“Stay friends? How cliché did I sound at that exact moment? This isn’t some stupid family TV show, Anael. This is a matter of Heaven, Hell, and Alex’s eternal soul! I just shattered all of my hard work because I put myself in a venerable place. I shouldn’t have even asked him into the park! We were too close for comfort, weren’t we? I probably gave off the wrong vibe, didn’t I? … If he falls from grace twice, it will be all my fault…”
Anael continued to worry about Alex’s deciding fate, pacing within the confines of her lavish room. Gripped tightly within her aching hands was her faded Bible, what she always turned to when she needed hope. Yet, tonight she found no comfort as occasional crashes could be heard from AJ’s room. None of the others were around to commandeer the situation, leaving Anael in a fairly awkward and almost lethal position.
“What was I thinking?” Anael murmured to herself, her heavy strides halting once she reached the large bay window overlooking the raging ocean waves. She watched the rain that she once thought to be so romantic continue to fall gently against her large bay window. It served only as a bitter reminder of the horrible ending to what was supposed to be such a sweet moment. She hugged the Bible close to her chest, just staring listlessly out the window, finally allowing her mind to wander freely.
Naturally, her soul floated amongst the raw pain, but finally settled on AJ’s handsome face. She could only recall what she found so dear about the man that held such a special place in God’s Hand. She adored the way his sweet cinnamon eyes always twinkled with mischief, yet offered such a smoldering quality of sensual natures. The way his lean, muscular body relaxed under even the most stressful situations. The funny rasp that always hinted around his words, almost purring into Anael’s soul. The sleek pout of his always moist lips, just taunting Anael to take a leap off the dangerous cliff of the unknown.
Anael took a sharp breath of realization; she didn’t know if she could deny her feelings any longer. The little looks passed between them on the moments of silence, the bits of electricity flowing whenever he touched her, or the endless longing for his warmth while she lay curled in the massive bed. She had grown so close to AJ during the past weeks, almost too close. He held a true quality that she had always searched for in her short amount of time on Earth. Always had she prayed for God to send her a man of virtue and one who could love her unconditionally. Yet, it seemed so bittersweet that she should meet him on a Guardian Angel Mission. And, as dangerous as it was, she still yearned that kiss more so than AJ would ever understand.
Though no matter her feelings, she couldn’t change the past. Anael could not tempt her mind with such silly notions, knowing the reality that lay behind them. She truly believed she had crushed the remaining tiny pieces of AJ’s faithful heart. She could only recall the pitiful look within his eyes as the rain washed down upon their numb bodies, salting the already deep emotional wound. It was as if he had given up any small shred of hope she had initially sparked within that very moment of existence.
Anael gazed out of the large bay window into the dark gray skies ripping open with rain. She sighed regretfully, believing the heavy rains were God’s painful tears for AJ’s lost soul.
“That had been perfect! If there was any other time in the world where love existed – that was the moment. And, damn, what did she say? Stay friends? … Stay friends? That is like the worst rejection guys could ever possibly get in their measly existence! Never in my life have I gotten a stupid ‘let’s stay friends!’ That’s like code for never in a million years, asshole! Damnit, I was such a freaking idiot,” AJ groaned, pacing aimlessly around the length of his hotel room. He had sought refuge within his room the instant those hideous words had left Anael’s sweet pink lips. He was unable to speak a single word in retrospect of her words to anyone. How could he possibly phrase the pain? Instead, he locked himself within the confines of his dreary room, trying to stabilize his bleeding soul for he felt so useless at that point, unable to stop thinking about her.
Everything that he had hoped for and dreamed about – crushed in a moment’s passing.
Why?
Because Anael refused a kiss that he had given with his entire wounded heart.
“Why didn’t she just say what she really thought? Huh? Alex, you are the most repulsive man on the Earth. Not only are your intentions improper, but truth be told, I could never love you…” AJ’s words dropped softly with hurt, feeling the pieces had finally come together. He swallowed the bile foaming at the back of his throat. “That’s it… She could never love me…”
His depression quickly mixed with a side of rage, glancing down at the small prized gift Anael had left. It was her favorite Bible, faded with years of loving use, and highlighted with her favorite passages. He had yet to pour over its contents, actually waiting for a moment where he could invite Anael to sit down with him. Slowly she had brought him back to the right hand of God, proving that he was worth his weight in priceless gems. He longed to watch her lovely sapphire eyes dance as she talked about the Lord with him, just as they had flickered with appreciation and adoration in Brian’s Bible study. Now, it just seemed like the black wall holding him back from Anael’s love. God, once again, was betraying him in the darkest of ways.
So, he turned on God, again.
“What good are You, huh?! You’re the whole reason Grace-Anne wouldn’t have a thing to do with me! Why? Because You don’t think I’m worthy! I’m like this ugly black speck in Your eyes and now in her eyes! Ever since the fucking beginning! First You take my father away! Now I can’t even have love? What kind of Loving Father are You? Huh? Do I not deserve love? Am I so disgusting that You won’t even let a decent girl take my heart! What do You have against me? Huh? Why do You hate me?!”
AJ hollered with a sheer frustration, sharply flinging the Bible against the mirror. There was a sharp crack as lightening streaked through the window, offering an eerie glow to his morbidly black soul. He watched his image shatter into tiny slivers, almost outlining the destruction of his life. The pieces that never seemed to fit back into his broke heart, like his father, his deceased grandmother, the feelings of inadequacy, the fear, the hate, and the awful pains.
“What’s the point? Every move I make, You’ll be there to crush me,” he muttered, making his final decision. He stepped around the length of the sharp glass, disappearing into the bathroom. He wanted something clean and simple. He tore apart the various bags in search of something special. With liberation, he withdrew the needed contents, falling back upon his bed. He stared up at the ceiling, listening to the shuffling just beyond his wall.
It was Anael. It always had been Anael. Her footsteps always crossed through his heart during the cold nights. He conjured a mental picture to take with him forever in his crumbling soul. Like, the sweet smell of her fragrant conditioner wafting through the gentle winds, intoxicating his soul with every breath. He cherished every smile that tweaked upon the supple curves of her soft pink lips. Her clothing always seemed to fit perfect against the subtle curves of her youthful figure and compliment the glow of her sun-kissed skin. Her laughter sounded like a choir of angels that could warm even the bitterest New England winter. Yet, he what he loved most was the way her light sapphire eyes twinkled with optimism and adoration for everyone that crossed her path.
Well, except for him.
AJ exhaled with remorse.
His mind was made up.
Guilt would no longer be his.
Pain would no longer exist.
He would forget Anael, forever.
Deny God’s hateful vengeance against him eternally.
AJ was in finally control.
So, with the feeling of relief, AJ downed several handfuls of potent prescription medications with a large bottle of tequila before laying down to drift into a deadly slumber.
