The day that this show would get Shay to look like Paris Hilton was the day that I would join N'Sync. I don't mean that in a bad way necessarily. Shay was a curvy, er, fluffy girl. There was no way she'd be able to look like Paris.
Of course, I didn't even want to think about Paris. I had almost bashed Aaron's head in for mentioning her.
I considered her 'dark history.'
After Shay stepped off the scale, she quickly put the cover up back on. She folded her arms across her chest and got back in line.
I tuned out the rest of the weigh-in. Finally, Richard stepped back up, screeched some words of 'encouragement,' and told us to have a good night. He jumped back on the bus. The cameras stopped rolling.
I had no doubt the show was putting Simmons up in a five-star hotel while the rest of us were bait for Freddy Krueger or Jason to show up.
"I'm exhausted," Bruce said.
The eight of us turned back towards our respected 'houses.' I ended up in step with Shay.
"We survived day one," I said. She snorted.
"There's forty one more days to go," she pointed out.
"How bad can it be?" I asked. Her brown eyes sparkled in amusement.
"Those are famous last words," she said.
"I thought you were going to strangle the twerp with your swim thing," I said. I reached out and tugged at the material.
"I still don't think it's fair that you guys get t-shirts," she said. She tugged on my shirt.
There was a time when I had no problem ripping my t-shirt off. It came with the narcissistic pleasure of watching girls cream themselves over that simple move.
The last couple years had been a different story. After a picture of me shirtless in the water landed in the Enquirer with a headline that said something about a whale, I didn't feel so appealing anymore. I mean, it didn't stop me from getting tail when I wanted it, but it did make me less tempted to play the public stripping game.
"You heard what they said about plumber's cracks," I said. Shay snorted.
"I don't see the difference between a crack or boobs spilling out," she said. I smiled.
"I do. Boobs are much nicer to look at. I mean, you have a nice set."
She stopped. I stopped. We must have been walking like turtles because everyone had already gone in.
"What did you say?" she said.
I was sure I had a deer-in-the-headlights look on my face.
Sometimes my mouth didn't know when to quit.
This was one of those times.
"I mean, you have a nice set."
I stopped. He stopped. Had he said what I thought he had said? Had he been checking me out?
"What did you say?" I asked.
His eyes widened. He had really pretty eyes. At the moment they looked sleepy and drained, but they were still nice to look at.
"Er, I don't remember," he said lamely.
"You said I have a nice set," I said. He held up his hands.
"I'm a boob guy. Don't hurt me."
The feminist in me wanted to launch into another speech about sexism. The female in me just wanted to take it as a compliment. I smiled.
"Good night, Nick," I said lightly. I left him standing there with his hands held aloft.
I'd let him interpret that smile for whatever it was. I pulled open the creeky camp house door and went inside.
I had never had to share a bedroom with anyone before in my life. Even at college I had my own private dorm. This was a whole different world. I looked around and observed my three bunkmates.
Victoria and the judge were already in their bunks talking quietly to one another. I glanced over at my bunk.
Darra was wearing a blue nightie with frilly underwear. She had a toothbrush sticking out of the corner of her mouth.
"Fhair foo been fat?" she said.
"What?" I asked.
She gave several hard brushes, walked into the teeny bathroom and spit.
"Where you been at?" she called out.
"I just wanted some fresh air," I said. She came to the bathroom door and struck a pose.
"That fat white boy had eyes for you when you took off that moomoo," she said.
I looked at her in surprise. "What fat white boy?"
"That blondey. I think he's a chubby chaser."
I snorted. "You're delusional. He's dated models around the world."
Darra smiled and held up her hand. "Boy prolly didn't know what he was missing. Flava Flav sure didn't."
She walked over to the bunk, grabbed onto the ladder and hoisted herself up.
I stared at my bottom bunk in dismay. I began to sweat. There was no way in hell I could sleep in what amounted to a cave.
"You going to bed?" she asked.
"Naw, I'm a night owl," I lied.
"Well, we're all going to bed," Victoria said. I looked over at her.
"Let me get changed and I'll be out."
I heard a few impatient sighs from the judge as I stepped into the bathroom. I tore off my stupid 'Phat Camp' outfit and threw on a pair of shorts and an old Lakers t-shirt.
Victoria had her hand on the light switch as I walked out of the bathroom. I glanced back at the bunk. I made a fast decision. I grabbed my blankets and a pillow.
"I'm just going to go enjoy the stars," I said. I crossed the room hugging all my paraphernalia.
The light went off behind me the moment I stepped through the door.
There was silence. No Richard. No teammates.
Nothing.
I glanced around. There was dirt everywhere. I walked around the side of the camp house. Two old wooden reclining outdoor chairs were pressed against the wall. I dragged one of them out a little ways. I put down one blanket. I tossed my pillow up towards the head and settled down in the chair. It creaked in protest and for one horrifying minute I worried the thing was going to disintegrate under me. But it didn't. It wasn't the most comfortable thing in the world, but at least I didn't feel confined.
I was surrounded by the whole wide world. The stars were shining like little nightlights. I shook out my second blanket and tossed it over me.
As long as I didn't get attacked by bears, snakes, or any other critter, my sleeping situation was going to be just fine.
