"I'm going to be delayed. There's a little issue that came up."
"A little issue? Everything okay?"
It seriously depended on what Lauren's definition of 'okay' was. I studied the potted plant that was sitting on a glass table in my hotel room.
I didn't know how to answer. I knew the right thing to do was just to tell her the whole story. My 'right thing' meter was broken.
"It's fine. I just have a little more business to tackle. Then I'll be home."
Home was, believe it or not, currently Tennessee. I was working my ass off to finish my solo album, record new material for BSB, and get ready for the whole NKOTBSB tour thing.
I was working harder than I ever had before. I knew in the end I would reap the reward.
"Okay, but we're still going to L.A. for Halloween, right?"
I smiled. I fuckin' loved Halloween. It was like Christmas for me.
"Absolutely. Love ya, Kitty."
"Love you too, Nick," she said with an airy laugh.
I hung up and tossed my phone on the bed. I continued my pacing.
Jacob. Jake. Did he have my last name?
I sank down in a corner chair and leaned forward. Children were so not in my equation on life. That's why Lauren was so perfect for me. She wasn't one of those girls that expected the ring, the dress, the 3.5 kids...
We were just Nick and Lauren. That was enough. We didn't have any major responsibilities outside of our careers. That was the key to our success. I had never dated someone as long as I had dated Lauren.
What the hell was she going to do once she found out I had a kid?
I couldn't get the little guy or Shay out of my mind. My moral code was keeping me from flying out of Chicago without tracking them down. I propelled myself out of the chair and towards the bed.
I needed to make a few phone calls. If there was one major plus to fame, it was the connections.
"Do you want scrambled eggs or cereal?" I asked. I gave the air a tentative sniff. My nasal Niagara Falls was finally drying up.
"Cee-e-al!" Jacob announced. He picked up his spoon and banged it on the table.
"What's the magic word?" I asked.
"Cap'n Crunch!" he squealed. I bit the inside of my cheek.
"Jacob, what do we say?"
He held his spoon aloft. "PEAS!"
I nodded. "Very good." The cereal pieces made a loud clatter in the empty bowl. I poured in enough milk to coat the flakes, but not enough to cause a tidal wave on my kitchen table, and set the bowl down in front of him.
I was feeling better, but not great. I figured one more day around the house was enough to prepare me to go back to work. Jake loved the on-site daycare. It was going to have to do unti my babysitter got back.
"Jake, I'm going to go take a shower," I said. "You don't leave this kitchen table, okay?"
He held onto his spoon with his entire fist. He had his mouth full, but he nodded. I checked that the security chain was fastened and the deadbolt was on before I went into the bathroom.
I was terrified of something happening to Jake. Call it over-protectiveness, but I knew first-hand that the world was cruel. Things could change in just seconds. I couldn't lose my one reason for living.
I tore off my old sweats that I had worn for the past day and a half and stepped under the shower spray. I had almost forgotten how good the cascading water felt. I closed my eyes and pretended I was on a tropical island somewhere instead of windy Chi-town. Jake could build sandcastles by the water while I lounged with a frozen margarita in hand and...
"Mommy the door is knock-ering!"
My eyes flew open. I turned off the spray and grabbed a towel.
"Just a minute sweetie! Don't try to open the door!"
I tried to multi-task. I swiped at my body to soak up the water and grabbed my shirt. I flung it over my head and wrapped the towel around my waist. There was no way I was putting 36-hour old underwear back on. I opened the door and walked quickly towards the front door.
Someone was still 'knocker-ing.' I pressed my eye to the peephole. I gasped.
"Shay?" a muffled voice called out.
"The door knows your name!" Jacob said in amazement.
The door didn't know my name, but Nick Carter did. I looked down.
"Just a---just a minute!" I called out.
I turned and ran back to my bedroom.
It felt like I had been in the hall forever. The apartment complex itself was fairly decent, but three of Shay's neighbors had already passed me and given me a look.
"Hey door! How do you know mommy's name?"
Two little fingers shoved their way underneath the door. The fact that the little guy thought the door was talking was without a doubt, as the guys would say, a 'Nick-ism.'
"I'm not the door," I called out. "I gave you a donut yesterday," I said. It was a lame description, but I figured it was better than saying 'I'm your dad. I fucked the shit out of your mom four years ago, killed a million brain cells doing Coke, called your mom a fatass, and totally didn't know you existed.'
It was the truth, but it was a damn harsh truth.
"Did you bring me another dooo-nut?" Jake squealed.
Cripes. I had screwed up again. What kind of guy mentions a donut to a kid without having one in hand just in case?
It was perfect proof why I shouldn't be a dad. I--
The door swung open. Jake's blonde head peeked between Shay's legs. She was wearing a long purple turtleneck tunic and gray leggings. Jake pulled at the spandex material and smiled as it slapped back against her leg.
"No doo-nut!" he complained.
"Jake, you just had breakfast," Shay said patiently. She twirled around and scooped him up. When she turned around she had her game face on.
"What do you want?"
Nick stood there with a 'deer in the headlights' look on his face. He took one step in, then another. When he was sufficiently inside the apartment, I swung the door closed.
"I needed to talk to you," he finally said.
I knew that was the reason he was here. Jake's arms wrapped around my neck.
"Just a minute. I--need to--" I started to say.
Nick nodded. His tall, muscular frame cleared the space from the hall to the living room in no time. He sank down on the couch. Jake's foot connected with the softness of my stomach. He wiggled in my arms.
I knew I was going to regret the next thing I said, but it was my only surefire way to keep Jake distracted while Nick and I talked.
"Wanna fingerpaint, buddy?"
Jake's eyes lit up. "YEAH!"
Five minutes later Jake was in his room, slapping across the floor on plastic tablecloths with dishes full of fingerpaint and large pieces of white paper. I prayed that nothing got on the carpet; I knew it was a prayer that wouldn't be answered. I could have ScotchGuarded the entire house and he would have found the one spot I had missed. Even so, I left Jake's bedroom door opened just a crack and made my way into the living room. Nick was still there. I had foolishly hoped he might have chickened out. I sat down in the rocking chair mom had given me at my baby shower. I couldn't even begin to count the number of hours I had spent in the chair rocking Jake as he mercilessly cried. I looked over at Nick.
"First off," he began. "I'm sorry."
I snorted. His words sounded sincere but...
"What part are you sorry for? Are you sorry for sleeping with me?" I asked quietly. Nick opened his mouth, but I didn't give him a chance to defend himself. "Are you sorry you called me a fatass?" He winced. "Are you sorry that you're such a manwhore that you go around giving women chlamydia?"
I had him at that one. He leaned back like I had punched him.
I blinked back stupid, fooish tears. Just the sight of him was bringing all the memories back.
At that exact moment, I hated Nick Carter.
