"Wait, your hair--"
I stopped as Kev pulled my hair out of my shirt. I turned around and gave him a kiss. His eyes sparkled.
"That was--"
"I know," I laughed. Kev took my hand and I opened the bathroom door slowly. My tongue felt raw; I had spent half of my time on my back with a loofa clamped between my teeth to keep from crying out in ecstasy.
The first thing I noticed as we stepped out into the hall was just how quiet it was. That instantly made me nervous.
"Jake?" I called out.
There was no answer.
"JAKE?"
"Mason?" Kevin called.
I ran into Jake's bedroom. It was empty.
"Oh my god," I whimpered.
"Calm down. They left evidence," Kev said. He pointed down. Purple and green footprints made a trail from the bedroom to the living room. They led to the front door - the front door that was hanging wide open.
"JAKE!" I screamed.
Kev brushed past me. We ran out into the hall. The hall was empty. I lost it.
"How could I have been so stupid?" I screeched. "What responsible mother leaves two little boys alone to have sex in the bathroom?!"
"Shay..."
"NO!" I smacked at Kev's arm. As muscular as it was, I was sure it didn't hurt. After I was done pummeling him, I pulled out my phone. Kev walked away, but I didn't pay attention where he was going. I didn't care. I just wanted my baby.
"9-1-1. What is the nature of your emergency?"
"My baby!" I screamed. "He's gone and I can't find him anywhere. And--"
"How old is your child?"
"Three," I said in a panic. "and a half."
"Sex?"
I groaned. "Yes. I'm so stupid."
"Excuse me?"
It took me a moment to realize she meant gender.
"Male. Jake," I said thickly. "His friend Mason is gone too. They're both--"
"Mommy?"
I slammed my phone shut. Jake was standing right by the door leading to the stairwell. His face was covered with paint; he looked like a rainbow. Kevin was holding Mason. I burst into tears. Jake ran to me.
"We were playing leprechaun! We was just playin'!" he said.
The first thing I did was squeeze him within an inch of his life. He squeaked. Then I gave his butt one quick smack.
"JACOB MATTHEW don't you EVER do that again, you hear me?" I sobbed. He held onto his butt cheeks and began to wail.
"I'm so-howwy!" he bawled. "I'm so-howwy!"
I felt a million times worse than before. I had never spanked him before in my life. I scooped him up and rocked him back and forth.
"I think Mason and I should go," Kev said softly.
I nodded. I couldn't think straight.
"I leave for L.A. in a couple days. I'll give you a call. I want to see you before I go."
"Okay," I said in a small voice. Jake's tears were soaking into my shirt. Kev headed towards the elevator; I headed back into the apartment.
"I thought I lost you," I whispered as I sank down on the couch still holding my little boy. Jake looked at me, his face streaked with hot tears.
"I'm not gonna weave for reals ever," he promised. I kissed his cheeks and thought how nice that would be...
If only it were true. If only he could stay three (and a half) forever.
"What about this?"
"That's gigantic."
I flashed Lauren a smile. "That's what you girls all say."
"Shut up!" She chucked a small stuffed frog my way. I blocked it with the giant polar bear I was holding.
"Don't you think he'd like it? It could be like a portable bed."
Lauren looked amused. "I think it's cute. What about some cars and trucks?"
An hour later, it looked like I was supplying toys for half of the children in the world's underprived nations. I had even found the mecca of a present - a toddler-size drum set. I could just picture myself having a jam session with Jake. I could barely see Lauren as she pulled the front of the cart. I leaned on the handle and let her do most of the pushing.
"Think we went overboard?" I asked.
"Awwww..."
I stopped. I stretched out over the panda to see what was so 'aww'-rific,
Lauren was holding up tiny little baby sneakrers.
"Those won't fit him," I said. "Jake's got Sasquatch feet."
"I know," Lauren said. She turned them around in her hands. "They're just...so little."
I knew that tone. I didn't kn ow it personally, but I had spent enough time around Littrells and Doroughs to know what the little smile on Lauren's face meant.
"Do you wanna get another puppy?" I asked hopefully. Lauren looked at me incredulously.
"No."
I stepped up on the bottom rack of the cart and swung the whole thing forward like a skateboard.
"You're not gonna replace your birth control with tic-tacs are you?" I asked cautiously.
Lauren put the shoes down quickly. "What? No!"
"Cause if I smell minty breath..."
She rolled her eyes. "I can think little things are cute, can't I?"
Before I could say anything, she put her hand over my mouth. "I already know what you're gonna say."
She lowered her hand. "How do you know what I was gonna say?" I asked.
"It was either going to be something about that," she pointed to my crotch. "Or this."
She made a rocking motion with her arms. Lord help me, but she looked sweet doing it. I looked back over at all the baby stuff.
"First comes love," I reminded her.
"Then comes marriage," she agreed. We both looked at her ring. She walked around behind me and pressed herself against my back. The cart creaked forward.
Neither of us said it, but you couldn't sing-song that stupid rhyme without finishing it.
Then comes Nick and Lauren with a BABY carriage.
