra may have always had a way of causing trouble, but Grace loved her endlessly. She'd never blame Kitra for what happened last night. After all, she had whole heartedly attacked that man without a fiber of remorse and she would have done it again. Her life was about survival.

"I know, I know," Kitra had to turn away from the window. If Evan found her, there was nothing they could do. The man was ruthless when it came to power and money, making him the most feared pimp in Florida.

"Then why come?"

"You, of course."

"Kit..."

"You’re not Super-Woman, Racie."

"Yet I always seem to be saving your ass while in my uncomfortable G-string," Gracie teased, attempting to cause a smile on her older friend's face.

"They're not that uncomfortable," Kitra laughed a little.

"True, but... About what I said last night..." Grace trailed as she pulled into the dimly lit parking lot of Devil's Playground. "This wasn't your fault, Kit. He had no fucking right to... Look, I did what I did because I wanted to. And I'd do it again. I just don't want you thinking that you don't contribute anything to our lives. Without you, I'd be lost..."

"I'd be lost without you, too," Kitra whispered, squeezing Grace's hand. "You know... I would probably be dead if I hadn't met you."

"I know," Grace promised as she killed the engine, smiling toward Kitra as the older woman affectionately kissed her cheek. "Us against the world like always, right?"

"Always and forever. But we won't let the world win," Kitra nodded with a smile as well, both of them opening the doors.

"Or at least give'em Hell before we go down in flames," Grace agreed, reaching in the back seat to withdraw her duffle bag for tonight's costume. She then moved to shut her car door when she bumped straight into a muscular chest, causing her to cringe when she felt the coolness of a gun barrel poking against her abdomen. "And the monkeys come out to play..."

"Oh, shit," Kitra moaned fearfully as another figure pressed a gun into her lower back.

"Can't you stay out of trouble, Kitty?" the chunky goon questioned, poking her hard with the gun to move her toward Grace. "Boss is raving about the job you did on his favorite client.

"He knows that raping ain't my thing," Kitra retorted softly as she stood by Grace.

"Can't rape for what’s already paid for," the other goon snarled, grabbing a fistful of Grace's hair. He yanked her head backward so her neck was somewhat extended, pressing the gun toward the soft flesh of her throat as he urged her across the street. "Boss requested a private meeting with you two."

"Come on, Tony, just let Racie go to work. It's my fault what happened with the John," Kitra tried to compromise, yelping as the man behind her did the same and they reached a hidden portion of a different alley.
"Boss insisted that we get little Gracie, too. He wants to make her an offer she better not resist."

"Like I'd let that dog fuck me," Grace spat as she was thrown into an abandoned house at the back of the alleyway. She tripped hard and landed on a mattress, sneezing as dust flew into her face. Cringing at the smell of stagnant urine along with other bodily fluids, she hurriedly pushed herself off the mattress just in time to come face to face with Evan. He was a tall man, his muscular body layered in dozens of tattoos. His gold teeth glittered brightly within the dim lighting of the room as his dark black eyes blazed viciously. And the lustful glaze churning against his beady eyes caused Grace to gag softly. "Nice to see you again, Evan..."

"That's a greeting I could get used to... only you would have to be naked so I can see your fine-ass body," Evan replied, running his tongue over his lips and teeth.

"Pay the cover charge at Devil's Playground and half of your wish could come true," Grace stated sweetly as the goon named Tony forced Kitra to sit sharply against a splintered crate.

"Why should I have to pay? If anything... you owe me."

"Excuse me? How--"

"Do you realize how much money I fucking lost last night because you two bitches?" Evan interrupted, balling his right hand into a fist.

"That cheap ass bastard was going to stiff me!" Kitra protested from her seat when she realized that his right fist would probably be aimed toward Grace.

"That's not what he told me when I found his ass knocked out and beaten to a fucking pulp from your little friend Gracie. Now shut your mouth, woman," Evan snapped his fingers and Tony whacked Kitra upside the head.

"Who the Hell do you think you are?" Grace instantly fired as she watched Kitra bow forward from the sharp blow to her temple. The feisty attitude flared in Grace as her dark emerald eyes burned with disgust. She attempted to lunge at the repulsive man when the second goon yanked her backward in a choke hold. "Get the Hell off me! I'm not your fucking property!"

"No, but you're going to be my fucking property until you pay me back what I lost last night," Evan replied, making her look into his sickening eyes.

"Bullshit," Grace seethed, her voice hoarse as the man behind her continued to constrict her air. She attempted to dig her nails sharply into his thick skin, but he was unfazed, leaving her vulnerable to whatever Evan planned.

"You want to fucking bet, Gracie? You may act all tough, but you know I can cause plenty of damage if I don't get my way."

"Just add it to my bill, Evan," Kitra pleaded weakly as heavy tears started to fall from her blurry eyes. She feared Evan more than any man on Earth, but she couldn't watch Grace get hurt for something she had done. Far too many times had Grace risked everything just to save Kitra from a foolish mistake.

"Oh, believe me, you're going to get what's coming to you," Evan promised, turning to Kitra. He walked over and grasped her locks, pulling hard. "But I don't know if you're good enough to be one of my whores anymore, Kitty. You're so dried up, all the John's tell me it's like sticking their dicks in sandpaper."

"I'm the best you have, Evan," Kitra whispered as he pulled her into a standing position. She closed her watery eyes as he fully assessed her body with his hands, probing every intimate animal as if he were checking out a prized horse. She couldn't remember how many times he had done this in front of his clients, just another humiliating notch to add to her belt of life. She tried to think of better things when she was tortured underneath his hands or lying underneath a smelly, sweaty john. But the fear icing through her veins made it hard to concentrate without breaking into a sob.

"Don't you start crying like a fucking baby, Kitty. You know the routine," Evan replied as he finished by squeezing her ample breasts hard enough to bring pain and she whimpered.

"The Johns like me," Kitra murmured, squeezing her eyes shut.

"Like I said, you're getting dried up. The John's are getting tired of your ugly face--"

"Maybe they're just getting tired of you stiffing them all their hard earned money like you do the girls who are just trying to scrape by in life?" Grace exploded from behind, causing Kitra to cringe as Evan actually started to laugh heartily, sauntering back toward Grace to play with her like a mouse on a string, knowing it killed Kitra.

"You see that, Kitty? That Firecracker is what all my men are looking for. They go over to Devil's Playground just to see her shake that firm little ass. She's fresh and feisty. Everything a man wants when he's trying to break in a new pet. They like that fight and to know that she's their slave. And when they heard that she threw tricks for me before... Naturally, they were offering triple what they usually pay for your skank ass. This little Honey Pot is going to make me rich... But of course, I'll have to test drive her first..."

"You're not going to touch her!" Kitra tried to stand up and fight Evan.

"Little late for the attitude, Kitra," Evan snarled as he nodded toward Tony. The cumbersome man yanked Kitra backward, pinning her sharply toward the wall so she had full view of what Evan planned with Grace.

"Evan--"

"So, Little Gracie, are you taking my offer?" Evan growled, stepping forward to run his tongue along the side of her neck to her cheek. "It's a rewarding experience. I'll keep you in draped in the finest ice. You'll be in Heaven, Baby. Treat me right and I'll treat you like a Goddess..."

"No," Grace whispered forcefully, her eyelids drooping slightly from the lack of oxygen.

"Give her more slack, she's going to pass out," Evan ordered the goon, who did so. He turned back to Grace with raised eyebrows. "No, huh? There are ways for me to change your mind."

"You still don't understand... So, let me rephrase... No way in Hell..."

"I'm not stopping until you say yes," Evan leaned in and bit her earlobe hard enough to draw blood.

"Then you're going to have to kill me," Grace winced, biting down hard on her bottom lip to keep from crying out. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction as she listened to Kitra sob softly off to the side, pleading for Tony to let them go.

"Not until you pay me back for that last john and much more. Making you live and suffer is so much better than killing you," Evan whined nastily.

"You're a little late for that."

*~*~*

"Are you sure you want to do this?" AJ questioned as he hurried to keep up with Howie's pace, watching the older man fumble with the black leather cowboy hat. The heated discussion earlier in the day had died like most others, AJ and Howie coming to a nonverbal understanding with one another. There was no animosity between them now, most of it having dissipated on their drive to the Devil's Playground. And, it wasn't that AJ was being hateful to Howie during the previous hours of the day, but he honestly worried about his friend. Howie had such a golden heart and he lived life by following that heart. It was just inevitable that he was going to get hurt again and AJ feared what might happen if Howie put his heart on the line one more time.

"I got to give the hat back, don't I?" Howie quipped, trying to fix the hat so it looked like Grace had never perched it atop his head the night before.

"I guess so..." AJ trailed, shaking his head in disbelief. "You slept with that thing last night, didn't you?"

"Come on, give me more credit than that--"

"Then what did you do last night?" AJ prompted.

"I slept in my bed. Alone. Without the damn hat. Alright?"

"Maybe when you return the hat you won't have to sleep in bed alone for tonight..." AJ murmured, suddenly grinning wickedly as he slapped his hands against Howie's shoulders. "That is a fucking brilliant idea, D! Free sex for returning the hat! God, you dog!"

"That wasn't my plan!" Howie exclaimed as AJ began to laugh.

"Then maybe she can get me a hook-up with that sweet little piece of ass waitress! Did I mention how much I love you?!" AJ continued to cackle, jumping on Howie's back to press a furious kiss to his rough cheek.

"Too many times," Howie groaned, wiping his cheek as AJ stayed on his back. "Are we going to walk in like this?"

"Like what?"

"You on my back, dumbass!"

"Y'know, did anyone ever tell you that you swear too much?" AJ prompted after he slid off Howie's back. He was about to continue with his snide comments when his thin body crashed heavily into a burly man. He went flying backward in shock as Howie stopped, actually jumping off the sidewalk so the other two men could pass.

"What where the fuck your going, dipshit," the man hissed.

"Damn bitch is just lucky I didn't rip up her pretty little face like I did with her friend... Gotta save that little angel..." the man in between the two burly men hissed to himself, wiping heavy coats of blood away from his hands with a fresh handkerchief before tossing it at Howie's feet. "Little Gracie is going to be mine whether she likes it or not."

"Holy... did you see the blood on his hands?" AJ whispered after the three men walked away, saying nothing more to himself or Howie.

"He said Gracie..." Howie murmured with a cold confusion sweeping over his tensed body. He stared down at the saturated crimson piece of cloth, unable to push the man's muttering away from his mind. How many women in this world were named Grace? How many women in this world were named Grace and were spoken of next to the Devil's Playground where they worked?

"What does that have to do with anything?" AJ scoffed, pulling Howie toward the entrance of Devil's Playground. He didn't even want to think of where the blood had come from. It was better just to leave well enough alone. He didn't need those men coming after his hide. But the look in Howie's dark brown eyes caused AJ to curse. "Just leave it alone, D."

"Two women could be dying somewhere, Aje. You're going to let that ride on your conscience for the rest of your life?" Howie fired back.

"If it keeps my ass alive? Yes!"

"Don't you ever think of anyone besides yourself?!"

"You don't fuck with shit downtown, D--"

"Look, you do what you want. I'm going to look for those women he hurt," Howie turned and began walking away.

"Howie!" AJ whined in disbelief. "Don't!"

"Either you're with me or you're not," Howie glanced back at AJ. "What's it going to be?"

"You don't know what you're dealing with here--"

"I don't care. I can't just sit back and think life is great when there are two women somewhere laying in a pool of their own fucking blood, dying."

"What about your little stripper toy waiting inside?!" AJ tempted.

"He said Gracie. How many women around here have that kind of name? He hurt her and I'll bet the friend is your little 'sweet piece of ass waitress'."

"You... I... Er..." AJ growled with disbelief as he started to walk with Howie toward the avenue where the men had appeared from. "Fuck me to high Heaven!"

"This is the right thing to do," Howie replied, looking around for any signs of the ill-fated women.

"The right thing to do is going to get you killed one of these days," AJ scowled with contempt as he followed behind Howie. They traveled deep into the alleyway just to find a dead end. AJ sighed with relief where there were no signs, until he noticed Howie pushing against an old door that gave way with little effort. He cursed heavily under his breath as he hurried to follow Howie, not wanting to be left alone in the deserted alleyway. That is, until he tripped over a solid mass and fell face first beside exactly who Howie had been looking for. AJ immediately gagged in disbelief, hurriedly scurrying away from the badly beaten woman. She was beyond recognition with the heavy bruising and swelling against her face, blood coating her forehead from a heavy hit to her temple. But, AJ recognized her immediately by the exotic ruby jewelry. "Damnit! D!"

"Shit, shit, shit! I told you it was them!" Howie cursed, bending down to Grace's limp body. He watched her for a moment and sighed with relief as he saw her chest rise and fall slowly. "We've got to get them to the hospital."

"Just call 9-1-1!" AJ screeched as he watched Howie bend over the tattered stripper. Her face remained perfectly beautiful, but the rest of her nude body lay in tatters. Bruising and swelling could be seen along every inch of her body with several light cuts to her most sensitive parts. Heavy bleeding was found around her thighs and pelvis, causing AJ to cringe as Howie bent to gingerly bring her to his arms. Her right arm cocked to an odd angle as she grimaced at the shift in movement. AJ felt his stomach flip with disgust. "Damnit, D, stop touching her!"

"The Stranger..." Grace whispered, gagging as pain washed over her body with stiff, heavy throbs of agony. She was slightly incoherent as her emerald eyes fluttered, only recognizing the sweet smell of Howie's cologne.

"Hey, remember me? You're okay, I'm going to get you and your friend to the hospital," Howie promised, not knowing the full extent of her injuries.

"...Howie..." she whispered, squeezing her eyes shut. Despite the excruciating pain raging in her body, no tears were shed from her beautiful eyes. She just lay as still as possible, used to the feeling. It was almost as if a cold numbness washed over her as blood continued to seep from her most serious wounds.

”Just hang in there, everything is going to be okay," he reassured her, but was more so telling it to himself as her blood seeped into his clothes. He looked up at AJ, who was standing there doing nothing. "Help me, man!"

"I told you not to touch them!" AJ hissed, not knowing what to do.

"I'm not going to let them die. If you're that much of a coward, just help me bring them to the car."

"You don't know what kind of shit they have!" AJ screeched as Howie gingerly wrapped his jean jacket around Grace's delicate body. His jaw stood agape as Howie wrapped his arms around the now unconscious Grace, lifting her into his arms. "They're obviously fucking hookers, D. Do you know how many guys they score with on a single night?! Didn't your mother ever tell you not to touch shit?!"

"My mother taught me to help people when they need it and that's what I'm doing. If you're not going to do anything, then just get out of my way," Howie stood up, cradling Grace like a child.

"You..." AJ couldn't even find the words to muster his outrage as Howie kicked the broken door hard, shattering it sharply to the dirty ground. And, the worst part was, Howie didn't care. Glancing down at the woman AJ had hoped to take home tonight, he cursed loudly with disgust. Peeling off his expensive jacket, he tossed it toward the woman as a barrier for him. He then leaned to pick her up, practically running after Howie, cursing all the way.

Chapter 3 – Undeserved

"Howie, can we leave now?!" AJ groaned with emphasis, sliding further down in the hard plastic seat of the Emergency Room like an obstinate child. He had been bouncing around in the chair for the last several hours, wanting to get rid of the overpowering medical smell that caused his stomach to churn. He hated hospitals, especially since Brian’s heart surgery. Besides, they had already dropped off the broken women into the hands of capable medical staff, yet Howie refused to budge from his spot, staring at the nurses’ station. It was starting to drive AJ insane, knowing they were going to be late for a meeting at eight if Howie didn't snap out of his daze. Not that AJ minded being late for a meeting, because he usually always was, but, damnit, he didn't want to be involved with what went down several hours before. Those goons could devour his scrappy form in a moment. Howie was too naive sometimes. "We are going to be late and Kevin is going to have our asses for breakfast! Y'know I don't have much left from the repeated chewing’s!"

"Like you even care about being late," Howie rolled his eyes, finally glancing over at AJ. It amazed him how selfish the man could be sometimes. Not even wanting to help someone in need no matter what they did for a living. "You're so full of yourself and couldn't give two shits about anyone but you."

"D, do you realize how many prostitutes get beaten, raped, and killed in the heat of one Florida night?" AJ exclaimed, leaning to hiss at Howie's stupidity.

"And we saved two of them. That should make you feel good," Howie scoffed, turning away.

"No, it makes me nervous because those three jackasses that plowed us over in the street were obviously teaching them some kind of lesson. A lesson they would gladly teach us if they realized we helped them!"

"They didn't even realize who we were, so calm your ass down!"

"Word gets around, D!"

"Just shut up for once," Howie groaned in annoyance, standing up.

"Where are you going?"

"I've got to find out what's happening to them."

"You're not family, D, they ain't going to tell you shit."

"Just watch and learn," Howie walked to the nurses’ station, immediately getting the attention from a young nurse. She looked to be right out of college.

"Can I help you?" the sweet nurse piped, immediately standing from her charting to lean over the desk. She held a large smile on her face, obviously eager to help with whatever Howie wanted. She was different from the older nurses, not jaded with years of painful experiences of large city life.

"Yeah, I brought in those two girls that were beaten pretty bad..." Howie trailed off, a pathetic look adorning his handsome features.
"Oh my goodness! That was so nice of you to help someone in need," the nurse nodded sympathetically.

"Yeah..." Howie trailed, glancing down at his bloody clothing for a moment of reflection. "I was just wondering... Could you tell me how they're doing? I have an important meeting in a few and I don't think I could concentrate properly without knowing... Please?"

"I..." the nurse paled dramatically at the simple request, shaking her head furiously. “HIPPA says I can't tell anyone that isn't family about... I'm sorry, but--"

"I know, and I respect you for going by the medical ethics," Howie agreed. "All I need to know is if they're going to be alright. Wouldn't that be doable?"

"Legally? That's an invasion of privacy," the nurse squeaked in disbelief.

"Miss, please--"

"I can't, sir," she emphasized as her charge nurse appeared by her side to flip through some charts. The charge nurse hardened her glare toward the young nurse, causing her to shift uncomfortably. She attempted to step away from her boss, motioning with her bright blue eyes toward the side of the large room, concealed away from the station. "I'm sorry that I can't be of more assistance. But family members only."

"I understand. Thank you," Howie nodded, walking over to the area she had looked at.

The nurse smiled toward her Charge Nurse as she hurried from the nurses’ station. The clipboard of her patients, including the two Howie had inquired about, was hugged tightly to her chest as she approached him. Carefully, she guided him to a secluded portion of the room as AJ followed silently. "I shouldn't be doing this, but those women don't have anyone listed as Emergency Contacts, only each other..."

"Yes, but you don't have to worry. Only the three of us will know about this, Howie replied with understanding. "Like I said before, I just want to know if they're going to be alright."

"Okay..." she trailed, glancing down at her patient list. She glanced around for the names, obviously making a silent prayer for God to forgive her. "Kitra Carlisle... She had a lot of facial trauma and a large laceration to her right temple. She suffered a moderate concussion and a knife wound above the right breast that required stitches. Her rape kit tested positive for fluids, also..."

"That's your waitress friend," Howie muttered to AJ, watching his face pale at the description of injuries. "But Miss Carlisle is going to be fine?"

"She's a frequent flyer of this ER... We'll keep her for a few days and get some good food put into her, and then she'll be released. They're shouldn't be any complications from this visit," the nurse assured.

"That's good... what about the other woman?"

"Grace Thompson... Her right hand and wrist was fractured in several places which required the need to physically set the bones before a cast could be applied. Her entire body is one large bruise unfortunately... The markings look as if they were inflicted with the butt of a gun, but we'd have to wait for her to verify the information. She received several deep lacerations to her genital area and inner thighs, which required some heavy stitching. She didn't lose a great deal of blood, which is good... Her rape kit also tested positive for fluids..."

"Oh my God," Howie's jaw dropped open as AJ gagged quietly. "Will Gr--I mean, Miss Thompson, recover?"

"Of course, her injuries aren't life threatening... I haven't really seen her in the ER that much to be honest with you, unless she's with Ms. Carlisle... The physical pain will have to be managed, but the emotional trauma, for both women, will probably be worse than the physical..."

"Why?" AJ blurted.

"Being attacked and raped is very traumatic for a woman. She feels violated... afraid... most will blame themselves, though they did nothing to deserve it."

"They're hookers, though," AJ explained in confusion. It wasn't as if they were pure virgins being violated for the first time. It was an atmosphere that they were both familiar with. They sold sex for a living.

"Prostitutes give sex willingly. If it's forced upon them, it's entirely different," the nurse grew more somber at AJ's comments. "They lose the little dignity they have left and I don't mean to offend you but it's very hard to understand unless you've been raped yourself."

"He gives it up freely more than a prostitute does," Howie murmured dryly.

"I beg your pardon?" the nurse gasped as AJ scowled.

"I'm sorry, that was rude of me to speak like that in front of you when you're doing so much to help me," Howie apologized, offering her one of his trademark smiles.

"That's okay..." she trailed, shrugging simply.

"Can we go now, D? Your hard-on can continue as always because your precious STD is safe and sound. But, damnit, we're going to be late," AJ growled, folding his arms sharply across his thin chest.

"Don't be so crude in front of women," Howie growled back as the nurse's eyes grew wide at AJ's statement. "Go to the car, I'll be right out."

"You can't order me around--"

"The Hell I can't. I'll be right out, just go to the damn car."

AJ looked as if he might fight Howie's order, but at the slightest second he turned. Cursing under his breath, he stomped out toward the exit of the Emergency Room, leaving the nurse in a state of bewilderment. "I wish I could prescribe medication... Because I'd give you a free trial of Ativan for that man..."

"Horse tranquilizers would be best for him," Howie shook his head in disappointment. It was times like these when AJ's attitude and mood swings were hard to handle. "I'm sorry about his behavior. He shouldn't have been talking like that in front of you, especially when you're doing us such a huge favor. I don't know what's going on in his head lately."

"Well... Think nothing of it... Especially when you did so much for those women... I don't know their backgrounds, just what the other nurses tell me. They can be so callous and cold... But, you get such a different perspective taking care of them... They deserved someone like you to help them..."

"I just couldn't leave them out there to die," Howie shrugged his shoulders lightly as they stood. "I know a lot of people out there would, but I don't think I could ever forgive myself if I did that."

"I understand--"

"I don't mean to interrupt, but I am going to be late to the meeting... do you think you could give the women a note from me?"

"Sure, need a pen and paper?"

*~*~*

"Glad to see you're up!"

Grace groaned at the chipper voice invading her head, squinting against the bright lighting of her room. She attempted to raise her right hand to rub her face, but grimaced when the thick plaster of her cast scratched her face. The groan thickening in her throat, she attempted to shift away from the light instead, but her body protested loudly. Every muscle fiber within her body screamed with pain, causing her to stiffen dramatically, practically into that of a board so the pain would cease. She glanced to the white board on the wall, noticing it was three days later since the last time she remembered being awake. She hazily grimaced in attempts to collect her thoughts. Until, she felt a hand on her thigh and she physically winced.

"I'm sorry, Sweetheart," the nurse immediately yelped.

"She needs some food," Kitra mumbled from the opposite bed, catching Grace's attention.

"Kit..."

"Hey, Racie. I was beginning to wonder when you would finally wake up," Kitra offered a small smile as to not rip at the scab on her bottom lip.

"I needed my sleep..." Grace attempted to tease, biting hard on her bottom lip as the gauze was lifted from the heavy wounds between her inner thighs. She immediately stared up at the ceiling, refusing to move an inch as the nurse did whatever she needed to do to treat her. The memories of Evan's brutal attack swept back into her mind with every fresh bite of pain, causing Grace to tense dramatically. She didn't want to say anything though as the nurse stood right there. It wasn't her business.

"You sleep too much--"

"Kit, you slept for an entire twenty-four hours once. You don't have room to talk," Grace replied as the nurse finished her assessment.

"I know that was uncomfortable," the nurse assured as Kitra went back to practically shoving every morsel of food into her painful mouth. She carefully recovered Grace's lower half, moving to gently pat her shoulder.
"I have a letter for you."

"Why don't you get her a plate of food now?" Kitra suggested with a mouthful of pudding.

"Yes, I'll be getting her some food, but the man who left this note said it was imperative that I give it to Grace as soon as she wakes up," the nurse replied, pulling the piece of paper out and handing it to Grace.
"What can I get you for lunch, Sweetheart?"

"Anything Kit wants me to eat," Grace whispered as she eased herself into a somewhat upright position, knowing Kitra would end up meeting her food anyway. Her breath labored at the pain, remembering the feel of Evan's pistol biting against every inch of her flesh as he laughed with delight. She mustered some kind of smile toward the nurse, reaching to take the note. "Thank you."

"Get her meatloaf, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, chocolate pudding and a bowl of cherries," Kitra rattled off a menu for Grace, knowing she would at least eat the cherries if not everything else.

"It'll be right up," the nurse promised, collecting her trash from the dressing change before scurrying out of the room.

"God..." Grace breathed in agony when they were finally alone, turning to gaze at her best friend. Sure enough everything Grace felt from the neck down was emblazoned on her friend's bruised and swollen face. A square piece of gauze was plastered to her right cheek from where the knife had bit into her flesh, causing Grace to frown softly. Evan had been brutal, yet neither seemed too fazed by the idea or the vicious rapes. It was just another notch in their belts. Another reason for them to hate men.

"It's been worse, Racie... at least we're not dead," Kitra sighed heavily, taking a large spoonful of potatoes.

"Have you looked under my gown, Kit?" Grace sighed, taking the time to lift just a small portion of material to stare down at her badly beaten body. There wasn't one inch of peach-and-cream flesh amongst the varying degrees of bruised colors - pink, red, green, black, blue, yellow...

"I snuck a peek when your bandages were changed yesterday," Kitra replied softly, fighting the urge to bite her upper lip in apprehension.

"The Devil isn't going to let me dance for weeks until every piece of my skin is back to it's original coloring... Not to mention when the cast comes off..." Grace seethed softly, fingering the piece of paper with her good hand. "How bad are my legs, Kit?"

"Racie..."

"Just tell me."

"They're... they're bruised really bad. I heard the nurse say something about broken capillaries or veins or something."

"The knife he used... Kit... I need to know about that... Not the bruises..."

"Racie, I can't--"

"You have to, I can't see down there right now."

"Evan had a wonderful time with you, Racie," Kitra explained, bowing her head to play with the small portions of food that remained in her plate. She hated thinking about how it had happened just three days ago. How Evan had toyed and played with Gracie, making Kitra watch. The blood had made her vomit several times, which had given her a sound lashing for.

"I'm going to be walking like a duck for a few days, that's for sure," Grace attempted to joke, brushing away the thoughts of pain. She shifted to release an amount of pain reliever to ease her pain, smiling toward her best friend. "Looks like you've been stuffed like a pig for three days, huh?"

"As much as my mouth will let me eat," Kitra tried to smile but yelped softly as her lip tugged.

"I'm sorry I didn't protect you better, Kit..."

"Racie, no... Don't blame yourself. For once I'm taking the blame."

"You're going to go back to work for him when you're better, aren't you?"

"Racie..."

"Right..." Gracie trailed, already knowing the answer to the question. She allowed silence to slowly grow between them, dropping her gaze back to the note that had been left for her. For a moment, curiousness got the best of her. She distinctly remembered the familiar scent of handsome cologne lingering against the paper, causing her to think back to the assault. A faint hazy voice echoed inside her brain as she outlined the gorgeously handsome features of a man she had only met briefly. A man who had had offered her pleasure in her job. A man who had saved her life.

"What does the note say?" Kitra finally spoke after a couple of minutes just eating the rest of her food, though it had begun tasting like cardboard.

"I haven't read it..."

"Well then read it out loud."

"You're so demanding," Grace opened the letter and began reading the scrawled message:

Grace and Kitra,

I am thanking God right now for watching over you when I brought you into the hospital. It was so scary walking into that abandoned shelter and finding you both lying on the floor in pools of blood... I didn't think a man could be so cruel to women.

But I'm not going to dwell on that. You're both going to recover, though I know it will be painful and hard. I can tell you're both very strong. This note does have a purpose, but more like a proposal.

I was always brought up to believe anyone can be anything as long as they have faith in themselves and work hard. Some stumble along the way and give up, and that is true with you two. It kills me to see beautiful women who could have a decent job and make good money without having to lower their standards.

I would like you both to stay with me after you are released from the hospital. It's a large house with enough room and plenty of warm food. I can help you find a good job with health benefits, nice wages... the whole nine yards.

You can turn down the offer if you're not interested, I just wanted to put it on the table. However, if it sounds like something you want to do, please call me. My cell phone number is on the bottom. Please think about it.

God Bless, Howie "Stranger" Dorough

"Who the Hell is that?" Kitra spoke freely with interest.

"McLean's friend that got the expensive lap dance..." Grace murmured, somewhat floored by the beautiful words scrawled across the somewhat small piece of paper. But, her broken soul refused to be swayed. She could see the potentials for danger in every sentence, no matter how decent he was that night at the club. No man would be willing to make such a great sacrifice.

"You mean the one who was embarrassed as Hell?" Kitra nodded with approval. "He was really sweet and very handsome."

"No handsome guy is ever sweet," Grace disagreed, crumpling the note and tossing it toward the trash can. Only, it missed by a few inches, rolling onto the floor near Kitra's bed.

"Hey! That was a good offer he gave us!" Kitra exclaimed, carefully climbing out of bed to grab the paper.

"Filled with conditions that we're far too drugged up to comprehend right now," Grace scowled.

"Oh, stop. Do you want to work at Devil's the rest of your life?" Kitra smoothed the note and folded it nicely before getting back into bed.

"No--"

"Then I think we should call him when we get out of here."

"I am not relying on another man, Kit. I refuse."

"You're so freaking bullheaded--"

"That's funny, considering the shit you gave me for that expensive lap dance."

"Racie, why can't we stay there for a week? By then we can tell if he's legit," Kitra avoided Grace's statement.

"No man is ever legit and you should know that by now."

*~*~*

"You two were late."

"Talk to the hero Romeo over there," AJ scoffed, avoiding all eye contact with the eldest member as he slunk further in his seat. He nursed the lukewarm coffee, attempting to remove the memories of the pitifully disgusting night. He had at least hoped to meet up with the waitress under different circumstances, only to discovering her other job. It had thrilled him for a moment, till he considered the fact that he might have been charged for his wonderful night. Anger just seemed to seep deeper into his core now as he watched Howie, annoyed with his friend's golden heart. More so, he was disgusted with the fact that Howie was probably still thinking about his lovely Fallen Angel as Kevin spoke.

"Shut your damn mouth already. I'm getting tired of you whining," Howie snapped over at AJ before glancing up at Kevin. "I'm never late to meetings, is it really a big deal that I was late once?"

"The big deal is that you were late with AJ. And considering your current state of affairs with AJ... What were you two doing?" Kevin critically answered, seating himself at the large table with a fresh cup of coffee. It was embarrassing that they had to wait for Howie and AJ to arrive. It made them all look haphazard and foolish, pricking Kevin's pride with a sharp pin. But, more so, Kevin was concerned about what happened last night, especially when Brian bowed his head to avoid looking.

"Nothing to ruin our reputation, so calm down."

"Thank God for that, but I'm worried about you, D."

"Nothing's wrong, just back off."

"Then why can't you tell me where you were?"

"Because you'd have an absolute shit fit," AJ murmured.

"Excuse me?"

"You can never keep your mouth shut, can you?" Howie groaned, reaching over to smack AJ upside the head.

"Thought it was a noble and grand thing that we did, D?" AJ scowled, immediately covering the portion of his stinging skull. He sneered toward Howie, deciding to wound Howie back. "You should be so proud! You should share it with the world!"

"Fuck you!"

"What is with you two?" Kevin growled with annoyance, separating them before anything further could happen. "Damnit, Howie! What's your problem?!"

"AJ's a damn prick, that's my problem," Howie muttered, glaring towards AJ.

"Heaven forbid that I actually give two shits about you trying to get yourself killed by playing with dead animals," AJ sneered.

"They're human beings, unless you've decided to fuck animals because they had the profession you seem to like--"

"Would you two stop acting like children?" Kevin growled, pushing AJ's chair toward the far wall near Nick. AJ bumped hard into the wall, which brought on a string of curses, but he remained still as he glared sharply at Howie. Kevin rolled his eyes with annoyance and then took a seat beside Howie, pulling his chair closer. "Start explaining now, D."

"There's nothing to explain--"

"No, D, tell him about how you made us bring two whores to the hospital after their pimp beat the shit out of them and left them for dead," AJ interrupted.

"You did what?" Kevin choked as Brian and Nick paled.

"What did you expect me to do? Walk away?" Howie defended himself, making a note to throttle AJ later.

"Are you stupid?" Kevin spoke freely.

"I did what was right. J may not give a shit, but I helped save two lives! I don't think it's stupid."

"Howie if that man would have seen you--"

"He didn't come back, did he? I would be dead right now if that happened."

"Oh! But it gets better," AJ taunted from his spot, deciding to make Howie's life a living Hell - just as the boys seemed to do to his. "The whore he picked up is the stripper that he has a hard-on for. He was taking back her cowboy hat so he could see her again--"

"You fucking asshole, shut up!" Howie growled as he lunged over at AJ.

"Holy shit!" Nick squeaked as he dove out of the way, fully insistent that he wasn't going to be in this blood bath. He quickly crawled underneath Brian's chair as Kevin jumped, hurriedly pinning Howie to the wall.

"Jesus Christ Almighty, Howie! Would you get a fucking grip on yourself?!" Kevin hollered, slamming Howie against the wall for further emphasis. "This stripper is making you crazy and it's not good! You need to leave well enough alone! You hear me?!"

"You can't tell me what to do! You don't know shit about what happened! You know who you should be worrying about? That fucking asshole right over there!" Howie pointed to AJ viciously. "He parties every single night, fucks any girl who crosses his path, doesn't use a damn condom and can't remember what he did the next day! If anyone needs help, it's him!"

"And do you think you're helping matters by always pointing that out?" Kevin hissed at him as all expression left AJ's face. It was obvious that the wayward man's heart had been cut from Howie's violent words. They had done their best to keep AJ on the right path and were at odds about how to deal with it. The harder they pushed, the harder AJ fought. So, they tried to loosen around him, but Howie was blowing that to pieces.

"No one else will say it. Walking on eggshells around him makes it worse!"

"You need to calm down."

"You need to let go of me."

"And what happens when I do that?"

"I'm getting the Hell out of here before I do something I regret."

Chapter 4 – Mistakes, Grievances, and Chances

"Thank God for elevators," Grace spoke freely as the doors opened to the top floor of the girls' apartment complex. She had been used to climbing several floors of steps in their last apartment complex, hoping to side step the rats that scattered. But with her well paying job at Devil's Playground, the girls could afford something better. It wasn't the Ritz, but it was decent. Gingerly, Grace stepped out of the elevator with a wide stance and type of waddle to her gait. She made sure that her injured thighs never brushed against one another, her hips minimally moving with each step as she tried to avoid the raging pain. Six days in the hospital total and the girls had been released with a clean bill of health. No primary STDs had been detected in the rape kits, which gave Grace a small bit of hope. She knew they'd have to stop back at the clinic for a period of months just to assure that there was no change. Still, many other worries invaded her mind as she walked down the hall with Kitra at her side. She was basically unemployed with her injuries as well as Kitra and fretting how next month's rent, bills, and food supply would be made. It seemed as if God were always frowning on her. She had contemplated suicide several times, though, at the end, she decided that God just wasn't worth it.

"Amen to that," Kitra replied, just wanting to lie down in bed and hope money will miraculously fall into their laps.

"I really want a long tubby..." Grace decided after a few moments of silence lapsed between the girls. The stretch of hallway seemed forever as her bruised and broken body screamed with each miniscule step. She played with the hem of the sling holding her heavy cast, chewing thoughtfully on her bottom lip. She loved to just linger in their tub, forgetting how much the world hated her.

"You can take your tubby, and I'll take a nap," Kitra negotiated, running a finger over her gauzed cheek.

"You sure?" Grace questioned turning toward her friend as she reached into the medical bag to retrieve her keys. Everything that had been found on their persons in the ER had been collected into two small bags and since their clothing had been shredded, they were each given a pair of hospital issue scrubs to wear home. The nurses had been more than kind to them during their stay.

"Tubbies are more your thing," Kitra nodded, absentmindedly swinging her small bag back and forth as they reached the door.

"True... You just like standing in the shower with a fine ass man," Grace attempted to tease as she freed her keys, fully prepared to push them into the lock. Only, her actions were halted when the key didn't fit properly and a bright orange piece of paper seemed to scream into her face. She stood silent for a moment, glancing over the writing. EVICTION NOTICE - RENT NOT PAID. Grace blinked rapidly as she glanced down at the small box next to the doorway, knowing the rest of their possessions had been sold to make the payment. Grace's emerald eyes well with tears that she would never shed as she glanced to her older friend. "Kit... You told me the rent was paid for this month."

"It was... until I... well..." Kitra trailed off, looking down at her hands. She had taken the money for rent and given it to Evan for her drug fix.

"Kit... don't tell me... you promised."

"Racie... I couldn't help it... I was so stressed and--"

"Damnit, Kit, you promised!" Grace groaned with disbelief, slamming her cast into the door of the apartment. The anger flooding through her system as she turned toward Kitra, fully prepared just belt the woman. But, instead, she turned to slam her cast back against the door again as she cursed with disgust. "I hope that snort was fucking terrific, Kit, because we're fucked! We have no home! We have no food! We have no money! We have nothing!"

"I'm sorry, okay?! You don't know what it's like to crave!"

"You made us lose our home because of your fucking addiction! Now we're really going to pay--"

"No, we're not, because we have somewhere to go!" Kitra burst, pulling out Howie's note and pushing it into Grace's face.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me," Grace snorted with disbelief, stepping back from her best friend with a look of pure damnation. "You rent yourself out to Evan so you can get high and now you'll turn right around and rent yourself out to another man?! Damnit, Kit--"

"I'm not renting to anyone, but I don't think we have a choice! Unless you know some rich family member that can help us out, this Howie guy is our only chance at survival," Kitra replied, shoving the note in Grace's face again.

"No way on God's green Earth am I going to let another man control my life--"

"Come off it, Racie! If he does that, we'll leave! But we don't have anywhere else to go."

"I'd rather sleep on the beach!"

"And freeze to death in these thin scrubs? What are you going to do for food?"

"I don't know--"

"Racie, I know I fucked up. You don't even have to forgive me. But we both know that going to Howie is our only chance."

"How about you don't fucking talk to me anymore, Kit?" Grace seethed in disbelief, turning away from her best friend with hurt. "Because I'm not going to that damn man's house."

*~*~*

"Are we interventioning without the interventees?" Nick mused with surprise as he stepped into Kevin's home, immediately noticing that only Brian and Kevin were present. His words caused a slight arch in eyebrows with the cousins, causing him to shrug without much care. He immediately flopped down on the couch, grinning with delight. "I love when these interventions don't have to do with me. So fire away!"

"You're such an idiot sometimes," Kevin muttered under his breath before turning to face the other two. "I'm really worried about AJ and Howie."

"I'll agree with worrying about AJ," Brian voiced, glancing toward his older cousin.

"Just AJ?"

"We all know that Howie never parties and has sex with random women like J does."

"Brian--"

"He's a responsible man," Brian instantly defended, flipping vaguely through the magazine on Kevin's coffee table. "He hasn't done anything stupid--"

"But he's fallen in love with a stripper," Nick voiced. "Given that she's hot as Hell and I would pay damn good money to tap that ass--"

"Nick, stop before you start," Kevin warned him quickly. "But he does have a good point. Falling in love with a stripper? That's low, especially for someone as good as Howie."

"What's so low about it?" Brian questioned honestly, glancing at Kevin. "Just because her occupation is... exotic... doesn't mean that she isn't a good person. Our family has taught us better than to judge someone that we don't know personally--"

"They never told us to befriend or date strippers, either. She'll bring nothing but trouble and already has."

"Howie hasn't gotten into any trouble--"

"Late for the meeting, his attitude change and almost attacking AJ just to name a few?"

"Because you're attacking what he believes is the right thing to do!"

"It's all for a stripper and a prostitute!"

"Excuse me, children?" Nick piped.

"What?" they chorused, looking over at Nick.

"Don't you think you should let Howie live his life the way he wants to live it? He's not hurting himself and he's not in any danger... And maybe if he goes for a different type of girl, he won't end up heart broken... Not to mention how hot it'll be if his girlfriend is willing to flash me her goods without getting up-tight about the whole situation," Nick attempted to persuade.

"That's what I was trying to say-- except for showing off her goods..." Brian threw his hands up in the air. "Let's worry about AJ, because he's really slipping. Pretending that it ain't happening is making it worse."

"And Howie is encouraging it," Kevin stressed with a scowl.

"What the Hell are you talking about? Howie's the only one who has the guts to confront AJ about his problems!"

"Which just aggravates AJ so he goes overboard the next time!"

"Besides, Kevin isn't afraid of AJ. Are ya, Kev?" Nick questioned like a small child admiring his father's perceived strength.

"No, he's just afraid to face the facts that life isn't so perfect since AJ began spinning out of control," Brian sneered.

"Shut up, Brian," Kevin snapped, glaring at the two younger men as he boosted himself from the couch. "You want to keep making this a big-ass joke and blame me, that's fine, but I'm not staying around to listen to it. We can pretend that AJ isn't our fucking problem. Hell, we can pretend that Howie going after a stripper is saintly. They'll learn sooner or later, without my help, and that should certainly satisfy you two jackasses."

"You're the one who wants to ignore AJ's problem! The rest of us want to confront him, but NO! That just upsets AJ and makes it worse... you ever think maybe we need to sit him down and talk about this?" Brian stood up as well, toe to toe with his cousin.

"We've done that repeatedly, Brian. Every damn time we see him we tell him that this needs to stop. Every damn time we see him we tell him that we're worried about him. And he comes back with that stupid ass slur about this being his life and not ours. So, fine, let him fuck up. I don't care anymore!"

"That's fucked up, Kevin! He's our brother, for God Sakes!"

"And we can't force him into anything he doesn't want to do. We can't legally put him into rehab--"

"So what do you suggest we do? Just sit back and wait until he OD's? Or gets into a fight with a dealer and gets shot? How far are we going to let it go?" Brian continued as Nick just sat there, his mouth agape.

"I don't know, Brian. You tell me."

*~*~*

Howie exhaled a painful breath as he stared at the ceiling of his expensive home, allowing the anger to slowly dissipate from his body. Frustrations still remained about the previous meeting's ending with the boys, but he could hardly do anything about that. Kevin was allowed to think anything he wanted, but it wouldn't stop Howie from doing what was right. After all, AJ had already called a little bit ago to leave a gruff apology on Howie's answering machine. AJ seemed to be pretty good at that these days - apologies. An excuse for everything always followed with the apology, however, but what could Howie do? Instead, he flopped the leather cowboy hat onto his face, inhaling to soft, sweet scent of J-Lo perfume mixing with a hint of roses and immediately conjured a beautiful image of his Fallen Angel.

"I think this is borderline obsessive," Howie muttered to himself, his voice muffled under the hat.

He couldn't help the way he felt, however, no matter how many times his friends nagged about his choice of women. True, the others he had dated hadn't been gems, but their careers were clean to say the least. Only, their hearts weren't in the right places. They had taken life for granted. More importantly, they had taken Howie for granted. He couldn't stand the heartache of those types of women anymore. He feared he might have to walk the world alone as his other friends created beautiful relationships with wonderful women. Until he looked into the exotic dancer's mysteriously alluring emerald eyes...

He hadn't been to many strip clubs, any for that matter, but something about her had lit a burning fire underneath his soul. Many women had offered him sexual favors, but he never responded to their cat-calls. It didn't seem important, especially when he considered what they were probably using him for, in essence. He was a handsome man, but he was a handsome man with money, which made everything different. Yet, when Grace's agile hips gyrated against his pelvis, reminding him of the beauty of a woman and making love to a woman... He couldn't control himself. He had responded in ways that he never thought were truly possible again. Desire was inevitable with a woman like her, but he wanted more.

"Don't tease me by bringing her into my life and letting it just linger," Howie spoke aloud, pulling the hat off his face as he continued to look up. "I love You, but Lord... let me know if she's the one."

As if God were answering, there was a sharp tap on his front door. Howie lurched in surprise at the loud echo, throwing the cowboy hat deep into his hallway. He furiously rubbed his hands against the back of his jeans, praying that the sweet smell of the gorgeous woman didn't permeate on him. Because, if it was his friends, there was no way he would hear the end of it. Only, when he opened the door, there was a sharp surprise that caused his handsome brown eyes to widen in surprise.

"You Howie Dorough?" Kitra questioned, holding the crumpled note up to the older Latino. Her face was still somewhat bruised from the terrible beating, but the swelling had absorbed, leaving her with remnants of the seductress she used to be.

"Um, yeah. Kitra Carlisle?" Howie nodded, looking a little beyond her shoulder.

"She's right behind me."

"Who?"

"Fallen Angel?"

"What made you think I was looking for her?" Howie immediately recovered as Kitra leaned toward the side. He felt his cheeks immediately blush a furious crimson as he gazed at Grace. She was leaning against the railing of his porch steps, her good arm gingerly helping to prop up the thick white cast in its sling. No remnants of the beating could be seen on her beautiful face, but the heartache that lingered in her dark emerald eyes spoke volumes to Howie's heart. She was, for once in her life, quite docile as she stood behind Kitra, looking none too pleased with the situation as she allowed her thick strawberry blonde curls to curtain her face.

"Woman intuition," Kitra shrugged as Grace continued to be silent. "But... well... to make a long story short, I fucked up and we have no place to live. We read your note and... here we are."

"Oh..." Howie trailed, still somewhat caught as he stared at Grace.

"Does the offer still stand or are you looking for another lap dance?" Kitra attempted to tease, falling slightly into Howie when Grace managed to softly kick the back of Kitra's knee as punishment. Only, Kitra looked enthused by the situation, running her fingers against Howie's muscular chest. "I'd be quite happy to fulfill your needs for room and board, y'know. I can be...nice..."

"The offer is still there," Howie helped Kitra regain her balance, away from his body. "You don't need to thank me in that way, I was just trying to help--"

"Are you sure?"

"I'm positive," Howie quickly assured, moving to open his door wider. He was slightly awed that the women had actually agreed to his offer, not expecting them to respond so quickly. If anything, he had thought maybe Grace was just a simple illusion. Yet, there she stood, just a few short feet behind Kitra.

"Well, thank you?" Kitra replied as she walked in, Grace slowly tagging along.

"It's not a problem at all," Howie answered as Grace slipped past him. It was all he could do not to reach out to lead her back to him, questioning the forlorn look in her eyes. But, she refused to make any contact with her, closing herself off with her arm wrapped tightly around the broken one, almost as if she were protecting herself. "We'll just have to have a few rules--"

"HOLY SHIT!" Kitra immediately cursed in awe as she stepped into his living room, cackling with sheer delight. "THIS IS AMAZING! RACIE! THIS IS FUCKING AMAZING!"

"It's beautiful, Kit..." Grace agreed vaguely, standing toward a corner so she wouldn't break anything of great value.

"Thanks," Howie chuckled softly at Kitra's response. "But as I was saying, we have to make a few rules."

"Rules?" Kitra immediately frowned, knowing she was most likely to be breaking them all. Authority had never really appealed to her wildness, which was partly why she was in such a mess right now. "Like, Racie stays in your bedroom kind of thing?"

"You're not fucking funny, Kit," Grace growled.

"No, not those kind of rules," Howie quickly disagreed with a shake of his head.

"What do you mean, then?"

"Like, there's no drugs allowed in this house... Alcohol on a minimum basis, nothing excessive... Mutual respect for everyone concerned... You girls can each have your own rooms..." Howie started, chewing on his bottom lip as he tried to make everything clear. The plan had been somewhat sporadic and he hadn't exactly lined everything in gold, so he was just as much in the dark concerning these things as the women.

"Seems legit," Kitra stated, glancing to Grace with her light eyebrows raised in emphasis.

"Perfect," Grace mumbled.

"Okay, then. Well... are either of you hungry? I have a kitchen stocked with any kind of food you could be craving--"

"Howie, Dear, lead the way!" Kitra instantly blurted, threading her arm through Howie's arm as she affectionately kissed her cheek. After living on such a short stipend for food, Kitra was ravenous for something. Of course, Grace always teased that Kitra was ravenous for everything. Including life.

"Alright," Howie turned to Grace and offered a sincere smile. "Are you coming with us, Grace?"

"I'm right behind you," she promised, though she had other intentions as they turned away.

Chapter 5 – Wanting a Home

Howie whistled softly to himself as he hurried down the steps of his two story home, making sure the guest rooms each girl had selected were perfected for their first night there. He had been pleasantly surprised when they showed up on his doorstep, knowing that he could do a world of good for them once all their injuries had healed completely. And the idea that Grace was back in his life sent tingles down his spine, till he remembered the haunted look in her beautiful eyes. Something had seemed different as she stood in his living room, agitated and restless. It was as if she wanted no part in this deal. It caused a sour note to ring against Howie's heart, but he did his best to brush that aside as he stepped into the kitchen to find Kitra digging out various items from his fridge. "Still hungry?"

"I'm always hungry," Kitra assured with a wicked grin, picking at the cold, crispy skin of the chicken Howie had fried yesterday. She looked to be in a state of bliss as her blue-gray eyes twinkled with delight. She bounced on the balls of her feet like a child in her favorite toy store, but to Howie she looked anything but innocent. The scrubs that the hospital had obviously given her had been altered to her delight. She had ripped the scrub top to expose her navel, flipping it and knotting it through her breasts to give her an ample amount of cleavage. And the scrub bottoms had been tightened to adhere like a coat of surgical green paint, ripped just below her buttocks to show off her curvaceous body and defined legs.

"You would get along with Brian and Nick perfectly," Howie commented with a chuckle, although his stomach was slightly churning. He wondered how a woman so beautiful could make herself look like such a... well, he hated to think it... slut.

"Who are they?" Kitra questioned with interest, hopping on the marble counter of his kitchen island. She licked at her fingers for every morsel of chicken, staring at Howie with acute interest. She had been on a high since Howie invited both her and Grace to stay in his beautiful home. It was a castle compared to the shitty residences she had kept in her lifetime and she knew she'd have to thank Howie in some manner at some point.

"They're two of my good friends and band-mates... you have heard of the Backstreet Boys, right? I'm not trying to insult--"

"Oh! Okay, now I know why you look so familiar!" Kitra interrupted with widened eyes.

"Yeah?" Howie chuckled.

"Damn, now I know why I made Racie dance to one of your songs," Kitra purred, extending her leg out to rest her heel against Howie's shoulder. The openness of her sitting position gave Howie ample opportunity to do many unspeakable things as her eyes glittered with appreciation. "You're sure that I can't repay you for all this?"

"I'm sure. Just knowing that I'm helping you both have better lives is thanks enough," Howie gently grasped her ankle and pulled it off his shoulder.

"You really like Racie, don't you?" Kitra laughed with a funny little click of her tongue.

"What makes you say that?" Howie felt his cheeks flush.

"Woman's intuition," Kitra approved, Howie's fiery cheeks already confirming what she had previously thought.

"If your woman's intuition is so acute, then you should have some concerns about the way you're dressed," Howie answered, easily shifting the conversation around. He knew he would have to take these girls shopping tomorrow before even thinking about inviting his band mates over to explain the whole situation.

"What's wrong with the way I'm dressed?" Kitra defended with a scowl.

"Besides the fact that you're almost naked?"

"I am not almost naked!"

"You are... Do you have any other clothes?"

"No. They were either shredded up during the attack or auctioned off."

"Then I guess I'm going to have to take you shopping tomorrow, huh?"

Kitra frowned, "I don't have any money--"

"I know. It's my treat for you and Grace."

"You're already giving us a place to live..."

"I know, but this is something I want to do. I'm not asking for anything in return."

Kitra laughed as she leaned to hug Howie, giving him an affectionate kiss on the cheek. "I can't believe it! I'm going to have to go tell Racie--"

"Where is she?"

"Down on the beach--" Kitra attempted to hop down from the tall kitchen island until Howie caught her shoulders. He pushed her back into her original spot, causing her light blonde brows to furl with confusion. "Unless you want to give her the good news?"

"Could I?"

"I won't deny you..."

"I think that's what I'm afraid of," Howie laughed nervously.

"I don't think I'm allowed to swoop in on Racie's territory like that," Kitra assured with a shrug of her bare shoulders, turning back to the chicken she had been devouring. "And, you should be so distraught on the fact that you like her. All the guys love the little brat. Evan's even crazy about her..."

"Evan?"

"...My pimp... he's the one who beat and raped us... he wanted her so bad."

"You're really frank about things aren't you..."

"Can't shy around issues," Kitra shrugged, unfazed by the details she had revealed. It was life. "And, Evan always gets what he wants... Eventually..."

"He won't be getting either of you. That's something I can promise, Kitra."

"Uh-huh," Kitra replied with a shrug of her shoulders, not really interested in his promises. "Don't be so surprised if Racie isn't thrilled with the whole shopping excursion to buy her affections."

"I'm not trying to buy her affec--"

"She's going to think you are."

"Why?"

"Because she's a stubborn brat."

*~*~*

Howie held his breath as he walked down the still warm beaches as the sun slowly sunk into the darkening sky, thinking of everything Kitra had told him. She had been quite blunt with her statements, far too numbed from experiences to really care about being so crass. Mostly what struck Howie were her statements about Grace. It startled him to think that she was already against odds with him when he was only trying his best to help her. It seemed unfair that she could judge him so quickly when he gave her every benefit of the doubt. Yet, he didn't know anything about her past, so he couldn't even begin to understand.

His body did though, responding to every signal as he neared the woman sitting just a few feet away from the incoming tide. Her strawberry blonde curls were caught within the ending rays of daylight, setting off a brilliantly gorgeous flame of golden lighting to compliment her peaches-and-cream complexion. The scrub set was baggy on her body, but Howie could still see the outlines of her gorgeous figure. The same figure that he had been so intimate with a few weeks previous. She was focusing her energy on something in her hand, which she instantly tucked away when she felt Howie's presence.

"What do you want?" she instantly responded, her voice catching a little with obvious pain.

"I just wanted to talk," Howie replied gently, no harsh tones in his voice against her attitude. "Do you mind if I sit down?"

"I'm not a drug abuser if that's what you need to know. And I didn't come down to get some quick fix," Grace announced, extending her good arm to show no obvious track marks that could flaw her beautiful skin, though it was badly discolored from the healing bruises. "And I'm not some junky prostitute who had a bad fight with her loser boyfriend that also turns out to be her pimp. Not that you care though. And not that you should care, because I'm not going to be here that damn long anyway. I'm here because Kit wanted to be here. You can check between my toes and fingers and gums if you think I'm trying to hide some nasty track marks from you... Tomorrow. I'll be your prized horse or every fantasy tomorrow. Just leave me alone for tonight, how 'bout it?"

"Whoa, hold on right there. I wasn't going to ask you any of that, nor did I assume anything. I'm giving both you and Kitra the benefit of a doubt," Howie held up his hands in defense, not expecting such a sharp outburst. "I don't want you to be my prized horse or fantasy or anything of the sort. I would be happy with just being your friend and I really don't understand why you're like this towards me when you were nice at Devil's."

"I only wanted to turn out a cheap buck," Grace guessed sarcastically, turning her gaze back toward the ocean. As much as she enjoyed watching it, sometimes she still longed for the fresh water river she used to play in all day long as a child. The peacefulness of the lake always seemed to soothe her soul, not like the constantly churning ocean that put her at such a state of unrest. She couldn't help as her muscles grew taunt at the warmth of Howie's body against her side. She had dreamed about him in the hospital, which just made her sick to her stomach. She couldn't trust men.

"Okay, if that's how you felt about it. But I've been treating you with nothing but respect. I'm not trying to tell you how to feel or act, but I always believed if others respect you, that you should respect them as well," Howie bit back bitter words. Grace's past was hazy and unclear, so he couldn't snap back. He didn't understand.

"How did you feel about it?" Grace returned, growing cold at the frustration flowing through Howie's voice. She immediately turned with every intention on verbally beating him to death, but she got swept in the dark coloring of his beautiful brown eyes. Every sour word slowly dissipated from the front of her mind, causing her to bite heavily on her bottom lip. She could imagine her mother turning over in her grave at the sound of Grace's ungratefulness. Howie hadn't done anything wrong to her, yet. "I'm sorry--"

"You don't have to be sorry. I don't know anything about your past and that's why I'm not making any assumptions," Howie interrupted gently, not taking her bitter words quite to heart. "I'm just trying to be understanding."

"Then I should try to do the same," Grace established, scolding herself for even to think of asking Howie what the lap dance had meant to him. It wasn't anything out of the ordinary. She had felt his erection growing beneath her subtle and seductive moves, knowing that her pretty face and body had roused a state of ecstasy within him. She had tempted him into thinking about sex. In fact, she had tempted him into thinking about having sex with her. That's what those strip clubs were for - men's fantasies. Nothing more. Nothing less.

"Then we'll both be understanding with each other," Howie compromised, resisting the urge to place an arm around her shoulders. It wasn't appropriate. "But I came out here to ask you something. Since you don't have any clothes because of current circumstances... I wanted to know if you would let me buy you some clothes tomorrow."

"And what is that going to cost me?" Grace grimaced, remembering distinctly the heavy prices she paid to get a job interview at Devil's Playground and for her ‘special’ costumes.

"It's not going to cost you anything--"

"Bullshit."

"I'm not asking for any money, any favors, nothing."

"Then you like Kit better than me?" Grace guessed.

"How do you figure that?"

"She's going to be the one turning the trick to pay for the clothing--"

"Um, no. I'm not taking anything from her, either."

Grace's light honey blonde brows furled in obvious confusion, never knowing a man to do something for a woman without a payback in his mind. "Then what's the catch?"

"There is no catch."

"There has to be a catch."

"There is no catch," Howie repeated.

Grace shook her head with refusal, "I don't take handouts."

"What are you going to wear everyday? Those scrubs?"

"If I have to--"

"Just stop. You need clothes and I want to buy them for you. Couldn't you just say 'thank you' and accept them?"

"No--"

"Grace, please. I don't know how hard it is for you to accept something without giving a 'favor' in return, but please, I want to do this for you and Kitra."

"I can't be in debt to a man again."

"It's not a debt."

"Until we leave and then you suddenly decide that a pay-up is in order--"

"Nope, that's not going to happen."

Grace rolled her eyes with frustration, turning away to pick at the fraying gauze layer beneath the thick plaster of her cast. "You're a stubborn jackass, y'know that, right?"

"Stubborn, yes. Never been called a jackass, though, so you're the first," Howie knew he had won the first of what he knew would be many battles.

"I guess women would be more inclined to call you a tiger more so than a jackass, considering your...endowments..." Grace stated intelligently, never bothering to glance back into the chocolate orbs that had captivated her when she first danced for him.

"I guess it was kind of pointless to wish you hadn't felt my reaction, huh?" Howie blushed heavily.

"Why would you?"

"I didn't want you to think I'm a pervert--"

"You are far from a pervert, trust me," Grace actually laughed, curling her free fingers around the coiled ringlet of strawberry honey hair. "Besides, I think it would even be hard for a monk not to pop an erection with a half naked woman grinding on his lap."

"Yeah, well, you're a very good dancer, if I may say so."

"Any girl can wiggle her hips and take off her clothes for a few extra bucks," Grace disagreed, trying not to physically wince as she carefully shifted her lower half so her legs wouldn't fall asleep.

"There's a difference," Howie insisted.

"How?"

"You actually get into the dancing and the music. You know what you're doing."

"Right..." she drew skeptically.

"It's just my opinion."

"And you would know wouldn't you?" Grace guessed, turning to glance into his dark brown eyes for just a moment. Her own emerald eyes shimmered with recognition as she concentrated within her memories. "But I doubt you'd give me even a bare second glancing if I were try out for your tour. And if you should happen to look at me while I'm dancing, you would only see the added benefits of possibly scoring with a beautiful backup dancer instead of the concentration and work that I truly value."

"Will you please stop assuming what I think and or feel about you? You've got a talent in dancing, I can see that," Howie frowned softly at her accusations.

"If you don't assume in my line of business, you're liable to get bitten."

"I don't bite, if you know anything about me from my singing career."

"You'd rather me stake my opinion of you based on tabloids?"

"Not tabloids, those are trash magazines," Howie shook his head. "I mean on the television, possibly in concert, in magazines such as People, Rolling Stone, and Entertainment Weekly."

"You're definitely something else, Stranger."

"So are you."

*~*~*

"Y'know, usually people who drawl really luscious baths like that get into the tub to actually enjoy them," Kitra voiced as she stepped into Howie's lavish bathroom to see Grace sitting on the counter with a towel wrapped gingerly around her petite body. She was just staring at the large, steaming bathtub coated with sweet smelling, lavender bubbles in true awe. After her long conversation with Howie on the beach, he had escorted her inside to prepare dinner. Kitra had actually helped Howie prepare the dinner and the three had actually had a decent conversation throughout the course. Then, when Grace offered to wash the dishes, Howie disagreed because of her cast and sent the girls to relax.

"It seems like a sin to get in it..." Grace breathed softly, just concentrating on the large tub with awe. She had wanted to try to spend some time in a long relaxing bath in order to clear her thoughts, especially. But when the warm water poured from the waterfall-like faucet, she couldn't help but think this was wrong. This wasn't her house and never in her life had she been treated to such beautiful things. It caused an uneasy knot to form within her stomach.

"It's not a sin. It's because of God that we're even here in such an amazing house with a sweet host like Howie. C'mon, Racie, the Lord wants you to take a tubby," Kitra encouraged, gently rubbing Grace's shoulder.

"It's not because of God that we're here, Kit," Grace immediately frowned, knowing she shouldn't even be speaking with Kitra at this point. But, whenever Kitra screwed up, she always had a way of weaseling back into Grace's sweet heart.

"Would you rather be at our ghetto apartment or a house like this?"

"That's not the point--"

"I know. We're here because I fucked up but if it wasn't for God... Howie wouldn't have come by to save us and offer shelter."

"It really scares me that you have no qualms about just letting him do this," Grace spoke freely as Kitra forced her off the counter. She yelped a bit as her stitches pulled, but Kitra didn't seem too fazed. Instead, the older girl stripped Grace of her towel, practically pushing her into the warmth of the water. Then, she playfully dunked Grace's head into the water so she could start lathering her thick curls with shampoo. "Kit!"

"You smell bad," Kitra shrugged, running her fingernails gently across Grace's scalp as she lathered up. "I'm letting Howie do this for us because I trust him. Have you not paid attention to his band? He's a complete sweetheart and if anyone gets burned in a relationship, it's him. He's been nothing but nice, Racie."

"I don't care if he's Jesus incarnated, I don't trust him," Grace scowled, holding her cast on a folded towel along the thick lip of the tub.

"You're too bullheaded," Kitra frowned, grabbing the large cup she had been drinking water out of. "Not every guy is the same, no matter what your brain has been telling you."

"You're just in ecstasy because he offered to buy you clothing free of charge," Grace grimaced, screeching softly as icy water was sloshed over her upper body, dripping down her spine. She immediately tensed as if she might jump out of the tub, Kitra laughing hysterically. "You freaking wench!"

"He offered both of us clothes free of charge," Kitra corrected, still laughing.

"Yeah, well, if he offers to sleep with one of us, I'm offering you first," Grace seethed, attempting to wipe her cold, wet matted locks away from her beautiful face.

"Okay, fine, but he'll never offer that because he bought us clothes. He would ask you because he likes you."

"Ask me?" Grace questioned in confusion as Kitra carefully poured warm water over Grace's back to relax her before starting to lather the conditioner. "And what the Hell do you mean he likes me?"

"I mean he likes you," Kitra replied, gently rubbing each and every curl until they were coated in conditioner.

"Excuse me, didn't we both finish high school?"

"Exactly, which means you're smart enough to see when a guy truly likes you."

"He doesn't like me," Grace laughed, though she ducked underneath the water to hide her face more so than to help Kitra rinse the curls. She didn't even really want to think about Howie liking her, because she couldn't allow her heart to be hurt again. Twenty one years of protecting herself was hard to change, especially for one man that could probably cost her everything.

"Oh shut up, yes he does. You're just too blind to see it," Kitra replied.

"You tried to hit on him, didn't you?" Grace coughed softly as she rubbed her free hand against her face to rid the water.

"I just said I could thank him for what he's doing for us and he turned me down. I said he liked you and his cheeks got all red. It was cute," Kitra admitted, running her fingers through Grace's locks to loosen them.

"Why do you do that? Whenever a guy turns you down - once in a million years - you insist it's because he has a thing for me," Grace scowled.

"But I also said to him that he liked you and he blushed! Duh!"

"Stop reading those romance books, Kit, before your brain turns to mush."

"I'm just telling you the truth."

"If you don't mind, I'll just wait till he throws me on his bed and begs to make wild passionate love with me, okay?" Grace teased sarcastically as her best friend wrapped her curls lovingly within a towel. Carefully, Kitra helped Grace stand, allowing the girl to move to wrap another thick towel around her body.

"I'm going to laugh when he actually does it and you fall off the bed in shock," Kitra teased back.

"You should know better. There is no such thing as making love," Grace scorned as she opened the bathroom door to step into the hallway. Only, she bumped straight into Howie who was holding a few pairs of clothing for the girls to sleep in, causing her to stumble back and clutch the towel tightly to her swelling chest. "Holy shit, were you spying or what?!"

"Um no, I was giving you some pajamas," Howie took a step back as well. Grace looked beautiful even in a towel.

"Oh..." Grace trailed for a moment, bowing her head slightly as her cheeks flushed a rosy pink. She shifted uncomfortably in the towel as she chewed on her bottom lip, Kitra laughing behind her. She didn't know why Howie made her so uneasy. Most men were just an outlet of pain to her. When she was on the stage, she would pretend she was alone in her own private dance studio, just enjoying the melody of her favorite songs. Undressing in front of people seemed no longer an issue. Far more comfortable with her body than most women. But with Howie, everything changed in seconds. "Sorry..."

"It's okay, you don't need to be sorry," Howie came forward again and held out a pair of purple mesh shorts and black tank top for Grace.

"You really didn't have to do this," Grace stated, somewhat shy as she reached to grasp the clothing as she struggled to hold the towel close to her body.

"I'm doing this because I want to," Howie finally smiled, holding out another pair of shorts and tank top to Kitra.

"Thank you, Sweetheart," Kitra chirped, stepping from behind Grace to take her clothing. She bounced onto the tips of her toes, pressing a warm kiss to Howie's mouth. She glanced back to Grace to see the flicker of jealousy dance across her best friend's emerald eyes, causing her to grin wider. "I'll see you two tomorrow bright and early for shopping!"

"Night, Kit..." Grace murmured, swallowing the lump of jealousy in her throat as Kitra skipped down the hall to her luscious room.

"She's very... affectionate, isn't she?" Howie replied, wiping his lips on the back of his shirt.

"She's very grateful for all your doing for us," Grace agreed with a soft nod of her head, pressing her back tightly against the wall as Howie continued to stand in front of her. She held the clothing against her chest to help brace the towel, allowing her cast to hang at her side. "Or maybe she just really likes you."

"I think AJ's more her type than me," Howie disagreed.

"And what's your type?" Grace found herself asking, despite every neuron in her brain screaming for her to get away. She was taking such dangerous steps toward something she didn't want.

"Someone who's sweet... precocious... compassionate and caring. Sensitive and a sense of humor is definitely a must," Howie described what he thought was Grace to a tee.

"Sounds like a great catch..."

"I was hoping I already found her."

"Say what?"

"I was talking about you."

Grace was honestly floored, glancing behind herself to pray that Kitra was Howie's source. Yet, she was greeted with an empty hallway. She immediately glanced back into his dark chocolate eyes, feeling her own start to tear. She was nothing like what Howie had described and his insistence that she was something else caused a terrible amount of pain. God was playing a nasty trick. Her throat constricted as she wheezed, "Thanks for the clothes... I better get to bed... Big day t'morrow, y'know?"

"Are you alright? I was just speaking the tru--"

"I'm fine, just really tired. Thanks again," she squeezed by him and stumbled towards her room.

"You're welcome..." Howie called, unable to wipe the gentle smile from his face.

Chapter 6 – Fulfilling a Fantasy

AJ whistled happily to himself as he climbed the steps to Howie's home, deciding to be annoying and pop in without warning. Several phone calls had gone unanswered by the older Latino, driving AJ to the point of aggravation. So, like always, he had to fix things. He hadn't done much the following evening, sitting back in his large private theatre with a bottle of Jack Daniels and a good movie. He was hardly fazed by the alcohol content, acting as if nothing had happened during the previous days. Even deciding to be a further good best friend, he rapped politely on his friend's door, waiting for Howie to answer.

"Can I help you?" Grace called as she opened the door instead, glad in a pair of Howie's purple shorts and his black tank top. Both were excessively baggy on the young girl as her long honey blonde curls fell against her heart shaped face, causing sharp bursts of sex appeal to radiate from her core. For a moment she was silent as AJ just gawked at her, the very idea that she was in Howie's clothing giving him the thrill of victory.

"Oh damn, that dog! He was faster than I thought!" AJ whistled, checking Grace from head to foot once more.

"Excuse me?" Grace murmured in confusion, chewing on her bottom lip as AJ continued to ogle her body. She was used to him constantly calling her over for various 'services' at the Devil's Playground, but this seemed entirely different. She wasn't in some costume pretending to be a man's fantasy. She was in a real home where she was actually starting to feel like a real person.

"I give him props for getting you in the sack so soon but damn--"
"AJ? What are you doing here?" Howie interrupted, standing behind Grace in the doorway.

"I stopped by to visit my best friend," AJ answered as Grace stepped silently out of the way, obviously knowing her place wasn't to speak back to AJ if she had any intention in being reemployed at Devil's Playground. "I commend you on your choice of prime beef, but you should have kicked her out as soon as you launched the missile. They tend to want paid by the hour, D. And, damn, how many stitches did you pop below deck, cause she looks like she's in a helluva'lotta pain, Mr. Latin Lover!"

"You're un-freaking-believable sometimes," Howie groaned, becoming annoyed yet again as he let AJ into the house. It seemed to be a normal routine with the younger man now. "Grace and I didn't sleep together and I would appreciate it if you don't talk about her like that."

"You don't have to be ashamed that you finally popped your stripper cherry, D," AJ cackled as Grace brushed past him. He made a point to feel the curves of her body as she left, never really bothering to notice the hauntingly painful glistening in her emerald eyes.

"Just stop being a jerk," Howie shoved AJ's shoulder. "And don't touch her like she's an object!"

"What the fuck is your problem?" AJ yelped in shock as he stumbled back a few steps from Howie's violent push. His brown eyes widened in natural distaste over the situation, attempting not to glare at the older man.

"For one, I did not sleep with Grace. I barely know the woman and I don't like casual sex. Two, don't talk about her or to her like she's a prostitute, because she's not. And three, don't touch her unless she lets you because like I said, she's not an object," Howie snapped back.

"You afraid I might take your sloppy seconds, D?"

"Hard to take any seconds when there haven't been any firsts, jackass!"

"I'm sure she'd let you tap her ass considering your noble rescuing of her hide and all. Don't get all worked up, I'll talk to her about it--"

"I don't need you to talk to her about anything, so don't even finish that damn sentence--"

"Howie! Do you want sausage or bacon?" Kitra interrupted, popping her head in from the kitchen.

"Holy shit, what kinky fuck games are you playing, D?!" AJ hissed.

"Nothing, I'm letting them stay here until they get on their feet!" Howie placed a hand over AJ's mouth so he could reply to Kitra. "Sausage will be fine, Kit!"

"That's Racie's favorite, too," Kitra giggled, disappearing.

"Kevin's going to kill you!" AJ hissed as he pulled away from Howie's grasp once the girls had disappeared. Quickly, he jogged over to press his back against the far wall. Leaning casually, he snuck a glance at both women loitering over Howie's kitchen island. A virtual cornucopia of sexual goodness that cause AJ's entire body to tingle, especially as he watched Kitra scratch the back of her thigh with her other foot. "But God what a way to go."

"You think I care about what Kevin thinks? Besides, has he called either of us since you blabbed that we saved the girls? Hmm?" Howie rolled his eyes at AJ's attitude.

"Y'know, you should really think about getting an anti-depressant or something... Because you should be the happiest man on Earth right now. Sure, they’re a little banged up, but all that'll fade..."

"I don't use women like you, so please stop trying to convert me."

"I think the conversion is complete, D."

"I didn't sleep with either of them! I'm trying to help them start new lives!"

"Why?"

"Because everyone deserves to be happy. That's one thing Carol taught me before she died."

"Well, I deserve to be happy with her," AJ answered with a devilish grin, motioning toward Kitra before practically skipping out to the kitchen.

"Oh Lord, help me," Howie groaned before following him.

*~*~*

"So, what's your style, Kitra?" AJ grinned as he watched the gorgeous woman finger various articles of clothing. He had spent the entire morning with Kitra, Grace, and Howie, basically watching the women with great interest. When Howie had tried to brush AJ out the door so they could go shopping, Kitra had invited him. He couldn't deny his delight at her offer, knowing Kitra was interested. She was always watching him as he moved, except when Howie had put her directly in front of the expensive and empty clothing department just for her specialty. Her blue-gray eyes glittered with delight as she started to pull what she found attractive, knowing Howie had given her a substantial credit limit to spend during the day.

"Anything slinky... tight... leather... dark..." Kitra trailed off, putting a short black tank top up to her body for a moment before placing it back on the rack. "I'm a jack of all trades when it comes to fashion."
"I think you met your match, then," AJ chuckled, reaching for a short leather jacket and flaming red halter top. He arched his dark eyebrows toward her, waiting for a reaction.

"I think I did," Kitra agreed, her eyes lighting up with approval as she took it from him. "All I need is something to wear on the bottom..."
"Why?" AJ murmured, grinning wickedly.

"You definitely are something else," Kitra chuckled, leaning over to kiss his cheek.

"Well, thank you," AJ approved, reaching across her to withdraw a tight, black leather miniskirt.

"Mmm... I like that," she looked over at the dressing room and she wriggled her eyebrows. "Want to help me try this on?"

"If I go in there, we won't be trying anything on," AJ warned as he noticed several saleswomen huddled in a corner whispering. Exhilaration and adrenaline flooded his vary core as he stood close to Kitra, inhaling the soft scent of her skin. Easily, he brushed his fingertips underneath the baggy tank top she was wearing, caressing her delicate flesh to cause a trail of goose bumps. "Because I've been dreaming about you since I saw you the first time at Devil's..."

"Maybe it's time for me to make your dreams come true," Kitra whispered, leaning up to nibble on his pierced earlobe.

"Thank God they won't be wasted," AJ groaned, immediately wrapping his arms around her waist. He tossed the clothing she wanted into the open changing room, hurriedly bringing them inside. He wasted no time pinning her against the mirror, hoisting her right up against his propped left leg. He closed his mouth against hers, intensifying whatever passions had laid dormant the first night at Devil's Playground. He teased and tormented her with the powerful kisses, playing with the tongue ring as his hands roamed freely over her body.

"Holy shit," Kitra panted heavily as their lips finally broke apart to get some air. Her heart was thudding heavily in her chest as their bodies pressed together in every intimate way. She ran her nails down his back, biting back a moan.

"Maybe I'm the one fulfilling fantasies?" AJ growled, nipping at the flesh of her throat. He did his best to unclothe her, but she was just as eager, meeting him halfway. The pressure of his loins grew heavily as each morsel of sweet flesh was revealed, allowing him to suckle on her collar bone, just above the scar on her right breast.

"I think it's both," Kitra retorted, unbuttoning his shirt and practically ripping it off. Her hands and nails trailed all over, leaving deep red marks as she stopped at his behind and squeezed hard.

"Mmm," AJ groaned with pleasure, aggressively searching for her mouth to begin another series of erotic kisses. He allowed her hands to explore every inch of his upper torso, finally leading her down to his jeans. He helped her unbuckle his belt and then unzip the fly, easing her hand along him as the clothing fell free. He hoisted her higher, fully prepared to enter her as she whimpered in true delight.

"Oh please, don't make me wait--"

"I don't intend on it," AJ grunted, holding her firmly by her hips. He guided himself toward the entry point of her womanhood, swiftly entering with a groan of pleasure as Kitra cried out against his shoulder with ecstasy. She accommodated his length immediately, arching her bare body against his as she groaned with pleasure. Instantly, their bodies started to move together to offer a boiling of heated passion that they both could enjoy.

*~*~*

"Y'know, you really don't have to follow me around," Grace suddenly volunteered as she became acutely aware of Howie's presence. She had been briefly glancing at clothing until she noticed AJ and Kitra's coziness, deciding she'd be better off away from that scenario. She had just hoped she could travel around the store for a bit and claim that they had nothing in her size. She was determined not to spend Howie's money almost as determined as she was to deny she felt anything for him. But, her entire body tensed as she turned to look at him, hating how her stomach always knotted into tight nervous curls. Last night had been miserable after he stated that he had been using all those lovely words to describe her. She hadn't been able to sleep at all and when she did, it was always vividly erotic dreams of Howie. He was so kind and gentle, causing her guard to dramatically crumble in a matter of hours. In fact, it had only taken three days of knowing this man for her to fall helplessly underneath his control. And she was fighting like Hell to ignore it.

"I don't like walking around stores by myself and the other two just ran into a dressing room... I thought you might like some company," Howie shrugged slightly.

"I'm used to being alone," she promised, brushing her fingertips over the various materials as she passed. The comment was vague in reference to her past, but she hoped Howie would catch the drift. She didn't have the heart to hurt him, but she feared she wouldn't have the heart to push him away, either.

"I get what you mean," Howie nodded, but still continued to stand next to her. "Do you need help picking something out or are you going to claim there's nothing in your size?"

Grace's emerald eyes immediately shot upward to meet Howie's chocolate eyes. She could have sworn he was reading her mind or more possibly her heart. There was a moment of silence that passed between them until a soft, yet shy smile broke against Grace's sweet features. "How'd you know?"

"Because I know you don't want to depend on anyone and that includes letting me buy you clothes," Howie chuckled at the smile on her face. She looked like a complete angel. "Remember last night? You said you would wear those scrubs every day if you had to."

"I definitely remember last night," she sighed, dropping her gaze back to the clothing. There were many beautiful things on the rack that she probably would have loved to own, but she didn't say anything. "But I'd rather you just let Kit get what she wants... Add whatever you were going to use for me to her or something... If she has some really beautiful things, maybe she'll start to realize that she's not a lost cause anymore..."

"I am going to buy her lots of things, but I want to buy you things, too. There's no shifting over or exchanging with this deal, Grace."

"I don't need anything--"

"I know you don't. Get something you want."

"I don't want anything," she still attempted to persuade, glancing away from the articles of clothing. Biting down on her bottom lip, she tucked her good hand underneath the black tank top, folding the hem of the shirt between her fingers. Howie was offering her far too much and it was causing useless emotions to catch against her heart. She had never been told to do something she wanted before... Not since her mother was murdered...

"Grace--"

"Not anything you can buy, anyway," she finished softly, pressing her lips together to keep the tears from falling. She was taught all her life never to let the tears rain down. Not to mention the fact that she could let Howie know how weak she felt around him, otherwise he might use that to his advantage. Survival was the game she played.

"Hey..." Howie called softly in surprise, never expecting that he could hit such a tender nerve so quickly. He had only wanted to offer her the best so hopefully she could see his sincerity. But, he had quickly forgotten that the world had not been so sincere to her before. It was probably hard to adjust, especially now. Hesitating for a moment, he reached to take her hand. She didn't fight the grasp, so he attempted to fold her into a gentle loving embrace. "We're supposed to be having fun here."

"Its torture for me," she attempted to tease, her entire body relaxing within his warm embrace. Though, he hesitated as she stood so close to his muscular body, wondering if she should wrap her arm around his neck. It seemed so unnatural. Kitra was the only person who cared about hugging her without other intentions.

"I just want you to have nice things that you may not have had before," he explained gently, resting his chin on the top of her head.

"I just don't understand why..."

"Because everyone deserves to be happy and I care about you."

"You don't even know me," she whispered as Howie gently guided her hand around his neck like she had done with his hand at the Devil's Playground. She seemed to press closer when he did that, completely oblivious to the world around her. She was crashing hard.

"You don't have to know somebody to care," running his fingers over the top of her hand.

"For your definition of caring, I think you do."

"My definition of caring?"

"Nothing," she sighed, catching the stiff gaze of the store's manager. She tensed at the bitter glare, causing her to quickly step away from Howie's embrace. She brushed her hand furiously against herself as if try to brush away the feelings she had for him. "I should go get Kit or something--"

"I don't think it's good to bother them right now. She's uh... trying on clothes for him," Howie stumbled to explain, glancing back to see why Grace had pulled away and he frowned at the elder woman. "Come on, pick out some clothes. Please?"

"This isn't my style," she attempted to dissuade, allowing the barrier around her heart to quickly rebuild. She remained tense as attempted to shy away from being so close to him. The heat from his body sending emotions flooding through her system that she couldn't even begin to identify.

"What is your style?"

"I don't know..." Grace groaned, baffled at even the idea of having a style. She frowned softly with a slight pout, knowing she had just worn whatever Kitra had given her to start out with. Then, slowly, whenever she had extra money, she would 'splurge' on baggy t-shirts and shorts. She just wanted to be comfortable.

"Trendy, punk, goth... which?" Howie tried to help.

"I don't know," she repeated, slightly frustrated that he was continuing to push. She just wanted to leave, her lower half aching from having to walk so much. She was ready to just tell Howie she'd wait at the car, until he pulled out a fitted, spaghetti strap tank top with a beautiful decal of a gorgeous fairy. His brown eyes sparkled with hope, actually causing her to smile softly. "...I like that..."

"This would look really good on you," he smiled as well, placing the shirt over his arm as he searched through the particular section, finding a peasant top spackled with a few sequins and embroidered flowers. "This?"

"It's too busy..." she frowned, so he reached for another soft peasant top with just simple embroidered flowers. ”That's better."

"Okay, I've figured out your style," Howie replied as he began another search. "Country casual with comfort."

Grace glanced at him with a slight surprise, "Are you homosexual?"

"No, Darling," he laughed softly, pulling out another shirt. "I grew up with three sisters."

"Oh..." she trailed in surprise, actually smiling with some relief. She patiently watched as he actually selected some of the most gorgeous quality of clothing she had ever seen. And, surprisingly, she didn't disagree with any of it. Slowly, though, she eased toward him. Like a timid child, almost, she pulled on his shirt to get him to lean. Shyly, with a rosy blush accentuating her cheeks, she whispered in his ear, "Can we get some basic tank tops and shorts? ... Then maybe go to the guys' section?"

"Anything you want," Howie smiled at her shy and soft nature, liking it a lot more than her crass attitude and sarcasm.

"Are you sure?"

"I couldn't be more sure of anything."

"Thanks, Stranger."

"You're very welcome, Grace."

Grace's throat constricted a little as Howie attempted to pull away. She was quick to catch his shirt again though, her heart fluttering slightly as she almost drowned within the dark pools of his irises. "Do... Can I give you a kiss... I mean a thank you kiss, y'know?"

"Of course, if you're comfortable with it," Howie nodded, running his fingers down her cheek.

She shivered at the rush of electricity seeming to burst underneath her skin with Howie's gentle touch. She didn't know why she was acting so foolish, especially with a man. But, she could hardly stop herself. "The cheek?"
"Wherever you want."

"But--"

"I'm leaving it up to you, Grace. It's okay."

Grace swallowed the lump forming in the middle of her throat, trying to justify the appropriate place. She had never kissed a man's lips before, because it had been far too intimate. When she had to turn tricks for Kitra, it had been a specific rule she followed. The communication of a kiss on the mouth was dynamic and sure to get a girl in trouble. So, Grace quickly leaned up to plant a soft kiss on his cheek, though she fell short when the kiss landed against the corner of his mouth.

"That... that was a very nice kiss," Howie finally found words lingering in his dry throat. Just the simple kiss made flames flow through his body, the passion burning.

"You're funny, Stranger," Grace laughed, brushing away any emotional tie she may have had to the kiss. She quickly reminded herself not to play with the fire, because she had already been burned. But, Howie knew she was thinking of it as her good hand entwined with his, allowing him to lead her where ever he wanted to take her.

Chapter 7 – Object of Affection

"Someone's in Heaven," Grace sang softly as she entered Kitra's guest room, watching the older woman sorting through a massive pile of new clothing. The younger girl smirked with knowing, collapsing on the large king bed as she just watched Kitra continue, having nothing else to really entertain her for the moment. AJ and Howie were in the kitchen cooking dinner and she had been shooed away because of her cast, though AJ had made sure to pinch her bottom discreetly before Howie could see. Grace tried to brush those thoughts away though, awed at how nonchalant Kitra was about the whole affair.

The shopping excursion with the men had turned very profitable in Kitra's sake, no only had she fulfilled one of her fantasies, but she also managed to get double the clothing from both men. She had no qualms about taking their money, especially when she thought about how in the long run their sex had cheated her. It was a quality of payback that Kitra could truly get used to. Having expensive pieces of clothing was almost as orgasmic as having sex with AJ in a public place... Almost...

"Well hello, look at all the clothes I got," Kitra began grinning as she made different piles of short skirts, short shorts and tight jeans along with tank tops, baby-doll shirts, t-shirts, and corsets. It had been very long since she had such nice clothes and didn't have to do much in order to get it. Free clothes and sex in a dressing room seemed pretty nice to Kitra.

"They are nice..." Grace approved, deciding not to mention the fact that most of her selection would be considered far skimpier than her waitress uniform or the other garments she used for prostitution. After all, this was Kitra. She was a wild child at heart. Nothing could persuade her from doing her heart's content. Not even Grace.

"The clothes you picked out where nice, too," Kitra commented, walking to hang some shirts in her walk-in closet.

"I really didn't want them," Grace sighed, turning on her back as she allowed her head to hang off the bed. Her long brassy blonde curls swept down to the floor like a silky curtain as she watched Kitra. Howie had nearly pulled off her arm as he looked around the clothing store for her. She had only made a few select choices, not wanting to spend his money. But, when Howie discovered her sizes, he snuck back to buy her a huge variety of clothing, setting them in her temporary room while she slept. She had yet to say anything to him, absolutely falling in love with the jean jacket he had selected for the colder Florida nights. It just didn't seem fair. "Besides, you hate how a dress. You call me a damn tomboy-bum all the time."

"Well you are a tomboy-bum, but who says you shouldn't get some decent brand clothes that last longer than a month?" Kitra quipped, coming back out to hang up the skirts.

"I didn't earn the money to pay for those clothes," Grace answered, carefully stretching her legs as to not aggravate the healing wounds. The stitches had already absorbed into her system, leaving just the left over scars that would hopefully fade.

"Can't you ever accept gifts?" Kitra groaned, rolling her eyes, taking the pants and shorts.

"He shouldn't be buying me gifts. He hardly knows me," Grace argued, rolling onto her flat stomach. She narrowed her bright green eyes toward her best friend, knowing this was the easiest fight she could hope to win today. Because, if she even started to have this conversation with Howie, he would find some way to cause her to cave. Like the way his dark brown eyes shimmered in the faintest of light... She was really starting to hate the man...

"Never look a gift horse in the mouth," Kitra quoted, giving Grace the same look she was receiving.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Take advantage of an opportunity that looks good."

"I would have been happier if he just propositioned me for sex like a regular asshole," Grace huffed, turning again to land on her back, staring at the ceiling. She immediately started to pick at the plaster incasing her right arm, hating that she was having such trouble trying to block all these new emotions. Sometimes she wished she could drown out the sorrows with alcohol and other recreational drugs like Kitra, but it only seemed to intensify the mess.

"Ooh my favorite subject - sex," Kitra laughed as she finally finished putting away all her clothes.

"And obviously your best subject," Grace groaned as Kitra tackled her on the bed, immediately straddling her younger friend's hips.

"I always got a-pluses," Kitra grinned, quickly pulling her pale blonde locks into a ponytail.

"Congratulations," Grace mimicked sarcastically.

“You'll be serious when I tell you all about my excursion with McLean yesterday in the dressing room--"

"You fucked McLean without being paid?" Grace interrupted, her emerald eyes widening with disbelief. "How long have you known this man... Maybe eight hours? Willingly giving yourself without any profit? This has got to be a new record for you, Kit."

"It may have been a record, but damn... I haven't been fucked like that since... well... ever!"

"Why? Because you didn't get paid for it?"

"No, because I didn't have to fake anything."

Grace rolled her emerald eyes as she covered her face, trying her hardest not to laugh at Kitra's antics. "God, you're horrible."

"I'm only stating the truth," Kitra leaned down and began tickling Grace's sides.

"Kit finally hit the big 'O' of orgasms!" Grace laughed feverishly, immediately squirming beneath her friend's hands. She was highly ticklish, her entire body sensitive to tender touches and caresses, not that she found them often. All she managed to acquire during life were hard slaps and rough back hands.

"Damn right and I'm hoping to get more soon! How do you think I got so many clothes? The big 'O' wasn't one-sided," Kitra giggled as she continued her torture.

"So, that's your plan?" Grace giggled. "Fuck the entire Backstreet Band for overwhelming riches and your chance for a private condo?"

"Hey, why not?!"

"Whatever floats your boats of O's," Grace gasped from within her giggles, attempting her best to get away. But things seemed extremely hopeless with her right arm disabled in a cast and sling.

"Oh, it floats my boats of O's alright. When he had me pinned against the mirror with my leg up--"

"Are you two having fun?" Howie suddenly announced amidst the conversation, leaning against the open doorway. His dark brows were raised with obvious interest as both girls glanced up from the floor in their somewhat awkward position. Grace's cheeks were a rosy pink from giggling as she heaved for ragged breaths, Kitra still pinning her tightly though they seemed to have fallen from the bed.

"Yeah..." Grace heaved, rubbing her good had across her feverish cheeks.

"Kitra was explaining her plan of Backstreet world domination..."

"One down, only four more to go," Kitra cackled with a humorous grin.

"Backstreet world domination?" Howie questioned in obvious confusion.

"She promises she can give you all the best orgasms of your life... Apparently, she already turned Mr. McLean into a quivering ball of human juices," Grace explained, continuing to wiggle in attempts to free herself.

"All I need is a half hour to make your dreams come true!" Kitra leaned back and allowed Grace to stand up.

"And she means it," Grace assured, glancing up at Howie in small daze as he extended his hand to her. She stared at it a moment, before realizing he was offering to help her up.

"Every word of it," Kitra grinned and stood up as Howie helped Grace. "So, what's up, Sweetheart?"

"Dinner's ready," Howie explained as he heard the chimes of his doorbell.

"I GOT IT!" AJ bellowed.

"Who the Hell..." Howie trailed off as he let the girls leave the room before following them.

"J! Thank God you finally invited me! I've been dying to see her since my last wet dream!"

Grace bit down on her bottom lip as she heard an echo of several voices, causing her body to tense dramatically. She yelped in surprise as Kitra immediately pushed past her to greet whoever had arrived. But, she hesitated greatly. She didn't know if AJ had cooked up some disgusting scheme that might cause the girls to get hurt. He had been quite forceful in his gestures with her and almost unbelievable when it came to Kitra. So, Grace turned quickly in attempts to get away, forgetting that Howie was behind her. "Shit!"

"You alright?" Howie raised an eyebrow as he stumbled back from her impact. "It's just Nick, he can't hurt a fly. He's just more idiotic and brass than AJ."

"I know Nick..." Grace assured, hoping no emotion passed from her angelic face. "I just wanted to get a baggy t-shirt or something--"

"Hey, D! Are you hiding the other girl in a closet for your personal use at night or what?! I want to see her!" Nick's voice interrupted.

"RACIE! YOUR FAVORITE CUSTOMER IS HERE!" Kitra giggled for emphasis.

"Told you that I knew him," Grace sighed, knowing there was no way she could even escape through a window. Nick was by far one of her best paying customers next to AJ. Only, he also loved to go back into the VIP room where he had a more personal encounter with Grace. It seemed each week he would stop by for the usual treatment, sometimes bringing AJ for double the pleasure. It didn't seem fair that she was being cornered, but she had to remind herself that life wasn't fair anyway. Tugging apprehensively on her form-fitting, gray wife-beater and scrub bottoms in attempt to conceal herself, she stepped out of the hallway.

"That's more like it," Nick grinned as he caught view of Grace.

"It's good to see you again," Grace replied as politely as possible, bracing herself for whatever. Nick was so unpredictable at the club that Grace's bodyguard was sometimes paid to look the other way.

"Mmm... definitely better than just good to see you," Nick licked his lips as he checked her out.

"Thanks..." Grace answered, smiling as sweetly as she possibly could. She glanced off toward the side to see Kitra standing next to AJ, gesturing toward Nick with obvious emphasis. Grace resisted the urge to scream, knowing what Kitra wanted. Grace had to play nice with Nick if she though she was getting her job back at Devil's. She swallowed her broken morals. "What? No touching? If that isn't a change from the usual Nick Carter charm..."

"Naw, I figured that for once I wouldn't tread on Howie's property for once unless I was given permission," Nick shrugged, offering his 'infamous' smile that made girls faint and scream his name.

"Right..." Grace trailed, shrugging her sleek shoulders.

"Why don't I introduce myself then since everyone else seems too acquainted," Brian suddenly announced, not liking the dark menacing look forming in Howie's eyes. He immediately cleared his throat and stepped toward Grace, making sure to push Nick away as he smiled and offered his hand. "I'm Brian."

"I'm Grace," she responded, gently shaking his hand.

"It's very nice to meet you."

"Likewise."

"Are you and D dating?" Nick voiced allowed as Howie attempted to usher everyone into the dining room. He couldn't keep his eyes away from Grace's alluring body, enjoying even the sleek way she had perched herself on a chair. He could only think about all the nights spent in Devil's Playground, knowing he would have to excuse himself to Howie's bathroom later on to release some tension. He was just hoping that maybe he could excuse Grace into the bathroom with him.

"Excuse me?" Grace whispered as she paled, Kitra burying her face against AJ's shoulder to keep from laughing hysterically.

"Are you and D dating? Because if he is and willing to share--"

"We're not dating," Grace interrupted with bewilderment, wondering what Howie had decided to grow so quiet since his friend's arrived.

"So that means you're available to--"

"No!" Howie burst.

"No what?" Nick questioned in obvious surprise. "She just said you two weren't dating. And we've been pretty hot together--"

"If she wants to, then fine. But don't you be forcing either of these girls into something they don't want. Neither work at Devil's anymore and they have their own minds."

"You're not working at Devil's anymore?" Nick hissed in shock toward Grace. His entire face crumpled into a pathetic pout, as if Howie had just crushed his beloved pet. Only, when Grace shrugged, he whined, "Then can you at least walk around topless so I won't miss you too much?"

"Sure, how about I just strip naked, lay on the table, and let you eat off me?" Grace quipped sarcastically, spearing a green bean aggressively with her fork. She didn't know which was more aggravating, the fact that Howie didn't claim to defend her as if he liked her or the fact he had decided without her that she wasn't going back to the Devil's Playground. It was so complicated.
"Nick stop being so disgusting," Howie snapped, reaching over to smack him upside the head. "You have no right to talk to a woman like that!"

"Excuse me!" Nick yelped in shock, immediately reaching to cover himself from any more blows. "She's the one that volunteered to strip naked for me! You're just fucking jealous that she won't for you!"

"You obviously aren't familiar with sarcasm, jackass."

"And you obviously can kiss my ass," Nick retorted, not really having a clever cover to rebuttle. He sulked deep into his chair as he crossed his arms tightly over his broad chest. The verbal sting of Howie's chiding caused a huge bruise against his ego. So, he looked to strike Howie where he knew it would hurt. Where AJ had already proved it would hurt. "Just ask her how much fun we've had together, D. I remember licking at least twenty one body shots off her. She had a cute little laugh when my tongue tickled her--"

"If you want this plate of hot mashed potatoes to go down your pants and burn off your baby dick, please don't stop," Howie growled with aggravation, gripping the lip of the dish that held the steaming food.

"Welcome to our Dysfunctional family," AJ chuckled toward Kitra, clinking their wine glasses together.

*~*~*

"Hey gorgeous," AJ rasped as he leaned over the back of the couch Kitra was occupying, placing a warm kiss on her exposed shoulder. When she glanced back and smiled, AJ moved to seat himself beside her. The dinner conversation had been far more amusing than he anticipated. Nick had continued to make references about his brief flings with Grace at the Devil's Playground, causing Howie's usually sweet temperament to switch to what AJ considered a volcano. So, AJ had attempted to amuse himself further, allowing his hands to drift down Kitra's body, playing with the delicate folds of her womanhood. At one point, she cried out with a small orgasm, causing Brian's eyebrows to raise. AJ had done his best not to laugh, simply licking his fingers and toasting the chef. In the end, Nick had been thrown out of the house before dessert and Kitra excused herself to release the tension AJ's hands had caused. Howie was now clearing the table and Grace had ventured outside for some kind of refuge, Brian volunteering to go out and visit with her. AJ knew that he had a few minutes to spare, but wanted to get out of the Dorough household before Howie was finished. He had been to blame for the disaster and AJ had no doubt that Howie's Latin fury would be released on him three-fold of the explosion that Nick had received. "I have to get going."

"You mean after what you did to me at dinner you're just going to leave me here?" Kitra pouted, trailing a manicured fingernail up his inner thigh.

"I'm a dead man if that bastard gets out of the kitchen and I'm still here," AJ chuckled, running his fingers lightly over her bare shoulder before following the outer curve of her right breast. He could honestly say that he had never met a woman quite like her. Kitra's sexual appetite was absolutely astounding and all AJ seemed to think about now was finding another way to pleasure her.

"I'd protect you," Kitra quickly straddled his hips, wrapping her arms loosely around his neck.

"I'm sure," he grunted, sliding somewhat down the couch to accommodate her presence. He then hiked her skirt a little, allowing his hands to rub against the inside of her thighs. "But I caused a shit load of trouble tonight."

"I'll have to agree with you on that," she leaned down and nibbled on his neck. "You should be more nice to Howie, though. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be here right now. Grace, either."

"What did I do to D? Nick was the one macking on Gracie-Cheeks--"

"You invited him over when you know damn well how he is with Racie."

"True... But I invited Brian and Kevin, too. Kevin is just too dickheaded to show up... So, I should at least get points for Brian," AJ suggested, leaning to nestle his face in the cleavage of her warm breasts.

"Well maybe, but you still lost some by inviting Nick," she chuckled, running her fingers through his locks. "I still don't want you to leave me, Mr. McLean."

"Then come with me," AJ invited, kissing the sweet crevice between her breasts.

"Where would we be going?" she shuddered slightly.

"My home..."

"All alone with no interruptions?"

"Alone with no interruptions and a lot of toys," AJ promised, trailing the tip of his tongue from the crevice of her breasts toward her neck where he could suckle. "And tomorrow I'll get you all dolled up for a party."

"Mmm… Oh shit... a party? Where is it?"

"It'll be at my house, where we can lock ourselves away for more uninterrupted fun if we decide," AJ continued to entice, sucking on her earlobe as his hands tender massaged her breasts.

"How can I say no? Mmm... We need to go to your house now..." Kitra moaned softly, grinding her hips against his.

"That's what I was trying to tell you in the first place," AJ groaned as he leaned to nip at her bottom lip. With great ease, he simply lifted her from the couch. She immediately wrapped her legs around his waist, leaning to press the hottest kisses against his neck. He turned to catch Howie entering from the kitchen and grinned. "See you later, D!"

"Wait a minute you--"

"Tell Racie I'll be home the day after tomorrow. Bye, Howie!" Kitra blew him a kiss.

"Wait--"

"Hey, D," Brian interrupted as he returned from the beach, leaving Grace alone so she could do her daily walk down the shoreline to think. He grinned with approval, never noticing AJ escaping with his prize. If anything, he was more excited to speak with Howie, gently patting his shoulder. "Grace is a real sweetheart."

"Yeah, I know and--" Howie turned to see AJ already gone with Kitra.

"Damnit."

"What?"

"AJ left."

"With Kitra?"

"Yeah--"

"Are you upset with the fact that he left and you couldn't yell at him for Nick or are you upset that he left with Kitra and is probably up to no good?"
"Can I pick both?"

*~*~*

Grace released a soft yawn as she carefully padded through Howie's dark hallways in her bare feet. She had tried sleeping that evening, but her emotions tangled her dreams into horrible nightmares. First she worried about Kitra, frustrated that the woman would just leave without evening saying goodbye and not call to give Grace the slightest hint that she was still breathing. Then there was all the wise cracks Nick kept referring to during dinner. Each word had been like a damp whip cracking against her skin, especially when she noted the unfamiliar emotion lingering in Howie's eyes. She was ashamed that he had to hear such details about her, though, that was a mystery in itself. She kept reflecting back to the kiss she had given him in the store. The feeling of his soft lips underneath hers had thrilled her in a way she had never felt. Yet, neither had made much mention of that day. And, Grace believed after Nick's disastrous mouth, Howie would be throwing her out the next morning. All hope seemed to fade when she reached the living room, only to discover a shadow on the couch.

"I'm sorry!" she immediately blurted as Howie looked away from the fireplace. She had thought he was sound asleep and truly hadn't meant to disturb him. She turned from the living room, fully intent on hiding in her guest room. "I'll leave you alone--"

"No, please don't. Come here, I wanted to talk to you anyway," Howie interrupted, patting the spot on the couch next to him.

Grace hesitated as she watched his hand, wondering if it were capable of curling into a powerful fist. She felt her mouth dry as her stomach immediately clenched in fear. Gulping softly, she settled her good hand against her stomach to calm it, just studying him in the soft glow of the fire. "Talk to me about what?"

"Everything... anything. Come on."

"If it's about Nick--"

"Grace, I'm not going to hurt you."

"I know--"

"Then please sit down?"

Grace exhaled her nervous breath, knowing Howie had given her no reason to fear him. Yet, from previous abuses, she couldn't help but be slightly worried. She attempted a step toward him, running her good hand through her messy honey curls. Then it struck her, how to keep his hands busy. "Did your three sisters teach you to braid?"

"Yeah, they made me practice on their dolls until I got good enough to do their own hair," Howie replied, looking confused. "Why?"

"Could you braid mine then?" she asked, smiling shyly as she held up a long spiraled honey curl. "I hate having my hair in my face and Kit kind of abandoned me tonight..."

"Of course," he smiled warmly as she sat down beside him. He turned her so her back was facing him and he gently started to part her locks into three sections. "I'm sorry Kit left you."

"I'm used to it," Grace promised, closing her eyes as she felt Howie's fingers run through her locks. He then quickly started to twirl them into the correct fashion, forming a long singular plait of honey. "With her working... I just wish she'd remember to pick up a phone or something... Why aren't you sleeping, though?"

"Just feeling restless, I guess. Have a lot on my mind."

"Because of us?" Grace guessed when he finished, securing the end with the tie around her wrist. When he gently tugged to signal he was finished, she turned to face him, her emerald eyes practically glowing with the soft embers of the fire.

"No, because of Kevin, AJ and Nick..." he trailed off, sighing heavily.

"Oh..." Grace trailed, biting affectionately on her bottom lip. She didn't know whether to prod into his thoughts or not. She usually hated talking about her emotions, especially the emotions she couldn't even identify within the past couple of days. And, with her heart feeling so heavy, she couldn't help but have difficulty reading Howie's thoughts. "I'm sorry?"

"It's not your fault. Kevin's a conceited asshole whose only concern is our reputation, Nick is a freaking idiotic horndog and AJ is spiraling out of control but I can't do anything to stop him."

"So... Do you want to talk about it?" she questioned softly, almost bashfully. She hesitated for a moment when he grew silent, deciding to take some kind of initiative. Carefully, she eased her body behind his on the couch. He tensed for a moment and she started to rub his shoulders, hoping he'd relax.

"It's just a lot of drama," he replied, his head hanging down as she worked on his muscles. "Kev didn't think me saving you girls was a good idea because we would have gotten bad press if someone leaked it from the hospital... he doesn't even care about AJ's partying anymore. He doesn’t want to help him."

"Kind of frustrating when you feel like the whole world is riding on your shoulders... Especially when your best friends depend on you land it's life or death," Grace agreed softly, knowing that Kitra was starting to slip again. It was frustrating to battle with her best friend, especially since she was older. Kitra was hardheaded and could be thoughtlessly cruel at times, but Grace loved her so much.

"It is and it kills me that I can't do anything to help him... it'll be my fault if he crashes his car, OD's or--"

"It's not your fault," Grace quickly interrupted, leaning forward so she could lock their contrasting gazes. Gingerly, she ran her fingertips down the side of his face. "What Mr. McLean does is his own business. You can intervene as much as you want, but in the end, it's going to be his choice. All the blame will rest on him and his bad judgments. Not on you. Not when you're doing everything and anything to help him."

"I just wish he would listen to me," Howie sighed again, resting his forehead against hers.

"And I wish Kit would listen to me, but we know they won't."

"So, what do we do?"

"Keep telling them that we're here and wait until they decide what's right for them," Grace suggested, continuing to brush her fingertips down the sides of Howie's face. She knew she was heading into dangerous territory, but she couldn't help it. Howie's soul was screaming out to her and her heart was echoing.

"And that we pray it won't happen too late?"

"Yes... unfortunately."

"This is the part of you both that I wish Kevin would see. All he sees is your old profession."

"Well, it's kind of hard not to see us as what we were," Grace sighed, pulling away from his body as soon as Howie generalized his comments about Grace into 'both of the girls.' She leaned back against the arm of the couch, tucking her good arm underneath her tank top in pseudo-pocket. "Look at Nick tonight, its natural--"

"It's not natural to treat women like that," Howie disagreed. "You're not an object, you're a person."

"We are women who took his money to pleasure him in any way he saw fit. I don't blame him--"

"Don't. He still has no right to treat you like that."

"What does it matter?"

"Because you shouldn't think that it's okay."

"It wasn't like he was insulting your girlfriend or anything. Why get riled up for nothing? He was just making some cheap jokes about me being a stripper. There's nothing wrong with that. In fact, I'm glad that it's all he did. There's a dark and scary place out there without your rose-tinted glasses, Stranger."

"Grace--"

"You shouldn't be mad at him."

"He's an asshole--"

"He's your friend."

"Why are you defending him?"

"Why aren't you defending him?"

"Because he's an asshole?"

"I guess..." she sighed, unable to deny that her heart had been wishing it was something more than that.

"He is an asshole and he had no right to talk to you the way he did. Regardless of your past, you're still a beautiful woman and you should be treated like that."

"Thanks..." she whispered, pulling her knees to her chest to hug.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah... Why?"

”I was just making sure," he leaned back and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"What are you doing?" she was quick to question, her body practically burning with desire as he drew her close to his side.

"Holding you... is that okay?"

"I guess..." she trailed in confusion.

"Are you sure? I can move back--"

"No!" she blurted, which immediately caused a rosy hue to burn against her cheeks. The feeling of being tucked against him was inviting. For the first time in her life, she actually felt safe. And, the warmth pulsating over her body caused her to fall into a sleepy ecstasy. She didn't want the feeling to end. But, her sudden jump caused her to feel moronic. "I mean--"

"Then I'll continue to hold you," he smiled, kissing her cheek as he tugged her closer. It felt like bliss finally having someone like Grace in his arms and he wasn't about to let go.

Chapter 8 – Risk of a Lifetime

"The party has officially bored me," AJ announced as he guided the scantily dressed Kitra into his master bedroom. He grinned wickedly as she sprawled out on his bed, allowing him to easily straddle her small body. She looked like a piece of dark Heaven in her black leather tube dress. It adhered to every curve of her gorgeous body, allowing her breasts to pop slightly from the top to make the guys pant with envy. And, AJ easily knew that she was his. They had been having the roughest, wildest sex for the past two nights. There wasn't an inch of his deluxe home that they hadn't fornicated in. The woman was absolutely ravenous for him, causing his member to harden just at the sight of her. It was hard to control himself in normal situations, so it was nearly impossible with all his friends flooding around. "But you, on the other hand, are quite entertaining."

"I've been told that before, but hearing it from you makes oh-so-nice," Kitra smiled, trailing her fingers down his strong chest.

"You're so hot, Kitra," AJ breathed, latching onto her neck for a strong sucking force that she enjoyed. He felt her body naturally arch against him, causing his grin to widen as he moved to bite on her bottom lip. Suddenly, he really didn't care that she was a prostitute or a recovering prostitute as Howie loved to say. He just enjoyed the physical closeness and the no strings attached games they played. It was hot and heavy - a rush of adrenaline.

"I think you may be hotter," Kitra moaned softly, reaching back to clutch his behind that he seemed to like during their foreplay. Being a prostitute for so long had taught her to fake orgasms and pleasure, but it still seemed surreal that she didn't have to with AJ. It felt exhilarating.

"Better than the men that paid?" he chuckled, moving his strong kisses toward the side of her face. He nipped against her pierced earlobe as his hands slipped behind her to free the zipper. He never had to ask with Kitra, because she was always ready. And, since she had a steady stream of birth control, she didn't force him to wrap up.

"Much better than the men that paid," she smiled, lifting her hips so he could slide the dress down.

"So, I could probably make you an offer that you couldn't refuse?" AJ guessed, tracing his kisses down the front of her throat, then to the sweet crevice between her breasts.

"Mmm... Mm-hmm... what's the offer?" Kitra replied in between moans as his kisses trailed down from her chest and back up to her throat.

"That you stop whoring around and make me your only customer," AJ started, sitting up to pull the wife-beater from his skinny frame. He then grinned as he leaned over her for a sweet kiss, which turned into a torment as he quickly withdrew from the heat. "I'll give you whatever you need or want, but you're mine."

"Just yours? All the fucking hot sex we could want with nothing attached?" Kitra bit her bottom lip in contemplation. Having a single customer like AJ could definitely have its pros...

"No strings attached," AJ promised. "And everything you could ever desire... Plus me for a bonus..."

"I think you've got yourself a deal, Mr. McLean."

"Alex."

"Alex... I like it. You should go by Alex more often."

"My mother only calls me, Alex," AJ chuckled, sliding off her hips. He bounced on the thick bed as he crawled toward his drawer, pulling out an expensive mirror of sorts with remnants of white powder. He then grabbed his favorite razor, crawling back to Kitra. He offered a rough kiss against her lips as he withdrew a small baggy from his back pocket. Only the best suppliers came to his parties.

"Are you comparing me to your mother?" Kitra tried to joke, chewing on her thumbnail as she watched him prep some lines.

"No, I'm saying that only special people in my life can call me Alex," AJ explained, making sure the white powder was extremely fine. Almost like a faint dust. "D used to call me Alex..."

"Why aren't you two close anymore? I used to see TV specials and it doesn't seem like that in person. If you don't mind me asking..."

"I don't know," AJ shrugged, his eyes darkening to betray his simplistic statement.

"Alex--"

"Ladies first," AJ interrupted, handing over the small mirror.

"Oh, I, uh... I promised Racie I wouldn't--"

"Excuse me?" AJ chuckled.

"I... I promised Racie I wouldn't use anymore..."

AJ sat back as he studied Kitra, unable to keep the laughter from his voice. "Is she really that cookie cutter? That wild little fireball that had let Nick practically bathe her in tequila and then dry her with his tongue doesn't want you enjoying life?"

"It's not that, she just doesn't--"

"She doesn't have to know, Kit. Don’t you want to feel good?"

"Of course--"

"And the orgasms are twice the pleasure if you're in the clouds," AJ promised, leaning to suck her earlobe into his mouth for a playful bite.

"Oh God... okay... give me the mirror," Kitra whimpered.

*~*~*

"Y'know, you really didn't have to come out on this walk with me," Grace volunteered after a considerable portion of silence had filled the small space between Howie and herself. For once it wasn't an uncomfortable silence, but welcomed as she thought of him. For several days Kitra had been missing and Howie had done his best to soothe Grace's fears. And, as he consoled her, Grace found unfamiliar emotions growing stronger. She longed to speak to someone about what she was feeling, but she could hardly phrase such powerful emotions. It felt like she would go everywhere at once if her creamy peaches-and-cream skin had not been holding in her soul. Howie truly made her crazy, but she didn't know with what. She offered a sweet smile when she caught his fascinated dark eyes watching her every move. Their hands were linked as they slowly paced along the wet shoreline in their bare feet, the sun slowly beginning to decide it might sink into its nestled water bed.

"I know, I came because I wanted to," Howie replied, smiling softly. It seemed surreal that he was actually holding hands with the woman he had dreamed of those lonely nights in his home and walking down the beautiful beach. "Besides, you needed company."

"I didn't need company," she assured as he tugged their linked hands closer, in turn, causing her to step closer into his side. She felt her skin prickle with an intensity of heat, sending a flood of overwhelming excitement to the very core of her heart.

"Well... I needed company, then?"

"You're something else," she laughed softly, trying to ignore the sensations building in her body.

"That's what you keep telling me," Howie admitted, unable to truly stop smiling as he watched her closely. Her cheeks were always a rosy hue whenever he entered the room and he could feel her body's sensual reactions against him as he pulled her closer. Yet, he couldn't help but become slightly nervous. After all, Connie had left such a large hole in his heart and the others from previous girlfriends hadn't even begun to heal properly. But Grace was so different. So special. He was just unsure of his ability to love her properly. Or even his ability to make her love him. He didn't want to be hurt again, but more importantly, he didn't want to hurt Grace.

"Besides, why would you need company?" Grace trailed onto a tangent, stepping onto a long boulder that had interrupted her path. She released Howie's hand for a moment to climb up, balancing perfectly with grace as he followed from below. "Mr. Popstar who could have any woman he wants in the entire world. Millions love you. Company is the least of your worries, Stranger."

"That's what everyone thinks but it couldn't be farther from the truth," Howie disagreed with a shake of his head, causing some curls to fall against his forehead as he watched her walk along the boulder. "Yeah, I may be able to get some random woman to stay with me each night like AJ, but it comes at a price."

"What, some chunk change out of your bank account?" Grace asked before she could stop herself.

"No. A broken heart."

Grace stopped her delicate trapeze on the long rock, glancing down at the sorrowful man. Her heart beat increased as a vice seemed to crush it with an icy vengeance at the sound of Howie's pain. She frowned openly at his hurt, wrapping her good arm around herself to stop the coldness circulating. For a moment, she felt like wishing death on whoever could think to hurt such an innocent soul. But, she swallowed her anger, more concerned for the innocent than for the person who deserved an angry wrath. "Who hurt you?"

"More than one person," Howie replied, his voice catching. He shoved his hands deep into his khaki pockets, looking down at the sand. "I thought they loved me but all they wanted was my money and fame. Each and every one cheated on me. They made sure to humiliate me. None of them cared."

"Dear God..." Grace whispered, crouching down on the rock into a sitting position. She wanted to reach out in attempts to bring him close, but that feeling was far too new to her to be performed. Instead, her emerald eyes grew misty with emotion for him. She may have been hurt in her lifetime, but she had never given much to any relationship because of the hurt. It made it easier, but she knew Howie probably gave everything only to be burned in the very worst of ways. "I'm so sorry, Howie."

"Thank you. But it's my own fault. I put all my trust and faith and... my all into each of those women and all it gave me was heartache. Women involved with show business are very cruel and I should have realized that after the first time..."

"You shouldn't have to take the blame for attempting to live life to its fullest. There's no shame in putting everything into something, because you are putting everything of your essence into it. If anything, those women are at fault... And, if God is loving like I pray He is, then He's going to bring you someone very special. You can't turn cold to this world, Stranger... Because if you do, then those who've lost their ways in life are truly doomed," Grace explained softly, tucking back a few fallen strands of honey curls that had fallen into her beautiful eyes.

"Grace, I..."

"God takes care of everyone," Grace explained through Howie's loss of words. She leaned forward from the large rock, managing to sleekly tuck a fallen dark curl away from Howie's handsome face. "And, he has special plans for his angels, especially the ones with golden hearts."

Howie was silent for the long moment, continuing to stare at the still hot sand of the beach. His dark eyes burned with unshed tears, but not from pain. More so, from the beautiful words falling from Grace's sweet lips. She was eloquent and poised, far more intelligent than many men gave her credit for. She had the soul of an innocent angel, tainted by the ugliness impressed upon her in this world. He really was starting to believe that God had sent her specifically to him. She was his to love eternally. And, Howie believed he already loved her more than she could dare to realize.

"And... Now that I've made a total ass of myself..." Grace muttered, taking his silence as something wrong. She attempted to stand on the rock, continuing with her walk until a large wave soaked the rock. Her footing slipped and she tumbled backward into the ocean. She landed with a sharp thud as another wave crashed against her back, instantly soaking her clothing. Grace cringed as a salty flavor entered her mouth. "Twice! ... God, I hate the ocean."

"Grace! Grace are you okay?!" Howie's eyes widened in shock as he ran around to see what damage might have been done.

"I'm fine," she promised as another wave crashed over her head. She was somewhat thankful to have a water proof cast, until another wave rose. She sputtered the water as she attempted to rub it from her mouth, only adding to the disgusting salty flavor. She shivered with disgust as Howie reached to help her up. "My pride, on the other hand, is sorely damaged..."

"Come on, we need to get you into some dry clothes," Howie bent down and looped his arms under Grace's to boost her up.

"Did I mention I hate the ocean?" Grace voiced as she wrinkled her nose with true aggravation, stumbling with Howie's help right into his arms, brushing tightly against his chest. It was almost as if lightening had struck against her spine, causing her to gasp.

"Yeah, more than once now," Howie whispered, looking deep into her emerald-green eyes.

"It was hard to adjust to this huge city when I was younger... Especially the ocean... I fell in love with my lake at home. It's so calm and peaceful, y'know? Gave me comfort when the world was so chaotic. I'd just jump into it and it'd cleanse away the pain... Then I get here and the ocean is so unruly and wild... The salt seemed to burn my wounds... It never seemed to fit..." Grace rambled as she nervously licked her bottom lip. She was acutely aware of the sweet scent Howie projected and the warmth of his body. She could hear the soft thud of his heart beat, causing deep reactions within her bruised heart. But she couldn't move from his grasp, mesmerized by his dark brown eyes, wanting to be in his embrace far more than she realized.

"They're two contrasting bodies of water, but they both have beauty in different ways. It just depends on how you're feeling at the moment," Howie made sure to stay connected with Grace, reaching down to run a hand through her soft curls. "The ocean can be as calming as a lake and a lake can be as wild as the ocean."

"How so?" she mused softly, studying the darkness of his eyes. In some way, it seemed as if he were maybe speaking about them. About their differences. How sweet their differences could be together. Grace attempted to swallow the lump in her throat as her heart fluttered. Her breathing uneven as a soft chill invaded her body, causing her chest to repeatedly brush against Howie's as he seemed to pull her closer. Though, she feared the chill wasn't from the nightly breeze.

"If you watch the ocean at night, you can see waves crashing against the rocks and the soft hiss as the mist floats into the air... and it seems so serene in the moonlight that you would never guess that it could cause so much damage," he attempted to explain one another with the metaphor of water. He felt his head lean down closer to Grace as he continued. "A lake may be calm and placid at night, but it can be just a rough during a storm as the ocean. Waves topped with whitecaps that cause sailboats to almost fly in the air, waves rushing against the shoreline."

"I suppose I can give you that..." she agreed after an overwhelming period of sexually tensioned silence. "...But I miss the lake so much..."

"Maybe someday soon we could take a little trip. I know a lake that would be perfect. The state doesn't allow motorized water vehicles on the water, so it's clear and unpolluted," he offered softly.

"Why would you do something like that for me?"

"Because I want to."

"We would take a weekend get-away together?"

"If you would like."

"Just us?"

"Just you and me."

"If you're not too busy..." she trailed, continuing to slowly search the depth of Howie's beautiful chocolate eyes. She could see the faintest glimmer of his soul at first glance, but studying him she became overwhelmed with the passion lurking below. Her breath caught against her throat as she attempted to pull away, her heart aching for Howie to say or do something more... Though, she couldn't identify it.

"I would never be too busy to take you," he felt her tug against his embrace and he tightened in returned, bringing her closer.

Grace's body tensed as Howie folded her closer to him. Their bodies seemed to melt into one another, forming one complete soul. Fire licked against every nerve of Grace's body, causing her breath to quicken. Howie was spinning her in circles. His words danced upon important factors, never bothering to touch, confusing her greatly. "Why am I so special?"

"Because you've been special since the night I met you. I don't know how to explain it Grace, but you've made me feel things I never thought I would ever feel," Howie confessed, feeling her tense. It was now or never.

"What do you mean?"

"Happiness and love."

"Excuse me?"

"I thought I knew what happiness was but I never felt it until I met you and... I just feel this love pouring from me out to you so much it feels like Niagara Falls--"

"Love?" she interrupted, somewhat floored by the explanation. Her heart skipped several beats at the confession, because that's the emotions she hadn't been able to identify for several weeks. But her mind spoke otherwise. She had never felt love before and believed that it never existed. And for him to claim something so powerful was earth-shattering. She took a deep breath, but it locked within her chest.

"Yeah... love. I was trying to find it in all the wrong places until I met you," he replied, feeling her heart pound against his chest.

"You're obviously still looking in the wrong places," she wheezed, attempting to break away from his grasp. The comfort she felt with Howie's arms around her now became unsettling. Their special touches throughout the passed days seemed tainted in her mind. Not disgustingly tainted, but fearfully tainted.

"No, I don't think I am."

"Howie, no--"

"I may not know much of your past, if any of it, but I just have this gut feeling and I'm going with it."

"Please, don't--"

Without warning, Howie interrupted her with a deep yet gentle kiss.
The pleading words quickly died within her throat as Howie's hand reached to cup the back of her neck. He pulled her closer as their lips continued to connect and she reciprocated the affections. Tilting her head to ease the access, their kiss broke into several, allowing their tongues to knowingly caress one another as shivers raced between them. The explosion of romance's electricity was phenomenal, nothing Grace had ever experienced before. She felt as if she were falling inside Howie, intermixing with his soul as his lips slowly softened against hers before pulling away.

"...That was my first kiss..." Grace whispered.

"Did I help make it a memorable one?" Howie murmured in return, pressing their foreheads together as his hand still stayed behind her neck.

"No one forgets their first kiss..." she answered vaguely, swallowing hard in attempts to forget the sensations slowly pulsating from every angle of her body. She had never wanted to kiss a man before, terrified at the emotional significance it may have had. If anything, kissing was only a painful reminder of what she could never had. Yet, with Howie, it gave her hope.

"But was yours bad or good?"

"Wonderful."

"Really?"

"Really," she admitted, allowing her emerald eyes to flutter open in order to greet Howie's gaze. For a moment, her eyes hardened into a look of worry as she assessed Howie's simplistic statement. "Why? Wasn't it what you wanted?"

"It was more than what I wanted... I've just never had anyone say that and mean it," he tried to explain.

"You've done so much for Kit and me, so the very least I can do is be honest with you," Grace assured, shyly reaching to rub her thumb across Howie's bottom lip. The moist warmth caused her to bashfully smile, causing a rosy hue to accentuate her peaches-and-cream complexion. She wanted to make sure this wasn't a dream.

"I just... I..." Howie stammered, tears misting in his dark eyes.
"Howie? What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he promised with a strained whisper, actually quickly releasing her from his grasp. He moved to hold a hand against his face, turning to shield her from the powerful emotions causing tears to streak painfully. "Let's go get you some dry clothes, Grace. You're still soaked.”

"I don't care," Grace quickly disagreed, reaching to grasp his upper arm. She attempted to turn him despite her small stature, gently cupping his tear streaked face into her free, small hand. "Stranger... What'd I do?"

"You didn't do anything wrong," he promised, clearing his throat as her hand warmed his chilled cheek. "I haven't met anyone like you and to have them feel some of the same things I do, it just... it overwhelmed me."

Grace frowned softly, "I'm sorry--"

"No, it's nothing to be sorry about."

"I can leave you alone--"

"No!"

"What'd I do now?" Grace yelped in shock.

"Nothing! I mean..." Howie sighed, taking a moment to collect himself. "You didn't do anything wrong. For God's Sake, Grace, I just told you how happy you made me and I don't want to be alone."

Grace still paled at his outburst, withdrawing her hand away from his intensity. She remembered far too many nights when her father would become hyper for no apparent reason and she would suffer greatly. "You're making me nervous..."

"I don't want to make you nervous--"

"It's not your fault... I just... I don't want to do anything wrong," she tried to explain as best she could. It had always been a mortal fear as she grew up. She had to please everyone. Only until she reached Florida did she really start to defend herself for any means of survival. But, when she cared deeply for someone, she couldn't help but worry.

"No, no, no. Sweetheart, you didn't do anything wrong," he reassured quickly. "I didn't want you to leave me."

"I'm kind of new to this whole thing..." she explained softly with a mystified smile. She didn't understand why it was so important for him to keep her close. Why she was so important that he couldn't bear to part with her.

"I understand," he walked closer to her and linked both their hands together. "It's new to me, too."

"So... Are we heading back to your house?"

"Yeah, if you're okay with that. I just don't want you getting sick from those wet clothes. Build a nice fire, make some cups of hot cocoa and listen to some music... how does that sound?"

"Sounds good to me," she agreed, taking a quick initiative to bring him down the short inch to her height. She pressed a warm kiss to his lips, just wanting to make sure that the feelings continued to pulsate. And, in essence, they grew far stronger with the second kiss than the first. Grace knew Howie deserved all the love in the world and if she could offer a small token of what he deserved, though she wasn't sure love was possible, then she'd do it.

"Mmm, let's go inside," Howie finally replied after their tenth kiss.

*~*~*

"You're going to be late, Stranger!" Grace hollered loudly from her cuddled position on the long couch, briefly glancing up from the laptop that was downloading a variety of songs into her new MP3 Player. She had been going stir crazy without some kind of music to soothe her soul, so Howie went out immediately to fix the heartache. Not that she had asked for it, but he just seemed to be able to read her heart as the days continued to pass. It was slightly unnerving at points, especially since Grace tried to lock herself away. But the bundled pleasure of exciting emotions racing through her system was worth the worries. She knew she could keep herself at a distance, even if she was falling head over heels in her heart.

"I can't find that damn shirt... where is it? I normally keep it in this drawer!" Howie's frustrated voice floated down from his bedroom as drawers opened and closed erratically.

"Just put on something, it's not like you're dressing to impress! It's a meeting!"

"You don't understand the power of Kevin's wrath!" Howie growled, knowing he had to look presentable.

"What shirt are you looking for?" Grace sighed, unfazed at how close they sounded to being an actual married couple.

"My dark purple camp shirt! I just washed it last night!"

Grace grew silent for a moment, glancing down at her own wardrobe. She was wearing a white ribbed tank with a pair of short jean shorts, complimented with the exact shirt Howie was describing. It was honestly one of her favorite shirts, mostly because it allowed her to carry Howie's fresh scent with her when he was tied up in production meetings. When she was lonely, she just inhaled the lightness of the shirt and was warmed. She immediately wetted her lips with a slight amusement, hoping he wouldn't throttle her. "Can't you find another one to wear?"

"It's the only shirt that goes with these pants and I can't find a different pair of pants to go with a different shirt now, I'm already running behind!" Howie's voice raised what seemed to be an octave as he ran around his room.
"Are you always this difficult when it comes to clothing?" Grace groaned as she pulled herself away from the blankets she had been snuggling with. She slowly trudged up the stairs as she listened to a rash of Spanish explode from his bedroom. She was almost convinced that he would ground her once he realized she was wearing it.

"When it involves Kevin, yes! Now help me find the--" Howie stopped when he looked up at Grace and saw his shirt on her body. "…shirt."

"I found it downstairs and decided to wear it up so it wouldn't hurt my cast," she attempted pathetically to cover herself, offering a sweet, bashful smile filled with apologies.

"You... you had it on all this time..." he shook his head, trying not to laugh.

"Am I grounded?" she asked seriously.

"Grounded? From what? For what?"

"For stealing the shirt that you wanted to wear?"

"Why would you get grounded?"

"I don't know, it's what you tell Brian all the time about AJ and Nick..."
"AJ and Nick are two dumb-asses that do stupid shit where they need to get grounded. You're not like that."

"So, I'm adorable and completely forgive for stealing your shirt?" she questioned hopefully, puckering her bottom lip.

"How can I say no to that?" he finally laughed, kissing her pouting lips. "You're forgiven."

"Thanks," she chirped, practically glowing from the kiss. She attempted to hide the excitement, however, focusing on unbuttoning the shirt with her good hand. Then, she stepped toward Howie and draped it over his shoulders, helping to button it with one hand. "Guess you're going to have to smell me all day, huh?"

"There's nothing wrong with that. It'll help me get through the meeting," he smiled as they both finished buttoning him up. "Besides, you smell really good."

"Only because someone decided to buy me expensive perfume that I unfortunately absolutely adore," Grace sighed, attempting to push him toward the door and down the stairs. He was going to be outrageously late if he didn't hurry and Grace didn't need any more strikes against her when it came to his band-mates and friends.

"It's not just the perfume, you naturally smell good," Howie yelped slightly as he almost ran into the front door. "Babe, I'm a little late but I don't need a date with the door smacking my face."

"Then what kind of date do you need?" she laughed.

"One with you? A candlelit dinner with champagne chilling--"

"Stranger, do we not remember this horrible wrath of Kevin that you fear so much?" Grace groaned with a sweet laugh.

"Ooh, shit, I forgot!" Howie turned around and kissed her again. "I'll be back in a few hours."

"Have fun," she laughed, watching him dart toward his car with a gust of speed. Though, he made sure to turn back, waving brightly before pulling away. Once his expensive car disappeared, Grace snuck back inside, practically diving underneath her covers on the couch. She lay in the darkness for a minute before retrieving the faded journal from beneath the couch. Pulling her knees up to brace the old book, she opened it to the most recent list of lyrics she was working on. When she turned thirteen, her mother had given her this special journal to fill with all her 'special' thoughts. Grace had been given the gift of intelligence and a poetic justice that always seemed to spill forth on paper. She wrote the most beautiful songs, but tucked them deep inside the unknown journal, only allowing Kitra access.

"You take... you give... no... the damn word is on the tip of my tongue..." Grace trailed off before scribbling down the perfect line. She became caught up in the music flowing through her mind and onto the paper.

Since her first kiss with Howie, her lyrics had flooded with a passion for life that could hardly be seen in the beginning. Her words were cheerful and hopeful, far from the depressed anger that welled within her soul as she felt from the mountain of Kentucky and all her nightmares. Only, as she wrote these lyrics, she found herself somewhat confused. All the emotions were still very new and the idea of love caused a fresh ache in her heart. Howie had used that word several times, yet she couldn't reciprocate the value. She didn't know what love actually was. She had listened to dozens of romantic songs in her MP3 Player, but nothing made sense. Her lyrics were beautiful with a deep passion, but tipped toward the edges was the threat of true vulnerability. She truly wished Kitra was there to help her.

"Kit. Damn, where are you? We've got to figure out what we're doing with our jobs," Grace stopped writing for a moment, chewing on the cap of her pen. Howie already spoke against them going back to Devil's Playground or Kitra turning tricks, so they had to either go against his wishes or quit and pick up their last paychecks. Grace didn't want to depend on Howie for so many things but she also wanted to stop stripping.

Whatever the case may be, it was definitely in Grace's best interest to return to Devil's Playground. She could tie up the loose ends and explain to Devil (her boss) the possibility of returning to work when the cast was removed. She couldn't close off the opportunity entirely, knowing Howie was free to kick the girls out whenever he desired. Everything was so unstable when it came to her relationship with him, despite what she felt for him. She just needed something to catch her. Exotic dancing at Devil's Playground was good money, she couldn't deny that if Howie sent them packing. She just wanted Kitra to come with her, hopefully settle the debt evenly with Evan, no matter what he had done to them. At least Kitra would be free of prostitution then.

"I'll just talk to Devil and figure it all out when--"

"HONEY, I'M HOME!" Kitra's loud giggles suddenly erupted in the middle of Grace's spoken thoughts.

"Kit!" Grace exclaimed with relief, scrambling off the couch yet again. She hurried toward the door with an anxious flutter. She had been practically deprived of Kitra for an entire week. The younger woman had missed Kitra terribly, even though the week had been utterly fantastic with Howie. Some things just never could compete with a best friend. But, ever sentiment of longing left Grace's body in a cold chill when she discovered Kitra's obviously altered state of mind.

"What, no hug and kiss? C'mon, I've missed you!" Kitra grinned, still clad in the leather dress she had left in, though AJ had promised more in return for being his the whole week.

"Missed me so much that you forgot how to dial a telephone number?" Grace immediately ventured to guess, her voice crisp and cold. Kitra had promised so many times that she would stop using recreational drugs. They were dangerous and could cause serious addictions that only lead to more complications. It was hazardous, yet Kitra continued to 'love' life to the fullest. She looked as if she had been thrown from a wild hurricane, her blue-gray eyes bloodshot with heavy bags beneath, her hair wild from obvious 'play-time' with AJ. It was disgusting. "Of course... I guess I would forget to if I had a coke straw stuck up my nose the whole damn week."

"Give me a break, Racie! I didn't have a straw stuck up--"

"Or a needle in my arm... whichever you prefer, Kitra."

"So I had fun this week, what's wrong with that?" Kitra fired back, clumsily hanging up her leather coat in the foyer. She stumbled a little along the way, but made what she hoped was a quick recovery.

"Do you want me to start the list now or wait until you realize you're getting blood everywhere?" Grace snapped back with an unrelenting fury. She hated that Kitra chose to drown her pain inside empty alcohol bottles and packets of drugs. They may both have been guilty with hiding themselves, but Grace's outlet wasn't deadly. She had read up on cocaine addictions and whatever else Kitra could get her hands on. Death seemed imminent and that scared Grace terribly.

"Blood? What are you talking about?" Kitra gazed at Grace with confusion.

"You did too many lines this week, Kitra," Grace groaned as she reached to gather several tissues to push into Kitra's hands. "Your nose is bleeding."

"Oh shit," Kitra cursed, finally feeling the blood ooze down towards her lips. She pinched her nostrils shut, attempting to stop the flow before closing her eyes to avoid Grace's glare.

"You promised you would stop this shit."

"I know, but when Alex took it out I just--"

"Decided you couldn't say no?"

"You don't know what it's like to be addicted, Racie! You don't, so don't get all 'holier than thou' on my ass," Kitra snapped, opening her eyes as the bleeding stopped.

"Heaven forbid that I'm actually concerned about your stupid ass OD'ing with Alex and having no one around knowing how to dial 9-1-1!"

"I'm not going to OD!" Kitra growled, throwing her hands up into the air. The bloody tissues fell onto the floor with a soft thud. "I'm careful and I've never OD'd--"

"What, did you forget last year?"

"That was not an OD, Evan got a bad batch--"

"Bad batch my hairy, white ass, you stopped breathing! I had to jump on your chest just to make sure your damn heart didn't stop beating. And you promised me, Kit. Promised that you would stop scaring me like this! I take care of you! God knows I protect you when no one else will! But I'm getting tired of it!"

"You don't have to do any of that anymore, okay? You don't have to worry about my stupid ass because Alex will do it for you!"

"Alex?" Grace actually laughed at the absurdity of her thoughts. "Alex doesn't give two shits about you, Kit. He's only concerned about how far you can spread your fucking legs and get that coke straw up your damn nose."

"If it gets me money, food and clothes so I don't have to mooch off of Howie, then I'll fucking do it. Would you rather have me whoring to random guys or just one? The money I can make with Alex is three times what I did with Evan as my boss and there's no strings attach--"

"You're fooling yourself if you think there isn't going to be any strings attached with him," Grace interrupted, her voice barely above a strained whisper. She was far too aware of what Kitra wanted to say about what Grace was doing with Howie.

"Like you can talk, Gracie," Kitra sneered, ugly with the poison still sweeping through her system. "Playing house with Howie is only going to get you so far, Sweetheart. And I doubt your prudish stripper ways are going to entertain him for very long."

"Get yourself cleaned up before Howie comes home, Kitra," Grace stated cleanly, reaching to snatch the keys to their old car from the coffee table. She avoided the bold statements Kitra was making, afraid to even let her heart face that deep seed of pain.

"Running away again? I guess I shouldn't be surprised, it's one thing you're good at," Kitra continued, turning to head upstairs to her bedroom.

"It only comes in second to me always having to clean up your messes," Grace finished under her breath, refusing to let the single pair of tears fall from her beautiful emerald eyes as she stepped out.

Chapter 9 – Taking Her Stand

Brian's spirits slightly dampened as he entered the spacious conference room, immediately noticing the splitting of their friendship circle. AJ and Nick were off to the side, joking and laughing at what Brian knew was some dirty joke about Grace and Kitra. Kevin was sitting in the middle going through various paperwork for their upcoming tour, though Brian knew he was probably eavesdropping on AJ and Brian. Then, finally, Howie was off to the side, somewhat lost in though as he concentrated on something in his hands. The smile on his face was priceless, though, causing a spark of curiousness to flare in Brian. Balancing his large plate of food from the lunch their producers and managers had provided, he walked to take a seat next to Howie. "How's my Gracie, D? She ever figure out when she's actually going to take me up on that date to play with Tyke?"

"Hmm? Oh, hey Brian," Howie looked up and smiled as Brian sat down next to him. "No, she hasn't said anything about that yet, but I can ask when I get home if you want."

"She also has to play a game of basketball with me when she gets that cast off," Brian continued, noticing a considerable change in his friend's dark brown eyes. Since his disastrous romances with women Brian purposely forgot to name, Howie's eyes had turned dark and mournful. He was depressed with life, never bothering to carry an optimistic attitude that he was known for. And his adorable smile that their fans loved to comment about had faded into a mere ember of what it used to be. Yet, now, Howie seemed exuberant, practically glowing with the freshness of life.

"I'll remind her."

"Good... so what's happened since I came over? You seem... different."

"Nothing..." he promised, though he couldn't keep the silly smirk from his face.

"Nothing?" Brian laughed, rolling his eyes. "Then tell me what you were looking at."

"It's a seashell," Howie replied, turning his hand sideways so Brian could see. It was light blue, small and delicate but strong with calcium from the ocean waves. "Grace gave it to me last night."

"Why'd she give you a seashell?" Brian asked honestly, flopping his plate of food between them on the coffee table.

"Something to hold onto when I'm doubting something or myself. She said a shell only starts out weak but with determination it gets stronger with each wave that hits."

"She's a really smart cookie," Brian whistled with observation, unable to hide the cheeky smile spreading on his face. Grace couldn't have possibly been any better of an influence on Howie. She was extremely intelligent and a complete contradiction to the stereotypes that followed exotic dancers. It amazed Brian that she could connect so deeply with Howie, especially when others had been struggling to reach him for months.

"She is, Bri... she really is. I haven't felt this happy since... ever. I'm really glad she's in my life," Howie nodded, placing the shell back in his pocket before reaching over to grab a couple of carrots to munch on.

"So, that means your anxious to tell me about what happened since I haven't been to visit lately, right?" Brian egged, gently bumping against Howie's shoulder as he avoided Kevin's light green eyes.

"You're too nosy sometimes."

"True, but does that mean you're going to tell me?"

"Bri..."

"You know you're dying to tell someone," Brian sang, biting into the sandwich he had fixed. In essence, Brian really was the only person he had on his side. Kevin was dead set against even glancing in Grace's direction, much less hearing about Howie's blooming relationship with her. And AJ and Nick treated her like some sexual object for their pleasures.

"I hate it when you're right," Howie chewed on a carrot, trying to frown but just ended up smiling again.

"I love it."

"Figures... well, you know how I feel about her, right?"

"Captivated?"

"Just about."

"Okay, I got that part. What happened next?" Brian asked as Howie took some more vegetables.

"Kitra left to spend some time at J's place--"

"You had Grace to yourself?" Brian interrupted with an awed gasp, as if he had just met Superman.

"Yes--"

"What happened?"

"If you stopped interrupted me like a little kid, I could tell you," Howie pushed on Brian's forehead.

"Spill!"

"We went for a walk on the beach one night. Grace was worried about Kitra and I thought it would take her mind off things."

"You and those romantic beach walks," Brian sighed, oblivious that another pair of ears was listening in.

"Hey, I like them and so does Grace."

"I didn't say there was anything wrong with it," Brian laughed, "But, c'mon, what happened?"

"We just started talking about everything and before I could think about what I was doing... I kissed her."

Brian was silent for a passing moment as if he were absorbing the information. His light blue eyes studied Howie's facial features, trying to judge if the man was serious. But, Brian knew better than to assume Howie wasn't telling the truth. He was almost like the second golden boy of the group. His jaw agape, Brian shook his head in disbelief. "What'd she do?"

"Kissed me back," Howie gave a silly smile, stuffing the last bit of celery into his mouth.

"So, she feels the same about you?"

"You know how she is about sharing her feelings, but... I'm guessing since she kissed me back and we've gotten closer ever since... yeah, she does."

"How does that work then?" Brian asked in confusion. "Are you a couple or... You two just kiss all the time now without any labels...?"

"We're taking it slow."

"Which really means you haven't said a word about anything to her."

"I don't want to scare her, Bri."

"Besides, why ruin things when you're getting free smooches," Brian chuckled, knowing Howie was doing the right thing by Grace.

"You're funny," Howie groaned.

"I know," Brian answered with a lopsided grin. "But, is it really serious for you? Your feelings for Grace, I mean..."

"Yeah, they are. I just don't know how to bring them about to her..."

"You'll figure out a way. You always do."

"Why can't the other guys be understanding like you?"

"Because I'm one of a kind," Brian sighed with pleasure, leaning back on the couch as if he were God. He closed his eyes for a moment, before popping them open with surprise. "Here's the ultimate question, D!"

"Uh-oh... I'm afraid to hear it--"

"Do you love her?" Brian questioned seriously, ignoring Howie's venture into sarcasm.

"Huh?" Howie's jaw dropped.

"Do you love her?"

"Why would you--"

"Because you know if you do or not and I'm curious as to how far I need to go to protect this relationship for you."

"I... I do love her. People think it's not possible considering Grace's past and how long I've known her, but I still love her."

"She deserves someone like you to love her," Brian agreed with a happy grin, patting Howie's shoulder. "Everything is going to be absolutely fantastic between you two. I promise."

'Not if I can help it,' Kevin thought angrily as he turned away from the conversation.

*~*~*

Grace smiled sweetly to her boss as she excused herself from his office, her large check tucked securely in the back pocket of her jeans. He had promised her a large increase in salary if she promised to quickly return after the cast was removed from her arm. It seemed that the business had taken a large plummet when Grace was so rudely yanked from the line-up. Not that she was conceited, but she understood as she glanced to the stage to see Ginger working on of Grace's original routines to Twisted Angel. It was amusing to say the least as the woman attempted to flaunt every asset of her aging body, unable to offer the seductively innocent qualities that Grace naturally exuded. But, those thoughts were brushed away when she turned to see a familiar person rising from Evan's reserved seating in the corner. She concentrated on the tall, dark man for a moment, frowning when she realized it was Kevin Richardson shaking hands with the man that had nearly murdered her. She had every intention of stalking over to the table and popping Howie's friend in the mouth when the bartender bellowed.

"Angel-Cheeks! Get your ass over here! I'm making your favorite! On the house!"

Grace sighed as she turned away from Kevin's deceitful tactics. She slid herself onto a barstool next to the old bartender that had almost became like a father to her over the years of working. She offered a sweet smile as he slid Kitra's check toward her along with her share of the tips. She noticed the bills were thick this months, knowing the girls must have parted with parts of their wages to help out their friends. "A virgin strawberry daiquiri for your favorite dancer?"

"Anything for you," the man smiled, immediately working on Grace's request. "How's the arm feeling?"

"Sore," Grace admitted as she pulled her long honey locks over her right shoulder. She curled her index finger around one single spiral, studying George's technique as he added fresh strawberries to the mixture. Grace absolutely detested the taste of alcohol, so George was constantly mixing special drinks for her. But, her mind immediately turned as she glanced over her shoulder to see Kevin moving toward the exit. "How long as that guy been here, Georgie?"

"You mean McLean's friend? Oh, I'd say an hour or something. Real asshole, acted like he was better than the rest of us," George replied, turning on the blender for a moment. He turned it off and poured the drink into a long, slender glass. He garnished it with another strawberry and slid it over to her.

"What was he doing here anyway? Doesn't seem like the type that'd let Big Ol' Ging slap her boobs in his face," Grace scowled, biting into the sweet strawberry George had dusted lightly with sugar.

"Asked... no, more like demanded where Kit's pimp was and left in the middle of me asking if he wanted a drink."

"Maybe he needs a date," Grace laughed at the idea, her emerald eyes twinkling in an impish manner that caused George to release a belly laugh.

"I think he just needs to get that stick removed from his ass... then again, he seems to maybe like that a little too much," George chuckled, nodding towards her glass. "How's the daq?"

"Absolutely the most wonderful thing that I have ever tasted," Grace boasted, motioning for George to bend so she could deliver an affectionate kiss to his bald head. "You spoil me rotten, Papi! And, I owe you a night on the town, just call me up to wrangle your rug-rats."

"I will, because Rachel has been bugging me about us getting out of the house for just a night," George grinned, gently pinching her cheek.

"Good thing your kids love me," Grace laughed, motioning for a cocktail napkin so she could scribble down the number to her cell phone.

"Better for me because then I don't end up killing them--"

"You should write that number down for me, Gracie," another voice interrupted.

"I thought I smelled rotting teeth," Grace grimaced as she pushed the napkin toward George, immediately recognizing the voice. Her entire body tensed as she turned to catch the oily eyes of Evan checking out her slender curves. She did her best to maintain a sweet deposition, deciding to breeze right past him. She reached over the bar to kiss George one more time as he handed her the usual to-go mug of her virgin strawberry daiquiri. She made him promise to call this week about babysitting, attempting to slip past the man that had caused so much damage before George got fired.

"Now is that the polite way to greet your boss?" Evan's face broadened with a sickening grin, placing his arm out so she couldn't leave. "Don't you try to leave while I'm talking to you, Gracie. I thought you would have learned your lesson... Kitra, too. I heard that dried up, useless bitch survived. Won't be too long before she comes crawling back--"

"First of all, you're not my boss. Second of all, Kitra's done with you. She's got another job that pays three times the pennies you were throwing into her condom box," Grace snapped, pulling Evan's arm down away from her chest. "So, would you let me leave before George gets fired for nailing your ass to a cross?"

"George wouldn't--"

"Oh believe me, Evan, I have no qualms about doing that," George crackled his large knuckles, a menacing look crossing his light eyes. "I've got the cross and nails all ready for you."

"Asshole," Grace breathed, pushing hard on Evan's chest so he stumbled backward. She gave a small thank you smile toward George, moving toward the exit at a fast pace. Only, when she was free from the building, Tony, Evan's body guard, stepped right into her path. He was obviously postponing her departure for his boss. Grace cursed underneath her breath as she attempted to get past the large man. "Don't you monkeys ever go on vacation?!"

"Evan pays us enough that we don't have to," Tony sneered, grabbing her shoulders with his huge hands. "Now, you ain't going anywhere without talking to him, Sweetheart."

"Didn't know I had a fucking appointment," Grace replied with a dark scowl. Her entire body tensed with Tony's hold as he pulled her toward the side of the building, away from where George might be tempted to look. And, sure enough, Evan appeared a few moments later, looking quite pleased with himself.

"I knew I could count on you, Tone. At least you're good for something," Evan stood inches away from Grace, his fingers lingering around her curves. "Now we didn't finish our conversation, Gracie. If you learned anything from Kitra, it's that I end things, not you."

"I'm not like Kitra, Evan. I'm not going to take your shit--"

"Oh yes you will, because I know you and Kitra are staying with Dorough. I can easily find you."

"Your point?" Grace scoffed, attempting to act as if the thought meant nothing to her. She moved to step away, but Evan quickly caught her. He slammed her back hard against the brick wall, pressing his own body against hers with a sexual stir. She winced as he appropriately grinded, reminding her of why men couldn't ever seem to be trusted. "Damnit, Evan--"

"How would you like to wake up one morning and find Kitra's head along with lover-boy Dorough's boiling in a pot in that expensive kitchen of his? To walk into their bedrooms and see their bodies skinned like a deer? I can have that happen, Gracie. Don't doubt me," Evan growled, grabbing her chin roughly and making her look into his disturbed eyes.

"What makes you think I give two shits about them?"

"I can see it in those oh-so-pretty eyes of yours. You may have a tough act, but it's given away in those emerald-blues--"

"What do you want, Evan?" Grace interrupted curtly, trying to pull away from his grasp. But, the further she tried to dismantle herself from the slimy embrace, the harder Evan pushed her against the wall. She could feel the small bulge of his manhood pressing against her inner thigh, causing her stomach to coil in tight knots of sickness. She just wanted to go home. To Howie.

"Besides you--"

"Just fucking tell me already so I can leave."

"I was really hoping that you had come to your senses, Sweetheart," Evan answered with a leering grin, allowing his hand to slip inside her peasant top to finger the soft comfort of her right breast. "My customers are begging for a chance to saddle up and ride you... Of course, I'd really need to go first so I can report customer satisfaction--"

"I'm not your whore, Evan--"

"Then I need reimburse for the damage you did to my john. Spend the evening with me and I'll never bother your little Kitty-Cat again," Evan volunteered, his hand trailing along her leanly toned abdomen before slipping just a breath inside her hip hugger jeans.

"How much money did you lose that night?" Grace questioned, arching her back in disgust in attempts to get away from his rough fingers.

"He was going to pay me a thousand just to have Kitty-Cat for four hours but since that was fucked up--"

"What if I could get you the money?"

"How?"

"If you would get your fucking paws off me, I could get you the damn money," Grace acknowledged, hating that she was resorting to paying the man off.
"How?" Evan repeated, pulling away from her slightly.

"I just got our pay checks from Devil, which he just slips into bills for me anyway. Plus the tips that George gave me. And..." Grace trailed with a jaded sigh as she walked toward her car, slipping inside. She pulled open the back wall of the glove compartment to reveal the nine hundred dollars AJ had given her for Howie's lap dance. Dejectedly, she handed over all the money as she was reminded yet again of the problems Kitra caused. "That is well over a thousand dollars. Enough to fix the john accident and keep you well supplied with whores for the next few hours. Can we please call it even?"

"Hmm... I don't know..." Evan looked over at his bodyguard. "What do you think, Tony?"

"If it fixes everything, boss, I'd take it," Tony shrugged his broad shoulders.

"Take it or leave it, Evan. What's your choice?"

"Kitty-Cat is in the clear," Evan finally agreed, snatching the money from Grace's soft hand. He leaned down inside the car, snapping a bruising kiss against her neck. "But I'm still going to get you in my bed, Gracie."

"It's not going to happen," Grace pulled away from Evan's grasp.
Evan just laughed, tapping on the hood of her car. "Whatever you say, Gracie. Tell Kitty-Cat I've got a fresh supply of good stuff whenever her nose starts itching again."

*~*~*

Kevin exhaled a disgusted breath as he opened Howie's front door in time for Kitra to come breezing by. She was humming happily to herself as she pushed her large breasts higher into the scarlet red corset wrapped around her thin form, obviously looking to make them pop as she skipped down to AJ's expensive car. The faint smell of perfume wafted around Kevin, making his stomach churn tightly with disgust. He hated that Howie was harboring such women of ill repute. The man was far too naive to handle this type of situation. The women would only cause him heartache in the long run, especially Grace. After taking a visit down to Devil's Playground to speak with Evan, Kevin was horrified at just what Howie was falling in love with. He knew that AJ would eventually grow tired of being able to have a stripper without the dues, but Howie would fall hard. Kevin had to stop it, before he embarrassed himself and the group. They were touring in just a few short weeks. It wasn't a time for a mid-career crisis and Kevin had to make sure of that as he walked into the living room. He immediately frowned when he noticed Howie scurrying to hide something from his view. Something he was doing for Grace, obviously.

"Howie, I need to talk to you."

"What more do you have to say, Kev? I swear if I hear one more selfish word out of your mouth, I'll have to kick you out," Howie frowned as he stood up.

"I want to talk about you," Kevin answered, attempting to peer at what Howie was doing. He needed to know how serious this relationship was intertwining within Howie's heart. By listening to his conversation with Howie, Kevin had already started to worry. He didn't want Howie to get hurt.

"There's nothing to talk about--"

"There's a lot to talk about," Kevin disagreed, pushing Howie back onto the couch. He then took a seat beside his 'younger brother,' clasping his hands tightly against his knees. "I need to know what you think you're doing with Grace."

"It's none of your business--"

"The Hell it's not my business. Do you realize how much jeopardy you're putting our reputation under? Or how you're risking getting hurt again by a woman?"

"Did I not say that if one selfish word came out of your mouth--"

"I went down to Devil's Playground, Howie," Kevin interrupted yet again, his light green eyes fiery with annoyance that Howie wouldn't listen. "I talked with Evan Rodgers. Kitra and Grace's Pimp and you have got to listen to me for once. Damnit, D, you're playing with fire."

"Grace's pimp?" Howie started to laugh at the ridiculous accusation coming from his oldest brother. "What the Hell have you been smoking?! Grace wasn't a prostitute, only Kitra!"

"Grace didn't work daily, but she did put in some time with Evan. In fact, a lot of time with Evan. He's pissed that you took the girls in. More importantly, pissed that you're messing with Grace. That's his girlfriend, Howie. And, he's killed men for even looking at her without permission. You need to get her the Hell out of this house. Not to mention the fact that she beat the snot out of some man. She's violent and not worth your energy."

"Oh, you have got to be kidding me. Evan's the one who almost killed the girls!" Howie continued to laugh, covering his face for a moment to compose himself. Kevin was going too far and it was getting annoyingly funny. "Grace is not his girlfriend, so before get your facts right before coming to me--"

"Evan wants to kill you, how about that, D?"

"I'd like to see him try."

"Damnit, Howie, he has no qualms about hurting you. He wants Grace back now. And I told him that he could have her."

"Excuse me?" Howie stopped in mid-laugh.

"That he could have--"

"Where the HELL do you get off saying that?! That's not your fucking choice!" Howie snapped, his eyes beginning to blaze.

"It becomes my fucking choice when my little brother is so obsessed over a girl that only paid attention to him because my other little brother tapped her with a nine hundred dollar tip. She isn't worth the danger that you're getting yourself into right now. She's a violent girl that's only going to hurt you ten times worse than anything. I mean, honestly, do you think you're going to start a relationship with her? Call her your girlfriend? And how will you introduce her to everyone, Howie? This is my girlfriend that gave me and my best friend a lap dance. It was love at first sight! You can find better girls. Hell, Kristen and I can introduce you to a nice girl."

"It's not your choice, Kevin. It's mine and mine only who I want to see! I could name off plenty of girls in your past who haven't been Miss Perfect, but I keep things in the past where they should be! If I get hurt it's my own damn fault and you can't do anything about it," Howie stood up, his body tense. He couldn't believe the gall Kevin had to talk to him like that. "Get out of my fuckig house. Right now."

"I refuse to stand at your grave sight laying a rose on your casket, Howie. She has to leave," Kevin insisted, rising to meet Howie's standing. Only, since he was over six feet, he practically towered over Howie.

"You don't have a say in this."

"Evan isn't joking, Howie. He wants Grace home now."

"How many times do I have to say this? She's. Not. His. Girlfriend."

"He doesn't give a shit about labels. You already told us what happened when the girls upset him. I don't even want to imagine what he's dreaming of doing to you at this moment. He wants her back and that's final. She's leaving, Howie. Today."

"This is my house and you can't control anything in it! They're my guests and neither are leaving."

Kevin was about to respond out of anger, but the argument was broken by the sound of a door opening. Sure enough, Grace slipped inside, looking completely exhausted. She played nervously with the edges of the sling holding her cast. Her emerald eyes were dark with worry, obviously thinking about Evan's haunting message about hurting Howie. Only, she had no words to voice as Kevin immediately stepped toward her, towering over her already broken form. "You need to get your things packed. We're done playing house. You're leaving. Now."

Grace glanced up into Kevin's darkening hazel eyes and bit down hard on her bottom lip. Her entire body tensed as if he might strike her with his thick palm, hating how men always seemed to dominate her. She swallowed the lump in her throat as she met his nasty gaze. "I don't have anything."

"Kevin, get the fuck away from her, she's not leaving!" Howie strode towards Kevin and pushed him away from Grace. "Leave her alone!"

"Evan wants you to go back to your own world, Grace. And, to protect Howie, I want you out of this house. Don't make this harder than it is. I thank you for keeping him company and I'm glad you enjoyed yourself, but this party is over," Kevin insisted with dark tones, quickly reaching to grasp Grace's upper arm to pull her closer so she'd get the idea. "It's time to wake up."

"Don't act so damn noble," Grace growled, yanking her arm away from him. The threats from Evan and dark glares of abhorrence from Kevin were enough to fill her body with disgust. She immediately became defensive, playing her game of survival. She mentally wrapped her bleeding heart in a protective stone shield, refusing to let him lead her. She would go willingly. "And, don't you dare assume that Evan is my world when you don't know a damn thing about me. I didn't always live in Florida and I didn't grow up in a strip club in a prostitution gold mine."

"I talked to Evan and he wants you--"

"I never was and never will be Evan's property. He was Kit's pimp and tried to get me but it never happened. How dare you come to me like this when you only know Evan's side? You have no right and you need to step off me right now."

"And what side could you possibly have Grace? What could be so different from Evan's story? You didn't almost beat a man to death?" Kevin actually laughed. "Sugar coated cream where you're an innocent victim in all of this? How you're really a good girl with sugar plum dreams?"

"Don't you dare patronize me. I am not some high school drop out. In fact, I'm a high school graduate with straight A's the entire school year. I was in advanced classes, not to mention graduated in the top ten percent of my class. I lived on a tiny farm in the mountains of Kentucky, right by the lake. God, I loved that lake so damn much. Momma couldn't pull me out of it. But, things happened and I couldn't stay. Maybe I was to blame, fine, but damnit, I'm not trash!" Grace snapped.

"Oh, please--"

"I came to Florida and Kitra found me. She took me in when it was pouring outside. I hadn't eaten for days because all my money was spent on getting a damn bus ride the Hell away from Kentucky so I could actually survive. And, yes, I started working at Devil's Playground as a stripper. But what about my job is so fucking different from yours? Don't you stand up in front of thousands of girls screaming your names, dancing sexually, and stripping off your clothing? Or, is it because your singing that makes it so damn different? Should I sing along to my songs? Or maybe I should be a man? Because then I wouldn't be flashing my tits that is considered so damn heinous compared to you ripping off your shirt to show your muscular chest while girls throw condoms on stage. Who's really the piece of trash, Kevin? Huh?"

"Don't you compare my job to yours--"

"I just did and now you can't think of a damn thing to say, can you? Why don't you figure out the full story before making accusations to a person you've never met. I'm a fucking human being just like you. I have feelings and I need a place to stay. Howie has been sweet enough to take me and Kitra in, which I am eternally grateful for. But if anyone has a say in whether I go or not, it's Howie. Not you. So, like I said, step off me right now."

"You--"

"Oh, and the man I almost beat to death? He was raping Kitra."

"Not--"

"I came out from giving Howie that expensive lap dance that all you men seemed to constantly focus on and Kitra asked if I could help her with her rounds that night. I refused because, fortunately for a nasty stripper like me, I hate sex. She got mad and stormed off. I wanted to just go home, take a long bath, and eat some of my leftover Dominos pizza. But Heaven forbid that I should be a normal person. I heard Kitra screaming that man was beating her mercilessly and, yeah, I kicked the shit out of him. Kitra saved my life when I came here. I wasn't going to let her die because some man couldn't respect her because of her choice of jobs. Evan was upset that I made him lose a lot of money and he wanted me to work the corner to make up for it. But I refused because I actually have morals. Morals that my mother taught me. So, he beat and raped me and Kitra. That's the damn fucking truth. So, again, step back up off me before I ram my cast down your throat."

"Howie, is she telling the truth?" Kevin glanced at Howie, who still looked angry.

"What do you fucking think?

Kevin felt his ego deflate dramatically as he glanced back toward Grace. All the hateful words flowing from her usually smiling lips bit at his skin like a sharp steel whip. Immediately, he felt foolish for his actions, knowing that his own father must have been turning in his grave. Grace had just confessed to living on a farm in Kentucky, his hometown. He may not have approved of her occupation, but she had made several good points.

"Why don't you just leave and think about what I've said?" Grace suggested with a sickeningly sweet sarcasm. "Because there's no way you're recovering from this."

"I..." Kevin tried to speak and sighed heavily, walking around Grace and towards the front door.

"How many assholes would you like to bring into my life, huh? Because I think I've passed the limit before I have to start consulting Satan on my life!" Grace groaned underneath her breath as she looked to the ceiling. Gingerly, she rubbed her throbbing upper arm where Kevin had yanked and then the bruising bite on her neck from Evan. Hadn't she suffered enough from childhood? Wasn't her father enough pain?

"Grace? Are you okay?" Howie finally voiced as Kevin left the house.

"I'm fine. I'm just fucking fine," she gritted, immediately fumbling through her empty pockets in search of her keys. She needed to take a drive; she needed to get away.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know he was coming--"

"Yeah, no one ever does. Just leave me alone, alright? I need to think," she interrupted, finding her keys. She turned and headed out of the house.

"Grace, wait--"

But it was useless.

She was gone.

Chapter 10 – Pleading for Second Chances

'God, where is she?' Howie thought painfully as he eased his body beneath the soft layers of his bedding. It felt cold and uncomfortable, the loneliness of his situation eating at his soul as he felt the vast emptiness of his king sized bed. He had wanted Grace beside him underneath the covers as he watched the glowing embers begin to fade from the fireplace in his room. It had been a week since Kevin's abrupt demand of Grace's immediate removal from Howie's life. Only, Grace had quickly rebutted with hints of her past, sending Kevin home with a tail between his legs. But she wasn't liberated with the feeling. Instead, she had snapped sharply at Howie and left without another word. Brief periods during the night she would return, but barely for a few minutes before stalking off into the night. It pained Howie to see her so troubled, yet she acted as if he didn't exist. And, yet another night would pass that he would have to dream of her not laying in the bedroom beside his master bedroom. It worried him fiercely.

He sighed heavily, rubbing his tired face as he continued to watch his fireplace. Confronting someone like Grace about what she was going through wasn't an option, but he had to do something. He was becoming sick with worry for her safety. The house was empty without her free spirit roaming the house with the impish and innocent nature he adored. He just wanted her home.
Home... Howie had to give a sad smile at that thought. This truly had become her home as the weeks passed. Before Kevin, Grace had treated Howie as if he were her husband. It was a wonderful feeling to come home to find her waiting for him. It had caused his heart to soar tremendously with pleasure. He couldn't stand the thought of her not coming home. After all, this was her home... Their home...

Only, Howie's thoughts were disturbed with a soft knock on his slightly open doorway. He lurched up in his bed with surprise as the door gently eased open to reveal Grace. She was a vision of loveliness in the soft glow of the fireplace. Her honey curls glistened within the lighting, accenting the soft strawberry highlights that gave way to her Irish heritage. Her emerald eyes glowed with a soft appreciation and hopefulness as she waited patiently in the doorway. The white cast on her right arm was removed and she looked slightly refreshed and absolutely breathtaking in a simple pair of worn blue jeans and the first shirt Howie had selected for her with the elegant fairy dancing.

"Are you too tired to talk?" she questioned softly, fingering the soft petals of the single dark pink rose she had selected specifically before returning to the house.

"No, not at all. Come on in and sit down," Howie patted a free spot on his large bed, smiling with relief.

"You're not naked or anything are you?" Grace attempted to tease as she lingered in the doorway. There was a soft blush accentuating her cheeks, proving that she was slightly nervous about entering his bedroom. She knew that she had scared him frightfully over the past week, but more importantly were the emotions that she had to face when Howie was laying in his bed. She noticed the toned muscularity of his bare chest, causing her insides to heat with erotic thoughts. She attempted to brush those thoughts aside, though, knowing she had hurt him terribly.

"Nope, I got some pajama pants on," Howie chuckled, patting the spot again for her to sit down. "I was worried about you."

"Oh..." she trailed quietly, finally moving inside. She leaned back against the door to close it, then moved slowly toward his bed. She eased down on the corner of the bed, blushing furiously when Howie beckoned her closer. Sighing, she moved to sit beside him at the head of the bed, resting against the thick pillows Howie obviously loved to cuddle with at night. She was silent for the longest moment, trying to forget the burning sensation ripping down her spine. She was here for more important matters. Not silly fantasies. Swallowing, she offered Howie the single dark pink rose. "My mother grew roses when I was little. She told me each color had a different meaning... The dark pink is thankfulness... So, I had to pick one up for you..."

"Oh, well thank you," he took the rose from her and smelled the sweet scent. It reminded him of Grace. "It's very beautiful. But you don't have to thank me. I'm just doing this for you because I want to."

"I know... But they don't really have any 'I'm sorry' colored roses..."

"I'm the one that should be sorry. I tried to get Kevin to leave before he could--"

"You don't have to be sorry for what Kevin said. He had a right to be concerned about you. I have no doubt that Evan spoke very ill of me to him when he was at Devil's Playground. And, I don't doubt that Evan threatened to harm you if I didn't return some favors--"

"He can threaten all he wants; I'm not scared of him. He can't control anyone like that, even if he thinks he can."

"It doesn't matter," Grace sighed, not really wanting to break Howie's optimistic core. He wasn't submersed in the constant darkness that Evan provided. He couldn't even begin to understand the horror that Evan could cause if he didn't get his way. The mere image Evan prompted of finding Kitra and Howie's heads severed had scared Grace horribly. She swallowed the cold lump in her throat, glancing down at her hands. "I shouldn't have been so ugly toward you after he left. I'm sorry for hurting you. I should have treated you with more respect... After all you've done for Kitra and me..."

"You don't have to be sorry--"

"Please, Howie... it takes a lot for me to do this... just accept my apology?"

"But you don't--"

"Stranger, please?" Grace whispered, her voice strained with obvious pain.

"Okay... okay, I do accept your apology. I wish I could understand what you're going through, but I don't."

“It’s okay, no one does," she answered meekly, resting her head gingerly on his shoulder.

"You could tell me," he offered, rubbing her back with gentle circles.

"It wouldn't change anything," Grace answered with a somewhat polite refusal. The soft lull of his hand against her back caused her eyes to slowly droop from sheer exhaustion. She curled closer to his body, nestling her head against his chest for further comfort. She had never been held while she slept, at least not since her mother died.

"I'm here whenever you think otherwise, alright?" Howie whispered into her soft curls, bringing her into his embrace.

"Alright..." she agreed, smiling softly at the warmth of her cheek against his bare chest. If she had ever had the chance to grow properly with love, Grace would have been extremely affectionate. She loved to play innocently, especially while she danced. Running her fingers against her customers to elicit moans of pleasure. Only, with Howie, it seemed far more special than any cheap dance. She could hear the soft, steady rhythm of his heart and it soothed her. For once.

"I'm just glad you're safe at home," he spoke after a few moments of a comfortable silence as he held her close. His hand went from rubbing her back up to playing with her curls and then down her back again.

"I worried you?" she guessed, attempting not to physically wince at the true relief coursing through his voice. She attempted not to comment on the 'home' comment, not wanting to completely spoil the mood. In actuality, it wasn't her home. Just as Kevin, Kitra, and Evan had stated - this was just a fantasy. It was Howie's home and when she got back to her feet, she'd be gone.

"Of course... I didn't know where you were or if you were okay--"

"I'm sorry that you worried about me, but you didn't have to," Grace interrupted, concentrating on the slowly burning embers of Howie's personal fire. She loved to watch the flames dancing, but now the coals were just burning a brilliant variety of reds and oranges. She didn't understand why Howie had been so worried about her. Kitra had been gone for how long, yet he hadn't voiced any opinion about her.

"But I was--"

"You should have been worried about Kit."

"Why?"

"Why wouldn't you?"

"She's with AJ... there's nothing to worry about because he knows what could happen if Kit got in trouble. She's fine," Howie replied, looking at the fire as well. "I didn't know where you were, but I knew where Kit was."

"Yeah..." Grace trailed, unbelieving of his explanation. If anything, he should have been more worried about Kitra because of the fact that she was with AJ and they both loved getting into trouble. That thought just caused her to remember the horrible fight she had gotten into with Kitra before leaving for Devil's Playground. It just didn't seem fair that Kitra was causing all this drama, because she wasn't just hurting herself, she was hurting Grace, too.

"What's on your mind, Race?"

"Nothing..."

"You sure?"

"Yeah," she promised, though she couldn't even begin to count the various ideas rebounding across her already aching brain. Evan's threats seemed to mix with Kevin's hatred, adding to the pressure of trying to keep Kitra safe. Not to mention the recurring nightmares of her jaded past that had surfaced sharper than before after Kevin's accusations. But, most importantly, were all the emotions bubbling over for Howie. She had ached to speak to Kitra about what she was feeling, because she had yet to identify any of the emotions. And the kisses they had shared last week were unbelievable. It just seemed to cause further confusion, though, especially since Howie wouldn't define anything anyway.

"So... what do you want to do?" he asked, pressing a few kisses to her temple and forehead. The fire had finally died and they were sitting in the soft glow of the moonlight through the bay window.

"I think I should let you get to bed..." she suggested after several moments of silence had lapsed. She suddenly felt guilty as she pulled away from his embrace, knowing she had violated about every portion of his personal space. She was practically on top of him, curled into his arms, hogging the bed. It was selfish.

"Why don't you stay with me tonight? We're already under the covers and everything," he suggested, trying not to frown at her pulling away.

"Excuse me?" she actually laughed.

"Stay here with me."

"In this bed? Together?"

"Yeah--"

"Together? You and me?" she repeated with bafflement.

"That's usually the definition of together..." he trailed off, raising an eyebrow.

"And what exactly do you plan on doing together in bed with me?" she questioned, hopping off the end of the bed. Only, she didn't stray too far, just to Howie's expensive dresser. She opened it to find her favorite old t-shirt of his that he loved to wear around the house on 'lazy days.' Smiling, she tossed it on the top and started to disrobe. She didn't consider it much of a problem as she removed her jeans to reveal her favorite Tinkerbell bikini underwear nor removing her top garments to darn Howie's.

"Sleeping?" he replied, trying not to let his jaw drop at the natural beauty of her body. He could see the faint scar along her ribcage once again, but knew better than to question it. Her soft skin glowed along with her golden ringlets, making the perfect image of an angel.

"Then why even insist that I stay here with you if all you plan on doing with me is sleeping?" Grace boldly asked, slipping Howie's shirt over her delicate body. It fell to accentuate her sweet curves, ending at the high part of her thigh. She then moved back toward the bed, actually taking the initiative to straddle Howie's lap as she waited for an answer, playing with his dark curls.

"Because I thought tomorrow night we could do something after I take you out to dinner," Howie replied, swallowing hard as he looked deep into her eyes. His heart pounded harder and he prayed she couldn't hear it.

"You do realize that you completely avoided my question about tonight by offering me the world for tomorrow night, right?" she groaned with a light roll of her dark emerald eyes.

"Is that a yes?" he smirked.

"I'd rather go back to my original question..."

"I would want that to be a mutual want... not just because you want to repay me or anything."

Grace studied his face for a few moments with an adorable confusion. "I just wanted to know why you wanted me to sleep next to you tonight..."

"Oh, you're something else," Howie laughed, his cheeks flushing a dark red. "I just wanted you laying with me tonight."

"Why, though?" she questioned like an innocent child, falling onto the free side of his large bed.

"Because I don't want to be lonely... and I know you'll give me sweet dreams," he replied honestly.

"Stranger," she sighed as if she wanted to groan, but a lovely smile graced her beautiful face.

"Just telling you the truth."

"Yeah, yeah... come on, if I'm going to give you sweet dreams then we've got to get to sleep."

"What about dinner tomorrow?"

"What about it?" she questioned, slipping underneath the covers that Howie had lifted for her. Instantly she was greeted by silk sheets, causing her to smile with appreciation at the cool softness it provided.

"Would you like to?"

"I would, but I can't."

"Oh..."

"Howie, no, it's not like that," Grace laughed softly, turning on her side to face him. "I promised the bartender at Devil's, Georgie, that I would baby-sit his kids tomorrow."

"Baby-sit?"

"Yeah," Grace confirmed. "He has four adorable little girls that drive him absolutely nuts. He's done so much for me since I've worked at Devil's... I offered my services so his wife wouldn't kill him and they immediately requested a tomorrow night gig. Otherwise, I would have loved to go to dinner with you, since I kind of owe you a date for the door or whatever, right?"

"You don't owe--"

"Or you could baby-sit with me. I don't think Georgie would mind and the girls would love you."

"What?"

Grace furled her light brows with confusion at his question, suddenly feeling insecure about herself. "You wanted to go on a date with me, right?"

"Of course--"

"Well, I'm making a pre-date with you. Unless you don't want to--"

"No!"

"No?"

"I mean, no I do want to. I would love to come and baby-sit with you tomorrow night."

"Are you sure?"

"More than anything."

"Good. You're going to need you rest, though. The girls will run you ragged," Grace kissed his cheek and immediately cuddled against his chest.
"Oh, really?" he laughed in surprise, welcoming how perfectly her body seemed to fit within his. Carefully, after pulling the covers higher over their bodies, Howie wrapped his arms around Grace's delicate body. The warmth invading him was beyond the greatest pleasure he had felt in this lifetime and he silently thanked God for urging her to cuddle with him.

"Yeah, and when they actually drop dead from exhaustion, I'll take you to a fancy dinner. Cold Domino's pizza on Georgie's porch with a baby monitor tucked at our side," Grace answered with an sleepy, impish grin.

"Sounds like the perfect pre-date," he smiled, kissing the top of her head as her eyes drooped close. "Goodnight, Race."

"Sweet dreams, Stranger..."

*~*~*

"So, are you going to tell me what's wrong or do I have to be disgusted with the fact that my awesome fuck job didn't put a smile on your face?" AJ questioned openly as he leaned over to nuzzle Kitra's bare neck before lighting a cigarette. Kitra had spent the last the last few days with him, only, the light in her eyes had been different. She seemed dampened, despite the amazing days and nights they had spent together. AJ had even spent several hundred dollars on her celebrate, perhaps cheer her up. It actually hurt his heart to see her so troubled, which was different for him.

"I'm sorry, Alex. Too much has been on my mind lately and that isn't fair to you," Kitra sighed, taking a cigarette out of her own pack and lighting up as well. She blew out a long stream of gray smoke, turning on her side to face him.

"What's wrong?" he asked sincerely, wrapping his free arm around her waist to pull her closer. Gently running his fingers through her flaxen blonde locks.
"Racie and I got into a big fight the last time I went back to Howie's... she wasn't happy to see that I started using again... and I said a lot of things that I shouldn't have," Kitra bit on her bottom lip, taking a long drag of her burning cigarette before placing her head on his bare chest.

"You really care for that brat, don't you?" AJ murmured, reaching for the ashtray to settle it beside him so they could flick their burning ashes into its pit. He didn't understand how Grace and Kitra had become friends anyway. They were so different. Grace was unable to seek adventure unless she was on a stage stripping off her clothing and living in a fantasy world with Howie. And Kitra was willing to risk it all with him, knowing exactly what living life had meant.

"Alex, if it wasn't for her... I would have been one of those prostitutes found dead in a garbage bin a long time ago. I love her like a sister and she means the world to me," Kitra confessed, ashing her cigarette before taking another drag.

"She's only holding you back, Kit. She's living in some ridiculous fantasy world with Howie and it's only going to bite her in the ass."

"I could ask you the same thing about Brian, Howie, Kevin and Nick. They only try to hold you back, so why are you still with them?" Kitra fired back.

"Because I make a hell'uva'lotta money with them."

"Well I stay with Racie because she's the only person in this damn town who gave two shits about me."

"She doesn't know how to live life and what does it matter to her if you enjoy a few good lines now and then?"

"I had a bad batch from Evan about a year ago... I almost died. Since then I promised her I would stop."

"My stuff is always clean."

"She just worries, Alex."

"I'm not going to let you get hurt, Kit."

"Yeah?" she looked up at him with her dark blue-gray eyes.

"Yeah," he confirmed, smashing his short cigarette into the ashtray. Shifting, he gently ran his thumb against her soft cheek which had just healed from Evan's assault. He honestly did care about Kitra. She was the first woman he had been with that actually listened to him. She enjoyed his company and he enjoyed spoiling her. She gave him satisfaction he had never felt before. "I care about you, Kit. It's not just the sex, alright? Though it fucking rocks."

"It is the best I've ever had," she confessed, feeling her cheeks blushing softly. Affection wasn't something she had grown up with and to have someone of the opposite sex say that he cared about her was new. "You really care about me?"

"Yeah, you're the second best woman in my life."

"No one goes before your mom..."

"Not in a million years."

"You're lucky to have her."

"Extremely."

"I can't even remember the last time I saw my mom."

"Why?"

"My step-dad made it Hell for me at home when I was growing up. He put me down, calling me names and sometimes hitting me. My mom didn't dare do anything, because he would hurt her if she did... so she pretended that everything was fucking peachy in our lives. I couldn't take it so when I was sixteen, I ran away and lived on the streets while still going to school," Kitra explained softly, taking one last hit off her cigarette before putting it out.

"Damn... I'm sorry, Kitra," AJ whistled softly with true awe, just staring down at the broken woman cuddled so perfectly to his chest. Gently, he rubbed her back like his mother used to do when he had a nightmare. It always seemed to soothe him. "Life was never meant to be fair, I guess..."

"No, it's not. Good thing I figured that out nice and early," Kitra sighed, her fingers playing along the slight six-pack that AJ had been working towards lately to get his mind off things. "At least I know who I really am thanks to him."

"You're a strong broad, Kit."

"Strong, stupid, useless, slutty... yeah, I guess."

"I never said that--"

"I know you didn't. That's who I am."

"No, it's not."

"Yes--"

"Kitra, no," AJ insisted, cupping her face. He brought her to straddle his lap, ensuring that she was watching his dark eyes. "You're not some piece of meat, okay? You're a woman with feelings, hopes, dreams, aspirations, and... Holy shit..."

"Holy shit?" Kitra asked softly, her long hair flowing down over her shoulder.

"Howie was right..." AJ murmured, releasing her face to rub his temples. Every other woman AJ had used had been for sex. It was just a simple act that caused AJ's body to release tension and wash over with pleasure. But Kitra was different. She gave him something else and AJ couldn't believe that Howie had actually been right. That these two women were more than just a cheap lay.

"Right about what? Alex, what's wrong?" Kitra leaned down and began rubbing his temples and forehead for him. "You can tell me."

"I think I need a drink..."

"No, you're not going to get wasted just so you don't have to talk to me," Kitra kept him pinned down to the bed with determination. "C'mon, Alex."

"I didn't want to take you girls to the hospital from the alleyway when we found you. I just thought you were cheap hookers who got what they deserved, alright?" AJ barked softly as he grasped Kitra by her upper arms, lifting her from his body. He tossed her toward the opposite side of the bed, reaching to pull on his boxers. "Howie bitched me out because I was selfish... And I was selfish... I didn't want to help you because you were just some whore on the street. A woman that any other day I would have just fucked and kicked out of my bed before daylight hit... But it's different now, okay?"

"You... you were going to leave us to die?" Kitra whispered, watching AJ stand up and pull out a bottle of tequila from his drawer.

"I didn't know you like I do now--"

"What does that matter?"

"I'm an asshole, okay?" AJ spoke frankly, leaning on his dresser as he took a long swallow from the small glass bottle. He made a face as the strong liquid burned his throat, but cleared the burn with another chug. "And I'm sorry."

"Alex..." Kitra sighed heavily, standing up from the bed and walking over to him. She took the bottle out of his hands and placed it on top of the dresser. "You're not an asshole."

"Could have fooled me--"

"Stop. You're not an asshole. If you were, would you care about me like you do?"

"You're special to me," he admitted, grasping her bare hips to pull her closer into his stance.

"You're special to me, too. And you're not an asshole," she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I'm sorry," he whispered into her fair locks and, for once, he meant it.

*~*~*

Love is like a bomb, baby, c'mon get it on / Livin' like a lover with a radar phone / Lookin' like a tramp, like a video vamp / Demolition woman, can I be your man? / Razzle 'n' a dazzle 'n' a flash a little light / Television lover, baby, go all night / Sometime, anytime, sugar me sweet / Little miss ah innocent sugar me, yeah

Grace grinned as she allowed her body to move to the saucy beats of the old hit song, unable to deny herself the pleasure. Howie was getting ready for dance rehearsal and Grace had an ache to cook. Knowing all the goodies Howie kept stored away in his kitchen, Grace had gathered the ingredients to make chocolate peanut butter chip cookies. They were her favorites, Kitra's favorite, too. And, whenever Grace was working, she needed music to entertain her. As much as she hated taking off her clothing, she still missed expressing her creativity on the stage of Devil's Playground. Dancing had been her life and music had been her escape from the hardships. She loved to express herself within her body's movement and the soulful melody of her voice. Dipping with the slow roll of her hips, she licked the spoon of chocolate before singing. "Pour some sugar on me / Ooh, in the name of love / Pour some sugar on me / C'mon fire me up / Pour your sugar on me / Oh, I can't get enough / I'm hot, sticky, sweet / From my head to my feet, yeah!"

Kitra walked into the house, for once cleaned up and sober as she heard AJ peel out of the driveway in order to make it to rehearsal himself. She had missed Grace and needed to make amends with her best friend. The sounds of Def Leppard echoed throughout the large house along with Grace's beautiful voice. She smiled and made her way towards the kitchen to watch. She loved it when Grace danced, it was like an Angel dancing in Heaven with the voice to match.

Grace was oblivious to the fact that she had an audience, too caught within her personal world of music to care. She used the kitchen like she used a stage, working her hips to the sultry beats as she bent down to pick up the towel that had fallen. She then worked with that like a harem dancer, her footwork fantastically clean and sharp. "You got the peaches, I got the cream / Sweet to taste, saccharine / 'Cos I'm hot, say what, sticky sweet / From my head, my head, to my feet / Do you take sugar? one lump or two?"

"Two," Kitra finally spoke as Grace began dancing to the guitar solo.

Grace glanced up from her beautiful world of dancing in obvious surprise, dropping the towel back to the floor. Her emerald eyes softened for a moment when she noticed the familiarity of Kitra's clear blue-gray eyes, but they immediately hardened into an emerald stone when she realized what had happened the last time Kitra disappeared. Grace's posture stiffened with hurt as she leaned to turn off the CD player, moving to stir the mixture again before dabbing cookies onto the greased sheet. "Come back to grab some more clothing before you leave again?"

"No, I came to apologize." Kitra wasn't surprised by Grace's greeting, knowing she had crossed the line with their last argument. "Racie, I said things I shouldn't have and you don't have to accept my--"

"Stranger! you're going to be seriously late again! It's dance rehearsal, so I doubt you have to be too concerned about apparel unless some cute dancer caught your eye!" Grace interrupted with a holler, licking her chocolate covered finger as she walked toward doorway connecting the kitchen and living room. She was honestly tired of Kitra's excuses and really wasn't in the mood to hear them.

"Racie! Damnit, wait a minute!" Kitra followed Grace and grabbed her arm. "I'm sorry, okay? I'm really sorry and there's nothing else I can say."

"Get off my arm," Grace warned, holding the messy chocolate spoon toward Kitra's face as if she might smack her with it.

"What else do you want me to do? I can't turn back time, you know! I can't wave my wand and make all the bad words between us disappear!" Kitra continued, still holding onto Grace's arm.

"It's not my fault that I live in a fantasy world where I hope for magic wands and princes on white horses," Grace sneered, ripping her arm away as she jogged toward the stairs. "Stranger!"

"GRACE! I lost my family, I don't want to lose you, too!" Kitra nearly screamed.

Grace planned to yell for Howie again, but Kitra's shrill screech caused her to stop. She shifted her eyes back to Kitra, just staring in disbelief. She was caving quickly and hated it. "It's not my fault that you fucked up again, Kitra. Don't you dare make me feel guilty for being mad."

"You won't even hear me out, I've been trying to apologize!"

"What makes this I'm sorry so different, Kit? I'm sorry for using all our money to buy drugs. I'm sorry that I'm asking you to help me work the corner. I'm sorry that Evan is after you because I can't pay. I'm sorry I used again. I'm sorry I OD'ed. I'm sorry I hurt you. When does it stop, Kit?"

"It stops now. I'm not going to hurt you again, because when I hurt you, I hurt myself. It's not fair to either of us, alright? You've been there for me when no one else has and I've been an asshole, taking advantage of it. God, you're my best friend and my sister. I love you and I'm sorry," Kitra whispered, looking down at her hands. She was truly sorry from the depths of her heart.

"You're damn right you've been an asshole... Probably a hairy nut-sack on top of an asshole..."

"I'm anything you want to call me, Racie. I deserve it."

"You deserve it, but I'm not going to drop to that level."

"I really am sorry."

"...Fine..."

"Yeah?"

"I don't know why, but... yeah."

"Here, let me make it up to you. We'll go out tomorrow night for dinner and dancing," Kitra offered, looking back up at Grace.

"Excuse me?" Grace questioned in confusion, wiping some of the chocolate from the back of her spoon to taste.

"Dinner and dancing tomorrow. You, me, Howie and Alex. I know how much you love dancing, Racie. It's my treat."

"I can't tomorrow."

"Why?"

"I'm babysitting for Georgie."

"Oh. Damn... what about the next night?"

"I guess that's fine, but Howie's not going to want to go--"

"Not wanting to go where?" Howie asked as he descended the stairs.

"Now you answer me? What the Hell happened to your voice fifteen minutes ago?" Grace groaned, glancing up to see Howie dressed in a fresh white tank top and baggy track pants. Grace admitted he looked overly handsome in the simplistic outfit, the fine definition of his gorgeous body outlined by the clothing. But she brushed those thoughts away, remembering what Kitra was asking. Not that she would ever turn down dancing, but she wasn't sure she wanted to go dancing with AJ... Because Nick was bound to follow... And then Kitra would start drinking...

"It was in the bathroom? What's going on?" Howie questioned in confusion, glancing at Kitra and then back at Grace.

"Alex and I wanted you two to come out dancing with us in two nights. We're taking the VIP lounge upstairs and having dinner. It's going to be really fantastic. Nick and Brian said they might end up coming, too. But Racie seems to think that you won't want to come..." Kitra trailed, glancing to Howie for confirmation.

"You're going to be really late, Howie," Grace interjected, attempting to sway the conversation elsewhere. "You should get going."

"Wouldn't you want go dancing with Grace?" Kitra immediately fired back, refusing to let this argument be passed away. She wanted to treat Grace to a beautiful night out. And, the only time Grace really seemed to be truly happy was when she was dancing.

"Well yeah, but--"

"Kit, he's going to be late."

"Grace, just stop," Kitra groaned, cupping a hand over her friend's mouth. She glanced back toward Howie with her blue-gray eyes glistening. "Howie, can we count on you to come with us? It'll be a good start for a first date with you two."

"I would love to go if Grace does... but can we count Nick out? Brian can bring Leighanne, but... I can see myself flipping out on Nick."

"Why?"

"Because of how he acts around Grace."

"Oh..." Kitra clicked her tongue with remembrance as she glanced to Grace. "Nick doesn't have to come. Okay, Racie?"

"Whatever you want to do, I guess," Grace sighed.

"Don't you want to go dancing?"

"Well, yeah, of course--"

"Then be more excited about it, because we'll have tons of fun!"

"Okay," Grace groaned, unable to hold a laugh as Kitra excitedly kissed her cheek and bounced into the kitchen for some chocolate goodies. Grace gently rolled her eyes as she glanced toward Howie. "You really want to go dancing?"

"Yeah, I really want to go dancing. Especially with you," Howie brought her close to him for a gentle but deep kiss. "Leave me some cookies to snack on when I get back from rehearsal?"

"After burning all those calories you're going to stuff your face with overly fattening cookies?" she teased, holding up her index finger coated in chocolate.

"Only because you made them," he answered, leaning down to slowly lick the chocolate off her finger.

"Oh God," Grace actually wheezed as his tongue curled around her finger, sucking gently. Her entire body warmed within the spark of sensation, sending signals of ecstasy toward parts of her that she thought died long ago.

"Mmm... I'll see you in a couple of hours," he kissed her again before walking down the rest of the stairs and out the door.

"I definitely need to get a vibrator," Grace whispered as she collapsed onto the steps with a shiver of delight when he left.

"Ooh, what was that about?" Kitra poked her head out of the kitchen, her mouth full of cookie.

"What was what?" Grace questioned, playing dumb as she wrapped her arms around herself. She had never felt so sexually stirred before in her life. After all the abuse, Grace had been completely turned away from sex. But lying with Howie in bed the previous night and him sucking on her finger did wild things with her imagination and heart.

"The blonde act doesn't work on me. I saw what Howie did to your finger and may I just say one word? Da-mn!"

"Shut up, Kit," Grace grimaced, covering her blushing face with her hand.
"Racie and Howie, sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby--"

"THAT'S IT!" Grace growled, jumping up from the steps. Without warning, she tackled her older friend to the floor. She prepared to tickle her sides, but remembered she had the chocolate mess on her spoon still. She grinned wickedly. "I want to finger paint the Kitty!"

Chapter 11 – He Heard Every Word

"First off, you definitely shouldn't let me drive your expensive sports cars," Grace announced as she hopped out of the drive's side of Howie's expensive corvette, grinning with an impish delight. Since Howie didn't know the exact location of George's house, he had decided to just let Grace drive. Only, he didn't know how she was behind the wheel. She was a maniac when it came to driving, especially when the car had enough power to do something crazy in. Howie looked quite pale as he stumbled out of the passenger side, reaching for the keys. "You okay?"

"Once I get my stomach back at the house... sure," Howie gulped, taking the keys and pushing them into his khaki pocket.

"You sure you don't want to just drive yourself back home?" Grace laughed softly, reaching underneath his shirt to tenderly caress his rippled abdomen. "George can give me a lift home after I'm done--"

"No, no. I'll be fine."

"Are you acting a little jealous, Mr. Dorough?"

"Jealous of what?"

"You seemed pretty adamant about driving me home instead of Georgie."

"So--"

"Are you?"

"Maybe--"

"He's married and honestly considers me to be his oldest daughter, so I doubt you have much to worry about. Or much to really be jealous over," Grace interrupted, starting up the cracked sidewalk to the somewhat large house, though it was nothing compared to Howie's home. "Not that I understand why'd you'd be jealous in the first place."

"Because I care about you and jealousy is a natural emotion?" Howie replied, walking beside her as they reached the heavy oak door.

"A protective emotion to stake claim on something you own," Grace countered, unable to stop thinking what exactly he meant by 'caring.' She had been watching romance movies with Kitra since the previous night and jealousy only seemed to come into play with love. But Grace didn't believe in love, so...

"I don't own you--"

"Gracie! Gracie! Daddy! Gracie’s here!" a small voice interrupted Howie as the door opened.

"Hey, JJ!" Grace immediately cooed, bending down just in time for a bright six year old to leap into her embrace. She picked the small girl up with ease, layering her chubby cheeks with sweet kisses as her light brown locks flew from the rocking motion. The little girl giggled with obvious delight, jumping down from Grace's embrace so she could scurry upstairs to tell her sisters about their babysitter's arrival.

"Thank God!" Rachel, George's wife, breathed with happiness, hurriedly walking over to Grace to deliver a chunky, blue eyed, brown haired, one year old into Grace's arms. She then leaned to kiss Grace on the cheek, glancing in the mirror to check her reflection. "You are such an angel, Gracie."

"I know," Grace promised with a laugh, wrinkling her nose at the toddler in her arms as the little girl squealed with delight. "Hi, Emily!"

"Wacie! Hi!" Emily gurgled, patting her small hands onto Grace's cheeks before looking over at Howie. "Who dat?"

"Don't tell me our eldest daughter finally got a boyfriend," Rachel laughed, clicking her tongue with approval as she glanced toward Howie. "Does Daddy know about this, Gracie?"

"He's my friend, Rach," Grace sighed with a sweet blush.

"I'm Howie Dorough. I hope you don't mind that I'm here to baby-sit with Grace," Howie stepped forward and held a hand out to the older woman.

"I don't mind at all, I think it's about time little Gracie got herself a boyfriend," Rachel laughed, reaching to shake his hand. "It's Big Poppa you have to worry about."

"Big Poppa...?"

"That'd be me," George answered as he lumbered down the stairs with another child perched in his arms. The little three year old girl named Laura with dark brown curls and light blue eyes immediately squirmed in her father's embrace when she realized Emily was being held by Grace. He chuckled as he let her down; allowing her to go barreling into Grace's other arm. "These girls certainly love their big sister... But who are you?"

"I'm Howie Dorough. You must be George. It's nice to meet you," Howie held his hand out to George next.

"One of McLean's friends?" George guessed, vaguely remembering him from his first time at Devil's Playground. He only remembered him however because he recalled how Grace had practically fawned over him before leaving that night. She explained he was a sweet gentleman with an adorable disposition. George knew how hard Grace was on men to begin with, so he seemed okay.

"Yeah--"

"What are you doing with Gracie?" George immediately questioned, never bothering to give him time to finish his first answer. He crossed his arms over his burly chest, causing Rachel to muffle a laugh as she motioned for Grace.

"She asked if I wanted to come baby-sit with her tonight so I said yes--"

"No, I want to know what you got planned."

"Excuse me?" Howie asked as he started to pale.

"What do you have planned for Gracie? What are your intentions? Because more than half the men I throw out of Devil's in the first five minutes of visiting had less than dishonorable intentions for my pride and joy right there."

"I, um, I have nothing dishonorable planned. I just want to get to know her and uh, oh God... please don't break me like a twig. I like Grace because of her beauty and personality and--"

"Papi," Grace interrupted, nudging the man with her hip as the two girls hugged close to her. "Howie is just my friend."

"Is that just what you are?" George fired back to Howie.

"Yes, s-sir. Please don't hurt me--"

"You big grizzly bear! Stop tormenting the boy and go start the car," Rachel scorned, pushing her husband out as he pecked kisses to the girls' heads. Once he was cleared from the doorway, Rachel smiled apologetically at Howie.
"He's quite protective of our Gracie... And, don't let her kid you about that friend nonsense. She deserves a good man."

"You can leave now, Rach. Thanks for the help," Grace gritted as she bumped Rachel with her other hip.

"You're welcome, Sweetheart," Rachel laughed, winking toward Howie. "There's virgin strawberry daq's that George just whipped up for you in the kitchen you force the rugrats to bed!"

"Bye, Rach," Grace called, unable to stop the rosy blush on her cheeks as she glanced to Howie. "Please don't listen to what she said--"

"Oh, I heard every single word," Howie grinned as the girl called JJ tugged on his pants. He looked down and smiled. "Yes, Sweetheart?"

"You better be nice to Gracie. I can beat you up! Daddy taught me."

"What makes you think I wouldn't be nice to Gracie?" Howie questioned in awe, leaning down to meet the six year old.

"Lots of men are meanies."

"Ain't that the truth," Grace breathed as Emily and Laura giggled in her arms. She blew raspberries to both their cheeks, fully intent on going into the living room until the eldest daughter bellowed. Grace glanced up toward the stairs with a laugh as twelve year old Zoey came running, a barrel of pre-teenage frustrations.

"Gracie! Thank God you're here! I want to make the dance team and try outs are tomorrow and my routine completely sucks and I completely need you to help me so I can win and shove it down Brittany Murphy's throat that I got taught by the best dancer ever--"

"How about a hello, Gracie, I missed you?" Grace interrupted with an amused laugh, arching her light brows toward the young girl.

"Hello, Gracie. I missed you," Zoey replied and then repeated what she said. "I want to make the dance team and try outs are tomorrow and my routine completely sucks and I completely need you to help me so I can win and shove it down Brittany Murphy's throat that I got taught by the best dancer ever

"Glad to know I'm loved," Grace groaned, kissing the young girl's forehead.

"Does that mean yes?"

"After I get your little sisters some snacks--"

"What's a Backstreet Boy doing in our house?" Zoey immediately questioned, glancing toward Howie in shock.

"He's my date," Grace teased.

"What? How come you get a Backstreet Boy as a date and I don't?! You know that Brian is my favorite--"

"Ouch," Howie winced, holding his heart as if it had broke.

"No offense!" Zoey blurted, but quickly glanced back to Grace. "Where did you meet him Gracie?!"

"Dancing..."

"Wow!" Zoey gushed as Grace carried Emily and Laura into the kitchen for a snack. She reached down to pick up JJ into her arms, just fawning over Howie for a moment. "Are you taking Gracie on tour with you? Because she's a great dancer. One of the best."

"I'll have to talk to Grace about it. We could always use more dance troupe members," Howie nodded, cupping her chin for a moment with a smile. "She's really good?"

"Awesome!"

"Since you're doing me such a big favor with Grace being a dancer... I'll talk to Brian and see if we can go on a double date... how does that sound?"
Zoey's green eyes widened in shock. "Are you serious?"

"Dead serious."

"How am I helping you with Gracie though?"

"Because I really think I can get her into the dance troupe... but I need your help convincing her."

"She's never had a big break like that before... She dances at the bar Daddy works at and she's so pretty... But no one gives her a chance... So Daddy says we have to love her extra... She's so great..." Zoey trailed thoughtfully as JJ whispered in her ear. Her lips curved into a smile as she glanced to Howie. "Are you two really dating?"

"No, not yet... but I really want to. I like her a lot."

"But she said that you were--"

"Okay!" Grace announced, walking back from the kitchen and into the living room. She settled both toddlers onto the floor before reaching to grasp the plates she was balancing on her head. "I've got Peanut Butter Captain Crunch for my Em-Doodle, plain Oreos with milk for my Laurie, chocolate Oreos with chocolate milk for my JJ, and... I need a song to dance to for you, Zoe."

"Yay!" Emily, Laura and JJ clapped their hands and began munching on their snacks.

"What's the song, Zoe?"

"Any song we want," Zoey answered, moving toward the large CD collection in the living room. A sly smirk formed on her face as she retrieved the Backstreet Boys' newest album - Black and Blue. "How about Shining Star? Howie helped write that..."

"Then Howie can help you with dance moves straight from their brand new tour, too!" Grace exclaimed with a cheerful sarcasm, collapsing on the floor next to Emily as the little girl fed her some Peanut Butter Captain Crunch.

"Nuh-uh! No offense Howie, but I need Gracie to dance," Zoey apologized, glaring at Grace. "Come on, you promised!"

"I am not dancing to Howie's music in front of Howie. No way--"

"Why not?"

"Because that's embarrassing!" Grace laughed as Zoey tugged on the bottoms of her flared hip huggers, dragging her into the middle of the large living room. "You're giving me a serious wedgie, Zoe!"

"Then you can dance it out! Dance, please!" Zoey begged, running to turn on the stereo and pressing forward to Shining Star.

"Aren't you going to object to this for me?" Grace sighed as Zoey pulled her to her feet. She jumped a little bit to situation her jeans back onto the tops of her hips, wiggling with obvious discomfort. The three little girls giggled in amusement as Grace blushed toward Howie, praying for it to be some other way.

"I can't deny the girls anything. They want to see you dance and so do I," Howie shrugged innocently with a smirk.

"I hate you, just so you know that," Grace scowled as she wrinkled her nose with distaste.

"No, you don't."

"Yes, I--"

"Gracie, it's starting!"

"You just want to follow my lead?" Grace sighed, glancing down to the energetic girl.

"Uh-huh!"

"Dance, Gracie! Dance, Zoey!" Emily grinned as she bounced in Howie's lap.

"You girls are evil incarnate," Grace breathed as she listened to the saucy introduction to the song. She closed her eyes to find her center, just like she did when she stepped onto Devil's stage. When she found her center, she could dance in front of anyone. She just imagined she was on an empty stage of some large Broadway show, dancing for her own amusements. And, that's when her dancing turned to gold. Sure enough, she led herself into following the music, throwing a variety of flavors into each simplified step so Zoey could follow. It was fun and carefree, allowing Grace to smile with amusement as she enjoyed herself. Nothing sexual projected, except when Grace slowly rolled her hips before speeding them to the rhythm of the song because Zoey loved it. Her dance was precise and clean, not a flaw in her physique nor her beauty. And, she called deep to Howie's heart with her dance steps and further more to his manhood as his body heated.

"Holy... she would be perfect on the tour..." Howie trailed off as the girls clapped their hands and sang with the song. "She's amazing."

"Gracie's pretty, huh?" JJ announced from her spot beside Howie on the couch. She grinned with appreciation as Grace did the seductive roll of her hips again to get Zoey to laugh.

"Gracie's very pretty. Do you think she would like to dance with me and the boys on tour, JJ?"

"Gracie loves to dance all the time!"

"Then she's perfect for the troupe," Howie chuckled, kissing JJ's cheek.

"Do you love Gracie?" JJ questioned as the song was played again for Zoey to learn the steps.

"Yes... yes, I do love her. But we can't tell her yet, okay? It's hard for Gracie to believe that I could love her," Howie whispered into her ear.

"Why?"

"Lots of men hurt her before, so she's scared to love."

"Poor--"

"Gracie, you're insane!" Zoey interrupted with a shriek of laughter, pushing Grace away.

"C'mon! All I'm saying is that if you blow all the moves... All you have to do to make sure you win is, walk up to the Captain of the Football team, shake your hips, and slip your digits!" Grace continued to tease, demonstrating as she stepped up toward Zoey and swayed her hips from side to side against her until Zoey started laughing hysterically again. "Then you'll get a cute boyfriend, too!"

"You're still insane!" Zoey fell onto the soft carpet, still laughing as Grace continued to dance.

"Why? Do you think he's a butt man? Because you can so just back your butt right up into him," Grace continued, demonstrating above Zoey until the girl yanked down her jeans. Grace glanced down in surprise as the girls burst into fits of giggles. "But if he does that you're definitely going to have to tell Papi..."

"Fairies!" Emily giggled, pointing at Grace's printed underwear.

"Are they pretty faeries?" Grace laughed as she reached to pluck Emily from Howie's grasp despite her fallen jeans, blowing a raspberry on the little girl's stomach.

"Pretty like Wacie! Want them!" Emily giggled hysterically.

"You are not getting my underwear, little one!" Grace laughed softly, blowing another raspberry as Zoey lifted the jeans to offer them toward Grace. She accepted them as Zoey traded items, taking the girls to find a DVD to settle them down. Grace blushed furiously as she reached to step into them, noticing Howie watch her. "Just what you wanted to see, huh?"

"I don't mind seeing them," Howie chuckled, loving how cute she looked blushing.

"I don't know whether or not to question why..." Grace answered, only seeming to add a darker blush to her cheeks.

"Because you look adorable."

"Not many men would say a woman looked adorable when she was flashing them her underwear," Grace groaned, buttoning the fly of her jeans before seating herself on the couch.

"Do many women still wear fairy underwear?" Howie retorted.

"Can many women still fit their spectacular asses into fairy underwear?" Grace quipped back.

"Mmm... no, definitely not--"

"Were you two going to kiss?" JJ suddenly intervened as the cluster of girls scrambled back in bedtime clothing with a DVD that Zoey was preparing.

"Did you want us to kiss, JJ?" Grace questioned with another blush, pulling herself away from Howie, unable to remember how she had gotten so close.

"Don't people who like each other kiss?"

"I suppose so..." Grace agreed.

"You and Howie like each other."

"As friends--"

"Nuh-uh! You like him more."

"And how are you so sure?"

"Because I'm smart!"

"Combined with a word that Daddy doesn't let me say," Zoey muttered.

" 'Iss, Racie," Laura agreed, ignoring her older sister as she climbed onto the couch.

"You girls drive me crazy," Grace groaned in embarrassment.

"But you do like Howie a lot," JJ protested.

"Maybe I didn't want him to know that, how 'bout it?" Grace softly murmured, though Howie could hear every word.

"Maybe I want to know," Howie whispered into Grace's ear.

"Stranger..." Grace trailed, trying to avoid contact as her body tensed and she blushed dramatically.

"I like you too, you know. A lot... More than you know," Howie cupped her chin and made her look into his eyes.

"I didn't know," she answered softly, biting down on her bottom lip. She always seemed to get lost within the beautiful darkness of his eyes. And she never seemed to want to be found, either.

"I think I love you," he leaned in and pressed their lips together for a soft kiss.

"They're like Barbie and Ken!" JJ giggled as the girls clapped their hands in delight.

*~*~*

"I have never seen anyone sink a basket against 'Rok... Much less a hot ass chick..." AJ murmured in surprised honesty as he watched Grace and Brian entertaining themselves with a playful game of basketball. Usually Brian was quite competitive with the game, but Grace's impish playfulness had caused him to joke around with heavy laughter. He had invited the entire group over for a weekend party of sorts and everyone but Kevin had shown. Not that it had surprised AJ. Kevin had been furious with the entire group for months now, not that he truly cared. In fact, for once, AJ really didn't care about the hassles of life. He was completely content as he lounged by Brian's pool, Kitra's skimpy bikini clad body tucked neatly against his side in a lounge chair with Howie sitting off to his side, watching Grace like a hawk. Nick was lurking around somewhere waiting for the pizza, though AJ assumed he was hunting Grace more so than he was hunting food... For once...

"Ahem, that's my best friend you're talking about," Kitra laughed, poking AJ in the ribs. She shouted a cheer towards Grace, who grinned and continued to play. "She played basketball in high school."

"She's still a chick," AJ explained with a saucy smile, leaning over her sultry body to plant a long kiss against her lips. His hands traced down the curvature of her body, feeling his own flame with excitement. Her black bikini barely left anything to his imagination and AJ was just aching to take her into Brian's guest room, but he figured they should spend a little bit more time with the group before that.

"You're lucky I like you," Kitra rolled her eyes, playing with the soft spikes of AJ's hair. "But yeah, she doesn't seem like the sporty girl sometimes... but she really is--"

"I GOT IT!" Grace suddenly hollered, causing the couple's attention to follow that of Howie's attention. Sure enough, Grace was racing after the ball after she had managed to slam it from Brian's hands. It was nearing the out of bound territory quickly, which was next to the in ground pool. Brian was terrorizing Grace that she would miss and out of no where, she recovered the ball, and heaved it toward the net. Sure enough, as the ball propelled directly into the net, Grace fell backward into the deep end of the pool. Only, she surfaced just as quickly, sputtering as she wiped the wet curls from her eyes. She glanced to Brian with anticipation. "DID I MAKE IT?!"

"You lucky little... yeah, you made it," Brian groaned playfully as the three audience members clapped and hooted for Grace.

"God that was fantastic!" Grace breathed with triumph as she dunked herself beneath the water to brush her soaked curls away from her face. "I think I broke my ass on the water, but God that was awesome!"

"Go, Racie! Go, Racie! You can now say you have beaten Brian "B-Rok" Littrell in basketball!" Kitra grinned as Grace pulled herself out of the pool.

"By the grace of God!" Brian defended himself. "'Cause the sun was in my eyes!"

"You are so full of--" Grace's thoughts trailed as a hand was offered toward her. She fell back into the water in surprise, surfacing to see Nick standing above her. She sighed as she reached to grasp his hand, allowing him to help her out of the water. "Thanks, Nick."

"Anytime..."

"Uh-oh, here comes the trouble," Kitra whispered into AJ's ear as they watched Howie's eyes narrow.

"Howie, you could have helped her out of the water just the same," AJ was quick to comment as he watched Nick's arms circle around Grace's waist to steady her. She looked quite tense in his arms as he bent to whisper something in her ear, causing her to force some kind of smile.

“Shut up, J."

"But--"

"You just like stirring a rise out of Howie. Be nice," Kitra chided, raising her eyebrows as Howie stood up and walked over to Nick who was now attempting to fondle Grace. "Oh, no..."

"Nick, honestly, I can undress myself," Grace sighed with obvious aggravation as the overbearing man lifted her sopping wet tank top away from her sleek body. He grinned with delight to reveal her purple handkerchief print halter band bikini top that tied along her neck and back. It scooped low to reveal an ample amount of cleavage and much of her body, including the faded scar along the right side of her ribcage. That's why she had just wanted to wear her top for the majority of the time, especially since Howie's startling confession with George's girls. But, everything seemed to be falling apart as Nick's hands slipped secretively inside her soaked shorts to lower them, groping delicate regions that he had been so inclined to view at Devil's. And, she was somewhat powerless to stop him, not wanting to make waves with Howie's friends again.

"Mmm... I don't care--"

"Did you not hear what she said, dickhead? You don't need to help her undress and stop fucking fondling her," Howie growled, pulling Nick away from Grace and pushing him into the pool.

Grace's peaches and cream complexion grew a dusky pale as she turned toward Howie, stumbling back when he yanked Nick's grip away. She half expected his flattened hand to reach out and strike her just the same. "Howie--"

"I know you don't want to make anyone angry, but if you don't like Nick touching you, tell him to stop. If he doesn't, I give you full permission to punch him," Howie interrupted, cupping her cheeks and brushing his lips against hers.

"Don't..." she whispered in surprise, blinking heavily to avoid the heavy batch of tears threatening to spill as Howie's lips pressed lightly to her own. She had never had a man defend her with such veracity and he scared her tremendously. Especially when she considered her sleepless night after Howie had murmured that he thought he loved her. Nothing seemed to make sense anymore, especially as he held her trembling body close to his own, completely immune to the wild curses erupting from Nick alongside the pool. "He was used to do it at the club... You can't expect him to just..."

"I can and I am. You're not at the club and he can't touch you like that if you don't want it," Howie placed his forehead against hers, reaching up to wipe away a tear that fell. "Why are you crying, Baby?"

"I'm not," she lied, biting down hard on her bottom lip. She felt so uncomfortable in this situation, knowing that everyone was probably watching. She couldn't even begin to imagine the thoughts running through the guys' minds as they watched their golden hearted friend act romantically with a dead-beat stripper. Not to mention what was racing through Kitra's mind as she watched Grace crumble in the hands of a man, which she swore she'd never let happen. "It's just the water droplets from my hair, I guess."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I don't cry--"

"Howie! You fucking asshole, I had my clothes on!" Nick interrupted, finally getting out of the pool.

"And so did Grace until you fucking decided it was your God-given right to rip them off her like a fucking pervert--"

"Nick! Over here! Now!" Kevin's voice suddenly barked out of no where, causing Kitra and AJ's jaws to drop in morbid shock. It seemed the eldest man had seen everything though he was no where in sight, grasping at Nick's neck to yank him out of view before he could descend down on Howie and Grace like a plague.

"Holy shit..." Grace whispered, untangling herself from Howie's embrace. "I better go get my clothes hung up or something..."

"I'll go with you. I don't trust those two," Howie replied, following Grace into the house.

"So much for a great get together to celebrate the upcoming tour," Brian sighed as he jogged over to the lounge area where AJ and Kitra lay as still as possible. He motioned to get their attention, but Grace and Howie appeared as quickly as they had left. Brian smiled toward Grace as he offered her a seat on his lounge chair. "I'm sorry about Nick, Gracie."

"It's okay," she promised, shrugging her bare shoulders as if she were unfazed. "You're just lucky that our game got called off on a count of bloodshed."

"Yeah... sorry about that, too. It's been a long time since Kevin has yelled like that," Brian apologized for his cousin's behavior as Grace sat next to him. “And who says you would have won?"

"Did you not see that amazing-nothing-but-net-end-of-the-match hoop that I did from the sidelines before plunging into your pool?" Grace exclaimed with a sweet smile, nudging Brian's shoulder. She was somewhat thankful to get away from Howie's close proximity, his vibes highly confusing her. So, instead, she focused on Brian.

"That was pure luck!"

"That was pure talent!"

"Luck!"

"Talent!"

"Luck!"

"Talent!"

"Luck--"

"Do they remind you of twins or what?" AJ groaned, tossing the freshly cut lemon from his drink at the bickering blondes.

"Yes and it's scary," Kitra agreed burying her face into his bare chest.
"They probably even make more sense together than her and D," AJ chuckled as he rubbed Kitra's bare back, grinning apologetically as Howie frowned. "It's not my fault she's pulling away from you, man."

"It's not anyone's fault. Racie pulls away when she's confused about something and you're definitely something she's confused about."

"Why is she confused?" Howie sighed heavily, glancing toward Brian and Grace who seemed so cozy together in public. It burned his soul that Grace only became comfortable with him in the darkest of privacy. And, even then, lately, she had become jumpy. She was hiding something from him and it hurt.

"No one has ever had true feelings for her before. It's scary and she doesn't know how to handle it all with her feeling for you, too. I don't know how many times she told me that love doesn't exist..."
Howie wanted to continue to seek answers from Kitra, who looked eager to tell him the secrets Grace kept locked away. But, Kevin's reappearance and his request to speak to both Howie and Grace caused a deadlock. Immediately, AJ rolled over top of Kitra and brushed his lips roughly against hers. "Let's go inside and play, Kit."

"Okay," Kitra quickly agreed. She felt bad about leaving Howie and Grace within the wrath of Kevin, but he scared her too much to say anything else.
Grace frowned as Brian excused himself from the patio, hurrying to catch Nick before he scorched out of the driveway. She could only remember the disgusted contempt Kevin held for her in the beginning. She couldn't even imagine what he was going to say now. But she truly didn't care; tired of having to defend herself for something she wasn't even sure existed. "I'm sorry about Nick, it's my fault he got thrown into the pool--"

"It was his own fault because he shouldn't have been touching you like that if it was something you didn't want. I gave him a good whack upside the head and lecture for that. He won't be doing that again," Kevin interrupted softly.

Grace's emerald eyes naturally narrowed in confusion as her nose wrinkled with an adorable distaste. "Excuse me?"

"Nick won't bother you anymore."

"Why?"

"Because you're a young woman who deserves to be treated with respect... From every single one of us in this group... Your fireball of words gave me a lot to think about the other night... And, I'm sorry that I stereotyped you before giving you a chance. That was extremely poor judgment on my part and my mother would absolutely burn me alive if she knew I treated a southern lady with that much hostility. If anything, I really do welcome your relationship with Howie and I hope you can forgive me..."

"I don't have any kind of relationship with Howie--"

"You don't?" Howie interrupted.

Grace glanced toward Howie as her cheeks tinged pink with discomfort. "We're friends--"

"Friends who kiss each other?"

"I guess--"

"No. I want to be more than that."

"Stranger, please don't--"

"Grace, I like you. A lot. I know you like me, at least, or else you wouldn't let me kiss you. Can't I just have a chance to prove how happy I can make you?"

"He's one of the best guys you're ever going to find, Grace," Kevin volunteered, deciding he should help his good friend in obtaining some kind of happiness.

"I really don't want to talk about this in front of--"

"I'll leave as long as I know I have your forgiveness?"

"Sure, but--"

"Howie will make you very happy. Give him a chance," Kevin interrupted before walking into the house.

"Who the Hell attached a blood sucking leech to his brain that changed his personality?" Grace attempted to joke as she was left alone with Howie, but the seriousness in his dark eyes caused her to somber greatly.

"I want us to be together, Grace..."

Grace apprehensively wetted her bottom lip, confused at what Howie was asking. They had been together constantly as the weeks passed. He was free to do what he wanted with her, probably more than what he wanted if he'd just ask. The powerful emotions rushing over Grace were unimaginable, especially in her perspective, since she couldn't identify a single one. "Howie... What more could you want? I'm temporarily living at your house... I slept in your bed for the past two nights... Whenever we're alone at night, I let you hold me... You kiss me whenever you want... I mean, we are together..."

"I don't want you as a friend where we can cuddle and kiss and everything. I want you to be my girlfriend. I want to take you out on dates with dinner and dancing... walking along the beach at night... telling you how much you mean to me randomly and seeing you smile--"

"You do that, too--"

"I want you to be my girlfriend. Not just my friend who's a girl."

Grace laughed nervously. "I've never dated in my life..."

"Then I would love to be your first."

"Howie--"

"Grace, please give me a chance."

"I..." Grace folded her arms gingerly across her chest, not knowing exactly what to say. She had never believed in dating or love, much less the idea that a man could honestly been interested in anything but her body. And, Howie scared her more so than anything. She was afraid because she felt so much for him. "...I really don't know, Stranger..."

"If I can prove to you that I'm sincere about all this... you won't regret it, I promise."

"Can I think about it?"

"If you really think about it... yes."

"I'll really think about it," she promised, drawing a cross over her heart.

"Then that's all I can ask," he leaned forward and kissed her cheek. "Thank you."

*~*~*

"Kitra! Hey! Get the Hell off me!" Grace squawked in surprise as she was tackled by her friend in the hallway. Before she could make heads or tails of the situation, Grace was pitched inside Kitra's bedroom and tackled onto the bed. There was a flurry of clothing and Grace was stripped of everything before getting tickled. She shrieked with laughter as she scrambled away from Kitra's hands, staring down at her string bikini briefs and elegant bra, watching Kitra pitch her favorite jeans and tank top into the hallway. There was a brief air of annoyance, crossing her arms tightly across her chest. She had just dressed for their night out, but obviously not to Kitra's liking. "What the Hell is wrong with you?! I was comfortable!"

"We're going out tonight!" Kitra fired back with a laugh, rolling her eyes.
"I was ready!"

"We're going to a ritzy restaurant and you were going to wear that... that... abomination? Haven't I taught you anything?!"

"You've taught me how to tackle someone and get strip them of every item of clothing in ten seconds flat!" Grace attempted to growl.

"It'll be useful for Howie--"

"Kit!"

"You're not wearing jeans and a tank top to L'Rouge, that's final."

"I don't have anything else!" Grace attempted to dissuade until Kitra pushed her out into the hallway. She yelped in shock when she realized she was in her underwear as she attempted to turn and dive back into Kitra's room, but the older girl was standing in front of her closed door. She immediately arched her brows with amusement and Grace wrinkled her nose with distaste. "I don't care that I'm standing out here in my underwear, Kit. I'm wearing what I want to wear, I'm not a toddler!"

"You won't be allowed into the restaurant wearing that outfit. I know Howie bought you some nice clothes and that's what you're going to wear," Kitra pushed Grace down the hall towards her own room.

"I'm like his damn Barbie doll," Grace scoffed as she stumbled into her bedroom, immediately flopping down onto her bed. She grabbed the large pillow and hugged it to her chest, falling backward. She had honestly been in an emotional stir since Howie suggested they become an item. If anything, she knew she was probably setting herself up to fail with wearing her comfortable clothing. She didn't deserve him.

"Bullshit," Kitra sang as she walked into the large closet, shifting through Grace's new wardrobe. "You're just scared because Howie likes you and you're letting your mind take over your heart."

"Kitra, shut up."

"You know I'm speaking the truth."

"Howie doesn't--"

"Doesn't like you? Then why does he want to be your boyfriend? He's not like AJ; he doesn't want a friends’ with benefits relationship. He's in it for real."

"How the Hell did you know about that?"

"It's called the bay window by the pool."

"That's it, I'm really not going tonight--"

"Oh, Hell no. You are going."

"Like you would really mind taking two men out--"

"I can barely handle AJ. Besides, Howie would be really disappointed if you didn't go."

"Kitra..." Grace finally whined, crawling off her bed to shuffle toward the large walk-in closet. Just the mere thought of Howie being disappointed broke Grace's heart. She didn't want to hurt him any more than he had been hurt. Yet, she didn't want to hurt herself. She had survived all her life fighting against deceitful men, but Howie was so damn sincere. And maybe she did love him...

"I knew I would win sooner or later. Come on, it'll be fun tonight and you love dancing," Kitra smiled softly, looping an arm around Grace's shoulders and holding up two shirts. "Pick one."

"Where the Hell did you find those?" Grace immediately questioned, arching her light brows with natural wonder. Both tops were elegantly sexy, nothing that Grace ever would have picked out herself. And to know that Howie had bought them without her was slightly baffling.

"I was out with Howie for a little bit today and he had me pick them out for you--"

"Kitra!" Grace interrupted with a groan, elbowing her friend in the gut. "Was he with you when you picked these out?!"

"Oof! Yes!" Kitra wheezed softly.

"Why didn't he tell you to put these back?"

"Why would he?"

"Because these are extremely erotic for starters!"

"Extremely erotic? Where? I made sure they were innocent yet sexy!"

"Innocent yet sexy my ass!" Grace exclaimed as she plucked the first garment from her friend's hand. It was a rich purple satin halter baby doll top with a sheer fly away that exposed her toned abdomen and favorite belly button ring. But, she had to admit that she loved it. "You're trying to get me laid in this thing."

"I'm trying to make you feel good about yourself and your body. There is a difference--"

"A difference between trying to get me laid so I'll stop chewing your ass and trying to get me laid so I feel better about myself?" Grace disagreed with question, settling the beautiful fly-away, baby-doll, halter on the bed. She moved back into her closet then, selecting a pair of hip huggers that flared into a gentle boot-cut, adhering to her body to delicately accentuate her curves. She held them to her waist, glancing to Kitra.

"Those work because they're not denim," Kitra approved, pulling out a chain studded with delicate gems to go around Grace's slim waist.

"What did he talk about when you guys went out today?" Grace asked softly, seeming to calm down immensely as she concentrated on getting dressed. She took a deep breath as she stepped into her black pants, zipping them up as Kitra looped the chain around her. She then reached for the delicate top, easing it onto her body as Kitra tied it around the back of her elegant neck. She then stepped toward the mirror, fussing with her curls as she yanked them from a hair-clip, allowing them to fall in silky ringlets far past her shoulders.

"Lots of things..." Kitra trailed off, running her hands through Graces curls to perfect them.

"Which means what exactly, Kit?" Grace questioned, reaching to grasp her favorite lip gloss off her dresser.

"You won't believe me if I tell you--"

"You're usually dying to tell me all your juicy little secrets, Kit. Why are you stalling on this?"

"Because you won't believe me!"

"Kit."

"He was telling me about how much he likes you."

"Bull--"

"See?! I told you!"

Grace was about to fire back into a heated argument, but when she turned and caught her emerald eyes against Kitra's blue-gray eyes, she stopped. There was a look of pride deep within the irises of her best friend's eyes. A look of hope and pride that Grace had never seen before. She softened immediately as she released a sigh, allowing Kitra to fuss with her like she usually did before Grace performed at the Devil's Playground. "I promise I'll listen if you really want to tell me."

“There's a difference between listening and believing--"

"I'll try to believe, okay?"

"Do you really promise, Grace?"

"Yes."

"Alright... he was telling me about all the things he likes about you. He thinks you're beautiful inside and out, Racie. He doesn't care about your past or your job at Devil's because he knew you had to do it in order to survive. He cares about you. Racie, the man is in love with you."

Grace exhaled a shaky breath as she broke her gaze away from Kitra's teary blue-gray eyes. She knew that Kitra was happy for her, but Grace didn't know if she could be happy for herself. "It's just so complicated. I don't even know what I'm feeling anymore. And he scares me."

"How does he scare you? He's nothing but gentle--"

"Because he's so damn gentle and sweet... God, Kit, all these emotions are just... I don't even know what they are. My stomach knots when I'm around him and I'm constantly blushing. There's tingles shooting down my spine and when he smiles at me... He even asked me to sleep with him the other night, just cuddle next to him and sleep... I can't tell you how happy that made me feel..."

"That's what a true man is, Racie. That's what love feels like. Don't be scared of it," Kitra pulled the younger woman into her arms for a warm hug.
"So does that mean I'm supposed to tell him yes?"

"If you care for him like he cares for you... and you feel all those sensations... then you know what you're going to tell him."

"I can't get hurt again..."

"Howie won't hurt you. He would rather die than let that happen."

"I think you've been watching Lifetime too much..."

"I only watch it for Unsolved Mysteries. He loves you, Racie. Let him love you."

Chapter 12 – Tasting Life’s Enjoyment

"Did you really want to come with us tonight, D?" AJ questioned as he flopped down on the cream colored couch, glancing toward his best friend who was just watching the ceiling. Both men were patiently waiting for the girls upstairs, well, at least AJ was somewhat calm. Since meeting Kitra, he had fallen into deeper heart to hearts after their wild passions died during the late nights. They would simply lie together and speak quietly about past, present, and future. Kitra had actually gotten AJ to realize a lot of things, like the fact that Howie wasn't exactly his best friend anymore. But, they had drifted because of AJ. He felt guilty as he tapped his hands against his leather pants, waiting for the older man to respond. Since he had fallen into the party lifestyle, it seemed harder and harder to communicate with Howie. And it actually broke AJ's heart.

"Grace is coming, so--"

"If she wasn't coming, would you have anyway?"

"Why the question?" Howie finally glanced towards AJ with a raised eyebrow.

"I was just wondering..." AJ trailed, flipped his sunglasses onto his face to hide his soulful brown eyes. He felt like such an asshole, especially when it came to dealing with emotions he'd rather keep numb. But, Kitra was starting to change him whether she realized it or not. He was drinking less and the parties had become less frequent. He was just concerned about spending time with her. Making her happy. And possibly making Howie proud again. "You used to go out clubbing with me a lot, but now..."

"I grew out of the lifestyle you like so much. I don't enjoy getting drunk all the time and I hate random sex," Howie shrugged, glancing back at the ceiling. "We just grew apart."

"Because of me? Is that why you hate me so much now?"

"I don't hate you. I hate how you're killing yourself."

"You're ashamed of me?"

"I'm scared for you. Do you think I want to get a call at three in the morning saying my best friend is in a body bag from an overdose?"

AJ glanced away for a moment, wringing his hands together out of nervous habit. Since he started using drugs, he had become slightly on edge, raging with a hard addiction. But, since Kitra, he was trying to decrease the habit, which just seemed to agitate his nerves more. It was like going through detoxification, but he'd never admit to it. Just like he'd never admit to the fact that he may be only human and extremely capable of getting hurt. "I hate that you don't call me Alex anymore.”

"You haven't been Alex for a long time," Howie replied softly, closing his eyes for a moment to control the emotions.

Unfortunately, AJ knew that his best friend was right. That Alex had long disappeared as the pain had continued to consume him until only the deepest darkness remained. Only, he wanted to tell Howie that he was sorry and he was going to try to fix things. That he wanted things to be normal again and he was sorry for causing such annoyances between his friend and Grace, when they were obviously meant to be together. But, AJ was sidetracked as his only vision of hope and light descended from Howie's upstairs rooms. Kitra was a vision of true loveliness in her knee length leather skirt and shimmering red tank top that admired snugly to her body, accentuating the curvature of her youthful body. Her long platinum locks were twisted with red chopsticks and a light amount of makeup caused her face to glow with beauty. She stood a few inches higher with her chunky black boots, causing AJ to just grin.

"You look great, Kitty."

"Thanks. You two look very handsome," Kitra smiled softly, kissing AJ's cheek as he stood to greet her.

"Nothing compared to that beauty your exuding," Howie complimented as well, leaning to hug her gently. "You look absolutely fantastic, Kitra. I couldn't have imagined a prettier woman. I'm proud of you."

"Thanks," Kitra whispered, her voice catching with obvious emotion.

"You're one of a kind," AJ promised, slipping a ruby tennis bracelet onto her wrist to add to her flare.

"Wh-what? Alex, no, we talked about--"

"Me giving you everything your heart desires," AJ finished without much room for complaints, leaning to kiss her cheek. "You deserve this."

"You're both going to make me cry," Kitra sniffled.

"Everyone deserves a good cry," Howie answered with a kind shrug of his shoulders.

"But then I'll look hideous," Kitra laughed, clearing her throat to hold back the tears.

"Nothing could make you look hideous, trust me," AJ rasped against her earlobe, kissing the side of her face gently. "But where's that brat of yours?"

"She was right..." Kitra looked back at the empty stairs and groaned. "Racie, get your ass down here!"

"Sorry, I forgot something," Grace breathed as she hurried down the steps in a blur. She barely stopped when she reached the bottom steps, straightening when she caught everyone's gazes. She looked like a vision of heaven with the outfit Kitra had selected. The rich, purple, fly-away, baby doll enhanced the sleek curves of her gorgeous body, defining her large breasts with a sleek dip of cleavage and showing off her lean and toned abdomen with the dangling fairy belly button ring as the fly away pieces of material fluttered around her. Her black hip huggers clung to her bottom half, outlining her hips and powerful dancing legs. And her long honey blonde ringlets cascaded down her shoulders as she bit softly on her glossed lip. "What's wrong?"

"Absolutely nothing. You look beautiful!" Howie actually gushed, believing that an angel was standing in front of him.

"I look like I could jump on the stage at Devil's in two minutes flat," Grace disagreed with a sharp blush, fingering the blue and purple jeweled belt Kitra had added to her waist to compliment her piercing.

"You do not!" AJ, Kitra and Howie objected.

"You're right... I don't have my G-string on..." Grace trailed, attempting to be funny to avoid the compliments.

"Racie," Kitra groaned.

"Sorry..." Grace apologized immediately, smoothing the sheer tails of her shirt in attempts to hide her bare stomach, but the material was see-through underneath the breast line, so it was useless. She was used to wearing revealing clothing in Devil's Playground, but the way Howie was watching her made her increasingly shy. "Are we leaving?"

"If you lovely ladies are ready," AJ replied, taking Kitra's hand into his own.

"Definitely, we'll meet you guys at the car," Kitra told Howie and Grace, knowing Howie probably wanted a few minutes of Grace to himself before they piled into the car.

"Okay..." Grace trailed, tucking a few bills that she had actually managed to save in her back pocket with a special photograph that she never left without. She seemed somewhat flustered as she made sure nothing would fall from her back pocket, immediately glancing up to catch Howie watching her again. "You... You picked this out for me, didn't you?"

"How did you... Kitra, right?" Howie replied, a little sheepish as he smiled.

"Yeah, she about stripped me naked upstairs because I wanted to wear a tank top and jeans..." Grace trailed, pressing her hands against her bare abdomen in attempts to hide it. "I can't believe you let her pick this... Unless..."

"Unless?" Howie reached over and pulled her hands away from her body.

"Who picked it out, honestly?"

"I did."

"Why?" she questioned as he gently pushed her away while still holding her hands, so he could have a full view of her.

"Because I knew you would look beautiful in it."

"Stranger..."

"It's only the truth."

"Then it's your fault if another man pulls me to the dance floor before you get a chance to stake a claim," she attempted to tease, lightly squeezing his hands before pulling away. She moved toward the door, trying not to watching him too closely. He looked so perfect in his burgundy and black stripe button up with matching black tank underneath and baggy black pants. She couldn't have asked for a more handsome 'date,' though she didn't know if she had the determination to say so.

"It won't happen because you'll be in my arms all night," he smiled softy, watching her from behind.

*~*~*

"Are you a little antsy, Grace?" AJ actually laughed as he watched Grace studying the dance floor from the high windows of their rented VIP section. They had spent a somewhat calm time at dinner and then invited themselves to dessert and drinks in the club. AJ was pleasantly surprised as he became more acquainted with Kitra's best friend, actually finding her very adorable. She was sweet and somewhat chipper with a beautiful smile always accenting her face. He now understood why Howie was so fond of her and why Kitra was so protective of her.

"Am I allowed to be?" she questioned, turning slightly from watching the dancers to catch AJ's actually kind brown eyes. For once, she truly smiled at him, pleased with his change in attitude.

"You're allowed to be anything you want. But I can tell you're antsy."

"Guess I just really like to dance," she answered, shrugging her bare shoulders as AJ brought himself and Kitra to stand beside Grace. She motioned toward the seasoned dancers on the stage of the club, throwing down what they thought were their best moves. "I think I can do better than that."

"You can definitely do better than that, Racie. These people haven't seen dancing until they've seen you," Kitra grinned, resting in the crook of AJ's arm.

"I'm not that good..." Grace sighed somewhat softly, glancing behind in search of Howie. He had disappeared a bit ago, making her wonder. But, she returned her gaze back to the dance floor, unable to hold off much longer. "I'm just a stripper and I've never had professional dancing..."

"Oh stop the bullshit right now--"

"It's not bullshit, it's the truth," Grace answered quickly, unable to stand it any more as one of her favorite songs started to blast through the speakers as the DJ started to mix. Her emerald eyes immediately began to glow as she glanced toward AJ and Kitra with hope. "Do you mind if I go down now?"

"Go ahead, Grace. Have fun," AJ smiled softly.

"Tell Howie the whole 'You Snooze, You Lose' deal," Grace called with an adorably excited smile. She immediately crossed the lush threshold of the VIP Lounge, speaking briefly with the body guard who offered to lead her down immediately. She waved toward Kitra and AJ once more, completely disappearing.

"Watch," Kitra told AJ, quickly pointing toward Grace as she reached the dance floor as Nelly was being spun by the DJ. A throng of men immediately rushed toward her, but she was too excited about the idea of dancing. She weaved into the middle and started her own creative choreography, many following her with loud whistles. "She's absolutely the best dancer that I've ever seen... And I'm not just saying that..."

"Damn... she's better than our dance troupe!" AJ whistled in awe, watching Grace start a body roll from the floor and back up straight with the snap of her hips. "Fatima would fall in love with her."

"And it's all natural," Kitra approved with obvious pride. "She's just a raw talent... But, never had the chance to spread her wings and fly... I think that's why she loves fairies so much..."

"Maybe she'll have the chance to fly sooner than she thinks."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I'm not saying anything until I talk to a few people."

"Alex--"

"Trust me?" AJ interrupted, turning toward her with a hopeful smile.

"How can I say no to that face?" Kitra chuckled, kissing him softly.

"I was hoping," AJ murmured, cupping his hand around the back of her neck to bring her closer. He allowed his tongue to softly stroke hers, lulling her body into a state of sweet delight. He always enjoyed the way her body fit perfectly to his when they were intimate. She gave him such joy and he decided it was time that he needed to start sharing that.

"Mmm... I love kissing you," Kitra breathed, a silly smile forming on her blushing face as they broke apart. They had promised to keep the relationship light, but a part of her was falling for AJ and fast.

'I just love you,' AJ actually thought with a vague smile, but his heart practically stopped when she furled her brows in confusion. He was somewhat thankful that he had just thought it, but upset that he couldn't make his needs known again. He shrugged with a cackle, glancing backward in time to see Howie reappearing. He breathed with relief, snaking his arm around Kitra's waist as they turned. "Where the Hell did you disappear to, D?"

"I had a talk with the bodyguard, that's all. Just in case someone tries to start trouble," Howie stopped to see only Kitra and AJ. "Um... where's Grace?"

"Who would start trouble?" Kitra asked first, somewhat ignoring Howie's question. It never hurt to drive the man a little crazy for Grace.

"Anyone--"

"Who?" Kitra pressed.

"Where's Grace?"

"Who?" Kitra slightly snapped with an air of annoyance, hating how much Howie was acting like Grace. She was completely in the dark about Grace giving all her money to Evan so he'd release Kitra from whatever contract she had struck with him. More so, she was in the dark about Evan threatening not only her life, but Howie's life because Grace refused to be his toy. And, it made her slightly nervous about the seriousness crossing Howie's face.

"Evan, alright? He may be out of the picture but he's always around from what you tell me. I just want to be safe rather than sorry, alright?" Howie quickly replied, scanning the dance floor for Grace.

"Alright..." Kitra answered, her lips forming into a soft 'o' of surprise at Howie's tight anxiousness. She noticed him anxiously glancing between the throngs of people and she motioned toward Grace in the center of men, completely ignoring the men attempting to bring her in. She was too caught within her dancing and actually enjoying herself without having to worry about men stuffing dollars in private places. "She couldn't wait for you."

"I'll see you guys down there," Howie excused himself and went downstairs.

"What's his problem?" Kitra groaned, glancing toward AJ with obvious confusion.

"He's just being protective of Grace, that's all. Don't worry about it, Babe," AJ wrapped his arms around her and kissed her neck. "You want to dance?"

"I want to see what Howie does with Grace on the dance floor," Kitra decided, completely forgetting her annoyances with Howie. She grinned as she turned in AJ's arms, biting against his bottom lip. "And I want to feel what you do with my body on the dance floor."

"It's as good as in bed... maybe..." AJ grinned back, taking her hand and pulling her out onto the dance floor.

Kitra actually giggled with delight as AJ wove her through the various collections of hot, sweaty dancers. She stayed as close as possible to his body, smiling sweetly when he led her directly toward Grace. He was finally starting to understand that the girls were extremely close and Kitra adored that. She pressed a quick kiss to his cheek as thanks before throwing her arms around Grace's waist to catch the girl's attention. "Hey!"

"Hey!" Grace laughed in surprise, whipping around to greet AJ and Kitra. Her body was glistening with a light perspiration, causing her to glow beneath the hot lights of the dance floor. She was grinning sweetly with obvious happiness, loving that she could just dance without having to worry about a thing. Without having to worry about a man hurting her. "Finally came down from the kingdom?"

"But of course. Can't let you have all the fun, you know!" Kitra smiled, kissing Grace's sweaty cheek. "It's nice to see you so happy, Racie."

"Thanks..." Grace trailed with a faint blush rush to her cheeks. She quickly glanced toward AJ and then behind him to find the one person she was yearning for. She wrinkled her nose in confusion as there was a switch in DJs and a slight silence in the crowds. "...Where's Howie?"

"He already left to come down--"

"Then he must have found someone a lot more entertaining than me, huh?" Grace smiled ruefully, though the pain was unmistakable in her crystal emerald eyes.

"Don't even think that! Racie, he's not dancing with anyone else!"

Grace rolled her eyes, glancing toward AJ for help. But he shrugged helplessly, causing her to groan. "I'm going back to dancing--"

"With me," Howie's voice interrupted her.

"What makes you think I didn't find someone else that entertains me more than you?" Grace fired back at him with surprise, whipping around to be greeted by the man that made her heart flop against her ribcage. She felt her cheeks redden as Kitra laughed, pulling AJ against her as the saucy beats began again.

"Because if you tried to tell me that, you would be lying," Howie chuckled, reaching out to bring her close to him. "Let's dance."

"Where were you?" she questioned as the remix of Santana's latin beats echoed throughout the heated club. She naturally arched her light honey brows in surprise as Howie reached for her hips, connecting their bodies together. Slowly, he rocked against her, causing a sharp fire to flame from her soul and lick against her nerves. But, she pretended not to care, focusing on the manipulation of movements between their bodies... Not about the idea of falling into bed with Howie...

"I had to check with the bodyguards we brought along," Howie replied, keeping her close.

"But Kit said you came down here before them--"

'"I did, and then I was trying to get through the crowd to you."

"Oh..." she answered, growing tired with the simplistic movements Howie was making her follow. Wanting to play, she eased her arms around his neck, preparing to kiss him. Only, she did a sleek body roll against him as she dipped down his body, grinning seductively as she eased back upward and turned to gyrate her hips against him.

"Ay, mi carina," Howie mumbled under his breath in Spanish as his jaw dropped slightly.

"What was that?" she questioned with a soft purr, turning around again to face him. She moved to wrap her bare arms around his neck, stepping closer to move their hips together in a sexy circular moment, as one person. Her emerald eyes glistened with curiousness as she concentrated on him and only him. The heat raging in her body something she had never felt before.

"What was what?"

"You said something in Spanish... I liked it."

"Oh. I basically said 'Oh, my love'," he explained, feeling his breath catch as he looked down into her impish eyes.

"Oh... Do you do that a lot?"

"Talk in Spanish?"

"Yeah--"

"You're the only one who can make me do that."

"I've never done that before..."

"You just haven't heard me until now."

"You know what?" she questioned honestly, guiding his arms back around her waist like the first time they had ever met.

"What?"

"We're supposed to be dancing instead of talking," she whispered with a soft laugh.
"We can do both," he whispered as well, placing a kiss on each of her cheeks before connecting their lips.

"They're so damn cute!" Kitra squealed against AJ's ear, watching her friend closely as she continued to dance with AJ.

"She makes him really happy," AJ approved with a chuckle.

"He makes her really happy, though she's a wise ass who won't admit it," Kitra sighed dramatically as she pulled away to pluck AJ's sunglasses from his handsome eyes. She pushed the glasses to the top of her head, reaching up to caress his tongue with hers for a moment of true passion.

"And you make me really happy."

"And I'm a wise ass who will admit you make me happy," AJ smiled, resting his forehead against hers for a moment.

"Alex..."

"I'm actually willing to change for you..."

"Y-You mean... no more wild parties where we don't remember a thing the next morning... a day you won't have to wear sunglasses when it's cloudy? You would give up the dangerous habits... for me?"

"If that's what you want."

"I want that more than anything... we can do it together."

"Together - I like the sound of that."

*~*~*

"So, aren't you glad I forced you to come?" Kitra blurted toward Grace as AJ eased his expensive car into Howie's driveway. She smiled when she realized Grace was dozing softly on Howie's shoulder, knowing the girl had been exhausted with all her dancing. It was already four in the morning and Kitra couldn't recall the last time she remembered Grace falling asleep with an actual smile curving on her sweet lips. She actually smiled softly to Howie as she leaned over to her friend, obviously assuring Howie that she'd gently rouse sleeping beauty. Only, she started to vigorously shake Grace awake, because she was anxious to get back to AJ's house. "Morning, Sunshine!"

"What'd I do now?" Grace yelped, immediately snapping to life at the jarring voice screeching in her ear.

"Fell asleep," Kitra replied simply with a laugh as Grace fully awoke. "We're at Howie's place."

"God, you are truly Satan personified," Grace groaned, fumbling for the door in attempts to climb out. She was in a sleepy daze, practically falling into Howie's lap without realization. She wrinkled her nose in surprise at the softening of her seat, glancing upward to catch Howie's eyes. "Why aren't you getting out of the car?"

"Because an Angel fell into my lap?" Howie replied with a raise of his eyebrows.

"Well, you're too slow," she yawned, pushing hard on the door as Howie reached to release the handle. She practically flew out of the car, stumbling onto her aching feet. Satisfied that she had made it to a standing position, she ran her fingers through her long locks several times, still disoriented. She then grimaced at the heels attached to her feet, thinking nothing of it to strip away the boots and socks till her feet where bare. She was truly exhausted.

"And that's why we don't let her drink... Because she's naturally intoxicated..." Kitra laughed with sheer amusement.

"Bite me, Kitty," Grace muttered sleepily, yawning wide as she tried to stay on her feet.

"You might just want to let her die on the couch... Otherwise she might hurt you more than just falling into your lap and smashing your dick," Kitra suggested to Howie as she climbed out of the back seat and moved to sit in the front with AJ. She watched as her friend was completely oblivious toward the conversation, slowly starting to stumble toward the door in her bare feet. Grace looked to not have a care in the world, just aching for a soft mattress and warm blanket.

"Thanks for the helpful information," Howie smiled, kissing Kitra's cheek and squeezing AJ's shoulder before getting out of the car.

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do!" AJ called with a laugh.

"And that's not saying much, bro--"

"You're such an asshole," AJ interrupted with a scowl.

"Just treat her like the princess she is, how 'bout it?" Kitra interrupted, crushing any fights that may surface between the two men. "She's ready to give you an answer to that question of yours... Just make sure she's a bit more lucid."

"Lucid?"

"As in actually awake, dumbass--"

"Alex, be nice!"

"He's the one that called me a manwhore when he's practically ready to jump Grace's bones and ride her like some Spanish bull--"

"He will not!"

"I will not!"

"He wants to make love with her!"

"I want to make love with her!"

"Whoa... that was scary..." AJ trailed off.

"Good luck, Howie," Kitra laughed, rolling her eyes as she mussed AJ's sweaty locks.
"Thanks," Howie smiled again, tapping the hood of the car as AJ sped out of the driveway and towards his own home.

"Stranger!" Grace called softly when the sound of AJ's screeching tires yanked her away from the darkness of her slumber. She attempted to straight her posture, but ended up slumping on Howie's front door without a care in the world. She let her boots drop from her hands off to the side of his front porch, covering her face as she released another yawn. She then tapped haphazardly on Howie's front door with a soft whine of aggravation. "It's locked!"

"You need a key to open it. You know... like most doors," Howie teased softly, jogging up to the door with his keys in hand.

"Well, if you would use your keys and unlock it, then I could get inside, and then I could strip, crawl into my bed, and die for several hours," she answered, still leaning on the door for support as she covered another yawn.

"I'm unlocking it, I'm unlocking it. Just have a little patience--"

"It's open!" Grace yelped, falling onto the carpet with a soft thud.

"Grace!" Howie actually yelped in shock, stumbling inside to locate the lights. Only, he could hardly contain his laughter as he bent down to Grace, who was just sitting on the floor in a cloudy daze. She was staring at the open door, her emerald eyes smoldering with deep thought as to how things conspired so quickly. Her curls were a mess, layering delicately around her face as she sat in the middle of the room, her legs curled as she attempted to break her fall. "Are you okay?"

"I just broke my ass," she stated simply, continuing to stare at the door in wonder. "But... I think I might be awake now..."

"I didn't know you were leaning that much on the door--"

"I was the dumbass, not you, don't worry about it," she laughed softly, rubbing her face vigorously to clear the sleep from her body. She had just made a complete idiot out of herself in front of the first man that had actually taking a kind initiative with her. She had to get it together.

"You sure you're okay?"

"Once I get up and onto the couch instead of the floor... yeah, I think so. Help me?"

"Help you onto the couch?"

"Yes..." Grace trailed in confusion when Howie didn't take her hands right away. He seemed to fall into a sleepy daze himself, causing her to shrug at her foolishness. She didn't need a man to help her, so she boosted herself. She cringed a little at the sharp pain invading her backside as the aches of her feet cramped. She shook her head, limping toward the stairs so she could just get changed and go to bed.

Howie groaned softly as he heard the sharp closing of Grace's door, which jarred his thoughts immensely. He hadn't meant to fall away from the conversation, but her asking him to help her to the couch had caused a meltdown of sorts. Every night, especially since Grace started sleeping in his bed, his dreams about her had become increasingly erotic. He had gotten to the point in his passionate dreams where he could feel her beneath him as she whimpered softly with honest ecstasy, wrapped within the coils of their beautiful love-making. Then tonight, while they were dancing, Howie was unable to keep his mind off the same thoughts. Then the offer of the couch, Howie couldn't contain himself. But, he instantly regretted it as he charged up the stairs and entered her room without thought.

"Grace, I'm sorry--HOLY SHIT!"

"Like you haven't seen me like this before?" Grace trailed in confusion for a moment, reaching to bring her tank top over her bare breasts. She had been attempting to get ready for bed when Howie barged in without thought. He had scared her immensely, but she swallowed the fear in attempts to act cool and collected. She didn't want him to see the blush creeping to her cheeks. Strippers weren't supposed to be embarrassed with their bodies.

"But I shouldn't walk in on you while you're... God, I'm sorry that was rude of me!" Howie tried to apologize, wanting to cover his eyes for her privacy though he loved gazing at her body.

"It's not a big deal, Stranger," Grace promised, switching from her string bikini briefs to her boxers quickly. Once she was settled in comfortable clothing and her long curls were tossed into a messy ponytail, she moved toward Howie. Gently, she started to unbutton his dress shirt with a sweetly devilish smile. "Besides, if you get to see me like this, then I should be able to see you like this too, right?"

"Wh-what?" Howie was slightly startled from her statement and couldn't deny the joy that went through his soul at the words.

Grace laughed softly at the bewildered look adorning Howie's handsome facial features. She tugged affectionately at his black wife-beater. "You're really tense, Stranger..."

"I’m with you, can anyone blame me?" Howie lifted his arms and she pulled the clothing off his torso.

"I'm no different from any other woman that you've met in your lifetime," Grace disagreed, smiling with appreciation at his toned abdomen. She easily ran her fingertips along the indentation of his rippled six-pack, allowing her fingers to lightly dance upward across his chest, collar bone, and to his neck. She loved the feeling of caressing him from the first night AJ had slapped the money into her G-string.

"You're more different than you could ever know... that's what makes you so beautiful," Howie disagreed, paraphrasing a song he had written for their latest album. It seemed to describe Grace perfectly.

"You seem to have way too many nice words when it comes to me, Stranger. And, you don't even know me or where I came from. All you know is that I'm some stripper that you're trying to save because you have too much of a golden heart to just turn me and Kitra away..." Grace sighed, dropping her gentle caresses of his skin. Instead, she busied her hands by curling a golden ringlet around her finger and wrapping her opposite hand around her bare abdomen.

"Your past has nothing to do with who you are now, Grace. What I see is your true self and it's beautiful. I've just been telling you the things you've been trying to deny about yourself."

"Isn't it a little late to be getting into this philosophical debate?" Grace questioned in attempts to divert the conversation, flopping backward onto her bed. She stared up at the ceiling as she tucked her arms behind her head, closing her eyes in attempts to wish Howie away. She was far more comfortable with the physical portion of their relationship than the emotional portion. He always seemed to make her uncomfortable, but it thrilled her none the less. She needed him around.

"No, not really," Howie retorted, sitting on the bed next to her.

"Then isn't it a little abnormal to get into this philosophical debate when we're both half naked?"

"No?"

"When we could be doing something a lot more entertaining half naked?" she questioned, attempting to play one of Kitra's seductive tricks.

"Huh?" Howie's jaw dropped for the second time that night.

Grace groaned, covering her face with her hands. His baffled reflection was far too adorable in Grace's eyes. She actually had to hide the smile on her face, not wanting to push Howie into having sex when he'd probably regret it in the morning, even if it might shut up him. "You're not fun tonight, Stranger."

"I am too--"

Without warning, Grace reached to grasp his arm and pulled him down onto her body. She instantly connected their lips in a passionate kiss, allowing him to easily straddle her fair body. She had to smile as she worked the kisses into several, stroking his tongue with her own to bring about a moan deep inside his throat. She felt firecrackers detonate within her heart, causing sharp strings of pleasure to race through every nerve. And, she flushed with a sweet innocence as she allowed Howie to finally pull away after she seemed to have her fill. "Good night?"

"Nope... I need one more kiss," Howie shook his head, softening his lips against hers once more.

"Mmm," Grace murmured against his lips, tangling her hands within his curls so she could pull him close. A warm rush lapped over her body, practically begging for Howie to take further control of the situation. Though she refused to admit that anything like this every existed, she had still ached for something like this for so long. She actually wanted to prove to him that she could make it worth his while, nibbling against his bottom lip to pull him closer for another wrestle of their tongues as her fingernails traveled down his bare back.

"If this isn't love and adoration... I don't know what is," Howie whispered as they finally broke apart, panting slightly as his hands traced against her sides.

"You needed a good night kiss," she answered simply, shrugging her shoulders as she tried not to giggle at the sensitive tickles he was sending to her sides.

"It was more to me."

"More to you?" she finally laughed, unable to stand the ticklishness. She reached to grab his hands, folding them into hers on top of her chest.

"It was a kiss I could use everyday and not just at night," he attempted to explain, nipping her bottom lip like she always did to his.

"Ow," she crooned with a laugh.

"That did not hurt--"

"Why do you think I laughed?"


"You're something else," Howie shook his head, trying not to laugh.

"Of course I am, why be something the same as everything else?" she prompted, stretching her lithe body on the bed as Howie continued to sit just beside her. She wondered how long he would be staying in her room, already knowing the look smoldering within his dark eyes. He was anxious to ask some kind of question, but Grace prolonged the inevitable. It seemed to be her birth right.

"Umm... what?"

"Say huh?" Grace immediately responded, furling her honey brows together in obvious confusion. She tucked her arms behind her head, just staring up at Howie.

"You're good at confusing me sometimes, you know that?"

"One of my best qualities," Grace admitted with a proud smile that seemed golden with innocence.

"I'll have to agree with that," Howie smiled as well, massaging her scalp for a moment with his right hand.

"What are you doing?"

"Do you like it?"

"Am I supposed to?"

"Grace, yes or no?"

"Well, yeah, but--"

"Okay. I'll stop when you tell me to," Howie interrupted, leaning down to kiss her again. He just wanted Grace to start exploring her own feelings about life. For so long, she had been taught to enjoy whatever the man with her had enjoyed, whether it felt good to her or not. Howie wanted to break that flaw, deciding to show her as much love and adoration as possible, allowing her to choose freely what she liked and didn’t like. It may have been a small step, but Howie was determined.

"Mmm," she purred with delight, not expecting Howie to be so bold with the deeper kisses. The sizzling of her emotions was absolutely amazing as she pulled him closer, practically on top of her. She just wanted him as close as possible for fear of these new emotions completely disappearing and leaving her empty and numb again.

"Your kisses are just... amazing..." he finally breathed against her lips, pressing them together again.

"You taught me well," she complimented, gently running her nails against his bare, muscular back.

"God, I want to make love with you," he blurted in a whisper, his eyes growing a little wide at the realization that he just told her his deepest secret.

"Excuse me?" she laughed in soft surprise as Howie completely yanked himself away from her touch in embarrassment.

"I, uh... I'm sorry--"

"You don't have to apologize..."

"I didn't want to offend or scare you."

"You didn't offend me."

"Did I scare you?"

"No..." she trailed with a shrug of her shoulders, shifting her gaze toward the ceiling. "It's perfectly natural to want to have sex with someone you've been so physical with for the past couple of weeks. I mean, when we met, I was grinding on you, so why should I be scared that you're thinking about it?"

"It's not sex," Howie immediately disagreed.

"What?"

"I didn't say I wanted to have sex with you. I want to make love with you."

Grace immediately boosted her upper torso with the propping of her elbows. She looked slightly lost by Howie's distinction. "What's the difference?"

"What's the difference? There's a world of difference. Sex is just something you want to get that euphoria of an orgasm and you only think of yourself. Making love is... a deep connection between two people brought on by love and ecstasy."

Grace simply shrugged at his strong beliefs. "It's the same thing... It's the same act..."

"No, it's not. You get two completely different feelings."

"I think you're far too wistful."

"Sex and making love aren’t the same."

"Making love is just something people say to justify why they have sex."

"No it's not."

"And I guess you're going to tell me that you've made love before?"

"Once... a long time ago."

"And what happened to that magical love that's supposed to last you a lifetime?"

"She died in a car crash right after our first album was released in Europe."

Grace's hard gaze and contempt immediately broke with shame at Howie's confession. She felt a cold knot of guilt tighten in the pit of her stomach as she averted her gaze. The pain lacing through Howie's voice was unimaginable, almost haunting. Every time he challenged her beliefs, she ending up looking like such a fool. She hated that so much, now just wanting him to disappear. Or, maybe, she wanted herself to disappear instead. "...I'm sorry..."

"Thank you. But it's okay... she died instantly and she wasn't in pain. It took me a long time but I finally realized that it was just her time and that I want meant to be with someone else," Howie replied quietly. He never meant to embarrass Grace, she just had a knack of putting her foot in her mouth once in awhile.

"I guess..."

"You didn't do anything wrong."

"Okay..." she trailed, obviously uncomfortable with the way their conversation had turned. She released a soft sigh as she shifted in the bed, standing to start pulling the covers down. She wanted to signal to Howie that she was tired, perhaps then he'd leave her alone.

"Bedtime?"

"Yeah," she agreed softly, fussing with the pillow so she didn't have to look into his eyes.

"Alright," he sighed, standing as well. Yet again, he had made things uneasy between them.

"What are you doing?" she questioned, finally glancing up to catch Howie's eyes when he didn't leave the room. Her emerald eyes glistened with unshed tears that would never fall as she bit apprehensively on her bottom lip. Did he plan on spending the night in here?

"I was going to say goodnight, unless you just want me to leave--"

"No, I didn't mean it like that," she immediately interrupted, knowing she didn't have a right to be angry with him. His values and beliefs were entirely different from hers. "I didn't know if you were staying or... I mean, I know this is technically my bedroom at the moment, but..."

"Do you want me to stay?" he replied instead.

"I can't replace the woman that you lost," Grace contradicted, not wanting to get Howie's hopes up. She knew he had spoke of dating her exclusively, in fact, that's all she had thought about since he asked. But, now, it just didn't make sense for them to be together. No matter how much she enjoyed him. "I don't believe in love and I don't believe in making love. I've lived life just to survive and I don't think it's in me to change. I'm sorry that you lost someone important to you. Someone that probably made your life so much better than now... But, I'm not her..."

"Grace, I'm not trying to replace her with you. I may not know what you've been through but I understand it's a lot more than a single person has gone through. If her and I were supposed to be together, she wouldn't have died in the car accident. God needed her and has decided to bring you into my life. You may not believe in love, but it's there. Love has been around since the beginning of time."

"You need someone who shares your beliefs and values about life."

"I need you."

"I'm not good for you."

"Yes, you are. That's no one's decision but my own and you have done me a lot of good."

Grace exhaled a terribly shaky breath. "I don't want to follow in her footsteps, knowing you wanted her and God took her away... After all those other women hurt you... I don't want to be personified in them..."

"But didn't I just say you're not going to be? You're Grace. No one else except the woman I'm falling in love with."

"Howie, please--"

"You're Grace and only Grace. You can never take anyone's place because I have never met anyone like you. You're sweet, caring, funny, compassionate and absolutely beautiful."

"God, this can't be happening," Grace whispered, folding a hand over her face as she prayed slightly to make the feelings she had been so desperate to identify to disappear.

"What? Grace, what's wrong?"

"You're killing me," she stated plainly as she seated herself on the corner of the bed.

"Killing you? How... how can I kill you? I'm just telling you how I feel," he replied in utter confusion, kneeling in front of her.

"I've always been so numb... Just the most simplistic emotions to deal with... Then you come along and everything comes rushing in... Emotions I don't even know how to identify. You're offering me the world and Kit keeps begging for me to take it..."

"I've been praying that you would take it. I can make you feel happy, safe and loved. Something I know you haven't felt in a long time."

Grace let go of another shaky breath, just staring down at Howie as he kneeled in front of her. He reminded her so much of those fantasy princes encoded into the fairy tales that Grace always read to George's girls. It seemed so surreal, but she could reach out and run her fingers against his warm skin. She wanted it to be real. With every fiber of her being. But she didn't want to get hurt. "If... If I say yes to what you asked me before... What does that mean?"

"I'll give you everything you could want. I would love you with all I have and make you happy..." Howie brought his hands up to cup her rosy cheeks.

Grace moistened her lips as her body naturally started to tremble. "Is that what you want?"

"More than anything."

"Okay then."

"Okay then?"

"You said you wanted the chance to be my first lover or whatever..."

"So you're saying yes?"

"Yes," she confided, though her voice was soft and shy. "If you still want the chance, it's yours..."

"Oh Grace," he smiled, leaning up to kiss her gently.

"Oh Grace?" she questioned with a sweet confusion when their lips parted.

"You have made me the happiest person alive."

"You're welcome?"

"You're something else," he said once again, wrapping his arms around her as they kissed.

Chapter 13 – Finding the Music

"I hate warming up," Nick finally whined as he attempted to loosely stretch his body, obviously not prepared for the agonizing dance schedule ahead of them. The Black and Blue tour was slated to kick off in just a few short weeks, leaving the boys in a flurry of excitement. The finalizations of plans were finally tying off into perfectly met ends. The idea of getting back on the road, each with their own personal tour bus, was exhilarating. So, they wanted to get all the preparation finished quickly. Of course, they had actually managed to arrive early, before Fatima had even stepped into the building. They wanted to surprise her with their dedication, or, perhaps, it was just a shocking coincidence that no man was late for once.

"Drop a few pounds and you might actually be able to stretch all those muscles out, Lard Ass," AJ snickered.

"You sonofabitch--"

"What's with the goofy grin on your face?" Brian questioned toward Howie as Nick tackled AJ onto the shiny, buffed floors. He was unfazed by the grunting as AJ and Nick both tried to take the upper hand on one another, just glancing toward Howie as he attempted to stretch his body before Fatima came in shouting orders and Kevin barked for them to get into the groove.

"What goofy grin?" Howie replied, leaning down to stretch his knees. He seemed eager to work, something Brian hadn't seen since before the last girlfriend burned Howie. He knew one thing: it had something to do with Grace. The older man was obvious like that.

"That goofy grin," Brian exclaimed, motioning toward the wall of mirrors that reflected the broadly cheesy smile accentuating Howie's happy features.

"I don't know what you're talking about--"

"You're not good at lying."

"I'm just happy," Howie shrugged, reaching down to press the palm of his hands to the floor with his legs spread apart.

"Why?" Brian stressed, booting his sneaker into Howie's behind to send him sprawling on the floor.

"Brian!"

"Why?!"

"You didn't have to kick me," Howie grunted, pulling his face away from the floor to glare at Brian. "Because of Grace, alright?"

Brian snorted, "I already knew that--"

"Then why'd you kick me?!"

"Because I want to know why because of Grace!"

"Why?"

"Don't even."

"Why?"

"Howie!"

"Would you just please tell him?" Kevin groaned as Brian's voice actually screeched, causing an echo around the dance studio. "He wants to know why Grace made you so happy so he can celebrate for you."

"Thank you!" Brian praised his cousin with a triumphant grin as Howie made an annoyed face. "C'mon, D."

"Fine. I asked Grace out and she said yes."

Brian furled his brows in a playful disappointment to push Howie's buttons, though he was ecstatic to hear the words. Grace deserved someone like Howie. "Are we back in high school?"

"You're the one who was screeching--"

"And you asked Grace to date you like some love sick teenager--"

"Keep on talking and your face will have an appointment with the floor."

"That's okay, we met yesterday..."

"I think you need another visit--"

"I think it's great that you and Grace finally established a relationship together!" Brian squealed as Howie stepped toward him and he fell to the floor.

"Thanks," Howie stood above Brian, smirking.

"You're welcome?" Brian questioned, squinting as he continued to hold a hand above his head for protection.

"You're too skittish," Howie laughed, lending him a hand to stand up.

"And you take things too damn seriously. I hope Grace changes that..."

"Yeah, yeah--"

"Are you boys done goofing around?" Fatima suddenly fired out of no where, her voice echoing sharply enough against the walls to cause Nick to tumble away from pummeling AJ. She looked frustrated as she slapped a pile of folders onto the nearby table, flicking her long braids behind her elegantly mocha shoulders. She had been choreographing the boys for several years and they could always tell the warning signals of her fiery moods. In fact, AJ had been known to create a few of them in his time period. Only, the darkness turning her eyes to coal sent Kevin's nerves ajar.

"Um... hi, Tima. Is something wrong?"

"Oh no. Nothing's wrong at all, Kev. Everything's just peachy!"

"Definitely scared," Nick whimpered, hiding behind Brian and Howie as the woman they had known for so long continued to rant under her breath.

"What have I always told you boys when it comes to dancing?!" Fatima growled, the question sparking from her obviously troubled mind and projecting into the thick tension across the boys.

"An STD will throw off your dancing skills tremendously?" AJ guessed with a shrug of his bony shoulders.

"She's gonna cut his head off!" Nick hissed as Fatima rounded on the tattooed man.

"No! Always warm up! Always! And now we're down a dancer!"

"What does warming up have to do with losing a dancer?" AJ questioned.

“Katie decided not to warm up last night. She got a cramp during the Larger Than Life routine and she fell. Broke her damn leg!"

"Jesus..." Brian groaned.

"So we can just pop another girl into the front. Damn, Tima, no big deal," AJ attempted to persuade.

"Do you realize that your tour is in a few weeks? We've been planning for months. What girl do you know of that is such a fantastic dancer that she can learn everything half the other girls can barely grasp in five months of work?" Fatima hissed, shaking her head in disbelief. "I don't know of any dance company that has someone like that, AJ, so I had to tell your managers and they are postponing--"

"Whoa, hold on a damn minute! Postponing the tour? Tima, we can't do that! The fans have been waiting too long. Hell, the fellas and I have been waiting too long and worked too hard. There's got to be something we can do!" Kevin interrupted as the others jaws dropped at the possibility of postponing their tour.

Fatima sighed as she slumped into the folding chair at the front of the studio. She furiously rubbed her face, obviously exhausted from receiving such devastating news. "I can't help it, Kevin. There is just no way that any dancer could pick up all the routines in such a short amount of time. I'm struggling with the girls I already have and I'm sorry--"

"Grace can do it!" Howie blurted.

Brian, Kevin, Nick, and AJ all glanced toward Howie with absolute mortification at his sharp outburst. But the embarrassment died when they realized what he had said, causing all their jaws to fall slightly ajar. But, Fatima, who had no knowledge of Grace, glanced at Howie with confusion. "Grace? Who's Grace? And don't tell me you're dating another dancer because it was hard enough praying that it was Corrine instead of Katie that broke her leg last night--"

"No, she's not part of any dance troupe. She's my girlfriend and one Hell of a dancer. AJ's seen her and I know she can pick up on all the dances. I've seen it myself, she did Shining Star after I showed her the routine once."

"She's your girlfriend now?" Nick scoffed with disbelief, his face contorting into a look of sheer annoyance. "You knew I had dibs on her--"

"She doesn't like you, so get over it."

"The only reason she likes you is because AJ shoved eight hundred bucks down her pants to make you feel good--"

"Nick shut your mouth right now before I shut it for you," Kevin halted the argument, clamping a hand over Nick's mouth. "Let Howie be happy for once, you selfish brat."

"Damn..." Brian whistled.

Fatima watched the boys slowly settle as Kevin kept a firm grip on Nick. Her brown eyes were slowly returning to a normal color, watching Howie closely for information on this new woman. "If Grace isn't part of a dance troupe... Then what does she do?"

"She's a fucking stri--"

"She's between jobs right now," AJ interrupted Nick, shoving his hands into the pockets of his baggy track pants. "She's a fantastic dancer, though. We took her to the club last night and the owner actually pulled her onto the stage to offer her a job. She has a raw talent that I've never seen before when it comes to dancing. She sees something once, like D said, and she nails it perfectly."

"So she doesn't have anything holding her back for the tour?" Fatima chewed on her lip thoughtfully. She was desperate enough to hire Grace without even seeing her dance. They had all worked too hard to postpone anything.

Howie smiled toward AJ with great appreciation before answering Fatima. "No--"

"Wait a minute," Kevin quickly interjected.

"Wait a minute, what? We're covered, Kev--"

"Considering what she's done in her lifetime... We don't know if she could really make it on a tour. We have over two hours worth of a show going this time around, Howie. We can't just hire her out of no where. She might have mastered one dance with you teaching her, but the atmosphere is completely different on tour. She might not have the stamina to compete with that--"

"Oh, she has the stamina, trust me," AJ breathed.

"Could she come after rehearsals tomorrow?" Fatima questioned with thought, glancing through the dozens of folders that held various candidates for the position. Typically, she would be making frantic calls at the moment, but she trusted Howie's opinion. He had been a professional dancer long before Backstreet had been formed. He knew what he was talking about and Fatima was willing to give anything a chance. "I'll keep one of the girls here and we'll work with her to see if she can really do it. Kind of like a mini try-out?"

"She can come tomorrow," Howie nodded with approval, eager to tell Grace the good news.
Kevin frowned, "I don't know if this is a good idea--"

"Can't she just try out? What's the harm in actually giving her a chance, Kev?" AJ immediately came to Grace's defense, knowing the power behind her skills. "She might just surprise you."

"But what if--"

"Look, Kev. We can either have Grace try out or the management will push back the tour. Which will it be?" Fatima interrupted.

"Please, Kevin, she deserves a chance," AJ attempted to convince the older man. Not only for Howie, but for Grace, too. He seen the magic those two created when they were in a room together and he couldn't even begin to imagine the electricity they'd ignite on stage. And, finally, the chance for Howie to pay back Corrine for all the pain she caused.

"Come on, Cuz. We've got nothing to lose and everything to gain," Brian added.'

"Thanks, Alex," Howie whispered as Kevin slowly started to cave.

"Anytime, D," AJ whispered back, smiling not only at the fact that Grace was going to be part of the troupe but that Howie was once again calling him Alex.

*~*~*

Kitra couldn't help but smile at the sweetness of the picturesque scene in front of her as she crossed the length of Howie's living room. Sure enough, Grace was sprawled on the largest couch with her faded and torn journal resting comfortably on her chest. A soft, content smile crinkled the corner of her lips, actually causing Kitra to coo. Usually, when Grace slept, there was a haunted quality to her innocence. It was almost as if she were truly a fallen angel from grace. Yet, since meeting Howie, Grace looked so peaceful and golden, like an angel nestled in the Heavens. Kitra couldn't have been more grateful for Howie's interventions in Grace's life. Without him, Kitra feared the darkness would have swallowed her friend long ago. She tried to brush those morbid thoughts away though, reaching to take the journal and cover Grace with a warm blanket. The young woman accepted the transition with little complaint, curling tightly into a ball against the pillow as she buried herself in the darkness of the blanket.

"You're way too cute, Racie," Kitra sighed with a soft laugh, brushing her fingers through Grace's tangled honey curls. Once she was satisfied that Grace was sleeping peacefully, she flopped onto the opposite couch. She prepared to toss the journal on the coffee table, but her interests peaked. The journal had been a gift from Grace's deceased mother for graduation. It was the final token of love passed between mother and daughter and the only place where Grace actually confided her truest emotions. Though, most turned into lyrics and poems, but they were beautiful nonetheless. And Kitra couldn't help herself.

She opened the battered journal and began shifting through the pages. Many of the poems and songs were dark and depressing, crying out for salvation or hope. Kitra could feel her heart break as she read one Grace had written after her mother died but as she went further back she realized that the thoughts of her younger friend were becoming brighter.

Holding her breath, Kitra flipped to the last dated page from yesterday. She brushed away a few stray tears that had fallen as she glanced down and found herself instantly caught within the beautiful lyrics. Kitra had arrived just that morning after AJ dropped her off before dance rehearsal, so she wasn't completely informed of all that had happened after the intense night of dancing. But the gorgeous lyrics that had fluttered from Grace's broken heart actually caused heavier tears of happiness to slide down Kitra's cheeks.

I set out on a narrow way many years ago,
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road.
But I got lost a time or two,
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through.
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you.
Every long lost dream led me to where you are.
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars,
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms.
This much I know is true.
That God blessed the broken road,
That led me straight to you.

"You always had a way with words, Racie... I knew you were meant for him," Kitra sniffled softly, closing the book and placing it on the coffee table. She rubbed away the tears streaking her face,

"Kitty, no tears, I'll melt," Grace whined softly in her sleep as Kitra curled up next to her on the couch, hugging her tightly as she buried her wet face into Grace's hair.

"Sorry Racie."

"What's wrong?" she yawned, still pressing herself tightly against the couch in hopes to stay asleep. But the soft sniffles slowly started to rouse her from the nap. She wiggled a bit within Kitra's embrace, but only to turn so she could lazily wipe away the stray tears.

"Your writing always gets to me," Kitra replied quietly.

"My writing?"

"I... kind of read your journal..."

Grace looked horrified. "Kitra--"

"They're all beautiful, Racie. You have such a talent for writing... especially that one you wrote yesterday. It's about Howie."

"Kitra Holly," Grace groaned, immediately climbing out of her friend's embrace to dive toward her journal. She hurriedly clutched it to her chest for protection, feeling as if her heart had just been ripped out of her chest to be displayed for everyone's benefit.
"You're not supposed to read that!"

"It's not like I've never read them--"

"Kitra!"

"What?!"

"These are mine and mine only!"

"It's not like I copied them and passed it around the city. I was curious, alright? The only way I know how you're feeling is through that journal because you don't tell me anything."

"Maybe I don't tell you for a reason?" Grace groaned with disbelief, continuing to hold the journal against her chest before burying her face in her hands. She couldn't believe that Kitra had invaded her personal space so blazingly. Not to mention the fact that the journal was always laying around. If Kitra had no qualms about opening it, then what was to stop Howie? Especially with the words she had wrote the following night as Howie was curled peacefully against her in a deep slumber.

"Racie, just calm down. It's not like I'm going to run to Howie and tell him. I have boundaries with that and I--"

"I just shouldn't have wrote anything to begin with. The song was so damn stupid and it's not like I even know what I'm talking about to begin with," Grace murmured more to herself than Kitra, ashamed at the feelings that her best friend had unearthed. She had taught herself for so long that the only meaning of life was to survive. She felt like such a hypocrite as her writing began to transform. She didn't know what these emotions were. She didn't know what she was doing. And she certainly shouldn't have been wasting her time fiddling away in her journal.

"Oh stop the bullshit before it starts! I'm so tired of you putting yourself down when it comes to these things," Kitra groaned, highly annoyed at Grace's denial of her feelings for Howie. "You're human and all humans feel love and everything else you're feeling that's new. So, please, don't."

"Fine," she whispered, scrambling up from her seat on the floor.

"Hey, you're not going anywhere!" Kitra tackled Grace.

"Get the Hell off me!" Grace screeched in surprise as her journal popped out of her grasp and went flying toward the now opening door. Grace gasped in shock as Howie bent down to pick up the tattered piece of her memories as Kitra's knee embedded into her gut. "OH HOLY HELL!"

"Did I miss something?" Howie raised his eyebrows at the women tussling on the floor and screeching at one another.

"I think that might be the key..." AJ trailed, attempting to peek into the journal.

"Excuse me, but you're rupturing my spleen, Ms. Jack the Fucking Ripper!" Grace growled in agony at her friend, aching to just spring upward and snatch the incriminating journal from Howie's hands.

"Struggling only makes it worse!" Kitra yelped as Grace found her balance and shoved a foot into her chest. She pushed and was finally free from Kitra's grasp.

"Thank God," Grace breathed, scrambling upward to practically tackle Howie within the doorway.

"Whoa! Babe, you could have just asked for the journal," Howie replied as they fell to the floor.

"I didn't want to take any chances," she breathed, sitting on top of Howie's chest as she took back the journal. She hurriedly tucked it close to her heart, taking some painfully shallow breaths as she rested a hand against her side where Kitra's bony knee had dug into her.

"I don't open things that aren't mine. I would have asked permission," he cupped her cheeks, rubbing them with his thumbs.

"The answer would have been no," she answered simply, pulling away from his grasp. The simplistic affection caused her soul to light with intense heat, but she could feel the two sets of eyes upon her intimacy with Howie. She couldn't help but blush furiously as she darted up the stairs, fully intent on hiding her journal away from prying eyes.

"How many times have I told you to play nice with others?" AJ finally laughed when Grace disappeared, reaching down to help Kitra stand.

"She was being all touchy like a hormone-crazed teenager," Kitra groaned as her chest and back ached from the wrestling around. "I think I'm getting too old for that shit."

"Then stop tormenting the little whipper snapper," AJ teased, kissing the side of Kitra's face before gently rubbing her back.

"Then how would I stay entertained?"

"Do you really have to ask that?"

"Only if it makes you sweep me off my feet and over to your house."

"Our house," he corrected with a heartfelt smile, reaching to do as he was told. "Besides, Howie has some important private conversations for Gracie-Poo."

"I do not call her Gracie-Poo," Howie objected.

"Alright, Gracie-Wacie--"

"What's the private conversation?" Kitra interjected as she wrapped her arms around AJ's neck for stability. "Does it have anything to do with last night?"

"Probably that, too--"

"Too?"

"Shush," AJ chuckled, kissing her briefly. "He has another proposal thing for Gracie."
Kitra frowned with confusion. "Isn't marriage a little too much?"

"Not marriage!"

"Well, then what?!"

"That'd be my cue to take her," AJ laughed as he noticed Grace jogging down the steps. He smiled toward Howie as he carried a whining Kitra toward the open door. "Good luck, D."

"Thanks. I'm going to need it."

"He's taking the Ripper for the night?" Grace guessed when she reached the living room and the front door closed. She looked much calmer compared to when the men had arrived home. Her cheeks were slightly flushed and damp, obviously having been splashed with cold water. She seemed relieved that she had gotten away from Kitra's badgering. She had stashed her journal in a private space, refusing to right anymore of her feelings within the pages. She had almost gotten caught, which caused an uneasy queasiness to invade the pit of her stomach. Howie couldn't find that journal. Ever.

"Like always," Howie turned to face her and smiled. "Feel better?"

"Yeah..." she trailed as she hopped off the last step while gathering her curls into a high ponytail, "How was rehearsal? Need me to draw you a hot bath or anything?"

"A bath would be nice... and I have something to ask you."

"We are not flying to Vegas tonight for a torrid love affair that ends in a cheesy drive-by wedding chapel," she teased lightly, climbing the stairs to prepare Howie's bath for him. She knew how hot and sweaty one became after dancing for long periods of time. Many days while she was rehearsing her new number for Devil's Playground; she would come home sopping wet with sweat. A bath always relaxed her afterwards.

"Damn... I'll have to ask another time," Howie chuckled as they reached the large master bathroom. "But it's something that I want you to seriously consider, because it's something I know you love."

Grace playfully rolled her eyes as she sat on the thick edge of Howie's large tub, reaching to turn on the water so it cascaded down the metal waterfall Howie had specially installed. She tested the water with the back of her hand, finding the right steaming temperature before reaching for the vanilla extract she dotted into her baths for fragrance. "You're talking to the wrong girl, I'm not the sex maniac--"

"Not sex. Just shush and listen. One of our dance troupe members broke her leg last night and if we don't find a replacement the tour is going to be put on hold. Would you come with me to rehearsal tomorrow and do a mini-tryout?"

Grace stared up at Howie for the longest moment of uncomfortable silence she had ever felt before. It took a moment for the words to process within her brain, but even then it was surreal. Finally, she just started laughing as she pushed herself off the edge of the tub. "That was really cute. I almost believed you for a second."

"I'm not lying! Tima came out and just started laying in on us before we got her to tell us what happened. No one wants the tour postponed and you're a hell of a dancer. Grace, please. This is your chance to dance without having to take off your clothes." Howie grasped her arm and pulled her close to him.

Grace yelped softly in surprise as she crashed hard into Howie's chest, their beautiful contrasting eyes locking immediately. It took only a moment for her to realize that he truly was serious, which caused her knees to slightly buckle as her heart flopped into her stomach. Her color grew ashen as she attempted to push him away with fright. "I'm a stripper, Howie. Not a professional dancer. I haven't had any formal dance training in my life. I've just goofed off and got paid well to find creative ways to take off my clothes. To even ask me to go and make a fool of myself in front of--"

"I have faith in you. I know you can do this, Grace. You were born to be a dancer."

"I was a mistake," Grace whispered, shaking her head in disagreement. "I'm sorry that your tour is going to get postponed, but I can't do that. Besides, once you went on tour, Kit and I were supposed to move out--"

"No, no, no. Grace, please. I'm begging you. Try out for the dance troupe. I can get Kitra a job so you both can go on tour and make some money," Howie interrupted, determined to get Grace to say yes.

"There are practically hundreds of professionally trained dancers swarming Orlando that would die to get on your tour. Girls that can dance a hell'uva lot better than I can. Girls that don't have some tainted past that could get dragged out--"

"No can dance better than you. No one can pick up on dances better than you. Damnit, Baby, can't you see how good you are? Tainted past or not, you're a dancer at heart!"
"No, I can't..." Grace whispered, refusing to let Howie dangle this offer in the air like some cat toy. It was insulting to offer her hopes and chances when her entire life she had been denied such gifts. It hurt to think that Howie weaseled her into the dance troupe, because she knew she hadn't worked for it. The only reason she could possibly get the position was because she was close to having sex with one of the key ingredients in the damn band.

"Grace. Please. Stop denying yourself that dream I know you have deep inside you," Howie made her look into his pleading eyes.

"Why are you so damn insistent--"

"Because you're meant to be a dancer."

"I can't even begin to compare with the girls that you probably have right now. They're perfected in every way and I'm some redneck white trash that popped out of no where because I've managed to almost sleep with one of the singers..."

"Stop that bullshit that's coming out of your mouth right now. You're going to get the job because you deserve it. Not because you're with me. Fatima won't allow favorites. She hires purely on talent and that's something I can vow on."

"I refuse to make a fool of myself thinking I can pretend to be in some fantasy world for the rest of my life."

"What fantasy world? This is my career. It could be your career."

"Stranger, please--"

"Grace, just come and try out. You don't want to go living life thinking 'what if,' do you?"

"...Can I think about it?"

"Well... umm... you have until tomorrow before I leave for rehearsal."

"Right..." Grace replied, releasing a heavy sigh as she untangled herself from his embrace. As if things hadn't been severely complicated with the previous evening's fiasco, now Howie was offering her a chance at a whimsical dream. "Why don't you enjoy your bath?"

"You'll really think about it?"

"I'll think about it. I think I can give you that much, Stranger."

"You've given me much more than you'll ever know, Grace. But thank you for considering it."

"Thank you for offering it," she responded politely.

"You're welcome. How about after my bath we make some sandwiches from yesterday's meatloaf and watch a movie?"

"Okay..."

"Okay," Howie leaned over and kissed her. "I'll see you in a little bit."

"That'll be the first time I was ever kicked out of a bathroom by a man," Grace decided to tease in an effort to lighten the seriousness of their conversation. She couldn't help but smile coyly as she walked toward the door.

"You never stay when I ask--"

"Enjoy your bath."

"Grace--" the words dropped from Howie's mouth as the door closed behind her. "She may drive me crazy, but... God, I love her."

*~*~*

"KIT!"

Kitra fiercely shook her head as she hurriedly tipped another long shot of tequila into her mouth from the slim flask she had been hiding. After several days of trying to stop her bad behaviors cold turkey, she was getting stir crazy. Usually, she'd just crawl into bed with Grace and the physical and emotional symptoms would fade away. But this time was different, because AJ was stopping cold turkey with her, because of her. He offered to stop just for her and she had been foolish enough to say that they could do it together. Only, when the fog of alcohol and drugs had been cleared away, Kitra was left with raw feelings. She was honestly falling in love with AJ, but the system they had worked out was 'no strings attached.' She refused to go back on that deal, so she just needed some to kill the feelings. That way, sex remained sex and she remained free.
AJ finally whined again. "Baby, I need you!"

"Alex, hold on! I'll be right out!" Kitra managed to call back, clearing her throat as she hid the flask underneath a loose board she found in the bathroom cabinet. It was a place she knew AJ would never look. She opened the door and forced a playful smile on her face. "Can't a woman have a peaceful moment once in awhile without you whining?"

"What kind of peaceful moment could you possibly have without me?" AJ questioned with a pitifully adorable pout, flopping back onto his large bed.

"You drive me crazy sometimes," she laughed, laying down on her stomach next to him while chomping on some of her favorite gum.

"You're so damn mean to me," AJ huffed, rolling over so he laid on top of her. Instantly, his lips found the back of her neck, offering the sweetest of kisses as his hands roamed her supple frame. He always loved holding her at night, caressing her skin, knowing she was his.

"Oh yeah, I'm so mean to you. That's why we have had sex in every single part of the house?" Kitra smiled, the alcohol pushing away all feelings that had to do with love. She craned her neck to kiss his stubbly chin.

"I think that pleasures you more than me," AJ laughed.

"Can't deny that much--"

"Damn straight," he concluded, turning her so he could straddle her waist. Both had already gotten ready for bed, making it easy for AJ to gain access to her intimate delights. But, instead, he brushed his fingertips easily down the sides of her face, simply watching her.

"What are you doing?" she asked after a few moments of silence, feeling his fingers trail over her cheeks and forehead.

"Admiring a masterpiece."

"Me? A masterpiece?"

"Did I stutter?"

"Well, no, but I'm not--"

"Every woman is a piece of art, Kitra."

"They are?"

"Yes and a masterpiece isn't exactly perfection either. If you look at all the paintings that the experts have coined the greatest works of a century... If you truly study them long enough... You'll find flaws. They may be tiny, but they're still there. And, those flaws make them that masterpiece. Just like your flaws make you more beautiful," AJ spoke easily, reaching to place a delicate kiss on her lips.

"You're too much sometimes," Kitra sniffled softly, rubbing her eyes to rid the pooling tears.

"I'm just the master at verbal orgasms," he teased lightly, helping to clear away the tears with no true recognition at how deeply he touched her heart. He figured that, hopefully, with time, she'd draw around toward him. He realized that he had first stated a no strings attached relationship, but it was too late to keep that promise. He was far too attached to her already, especially as the thrill of her dangers died away with the alcohol and recreational drugs.

"No wonder all the girls scream to sleep with you and to have your baby," she laughed quietly, thankful deep down that she had taken those few secret shots.

"But they're just girls," AJ shrugged with a lazy grin, leaning down to nibble on her neck again. "I'd rather have the woman underneath me."

"And I'd rather have the man on top of me."

"Good, 'cause I was thinking..."

"You didn't hurt yourself, did you?"

"Okay, screw you and the offer I was going to give you to come on tour with me--"

"Holy shit, what?!"

AJ shrugged, attempting to climb off her. "Forget it now--"

"Oh Hell no, you're not pulling a Racie on me!" Kitra interrupted, flipping him over so she was straddling his hips. "Alexander James McLean, you tell me right now."

"Mmm, I've always loved your aggressiveness," he growled with interest, knowing she had easily taken his bait.

"No changing the subject--"

"You're the one who burnt that bridge, Baby," AJ interrupted, leaning so he could place the softest kisses to the lowest portion of her abdomen. He felt her shiver at the stubble tickling her skin, causing him to smile as he nibbled, sending erotic messages to her core.

"You... no fair... you know my weakness... I want to go on tour with you," Kitra moaned with a whine, running her fingers through his fire-tipped spikes.

"I know you do and it'd be even sweeter if you made money in the process with an honest job, huh?" AJ questioned, leaning her back on the bed. He continued his kisses along her lower abdomen, inching up her skimpy, silk camisole as his kisses traveled upward on her bare skin.

"H-Honest job? I've never had one before," Kitra agreed, arching her back against him.
"D and I think it would be a good idea for you to do something since Gracie will be dancing--"

"Really? She's going to be on the troupe?!"

"Kevin technically wants her to try out tomorrow after rehearsals to make sure she can cope with a two hour concert, but there's no doubt in my mind that Fatima will snatch her up before anyone else can."

"Racie is going to be perfect! I know she can do it."

"As long as D said the right words tonight," AJ agreed, finally tossing her camisole to the floor as he trailed his tongue against the valley between her breasts and up toward her throat where he suckled the sweetness of her flesh. "But, we figured you could do costume design or something. Whatever you want. You'll be part of the team. But you'll be with me on my tour bus, sight seeing with me, sleeping with me, and...did I mention you'll never leave my side?"

"I like the sound of this deal," Kitra smiled softly, running her nails down his back to the hem of his wife-beater.

"So, is that a yes?"

"It's a Hell yes, Baby."

*~ Lyrics by Rascal Flatts – God Bless The Broken Road ~*

Chapter 14 – Breaking the Routine

Grace held her breath as she walked down the large corridor toward the sound of rehearsals finishing for the day, wondering why she had even agreed to come in the first place. It wasn't as if she had professionally danced before. There was no way that she could possibly compete with the women that circled around Howie's career. She had only been a stripper because she had been blessed with a beautiful body, not because she had any sort of talent. And, she was only further convinced as she peered into the small window of the dance studio to see the finishing of the last dance. Her beautiful reflection mirror sadly within the clean glass, offering a painful back drop as the girls performed moves that Grace had only dreamed about. And the woman dancing with Howie positively ripped her heart out more so than she realized. It was a mistake. They were graceful and petite, beautiful without the need for cropped articles of clothing. Their sexual presence exuded beneath a classic professionalism that she could never achieve. She could never be one of them.

She felt her stomach curl into tight knots as she blinked away hot tears, knowing there was no possible way she could walk in there and expect to dazzle them. She had never been given a chance in her life and it seemed to hurt ten times worse that Howie had offered her this special gift that she knew she would fail miserably at. Dropping her chin, Grace immediately turned to disappear from sight before anyone caught wise, but crashed heavily into what felt like a brick wall that propelled her onto the floor with a sharp smack.

"Whoa, Grace! I'm sorry, are you okay?" Kevin immediately apologized, bending down to help her back up. "I didn't see you there."

"Nothing broken," Grace murmured, brushing off the back of her jeans.

"Thank God for that," Kevin attempted to laugh lightly, tucking back a few curls that had fallen into her pretty face. "Howie might have shot me."

"Yeah..." she murmured absentmindedly, attempting to side step him so she could leave.

"Where are you going? You haven't tried out yet, have you?"

"Didn't make the cut unfortunately," she lied, shrugging her shoulders as if it were nothing. She really didn't have to look disappointed, because the pain in her emerald eyes was already radiating outward. She couldn't stand to enter that room, knowing everyone's preconceived notions about her would just be proved right. Why had she even agreed to it in the first place? She should have known better.

"Excuse me?" Kevin craned his neck and saw rehearsal was still going on. He groaned softly in disappointment, looking back at Grace. "They're still working on the routine, Grace. You haven't tried out."

"Then you should really be in there learning your steps, huh?" she answered, twisting the words as she started to walk toward an exit. She figured she could make it back to Howie's house in time to scribble out a note of regret before traveling to George's house for a few days. Devil's Playground was begging for her to come back. At least she'd be in familiar territory then.

"Whoa, hold on! You promised Howie you would try out," Kevin gently grasped her arm and pulled her back before she could get too far.

"I am not going in there," she yelped, surprised at the strength behind Kevin's hold.

"Why not?"

"Because I don't stand a freaking chance--"

"How do you know?"

"Because I'm not like those girls in there!" Grace growled with exasperation, yanking her body away from Kevin's grasp. Her emerald eyes blazed with an annoyed disappointment, hating how life was always beating her down. "If I go in there, I'm going to make a complete ass out of myself. I lied when I said that your job and my job were no different. All I did was find creative ways to take my clothes off so that I could get a few extra bucks folded into my cleavage. I'm not elegant, graceful, and talented like those women. I've had no formal training. I'm just an idiot shaking my ass."

"Don't be so hard on yourself! Do you think every single girl has gone to Juilliard? No way, they're normal girls just like you who have a passion for dance. You're never going to know if you would have failed if you've never tried," Kevin replied, trying to encourage the young woman.

"I have no problem living with that," she stated earnestly, attempting to weave around him yet again.

"So you're never going to wonder what if? What if you had made the dance troupe and were able to dance without having to take off your clothes? Do you really want to go back to stripping?"

"If I have to--"

"You can do so much better, Grace. You could live your dream of dancing for the fun of it and make money the honest way that you crave for."

Grace's posture stiffened dramatically. "You don't know a thing about me."

"So you like making money stripping?"

"No--"

"Then why not try out?"

"Because..."

"Grace, I know we don't know each other very well. If at all. But I have faith in you. Howie, Kitra, AJ, Nick and Brian have faith in you, too."

Grace glanced back into the glass of the door, realizing the music had finished. Everyone was standing around in small huddles, talking briefly, laughing, and enjoying one another's company. It seemed like a tight knit family, something Grace never had. She bit down hard on her bottom lip as she watched Howie speaking to Brian with such great animation. Not once did his eyes pass over the dancers, more focused on his friends than them. She wondered how much it would hurt him if she just left. He didn't really deserve that, not after everything he had done for her. Slowly, she started to comply with the wishes, glancing back toward the tall man. "Did Howie have you wait in the bathroom to bum-rush me or something?"

"No, he didn't. I was coming here watch you try out with Howie."

"You guys are going to watch?" Grace groaned softly as the dancers finally started to filter out.

"We always watch--"

"Fucking figures," Grace muttered sarcastically, causing Kevin's thick eyebrows to shoot up with surprise that such words could explode from such a pretty little thing. She immediately blushed as a result, smiling apologetically. "Sorry..."

"It's alright... Does that mean you're going in there?"

Grace held her breath for the longest moment, just staring at the open doorway with the greatest apprehension. She felt Kevin's hand move to the small of her back to guide her in, but she quickly stopped him. She turned and caught his light hazel green eyes. "No... I mean, I'm going in there, but not with you. On my own... Thank you, though. For what it's worth."

"You're welcome. I'm glad you're giving yourself a chance. Good luck," Kevin smiled softly, giving her a one-armed hug before walking into the studio.

Grace waited several moments as Kevin disappeared inside, wringing her hands nervously together. She didn't know how to make the entrance, more or less what to expect when she actually made it inside. Hello, I’m Howie’s stripper friend who’s looking for a free handout… For a moment, she actually wished that she had taking up drinking with Kitra and AJ. Only, that plan seemed flawed as she gathered her nerves. Holding her breath, she stepped inside the dance studio. She made sure not to glance toward the boys whatsoever, just slowly walking to the ebony beauty and her female counterpart. "Ms. Fatima Robinson?"

"Yes. You must be Grace. It's so nice to meet you," Fatima offered her a warm and welcoming smile, shaking her hand. "Please, call me Fatima or Tima."

"Nice to meet you, too," Grace replied, trying to keep her voice steady.

"I've heard a lot about your dancing from AJ and Howie."

"What exactly did they tell you?" Grace questioned, though her voice squeaked at the end, causing Fatima to laugh softly. She blushed as the other woman eyed her critically, refusing to break even the smallest smile. Grace tightened her posture at the realization, deciding to focus on Fatima instead.

"They praised you a lot, but how'd you get into dancing?"

"I'm a stripper," Grace answered bluntly, deciding she couldn't hide the fact.
Fatima laughed as she cupped Grace's blushing cheeks. "Baby girl, it's called exotic dancing!"

"Does that negate the fact that I wiggled my ass out of clothing to get money?"

"I don't know, but if you've had no professional training besides exotic dancing and are as great as Howie keeps bragging about, then the rest of these girls are in a lot of trouble."

"I'm not that great--"

"Let me and the boys be the judge of that."

"But--"

"Are you ready to get started?"

"Can I warm up first?"

"Sweetheart, those are my favorite words!" Fatima practically cooed, pinching Grace's cheeks again. The men sitting off to the side attempted not to chuckle at the sight, knowing it'd embarrass Grace too much. But, it was obvious that Fatima was already smitten with her. "I'll go figure out what we want you to do first while you warm up with Corrine. She's going to help you with choreography and whatnot."

"Okay..." Grace trailed as Fatima patted her back, walking toward the men to speak privately. There was a pause of awkward silence as Grace looked to the cold woman. She was a bit shorter than Grace with platinum blonde locks tossed into a tight ponytail. Her body was curvaceous with extra padding along her hips and bosom. Her blue eyes practically pierced through Grace and she shivered. It took her only a moment to realize who she really was - Howie's ex-girlfriend. "Are you already warmed up?"

"I'm always warmed up. Hurry your fat-ass and warm up so I can get the Hell out of here. The sooner you get rejected, the better," Corrine snapped in a low voice so only Grace could hear, flipping back her ponytail.

Grace's emerald eyes widened in natural surprise as Corrine's serpent tongue whipped against her, making her physically wince. She was fully prepared to just tackle the woman in mid sentence as she stared, but remembered that she was at an audition. She felt pain for Howie immediately, unable to understand what he had seen in her to begin with. In fact, all her anger seemed to bubble in order to protect Howie's heart.

"Are you dancing in those dirty ass jeans, Princess?" Corrine growled, breaking away Grace's thoughts.

"No," she stated simply, swallowing her own sarcastic edge. Instead, she focused on unbuttoning her fly, sliding the jeans down to reveal a pair of black, boy-cut shorts that outlined her figure fantastically. She then pulled off her baggy t-shirt to reveal a form fitting, racer backed tank top that complimented her sleek upper torso. She then tossed her curls into a messy bun, bending straight from the waist to flatten her palms against the floor. She felt the tight burn of her muscles loosening, but welcomed it as she did an easy back flip. "I think I'm ready."

"You little--" Corrine stopped as Fatima walked back in and she offered a fake smile. "Break a leg, Grace!"

"I'm sure you'd just love that," Grace breathed sarcastically, bending her knee and flexing her foot toward her buttocks to finish stretching.

"All warmed up?" Fatima asked as she reached the two women.

"Yes," Grace answered, glancing back behind the woman to attempt to catch Howie's gaze, almost praying that he wouldn't be watching Corrine.

‘Good luck,’ Howie mouthed to her as Fatima began describing the dances they were going to do.

Grace felt her heart flop excitedly in her chest, unable to resist the sweet smile adorning her features. Blushing faintly, she broke his gaze as she glanced back to Fatima in attempts to concentrate. All the songs selected were up tempo and just the simplest portions of each eight count. They wanted to test her broadness, but Corrine seemed less than pleased.

"Why can't you make her do More Than That? The ballet movements are harder than any hip-hop that she can pick up on the streets. Looking beautiful and graceful on the stage is harder than wiggling her ass like she's used to doing."

"Corrine, I asked you to stay behind to dance, not whine incessantly like you always do," Fatima groaned with a roll of her eyes, keeping her attention on Grace.

"I'm just offering my opinion, because I want this tour to be the absolute best for the boys. They deserve it," Corrine quickly saved.

"Just show me a dance and I'll do it," Grace offered with a shrug of her bare shoulders. Fatima smiled with appreciation, nodded as she walked over to the large stereo system. A rush of adrenaline poured through Grace's system as she attempted not to focus on the boys, until something was tugged over her curls and pair of arms snaked around her from behind. She jumped in surprise and immediately turned to face Brian. "What are you doing?!"

"Giving you my good luck charm and trying not to get in trouble before Tima starts," Brian answered back, tugging affectionately on the faded Wildcat's cap he planted over Grace's head. "You're going to be great and I bet the date Howie takes you on afterwards to celebrate is going to be fantastic. I've heard rumors."

"Brian..." Grace trailed with a rueful smile, realizing his voice had gotten louder just to catch Corrine's attention to the basic facts. Her relationship with Howie was still brand new and somewhat odd. She hadn't praised the fact at all, much less used the term 'boyfriend' yet. But, she couldn't help but feel satisfaction for Howie with Brian's sneaky ways.

"You're doing great so far, Gracie-Babe. Just keep picturing yourself dancing at home," Brian grinned, kissing her cheek and scurrying away as Fatima turned around to get attention back on her instructions once again as More Than That began to play and echo off the studio walls.

"We'll walk you through the first set of dance steps a few times, and then see how you do," Fatima instructed, motioning for Corrine. She counted out the beats, slowly working into the graceful dance that accentuated the boys' harmonies. It was a sweet tale of body language through grand gestures and lovely ballet movements.
Grace watched Fatima carefully, practically ignoring Corrine, absorbing the movements into the cortex of her brain. She watched the delicate movements, taking note of any details that Fatima incorporated. She couldn't help but smile at the beauty of the dance, gently moving her hands through the flow of the music to settle her soul. And, when Fatima finished, she glanced back to Corrine to count the beats. But, Grace halted them. "I can do that."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, no problem."

"Alright... go whenever you're ready," Fatima stepped back with a slight hesitation, grabbing her clipboard and watching in amazement.

Grace closed her eyes as the music was reset, waiting for the correct cue in the tempo. She imagined as if she were watching a movie as the music beckoned to her. Imagining Fatima's movements in her mind, Grace allowed the music to hold her like a strong dancing partner. Her movements were elegant and beautifully sweet, holding her body gracefully throughout every single step. There was no flaw in her posture, nor the articulation of her arms. She was flawless and exuded a mysterious essence of longing that no other dancer seemed to project during their weeks of practice. Grace was living within the music, calling out toward the viewers as the boys' voices grew stronger. And, when they grew stronger, so did her movements. Even the grand pliate molded toward her own uniqueness as she twirled into a perfect pirouette to end.

"Holy... she's perfect," Kevin whispered in awe, his jaw slightly ajar as the song faded along with AJ's raspy voice.

"Shit would be the word you missed," AJ laughed as he boosted himself from his seat, knowing they really didn't need to see anything else. The look glossed in Kevin's eyes reflected the same look in Fatima's eyes - total adoration.

"I knew she would make the troupe." Brian grinned as he slapped Howie on the back with approval.

"Do I need to do it again?" Grace questioned Fatima quietly as the boys hurried over toward the three women. Fatima had yet to say a word, setting Grace on the edge. The triumphant grin plastered on Corrine's face caused a cold lump to settle in the middle of her throat. She attempted to hold back the tears, fussing with the hem of her form fitted top. "If I'm not what you're looking for, that's fine, too. I just promised Howie that I'd try--"

"You don't have any qualms staying with Howie on his tour bus, do you? There's not enough room on the dancer's bus since the one you're replacing is tagging along," Fatima interrupted, not able to hold back her smile any longer.

"Excuse me?"

"In other words, Tima has just hired you," Brian translated, grinning.

"Me?" Grace repeated, pointing toward herself like a lost child.

"Yes, you! Welcome to the Backstreet Boys Dance Troupe," Fatima gave Grace a warm hug.

"Thank you so much," Grace whispered with obvious shock, just standing folded in Fatima's embrace. She couldn't even muster all the emotions building against her heart. She wanted to do a dozen back flips then passionately kiss Howie with celebration, but she was frozen. She didn't know what to really do. Nothing this wonderful had ever happened before. Especially to her.

"Thank you for trying out because I don't know what we would have done if you hadn't," Fatima kissed Grace's cheek as they pulled away from one another. "Congratulations!"

"Thanks," Grace answered meekly as she was pulled backward.

"Congratulations, Gracie-Babe! I knew you could do it," Brian slobbered a kiss onto her cheek.

"It was your lucky hat," she actually laughed as he tickled her cheek with his lips. She hugged him close, the adrenaline dumping into her body finally starting to take effect.

"My hat only helped. Your talent got you the job--"

"His hat was only to hide that afro you were building when you started sweating bullets," AJ interrupted with a cheshire grin, leaning to kiss her other cheek. "You did great, Gracie."

"Thanks, AJ," Grace answered, squeezing his hand in appreciation as Brian still held onto her tightly.

"Now aren’t you glad you tried out?" Kevin finally stepped forward with a gentle smile.

"I'll tell you when I see my first paycheck," Grace teased, rubbing her fingers together to signal the sign of money.

"I told you that you would get in," Howie spoke up, his eyes shining with pride.

"Oh, that'd be our cue," Brian whistled, allowing Grace to slide from his arms. He reached to kiss her once more as AJ and Kevin did the same. They then motioned a quick goodbye toward Howie, walking over to speak with Fatima about finalizing Grace's placement.

"Guess I had to see for myself?" Grace trailed, obviously embarrassed as she tucked her hands behind her back.

"Well, I knew that you could do it," Howie smiled, reaching over to bring her into his arms. He pressed their lips together in a celebratory kiss.

Grace easily succumbed to the passion as Howie's tongue dipped into her mouth to catch her own tongue in a special dance. She had to smile as she deepened the kiss, pressing her hands on the sides of his face. For that moment, she really didn't care that Corrine was watching so closely or that the boys were hooting. She only cared about Howie and the feelings of adequacy that he gave her. She laughed softly with delight when they slowly parted, her emerald eyes glowing with true excitement. "Are you going to have qualms about sharing your private tour bus with me?"

"Oh, I have no qualms at all about it--"

"Does that mean I get the big king sized bed in the back all to myself?" she teased with interruption, curling her arms sweetly around his neck.

"Hey now, where would I sleep?"

"In those cramped little bunks?"

"My own private tour bus doesn’t have cramped little bunks. And you may be my girlfriend but there is no way you're getting the bed to your--"

"Wait..." Grace interrupted with a shy smile. "Say that again..."

"You may be my girlfriend?"

"Girlfriend... I like that."

Howie broke into an adoring smile. "You do?"

"Yeah... I like that a lot," she admitted.

"I like it, too," he continued to smile, kissing her again.

"Mmm," Grace purred naturally, standing on her tip toes to rest their foreheads together. "... And you may be my boyfriend, but I'm still getting that bed to myself."

"Boyfriend... I like the sound of that..."

"Good, I get the bed!"

"Yeah, you get the... hey!"

*~*~*

"This is incredibly sweet, Howie," Kitra cooed for what seemed like the millionth time as she stole a bit of cooked hamburger from the crock pot, savoring the BBQ taste. Howie attempted to swat at her hands, but she grinned triumphantly as she hopped onto the nearby counter, simply watching the man work. After a week of dance rehearsals, Howie decided to throw Grace a celebration to congratulate her on the wonderful achievement. She had been dazzling the past week and Howie thought she truly deserved the encouragement. So, he asked Brian to take her out for a little bit of fun as he gathered everyone at his home. He had even invited George and his family, who were in the living room getting acquainted with the boys.

"Yeah, but it won't be if you eat all the food," Howie groaned playfully, wagging the tong in his hand at Kitra.

"Racie will know it went to a good cause though," Kitra defended with an exaggerated pout.

"You're... you're..."

"I'm what?" Kitra continued to pout.

"Just stop eating the food!"

"Okay, Daddy," she chirped playfully with another grin. Only, the look on Howie's face caused Kitra's smirk to fade slightly. "Are you nervous or what, Dorough?"

"What would make you say that?"

"That look of devastation on your face when you thought that I might eat all your perfection."

"With you, it's possible--"

"Oh please, I'm not Nick. I can't eat that much."

"Well, I don't want to chance that."

Kitra immediately rolled her eyes as she hopped off the counter, moving to fetch the already stored items in the fridge to set up. Grace would be arriving with Brian at any moment. And, it was easy to see that Howie was nervous. Even though they were technically dating, Howie still got nervous around Grace. He was afraid of doing something to make her leave. And, Kitra could read him far too well. "Racie really likes you, y'know?"

"Yeah... I know."

"Just stop being so nervous. She's not going to leave," Kitra kissed his cheek and walked out with her hands holding trays of food.

Howie exhaled a soft breath as he spoke to himself, "I just love her so much..."

"Hey D, come on! Brian just pulled into the driveway!" AJ's voice called out from the living room.

Howie hurriedly put the pot of BBQ on to simmer, wiping his hands on a damp dish rag. He practically tumbled into the living room just as the door opened. Sure enough, Grace's beautiful voice announced her presence. "I think that's the first time I've ever gotten sand permanently lodged in my ass crack from getting pummeled so damn hard--"

"SURPRISE!" everyone shouted, startling Grace from her graphic description of the sand location with Brian.

"Oh good Lord," Grace immediately groaned, attempting to turn as she buried her fiery face in Brian's chest.

"Oh, no. This is a party for you and you're not going to hide," Brian chuckled, kissing the top of her head. "It was all Howie and Kit's idea."

"He does this all the time," Grace growled with a slight annoyance, though she was truly awed by Howie's dedication.

"Can you blame him? He's proud of you!"

"He's way too proud--"

"Shush and just tell your boyfriend thank you."

Grace looked like she might fight Brian's demand, but he pushed her toward Howie before she could say another word of objection. Her cheeks were rosy with obvious embarrassment as she fidgeted with adjusting her bikini. "You are way too much, Stranger."

"You're welcome," Howie merely smiled.

"I owe you way too much--"

"You don't owe me anything. I did this because I wanted to."

"But--"

Before she could protest any more, Howie silenced her with a sweet and loving kiss. And like always, Grace slipped into a comfortable warmth as Howie's arms locked behind her waist. She caressed the sides of his face with her fingertips, merely enjoying the taste of him. She had never been kissed in her life before Howie, yet, now she craved it more than anything. Almost more than she craved him. "I love when you kiss me."

"Good, because I love kissing you," Howie smiled softly, resting his forehead against hers. "Did you like the surprise?"

"Very much," Grace confided, tilting her head so she could kiss him again. She honestly didn't know what she would have done without Howie. He had given her so much in such a short amount of time, yet she had done nothing for him. It seemed unfair in the long run and Grace toiled over what she could possibly do to make it even. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, Baby."

"You're hogging the guest of honor!" Kitra suddenly announced, pushing her way into the embrace. More so, pushing Grace away from Howie's embrace. She grinned wildly as she motioned toward little Emily who was nestled in her arms. "Other people are anxious to see you."

"Emmie," Grace immediately cooed, practically pushing Howie away to fawn over the toddler. She had missed George's girls since last babysitting them. It always seemed like forever.

"Wacie," Emily giggled happily as Grace covered her small cheeks in kisses. "Miss you!"

"I missed you too, Sweetheart, so much," Grace promised, taking the toddler from Kitra's arms. She nestled her close, allowing her fingers to dance through her light brown locks. The girls had always been a second family to Grace.

"'Prised?"

"Oh, I was very surprised. I think I almost jumped right out of my skin!"

"Ew!" Emily laughed, wrinkling her nose.

"Okay, I promise I'll stay in my skin," Grace groaned, rubbing her nose against the side of Emily's face. "Where are my other babies, Emmie?"

"Wit AJ an' Brian."

"Are Georgie and Rach here?" Grace questioned, glancing toward Kitra for an answer.
"Yeah, Rach is trying to keep Georgie from eating all the food."

"Typical," Grace laughed, leaning to hug Kitra close. "Thank you, Kitty."

"You deserve this, Racie. And it's all from that kick-ass boyfriend of yours," Kitra smiled, kissing Grace's cheek. She was just happy that for once, both their lives were going in the right direction. Neither had to sell themselves to men ever again.
"I know... I owe him the world..."

"You know he won't accept anything as a thanks--"

"Gracie!" Zoey suddenly screeched, interrupting the women's private conversation. She was grinning excitedly as she barreled over to her favorite person, practically tackling Emily and Grace onto the couch. Her blue eyes glittered with excitement as she shook Grace's shoulders. "I made the dance team! I made Brittany Murphy eat my dance shoes! She didn't know what hit her when I started out on the dance floor. Everyone loved me and I even got Johnny's digits! He's taking me to Homecoming... That is if Brian doesn't ask me first!"

"Boy crazy would be an understatement at this point," Grace groaned.

"She's a teenager, what do you expect?" Kitra laughed, ruffling Zoey's locks. "Congratulations, Zoe!"

"Gracie helped me! And now that she's on the dance troupe, Howie promised that he'd get me a double date with Brian, him, and Grace!" Zoey practically exploded with excitement.
"A double date, huh?" Grace questioned in surprise, glancing at Howie.

"Well of course. Can't celebrate getting on the dance team any other way," Howie smiled, giving Zoey a kiss on her forehead. "I'll talk to Brian about a good day to go, alright?"

Kitra snorted with laughter. "You are one sneaky sonofab--"

"I think it's time for the guest of honor to mingle," AJ halted Kitra's sentence, clamping a gentle hand over her mouth. "C'mon, Babe, there's some food that's calling your name."

"Do I get double desserts?" Kitra questioned with a purr, her voice laced with a sexual innuendo.

"Ooh, definitely."

"She honestly worries me," Rachel sighed with a faint smile, finally thankful that she located Grace. And, sure enough, Grace had two of her children and the other children were bound to find her soon. Pride rippled through her light blue eyes as she bent down to give Grace a large squeeze. "I heard you're going to be a star, Gracie."

"Just a backup dancer," Grace shrugged as she stood, Emily still clinging to her.

"On the Backstreet Boys Dance Troupe. Not many women can say that!" Rachel shook her head with a laugh. "Aren't you excited?"

"I'm really excited," Grace admitted with a chershire smile as George finally approached with a large plate of food. "I love dancing. The other girls at rehearsal act like it's a pain to practice, but I'd couldn't be more ecstatic to get on the dance floor... It's just so damn different from Devil's... Only, I'm leaving all of you..."

"It's not like you're going to be gone forever," George actually chided, however the sentiment was somewhat lost as his mouth as full of food. "You get to travel the world with the biggest group in history. Don't you feel bad about leaving. Don’t you dare."

"But what about Devil's?"

"Why are you worried about Devil's? Honey, you know I hated watching you work there. You're so much better than that, forget about Devil's!"

Grace exhaled a deep breath, glancing to make sure Howie was preoccupied with other things besides her conversation with George and Rachel. "I just can't help but think maybe I'm not good enough to even be doing a tour like this. So many other women worked so hard and I just got lucky because one of my high paying customers wanted his friend to get lucky..."

"Grace, you got hired because you have a talent for dancing. Nothing less than that. Those women may have worked hard but they can't pick up the dances as quickly as you. I've seen what you release when you're dancing and it's damn powerful."

"But still--"

"No but still. No what if. No nothing. You got hired for your talent and that's that.”
"Besides, it's time you start doing things that make you happy. Stop worrying about everyone else and stop worrying about Kitra. Life isn't just surviving, Sweetheart. It's enjoying the pleasure of living. It's enjoying that terrific man you found over there," Rachel soothed, rubbing Grace's back as they glanced toward Howie.

"I didn't find him... He found me..."

"You found each other in different ways. So, enjoy this, alright? You deserve it."

"I actually kind of like the squirt, too," George approved, hugging both Rachel and Grace close.

"Papi liked him? The same Papi that threatened to snap him like an itty bitty twig?" Grace questioned softly with a laugh that caught Howie's attention.

"Shh, don't let anyone else hear!" George hissed.

"Okay, okay," Grace promised, holding her hands up in defense.

"Georgie-Porgie, just be quiet and eat," Rachel rolled her eyes as she shoved some potato salad into her husbands mouth.

"So, I guess I need to keep him, huh, Rach?" Grace reflected, continuing to watch Howie as he joked with his group of friends. She had been considering her options for the longest time, knowing there had to be some way to completely define their relationship. Some way to thank him.

"Definitely. I've seen how happy he's made you. That boy's a keeper--"

"By any means necessary..."

*~*~*

Grace fidgeted nervously as she stepped into Howie's somewhat dark bedroom, listening to the water continue to run from his private bath. Toying with the sash of her silk cashmere robe, she eased herself onto Howie's soft bed. The party had ended several hours ago, which gave Grace a lot of time to think about her choices. Everyone who spoke with her had said the same thing - that Howie was a wonderful thing for her. That she should be very thankful for everything he did. And, Grace was extremely grateful for everything he did. She couldn't even begin to muster all the thanks that would be needed to repay him for his generosity. Not to mention the coils of hot passion burning deep in her soul whenever he touched her. She had felt him respond in the same manner. Then when he confessed that he wanted to make love with her, Grace had blown it off as something trivial. But, now in retrospect, it seemed perfect. She had dreamed of having sex with him far too many times during the past weeks. So, that's when she decided she needed to give all of herself to him that night. As a thank you.

Soon, a sweet voice floated from the bathroom to cause a smile to creep on Grace's face. Howie was singing. She loved to hear him sing, especially when he didn't know she was listening. He sung more uninhabited.

Everything that used to matter, don't matter no more
Like my money, all my cars
Flowers, cards and candy
Said I'm fortunate to have you girl
I want you to know, I really adore you
All my people who know what's going on
Look at your mate, help me sing my song
Tell her I'm your man, you're my girl
I'm gonna tell it to the whole wide world
Ladies I'm your man, you're my girl
Promise to love you the best I can.

Grace honestly couldn't stop smiling as the water shut off and Howie's voice echoed throughout the elegant bathroom. It was powerfully stirring, causing a burning sensation to rip down her body. His voice caused a deep shiver to pull at her body, practically begging for her to find him. She bit down hard on her bottom lip to resist the deepest temptations, wrapping her arms around herself. She wanted him badly.

"Too bad I can't tell her that without singing in the shower," she heard Howie scorn himself as he finished singing the song.

Grace attempted to relax on the bed as she heard Howie continue to shuffle in the bathroom. She didn't want her intentions to look planned, but her nerves were on edge. The rush of adrenaline begged for her to just pull him to the bed as soon as he surfaced from the bathroom, layering his face with the sweetest of kisses as the erotic heights of her feelings took control. Yet, she couldn't help but shy from that suggestion, her cheeks already tingeing pink as the bathroom door finally opened. She swallowed the large lump centered in the middle of her throat, hoping for perfection. It had been so long since she actually craved a man. "I think you just told her, Stranger."

"Grace? Sweetheart, you scared the shit out of me," Howie exclaimed, holding a hand to his chest as the other kept the towel wrapped around his waist.

"For my own amusement," she assured, smiling sweetly.

"At least it amused you... so, you heard me singing?"

"Yeah," she admitted with a shrug of her shoulders, climbing off the bed. She moved toward the sliding glass doors leading out to Howie's private veranda, which overlooked the ocean. She trailed her fingers lightly against the glass to catch the motion of the ocean before glancing back, her emerald eyes gleaming with the deepness of the full moon. "I love it when you sing though. Your voice just gives me chills."

"It does?" he smiled softly. She looked absolutely beautiful in the moonlight and it was still hard to believe that she was his. "How come you never told me that before?"

"Because you never like to sing around me and if you do, you're so tense..." Grace answered lightly, moving toward the dresser to select his clothing for him. Though, she knew it would be a mute point once Howie became comfortable with her.

"I get nervous that I'll mess up the song or that you won't like it," Howie confessed as she handed him a pair of his lucky boxers and gray tank top. "What's on your mind, Grace?"

"Huh?"

"You're thinking about something."

"How do you know I'm thinking about something?"

"Because I do and you just told me by asking me that."

"And now you have officially confused me..."

"Grace--"

"There's a lot of things on my mind," she interrupted, refusing to be scorned when something so important was riding on this moment. She exhaled a slow breath as she stepped closer to Howie, pressing the most delicate kisses to his throat. "Like how much you've been doing for me over these past months. I mean, God, you've given me everything that I could have ever wanted. And you've treated Kit just as nicely. And that means the absolute world to me. I keep trying to repay you, but you won't hear of it. And, I just appreciate everything so damn much. You're like my world, Howie..."

"I care about you, Grace. I'm doing all this because I want to," he whispered, his body shuddering from her kisses. "You've been my world longer than you'll know..."

"And I want to repay you. Please let me repay you."

"Grace, wait, I don't understand--"

"You offered me everything I could ever want, now I want to offer you what you've been craving," Grace explained, guiding his hands to the loose sash cinched around her waist. She could feel the soft tremors of nervousness coursing through Howie's hands, causing her to moisten her lips with certainty. With baited breath, she helped him untie it and easily allowed it to slip from her bare body. It fluttered dramatically to the thickly carpeted floor like with the silk shimmering at her bare feet as she stood in all her glory.

The moonlight basked a faint glow against her peaches and cream complexion, accenting the sweet strawberry highlights in the honey curls that cascaded in perfect ringlets down her defined shoulders. All the walls she had built around her heart were destroyed the second she offered herself completely to the man that made her weak. She bit down softly on her moist bottom lip as she waited for Howie's appropriate reaction, never so unsure of her nudity before. The sweet contours of her beautiful body were ripe with youth, supple and well defined. The swell of her heavy breasts rising with each shallow breath she attempted to calm her nerves. She was amazingly gorgeous. Even the scar along her ribcage seemed sensual to her naked form. "I want you to have me, Stranger."

"You... Grace, I... oh, you're so beautiful..." Howie trailed off, battling both sides of his mind between what he wanted and what they needed. "This isn't right. I don't want you giving yourself to me as a repayment... I want it to be mutual and I want it to be making love, but you don't believe in it."

Grace frowned openly at Howie's less than enthused reaction. "This is mutual. I want you--"

"You don't believe in love. Nor in making love. I can't just have sex with someone, especially one I care about so much."

"It's the same thing," Grace attempted to stress as Howie bent down to grasp her robe. Quickly, he wrapped it around her to conceal her beautifully nude form. Afraid to even touch her silky skin by any means as he forced her to hold the robe together. It was almost worse than a physical slap to her face and she recoiled in that manner. Her heart started to actually ache as she just stared at him in disbelief. No man had ever turned her down before, whether she wanted him or not. "Stranger, please--"

"It's not the same thing, Grace. I'm sorry, but I can't use you like that. I just can't," Howie shook his head. He didn't want to reject Grace but he couldn't sleep with her when all she believed in was sex and nothing more. "I want it to mean more to you than just sex."

"What the Hell is wrong with you?" she whispered, unable to keep the pain from projecting in her bitterly strained voice. She clutched the robe tightly to her now shivering body, all the self esteem that she had built in the past few weeks crumbling in mere seconds. She felt tears burn against her murky emerald eyes, but she refused to give him the satisfaction of seeing her cry. Denying her had been enough for one night.

"What the Hell is wrong with me? I don't like using women as a repayment for something I'm willing to do. I'm not trying to hurt you--"

"Funny way of showing it."

"Damnit, Grace! I'm not like AJ or Nick, alright? I told you how I feel and how I see the difference between making love and sex. I told you."

"Just forget it, okay," she mumbled, brushing against him in attempts to flee the awkwardly painful situation.

"I still care about you!" Howie grabbed her arm.

"Fine!" she yelped in shock, obviously not prepared for him to grasp her so tightly nor yank her toward him. She felt her arm rip from the force, causing a wide-eyed expression to flourish on her already hurt face.

"I didn't mean to hurt you, Grace. You're the most beautiful and amazing woman I've ever met. I care about you, I like you... I feel so much for you and I'm sorry. I just can't have sex with you when that's all you see it and nothing more."

"You made your point, okay, now let go of me," she finally growled, the sweetly shy woman Howie had broken through to so long ago disappearing beneath a thicker wall.

"Why are you doing this? You aren't even listening to my reasoning!"

"I think you putting my robe back on made it clear enough. I was giving you what I thought you wanted. But I was wrong. Would you stop throwing it in my face and let me go to bed? Early dance rehearsals tomorrow, remember?"

"I don't like using women. You may be used to that, but it's something I don't do--"

"Let me go. The last man who didn't ended up with a broken jaw."

"Gracie, please just listen--"

"Don't call me Gracie, don't ever call me Gracie," she actually hissed, yanking her arm back sharply despite the consequences. She didn't care about the physical pain however, more concerned about the fact that tears were ready to spill at any second. And she refused to let a man get control over her like that again. So, she left.

"Grace!"

"Just forget it!" she hollered, slamming her bedroom door and locking it tightly behind her.

"Damnit, Grace!" he cursed, running to the locked door. "Grace, how can you punish me for my beliefs?! That's not fair and you know it! "

But she didn't answer and Howie feared she never would.

Chapter 15 – All For Love

"If it isn't my favorite dancer!" Kitra whistled excitedly as she beckoned Grace forward, practically bouncing in her stool as the young woman stepped forward in her first costume for the Black & Blue tour. After much deliberation, AJ and Howie had concluded that Kitra's unique fashion sense had to be incorporated into the edgier tour that they were starting this year. She had a knack for selecting the right types of styles for the right people, not to mention some of her original designs were absolutely gorgeous. So, AJ had given her complete creative freedom as a working outlet, trusting her to make the best selections when it came to the tour. And, so far, they hadn't gone wrong as a long day of costume preparation lay ahead. Everyone was clogged into the large studio complex where Kitra headed the dress coordination, taking on a few select clothing alterations herself. Especially when it came to Grace and the boys.

"I'm glad AJ figured out the perfect way to use your better talents," Grace confided as she turned on the platform so Kitra could work her wonders in adjusting the somewhat baggy dress on Grace's slender form. She exhaled a soft yet depressed breath as she hung her arms toward her sides. The previous night had been an absolute disaster and Grace had hoped to forget the entire hellish nightmare. Only, her bleak emerald eyes shared a different story, so she made sure to face opposite of Kitra's critical eyes, watching the male dancers instead of Howie, who had been practically leering at her since she arrived.

"I guess my weird fashion sense is finally useful for something." Kitra smiled as she pulled the fabric closer to Grace's sleek body, carefully pinning where she would have to sew later. She knew something had happened between her best friend and Howie just by the slumping posture and baiting breaths. "What's wrong, Racie?"

"Couldn't sleep last night," Grace somewhat lied, allowing Kitra to turn her to access the front of her costume. This one had been decided especially for the More Than That number when the girls danced on the lower stage as the boys sang from above. Gentle pastel lighting would be used with a fog machine, creating a beautiful aura as the girls danced and descended and rose with the trap doors on the stage. To compliment this, Kitra had selected beautiful silk gown with various lengths of handkerchief skirting that would flow easily with the girls' graceful movements. So far, Grace had been given the light green dress, accenting her beautiful dark emerald eyes, which she kept closed as she attempted not to laugh as Kitra's hands moved over her ticklish body.

"I figured as much since you were wandering around when I stopped by this morning to take a shower and change." Kitra poked Grace's ticklish spot with her thimble covered index finger. "What else happened?"

"Nothing, but you're going to get blood on this dress if you keep tickling me," Grace yelped softly with another giggle, immediately causing Howie to frown from a few feet away.

"Why I get the feeling you're yet again hiding something from me, Racie-Cakes?"

"Yeah, my blood which is supposed to stay in my veins and arteries."

"Grace--"

"Is she that damn fat that you have to let out all those seams or what?" Corrine snapped from her throng of dancers. Her glassy blue eyes were dark with disgust as she simply glared at Grace with a hatred that seemed to be kindled by the devil himself.

"Ugh, you again?! Draeger, I already did your dress fitting. Need I remind you that Tima freaked when I had to tell her you gained five pounds in a week? If you're calling anyone fat, take a look in the mirror," Kitra snapped, turning to glare back at Corinne.

"She just loves me," Grace whispered with a dry sarcasm as Corrine scowled darkly at Kitra, muttering something under her breath that caused the other female dancers to giggle and snicker. "Her and all the girls threw me this really pretty congratulation celebration after rehearsal the other day. Apparently, it's good luck to get all your clothing shredded up, thrown in the toilet, and covered in lipstick..."

"Racie, why won't you tell Tima what's going on? Corinne is the worst dancer on this damn troupe, she could easily be gone by your word," Kitra stressed as she finished pinning the dress.

"This is like some stupid hazing ritual in a sorority, only I get it twice as bad because I'm not one of them truly. I don't have much room to talk since I came from a strip joint and they can easily toss my ass back if I don't play well with others," Grace sighed, allowing Kitra to help her take off the dress without hurting her flesh with the pins. She ignored the blatant stares from all the male dancers, not really knowing she was that beautiful to begin with. Instead, she focused on Kitra as she dressed into her next costume and glanced back to Corinne. "Besides, she's Howie's ex-girlfriend..."

"Your point being? That was called harassment, Racie, and no one has to put up with it," Kitra disagreed with a mouthful of pins as she began her work.

"We have something in common."

"What do you mean?"

"Howie."

"But he's her ex... not yours."

"I guess." Grace shrugged as Kitra started to fix her white cargo pants, making sure that they hugged low on her hips to display her fantastically trim abdomen and always beautiful belly button ring. "Bet she even slept with him without having to beg."

"I heard the first time wasn't mutual."

"He raped her?"

"What? Hell no! She raped him."

Grace glanced toward Kitra with confusion. "Excuse me?"

"Guys do get raped, Racie. You just never hear about it because society claims it only happens to women."

"But they dated for--"

"She told him that the press would know all about the rape if he didn't stay with her... then she got tired of him and broke it off anyway."

"How the Hell did you find this out?"

"AJ... he's the only one who knows."

"Why did he tell you that?" Grace whispered softly, unable to get her voice to project any louder. The darkness surrounding Howie's love life was almost as heart breaking as the darkness that encompassed Grace's entire life. She immediately started to assess her own actions from the previous night, wondering if she could have considered herself a rapist for pushing herself on Howie. Not that it mattered, because he had virtually shattered any remains of her small heart when he denied her.

"We were talking about our pasts and it just came up."

"Howie's past came up when you two were talking about yours?"

"Well... yours and Howie's, too."

"You told AJ about--"

"Not everything. It was a confession night, okay?"

"Kit--"

"I'm sorry, I won't do it again."

"What did you tell him about me?" Grace groaned softly as she stepped out of the white outfit to step into the next.

"He asked how we became friends, so I told him," Kitra replied quietly.

"How much of that story did you tell him?" Grace immediately questioned as Kitra focused on her work. The avoidance of connecting their eyes gave Grace all the answers that she would ever need. "Of course, you couldn't just tell him that you bumped into this little seventeen year old in Florida who had came down from Kentucky to pursue her dreams. No, you had to tell him about that battered and bruised little seventeen year old covered in blood and half way into a psychotic trip because she had no choice but to run from Kentucky--"

"Racie, calm down. I don't even know the whole story, so how much can I really tell him?" Kitra interrupted.

"Nothing can ever be perfect in my life, can it?" Grace whispered with obvious pain, folding her hands across her face. She refused to break down in such a public place, but life was just too hard anymore. Sometimes, she felt like just walking into the ocean she loathed so much and let it swallow her whole. Yet, her thoughts were drawn backward as Kitra's hand accidentally brushed against the bruise Howie had caused last night from attempting to get Grace back into her arms. She jerked away in shock at the pain, causing Kitra to reach and find the problem.

"What the Hell happened, Racie? Who did this to you?" Kitra looked up at Grace in surprise.

"I was trying to play whips and chains with Howie last night," she attempted to joke with a tight laugh.

"Don't lie to me. Did he hit you?"

"Lord no--"

"Then what happened?"

"Nothing," Grace sighed, her words holding a painful double meaning.

"Nothing my ass--"

"Kitra, that's the point, nothing happened."

"But how--"

"It was an accident," Grace interrupted, noticing Brian, AJ, and Howie finally starting to approach both the women. It seemed that everyone's fittings were done besides the boys and Kitra had made a special request to do theirs. Now, the room was somewhat empty, except for Corinne waiting near the edge, obviously wanting to speak with Grace. She could only imagine what the woman actually wanted to do to her, but that's something she'd rather face than Howie. So, quickly, she shrugged off her costumes in attempts to leave.

"Whoa, hold on, you're going to get pricked!" Kitra objected, helping Grace out of the last costume. "This isn't the Nextel Cup, you know. Where are you going--"

"I promised Zoey I would stop by and help her with her dance team moves."

"Racie--"

"You know my body better than anyone in this world, Kitty, you can do the alterations by heart," Grace quickly interrupted, shrugging on her long sleeved t-shirt over her tank top and short black shorts. She then hopped into her sneakers, attempting to rush out without having to see Brian, AJ, or Howie.

"Gracie-Babe! Where are you--"

"Can't stay. Bye!" Grace breathed, pushing her way past and out the door.

"What did you do to her?" Kitra immediately accused of Howie, stepping toward him with several pins pointed directly at his chest. An overwhelming air of protectiveness raced through her heart as her body tensed with disgust. "I saw that damn bruise on her arm and I swear to God, Dorough--"

"I didn't do a damn thing!" Howie held up his hands in defense.

"I will poke your fucking eyes out!"

"Holy shit, Kitty," AJ yelped in surprise, diving toward the woman before she could physically attack Howie. He easily hoisted her into his arms as Brian reached to pluck the pins from her flailing hands. But, that didn't stop her mouth from exploding with sharp expletives.

"I told her that she could fucking trust you! She finally lets her guard down for one second and you hurt her! You damn bastard! Don't deny that fucking bruise on her arm, because there's no way that she could put a black monkey paw that damn size on herself! And she's acting completely different! I can see it in her eyes and I know her better than anyone! You fucking asshole! WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER?!"

"I SAID NO TO HAVING SEX WITH HER! ALRIGHT?! I DIDN'T WANT TO USE HER LIKE THAT BECAUSE I FUCKING LOVE HER!" Howie finally exploded, startling his friends and shutting Kitra up.

"Holy shit," Brian actually murmured.

"You want to think twice about hurting him, Kitty?" AJ whispered into the now silent Kitra's ear.

Kitra stared at Howie for the longest moment, judging the seriousness of his dark eyes. It seemed to make far more sense than what she originally thought, especially with the way Grace had been behaving. Comparing herself to Corinne as an ex-girlfriend and the suggestion that Corinne could actually sleep with Howie. For that moment, Kitra felt slightly foolish, but not for being protective of her best friend. "What about the bruise?"

"She was walking away when I was trying to explain. I grabbed her arm and she fought me. I didn't mean to hurt her, Kitra. That woman is my world and the only reason I turned her down for sex was because I care about her. I want to make love to her. I don't want to just fuck her like other guys have. I want it to mean something for the both of us. But she doesn't understand."

"God..."

"Is that explanation enough, Kit? Or do you still want you poke my eyes out?"

"I'm not going to apologize for being protective of Racie. She has no one else."

"I'm not saying that. But don't you threaten me when you don't know the whole story."

"Fine..."

"I love Grace more than anything. That's why I didn't have sex with her."

"You should have just done it."

"Why?"

"Because you know what you feel for her is real and you would consider it making love. But Racie is never going to believe in love or in making love. She has no reason to... She never did..."

"She never did until she met me."

*~*~*

"What the Hell are you doing?" Kitra spoke bluntly as she shuffled into the kitchen to find AJ's naked form hunched over the fridge with a large garbage can perched at his side. The sound of glass hitting glass echoed throughout the large kitchen, but Kitra was more concerned with the fact that AJ was naked and standing in front of the fridge. They had just spent the afternoon wrapped within blankets and comforters with a rage of sexual aggression. Kitra's erotic senses had peaked and mixed with the worry she felt for Grace, who hadn't returned to Howie's house nor returned a phone call since the costume fitting. In the back of her mind, Kitra knew that Grace was safe and sound. The younger girl was a loner at heart and sought some kind of peace since her heart had been broken so tragically. But, Kitra couldn't help but worry, especially as her emotions raged with AJ and Howie's misery increased two fold.

"I was just thinking while I was watching you sleep," AJ murmured, grabbing the last Jack Daniel's hidden in the fruit drawer.

"And you came to the conclusion of cleaning out the fridge bare-ass naked?" Kitra raised an eyebrow, wrapping AJ's robe around her body to keep the chill away.

"Need something to get my mind off your hot body," AJ answered with a crafty smile, moving to gather the rest of the alcohol throughout the various portions of his fridge. He had decided when she was sleeping that it truly was time to make a commitment to not only himself, but Kitra and Howie. Since Grace had shoved Howie away like a piece of yesterday's junk mail, AJ had found Howie attempting to lean on him more and more. And AJ yearned to be there for his best friend, but he couldn't do anything for him while continuing to drink and snort various chemicals up his nose. And he had already promised Kitra to tone down the behaviors. But, while watching her sleep, he hoped that maybe if he quit everything that it would prove to her that he could be a golden boyfriend. That he could have the type of love that Howie was fighting so desperately to keep.

"That doesn't tell me what you were thinking or what you're doing," Kitra chuckled, though her eyes were watching as each bottle shattered in the trash can, leaking the burning fluids that killed her pain.

"I was thinking I've got to get all this booze the hell out of my house."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I promised you how many weeks ago that we would try to stop all this stupid shit... Yet, all the shit is still in my house... How can I prove to you that I'm good on my word if I don't start taking some kind of action?"

"That's a good point," Kitra shuffled to the fridge with a smile. She was proud of AJ for facing his addictions, but deep down she was having trouble with her own. "You had to be naked to do it, though?"

"Clothes didn't seem like a priority," he shrugged, tossing the last bottle into the trash that would be thrown onto the curb as soon as he finished.

"Can't say I'm complaining." She reached over and pinched his behind.

"Ow!" he yelped in surprise, practically tumbling into his large fridge.

"Oops?"

"Oops?" AJ groaned as he jumped away from the chilliness of his fridge. He slammed the heavy door as he glanced back to Kitra, who was smirking with obvious interest. He followed her gaze toward his maleness and actually blushed when he noticed its smallness. "You think you're so damn cute, don't you?"

"I don't think. I know." She continued to smirk, finding his blushing plain adorable.

"Can you finish a sentence for me?" AJ questioned as he stepped toward her.

"Depends on the sentence."

"Payback is..."

"Such a... oh shit--"

"EXACTLY!" AJ growled, chasing after her as she attempted to scramble from the kitchen. Only, he was scrappy and fast, tackling her hard onto his long couch. Immediately ripping open his favorite robe, he buried himself inside the warm fabric with Kitra's bare body, allowing the coldness to seep into her with her shrieks of laughter.

"You little brat! Your body is all cold!" Kitra tried to squirm away from AJ but only succeeded in getting tangled up within the robe

"But you're warming me up," he promised, naturally finding the curve where her neck attached to her sleek shoulders for delicate kisses.

"Lucky bastard..."

"Lucky bastard?"

"If you had been any other guy, your ass would have been beat."

"Am I special to you?"

"Yes... you are."

"Good," he approved, lifting his upper body weight with his arms so he could stare down at Kitra. He could hardly contain the proud smile forming on his handsome face, offering a somewhat angelic quality to his usual streak of devilishness. "Because I don't think I could live without you."

"Alex... don't, you'll make me cry and I look hideous enough," Kitra actually sniffled, turning away from AJ's gaze.

"Okay, okay," he relented, bending down to place a sweet kiss against her lips, his body already significantly warmed by hers. He was always telling her how beautiful she was, but the way she looked away told him not to press his luck. After all, the no strings attached was still in effect until Kitra said otherwise. "Can I make it up to you?"

"How?"

"Dinner?"

"Just the two of us?"

"Yeah, we got you a lot beautiful dresses the last time we went shopping. We'll both get showers, get dressed up, and go to an expensive restaurant... We can celebrate your fantastic designs for the tour and probably do a little more shopping to get you ready for the tour."

"Then we can come back home and... get warm?" she smiled, trailing a line down the middle of his spine.

"We can get warm in the car, at the restaurant, in the changing rooms, and--"

"You're lucky I've got so much birth control. Damn nymphomaniac."

"You're the one always begging me--"

"I do not beg!"

"Okay, you whine mostly--"

"Alexander James."

"Kitra Holly."

"You drive me crazy."

"That's what makes life so exciting, Kitty."

*~*~*

"Howie?" AJ called loudly as he rapped heavily on the older Latino’s front door, waiting for any type of response. Usually, AJ would enter without any warning, but things had been tense over the past few days. Since the sexual blunder between the blossoming lovers, Howie and Grace had both transitioned into pitiful places of loneliness. Grace refused to speak to Howie, actually even forgetting to return to the house for several days. Kitra had assured AJ that Grace was probably just bouncing between friends' homes from Devil's, mostly George's home, but for Howie's sake, AJ was worried about Grace. It wasn't fair that his best friend was suffering so, especially with all the Hell AJ had already been putting him through over the dangerous months. Not to mention Howie's awful track record with vicious women. And, for once, AJ put aside his selfishness in order to reach out to Howie as he finally opened the front door and traveled toward the living room, despite the irritability of going sober. "D? Where are you?!"

"Cleaning the bathroom," Howie finally answered, walking onto the landing upstairs to look down at AJ. His usually warm brown eyes were now murky along with his hair, which he normally took such care of, was disheveled and somewhat greasy.

"Did you think about dunking yourself in the cleaning supplies while you were at it?" AJ questioned, somewhat relieved that Howie had even made a physical appearance.

"And smell like a pine tree? Tempting as that sounds, I'll pass," Howie replied with a careless shrug of his shoulders.

"I know this is a completely asshole-ish question, but I figure it might get you to talk, so I'll try it..." AJ trailed as he stepped further into the living room. "How you doing, D?"

"You're right, it is an asshole-ish question. How do you think I'm doing? Grace hasn't been here in days, she won't talk to me, she won't answer my calls and at rehearsals she won't even look at me."

"At least you’re not her dance partner?" AJ attempted to joke.

"Not funny."

"Then talk to 'Tima about switching her into--"

"Oh yeah, then I'll get the 'never mix business with pleasure' speech and get Grace in trouble. No."

AJ exhaled a slow sigh as he eased his aching body onto the couch. He immediately clasped his hands together so Howie wouldn't see the fine tremors practically turning his body into a small earthquake. He didn't want Howie to know that he had given up alcohol completely, in case he slipped back into the problems again. He wanted it to be a surprise and he couldn't take the look of disappointment in Howie's eyes again. Not after what they had already been through. Closing his eyes, AJ tried to focus himself back to the task at hand. "I'm sorry that you actually had to stand up for your beliefs and risk losing Grace like that... But I'm proud you didn't sink to my level and just sleep with her..."

"You are?" Howie raised an eyebrow as he descended the lavish stairs.

"Yeah... You really care about Grace..."

"More than anything, J... I love that woman so damn much and she slipped from my fingers all because..." Howie sighed heavily.

"She didn't slip from your fingers. Not yet..." AJ attempted to instill hope, glancing briefly toward the one man he considered to be closer to his heart than any other. "For what it's worth, Kit said she's just bouncing around in the city... She's safe... And she's shown up to all the rehearsals, so you know she's okay..."

"But she's not here with me."

"I know man, I know. You've just got to give her time to think about everything. She's not used to the feelings you've given her."

"I haven't given her any feelings, she made that pretty clear when she told me that there's no difference between sex and love--"

"Howie, she doesn't know what love is. You have to show her what it is."

"I've tried--"

"And if you want her so badly, then you're going to have to try harder.”

"I have--"

"Much harder."

"J--"

"Do you love her?"

"I..."

"Please don't insult me like that, D. I'm really trying to help here."

"I love her... I really do."

"Then you'll do anything to prove it to her."

"I'm just so damn lost."

"How do you think Grace feels?"

"I wouldn't know..."

"That's why you have to talk to her."

"Again, J, I--"

"Need to get your act cleaned up and try to get to George's to find her?"

"J--"

"Honestly, D, you look like Hell. You even let your hair go."

Howie furrowed his dark brows in confusion as he ran a hand through his shorter curls. Sure enough, he felt the slickness of his natural hair oil, causing him to cringe. He shook his head in disbelief, glancing toward AJ. Grace had a way of making everything in his life stop. "Guess I should go get a shower, huh?"

"Might be a good idea. You know how she likes to run her hands through your hair."

"That's the only reason I cut my long hair... Her comment about it being unsettling that I use a hair iron more than she does really got to me..." Howie chuckled, though the pain was still evident in his eyes.

"Now that's love, D. You'll get her back."

Howie nodded as he stood, preparing to dash up the stairs for a quick shower. Only, he hesitated halfway to catch AJ's actually patient gaze. "What made you come over here?"

"I was worried about you."

"Honestly?"

"Swear to God."

Howie smiled with great appreciation. "That means a lot to me, Alex."

"I know. I'm just trying to be there for you liked I used to be."

"When you want it to be, your will and strength are absolutely amazing," Howie confided with another kind smile, dashing up the stairs.

AJ couldn't help but grin at the compliment Howie had bestowed upon him. It seemed like centuries since someone had actually said a kind word about his character. For the most part, everything worried about his bad behaviors, but Howie was actually able to see the good. So, AJ decided he'd stay until Howie got out of the shower. Maybe even take a ride with him to locate Grace.

Only, that thought was short lived as the front door opened softly. He immediately craned his neck to look for the source as Grace popped her head into the living room. She looked like a painful mess as her emerald eyes widened with apprehension. Her bottom lip was split off toward the corner of her mouth, marked with a red hand print that was fading into a series of colorful bruising. She limped awkwardly as she stepped in further in hopes to locate Howie and make a quick escape. "Is he here?" she asked.

"He's taking a shower... holy shit Grace, what the Hell happened to you?" AJ exclaimed quietly, getting to his feet.

"I'm pretty damn clumsy when music isn't playing," Grace answered with a careful shrug of her shoulders, tugging apprehensively on the bottom of her wrinkled t-shirt. After yesterday's rehearsal, Corinne had actually decided to teach Grace a lesson about stealing the limelight and embarrassing her in front of the other dancers, not to mention the fact that all the male dancers made sure Grace had their numbers just in case. The woman was surprisingly violent as she surprised Grace in the empty hallway, slapping her hard across the face before pushing her down the stairs. Grace was just thankful that she had ended up with a sprain instead of a break, refusing to admit that she had let someone get the upper hand again.

"Okay, that's bullshit. Tell me what happened--"

"I tripped down some stairs," Grace immediately defended, just wanting to collect a few things from her make-shift bedroom without Howie noticing. She had been spending the nights at George's house, but he couldn't provide everything for her.

"Grace--"

"Honestly, okay?" Grace interrupted again, slowly moving toward the stairs and gritting as she put pressure on the tender ankle. "Nothing's broken. I just need to get some stuff before Stranger--"

"He's worried about you. That guy even let his hair get all nasty because he only thought about you. Why can't you let him explain? He's not like me, he doesn't sleep with women without thinking--"

"I don't need an explanation, because nothing happened."

"He cares about you, Grace!"

"I know--"

"Then why are you avoiding him? It's killing him, you know, to have someone he cares about so much just dump him to the side like yesterday's garbage."

"I didn't dump him--"

"What do you call this? Not talking to him, staying at other people's houses, walking out of the studio when he comes in... what's that, Grace?"

"Avoidance."

"Why? Because he has morals and didn't want to fuck you? He wants to make love to you Grace, and that means a lot to him."

Grace's cheeks flushed pink with embarrassment as she turned to catch AJ removing his sunglasses from his soulful brown eyes. Only, she was hurt that the one of the hardest days in her life had been revealed to the whole group when she just wanted to forget. "God, is this like a big joke between all of you? Did you get a good laugh when he told you? I'm surprised Nick didn't give me a call to take Howie's place--"

"Stop. Don't even finish that sentence. It's not a joke because it's not funny. Howie is up there hurting in so many ways, Grace. If you think that was just your bad night, think again. It affects both sides," AJ interrupted with a deep frown. "Howie respects you more than any other man has before him and you're not used to it."

"Why do you even care?"

"Because when you came into Howie's life... I hadn't seen him so happy. Ever. He always put on a front but I always saw through it. He needs someone like you to feel complete."

"Someone like me who practically raped him the other night. Like he really needs another woman like that," Grace breathed with obvious regret, shaking her head to clear away AJ's actually soothing words. At that moment, she had no desire to retrieve whatever items she had come for, just wanting to leave again.

"What? You didn't--"

"Kit told me what Corinne did to Howie. I almost raped him."

"Grace, that's bullshit--"

"No, it's not. I made him strip me and..." Grace's throat tightened so she couldn't even muster the courage to finish her sentence. Furiously shaking her head, she limped toward the front door. This wasn't worth the pain.

"Wait!" AJ gently took her arm. "You didn't rape him. He wants to be intimate with you more than anything. He just has this belief about making love; you've got to understand that."

"AJ..."

"He wants to connect with you in ways you haven't even thought of. He wants to be with you. He wants to make love to you."

"You're trembling," Grace whispered, sidetracking off the important conversation like she was notorious for doing.

"We're talking about you and Howie--"

"There is no me and Howie, but you're shaking like a leaf."

"Yes there--"

"C'mere," Grace finally interrupted, pulling her arm away from AJ's grasp. He was about to reach for her again, but Grace wrapped him into her warm embrace. She rested her chin on his shoulder as she gently rubbed his back, calming the tremors immensely. "When Kit tried to quit before, she actually started seizing in bed... She crawled into my bed all the time and I just held her till it stopped... Having a warm body close to yours while you detox seems to help a lot..."

"Thank you..." AJ trailed off as he closed his eyes for a moment. "Grace, please... just give Howie another chance..."

"He's not the one that needs another chance," Grace answered softly as she continued to rub AJ's back, feeling his trembling significantly reduce into just a few passing shivers. She knew that she was the one that had to take full blame. And, when she accepted full blame, it made it easier for her to forget what happened. The emotions had just been so raw the past few days, but now the painful roots of her feelings were dying, making it easier to bear once again. "It's me that has to ask him for another chance, but I don't deserve it."

"Yes you do, because he will give it to you. He cares so damn much about you."
"Why do you care so much, AJ? What possibly changed in you since the last time we were at Devil's? In fact, what could have possibly changed since the last time you groped me in this very house?"

"Kitra and Howie. They made me realize in their own ways that I need to change for the better..."

"AJ--"

"You and Howie care about each other. Don't lose that."

"Shouldn't I say the same thing about you and Howie?"

"What do you mean?"

"He cares about you more so than he cares about me... If he cares about me... You were his best friend in the entire world, but you lost that when you turned away. You don't have any idea how much it hurts to watch someone you love fall apart. Do everything that is so wrong for them when you just want to hold them and protect them from everything. I'm so glad that you're deciding to stop drinking and recreational drug use, although you probably won't admit it... Just realize how much it effects Howie before you start talking to me about how much I'm hurting him."

"Grace... I've realized a lot lately... That's why I'm trying to help Howie for all the times he tried to help me."

"Good," Grace answered, finally withdrawing her arms away from AJ. She patted his back briefly before cupping his face into her hands. She really had to get what she needed and leave before Howie became aware of her presence. She wasn't ready to confront him in order to forget, though she knew it was important to her career and his life. "If you keep trembling like that, just have Kit hold you, preferably bare skin to bare skin."

"I don't think I'll have a problem doing that..."

"Somehow I'm not surprised."

Chapter 16 – Reaching an Understanding

Howie was honestly speechless as he stepped into Grace's makeshift bedroom, fully prepared to find it cold and empty. After all, she had disappeared all together from his life so quickly after his stand against taking advantage of her. And, he was absolutely miserable without her. So, he had bought a beautiful gift as an apology with a long note that he planned to just sit in the middle of her bed for whenever she returned. Yet, his plans were botched as he gazed at the beautiful angel already sprawled on the bed. Her arms were curled neatly underneath the thick pillows as she dozed softly, Center Stage continuing to play on the flat screen TV. Her right leg was extended on another nestle of soft pillows, taking Howie's awareness when he realized it was covered with ice and wrapped tightly with an ace bandage. It looked as if she had intended on hiding out for an extended period of time, but it was too late as Howie set the gifts on the nightstand and carefully eased his body onto the bed.

"Don't. That's my favorite part," Grace mumbled sleepily as she caught his hand trying to turn off the TV with the remote perched against her hip.

"But you were sleeping--"

"I can still hear it."

"Okay..." Howie trailed awkwardly as he allowed her to take the remote. She tossed it onto the carpeted floor and carefully shifted to focus her attention on the TV. She said nothing more to Howie as he just watched her, trying to form the appropriate words in his brain. He never imagined that his morals would get him into so much trouble, especially when he desired Grace so badly. He actually thought about just taking hold of her then and throwing her into a wildly passionate rhythm of love making, but knew better. So, shielding away his thoughts, he focused on her ankle. Sliding toward the bottom of the bed, he removed the melting bag of ice and started to unwind the ace bandage.

Still groggy, Grace made no attempted to yank her tender ankle away from his gentle hands. In fact, she was oblivious to his doings until he touched a heavily blackened and swollen area beneath her protruding ankle bone. She yelped softly with a sharp pain, immediately snapping her weary emerald eyes open to practically glare at him for disturbing her tender ankle. "What are you doing?"

"Checking out your ankle. I've hurt mine I don't know how many times, so I thought I would just... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to--"

"It's just a sprain," she answered with a weak shrug of her shoulders, biting down hard on her bottom lip as Howie continued to rest her ankle on his lap. Sharp pains wrenched within her ankle as Howie actually assessed the heavy swelling and bruising. She had followed through with dance rehearsals every day that week and it was agony. No one would have realized she was hurt though, because she danced through the pain. Life wasn't without pain. She knew that by heart.

"You've been dancing on this ankle? Grace, you could cause a lot of damage doing that," Howie clicked his tongue softly, placing the ice on the swollen tissue for a moment.

"Like I was honestly going to give Corinne the satisfaction of seeing me sitting on my ass by Fatima while she danced into your arms," Grace scoffed quietly beneath her breath, clutching her pillows tightly until the coldness started to soothe the fiery pain.

"What was that?"

"Nothing. You didn't have to look at my ankle. It's not a big deal--"

"Grace, this is a big deal," Howie objected softly as he glanced up, finally recognizing the fading bruise along her cheek bone and the healing split bottom lip.

"It's not that bad," she objected softly, attempting to take her ankle away from his grasp, to cut their contact in half. She hadn't exactly meant to have Howie stumble upon her. She hadn't even really wanted to come back to his home, only Kitra said that she would be returning in a few hours. And Grace would rather not face Kitra's overwhelming accusations, deciding it'd be better just to stay. Only, now she didn't know what to think as she was greeted with the man she actually just wanted to forget.

"It's not just your ankle and the bruises. It's everything."

"That really narrows it down," she answered, unable to hide her frown as Howie kept her foot in his lap. Still applying the ice, he tenderly started to rub just above the searing pain, calming her dramatically. She felt tingles race up her spine as his soft fingers brushed faintly against her flaming skin. He had a way of making her yearn for him. Of course, that's what had gotten her into trouble in the first place.

"You know I didn't mean to hurt your feelings that night, Grace. I want you in so many ways it hurts but I... I wanted that intimate moment between us to be something more than just wanting to be intimate... do you understand?"

Grace watched him for the longest moment, not really sure of what to say. She really didn't have the heart to start another argument, especially with the way AJ continued to plead with her. Everyone just wanted things perfected between Grace and Howie again and they begged her to make it right. And, God knew that Grace wanted everything to just disappear within the tension. The tour was starting and she was slated to spend the time traveling in Howie's private tour bus. She couldn't afford to have this tension in her body. She had to focus on her life. She had to forget what had happened. Just another trial of survival. "Yeah... Don't worry about it, Howie..."

"Don't worry about it? You understand why I said no that night? Because I want us to make love--"

"Yeah. I understand. It's okay, we're okay."

Howie furled his dark brows with confusion as Grace quickly brushed away his gentle apologies. She was acting as if nothing had even happened between them, causing a new ache to form in the pit of his heart. In fact, he had somewhat hoped that by confronting the issue that Grace could start to understand the concept of love. The concept of him loving her forever. "Grace--"

"No hard feelings, promise," she answered, reaching to grasp the ace bandage so she could hurriedly bind her ankle and keep her eyes away from Howie's eyes. From this point, that night was just a blotched memory.

"No hard feelings or no feelings at all? I thought we... had something developing between us. Are we even together anymore?" Howie somewhat blurted out part of his fears, finding himself biting his bottom lip much like Grace did when she worried.

Grace actually softened for a moment when Howe reached to grasp the ace bandage to wrap her tender ankle. She glanced up in surprise to catch his dark brown eyes filled with a raw pain that she could hardly begin to understand. She was immediately reminded of Kitra's conversation about Howie being raped by Corrine, not to mention the other continuations of pain he had suffered through a variety of girlfriends. And, she knew she couldn't break his heart. Not with all that he had done for her. "Stranger--"

"I care about you. I would do anything for you. If you asked for the Milky Way galaxy so it could float in your bedroom... I would get it for you," Howie confessed, pinning the ace bandage closed.

"If you cared so much you would have just--" Grace's voice immediately dropped with the accusation as she leaned back onto the pillows and folded her hands against her flushed face. "You make this way too hard, Stranger."

"I care about you, that's why I said no to having sex. I want us to make love and that's what I believe in."

"Okay..."

"Okay?"

"I can respect your wishes."

"So... are we still together?"

"What do you think?"

"I'm praying yes?"

"Stranger," Grace sighed with a soft smile, knowing she had to make things work for him. If they broke up; her pending career on tour would be ruined. So, it was in her best interest to keep him pleased. Only, that's what she was telling her brain so she could keep her painful rejected emotions away from complicating her ideals. "You're way too adorable."

"I try." Howie shrugged. He knew things were far from being perfect between them, but he was taking all the little things he could get.

"I don't think you have to try to be adorable," she promised, leaning forward to fix the pillows beneath her ankle before brushing her fingers underneath his chin.

"Well, thank you," he smiled softly, taking a chance and brushing their lips together as if they were parting. “Very much.”

"Are you trying to leave me?"

"No way! I just thought maybe I could make some dinner..."

"I'd rather you just stay... Right here..." she confided, gesturing toward the opposite side of her bed. Her heart was aching to be close to Howie again, despite the obvious rejection she had faced. Selfishly, she just wanted him near so she could somewhat heal the shattered pieces into a makeshift wall. She'd use him for strength to fight away the darkness seeping into her life. Possibly torture him sexually for hurting her so critically. She could be a cruel tease.

"That's what you want?"

"Please?"

"Then how can I say no when it's something I want, too?" he smiled gently, crawling over to her left side. He opened his arms and she immediately melted into the embrace, resting her head on his chest. The beats of his heart soothing.

"I'm sorry I hurt you," she confided softly as she closed her eyes, resting her hand off to the side of his chest to feel the pulsation of his heart beat as she heard each steady beat. She absolutely adored listening to his heart. There was something so sensual about the act itself, though she'd never admit to it. She just wanted to make herself feel better, so she could live through the lies.

"It's okay. I'm sorry I hurt you, too. There are going to be fights, but that's part of a relationship. You can't have one that's absolutely perfect without some sour words. You learn more about each other that way," he explained as he kissed the top of her head, gently rubbing her back in circles.

"And what did you learn about me?" Grace questioned before she could stop the words from leaving her sweet lips. She immediately glanced up to catch his dark eyes as she rested her chin against his chest, knowing there was no way that she could take them back. No matter how much her brain was trying to fight for control; it seemed as if her heart were winning the war as Howie slowly started to drill through the steel cage of her heart again.

"I learned that you've been through more than I can imagine... than I'll ever imagine. And that you're not used to having a man care about you without wanting something. But I also learned how fragile and beautiful you are inside and out. But you also know how to take care of yourself. Deep down, you want to be loved... however, the past is making you believe there is no such thing. You would do anything for someone you keep close to your heart and that's amazing," Howie confessed softly, looking into her deep eyes.

"Stranger," she groaned as her throat constricted, turning her term of endearment into a slight squeak. No matter what she did, he always had a way of diving straight into her deepest emotions, fears, and hopes. It was amazing at some points, but terrifying when he pinpointed what truly mattered most in her life. Especially when she was doing her best to protect herself from getting hurt again. Being denied what she desperately wanted was painful enough.

"It's what I leaned about you, Gracie. I just hope someday you will let me in to care and truly love you."

"I think you might get tired of waiting," she sighed, attempting to pull away from his comfortable embrace. Her heart immediately complained with obvious annoyance at her over critical analysis of the situation. But it didn't matter as she shielded her injured ankle. It seemed so wrong that she was laying with him when they wanted such different things. In some sense, she was no better than Corinne. She was only thinking about her own benefits as Howie waited patiently. It really wasn't fair to him.

"I could never get tired--"

"Yes, you would. They all do in the end."

"Why do you always compare me to every other man that was in your life? I'm not like them. I refuse to be like them."

"Human behavior always wins out from moral backgrounds," Grace murmured, referring to Corinne's hateful attack as she attempted to test her ankle on the ground for stability. She couldn't lay with Howie anymore.

"No, it doesn't," Howie disagreed as he touched her arm. "What are you doing? You shouldn't be putting weight on your ankle."

"It's fine, not like I haven't been pushed down stairs before--"

"Pushed down the stairs? Who the Hell pushed you down the stairs?!"

"Huh?" she blanked, never realizing she had slipped up yet again. She had a way of speaking before her brain could sensor the information. She didn't know how many times she had been punished because of that.

"Who pushed you down the stairs? Don't tell me you didn't say it because you just did--"

"Stranger, calm down--"

"No, someone hurt you--"

"It was my own fault, please calm down," Grace attempted to interrupt, reaching back to push her hands gingerly against his mouth. Her emerald eyes were slightly watery with pain when she realized the seriousness of her mistake. Howie had never mentioned that Corinne was part of the dance troupe, nor his extensive history with her. So, Grace didn't want to be the first to bring her up, much less admit how horrible the woman was to her. It would hurt her pride and probably kill Howie.

"How can it be your fault?" Howie mumbled against her hands, his own eyes pleading with her to say who the culprit was.

"Because I instigated the entire event," she answered simply. "Besides, it's not your battle. You're not my protector--"

"Grace, you're my girlfriend. I'm not going to let some punk think he can push you down the stairs!"

"Stranger--"

"I'm not going to let him get away with it."

"It doesn't matter," she attempted to explain as he gingerly cupped her face in his hands again, studying the bruised handprint along her cheek bone and the healing split bottom lip. She attempted to frown without pain, wanting to pull away.

"It matters to me. Please, just tell me who did it."

"No--"

"Gracie. Please."

Grace truly wasn't familiar to Howie actually using a cute nickname to identify her, much less allowing his voice pulsate with a soft worry. So, him using the name 'Gracie' truly caused her eyes to mist as she finally yanked free. She knew he was putting all the pieces together, especially the bruising on her face. And she needed an escape. Only, she tumbled heavily from the bed, hitting her tender ankle sharply on the floor. She immediately cursed openly with pain, curling into a ball to hold her ankle with protection.

"DAMNIT! Why do I have to be so stupid?!"

"Shit! Gracie!" Howie yelped, jumping off the bed and rushing to her huddled form.
"Baby, you're not stupid. Just calm down--"

"Calm down? My ankle is on fire!" she snapped, blinking away tears of pain.

"Gracie--"

"Would you stop calling me that and just cut the damn thing off?!"

"Gracie, just stop! Take deep breaths and calm down," Howie leaned down and wrapped his arms around her.

"That's what I was trying to get away from," she gritted painfully as he pulled her up into his embrace. She continued to hold her ankle as she buried her face against his chest, squeezing her eyes shut as tightly as possible. She just wanted that pain to fade along with the pain in her heart.

"C'mon calm down. Shh, it's alright," he tried to soothe, rubbing her back again as he rocked back and forth.

She whimpered pathetically, "I'm trying--"

Howie cupped her cheek with a warm hand and brought their lips together for a sweet and passionate kiss. At first, Grace was stunned with his actions, never ever really prepared for when Howie wanted to kiss her. But, her thoughts never formulated correctly as the sharp pains in her ankle turned to a dull ache. She seemed to forget all about it as she tilted her head just slightly to initiate a deeper kiss. Her hand dropped from shielding her ankle and curled around the back of Howie's neck to bring him closer as she nibbled affectionately on his bottom lip before starting to caress his tongue with her own again. A bright fire licked within the center of her soul, practically begging for Grace to whisper words that she never understood before. They continued to kiss until both ran out of breath and Howie immediately pressed his forehead against hers. His heart beat fast, as it always did when he kissed Grace. It warmed him throughout his body and soul. "How does your ankle feel now?"

"What ankle?" she whispered, her voice coated with a husky delight.

*~*~*

Kitra was practically trembling as she lit the end of her makeshift cigarette filled with more dangerous chemicals than tobacco. Not that she really cared as she took the first long drag, sinking backward into the cold, empty tub with obvious delight. AJ had left for a management meeting several hours ago with a promise to take her out to a fancy restaurant when he returned. He wanted to celebrate some makeshift anniversary of them getting together, which just caused Kitra to go haywire. Neither had stated that the 'friend's with benefits' deal had shifted over to that of a true relationship, but it was obvious that the adjustment had automatically been made in AJ's mind. Which just caused Kitra to fall apart. They had promised each other that no strings would be attached within their sex, but slowly it was forming into something much more meaningful. And since AJ officially quit every dangerous substance known to man, things were getting far too clear. So, Kitra had to drown out the feelings, resorting to locking herself in the bathroom with a fresh bottle of Jack Daniels and her favorite drugs of choice in various forms. If she could set herself into a high before AJ returned, then she'd be safe for another night.

"God... I don't know what to do," Kitra sighed before taking another hit. The drugs were already swimming through her bloodstream as her nerves finally started to settle. "I can't fall in love. I can't. He's going to get tired of me just like Evan and all the other ones did."

When she first started in Florida after leaving home so abruptly, she assumed that she could find a man to take care of her needs. Many times she thought she was in love, but that was just a sorted mistake. The men always seemed to hurt her while using her to their benefits. The scar tissue around her heart was unbelievable as she became naturally offensive against men. She believed in love, but figured that it wasn't for her. She had a better time fulfilling her lust than searching for love. But AJ was so different... Though, it wasn't like she could really think straight as the heavier doses of drugs started to attack her central nervous system. The stimulant caused a rush through her system as she relaxed peacefully in the tub, enjoying the overwhelming pleasure. Her lust for the rush.

"It's just to get through the day... to get through the confusion. I'm not addicted," Kitra muttered to herself, drinking a long swig of Jack Daniels. The liquid burned her throat but she drank again and set the bottle on the edge of the tub.

But, those thoughts seemed to crash around her as the door to the bathroom was suddenly flung open without a bit of warning. "Baby, you getting all sexified for me or--"

"AJ, don't! Get out of here!" Kitra yelped in shock, sitting up. She looked around helplessly for a place to hide the evidence but it was futile.

AJ just stared at Kitra in pure disbelief as the Jack Daniels' bottle slipped from the thick lip of the tub and shattered hard against the marble floor. He didn't even wince from the sharp sound of glass as the liquid he so desperately attempted to give up washed over his expensive shoes. Honestly, his mind was blank with a silent outrage as he stared at his lover, wondering how she could have possibly betrayed him like that. As if the world hadn't hurt him enough, but the woman he was starting to trust with his heart had completely shattered him.

"Damn it... Alex--"

"Nice little party you're having here..." AJ finally voiced with a snarl of disappointment. His eyes practically shattered with a raw hurt that he had never felt before as he held his heart to stop the sharp throbbing. He had promised to stop this dangerous behavior for her and only her. To know that she didn't do the same was a vicious slap in the face.

"Alex, wait. I can explain--"

"Explain what? That while I'm having these tremors from fucking withdrawal that you're in here getting high and drunk? I was doing this for you, Kitra. And this is how you repay me?"

"It isn't--"

"Don't fucking talk to me, wouldn't want to waste the fucking high or anything," AJ growled with absolute contempt, shoving his hands deep into the pockets of his jeans. His violent tremors seemed to increase two fold as the anger raced through his system. He had been so anxious to get home to Kitra, now he didn't even want to look at her. "Now I know how Grace feels every time she looks at you. Damnit, Kitra!"

"Damn it, you don't fucking understand! I've been an addict twice as long as you--"

"That's not an excuse!"

"Alex--"

"Don't call me Alex. McLean is just fine from now on, Kitra."

"Will you just let me explain?!"

"NO! Which is what Grace should have been saying to you all along! I don't want your excuses! You promised that you would stop. Damnit, Kitra, did what I tell you all those late nights when I was hurting from withdrawal not affect you in any way?!"

"They affected me more than you will ever know! That's why I even did this!" Kitra blurted, clamping a hand over her mouth after the words slipped out.

"How the fuck does that work? You're just bullshitting--"

"I care about you, okay? And it fucking scares me!"

"Stop the lies, Kitra. If you're going to use, at least be truthful about the fucking choice. No use in being fake and a disappointment," AJ snarled as he walked back into his bedroom. Only, he wasn't prepared for Kitra to tackle him hard onto the bed. He attempted to flip her, but she easily straddled his waist, ripping open his expensive shirt. Buttons flew everywhere, but AJ was more shocked as she furiously pressed her lips against his, drowning his protests into a moan of obvious delight. He couldn't resist her.

"I care about you, McLean. More than you will ever know and I'm so damn scared, alright? I haven't felt anything like this before and I made a mistake," Kitra breathed against his lips before kissing him again. "I'm sorry."

"Stop--"

"I can't stop. I don't want you to hate me."

"All this time that I've been sober and clean, you were--"

"I know, I know, I know. I can say I'm sorry until the world ends but--"

"This isn't fair," AJ interrupted with a sharp groan as Kitra began to kiss every inch of his chest, biting a light pressure against his left nipple that he seemed to enjoy during foreplay. His entire body tensed as his member grew hard with her toying. She was making him weak.

"It's not fair?"

"Kitra, you know exactly what you're doing," AJ scorned as she bent lower on his body, outlining the '69' tattoo around his belly button with her tongue.

"I'm just trying to make it up to you..."

"You hurt me, Kitra," AJ hissed sharply as she started to nip at his flesh, inching her fingers beneath his baggy jeans.

"I know and I'm sorry, Alex. I really am. I was just so afraid."

"Are you going to do it again?" he murmured in surprise as she ripped away his belt and started furiously undoing the buttons on his jeans. The zipper even started to break as she pushed them off his hips as she straddled him and started pulling away her own clothing. He didn't understand why she was so forceful, almost as if she wanted to make him forget. But he didn't want to forget anymore. He wanted to deal with the pain.

"Never again... I'll come to you if I get a craving," she promised, leaning down to kiss him hard.

"Kitra--" But AJ's voice was drown with the depth of Kitra's tongue stroking against hers. He truly wanted to resist her advances, but he couldn't. He was hot and anxious to relieve the tension floating throughout his body and Kitra knew how to calm him after an explosion of fire. He was still weak to her. And the passion was spiraling out of control as he fell in love with her all over again, despite her many flaws.

*~*~*

"I don't think we could have ever found a better dancer than her, Howie," Kevin spoke freely as he kneeled beside his folded chair, watching the stage as the female dancers worked their routine for More Than That with the various trap doors and fog machines. The men were given a break, sprawling out just to observe the routines and absorb the finer points. Today was the last day of rehearsal and needed everything to pull together, from costume changes to working correctly on the stage that would be set up in every state. And, for once, Kevin was actually enjoying himself despite the tension of starting the tour after a week of vacation for the music group. He owed this enjoyment to Grace, nonetheless, the same woman he had been ready to condemn after visiting Devil's Playground so long ago. Since Fatima had paired him with the lovely woman, it was easy to say that Kevin had fallen in love. Not the kind of love that Howie experienced for Grace, but more so a big brother for a innocent little sister.

"Amen to that. She's amazing..." Howie agreed with a soft nod, watching Grace dance on the ankle that was still bothering her sometimes. No matter what he did, she would not tell him who had pushed her down the stairs, just saying over and over that it wasn't a big deal.

"She even outshines all the women that have been our dancers for how many years again?" Kevin continued to boast as AJ and Kitra gathered a few extra chairs to start a little party of audience members with Howie and Kevin.

"I know. It was like God meant for her to be a dancer," Howie smiled proudly, taking a long sip from his water bottle.

"And she's cute, too," Brian interjected with a lopsided grin, unable to stop laughing as he motioned toward Grace on the stage. Apparently, she had been so swept within her dancing that she forgot where the trap door was located for her mark to lower her beneath the stage for her next appearance. She had struck her beautiful pose on the tender ankle, waiting patiently with a sweet smile. Only, as the seconds passed, she began to realize that she wasn't in the correct spot. Finally, blushing furiously, she danced toward one of the female dancers that had actually accepted her, leaping professionally into their arms so they could lower together.

"Go, Racie!" Kitra cheered with a giggle as they all clapped.

"She is such a crackhead," AJ groaned with disbelief, covering his face to hide the laughter.

"Makes life interesting--"

"No doubt," AJ agreed as Howie suddenly turned back to them. The younger Latino jerked slightly, wondering what he had done wrong. Only, when Howie's eyes focused on Kitra, the worry started to quickly dissipate. For once, AJ was behaving himself.

"Did you know that Gracie hurt her ankle?" Howie questioned Kitra.

"Yeah, she told me she tripped or something. Why?" Kitra raised an eyebrow. She had conned it out of Grace what really happened but ended up being sworn to secrecy.

"She honestly told you that she tripped?" Howie frowned, easily noticing the nervous glint crossing Kitra's blue irises. She knew what had really happened and Howie had assumed as much. It was driving him crazy not knowing who had wanted to hurt Grace so fiercely, because not only had she been pushed down the steps, but she had been struck violently, too.

"Howie, she's such a klutz--"

"She told me someone pushed her down the stairs, but she won't tell me who," Howie confessed with a frown.

"Wait, someone pushed Grace down steps?" Brian immediately intervened with disgust.
"Yes and no matter how hard I try, she won't tell me who did it. She keeps saying she deserved it for pissing whoever off."

“It was probably Corinne," AJ chuckled with obvious amusement, watching Fatima continue to praise Grace as the dance moved forward toward the most difficult moves. He could see the scowl firmly set on Howie's ex-girlfriend's face and immediately made the joking assumption, not realizing how right he was. "That bitch is so fucking jealous of Grace it's ridiculous."

"Excuse me?" Howie turned to AJ again.

AJ paled at Howie's fierce gaze. "What'd I say?"

"What did you say about Corinne and Grace?"

"Corinne is jealous of Grace..." AJ trailed with a nervous twitch that was an added combination of alcohol withdraw and Howie's seriousness.

"She... and the... that fucking bitch, she's going to get her ass chewed out!" Howie growled, clenching his fists as he spoke broken sentences.

"Wait," Kevin sighed, shooting AJ a frustrated gaze. "You have no idea if that's who did it. For all you know, it could have been someone from Devil's who is less than thrilled that Grace quit. She didn't say a word about it being Corinne, so there's no way to accuse her. I know that tension is tight between you and her, considering your past relationship, but, like Fatima says, never mix business with pleasure--"

"She did it, Kev. I know she did."

"Grace didn't tell you that."

“She doesn't need to tell me. I can see it in her eyes when Corinne glares at her."
"You didn't even think about it until AJ said something--"

"If I tell you something will you promise not to tell Racie?" Kitra interrupted.

"Tell us what?" Brian questioned, knowing Kevin was still uneasy around AJ. Since the young Latino was still hiding the benefits of his relationship with Kitra, the rest of the group was still leery over the young woman. They didn't appreciate her drug use nor the fact that she gave AJ an outlet to burn his uses.

"Racie told me who pushed her down the stairs. I can't see Howie being ridiculed when he's right... Corinne pushed Racie, claiming it was part of the 'initiation'..."

"Are you shitting me?" AJ murmured in disbelief, his jaw dropping ajar at his correctness. "Why didn't the fireball just beat the shit out of her?"

"Racie's not like that. She would rather take the blame and be quiet rather than cause controversy."

"But she was so hostile with Howie--"

"No offense, but Howie wasn't giving her the chance to live out her dream at that point. She thought he wanted to take everything away from her at that point. And now that he's giving her everything, she's not going to jeopardize it. She may have low self esteem, but she'd do anything to get away from Devil's and Evan for that matter," Kitra answered softly, hating that she was betraying her friend's trust. "But you can't let her know that you know. She'd be furious. She already figured out that Corinne is Howie's ex-girlfriend and that's hard enough..."

"But it's not like Corinne can get Howie back--"

"It doesn't matter from that angle. It's the fact that Corinne is making her life Hell because Howie's happy again. She used to be the center of attention but now Racie is."
"And she compares herself to Corinne," AJ voiced softly, distinctly remembering his conversation with the energetic woman when her and Howie had their first sexual blunder.

"Why does she--"

"Every girl compares herself to her boyfriend’s last ex in some way..."

"So what is Howie supposed to do?" Brian questioned with obvious confusion, spinning his empty bottle of water on the floor. "We can't fire Corinne... Not this close to the tour and she'd probably slap us with a law suit or some shit."

"There's nothing he can do--"

"Can you stop talking like I'm not here?" Howie finally voiced through his pained silence.

"Sorry... You weren't saying anything..." Kitra apologized briefly, knowing if Howie decided to do anything by means of Grace that she'd be blamed.

"I was thinking."

"About?"

"What do you think?"

"Don't get defensive, I was just trying to help in the first place. If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't even know what happened--"

"You two calm down," AJ placed a gentle hand over Kitra's mouth as he glanced toward his best friend. "What are you going to do, D?"

"I--"

"BEAUTIFUL JOB, LADIES! I REALLY LOVE WHAT YOU'RE DOING! IT'S OFFICIALLY LUNCH TIME! TAKE A WELL DESERVED BREAK! GRACE! IF YOU INSIST ON DANCING ON THAT ANKLE DESPITE WHAT WE ALL SAY, I WANT A BAG OF ICE ON IT AND YOU OFF IT UNTIL WE START DANCING AGAIN. BY NO MEANS SHOULD YOU BE WALKING ON THAT MULTI-MILLION DOLLAR ANKLE AND RUINING YOUR BEAUTIFUL SKILLS! Y'HEAR ME?!" Fatima suddenly hollered directions.

"Yes, Tima! I hear you" Grace answered back as she and her 'partner' came back up from the trapdoor.

"Then start following orders," Fatima laughed as she crossed Grace's path to smack a kiss against her cheek. It was easy to say that Fatima had absolutely fallen in love with Grace since she started working. Playing favorites may not have been in Fatima's heart, but it was easy to see who she enjoyed most. "And get some good food into your belly. You're losing weight like crazy."

"Okay," Grace promised with a nod as she wished a quick goodbye to the other female daner who was going out to grab something to eat with the others. Sure enough, Grace was left alone again as she reached down to snatch her icy bottle of Pepsi that the band had politely held for her during the dance. Only, as she bent, she heard a large ripping sound going up the back of her dress. Jerking up in surprise, she came face to face with Corinne's evil sneer.

"Guess you're not losing weight in the right places, huh, Fatty?" Corinne mused with a devilish laugh, obviously having ruining the beautiful dress for her own amusements.
Grace tensed with disbelief, "You--"

"Draeger! Goddamn it, I saw what you did. Now I have to fix the dress and I spent weeks working on all of them," Kitra growled as she stormed over towards the two women. AJ had tried to hold her back but she broke away and was hell bent on chewing Corinne out. She kneeled down to examine the tear and growled again. "What the Hell did you use, rusty scissors?!"

"No, her lard ass just popped out," Corinne answered simply, hopping off the stage and to the lunch buffet provided. "The keyword is diet, Gracie-Poo. Howie doesn't like fat bitches, too much to smother him while he's trying to get a hard on."

"I'm sorry, Kit..." Grace whispered as she peeled the dress off as carefully as possible, though it seemed to be in two strips down. She was highly embarrassed as she reached down to grasp her t-shirt and baggy shorts from her duffle bag, knowing Kitra would want to do immediate repair. She could even feel a slight trickle of blood gathering at her hip, but she said nothing, just glancing down to see the boys unaffected, obviously oblivious to the abuse.

"It's not your fault, Racie. Don't even apologize," Kitra gathered up the dress and got into Corinne's face. "If I see you hurt Racie one more time, I swear to fucking God--"

"Kit," Grace groaned as she hopped off the stage to intervene between the two women. She grasped her older friend's shoulders and pulled her back despite the added pressure to her tender ankle. "Stop it. You'll get kicked off the set or fired or something. She's not worth it."

"Better listen to Gracie-Poo, you fucking has-been prostitute. No wonder you can't sell your ass, it's all used up," Corinne sneered as she turned around and walked away.

"She's not worth it, okay? Please don't get mad. She's not worth it," Grace repeated against the side of Kitra's face, closing her eyes so she could forget the intense pain radiating from her ankle and fighting against the ache of her heart.

"Why don't you just whip her ass!" Kitra seethed, turning back on her friend. "You could take her in a New York minute and make her regret for ever laying a hand on you!"

"Because I don't fight unless I have to," Grace answered simply, taking deep breaths to gather her frazzled nerves.

"But you do have to! Next time she might kill you instead of just pushing you down sta--"

"Are you two okay?" AJ suddenly voiced, overhearing the entire conversation. He noticed the tears starting to build in Grace's eyes as Kitra berated her for obvious reasons. And, he knew how it felt to get blamed entirely for something that wasn't his fault and he also understood that Kitra was just being protective. Intervening just seemed to be in the best interest.

"I'm fine," Grace instantly promised.

"That little whore ripped Racie's dress," Kitra seethed as AJ lifted Grace back onto the stage and placed the icepack on her ankle.

"She also ripped Racie's skin," AJ noticed, pointing to the faint line of blood developing on Grace's t-shirt.

"AJ, it's nothing," Grace groaned in annoyance as Kitra pulled the shirt up to examine the cut.

"Until you get tetanus," Kitra seethed, fully prepared to demolish the hold that Corinne exericised over Grace. She envisioned beating the older woman to a bloody pulp, then pushing her down a flight of stairs, and degrading her the entire way. Grace was such a sweetly innocent girl, far too innocent for the jaded world she lived in. And she didn't deserve this.

"Stop," Grace scorned softly, yanking down on her shirt to get them away from her.

"Why do you let Corinne get away with this? It's such bullshit, you did nothing wrong!"

"Because this means too much to me to start adding nasty waves before the tour even starts," Grace answered, her voice slightly hissing as AJ pressed the ice pack tighter to her ankle. She attempted to avoid contact with both that were caring for her, distinctly noticing Corinne flirting disgustingly with Howie as Kevin and Brian made their way to check on Grace.

"She started them first; you would be putting a stop to it--"

"Kit, please. Just... don't. All we can do is fix my dress and I want to forget the rest."

"Are you sure?" AJ sighed, glancing up into her teary emerald eyes. He attempted to offer an encouraging smile, cupping her perfect cheek into his hand for support. A few tears actually slipped from her eyes, which AJ wiped away before she could feel embarrassment. "We'll do whatever makes you comfortable, Grace."

"I want to forget," she whispered.

"Okay," AJ agreed, motioning toward Kitra as he kissed her cheek. "Let's go get your monster sewing kit out of my car so you can do something productive today."

"Alright," Kitra reluctantly agreed, taking AJ's hand as they walked out of the studio.

"Damn," Grace whispered with obvious relief, attempting to slide off the stage and escape for her lunch break. She couldn't stand watching Corinne practically mauling Howie for her own delights, knowing it annoyed Grace.

"Hey, where are you going? Tima said to stay off the ankle during lunch," Brian protested with a raised eyebrow.

"Obviously I'm not going anywhere," Grace sighed as Brian caught her in his arms before she could touch the floor.

"Good girl," Brian pushed her back up onto the stage and readjusted the ice pack.

"Why aren't you two getting something to eat?" Grace asked, wondering why she had to be babysat all of a sudden. Unable to stop from growing annoyed when Kevin purposely shielded her sight from Corinne and Howie.

"We ate while you girls were dancing," Brian shrugged, taking the bag that was next to her and pulling out an apple and sandwich to hand it to her.

Grace hesitated for a moment before glancing to Kevin. "You would tell me if I was getting too fat, right? I mean, I'm your dance partner and you have to lift me, so it's better for me to be as skinny as possible... So you would tell me if I was giving you a hernia, right?"

"Well yeah, but you're not fat. Tima is right, you need to start eating more. I feel like I'm lifting a feather during our dance moves. You don't have to be as skinny as possible. Just be the weight you're supposed to be for your height," Kevin replied with slight confusion.

"Still, you would tell me?"

"Yes. But you're not fat."

"Okay," she sighed, finally biting into the sweet apple to savor the flavor. "But why are you blocking my view of Stranger?"

"Am I?"

"You're not good at playing dumb, Kevvy."

"It's better when it comes naturally," Brian agreed as he hopped onto the stage beside Grace, moving to rest her tender ankle on his lap while holding the ice pack.

"Yeah, when it-- hey!"

"Besides, I know what she's doing," Grace answered, attempting to look over his shoulder again. She just wanted to make sure Howie wasn't enjoying her more.

"Grace--"

"Damnit, what part of 'leave me alone' don't you understand, Corinne? Just get off me, you're like a dog in heat," Howie burst, loud enough to interrupt Kevin while he pushed Corinne away from his body.

"He loves you way too much, Kiddo," Kevin explained with a relieved smile. For so long, Howie had been under Corinne's enchantment. He did whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted. So he couldn't help but be slightly nervous whenever Corinne approached Howie, afraid he would fall back under her spell. And protecting Grace came natural.

"She never stops, does she?" Grace asked softly as she watched Howie push the woman away and walk towards them.

"Unfortunately," Brian sighed, reaching to affectionately rub Grace's back as they watched her skip over to Nick for obvious benefits.

Grace frowned. "I don't know if I have the strength to always compete with that..."

"You don't have to compete with her for Howie because he only wants you."

"I hope--"

"We know."

"I'd rather see it for myself..."

"You just saw him turn Corinne down and insult her like the whore she is--"

"That doesn't mean he did it for me--"

"How does it not?"

"Because--"

"Gracie, how's your ankle?" Howie interrupted as he finally reached the trio, brushing his lips against hers.

"It's okay," she murmured simply against his lips, savoring the soft velvetiness that brought her so much delight.

"You're resting it like Tima said?"

"Do you not see it sitting in Brian's lap?" she questioned as she tossed the core of her apple into the brown paper bag.

"Just making sure." He kissed her again before allowing her to unwrap the sandwich next. "I'm glad to see you eating. I was getting a little worried about how much weight you've been losing."

"If you'd let me order Domino's..." Grace trailed, trying to make light of the entire situation.

"We'll have it tonight for dinner."

"You always cook--"

"Do you want Domino's?"

"It doesn't matter..."

"Gracie."

"What?"

"Tell me."

"I'll pay for it--"

"It's my treat."

"Stranger---" she prepared to protest, but she noticed Corinne approaching quickly. A sour knot formed in her stomach as she grew annoyed with the woman's persistence. Wanting to make it very clear who Howie was interested in, Grace pulled him toward her. With a long fling of passion, she connected their lips for a saucy kiss, nibbling affectionately on his bottom lip to entice him to kiss her further.

"Mmm," Howie smiled, licking his lips as they kissed once more.

"I wanted to share my apple," she answered coyly, wrapping her arms around his neck to keep him as close as possible. She rested her chin against the crook of his neck, making sure to catch Corinne's gaze with a pure look of defiance before kissing Howie's neck.
"You definitely shared it, alright..." Howie trailed off with a low moan, craning his neck to give her better access.

"Then, let me share some more," she purred against his throat, moving her kisses upward to his jaw line, knowing that Corinne was fuming as Kevin and Brian muffled amused laughter.

"Please do," was all Howie could mutter as Grace kissed him deeply.

Grace had to smile as their deep kisses slowed into a heat that she had never experienced with Howie before. She forgot all about making Corinne jealous, more set on enjoying the taste of Howie. Especially as she cupped her hands around the back of his neck, playing with the short dark curls as she tilted her head in attempts to give Howie more access.

"It looks like they're trying to swallow each other's heads," Brian whispered to Kevin with amusement as if he were a cootie-phobic boy.

"Shh, they're having their moment," Kevin scorned softly.

"Is that you way of saying you actually like Grace?" Brian mused in surprise.

"You guys were right... I just needed to give her a chance."

"Let me get a piece of paper and record this as a golden date in history," Brian attempted to joke, only Grace and Howie slowly pulled apart with much regret, making it impossible for Kevin to strike him. Offering a goofy smile, Brian gingerly took Grace's ankle and offered it toward Howie. "We've got at least a two hour break, why don't you take her somewhere private with some good take out?"

"You're sure you don't mind?" Grace asked sheepishly while Howie pulled her into his arms.

"Of course not. Go on."

"Make sure she rests her ankle," Kevin reminded Howie.

"Yes, Dad," Howie teased, slipping down the stage with Grace cradled in his arms.

"Are you sure you want to leave?" Grace questioned as she kept her arms looped around his neck for protection.

"Yeah. I'm still hungry and I know you are. Let's go get something to eat."

"Hungry, sure... Nice cover..."

"I tried?" Howie chuckled, walking out of the studio.

Chapter 17 – The Start

AJ yawned loudly as he scratched his bare abdomen, shuffling toward the kitchen toward a feast of aromas that caused his stomach to rumble with anticipation. It was the last day of vacation before the start of the tour and AJ was doing his best to catch up on all the sleep he could. During the tour, concerts ran late and sometimes it was impossible to sleep on the road, not to mention the fact that Kitra would be dragging him all over the cities for entertainment. So, he requested not to be bothered as he napped heavily. Only, that seemed useless when his stomach started aching for food. So, he hurried toward the kitchen in search of the source, holding a hand over his mouth as it watered profusely. And he was surprised to find Kitra slaving over the hot stove, creating the delightful aromas. "What are you doing, Sexy?"

"Alex, you were supposed to stay asleep until I was done," Kitra groaned, but turned around with a smile after covering a pot. She looked adorable with his barbequing apron on that read Kiss The Chef in bright red.

"How was I supposed to stay asleep when it smells so fucking good?" AJ breathed with delight, pulled her roughly to him by the hips. He grinned with obvious delight as he pressed a sweet kiss to the center of her forehead before inching his lips near hers, causing her to whimper as she inhaled the minty hot breath but was unable to touch his lips.

"You're teasing me and you know it," Kitra pouted as she tried again and again to kiss him, but failed miserably.

"Now you know what it feels like, huh?" he chuckled, continued to use his height to his advantage, making sure they were mere centimeters apart with no room for touching.

"Dinner is going to burn if you don't kiss me--"

"Then you better get back to dinner," AJ interrupted, pressing another kiss to her forehead before releasing her.

"You brat!"

"Hurry up, I'm hungry, woman," AJ growled playfully as he swatted her behind.
"You're spoiled," Kitra stuck her tongue out at him and turned to stir various sauces and flip the frying chicken. She had decided to make chicken parmesan with linguine, marinara sauce and garlic cheese bread. There was also a dessert chilling in the refrigerator.

"Like you can talk."

"Who's making dinner again? From scratch, I might add?"

"I never said you had to..."

"I know. I am because I want to," Kitra replied softly, turning the burner off for the marinara sauce.

"Because you love me," AJ boasted with a natural teasing tone, not really meaning anything by the sentiment. It was just something he constantly said to get out of trouble, especially with his mother. Though, it was true that he was falling in love with Kitra, but those emotions had since been held back when he caught Kitra with her addictions.

"Don't go into that too much, Alex," Kitra teased, plating some pasta onto two plates. She turned off all the other burners and began assembling the meals. "If you could grab two sodas out of the fridge? That would be a big help, Babe."

"No problem," AJ agreed, hopping off his chair to grab two cans of Mountain Dew with a large cup of ice for himself. It seemed to help - chewing on ice - to somewhat hide the cravings he dealt with daily.

Kitra topped the steaming chicken breasts with cheese and sauce, placed two pieces of bread on the sides and brought them to the table as AJ brought the drinks. "So, what do you think?"

"Food on the road is definitely going to suck ass after I finish gouging myself on this..." AJ groaned ruefully, though he was anxious to dive in.

"Don't some of the hotel rooms have kitchens and stuff? I could always do a home-made dinner once in awhile during the tour," Kitra offered, smiling bashfully as they settled at the table.

"And ruin those fantastic hands that make the best costumes around?" AJ scoffed playfully, taking her hand to smack a wet kiss to it before gathering everything he desired to eat.

"Or we can just eat fast food," Kitra actually giggled, cutting up her pasta.
"You'll get sick of it..."

"You're talking to the woman who had to live off McDonald's, dollar, double cheese burgers for at least one month because we didn't have enough money to buy groceries..."

"Kit..."

"Well, I did."

"We'll get whatever you want on the road, okay?"

"Alex--"

"I bitched for how long about how shitty my life was... But, Kit, you've lived through hell. I'm going to take care of you, no matter how much you try to make me kick you out."

"You're not going to get tired of me?" Kitra asked softly, playing with the food on her plate to avoid his deep brown eyes.

"Not in a million years. In fact, I find you pretty damn entertaining," AJ chuckled, turning back to his food so she wouldn't get too entirely uncomfortable. "Like the fact that you fixed up Grace's dress and made sure it was in Corinne's costume change knowing damn well her fat ass will never be able to fit into Grace's costume... Then you took a whole night to make Grace an even more beautiful gown for More Than That."

"I just try to make up for all the shit I put Racie through when I was in that darkness of addiction. She deserves to feel pretty when she dances."

"She's definitely going to be surprised."

"And so will Draeger when she puts on her new dress."

"That damn bitch is more trouble that she's ever been worth. If Tima knew what she did to Howie... Or what she started doing to Grace... She'd be gone... Although, Nick might fight for her because she's an easy lay and he enjoys having things that belonged to Howie..."

"Would she really sue if you guys fired her?"

"She might try, but nothing would come of it."

“Oh... what is up with Nick, anyway? He's so..."

"Lost?" AJ guessed with a shrug of his shoulders. "Not that little blonde airhead that the media loves to portray, huh?"

"When he was at Devil's with Racie... Half the time, I'd consider what he did to be--"

"Rape?"

"I..."

"His mother is the picture version of a psycho stage mom. She's vicious, conniving, and taught Nick everything he knows. Kev's done his best to teach Nick right from wrong, but Nick just doesn't care. He gets away with murder and he likes it that way. Might just be the whole start of his twenties and wanting to spread his wings, but he might turn out like me."

"But you're changing for the better, Alex. If that boy isn't careful, someone who doesn't mind conflict might charge him with rape or sexual assault and I hate to imagine what Kevin would do then..."

"I'm not exactly the role model to set him straight."

"Well, no, but..." Kitra trailed off, taking a bite of food. "I don't know, maybe it's not my business."

"It's not like that--"

"If you haven't noticed, your friends don't exactly accept me like they accept Racie. Which is fine, I don't care. But I just hate seeing someone waste their life like I did before meeting you."

"They don't like you because of me--"

"No, it's because of what I used to do. They don't know that we've quit everything, so they all still think I'm dragging you into dangerous shit."

"Then tell them--"

"It doesn't matter. Let's just enjoy dinner, because there's also dessert."

"What kind of dessert? You drizzled in chocolate?"

"Well, I did buy some chocolate syrup--"

"Sometimes I think you're a nympho," Kitra laughed, covering her mouth that was full of food.

"That's the pot calling the kettle black for damn sure," he chuckled, unable to smile at the sweetness she was exuding. It was at times like these when he truly appreciated her company, whether she believed it or not. She was there to remind him that life didn't have to be so cold.

"...Oh yeah, huh? I wonder if there's a place in this house where we haven't had sex--"
"Downstairs bathroom and this kitchen table," AJ answered as he shoveled some scrumptious morsels of food into his mouth, savoring the wonderful flavor.

"That's all we have left?"

"I believe so. We took care of every bedroom, the master bathroom, the master shower, the pool, the jacuzzi, the billiard table, the piano--"

"Then let's take care of the kitchen table next," Kitra interrupted, pushing some plates back to give them room as she grinned.

"You don't have to tell me twice," AJ growled with pure delight, quickly picking her up and laying her on the table, not caring as dishes and various items crashed around them.

*~*~*

"You do realize that you don't have to watch this with me, right?" Grace called vaguely as she felt Howie slip into the master bed behind her, causing a shift in the mattress. She naturally moved to accommodate his presence, seemingly hugging tighter to the pillows she was occupying so they weren't stolen, her eyes never leaving the flat screen TV. The last day before the tour and both were just trying to relax and enjoy home as much as possible. Grace decided to start her own tour of DVDs, knowing she'd continue throughout the tour. But she had just recently purchased Hannibal and couldn't resist watching it in Howie's bedroom. Silence of the Lambs had been a fantastic movie, so Grace knew she wouldn't be disappointed. Horror movies hardly fazed her anymore because she had seen the worst of life anyway, but she seemed to naturally gravitate toward them nonetheless. Almost as if it was a piece of her horrible home that she wanted to remember.

"I know. But I've never seen it and I love Anthony Hopkins. He's great as Dr. Lecter," Howie replied, spooning her lightly as he rested his chin on her bare shoulder.

"I stole your bed to watch the movie," she confirmed softly, "Sorry."

"Don't be sorry. I told you a long time ago you can any time you like."

"I know, but guess I just had to clarify."

"It's fine," he promised, actually delivering a kiss to her bare shoulder before resting again.

"Where'd you disappear to while I started the movie?" she questioned, trying her best to concentrate on the characters though it seemed futile. Instead, she could only feel the sweet sensation of Howie's arms curling around her upper torso to pull her closer. His fingers worked in a slow circular motion, dangerously close to caressing her breast. And, the sensations washing over Grace were unimaginable. She had never been the type of woman to enjoy sex, mostly because of how violently men had taken it from her all her life. But Howie made her ache in the most private of places. The way his body spooned so closely next to hers, filling her mind with erotic pleasures that her body was begging to release.

"I was just making sure we were all packed and didn't forget anything," he replied, his fingers trailing along her trim abdomen.

"Did you add some extra toys for my benefit?" she teased, keep her face shielded from his view as she bit hard on her bottom lip to stop herself from squirming to get closer or moaning at the delicateness of his fingers moving against her.

"You'll just have to see when we get on the bus tomorrow."

"I doubt you slipped down to Adult World to pick up a few items, Stranger."

"It may not be those kind of toys, Gracie--"

"Then what kind of toys?" she questioned curiously, completely turned off of the movie. Especially as Howie's hand traveled lower over her abdomen and across her hip, causing her to practically strangle the pillows tucked over her hand to relieve the pressure.

"The kind of toys that stay a surprise until tomorrow--"

"Stranger," she whimpered as she buried her face into the cool pillow for relief, though it was more from his actions than his words.

"What?" he chuckled.

"You're killing me."

"Because of my surprise?"

"Yes," she groaned as his hand traveled up her side, falling into the smooth contours to much of their delight.

"You're so sexy when you're frustrated--"

"You have no idea, Stranger," she interrupted with a heavy breath, attempting to leave before she did something he'd probably regret. Only, Howie managed to catch her before she could leave, pulling her onto his body. She straddled his laps without coincidence, just staring down at him with disbelief at the sensual position. Her entire body was tense as her cheeks flushed with obvious desire.

"What was that supposed to mean?" he smirked, his hands massaging her curvy hips.

"You're not funny--"

Howie stopped her sentence by leaning up to kiss her, cupping her cheeks as his tongue rubbed softly against hers, coaxing her silence.

"Mmm, Howie," she moaned softly against his mouth, tipping her head to allow him more access. Somehow as he lay back down, she followed, not wanting to break the kiss. She loved the taste of him. It was a sweet taste that she craved for even during her erotic dreams. Her eyes naturally closed as she savored his flavor, her body aching for his hands to move away from cupping her face at to other regions that were begging for attention.

"Have I ever told you how much I love kissing you?" he whispered against her lips, allowing his hands to trail down to the base of her spine and back up again.

"No..." she answered, her voice catch briefly in her throat as Howie nipped her bottom lip. She released a groan of pleasure, moving to meet his lips once more as her hands naturally worked to remove the clothing covering his torso.

"Well, I do," he replied in between kisses, feeling the cool air hit his bare skin.

"Likewise," she quickly promised, her hands moving down to caress the contours of his chiseled abdomen, loving the feeling of the rippled muscles. She couldn't help but grin as she continued to kiss him, hers growing harder and hungrier.

"Mmm..." His hands began playing with the hem of her tank top, tickling her skin under the fabric.

Grace immediately squirmed as he tickled her delicate flesh, causing her hips to rock against his. She bent further against his body, practically covering him as she nuzzled her face into his neck, giggling. "That tickles!"

"Good, that's the point!" he chuckled.

"Howie," she whimpered with a mixture of sweet giggles as he persisted, causing her to squirm further against his body. "Don't!"

"What do I get if I stop?" he mused, unable to stop smiling as his hands actually slipped beneath her tank top. He immediately felt the softness of her silky skin and his body lit with a sharp fire of desire as her hips continued to rock against his in attempts to get away. He knew he was playing with a dangerous situation, but he couldn’t stop. What he felt for Grace was so damn powerful, far more powerful than anything he had dealt with before. So powerful that he was willing to die for her, which scared him. But he couldn't resist the temptation of the moment, too caught within the wanting of her beautiful body mixed with the love of her soul to stop.

"This," she promised as she hurriedly offered the smallest kiss to the side of his neck. She felt his hands sneak up higher in her plain tank top to feel the delicateness of her skin. She elicited a purr of delight against his throat, hardening the kisses with playful nips as she moved to the front of his throat, moving down to his collar bones.

"Gracie," he whispered, arching his back slightly as their bodies flamed together like a wild forest fire.

She made sure not to leave a portion of his bare chest untouched, using her hands to gently caress as her lips moved slowly across the broadness. She could feel her body electrify with passion that she had never felt before, following through with the emotions she never thought she could develop. But the pushed her forward, nonetheless, wanting to pleasure Howie in ways that he had only dreamed of. Especially as her kisses moved toward his abdomen, suckling lightly before moving to the next part. Then, with an erotic warmth, she placed her last kiss just above his belt, centered against his pelvis.

"Gracie..." was all Howie could muster as their eyes locked.

"Yeah?" she questioned softly as she moved back to capture his lips in a beautifully passionate kiss. Only, when she pulled away and found his dark eyes, noticing the slight fear radiating from the very core of his soul. His body was trembling beneath her, causing her to tense in response. A coldness washed over her as she sat back. "What'd I do?"

"You didn't do anything wrong... God, no. I'm just... I'm afraid."

Grace frowned as her sexual frenzy was doused with a freezing bath of humiliation. Her cheeks flushed red as she covered her face, sliding off his hips. At that moment, she felt no better than Corinne. She was just aching to have Howie within her that she was trying by any means necessary. A few more moments and she would have gotten what she wanted. But the guilt was unbearable, especially when she still ached for him. "Damnit... I'm so sorry..."

"No, Gracie... not like that," Howie disagreed, grasping her hands into his to pull them away from her face. "I'm scared because I don't want to disappoint you."

Grace's cheeks seemed to darken as she caught Howie's gaze, feeling horrible for pressuring him into sex when he had defined his morals so clearly. He didn't want to have sex with her. "It's okay; I know you don't want to do this--"

"No, I want to do this... I want to connect with you in so many ways. But I want it to be making--"

"Love, I know," she finished with a heavy sigh, untangling her body away from his grasp. She needed a freezing cold shower to shake the feelings.

"Gracie--"

"Stranger, I'm not mad," she gently interrupted with a chide as she slid off the bed. Her ankle ached slightly, but she ignored it as she hastily adjusted her clothing appropriately to her body. "I understand what you want. It's okay."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes--"

"Then where are you going?"

"Forgot to get a shower..."

"There's one on my bus--"

"Trust me, I need it now."

*~*~*

Kitra frowned with confusion as she glanced around the large terminal practically cramped with several buses, unable to find her best friend anywhere. The first day of the tour had finally arrived and at six in the morning, the group had to meet at the terminal in order to assure that everything was packed and ready to go. Only, they had roadies to do all the packing, so the dancers and the boys were free to hang around and enjoy the start of the first day. Only, with the adrenaline racing, Kitra was anxious to find her best friend to wish her the best of luck. Again, they would be separated for most of the trip, Kitra on AJ's bus and Grace on Howie's bus. The older woman wasn't used to leaving Grace on her own. Not since she found her wandering the streets at seventeen. So, a slight panic rushed through her till she noticed Grace off to the corner, sitting on the pavement Indian style. Her hands were plunged into her thick honey curls as she made a face of disgust, causing Kitra to chuckle.

"What are you doing?"

"Trying to picture Kevin naked," Grace murmured, shuddering at the mental image she conjured.

"Why the Hell are you trying to picture Kevin naked? Wouldn't Howie be nicer?" Kitra raised her eyebrows.

"Because I'm too damn horny," Grace whined bluntly with a frustrated groan.

"Aww, Racie's boyfriend makes her horny," Kitra laughed, sitting down next to the younger woman.

"If you're going to make fun of me, just get the Hell away, because I'm in no mood. After ten cold showers in the course of two days, I don't want to hear any bitching but mine," Grace seethed, immediately turning her embarrassed gaze away from her best friend.

"Isn't normally a guy who takes cold show--"

"Did I not just explain that I'm the sexually frustrated one, not him?!"

"Haven't you heard of masterba--"

"God no," Grace groaned with disgust.

"You're going to explode one of these days with that horniness all pent up!"

"It doesn't help anyway," Grace moaned pitifully, falling back against the cement wall with utter devastation. She roughly massaged her scalp in attempts to calm herself, but it wouldn’t work. All she could think about was Howie and how much she wanted him.

"First city we hit tomorrow, we're looking up some Adult Store for a major honking vibrator because this is fucking ridiculous! I never have wanted sex in my lifetime now I'm practically begging for it!"

"Just keep thinking about Kevin naked and you'll be fine until we find the perfect vibrator for you--"

"God, that's like a nightmare," Grace shuddered yet again, stomping her feet against the ground with the pent up energy she could hardly release. "Do you know I honestly thought about just jumping into Nick's bus for a quick lay--"

"If hears that you won't live a day without him nagging you about it," Kitra slapped a hand over Grace's mouth.

"Ow!" Grace yelped at the sharp bite of Kitra's hand, falling backward just to get away from the sting. She was completely oblivious to the fact that Corinne had overheard and skipped toward the various groups of people with the new information. "You didn't let me finish, damnit!"

"It doesn't matter! Do you realize how fast rumors spread in bands like this?!"

"Do you think I give a flying fuck at this point? Right now I'd just rather have one," Grace growled, continuing to gingerly hold her face as a sharp pain continued to make itself known. She had wanted to finish by saying that Nick wouldn't have even been able to satisfy her at this point. All she wanted was Howie. All she dreamed about what Howie. All she loved was Howie...

"Fine. What were you going to say?"

"I want Howie," she murmured softly, staring down at her dainty hands. She never thought she'd ever have to confess that in her lifetime. She probably could have had any man out in the parking lot at this very moment. She was gorgeous enough. But her heart actually belonged to Howie. And though she was probably months away from admitting it, she really was in love with Howie. But, since she didn't understand love, she didn't know she was feeling it.

"He wants you too, Racie. But you know--"

"He doesn't want sex. He wants to make love. If I hear that one more time..."

"You'd probably just be better off riding with Brian for the rest of the tour..." Kitra laughed with obvious sorrow for her best friend.

"Funny, real funny," Grace growled, attempting to stand.

"At least Brian wouldn't give you sexual tension," Kitra stood up before Grace, cracking her back.

"Or I could just ride with you and AJ, offering a threesome. You know you've always desired to tap my ass, Kitty," Grace teased scornfully as she brushed away the stones from her faded blue jeans, and then adjusted her dusky lavender, ribbed tank top against her torso.

"I don't think I could ever have a threesome that involved my best friend," Kitra leaned over and slobbered Grace's cheek. "I wouldn't want to share you with Alex!"

"Yeah, you're already too much man for me," Grace actually giggled at the sensation, attempting to pry herself away from Kitra with a shriek.

"Hey! I'm more woman than--"

"I know," Grace promised when she was finally set free, bouncing a little in attempts to rid the nervous energy of her body. But it proved useless as she glanced around to catch Howie speaking with a variety of group members, Corinne being one. Immediately, all the tension she had released surfaced yet again by just gazing at his handsome physique. "I am so utterly fucked--"

"Once you can see there is such a thing as making love," Kitra grinned with a wink, nudging Grace's side. "You and Howie will be like rabbits!"

"Kitra, you know that I don't--"

"If you would let yourself believe in it, all that tension could go away."

"He was terrified of me last night."

"What did he say?"

"It wasn't what he said," Grace murmured as she watched the group Howie had been part of disintegrate briefly until it just left the boys and Corinne. She immediately turned to watch Kitra, wanting to focus her thoughts. "Last night... I was watching a movie in his bed and he came to lay down with me. He started moving his hands on my body and then I ended up straddling his lap. We're making out and I manage to take his shirt off. His hands slide under mine and he starts to tickle me. I get him to stop by kissing his chest... And when I finish, I just look up and there's this wild fear radiating from his eyes. And he's actually trembling beneath me. I felt like such an asshole. Must of thought I was no better than--"

"Stop! Good God woman, just stop trying to compare yourself to her. I'll bet you that Howie said he was scared to disappoint you when it comes to being intimate. Am I right?"

"He was scared of me."

"Not you. Did you not hear what I said?! Guys who had a horrible previous girlfriends are always afraid they won't be able to sexually satisfy women after that."

"Who are you, Dr. Drew?" Grace scoffed as she folded her arms across her chest.

"I did use to watch Love Line... but it's just something guys get insecure about."

Grace exhaled a painful breath as she watched Howie, truly unable to look away. "How am I going to stay in that tour bus with him? It's just so crazy..."

"You two will get to know each other better... maybe you'll learn what love is."

"I thought we knew each other--"

"On the deeper levels."

"I'm about to just walk around naked for that deeper level--"

"I wouldn't mind that," AJ interrupted with a grin.

"Alex!"

"What?" AJ chuckled with amusement, snaking his arms around Kitra's waist and pressing a warm kiss to her neck.

"You're lucky you're so damn sexy... and that Howie didn't hear you," Kitra tried to scowl as she melted into his embrace.

"What would that little monkey possibly do to me?" AJ mused as he winked toward Grace, continuing to move kisses against Kitra's exposed flesh. Even when speaking with the boys for a few extra minutes, AJ had missed her. He made a point to seek her out before everything got too crazy, anxious to seal them away in a private bus.

"That little monkey can run fast. Or do you not remember how you woke him up from the car ride here?"

"Hey, the water bottle fell open on its own--"

"Mm-hmm, try telling that to a jury. Mr. McLean."

"I throw myself upon the mercy of the court," AJ breathed against the side of her face, his lips curving into a devilish smile. "Especially when the jury is two hot babes with a set of handcuffs between them?"

"Nice try--"

"I was trying to get you some of that, AJ," Grace volunteered with an impish smile as Kitra glared at her.

"What? A threesome?"

"Yeah and Kitty turned me down--"

"Kitty!" AJ groaned with disbelief. "You turned down the chance for me to have both of you at once drizzled in hot fudge, ice cream, and topped with cherries for my own sexual delights?!"

"Now wait a minute! I love Racie but I could never get that way with her! And I should be enough for you anyway, I'm hurt--"

"You're too much for me," AJ quipped with a chuckle, immediately hushing her annoyances with a fiery kiss. He felt her buckle against him, causing him to smile with approval as he held her closer. He slowly stroked her tongue with his own, feeling a moan vibrate from the center of her throat. "I was teasing, Sexy."

"Besides, this was after she wanted to fuck Carter," Kitra finished, her eyes fluttering wildly as she pushed her face into his chest to calm herself.

"What?!"

"Kitty, you're so dead--"

"You really said that?" AJ interrupted, reaching to grasp Grace's upper arm so she couldn't get away. When the group had dispersed, AJ had spoke briefly with Nick before moving to find Kitra and Grace. While walking away, he heard Corinne briefly mention to Nick something about Grace wanting him badly. The look in the already over stimulated eyes was enough to even send a chill down AJ's spine. But he had attempted to disregard it as nothing, figuring Corinne's antics would die. But, something told him this wasn't good.

Grace's peaches-and-cream complexion paled as she yanked her arm away from his grasp, not knowing why all the men considered that the easiest way to get a woman to listen. "It was a damn joke--"

"That Corinne heard and told Nick. I don't even have to ask you to remember what he did at Devil's. He was obsessed with you; he still is, and making that joke wasn't a good idea. He thinks you're serious."

Grace just shifted her gaze between AJ and Kitra, not really knowing what to say. Men being obsessed with her had been her entire life's story. It had started when she was young and seemed to follow her wherever. Now, it just didn't seem to faze her emotionally. Even Corinne's abuse seemed normal now. She didn't really know what to say or how to react, knowing whatever she did wouldn't be good enough for AJ or Kitra. "I can't do anything about it now--"

"Just make sure you're never alone with him. Please," AJ replied as Kitra nodded in agreement.

"Why would I be alone with him in the first place?"

"Racie, promise us."

"I promise--"

"Pinky swear?"

"How old are we, eight?"

"We'd feel more comfortable if you pinky swore," AJ answered simply.

"Fine," Grace groaned, reaching to catch both their pinkies in a promise.

"Alright, everyone! Load onto the busses!" Fatima shouted into the cool morning air.
"Are you shitting me?" Grace groaned slightly, hurriedly glancing toward the watch strapped to her elegant wrist. Though she longed to be with Howie, she actually had no desire to jump onto a private bus with him. What awaited inside that bus was just a flury of sexual tension that she could never relieve. She'd honestly be safer riding with Brian.

"When Tima says it's time, it's time--"

Grace attempted to hide a sigh as she watched all the dancers hurry to their bus. She was already an outcast from them, only one female dancer liking her and the entire male dancing troupe asking for her number. She just needed to space herself from Howie for awhile. Until her feelings calmed and she forgot about the thought of possibly loving him. "What are the chances that Brian will invite me to stay in his bus for a few hours?"

"They're just fine but Howie is going to be confused when you tell him you're staying with Brian for the first part--"

"Are you planning on standing out here all day or are you going to go enjoy your tourbus that you customized specifically for yourself, McLean?" Brian teased with a whoop as he passed, playfully pretending to jump on Grace's back.

"What the Hell did you do to the bus?" Kitra craned her neck to gaze at AJ in question.

"Let's go see," AJ cackled evilly, leading Kitra toward his bus.

"Do you know where Howie is?" Grace questioned as she glanced over at Brian who was still grinning wildly at her. It was obvious that the man was highly excited about the tour, which just caused Grace to smile with appreciation. At times, she didn't know what she'd do without Brian's kindness.

"He's talking with Tima and Kev about the rest stops before coming by to sweep you away--"

"Oh..." Grace trailed, shoving her hands into the back pockets of her jeans. "Seems like he and Kevin should be traveling together so I could have a whole tour bus to myself!"

"They would kill each other." Brian shook his head with a chuckle. "Are you avoiding Howie or something?"

"No--"

"Gracie, are you ready?" Howie asked, walking up to her and kissing her cheek.
Grace forced a smile. "I guess."

"Alright, let's go--"

"You're not going to let me take her on my bus, D?" Brian tormented with an infamous pout, causing Grace's heart to jump.

"Huh?"

"You'll get to have her this whole tour. Can't she stay with me for the day?"
Howie blanked in surprise, "Why?"

"Because she's my Gracie-Baby?"

"I--"

"Just for the day. Then she'll come to spend time with you after dinner."
"Are you guys going to pull out your wallets and start bidding for me or what?" Grace questioned openly, slightly annoyed that they were speaking as if she wasn't even between them.

"No way. Leigh would kill me if she found out."

"Ain't that the truth," Howie groaned.

"So, what do you say, D? Before Fatima comes after me with a squirt gun or something?"
"If Gracie wants to. It's all up to her."

Grace was floored by Howie's simplistic statement. Her emerald green eyes naturally widened in surprise as she glanced between the two men, hating that the decision ultimately rested in her hands. She was aching to get away from Howie, but only because of the torrid emotions running through her soul. And, unfortunately, at the same time, she yearned to be as close to him as possible. She was just ultimately confused by the entire situation, causing her bottom lip to pucker. "I don't know."

"Baby, if you want to hang out with Brian, that's fine. I won't be hurt. I'll miss you like crazy, but it won't hurt my feelings. Do what you want to do," Howie explained softly, cupping her cheek with a smile.

"We're stopping to eat dinner out and then driving all night to the hotel, right?" Grace questioned, glancing toward Brian. She had been anxious to ask Brian some serious questions, knowing he was probably the best out of everyone to give her a straight answer and not be judgmental.

"That's the plan."

"Then I can switch after dinner...?"

"Yeah, if that's what you want."

Grace hesitated. "But what do you want?"

"I just want to spend time with you, Gracie. Whatever way I can get it."

"Stranger..."

"Gracie--"

"Okay, I'll make the decision!" Brian bent down and hoisted Grace over his shoulders.

"Brian--"

"D, you can see her at dinner!" Brian whooped with a wild cackle, racing toward his tour bus before Howie could physically change his mind

Chapter 18 – Bless the Broken Road

"So, why were you so insistent on me traveling with you for the first half of the drive today?" Grace questioned curiously as she collapsed on the thick couch sitting off to the side of the tour bus's living room area, watching Brian tinkering with the expensive CD system in order to get some country music playing. She had to laugh at his furled expression, obviously far too many buttons for the man to deal with at a single glance. But, she attempted to be sweet as possible, just watching patiently as she sketched a small drawing off to the side of her recently composed song. It had been the one Kitra had so obnoxiously read without permission, but Grace hadn't perfected it until waiting for the tour to officially start. Now she had a picture in her head of a flaming heart design that she couldn't get rid of. Especially when she thought of Howie on his private tour bus, wondering if he truly did miss her.

"I thought it would be fun to hang out without interruptions from Nick... or AJ... Kevin... Kitra--"

"I think I get the point," Grace replied quickly, holding back a smirk as Brian resorted to hitting every button as a trial and error. "D'you need some help with that, Bri-Bear?"

"Are you going to make fun of me if I say yes?" he immediately questioned, glancing back to the young girl with a playful smile. The connection he had made with Grace was actually indescribable, mostly because he found her strength of God so amazing. He assumed the most treacherous of things had happened in her past, yet she still relied on God to help her along her 'rough' patches. Not to mention how adorably sweet she was when not put against a defensive wall. He reminded her of a little sister that he should have had, but never had the chance to.

"No," she promised, standing to lean over his shoulder. She studied the piece of equipment for a few moments, then pressed a single button and a steady pulse of country music started to flow. She heard him curse underneath his breath, but she smiled sweetly instead, noticing a framed photograph on the entertainment system. Curiously, she reached to pluck it for better examination, immediately recognizing the beautiful woman as Brian's wife, Leighanne. "She's so pretty..."

"I'll have to agree with you on that. I thank God everyday that He let her walk into my life so long ago on the As Long As You Love Me set," he smiled, pressing a kiss to his fingertips and touching the photo.

"And you even have one of those romantic love stories that you can tell over and over to your children and then your grandchildren," Grace approved with a wistful smile, gingerly setting the photograph back in place. She had done so much analyzing of her relationship with Howie and that seemed to be one of the largest pitfalls in her heart. She'd never be able to live down the fact that he fell in love with her while she gave him an expensive lap dance his best friend paid for. It seemed unfair, almost like a looming curse to the relationship. "...You're planning on flying her out a lot, aren't you?"

"As much as I can, but she's got a lot of photo shoots and other things going on. She stays as busy as we do."

"Oh... But she's still coming to visit and keep you from getting lonely, right?"

"Yeah--"

"Good, because I don't think I could have seriously acted like I was romantically interested in you to make her jealous so she'd purposely fly out to make sure you weren't lonely," Grace teased, climbing back onto the couch to finish her sketch.

"And you will never repeat that in front of her," Brian chuckled, placing the frame back in its spot and settling beside her. "What’cha drawing?"

"Why can't I repeat that in front of her?" Grace questioned curiously as she held the journal to her chest so Brian couldn't peek. She was always insecure about her art, especially considering how hard her father was during her years at home. It wasn't uncommon for her to get punished for spending idle time drawing, singing, writing, or dancing. Actually, it was uncommon for her to be constantly punished no matter what the cause. So it was a protective reflex.

"Because she'll counter with the 'how could you make someone so sweet as Grace trick me into visiting?' and make me feel guilty and possibly ground me during our breaks in the tour... she's a typical Georgian woman."

"She does not think I'm sweet--"

"Yes, she does. She loves you!"

"You're absolutely ridiculous--"

"Maybe so, but I always tell the truth."

Grace grew quiet for a moment, just studying him until her lips curved into a soft smile. "Southern women are the best."

"Of course. Why do you think Howie's has fallen so hard for you?" Brian nudged Grace's shoulder with his.

"Brian..."

"I don't lie, Gracie-Babe."

"I know, but--"

"But what?"

"I'm just so damn confused and it's embarrassing to say the least. And every time anyone mentions my relationship with Howie, I get sick to my stomach..."

"A bad sick to your stomach or a good sick to your stomach?"

"There's a difference?"

"Yes," Brian chuckled at the look of confusion washing over her cherubic face.

"Apparently I didn't get the memo."

"The bad kind is where you don't even want to think about a relationship with Howie. That you don't care for him at all. The good kind is like the butterfly in your stomach sensation. That even though you're scared about getting close to him, deep inside you want to. Does that make sense?"

"Yes..." she trailed, closing the battered journal before settling it on her lap. Gingerly, she traced her fingertips over the fading engraving of a beautiful fairy, exhaling a slow breath. "How do you know when you're in love? ... Y'know, because Howie is always saying he is and I just don't understand how he can be..."

"It's different for everyone, but... love is when you miss that person, even if you're away from them for a few minutes. Everything they do makes your stomach do flip-flops. Their kisses cause your heart to flutter and you lose your breath. And you can’t imagine life without them. They make you happy and feel complete. If Howie says he's in love with you... then you do some, all or even more of those things to him."

Grace frowned when she realized how much she mimicked Brian's explanation when she was around Howie. Truly, she was in love with him by Brian's standards and by her own standards, if she'd only trust herself. "He's never said it to me... Just everyone else seems to relay it..."

"Maybe he's afraid to scare you if he says he is."

"Maybe..."

"What's on your mind, Grace? Truthfully."

"Just..." Grace hesitated as she glanced back down to her journal. All her life she had been taught to hold her emotions inward. Never to release the pain to anyone. So, her only means of an outlet was her journal. That last gift from her mother before she was cruelly taken away. And, with great frustration, there was no way that she could honestly release her emotions about Howie verbally. Starting to tremble slightly with obvious trepidation, she flipped to her most recent set of lyrics dedicated to Howie, where she had been sketching. She offered it toward Brian. "Is that love?"

"You wrote this?"

"After the first time Howie kissed me..."

"Wow. This is a beautiful song, Grace--"

"But is it love?"

"Was this what you were feeling when you wrote it?"

Grace leaned over Brian, resting her cheek on his shoulder as she reflected on the lyrics. Truly, every single word on that single page pertained to Howie. She had thought of nothing else but that man when she wrote it. Every single emotion in her heart had poured forth in those stanzas. "Yes... Why?"

"That's love, Gracie-Babe. That's love."

Grace bit down hard on her bottom lip to the point where she thought it might start to bleed. To have someone confirm what she had been agonizing over for weeks was overpowering to say the least. It was almost like a warm relief as she thought of loving Howie. For so long she had only known the love of her mother. Then when that was taken away, she figured it would be nonexistent. But Howie was real and pledging everything to her. For once, tears actually slipped and broke against her peach cheeks. "You can't tell Howie about this..."

"Aren't you going to talk to him about this?" Brian reached over and wiped away the tears with his thumb.

"I don't know--"

"I think you should."

"He'd think I was lying..." she trailed hurtfully, realizing how far she had been pushing him for sexual favors when all she had really wanted was his love. If she confessed those words to him; he'd just think she was trying to get sex.

"Grace, he would not! Why do you say that?"

"I've been too slutty towards him--"

"Whoa, whoa. whoa. That's a damn lie."

"No, it's not," Grace defended, reaching to take the journal back.

"Yes it is," Brian held the journal above his head. "You're going to tell me all those nights you just wanted Howie for lust and not love?"

"Didn't you hear the rumor that I'm horny as Hell?" she answered vaguely, attempting to reach for the only possession she had in this world.

"Doesn't mean it's only lust," Brian raised his hand higher. "You're not getting the journal until I get a promise that you're going to talk to Howie instead of just hiding with me on my bus."

"You're the one that invited me over here in the first place!"

"You brought it up first, I just agreed with you. There's a difference."

"I don't even care about the damn journal," Grace scoffed hatefully.

"That's bullshit right there."

"I'm not going to make a fool of myself in front of Howie."

"Kind of hard to make a fool of yourself if you love him and he loves you."

"He's not going to believe me," Grace stressed yet again, practically aching to get her journal back. "He knows that I don't believe in making love and that I want him badly. God, I had to leave the room and get a cold shower the other day just to calm down. If I tell him that I love him, which I don't even know is real or not, he's just going to think that I'm trying to relieve all this sexual tension."

"Grace," Brian groaned in annoyance with a slight roll of his eyes. "Do you make excuses like that to make yourself feel better about holding in love for Howie? He loves you. You love him. End of story, just tell him for crying out loud!"

"I can't," she stressed. "And I want you to promise not to say a word about anything."

"It's not my place to say anything. But you're going to be taking cold showers until you're old and gray if you don't tell him."

"Or find someone to relieve sexual tension with," she attempted to joke, motioning desperately to her journal.

"That's not funny, Grace, and you know it."

"...You heard it from AJ and Kit, didn't you?"

"About Nick? Yeah, I sure did. He may be my best friend, but he's so damn unpredictable now that... he may just do something drastic to get something from you."
Grace immediately matched Brian's frown. "Why do they feel the need to spread all this shit that isn't a big deal?"

"When Nick and Corinne are concerned, it's a big deal. Believe me. You may think you know all of Nick's antics, but you really have no idea."

"You haven't seen him at Devil's..."

"And you haven't seen him at the after-concert parties. What he does to fans who are so desperate to..." Brian shuddered.

"Then he shouldn't be bothered with me."

"He wants what Howie had or has."

"So?"

"That means you."

"I can take care of myself. It was just a stupid joke that's going to die after a few weeks."

"I hope you're right. We've lost a couple of dancers in the past because of Nick..."

"Did they all date Howie, too? Is that like his fetish or what?"

"What? No! Nick is the one who has a thing for dancers because he claims their flexibility is good during sex or something perverted like that."

Grace exhaled a hard breath as she curled up on the side of the couch, hugging the pillow tightly against her. "Like Corinne isn't bad enough to deal with every day. I don't think I can handle anymore ex-girlfriends or dead girlfriends or... Whatever belonged to Howie in the past..."

"The only bad one that never left Howie's life was Corinne. Why do you think you have to compete with that trash? He only wants you, I still don't understand--"

"She fawns over him everyday and makes my life Hell. What do you expect?"

"Gracie," Brian sighed sympathetically.

"I hate her."

"Then why don't you tell Tima what's going on? You know she would kick Corinne off the troupe without a second thought--"

"And have her sue you all? No thanks."

"But she's hurting you, Gracie. We're afraid that something serious is going to happen to you. Between Corinne and Nick, you honestly don't stand a chance. You're like my little sister and Kevin's little sister... We can't stand the thought of something happening to you. Maybe breaking your neck instead of your ankle next time..."
"And Kitra squeals yet again," Grace groaned, tossing the pillow onto Brian's lap to shift so she could rest her head in his lap. She then grabbed his hand, motioning for him to gently pat her back. "Just be a big brother and adore my cuteness instead of worrying."

"Worrying comes into the big brother territory," Brian sighed, rubbing her back as he looked out the bus window. Rain beat loudly against the glass as lightning streaked the sky.

"I survived just fine for twenty one years before I met all of you."

"Now you can survive and be cared for at the same time."

"Don't be mad at me, Bri-Bear."

"I'm not mad."

"Honestly?"

"Honestly."

"Then what'd I do?"

"What do you mean?"

"You look so lost..."

"I just wish I could help you more, I guess."

"You are helping."

"I am?"

"Yeah, you give the best back rubs in the world," Grace answered with an adorably silly smie.

"You're too cute sometimes, you know that?" Brian groaned playfully, leaning down to kiss her cheek.

"You still love me."

"I'll have to agree with you... and so does Howie."

*~*~*

Kitra had to laugh as she sat in a small booth in the corner of McDonalds, watching Brian and Grace goof around with some silly hand game. Both were laughing hysterically as it continued, faster and faster, until finally Brian grabbed her into his arms and started to tickle her. The light giggles exploding from her best friend was charming to say the least. And Kitra was thankful that Grace was so happy. It had been so long since she had seen such a true smile on the girl's face, though after so many years of friendship she didn't know all the truths to the tale. She just remembered finding a trembling, wild, bloody seventeen year old wandering aimlessly through the dark alleys. It was hard to say the least, however, because she wasn't the one making Grace smile. The girl had such an easy time making friends, yet there Kitra was, an outsider as AJ disappeared. She may have told him earlier that she didn't care about the others liking her, but it still hurt.

The only exception was Howie, who had brought her in without a second thought about her past. But he belonged to Grace just like Brian, and he talked to Kitra less and less as the tour neared and started. Nick was freaky even for her and Kevin had said maybe two words to her. She sighed heavily, just watching her best friend for a moment while chewing on her thumbnail.

Nonetheless, Grace seemed oblivious to Kitra's sadness as Brian evoked all of her attention. Playfully scooping her up, he dumped her onto Howie's table to elicit a heavy tickle torture. Her giggles turned into sharp squeals of laughter, even causing Kevin to chuckle as he passed Kitra to fill his drink again. "She's too damn cute."

"Can’t help but love her, huh?" Kitra spoke towards him, desperate for some kind of conversation, connection or response... anything to let her know that she was still visible.

"Huh?" Kevin deadpanned for a moment, glancing down to the source of the voice. Only, when he met Kitra's longing gaze, he straightened into an uncomfortable posture. Obviously, he wasn't exactly thrilled with Kitra. After all the trouble AJ had caused by himself, Kevin was positive that he didn't need any help from a sexy bombshell.

"I said, can't help but love her. Sorry, I was just trying to talk to someone--"

"Your little boy-toy just not enough anymore?"

"Excuse me?" Kitra felt herself shrink back from the harsh tone in Kevin's voice.

"I said, your little boy-toy just not enough anymore?" he mimicked Kitra.

"I've been nothing but nice to all of you, where do you get off treating me like the plague?"

"Don't call in a pity party," Kevin groaned. "I'm thankful that you did all the costumes. They're absolutely fantastic, but don't think I can accept what you're about. AJ was hard enough to deal with without you here. But knowing that someone can follow his destructive behaviors and wrap him around in some sexual fantasy is disgusting to the rest of us. I can tolerate you to a point, but don't expect to be my friend. Not with what you're about and what you're trying to achieve."

"And what am I about, Kevin? What am I trying to achieve? Please let me in on this secret, because I'm too far 'below you' to understand."

"You know damn well--"

"Obviously I don't know if I'm asking you."

"He's nothing but an expensive trick to you, possibly a rich father since he obviously doesn't like to wear condoms and you do nothing to stop that, do you? Doesn't he have enough problems on his back without adding some money hungry former prostitute with a lust for money onto it? Huh?" Kevin growled with obvious discomfort, wanting to hide his opinions. He knew that disagreeing about Kitra would only push AJ harder to misbehave.

"Money hungry former prostitute with a lust for money... so that's what you all think of me. I did it to fucking survive while you live in a huge lavish house. You never have to worry about paying the bills on time. Or how you're going to get food so you don't starve. Compared to me, your life has been served on a fucking silver platter--"

"Don't even compare yourself to me. I'm not a street whore with an expensive drug addiction who leeches off celebrities--"

"Fuck you and the horse you rode in on. Why should I even care about being friends with any of you when I get treated like this?" Kitra stood up and ran out of McDonald's towards the bus she shared with AJ. Tears brimmed and finally fell as she began slamming her fists into the hard metal of the bus. She felt so foolish for thinking any of those men AJ called brothers would want to be friends with her.

What did it honestly matter anyway? She didn't come to make friends, having AJ and Grace in her life were enough. And, since she had her fixes stored away in her purse, she could make herself forget the heartache. Like she was going to do now.

*~*~*

Howie had to admit he was excited when the break for dinner ended and Grace hopped onto his bus to spend the rest of the trip toward their destination. Watching her at dinner with Brian had made him lonely and anxious to take her attention all for himself. The beginning of the tour had been actual heartache, just sitting on his tour bus thinking about her. Not a minute passed when she wasn't in his mind. So, he could hardly contain himself as he hopped in the expensive bathroom for a quick shower before bed. Furiously rubbing the droplets of water away from his dark curls, he made his way out to the living room and kitchen area of his lavish bus. Turning slightly, he found his angel curled on the couch underneath the row of tinted windows. The steady drum of rain above her had lulled her into a sweet dream world. She couldn't have looked more perfect in Howie's eyes.

Like he always did when he saw her, he thanked God for bringing Grace into his life. The happiness outweighed the drama and he wouldn't have it any other way. The love in his heart for her was so abundant that sometimes he thought it would burst. If only she would start believing in love...

Sighing softly with a smile adorning his handsome face, Howie walked over to the couch and sat down next to Grace.

Gingerly, he reached out to rub the length of her back, hoping to stir her from the sleep so he might take her back to the beautiful bedroom. The first concert was tomorrow evening, so she would need a comfortably peaceful sleep that evening. Besides, he was anxious just to curl up closely to her underneath the blankets, kissing and caressing her softly. Only, when he reached to touch her, she shifted and nestled her head into his lap. She released the softest sigh of contentment, curling closely to Howie's body. He felt blood release and rush throughout his system, causing him to flush.
"...Gracie..."

"I'm awake," she sleepily promised.

"Gracie... come on, Sweetheart, it's time to go to bed."

Lazily, Grace turned onto her back so she could stare up at Howie. She rubbed her eyes in order to clear away the sleepiness. She then released a soft yawn as she folded her arms against her bare abdomen. She had to smile as she drowned into the sweetness of his dark eyes. She hadn't exactly meant to doze off. He had promised to take a five minute shower, which ended up being longer than anticipated. And the softness of the rain had lulled her naturally. "I was in bed. You woke me up."

"I'm not going to let you sleep on the couch the night before our first concert. You need sleep in a real bed," Howie smiled back, leaning down to kiss her softly. "Come on."

"I'm okay with the couch," Grace promised, brushing her fingertips lightly against his face when he bent down to kiss her. "You're the one doing all the singing and dancing tomorrow and the bed is probably too small for two--"

"You saw the bed. There's more than enough room for us," Howie interrupted. He wasn't going to let Grace win this time as he leaned down to lift her into his arms.

"Stranger!"

"What?" he questioned with a devilish smile, craning his neck to capture her lips. He gently brushed his tongue against her bottom lip, causing her to part her lips to accept his beautiful kisses. She kept her arms wrapped around his neck as she leaned up to meet halfway for the kiss, depending it dramatically. Howie had to smile as they continued, walking toward the back of the tour bus as their kisses and nips continued. Kissing her caused no argument to leave her lips, allowing him to easily lay her down on the large bed to continue.

"Howie..." Grace whimpered softly inside his mouth when she felt the softness of the bed beneath her and him climbing on top of her. She felt her heart rate increase dramatically as her body tensed with anticipation. She wanted him so badly and he was making it harder every day.

"Gracie," he whispered, his lips and tongue trailing small circles down her neck and jaw line before coming back to her for a deep kiss.

She wanted to tell him to stop, because his needs and wants were so much different than her own. She had yet to confess that she loved him dearly, so now it was just a mission of lust. But his gentle hands roaming her body and the passionately needy kisses were taking hold of her stronger than she had anticipated. Wanting to push him away, but she continued to pull him closer, nibbling on the bottom of his lip before hardening her kisses. Her body ached for his touches to travel elsewhere, but her mind was practically screaming for her to stop before Howie regretted this. "...Stranger... Please..."

"What's wrong?" he asked softly, looking into her eyes that reminded him of the beautiful ocean.

"You don't want this."

"What?"

"What you're doing right now," she attempted to explain, gulping hard at the lump in her throat as she tried to stabilize her breathing. She carefully pushed him off her body, using all her strength to deny him access to her private areas as she yanked her tank top down from where Howie had bunched it.

"If I didn't want it... why would I start doing it?" he replied in confusion, sitting up on the bed.

"Howie," Grace sighed heavily, quickly fanning flaming body with her tank top. "You want this to be about love, not sex--"

"You still think making love is nonexistent, don't you?"

"I don't know..." Grace frowned, immediately gazing down at her hands. "This is why I didn't want to sleep in the same bed. You get me so charged, Stranger. It's ridiculous. Do you realize how many cold showers I've been taking a day? And I don't want you to wake up tomorrow, look at me, and regret what you did and blame me for it."

"Gracie, you know how much I care about you... I tell you everyday. Nothing that we do would make me regret. I've been dreaming about to for so long, that I couldn't regret it."

"You say that now when we're hot and bothered, but Howie--"

"I say that because I mean it. Nothing can change that."

"I should just sleep on the couch--"

"No. I want you to sleep here."

"Howie--"

"Please."

Grace openly frowned at the desperation in Howie's voice. She had never been in a relationship before, so she didn't realize how complicated things could become. Especially when her emotions were raging and pleading with her to just say those three simple words. But, Howie's persistence to have sex had put her on edge. Just a few days ago he was trembling beneath her as she attempted to deepen their relationship. He asked her to stop and now when she asked him to stop in order to protect him; he was denying the help. It just didn't make sense anymore. "Howie. you're killing me."

"I'm killing you how?"

"You're sending me so many mixed signals, Stranger," Grace attempted to explain carefully, laying down at the head of the bed as she settled a body pillow against her side, almost like a barrier between her and Howie. "Just a few days ago, when I was aching to be with you, you started trembling beneath me. You looked so scared to do anything and you begged me to stop. I had to take a cold shower because I wanted you so badly. Now we're here and you're advancing everything so fast when the conditions you want us to have sex under aren't met. You tell me all the time that you want it to be making love, but I haven't told you that I love you. Nothing between us suggests that it's love... I'm trying to help you and stop you from making a mistake that you'll regret and you keep pushing against me. It's so damn hard, Howie, because I don't know what you want. And it's like you're toying with me and I'm under enough pressure... If you heard about the stupid joke with Nick and this is why you're trying so hard... I just don't know, okay? You're mixing signals..."

"The mixed signals doesn't go just one way, Gracie. You send them, too. But you know what? You're right, I am pushing things... I just get so into kissing you and everything else that I don't think of nothing more than you. You don't understand love and I've been trying to help you see what it is, but you choose not to see it," Howie sighed softly, running a hand through his still damp curls. "I haven't had anyone reciprocate any of my affections like you."

"I'm sorry, Howie," she answered honestly, burying her face within the body pillow. She knew it probably had to be ten times harder for Howie than herself. It wasn't fair to him, especially when he was finally willing to pull her into sexual frenzy. She just didn't know what to do anymore, considering the fact that she loved him yet he had yet to say those words to her anyway. She just didn't want to make a fool of herself.
"What are you sorry about?"

"Everything, for even putting you through this mess to begin with. You've had such a hard time with previous relationships and now you think this one is going to be different. Then I can't help but think I'm just like Corinne when she r--" Grace's blew a hard groan into the pillow when she realized her confession, immediately rolling off the bed. Howie always made her feel so damn foolish. That's why she could never voice her feelings.

"So you know what Corinne did to me," Howie spoke softly, leaning over the edge of the bed to glance down at Grace laying on the floor.

"Kind of..." Grace trailed, unable to even meet his gaze because of her own shame. "...I was upset that Corinne just constantly fawns of you and dances with you on the tour... I said something to Kitra and she said AJ told her..."

"It's okay--"

"How is it possibly okay?" Grace interrupted, sitting up as she released a sharp sigh filled with disgust at herself. She boosted herself into a standing position and immediately hunched over her backpack to retrieve something, anything to keep her busy enough to avoid what she assumed were Howie's painfully dark eyes. All her life she had been told to watch her mouth, yet it still got her into trouble. "I shouldn't have said a damn thing. It's your business, not mine. Hell, I have a hard enough time controlling my emotions in our relationship - whatever that may be - let alone pass gossip around like some flighty bitch--"

"Okay, you can stop the rambling now," Howie interrupted with a deep frown, just watching Grace practically ignore him as she searched for something. "You're not a flighty bitch and sooner or later you were going to find out what Corinne did. It doesn't make you like her at all, Gracie. I wouldn't have fallen for you if that was true."

"You fell for her, too," Grace mumbled, hitting the bottom of her backpack with no means of an escape.

"And you fell for her, too, remember?" Grace mumbled, hitting the bottom of her backpack with no means of an escape. Everything she had been fighting inside was finally starting to bubble to the surface of her pained heart. She loved Howie so deeply, yet couldn't voice the words. Only, she sought to fight with him and make herself unwanted. After all, he hadn't said he loved her anyway. She was just another mistake in his path of horrible relationships.

"No, I didn't fall in love with her. I lied myself into thinking I was when all along... I wasn't. I didn't feel any of the connections like I do with you," Howie got to his feet and stood behind Grace.

Grace exhaled a painful breath, oblivious to Howie's movements as she stared blankly into her cluttered bag. "Why didn't you just tell me in the first place? I wouldn't have tried to..."

"It isn't something I like to talk about. I thought you wouldn't want to be with me if--"

"She really did it, then?"

"Yeah... she did... should have seen the look on the policeman's face when I told him what happened. Laughed right in my face and said that I made the whole thing up. That's why Corinne isn't in jail..."

"Howie--" Grace turned suddenly from her bag, not expecting Howie to be directly behind her. She yelped slightly in surprise, falling backward on the couch. She didn't know what she was planning to do when she turned around, but to find him so close. She didn't know what to say as their eyes locked, Howie's pain practically embedding into her heart.

"I was scared you wouldn't see me as a man if I told you I was raped," Howie spoke softly, never breaking contact with their eyes.

"God, Howie..."

"I'm sorry--"

"Why are you sorry?"

"Shouldn't I be? A man getting raped is--"

"Howie, no--"

"I'm not a man. She took that from me... I just thought by some miracle you could help me get it back. I don't know."

Grace bit down hard on her bottom lip, honestly speechless with Howie's confession. He was so honest and sincere with her, exposing the rawest of his emotions. Yet she bottled herself into a cold prison, which just seemed to eat her alive most days. She thought about reaching out to touch him, to comfort him in some way, but she didn't know if it was appropriate. He was so calm; it made her nervous.

Howie mistook her silence for hesitation and continued. "But I don't blame you if that's something you don't want--"

"No, Howie, wait--"

"You went silent and I assumed--"

"Assuming always makes an ass out of you and me," Grace interupted in attempts to soften the mood, but Howie was too somber for that. She immediately blushed with embarrassment, dropping her gaze to her hands as she listened to the rain continue to beat against the large tour bus. "I didn't know what to say... Or what you wanted me to do..."
"I wanted to know what you thought about it all... do you think less of me? Does it embarrass you?" Howie asked softly.

Grace shook her head as her strawberry blonde curls toppled over her delicate shoulders as she blinked away a heavy set of tears. "I can't think less of you, Howie. I never could. And to think you're not a man because you were... I'm just so upset that I didn't realize when I... All the times I tried to push you into..."

"You weren't pushing me, Gracie. It's something I want more than anything, but I'm honestly scared of disappointing you during it all... I may be called the Latin Lover but the confidence was gone a long time ago," Howie admitted, now taking his turn to chew on his bottom lip.

"Which means you're assuming I'm some bombshell of a high paid prostitute?"

"What? No, I don't think that. I was just saying that I don't want to disappoint you."

"You're not going to disappoint me--"

"I didn't know at the time. I just want it all to be perfect..."

"You're a traditional romantic, Howie..."

"I was raised that way."

Grace exhaled a slow breath, continuing to study her hands. She didn’t want to poke and prod. He had done so much for her and she wanted to confess her deepest thoughts to him. About how he was perfect in her eyes. That he could never disappoint her, because she loved him indefinitely. "This conversation seems to be a mute point, though, because we haven't fulfilled your obligations..."

"Fulfilled my obligations? What do you mean?" Howie raised an eyebrow in confusion.
Grace knew she could confess the entirety of her feelings at that very moment. She could muster the strength to say with conviction that she loved him. That the new feelings were the most powerful feelings she had ever felt for one person before. But, when her green eyes glanced upward to catch Howie's dark eyes, she folded and she whispered.

"It'd just be sex."

"Gracie--"

"I'm so sorry, Howie..."

"Now what are you apologizing for?"

Grace attempted to stand and move past him. "For making you talk about this and--"
"I needed to talk about it," Howie moved to block her.

Grace furled her light brows in obvious frustration when she attempted to leave several times and he continued to stand in front of her. Finally, she just attempted to step forward, managing just to collide into his body. And, it took only a moment for her arms to weave around his neck as she buried her face into the crook of his neck. "I hate her so damn much!"

"I know Baby, I know. You're not the only one who hates her," Howie whispered into her hair as he held her close.

"I am so sorry for what she did to you. For hurting you so badly. I wish I could take that feeling away for you, because I know how much it really hurts... I'm just so sorry, Stranger--"

"It's not your fault, Gracie. There's nothing we can do to change what happened," Howie glanced down at the angel in his arms and thought for a moment. "You know how much it hurts?"

"Yes..." she trailed, wincing slightly as Howie pulled her to arm's length to study her.

"What are you saying? What happened?"

"You know about Evan--"

"Was it just Evan?"

Grace blanked, not really knowing what to say. Her past was tainted with rapists. That much was apparent. But it solely started with one person that she couldn't bear to whisper his name without breaking into hysterics. Moistening her lips, she meekly shrugged her shoulders as she dropped her gaze like a scolded child. "I just want to talk about you..."

"Gracie--"

"You've got a huge concert tomorrow, Stranger... Why don't you let me give you a massage so you can sleep?"

"Are you sure there's nothing else you want to tell me?"

Grace apprehensively rubbed her bare shoulder as Howie slowly released his grip on her. She just studied him for a moment, noticing her reflection in his dark irises. She seemed so empty when she studied herself within him and it hurt. But she couldn't confess that, instead, she attempted to offer him hope. Cupping his face within her hands, she attempted a brave smile, "You're my everything, Stranger. Okay?"

"I am?"

"Of course you are. I wouldn't have it any other way," she leaned up and kissed him gently.

"Gracie..."

"I mean it with all my heart," she promised softly, folding his hand over her heart as she kissed him again. Just wanting him to know how much she cared about him. To let him know that it didn't matter what Corinne did. She wanted him and only him.

"You mean so much to me..."

"And you mean even more to me."

Chapter 19 – I Love You

"You are absolutely going to have a heart attack, Kitty," AJ promised with a bold streak of pride, cupping his hands over Kitra's eyes as the elevator doors finally opened. After an entire day in the tour bus, they had finally arrived at their first destination. A brief set up of the hotel rooms was in order, then they would need to leave immediately for the venue. Adrenaline raced through AJ's body as he thought of the first show of the new tour. Getting on the stage always seemed to set his mind at ease. For the longest time, that's the only place where he felt comfortable. Yet, now with Kitra by his side, AJ was able to face reality on and off the stage. He owed her the world and intended to make good on the deal.

"A heart attack over a hotel room? That would make an interesting obituary..." Kitra trailed off with a giggle, though she was just as anxious to see where they would be staying.

"Maybe a heart attack over what we'll do in the hotel room?" AJ seductively suggested, planting a kiss against the side of her neck while leaning to slide the appropriate card through the locking mechanism of his room. He could already hear the various sounds of his band mates settling in, knowing he'd have time for some fun.

"Okay, that is something to seriously think about," Kitra licked her lips while AJ led her into the lush room.

"That's what I thought, too," AJ decided, easing his hands away from her eyes so she could take in the full glory of the room. Since their rise to stardom, the boys were now allowed to have their own private rooms on the top floor of the hotel, which joined into a suite with their own kitchenette and living room. To say the room was fancy would have been a vast understatement. It was larger than any apartment the girls had ever had in their lifetime, completely furnished with rich, wooden furniture and creamy layers of soft fabric. The atmosphere was warm and inviting as their feet sunk into the rich carpet, their luggage piled neatly at the doorway. There was even a veranda attached to the side so they could view the in-door and out-door pool.

"Oh... my... God..." Kitra whispered, placing a hand over her chest as she scanned the room over and over. Surely this was the wrong place.

"Do you need mouth to mouth?"

"Will you be giving it?"

"Like I would let another guy have an opportunity with you," AJ huffed as Kitra gingerly stepped into the room, brushing her fingertips over the smoothly polished surfaces of the room in sheer amazement.

"This just... you... and I... in this room?" Kitra stopped at the veranda, gazing out towards the city limits. It was so hard to believe she was actually there.

"This is our room," AJ confirmed with a raspy laugh. "And they only get better as we keep touring."

"Alex, I... this just seems so surreal. It's so beautiful."

"So you like it?"

"Like it? I love it! It's amazing."

"You really deserve the best, Kitty," AJ promised, rifling through their stacked luggage to locate a specific suitcase. Practically ripping it open, he offered her a package. He had gone to considerable thought in formulating the perfect gift for her, hoping she'd enjoy it. He knew from their late night talks that she hadn't been lavished with gifts at all during her lifetime and she loved them. So, he couldn't resist.

"What's this?" Kitra took it into her hands and smiled brightly. She always wanted to be spoiled but never had the chance until she met AJ. It was a nice change of pace in her life. "Pretty soon I'm going to need a huge closet like yours to keep all my stuff."

"I'll take that into consideration," AJ promised as she hopped onto the bed, eagerly tearing into the pretty paper. He truly adored the way her stormy blue eyes lit into the crisp shade of a beautiful island's lagoon as the excitement built in her system. And when she revealed a large tablet and series of expensive artistic tools, he decided to speak. "When we get to the venue, you pretty much have a boring wait until everything is set up and the show is almost ready to begin. So, I thought I'd buy you some supplies so you could work on your clothing designs. I've seen you doodle on napkins during dress rehearsals, I think it could really turn into something. Maybe by the time we're home, you'll have enough to create a line to show off..."

"Alex... I've always wanted something like this for God knows how long. They're perfect for my sketches," Kitra's mind clicked and she looked back up at AJ in surprise. "A line? All my own? You mean, like a clothing line?"

"You're damn good at what you do. The gowns for More Than That, they're your honest to God own creation. Pure scratch and I couldn't have imagined anything more beautiful. So, when we get back, I'm going to franchise your work. Your line. It's something we can do together."

"You're too damn much for me sometimes," Kitra sniffled, looking down at her new supplies. "You know that, right?"

"And you deserve it, you know that, right?" AJ retorted simply, leaning down to kiss the top of her head.

"I guess once in awhile I need a little reminder," Kitra cupped his face in her hands and brought them together for a simple kiss.

"I'll always be here to remind you," he promised, affectionately rubbing her shoulders as he accepted the kiss. His words were simplistic, but the meaning ran so deeply in his heart that he hoped she understood. He needed her more than he had needed anyone in his entire life. She gave him the will to quit drugs and alcohol. She gave him the will to live without depression.

"Yeah? Do you promise?" Kitra whispered, gazing deep into his chocolate brown eyes that were no longer hidden behind sunglasses to block the redness that came from the drugs and hangovers.

"With everything I finally feel in here," AJ promised, holding their hands against his heart.

Kitra felt a breath catch within her throat and it hardened as a chill ran down her spine. It took only a moment for her to realize the implications of his words and their hands on his practically pounding heart. She recognized the look in his eyes, the same look that reflected in her heart that she drown with her dwindling stash of deadly powders. Only, before she could muster a reply, there was a sharp pounding on AJ's door, causing her to jump.

AJ groaned with a small laugh, "That'd be their way of saying to get my ass in motion. Sorry to pull you away from paradise, Sweet Thing."

"Th-that's okay. Work before pleasure," Kitra managed to offer a smile as they both stood.

"And we'll definitely soak up the pleasure after the first show," AJ promised, leaning down to kiss her deeply.

"Mmm, I can't wait," Kitra found herself moaning as someone knocked again. "They're not very patient, are they?"

"Neither are you," AJ chuckled, tugging on her hand. "C'mon, I don't need Kevin chewing on my ass."

"Go on ahead of me, I got to freshen my make-up. I'll be right out," Kitra replied, kissing his hand before letting go.

"Don't take too long, I might miss you," AJ sweetly replied, smiling before ducking out of the hotel room to catch up with his band mates.

"Oh, finally," Kitra breathed in relief as she rushed into the bathroom and locked the door behind her.

She fumbled with her purse, dumping the entire contents into the large sink. She wasted no time with those meaningless items, needing to rid herself of the sting. Her emotions were growing too strong and she refused to become a victim again. She ached for a quick rush that made her forget. Hurriedly pulling away the layer of fabric lining the inside of her purse, she snuck her hand into the secret pocket to withdraw two small folded pieces of paper. Just a little rush to help her survive. Just a little.

*~*~*

Brian whistled to himself as he exited the private dressing room, tugging apprehensively on the leather trench coat adorning his body. For the start of the show, Kitra had suggested the boys wear black and blue to signify their new album. Only, the black had turned into leather, causing Brian some slight discomfort. He had just finished whining to his wife, who had simply laughed at his dismay. So, Brian decided it might be best to warm up and break out the leather. And, those thoughts slightly intermixed as his noticed Howie an open area flooded with their costumes, crew, and various equipment needed to proceed with the show. He couldn't help but wonder what had happened last night between his best friends. So, Howie was stretching his already limber body as Brian approached with a broad comment, "Do you feel like a giant condom? Or is it just me?"

"Say what?" Howie stopped stretching and burst out laughing at his band mate's comment. Brian just had that timing where something so random turned into something hilarious.
"Do you feel like a giant condom or is it just me?" Brian repeated with a wickedly sheepish grin. He motioned toward Howie's leather trench coat layered over his electric blue t-shirt depicting a silver eagle which was messily tucked into his leather pants. "This stuff is just not too liberating..."

"Unlike a condom, you can break in leather. By the time we do our third concert, it won't be as bad," Howie shook his head, trying to control his laughter. He reached over and took a long drink of water. "I just hope you didn't call Leigh and tell her that."
Brian's face immediately fell, "What makes you think I did that?"

"Because I know you that well."

"I needed some sympathy, okay?"

"You actually said it to your WIFE?!" Howie began rolling on the floor, laughing hysterically. The giddiness always came out right before a concert and Brian wasn't helping.

"Hah-hah-hah," Brian announced dryly, stepping down on his friend's stomach to stop him from rolling. "You're not that funny."

"I'm not the one who told my wife I felt like a giant c-c-condom!"

"And I'm not the idiot rolling around on the floor, laughing like a little girl," Brian commented, attempting to keep Howie still. But it proved useless as the man broke free and Brian landed on his backside. His light blue eyes widened in surprise as Howie released a tighter fit of laughter. "You're in a really good mood..."

"I always get like this before a concert, you know that--"

"Not this giddy..." Brian emphasized with a shake of his head as his lips curved into a devilish grin. "Gracie-Babe told you, didn't she?"

"Told me? Told me what?"

"Don't play dumb," Brian laughed as he held his hand out to help Howie upward.

"I have no idea what the Hell you're talking about," Howie raised an eyebrow as he stood.

Brian quickly glanced sideways, locating Grace easily as she spoke with Kevin. And, when he looked back to meet Howie's gaze, his smile instantly faded as his cheeks blushed with natural embarrassment. The vacant look in Howie's eyes said it all, causing Brian to groan inward. He had just hoped with all his might that Grace would have mustered the courage. "Damnit..."

"Brian, what did you do now?" Howie questioned with the same tone that Leighanne, his mother and Kevin used quite often when he assumed too much.

"Nothing--"

"Bullshit."

"It was something that Grace was supposed to do--"

"Supposed to do? You better spill right now--"

Brian whimpered pathetically, "I can't."

"You can't? What do you mean, you can't?"

"I kind of promised..."

"You little--"

"You're telling me nothing fantastic happened between you and Gracie last night? She didn't say anything? She didn't show you anything?"

"We talked about things and she gave me a massage... what else was supposed to happen?"

"Things?"

"...Corinne... and what she did to me."

Brian studied Howie for a moment with confusion, shaking his head with disbelief. Not knowing about the rape, he just assumed Howie meant the horrifying break-up. "Damnit, D..."

"What did I do now?"

"Not you, I mean her. She's such a brat..."

"What do you mean?" Howie groaned with annoyance.

"I can't say anything, I promised her--"

"I'm one of your best friends!"

"So is she--"

"Are you actually going to keep this from me?"

"I was kind of hoping..." Brian trailed as Howie backed him into the wall, causing him to hold his hands up in defense.

"Do you really want to finish that sentence?"

"Howie..."

"Brian, please."

"What?"

"Tell me."

"I can't! I promised!"

"Do you realize how hard this relationship is? I need something to go on... So I know that I'm really doing the right thing by her. I love her so much, I just--"

"Need to tell her that."

"Brian--"

"You know she doesn't have the courage to talk about her feelings just yet. You need to take the first step."

"But--"

"You asked for my help, D."

"I know, but--"

"That's all I can tell you--"

"There has got to be something more--"

"Howie... Honestly," Brian sighed, glancing around carefully to make sure no one would overhear. He felt badly for the man. After all, Howie was trying so damn hard to make Grace understand love and it was easy to see that he thought he was failing. Brian wanted to instill hope, to let Howie know that things were going wonderfully. That he could relax around Grace, finally. But, he didn't want to betray Grace's trust. "...She needs to hear that you love her. She hears everyone else telling her that you love her, but you haven't said it directly to her. I think that confuses her the most... Other than that, she enjoys you so much, Howie. You're all she can talk about once you get past her walls."

"Really?"

"Well, of course. You just need to tell her."

"Thanks, Brian."

"Oh, and that journal she's always scribbling in..."

"Yeah?"

"She let me read some of the stuff in it and, God, it's amazing..."

"What does she write?"

"Anything that comes to her mind really. Poems, short stories, even some doodles. But, her lyrics..."

"She writes songs?" Howie murmured, glancing over at Grace for a moment who was still talking to Kevin.

"Beautiful and powerful lyrics," Brian confirmed. "Some of the newer ones are about you."

"Me?"

"You," Brian confirmed, noticing that Kevin had finally disappeared from Grace's side. She looked somewhat lost for a moment, finally seeking out a mirror to examine her outfit. Only, the look in her emerald eyes was unmistakable as she wrung her hands tightly together. She was frightfully nervous. "And that's exactly who she probably needs right now."

"Me?" Howie repeated again, following Brian's gaze. "Me... she looks so nervous."

"She looks like she's about to pass out."

"Gracie..."

"Talk to her. She needs you."

Howie wanted to protest, but Brian gave him a gentle shove in her direction. The budge seemed to propel his movement, causing him to walk toward her. She was oblivious to his approach, however, too concentrated on studying her appearance. Howie had to admit that Kitra had a flare for finding the most gorgeous clothing that seemed to explode within Grace's natural sex appeal. For the first set of songs, she had been given a pair of low riding leather pants complimented with a backless, silver halter top. Her usually curly strawberry locks had been ironed and fixed into a messy bun with several locks framing her delicate face. Her creamy peach skin glistened with the right amount of shimmer, complements of makeup, but she naturally glowed to Howie anyway. A small tinkling could be heard within the silence of her stare as the silver bracelets wrapped around her arms clanked together with her nervous hand movements.

"Why did I ever try out? I can't do this in front of all those people. I'm going to screw up, get fired and fall on my ass," Grace muttered to herself, chewing on her bottom lip.

"An angel never falls during her graceful dance," Howie murmured, though his voice sounded like a gunshot in Grace's ears. He winced as she whirled around in shock, almost falling backward into the large mirror. He quickly reached to grasp her shoulders, saving her from what would have been a bloody fall. "Gracie, are you okay?"

"I... Holy shit," Grace wheezed, her nerves far too frazzled as she trembled within Howie's grasp. She was terrified as the chants for the boys began to grow louder than before while thousands of fans filtered into their seats. She had never had such a large crowd watch her before and barely had the self esteem to realize she would dazzle them.

"Take a deep breath and calm down. You're going to make yourself pass out," Howie began rubbing her bare shoulders.

"I don't remember how to do that..." Grace whispered softly, her emerald eyes still widened with great apprehension. She clasped her hands tightly over her exposed abdomen, feeling the coolness of her belly button ring with the dangling fairy charm. But the cold did nothing to soothe her as she studied Howie's dark eyes, thankful he had found her.

"Baby..." Howie chided softly. "It's like normal breathing, only longer, and remember it's continuous..."

"I don't know what made me think I could do this," she confessed, tapping her hands nervously against her trim waist. "Not once have I danced in front of thousands. Just a couple dozen drunken guys who just wanted to see my skin instead of how I moved... Not that anyone will be watching me here, but I don't want to disappoint you and--"

"You're not going to disappoint me because you're going to do everything perfect, I promise. You're a fantastic dancer and I have so much faith in you," Howie kissed her softly as to not disturb her make-up.

Grace frowned, not too convinced by Howie's sweet kiss. "You have too much faith."

"There's no such thing."

"Stranger--"

"You can do it, Gracie."

"I'm scared."

"It's okay to be scared. You just can't let it control you," Howie framed her face with his hands so he could look into her eyes.

"Stranger..."

"You're going to be fine, Gracie. Trust me, alright?"

Grace carefully moistened her bottom lip, wrapping her hands delicately around his wrists as he continued to cup her face. "I trust you."

"Good," he finally smiled as they kissed again.

"I'm starting to think you might be my Knight in Shining Armor. You keep on rescuing me..."

"And I'll always rescue you," Howie vowed, rubbing their noses together in an Eskimo kiss.

Grace actually giggled in surprise, "Howie!"

"What?" he chuckled, doing it once more.

"That tickles!" she answered, attempting to pull away.

"Well it got you giggling, so get back here!" he pulled her closer to prevent an escape.
"That was your goal?" she guessed, her cheeks flushing a soft crimson as her arms curled safely around his neck, knowing there would be no escape.

"Laughing always helps me relax; I thought it would help you, too."

"Relaxing is not part of my vocabulary right now."

"Gracie."

"I'm trying?"

"You're going to be great."

"We'll find out soon enough..." Grace trailed, stepping closer into his embrace if it even seemed possible at that point. "But shouldn't you be with the boys instead of conversing with a backup?"

"Ahem. It's called conversing with my girlfriend," Howie corrected softly.

"Your girlfriend..."

"That's what you are, right?"

"Yes--"

"Alright, lovebirds. I hate to break this up, but we've all got to warm-up," Kevin spoke up, breaking the sentimental moment.

"That means I have to go play with other boys," Grace attempted to tease, knowing she'd miss Howie's arms throughout the two hour show.

"You're not funny," Howie teased back, ticking her nose with his.

"Howie," she giggled, attempting to scowl.

"You can't do an angry look," he chuckled, kissing her again as they parted to practice.

*~*~*

Kitra had to smile as she weaved through the barrage of female dancers hurriedly pulling on their gowns for the More Than That routine, wanting to locate her best friend. The boys were currently singing All I Have to Give, so it gave the girls a chance to perfect themselves. Only, Grace looked completely baffled as she flipped through her rack of costumes, obviously not able to locate her costume. The nervous energy that had dissipated once she stepped onto the stage now reappeared with a strong wave that looked as if it might drown the young girl. She repeatedly continued to flip through her outfits, not understanding how she could miss something so important. Kitra had to laugh softly, already holding the gown in her hands. She had wanted to surprise her best friend.

"Racie, what's wrong?"

"I'm a complete idiot!" Grace groaned inwardly, immediately whipping around to face her best friend. Her emerald eyes were slightly teary with frustration, not understanding how it could have just disappeared. "I lost my costume..."

"You lost your costume? How can that happen?"

"I-I don't know. I thought it would be here with everyone else's and... and... Kit, I can't find--"

"Your costume," Kitra interrupted, holding the beautiful fabric up for Grace to see.
Grace blanked as she studied the beautiful dress that had been presented to her as if she were Cinderella. It had to have been one of the most beautiful creations Kitra had ever designed. It was a long dress with a delicate empire waist falling into a handkerchief style skirting with a double layer of light chiffon to give the appearance of elegant gliding. The silk fabric was the lightest shade of lavender to compliment her light peach complexion. It was beautiful and Grace had never owned something so elegant.
"That's not mine..."

"Oh yes it is. I had to fix yours after Draeger ripped it, remember? I just made some more additional touches," Kitra laughed again, pushing the dress into Grace's hands. "Now go change!"

"Mine was green--"

"Was. Now it's lavender. Stop arguing and change, you don't have a lot of time left!"
Grace looked like she might argue, but Kitra pushed her in the direction of the changing area. She seemed to follow through with the motions, taking the gown with her. Kitra had to laugh as the other girls came fluttering by, bending down to fix and prep the girls. Then the boys came flooding into the changing area, hurriedly throwing on their next costumes as a cute video was shown to give the performers a small break. Kitra seemed lost in her own world till AJ bent to deliver a quick, sweaty kiss to her neck while throwing on his elegant black suite. "Did you give her the gown?"

"Baby! You scared me," Kitra gasped softly, turning to see AJ right next to her.

"Sorry. Did you give it to her?"

"Yes and she didn't think it was her dress. I swear, she would have argued about it until the concert was over."

"She's a sweetheart," AJ chuckled, pressing another kiss to the side of Kitra's face. "And you were a sweetheart to do it for her."

"She's my Racie. I would do anything for her--"

"MY COSTUME DOESN'T FIT!" Corinne's voice suddenly shrieked, interrupting the entire conversation as she rushed up to Kitra with a accusatory finger launched into the younger woman's face. She was seething with absolute anger as the dress hung around her upper thighs, unable to even pull it up over her thicker waist. Grace was tiny compared to all the other dancers, so Kitra just fixed the hem to torture Corinne. "What the fuck did you do to it?!"

"One too many burgers at McDonalds, Corinne?" Howie asked simply as he stepped toward Kitra, allowing her to help tuck in his dress shirt.

"That bitch did something to my costume! I know she did!" Corinne roared, her pointed finger turning into a balled up fist. Kitra paid no attention to the furious woman, continuing to adjust Howie's shirt.

"Hey, it's not my fault that you keep gaining weight. Tima always tells you to keep your ass out of buffets--"

"What's the problem?" Fatima suddenly asked, moving toward the sound of elevated voices. Only, no one had to answer her questions as she noticed Corinne's costume problem. Her dark eyes widened in shock at the revelation, narrowing her gaze at the mean spirited dancer. "Corinne... How many times have I told you that you need a strict diet?"
Corinne sputtered with disbelief, "Grace eats like a damn cow!"

"Racie is paper thin and needs to gain the weight that your constantly telling her she needs to lose! That's why she's been dropping weight like crazy!" Kitra suddenly burst with defense, refusing to let Corinne manipulate the situation. Grace would not be put on the sacrificial alter.

"Excuse me? You've been telling what to Grace? That's why she's been getting so thin!" Fatima clenched her jaw in hopes to keep her temper in control. So many times she had been tempted to strike Corinne but managed to keep it from happening. "When Grace joined the troupe she was the perfect body type! How dare you mentally abuse one of my dancers!"

Corinne's jaw fell in absolute disbelief as she glared critically at Kitra. "I don't say a damn thing to Grace!"

"You're a filthy liar!" Kitra snapped back.

"Kitty," AJ warned softly, reaching to draw her backward before Fatima could reprimand her, too. They have given Fatima enough information to hang Corinne, so they had to back off.

"Alex, she--"

"Let Tima handle this."

"I only see one solution. Kitra needs to let out some of the seams to make the dress fit," Fatima tugged on her long braids in pure frustration.

"There's not enough time. We have about three minutes left until the next song," Kevin disagreed with a shake of his head.

"Damnit," Fatima seethed.

"Why doesn't Racie-Cakes take over Corinne's solos?" AJ suddenly invited as Grace appeared in from the back. Her face furled into a look of purely innocent confusion as she glanced between the members of the small group. "She knows the entire dance by heart, including everyone's parts. She helps the girls when they get lost during rehearsals and there's enough space between her own solos and Corinne's solos to make it perfect."

"Huh?" Grace squeaked slightly as everyone's gazes shifted to her beautiful form, making her extremely uncomfortable.

"Racie could easily do it!" Kitra agreed with excitement.

"She does know all the routines..." Fatima trailed off in thought.

"Grace hasn't let us down yet and I don't think we have any other solution. She can do it," Kevin replied.

"Wait a damn minute! Don't I have a say in this?" Corinne objected, shooting a deadly glare towards Grace with the dress still stuck around her thighs.

"NO!" the boys, Kitra, and Fatima answered.

"I want you to give that costume to Kitra so she can properly fix it, then I want you to go straight back to the hotel and wait for me. We're starting you on a strict diet and having a conversation about what you've obviously been doing behind my back, but right now I want you out of my damn sight. You disgust me, Corinne," Fatima demanded.

"This is such fucking bullshit! I didn't do a damn thing to anyone!" Corinne tried to defend herself while pulling on her costume with no success. It was apparent the combination of Kitra hemming it too tight and the attempts to pull it up was making it hard to get off.

"Now, Corinne, or I might have to permanent suspend you from this tour," Fatima threatened.

"If I could get this damn dress off--"

"Corrine--" Fatima narrowed her dark black eyes as if she would like to strangle the older woman. She raised her hand as if she might do something, but some of the girls hurriedly pulled her away to help with the dress. Turning away from the sight, Fatima took several deep breaths before gazing at Grace. "Are you willing to take on the two parts? For me? Grace, we can't do this without you..."

"If you want me to..." Grace trailed softly.

"Want and need. Oh thank you, Grace! I know you won't let me down," Fatima hugged Grace tightly.

"I think you trust me too much," Grace squeaked with a shaky breath, accepting the hug and even the sloppy kiss.

"You've done nothing but the best so far. I have complete faith in you!" Fatima pulled away and ran off to spread the change of dancers.

"You are a conniving whore," Grace spoke freely to her best friend once Fatima was out of sight. It didn't take a genius to recognize her own gown on Corinne's somewhat plump form.

"Conniving, yes. Not a whore. I prefer the term 'bitch'," Kitra grinned triumphantly.

"You're absolutely horrible," Grace groaned softly as she pulled her long locks over her shoulder, preparing to show Kitra her back so the zipper could be secured. Only, she felt a pair of warm hands on her delicate skin and instantly recognized the smell of Howie's faint cologne. "Can you zip me up?"

"Of course," Howie complied and gently zipped up the dress. He kissed the nape of her neck with a smile as she turned around. "You've been doing great out there. I knew you would be."

"You're not supposed to be watching me."

"Too late."

"Stranger--"

Howie leaned toward her to whisper gently in her ear. "You enchant me, Gracie."

"Howie..." Grace murmured as she turned a dark shade of pink.

"You dance like an angel and I can't help but watch whenever I can."

"Start paying attention to your fans," Grace demanded lightly, though she couldn't help but be pleased with his words. It meant that he wanted her and only her. That she was his healthy obsession and no one else's.

"I do, but when you're onstage..."

Grace smiled softly with appreciation. "Thank you."

"No, thank you for trying out for the troupe," Howie brushed his lips against hers.
"And, as a thank you gift, I want you to go out and gouge yourself on pizza after this show," Kevin softly interrupted, though he hated to do so. It was the first time that Howie truly loved a woman in several years. The first time he was happy and Kevin hated to intrude on that.

"We could find a Pizza Hut together!" Kitra announced brightly. "You and me!"

"Pizza Hut? But it has all those carbs and fat--"

"Which is exactly what you need, just like Tima said. C'mon, Racie, how long has it been since we've had pizza?"

Grace attempted to pull away from Howie's grasp and divert the entire conversation. "I can't eat like that--"

"You can and you will. Gracie, it's scaring me to see how thin you're getting. It's not healthy. Please, will you start eating more? For me?" Howie asked in a slightly pleading tone.

"And when Kevin can't lift me because I'm as fat as a cow?"

"Gracie."

"Sorry..." Grace exhaled slowly, dropping her gaze.

"As soon as this is over with, you're going to get a shower, get comfy, and we're going out together. We need girl time anyway," Kitra decided, breaking all the tension.

"But Howie--"

"Howie is going to spend time with us guys," Brian and AJ spoke up with matching grins.

"And Brian's taken so you know we're not chick hunting," AJ added on.

Grace grimaced with a rueful smile as she glanced to Howie. "Do you mind?"

"I don't mind if you do."

"Howie--"

"Go and have fun with Kit tonight. Pig out, watch horror movies and chug Pepsi."

"You're too good to me."

"You deserve it."

"No, I--"

"BOYS! MORE THAN THAT! GET YOUR ASSES UP THERE!" Fatima shouted from an unknown location.

"Yeah, get your asses up there," Grace teased lightly, fixing Howie's tie gingerly.

"I'll see you up there," Howie grinned, kissing her once more before he and the guys ran towards the stage.

"I love you!" Grace called without thought, moving toward her position beneath the stage.

"Oh my God! Racie! You just said 'I love you'! To Howie!" Kitra jumped up and down with excitement.

"Huh?' Grace blanked in surprise, turning on her mechanical lift beneath the stage's trap door to see that Kitra had followed her.

"You just told Howie you loved him!"

"I..." Grace bit down hard on her glossed bottom lip with absolute horror, actually drawing a drop of blood. "...Oh God..."

"I'm so proud of you!"

Kitra may have been proud, but Grace was absolutely mortified. She hadn't meant to say a word about her adoration for him, but, somehow it had slipped without warning. She never could control her emotions when they overpowered her stoic nature. Her blood seemed to run cold as she tugged angrily at her straightened locks. "Did he hear?"

"I don't know--"

"That wasn't supposed to happen!"

"Why not?" Kitra raised an eyebrow in confusion. "You love him, there's nothing wrong with that. He should know because he loves you!"

"Not once has he told me that he loves me, Kitra. Not once. And I'm the idiot that just blurts it like some drunken fool? God, I'm an idiot."

"Just stop and think about this. You told him that love doesn't exist. That making love doesn't exist. Do you think he will say he loves you before he can get you to believe otherwise?"

"The music is cuing up, Kitra--"

"Just listen to the song they're singing. Howie's singing it to you."

"Kit--"

"Just listen," Kitra replied as Grace was lifted up towards the stage.

Chapter 20 – The Words

"Guys... Can I ask you an honest question?" Howie voiced as he, Brian, and AJ gathered in the large living room adjoining their hotel suites. The concert had ended some time ago and was quite successful. The thousands of fans had been screaming loudly for them, practically deafening them. But Grace's voice echoed in his mind, practically etched there forever. When he was hurrying upstairs to the upper entrance to the stage, he had heard her soft voice offer an 'I love you.' He had been so shocked that he actually stumbled on the stairs, connecting his knee on the edge of them. It had bruised terribly, but he couldn't feel it. Wondering if she had meant it or if he had merely created it. He was so anxious for her to love him that maybe he dreamed every moment of it.

"Yes, all the guys in the audience were eyeing your girlfriend," Brian teased lightly, sprawling on the lone couch with his take-out of Chinese food. He had to say he was happy that Howie and AJ were his source of entertainment for the evening. Kevin had retired to bed and Nick was in search of Corinne. Now he just wanted to wait until Grace got back to the hotel, safe and sound. Kitra still worried him.

"Thank you for reminding me," Howie groaned softly, throwing a small pillow at Brian's head. He yelped and nearly spilled all of his dinner, but Howie paid no attention as he turned to AJ. "This is a serious question."

"Then ask it, D."

Howie swallowed hard against the lump growing in his throat, unable to conjure the correct words. He was so fearful that what he heard wasn’t real. That she really didn't love him and what Corinne had done to him tarnished her thoughts of him. Glancing down at his clasped hands, he closed his eyes and prayed hard. "Did you hear Gracie say anything when we went to perform More Than That?"

"I didn't," AJ shook his head while Brian sat up and immediately placed his food carton on the coffee table.

"She said I love you, didn't she?"

Howie blanked hard, just staring at Brian with trepidation. "...I don't know... I mean..."

"She said she loved you."

"Did you hear her?"

"No--"

"Then how do you know she said it?"

Brian grinned as AJ took over his carton of food, obviously having already emptied his own. "Because she told me she loved you yesterday..."

"She told you that..." Howie thought for a moment and his eyes went wide. "That's what you couldn't tell me!"

"She made me promise and I couldn't betray her trust."

"You--"

"D, look at it this way. Gracie-Cheeks says she loves you! Be happy about it!" AJ interrupted with a mouthful of food.

"But--"

"Besides, you can finally get a good lay. Kitty says that Gracie-Cheeks has been horny as Hell. So horny she joked about slipping into Nick's bus for a quick lay--"

"What?!"

"AJ! Not helping!" Brian leaned over and stole his food back from AJ.

"What'd I say?" AJ frowned, leaning to snatch some fortune cookies.

"Nick's hotel room? Not the best choice of words--"

"Gracie-Cheeks loves Howie, it doesn't matter."

"And you know the shit that Corinne is spreading," Brian murmured, causing Howie's frown to deepen.

"And Gracie-Cheeks doesn't want anything to do with Nick. She just wants Howie, badly. And she already promised not to go anywhere alone with Nick--"

"Which won't stop Corinne from trying to form some plan with the horny little asshole--"

"Guys! Not helping me, I worry about that enough without you two talking about it!"

"Okay, let's go back to my original statement, Gracie is horny as Hell for you," AJ repeated, glaring slightly at Brian.

"And why is my sex life or Gracie's any business of yours?" Howie rubbed his temples.

"Kitra passed along the information and you can't deny that you aren't excited. How long have you been aching to fu--ah--make love with Gracie-Cheeks?"

"Nice save," Brian muttered under his breath.

"A long time," Howie admitted, ignoring AJ's correction and Brian's comment as the two men continued to glare at each other. "But I still don't know if she believes in making love... she still thinks its sex."

"Howie..." Brian trailed with a heavy sigh, watching AJ stand to root through the fridge for any other leftovers. "She loves you and she only wants to be with you. She told me how badly she wants you, but it's not lust. She just wants you to make her feel beautiful. To make her feel loved. She told me that much..."

"I've been trying to do that and then she gets scared--"

"With her past that we know so little about, do you blame her for being scared? She's never felt the feelings she does for you and she doesn't know how to handle it," Brian continued as AJ flopped back down with a couple slices of cold pizza. "You just have to show her that you feel the same way."

"And how does he do that?" AJ voiced.

"The classic Latin Lover can figure that much out on his own. He's notorious for romance and since he feels so much for Gracie-Babe, it'll only mean even more," Brian defended. "We have a free weekend coming up..."

"And what is he going to do?"

"Will you have a little more faith in Howie? The man knows what he's doing--"

"But what if--"

"Could you two please--"

"Don't even say it! He takes farther steps than you--"

"Shut up--"

"Fellas--"

"Then don't doubt him!"

"I'm being realistic!"

"Fellas--"

"You're being negative!"

"I am not--"

"FELLAS!"

"WHAT?!"

"No thanks to either of you, but I have an idea."

Brian and AJ immediately exchanged glares, to say they normally butted heads would be an understatement. Only, neither made a comment toward one another, turning their gazes toward Howie. Brian was first to speak and AJ seemed to expect that much. "Yeah?"

"Remember that cabin I bought a couple of years ago that you all made fun of?"

"It doesn't make sense to have a cabin in Kentucky when you're not from there--"

"AJ, shut up."

"Make me--"

"Do you want to hear it or not?"

"Yes..."

"Grace was raised in the Kentucky mountains. She talks about this lake near her house and how much she loved it... She misses Kentucky so much and I never really told her about the cabin, I didn't want to look retarded or conceited or... Whatever could be conjured in her imagination. But I promised her that I'd take her back to Kentucky one day. A night in the mountains..."

"It's January, it'd be cold as Hell up there," AJ announced with a shiver.

"And Howie has a hot tub outside amongst the snow," Brian laughed.

"You're getting my drift here? Do you think Gracie will like it? You know, candles... cherries... Pepsi... light music while we sit outside in the hot tub under the stars?"

"Howie's getting lucky," AJ sang.

"It's not getting lucky--"

"It's making love, I know, I know. But you're still getting lucky."

"AJ..."

"Besides, you might have to start by getting lucky and having sex..." AJ trailed slightly with a shrug of his lean shoulders. "If you're afraid about her not knowing or believing in making love... Just start by having sex, though it'll be making love to you, and she'll realize by the end..."

"I don't want it like that," Howie looked down at his hands, now starting to doubt his plan.

"She loves you, Howie. She'll believe in making love," Brian tried to reassure him.

"You just have to show her," AJ concluded, glancing toward Brian for a moment. Not to say anything foul about the older man, but he wanted to speak to Howie privately. Chewing on his bottom lip for a moment, he finally flung his wallet at Brian. "Go get us some snacks from the vending machine!"

"What am I, your slave?" Brian huffed in annoyance.

"You can get those cheesy poof things you like so much and whatever else--"

"I'm spending all your bills," Brian grumbled with a threat, standing up and moving to the door.

"It's not like they're on short supply--" AJ was interrupted by the slamming of the door. "That was worth all my money on snacks."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Howie questioned in confusion.

"I wanted to tell you something... without Brian here."

"Tell me what?"

"About this whole cabin with Gracie-Cheeks thing."

"AJ--"

"I think it's a good idea," AJ admitted, overpowering Howie's soft chide. "Gracie-Cheeks is a beautiful woman and completely adorable. She deserves someone like you to love her. Kit's told me some stuff and it's just really ugly. She needs someone like you in her life... But when you go to the cabin... Don't be afraid of her, because of Corinne, y'know?"

"Oh... yeah... I'm trying so hard to forget it... but then I get scared I won't be able to please her. Corinne always told me that I wasn't enough and that's why she goes to Nick..."

"But you're better than Nick, man. You care not only about your own pleasure, but the woman's as well. Corinne was feeding you bullshit."

"But--"

"Gracie-Cheeks loves you, Howie," AJ quickly interrupted again, refusing to let Howie think otherwise. He hated the way that Corinne manipulated Howie, even when they weren't together. It was sickening and AJ seriously thought about finding a hit-man to take the witch out. "You don't have to be scared about pleasing her. She told Kitty about when she was baking cookies and you licked the chocolate off her finger that her knees actually buckled when you walked out. You have such a wonderful affect on her and I bet you'll be a powerful lover, too."

"Do... do you really think so?" Howie asked, his nature turning timid the more Corinne was brought up. It killed AJ to see him like that.

"I know so. I have faith in you, bro. We'll be hearing Gracie-Cheek's yelling your name all the way in Florida."

"AJ..."

"I'm serious, Howie. I have faith in you. Have some faith in yourself."

"I just love her so much..."

"And she loves you. Now you have to show it to each other."

*~*~*

"I'm so damn stuffed," Kitra groaned while grasping her stomach, falling back onto the hotel bed that AJ was occupying. She had just returned from her late evening with Grace and was honestly exhausted. They had devoured several slices of pizza each, eagerly enjoying one another's company. It had been so long since Grace had been so happy and it did Kitra's heart considerable wonders to see her like that. She seemed so different compared to that bloody seventeen year old she found so many years ago. And, she owed the significant change to Howie and his love. Not to mention she owed him her full belly.

"Want stuffed with something else?" AJ teased with a growl, crawling over her to nuzzle her neck.

"Oh, give me a minute," Kitra giggled as she ran a hand through his locks. As much as she loved being with Grace, there were times when she needed the company of a man. AJ.

"Need to burp?" he suggested with snort of laughter, playfully pretending to execute the Heimlich on her thin abdomen.

"Oh a burp would be--" her sentence was halted by a belch that caused him to fall back on the bed.

"Holy shit..." AJ trailed in wonder as he stared up at the ceiling. "...Are you a fan of garlic?"

"I love it," Kitra grinned, rubbing her settling stomach. "That felt so good."

"Glad to hear that."

"How was the male-bonding?"

"Far too feminine for my whiles," AJ laughed as she found her way to his hips. He enjoyed the way she settled against him, straddling him as she pressed her hands against his bare chest for stability. Reaching up, he tugged on a pale strand of blonde hair, causing her to bend down for a surprisingly sweet kiss. "Howie is sweeping Gracie-Cheeks away for a romantic weekend."

"Are you serious?!" Kitra shrieked, clapping a hand over her mouth as their kiss broke.

"Dead serious," AJ laughed, loving the way she got excited for Grace's love life. It was adorable to say the least as he settled his hands against her hips, his nimble fingers finding a way to the button fly of her jeans. He always wanted her body, almost as much as he wanted her soul. "He said he overheard her say that she loved him when we were getting ready for More Than That and we convinced him to take the next step."

"That's great! It'll prove to Racie that he really loves her. She felt so embarrassed when I told her what she said," Kitra smiled as she felt his hands along her jeans. The sex was always incredible with AJ.

"He's terrified that she won't enjoy him or think he's a real man, because of Corinne."

"He makes her knees buckle with the smallest touch... we'll be hearing Racie scream his name all the way in Florida."

"That's what I said!"

"I suppose we think alike," Kitra laughed at his excitement, feeling the buttons finally being freed as her jeans were slide down to reveal her black thong underwear, which he loved to play with. He always slipped his fingers into the thin fabric, running his fingers along the string against her hips.

"I think so."

"What are you thinking now?" she leaned down, their lips inches apart as she felt his fingers delicately touching her skin along with the fabric.

"About love," AJ answered simply, sliding the strings down further on her hips before allowing his hands to wander upward, bunching her, bunching her tube top in attempts to slowly remove it. To torture her with pleasure.

"L-Love? What about love?"

"What you think about love."

"Me? And love? It doesn't mix very well..."

"Why?"

"Always got burned by the flames. There's only so many times when you can hear a john say the same thing while he's fucking you in the cramped backseat of a car that you start to believe otherwise."

"Why would you try to find love inside a john? Life isn't like Pretty Woman, Kitty."

"Back then I was wishing it was..."

"Yeah... So, you're just not interested in love anymore?"

"It's not that. I just don't know if it's for me, I guess."

"Oh..."

"Alex? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine..."

"No, you're not. Was it something I said?" Kitra cupped his cheeks and looked into his deep brown eyes.

"No, I promise, it was nothing you said, I just can't get these damn jeans off you. Talk about hugging in all the right places," AJ lied with a forced smile, flopping her back onto the bed.

"You're the one who bought me these jeans," Kitra giggled, her worries flying out the window.

"I know, even though I enjoy you naked better," AJ grunted somewhat, focusing her body as he yanked away the jeans. He tossed them sharply toward the wall, leaning down to capture her lips in a bruising kiss before peeling away her tube top, covering her almost bare body with his, nipping, licking, and kissing where he felt compelled to do so. Drowning himself in sex seemed better than drowning himself in drugs.

"I feel the same way about you," Kitra moaned softly, her hands trailing down his back until she reached his belt buckle.

"I know," he answered, ripping what would have probably been her fifth pair of expensive thongs as he tightly grasped her hips against him. He wanted to lose himself within the erotic nature of their wild sex, not wanting to remember that he was envious of Howie and longed to just once make love.

*~*~*

"Well, it's official, I have a pot belly," Grace declared with a sweet flourish as she lifted her baggy t-shirt to examine her flat abdomen as Howie watched her from the bed. Though, when it looked as if she hadn't gained a pound she attempted to stick out her stomach, though it only seemed to cause her cheeks to puff with air. It was easy to say that she was adorable and horribly full after returning to the hotel with Kitra. They had spent the night agonizing over what Grace had said to Howie during the concert. Kitra kept pushing for Grace to say it again, but Grace decided to act as if she hadn't said a thing and Howie hadn't heard a thing. It was easier, lighter, happier...

"You'd have to eat like you did every night for years in order to get a pot belly," Howie chuckled, shaking his head as she walked towards the bed. He was glad Grace had such a good time with Kitra, but three words were stuck in his mind. Words he thought he would have said first. Now he wished how to confront it without scaring her.

"Or, perhaps, pregnant," she decided, rolling the baggy boxers on her hips until they satisfied her.

"That's true, too," Howie nodded, smiling at the image of her carrying his child.

"But, that means I actually have to have sex," she teased, flopping onto her side of the bed, stretching sweetly with a soft yawn.

"Or making love," Howie corrected, turning on his side to watch her.

"Or making love..." she repeated, though her voice trailed off into a slightly wistful notion. Allowing her eyes to drift closed, she clasped her hands over her exposed abdomen and took a deep breath. She couldn't really turn to face him, trying to ignore her thoughts about what she had said just hours before hand.

"Speaking of love... Gracie... I heard what you said..."

Grace's breath caught in her throat with Howie's last statement, squeezing her eyes shut with sheer mortification. She had hoped and prayed that he hadn't heard her. It was just a moment of confusion; a moment where she had blurted without weighing the consequences. It wasn't fair, especially for him to hear. And, naturally, her hands drifted away from her abdomen and over her face, wishing she could sink into the mattress and disappear.

Howie took her silence as horror and began to panic. "Please, please, please don't tell me you didn't mean it because I love you too--"

Grace gasped softly as Howie straddled her body, moving to pull her hands away from her face. She seemed to pale considerably at his burst of adrenaline, causing her own streak of panicky nature. "Stranger--"

"I love you. I will always love you. I've just haven't said it because I didn't want to scare you. But now that you said it tonight... I knew I had to tell you."

"Howie... It's--"

"No. I love you. You love me. Sure, it can be scary but so many great things come out of love. Marriage. Babies. True happiness. Never having to be alone again."

Grace stared up at Howie with true disbelief, not knowing what to say. The passion coursing through his words caused her heart to physically ache. Tears naturally gathered across her beautiful emerald eyes. Since she was a little girl, she had dreamed of finding her prince, but an ugly toad had blocked her path and led her into the darkness. It was hard to say what she felt, always fighting against it. To let go seemed like such a sharp burden as she attempted to break away from him. "It was an accident, Stranger--"

"No! It wasn't an accident. You keep telling yourself it is because you don't want to get hurt. But you should know that I would never hurt you. I would rather die than hurt you," Howie cupped her face and made her eyes lock with his. He had been holding this in for too long.

Grace blinked against the heavy tears forming within her burning eyes. She was honestly terrified, because once she stepped into this, there was no turning back. "H-Howie, please--"

"Gracie, don't deny those feelings I know you have for me because I have them for you."

"Don't d-do this to me."

"Gracie, please."

Grace bit down hard on her bottom lip. "Howie, I don't want to hurt you--"

"You're not going to hurt me because I know we love each other."

"H-Howie...”

"Gracie... Baby, please. Don't pretend it's not love. I know it's love."

"How could you possibly know?"

"I know with my heart, body and soul."

Grace blinked hard as she softened beneath Howie's body. She rubbed her eyes to clear away the tears, finally noticing the tears starting to fall from Howie's chocolate eyes. Sighing shakily, she reached to brush away his remaining tears. "How?"

"When I see you, my heart flutters. When you touch me, my body is on fire. When I look into your eyes... I can see our souls intertwined," Howie spoke truthfully, taking her hands into his.

"Oh, Stranger..."

"Gracie, I'm telling you the absolute truth."

"I know," she promised, folding their hands against her heart.

"I love you."

Grace moistened her bottom lip with a wave of true apprehension. Her heart was pounding heavily against her ribcage as she found herself falling into Howie's soulfully dark eyes. "Howie, I... I love you, too..."

"Gracie... I love you so much," Howie breathed softly, bending down to kiss her deeply.

"Howie," she whispered faintly against his lips, allowing their hands to break so she could wrap hers around his neck. She could hardly describe the feelings overwhelming her heart, body, and soul as she accepted the sweetness of her kiss. She felt as if she were engulfed in the sweetest flames of desire. And, for the first time in her life, she felt utterly complete. "God... Howie..."

"Our love is going to last forever and beyond. My Gracie... My Gracie..." he quickly brought his body down to cover hers as they continued to kiss.

"I love you so much," she promised softly as their kisses broke so he could trail private kisses along her jaw. When his lips found her neck, she arched against him in natural surprise. "More than anyone in the world... You are so special to me... Even though I never said it..."

"You said it now. That's what matters to me. I'm going to make you the happiest woman alive. The most loved woman alive. I will give you everything and anything," he whispered into her ear before nibbling on it.

"I just want you," she giggled.

"Then that's what you're going to get," he smiled, kissing her ear and slowly making it back to her soft lips. They kissed until neither could breathe and as soon as they caught their breaths, they kissed again.