Grace held her breath as she walked down the large corridor toward the sound of rehearsals finishing for the day, wondering why she had even agreed to come in the first place. It wasn't as if she had professionally danced before. There was no way that she could possibly compete with the women that circled around Howie's career. She had only been a stripper because she had been blessed with a beautiful body, not because she had any sort of talent. And, she was only further convinced as she peered into the small window of the dance studio to see the finishing of the last dance. Her beautiful reflection mirror sadly within the clean glass, offering a painful back drop as the girls performed moves that Grace had only dreamed about. And the woman dancing with Howie positively ripped her heart out more so than she realized. It was a mistake. They were graceful and petite, beautiful without the need for cropped articles of clothing. Their sexual presence exuded beneath a classic professionalism that she could never achieve. She could never be one of them.
She felt her stomach curl into tight knots as she blinked away hot tears, knowing there was no possible way she could walk in there and expect to dazzle them. She had never been given a chance in her life and it seemed to hurt ten times worse that Howie had offered her this special gift that she knew she would fail miserably at. Dropping her chin, Grace immediately turned to disappear from sight before anyone caught wise, but crashed heavily into what felt like a brick wall that propelled her onto the floor with a sharp smack.
"Whoa, Grace! I'm sorry, are you okay?" Kevin immediately apologized, bending down to help her back up. "I didn't see you there."
"Nothing broken," Grace murmured, brushing off the back of her jeans.
"Thank God for that," Kevin attempted to laugh lightly, tucking back a few curls that had fallen into her pretty face. "Howie might have shot me."
"Yeah..." she murmured absentmindedly, attempting to side step him so she could leave.
"Where are you going? You haven't tried out yet, have you?"
"Didn't make the cut unfortunately," she lied, shrugging her shoulders as if it were nothing. She really didn't have to look disappointed, because the pain in her emerald eyes was already radiating outward. She couldn't stand to enter that room, knowing everyone's preconceived notions about her would just be proved right. Why had she even agreed to it in the first place? She should have known better.
"Excuse me?" Kevin craned his neck and saw rehearsal was still going on. He groaned softly in disappointment, looking back at Grace. "They're still working on the routine, Grace. You haven't tried out."
"Then you should really be in there learning your steps, huh?" she answered, twisting the words as she started to walk toward an exit. She figured she could make it back to Howie's house in time to scribble out a note of regret before traveling to George's house for a few days. Devil's Playground was begging for her to come back. At least she'd be in familiar territory then.
"Whoa, hold on! You promised Howie you would try out," Kevin gently grasped her arm and pulled her back before she could get too far.
"I am not going in there," she yelped, surprised at the strength behind Kevin's hold.
"Why not?"
"Because I don't stand a freaking chance--"
"How do you know?"
"Because I'm not like those girls in there!" Grace growled with exasperation, yanking her body away from Kevin's grasp. Her emerald eyes blazed with an annoyed disappointment, hating how life was always beating her down. "If I go in there, I'm going to make a complete ass out of myself. I lied when I said that your job and my job were no different. All I did was find creative ways to take my clothes off so that I could get a few extra bucks folded into my cleavage. I'm not elegant, graceful, and talented like those women. I've had no formal training. I'm just an idiot shaking my ass."
"Don't be so hard on yourself! Do you think every single girl has gone to Juilliard? No way, they're normal girls just like you who have a passion for dance. You're never going to know if you would have failed if you've never tried," Kevin replied, trying to encourage the young woman.
"I have no problem living with that," she stated earnestly, attempting to weave around him yet again.
"So you're never going to wonder what if? What if you had made the dance troupe and were able to dance without having to take off your clothes? Do you really want to go back to stripping?"
"If I have to--"
"You can do so much better, Grace. You could live your dream of dancing for the fun of it and make money the honest way that you crave for."
Grace's posture stiffened dramatically. "You don't know a thing about me."
"So you like making money stripping?"
"No--"
"Then why not try out?"
"Because..."
"Grace, I know we don't know each other very well. If at all. But I have faith in you. Howie, Kitra, AJ, Nick and Brian have faith in you, too."
Grace glanced back into the glass of the door, realizing the music had finished. Everyone was standing around in small huddles, talking briefly, laughing, and enjoying one another's company. It seemed like a tight knit family, something Grace never had. She bit down hard on her bottom lip as she watched Howie speaking to Brian with such great animation. Not once did his eyes pass over the dancers, more focused on his friends than them. She wondered how much it would hurt him if she just left. He didn't really deserve that, not after everything he had done for her. Slowly, she started to comply with the wishes, glancing back toward the tall man. "Did Howie have you wait in the bathroom to bum-rush me or something?"
"No, he didn't. I was coming here watch you try out with Howie."
"You guys are going to watch?" Grace groaned softly as the dancers finally started to filter out.
"We always watch--"
"Fucking figures," Grace muttered sarcastically, causing Kevin's thick eyebrows to shoot up with surprise that such words could explode from such a pretty little thing. She immediately blushed as a result, smiling apologetically. "Sorry..."
"It's alright... Does that mean you're going in there?"
Grace held her breath for the longest moment, just staring at the open doorway with the greatest apprehension. She felt Kevin's hand move to the small of her back to guide her in, but she quickly stopped him. She turned and caught his light hazel green eyes. "No... I mean, I'm going in there, but not with you. On my own... Thank you, though. For what it's worth."
"You're welcome. I'm glad you're giving yourself a chance. Good luck," Kevin smiled softly, giving her a one-armed hug before walking into the studio.
Grace waited several moments as Kevin disappeared inside, wringing her hands nervously together. She didn't know how to make the entrance, more or less what to expect when she actually made it inside. Hello, I’m Howie’s stripper friend who’s looking for a free handout… For a moment, she actually wished that she had taking up drinking with Kitra and AJ. Only, that plan seemed flawed as she gathered her nerves. Holding her breath, she stepped inside the dance studio. She made sure not to glance toward the boys whatsoever, just slowly walking to the ebony beauty and her female counterpart. "Ms. Fatima Robinson?"
"Yes. You must be Grace. It's so nice to meet you," Fatima offered her a warm and welcoming smile, shaking her hand. "Please, call me Fatima or Tima."
"Nice to meet you, too," Grace replied, trying to keep her voice steady.
"I've heard a lot about your dancing from AJ and Howie."
"What exactly did they tell you?" Grace questioned, though her voice squeaked at the end, causing Fatima to laugh softly. She blushed as the other woman eyed her critically, refusing to break even the smallest smile. Grace tightened her posture at the realization, deciding to focus on Fatima instead.
"They praised you a lot, but how'd you get into dancing?"
"I'm a stripper," Grace answered bluntly, deciding she couldn't hide the fact.
Fatima laughed as she cupped Grace's blushing cheeks. "Baby girl, it's called exotic dancing!"
"Does that negate the fact that I wiggled my ass out of clothing to get money?"
"I don't know, but if you've had no professional training besides exotic dancing and are as great as Howie keeps bragging about, then the rest of these girls are in a lot of trouble."
"I'm not that great--"
"Let me and the boys be the judge of that."
"But--"
"Are you ready to get started?"
"Can I warm up first?"
"Sweetheart, those are my favorite words!" Fatima practically cooed, pinching Grace's cheeks again. The men sitting off to the side attempted not to chuckle at the sight, knowing it'd embarrass Grace too much. But, it was obvious that Fatima was already smitten with her. "I'll go figure out what we want you to do first while you warm up with Corrine. She's going to help you with choreography and whatnot."
"Okay..." Grace trailed as Fatima patted her back, walking toward the men to speak privately. There was a pause of awkward silence as Grace looked to the cold woman. She was a bit shorter than Grace with platinum blonde locks tossed into a tight ponytail. Her body was curvaceous with extra padding along her hips and bosom. Her blue eyes practically pierced through Grace and she shivered. It took her only a moment to realize who she really was - Howie's ex-girlfriend. "Are you already warmed up?"
"I'm always warmed up. Hurry your fat-ass and warm up so I can get the Hell out of here. The sooner you get rejected, the better," Corrine snapped in a low voice so only Grace could hear, flipping back her ponytail.
Grace's emerald eyes widened in natural surprise as Corrine's serpent tongue whipped against her, making her physically wince. She was fully prepared to just tackle the woman in mid sentence as she stared, but remembered that she was at an audition. She felt pain for Howie immediately, unable to understand what he had seen in her to begin with. In fact, all her anger seemed to bubble in order to protect Howie's heart.
"Are you dancing in those dirty ass jeans, Princess?" Corrine growled, breaking away Grace's thoughts.
"No," she stated simply, swallowing her own sarcastic edge. Instead, she focused on unbuttoning her fly, sliding the jeans down to reveal a pair of black, boy-cut shorts that outlined her figure fantastically. She then pulled off her baggy t-shirt to reveal a form fitting, racer backed tank top that complimented her sleek upper torso. She then tossed her curls into a messy bun, bending straight from the waist to flatten her palms against the floor. She felt the tight burn of her muscles loosening, but welcomed it as she did an easy back flip. "I think I'm ready."
"You little--" Corrine stopped as Fatima walked back in and she offered a fake smile. "Break a leg, Grace!"
"I'm sure you'd just love that," Grace breathed sarcastically, bending her knee and flexing her foot toward her buttocks to finish stretching.
"All warmed up?" Fatima asked as she reached the two women.
"Yes," Grace answered, glancing back behind the woman to attempt to catch Howie's gaze, almost praying that he wouldn't be watching Corrine.
‘Good luck,’ Howie mouthed to her as Fatima began describing the dances they were going to do.
Grace felt her heart flop excitedly in her chest, unable to resist the sweet smile adorning her features. Blushing faintly, she broke his gaze as she glanced back to Fatima in attempts to concentrate. All the songs selected were up tempo and just the simplest portions of each eight count. They wanted to test her broadness, but Corrine seemed less than pleased.
"Why can't you make her do More Than That? The ballet movements are harder than any hip-hop that she can pick up on the streets. Looking beautiful and graceful on the stage is harder than wiggling her ass like she's used to doing."
"Corrine, I asked you to stay behind to dance, not whine incessantly like you always do," Fatima groaned with a roll of her eyes, keeping her attention on Grace.
"I'm just offering my opinion, because I want this tour to be the absolute best for the boys. They deserve it," Corrine quickly saved.
"Just show me a dance and I'll do it," Grace offered with a shrug of her bare shoulders. Fatima smiled with appreciation, nodded as she walked over to the large stereo system. A rush of adrenaline poured through Grace's system as she attempted not to focus on the boys, until something was tugged over her curls and pair of arms snaked around her from behind. She jumped in surprise and immediately turned to face Brian. "What are you doing?!"
"Giving you my good luck charm and trying not to get in trouble before Tima starts," Brian answered back, tugging affectionately on the faded Wildcat's cap he planted over Grace's head. "You're going to be great and I bet the date Howie takes you on afterwards to celebrate is going to be fantastic. I've heard rumors."
"Brian..." Grace trailed with a rueful smile, realizing his voice had gotten louder just to catch Corrine's attention to the basic facts. Her relationship with Howie was still brand new and somewhat odd. She hadn't praised the fact at all, much less used the term 'boyfriend' yet. But, she couldn't help but feel satisfaction for Howie with Brian's sneaky ways.
"You're doing great so far, Gracie-Babe. Just keep picturing yourself dancing at home," Brian grinned, kissing her cheek and scurrying away as Fatima turned around to get attention back on her instructions once again as More Than That began to play and echo off the studio walls.
"We'll walk you through the first set of dance steps a few times, and then see how you do," Fatima instructed, motioning for Corrine. She counted out the beats, slowly working into the graceful dance that accentuated the boys' harmonies. It was a sweet tale of body language through grand gestures and lovely ballet movements.
Grace watched Fatima carefully, practically ignoring Corrine, absorbing the movements into the cortex of her brain. She watched the delicate movements, taking note of any details that Fatima incorporated. She couldn't help but smile at the beauty of the dance, gently moving her hands through the flow of the music to settle her soul. And, when Fatima finished, she glanced back to Corrine to count the beats. But, Grace halted them. "I can do that."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, no problem."
"Alright... go whenever you're ready," Fatima stepped back with a slight hesitation, grabbing her clipboard and watching in amazement.
Grace closed her eyes as the music was reset, waiting for the correct cue in the tempo. She imagined as if she were watching a movie as the music beckoned to her. Imagining Fatima's movements in her mind, Grace allowed the music to hold her like a strong dancing partner. Her movements were elegant and beautifully sweet, holding her body gracefully throughout every single step. There was no flaw in her posture, nor the articulation of her arms. She was flawless and exuded a mysterious essence of longing that no other dancer seemed to project during their weeks of practice. Grace was living within the music, calling out toward the viewers as the boys' voices grew stronger. And, when they grew stronger, so did her movements. Even the grand pliate molded toward her own uniqueness as she twirled into a perfect pirouette to end.
"Holy... she's perfect," Kevin whispered in awe, his jaw slightly ajar as the song faded along with AJ's raspy voice.
"Shit would be the word you missed," AJ laughed as he boosted himself from his seat, knowing they really didn't need to see anything else. The look glossed in Kevin's eyes reflected the same look in Fatima's eyes - total adoration.
"I knew she would make the troupe." Brian grinned as he slapped Howie on the back with approval.
"Do I need to do it again?" Grace questioned Fatima quietly as the boys hurried over toward the three women. Fatima had yet to say a word, setting Grace on the edge. The triumphant grin plastered on Corrine's face caused a cold lump to settle in the middle of her throat. She attempted to hold back the tears, fussing with the hem of her form fitted top. "If I'm not what you're looking for, that's fine, too. I just promised Howie that I'd try--"
"You don't have any qualms staying with Howie on his tour bus, do you? There's not enough room on the dancer's bus since the one you're replacing is tagging along," Fatima interrupted, not able to hold back her smile any longer.
"Excuse me?"
"In other words, Tima has just hired you," Brian translated, grinning.
"Me?" Grace repeated, pointing toward herself like a lost child.
"Yes, you! Welcome to the Backstreet Boys Dance Troupe," Fatima gave Grace a warm hug.
"Thank you so much," Grace whispered with obvious shock, just standing folded in Fatima's embrace. She couldn't even muster all the emotions building against her heart. She wanted to do a dozen back flips then passionately kiss Howie with celebration, but she was frozen. She didn't know what to really do. Nothing this wonderful had ever happened before. Especially to her.
"Thank you for trying out because I don't know what we would have done if you hadn't," Fatima kissed Grace's cheek as they pulled away from one another. "Congratulations!"
"Thanks," Grace answered meekly as she was pulled backward.
"Congratulations, Gracie-Babe! I knew you could do it," Brian slobbered a kiss onto her cheek.
"It was your lucky hat," she actually laughed as he tickled her cheek with his lips. She hugged him close, the adrenaline dumping into her body finally starting to take effect.
"My hat only helped. Your talent got you the job--"
"His hat was only to hide that afro you were building when you started sweating bullets," AJ interrupted with a cheshire grin, leaning to kiss her other cheek. "You did great, Gracie."
"Thanks, AJ," Grace answered, squeezing his hand in appreciation as Brian still held onto her tightly.
"Now aren’t you glad you tried out?" Kevin finally stepped forward with a gentle smile.
"I'll tell you when I see my first paycheck," Grace teased, rubbing her fingers together to signal the sign of money.
"I told you that you would get in," Howie spoke up, his eyes shining with pride.
"Oh, that'd be our cue," Brian whistled, allowing Grace to slide from his arms. He reached to kiss her once more as AJ and Kevin did the same. They then motioned a quick goodbye toward Howie, walking over to speak with Fatima about finalizing Grace's placement.
"Guess I had to see for myself?" Grace trailed, obviously embarrassed as she tucked her hands behind her back.
"Well, I knew that you could do it," Howie smiled, reaching over to bring her into his arms. He pressed their lips together in a celebratory kiss.
Grace easily succumbed to the passion as Howie's tongue dipped into her mouth to catch her own tongue in a special dance. She had to smile as she deepened the kiss, pressing her hands on the sides of his face. For that moment, she really didn't care that Corrine was watching so closely or that the boys were hooting. She only cared about Howie and the feelings of adequacy that he gave her. She laughed softly with delight when they slowly parted, her emerald eyes glowing with true excitement. "Are you going to have qualms about sharing your private tour bus with me?"
"Oh, I have no qualms at all about it--"
"Does that mean I get the big king sized bed in the back all to myself?" she teased with interruption, curling her arms sweetly around his neck.
"Hey now, where would I sleep?"
"In those cramped little bunks?"
"My own private tour bus doesn’t have cramped little bunks. And you may be my girlfriend but there is no way you're getting the bed to your--"
"Wait..." Grace interrupted with a shy smile. "Say that again..."
"You may be my girlfriend?"
"Girlfriend... I like that."
Howie broke into an adoring smile. "You do?"
"Yeah... I like that a lot," she admitted.
"I like it, too," he continued to smile, kissing her again.
"Mmm," Grace purred naturally, standing on her tip toes to rest their foreheads together. "... And you may be my boyfriend, but I'm still getting that bed to myself."
"Boyfriend... I like the sound of that..."
"Good, I get the bed!"
"Yeah, you get the... hey!"
"This is incredibly sweet, Howie," Kitra cooed for what seemed like the millionth time as she stole a bit of cooked hamburger from the crock pot, savoring the BBQ taste. Howie attempted to swat at her hands, but she grinned triumphantly as she hopped onto the nearby counter, simply watching the man work. After a week of dance rehearsals, Howie decided to throw Grace a celebration to congratulate her on the wonderful achievement. She had been dazzling the past week and Howie thought she truly deserved the encouragement. So, he asked Brian to take her out for a little bit of fun as he gathered everyone at his home. He had even invited George and his family, who were in the living room getting acquainted with the boys.
"Yeah, but it won't be if you eat all the food," Howie groaned playfully, wagging the tong in his hand at Kitra.
"Racie will know it went to a good cause though," Kitra defended with an exaggerated pout.
"You're... you're..."
"I'm what?" Kitra continued to pout.
"Just stop eating the food!"
"Okay, Daddy," she chirped playfully with another grin. Only, the look on Howie's face caused Kitra's smirk to fade slightly. "Are you nervous or what, Dorough?"
"What would make you say that?"
"That look of devastation on your face when you thought that I might eat all your perfection."
"With you, it's possible--"
"Oh please, I'm not Nick. I can't eat that much."
"Well, I don't want to chance that."
Kitra immediately rolled her eyes as she hopped off the counter, moving to fetch the already stored items in the fridge to set up. Grace would be arriving with Brian at any moment. And, it was easy to see that Howie was nervous. Even though they were technically dating, Howie still got nervous around Grace. He was afraid of doing something to make her leave. And, Kitra could read him far too well. "Racie really likes you, y'know?"
"Yeah... I know."
"Just stop being so nervous. She's not going to leave," Kitra kissed his cheek and walked out with her hands holding trays of food.
Howie exhaled a soft breath as he spoke to himself, "I just love her so much..."
"Hey D, come on! Brian just pulled into the driveway!" AJ's voice called out from the living room.
Howie hurriedly put the pot of BBQ on to simmer, wiping his hands on a damp dish rag. He practically tumbled into the living room just as the door opened. Sure enough, Grace's beautiful voice announced her presence. "I think that's the first time I've ever gotten sand permanently lodged in my ass crack from getting pummeled so damn hard--"
"SURPRISE!" everyone shouted, startling Grace from her graphic description of the sand location with Brian.
"Oh good Lord," Grace immediately groaned, attempting to turn as she buried her fiery face in Brian's chest.
"Oh, no. This is a party for you and you're not going to hide," Brian chuckled, kissing the top of her head. "It was all Howie and Kit's idea."
"He does this all the time," Grace growled with a slight annoyance, though she was truly awed by Howie's dedication.
"Can you blame him? He's proud of you!"
"He's way too proud--"
"Shush and just tell your boyfriend thank you."
Grace looked like she might fight Brian's demand, but he pushed her toward Howie before she could say another word of objection. Her cheeks were rosy with obvious embarrassment as she fidgeted with adjusting her bikini. "You are way too much, Stranger."
"You're welcome," Howie merely smiled.
"I owe you way too much--"
"You don't owe me anything. I did this because I wanted to."
"But--"
Before she could protest any more, Howie silenced her with a sweet and loving kiss. And like always, Grace slipped into a comfortable warmth as Howie's arms locked behind her waist. She caressed the sides of his face with her fingertips, merely enjoying the taste of him. She had never been kissed in her life before Howie, yet, now she craved it more than anything. Almost more than she craved him. "I love when you kiss me."
"Good, because I love kissing you," Howie smiled softly, resting his forehead against hers. "Did you like the surprise?"
"Very much," Grace confided, tilting her head so she could kiss him again. She honestly didn't know what she would have done without Howie. He had given her so much in such a short amount of time, yet she had done nothing for him. It seemed unfair in the long run and Grace toiled over what she could possibly do to make it even. "Thank you."
"You're welcome, Baby."
"You're hogging the guest of honor!" Kitra suddenly announced, pushing her way into the embrace. More so, pushing Grace away from Howie's embrace. She grinned wildly as she motioned toward little Emily who was nestled in her arms. "Other people are anxious to see you."
"Emmie," Grace immediately cooed, practically pushing Howie away to fawn over the toddler. She had missed George's girls since last babysitting them. It always seemed like forever.
"Wacie," Emily giggled happily as Grace covered her small cheeks in kisses. "Miss you!"
"I missed you too, Sweetheart, so much," Grace promised, taking the toddler from Kitra's arms. She nestled her close, allowing her fingers to dance through her light brown locks. The girls had always been a second family to Grace.
"'Prised?"
"Oh, I was very surprised. I think I almost jumped right out of my skin!"
"Ew!" Emily laughed, wrinkling her nose.
"Okay, I promise I'll stay in my skin," Grace groaned, rubbing her nose against the side of Emily's face. "Where are my other babies, Emmie?"
"Wit AJ an' Brian."
"Are Georgie and Rach here?" Grace questioned, glancing toward Kitra for an answer.
"Yeah, Rach is trying to keep Georgie from eating all the food."
"Typical," Grace laughed, leaning to hug Kitra close. "Thank you, Kitty."
"You deserve this, Racie. And it's all from that kick-ass boyfriend of yours," Kitra smiled, kissing Grace's cheek. She was just happy that for once, both their lives were going in the right direction. Neither had to sell themselves to men ever again.
"I know... I owe him the world..."
"You know he won't accept anything as a thanks--"
"Gracie!" Zoey suddenly screeched, interrupting the women's private conversation. She was grinning excitedly as she barreled over to her favorite person, practically tackling Emily and Grace onto the couch. Her blue eyes glittered with excitement as she shook Grace's shoulders. "I made the dance team! I made Brittany Murphy eat my dance shoes! She didn't know what hit her when I started out on the dance floor. Everyone loved me and I even got Johnny's digits! He's taking me to Homecoming... That is if Brian doesn't ask me first!"
"Boy crazy would be an understatement at this point," Grace groaned.
"She's a teenager, what do you expect?" Kitra laughed, ruffling Zoey's locks. "Congratulations, Zoe!"
"Gracie helped me! And now that she's on the dance troupe, Howie promised that he'd get me a double date with Brian, him, and Grace!" Zoey practically exploded with excitement.
"A double date, huh?" Grace questioned in surprise, glancing at Howie.
"Well of course. Can't celebrate getting on the dance team any other way," Howie smiled, giving Zoey a kiss on her forehead. "I'll talk to Brian about a good day to go, alright?"
Kitra snorted with laughter. "You are one sneaky sonofab--"
"I think it's time for the guest of honor to mingle," AJ halted Kitra's sentence, clamping a gentle hand over her mouth. "C'mon, Babe, there's some food that's calling your name."
"Do I get double desserts?" Kitra questioned with a purr, her voice laced with a sexual innuendo.
"Ooh, definitely."
"She honestly worries me," Rachel sighed with a faint smile, finally thankful that she located Grace. And, sure enough, Grace had two of her children and the other children were bound to find her soon. Pride rippled through her light blue eyes as she bent down to give Grace a large squeeze. "I heard you're going to be a star, Gracie."
"Just a backup dancer," Grace shrugged as she stood, Emily still clinging to her.
"On the Backstreet Boys Dance Troupe. Not many women can say that!" Rachel shook her head with a laugh. "Aren't you excited?"
"I'm really excited," Grace admitted with a chershire smile as George finally approached with a large plate of food. "I love dancing. The other girls at rehearsal act like it's a pain to practice, but I'd couldn't be more ecstatic to get on the dance floor... It's just so damn different from Devil's... Only, I'm leaving all of you..."
"It's not like you're going to be gone forever," George actually chided, however the sentiment was somewhat lost as his mouth as full of food. "You get to travel the world with the biggest group in history. Don't you feel bad about leaving. Don’t you dare."
"But what about Devil's?"
"Why are you worried about Devil's? Honey, you know I hated watching you work there. You're so much better than that, forget about Devil's!"
Grace exhaled a deep breath, glancing to make sure Howie was preoccupied with other things besides her conversation with George and Rachel. "I just can't help but think maybe I'm not good enough to even be doing a tour like this. So many other women worked so hard and I just got lucky because one of my high paying customers wanted his friend to get lucky..."
"Grace, you got hired because you have a talent for dancing. Nothing less than that. Those women may have worked hard but they can't pick up the dances as quickly as you. I've seen what you release when you're dancing and it's damn powerful."
"But still--"
"No but still. No what if. No nothing. You got hired for your talent and that's that.”
"Besides, it's time you start doing things that make you happy. Stop worrying about everyone else and stop worrying about Kitra. Life isn't just surviving, Sweetheart. It's enjoying the pleasure of living. It's enjoying that terrific man you found over there," Rachel soothed, rubbing Grace's back as they glanced toward Howie.
"I didn't find him... He found me..."
"You found each other in different ways. So, enjoy this, alright? You deserve it."
"I actually kind of like the squirt, too," George approved, hugging both Rachel and Grace close.
"Papi liked him? The same Papi that threatened to snap him like an itty bitty twig?" Grace questioned softly with a laugh that caught Howie's attention.
"Shh, don't let anyone else hear!" George hissed.
"Okay, okay," Grace promised, holding her hands up in defense.
"Georgie-Porgie, just be quiet and eat," Rachel rolled her eyes as she shoved some potato salad into her husbands mouth.
"So, I guess I need to keep him, huh, Rach?" Grace reflected, continuing to watch Howie as he joked with his group of friends. She had been considering her options for the longest time, knowing there had to be some way to completely define their relationship. Some way to thank him.
"Definitely. I've seen how happy he's made you. That boy's a keeper--"
"By any means necessary..."
Grace fidgeted nervously as she stepped into Howie's somewhat dark bedroom, listening to the water continue to run from his private bath. Toying with the sash of her silk cashmere robe, she eased herself onto Howie's soft bed. The party had ended several hours ago, which gave Grace a lot of time to think about her choices. Everyone who spoke with her had said the same thing - that Howie was a wonderful thing for her. That she should be very thankful for everything he did. And, Grace was extremely grateful for everything he did. She couldn't even begin to muster all the thanks that would be needed to repay him for his generosity. Not to mention the coils of hot passion burning deep in her soul whenever he touched her. She had felt him respond in the same manner. Then when he confessed that he wanted to make love with her, Grace had blown it off as something trivial. But, now in retrospect, it seemed perfect. She had dreamed of having sex with him far too many times during the past weeks. So, that's when she decided she needed to give all of herself to him that night. As a thank you.
Soon, a sweet voice floated from the bathroom to cause a smile to creep on Grace's face. Howie was singing. She loved to hear him sing, especially when he didn't know she was listening. He sung more uninhabited.
Like my money, all my cars
Flowers, cards and candy
Said I'm fortunate to have you girl
I want you to know, I really adore you
All my people who know what's going on
Look at your mate, help me sing my song
Tell her I'm your man, you're my girl
I'm gonna tell it to the whole wide world
Ladies I'm your man, you're my girl
Promise to love you the best I can.
Grace honestly couldn't stop smiling as the water shut off and Howie's voice echoed throughout the elegant bathroom. It was powerfully stirring, causing a burning sensation to rip down her body. His voice caused a deep shiver to pull at her body, practically begging for her to find him. She bit down hard on her bottom lip to resist the deepest temptations, wrapping her arms around herself. She wanted him badly.
"Too bad I can't tell her that without singing in the shower," she heard Howie scorn himself as he finished singing the song.
Grace attempted to relax on the bed as she heard Howie continue to shuffle in the bathroom. She didn't want her intentions to look planned, but her nerves were on edge. The rush of adrenaline begged for her to just pull him to the bed as soon as he surfaced from the bathroom, layering his face with the sweetest of kisses as the erotic heights of her feelings took control. Yet, she couldn't help but shy from that suggestion, her cheeks already tingeing pink as the bathroom door finally opened. She swallowed the large lump centered in the middle of her throat, hoping for perfection. It had been so long since she actually craved a man. "I think you just told her, Stranger."
"Grace? Sweetheart, you scared the shit out of me," Howie exclaimed, holding a hand to his chest as the other kept the towel wrapped around his waist.
"For my own amusement," she assured, smiling sweetly.
"At least it amused you... so, you heard me singing?"
"Yeah," she admitted with a shrug of her shoulders, climbing off the bed. She moved toward the sliding glass doors leading out to Howie's private veranda, which overlooked the ocean. She trailed her fingers lightly against the glass to catch the motion of the ocean before glancing back, her emerald eyes gleaming with the deepness of the full moon. "I love it when you sing though. Your voice just gives me chills."
"It does?" he smiled softly. She looked absolutely beautiful in the moonlight and it was still hard to believe that she was his. "How come you never told me that before?"
"Because you never like to sing around me and if you do, you're so tense..." Grace answered lightly, moving toward the dresser to select his clothing for him. Though, she knew it would be a mute point once Howie became comfortable with her.
"I get nervous that I'll mess up the song or that you won't like it," Howie confessed as she handed him a pair of his lucky boxers and gray tank top. "What's on your mind, Grace?"
"Huh?"
"You're thinking about something."
"How do you know I'm thinking about something?"
"Because I do and you just told me by asking me that."
"And now you have officially confused me..."
"Grace--"
"There's a lot of things on my mind," she interrupted, refusing to be scorned when something so important was riding on this moment. She exhaled a slow breath as she stepped closer to Howie, pressing the most delicate kisses to his throat. "Like how much you've been doing for me over these past months. I mean, God, you've given me everything that I could have ever wanted. And you've treated Kit just as nicely. And that means the absolute world to me. I keep trying to repay you, but you won't hear of it. And, I just appreciate everything so damn much. You're like my world, Howie..."
"I care about you, Grace. I'm doing all this because I want to," he whispered, his body shuddering from her kisses. "You've been my world longer than you'll know..."
"And I want to repay you. Please let me repay you."
"Grace, wait, I don't understand--"
"You offered me everything I could ever want, now I want to offer you what you've been craving," Grace explained, guiding his hands to the loose sash cinched around her waist. She could feel the soft tremors of nervousness coursing through Howie's hands, causing her to moisten her lips with certainty. With baited breath, she helped him untie it and easily allowed it to slip from her bare body. It fluttered dramatically to the thickly carpeted floor like with the silk shimmering at her bare feet as she stood in all her glory.
The moonlight basked a faint glow against her peaches and cream complexion, accenting the sweet strawberry highlights in the honey curls that cascaded in perfect ringlets down her defined shoulders. All the walls she had built around her heart were destroyed the second she offered herself completely to the man that made her weak. She bit down softly on her moist bottom lip as she waited for Howie's appropriate reaction, never so unsure of her nudity before. The sweet contours of her beautiful body were ripe with youth, supple and well defined. The swell of her heavy breasts rising with each shallow breath she attempted to calm her nerves. She was amazingly gorgeous. Even the scar along her ribcage seemed sensual to her naked form. "I want you to have me, Stranger."
"You... Grace, I... oh, you're so beautiful..." Howie trailed off, battling both sides of his mind between what he wanted and what they needed. "This isn't right. I don't want you giving yourself to me as a repayment... I want it to be mutual and I want it to be making love, but you don't believe in it."
Grace frowned openly at Howie's less than enthused reaction. "This is mutual. I want you--"
"You don't believe in love. Nor in making love. I can't just have sex with someone, especially one I care about so much."
"It's the same thing," Grace attempted to stress as Howie bent down to grasp her robe. Quickly, he wrapped it around her to conceal her beautifully nude form. Afraid to even touch her silky skin by any means as he forced her to hold the robe together. It was almost worse than a physical slap to her face and she recoiled in that manner. Her heart started to actually ache as she just stared at him in disbelief. No man had ever turned her down before, whether she wanted him or not. "Stranger, please--"
"It's not the same thing, Grace. I'm sorry, but I can't use you like that. I just can't," Howie shook his head. He didn't want to reject Grace but he couldn't sleep with her when all she believed in was sex and nothing more. "I want it to mean more to you than just sex."
"What the Hell is wrong with you?" she whispered, unable to keep the pain from projecting in her bitterly strained voice. She clutched the robe tightly to her now shivering body, all the self esteem that she had built in the past few weeks crumbling in mere seconds. She felt tears burn against her murky emerald eyes, but she refused to give him the satisfaction of seeing her cry. Denying her had been enough for one night.
"What the Hell is wrong with me? I don't like using women as a repayment for something I'm willing to do. I'm not trying to hurt you--"
"Funny way of showing it."
"Damnit, Grace! I'm not like AJ or Nick, alright? I told you how I feel and how I see the difference between making love and sex. I told you."
"Just forget it, okay," she mumbled, brushing against him in attempts to flee the awkwardly painful situation.
"I still care about you!" Howie grabbed her arm.
"Fine!" she yelped in shock, obviously not prepared for him to grasp her so tightly nor yank her toward him. She felt her arm rip from the force, causing a wide-eyed expression to flourish on her already hurt face.
"I didn't mean to hurt you, Grace. You're the most beautiful and amazing woman I've ever met. I care about you, I like you... I feel so much for you and I'm sorry. I just can't have sex with you when that's all you see it and nothing more."
"You made your point, okay, now let go of me," she finally growled, the sweetly shy woman Howie had broken through to so long ago disappearing beneath a thicker wall.
"Why are you doing this? You aren't even listening to my reasoning!"
"I think you putting my robe back on made it clear enough. I was giving you what I thought you wanted. But I was wrong. Would you stop throwing it in my face and let me go to bed? Early dance rehearsals tomorrow, remember?"
"I don't like using women. You may be used to that, but it's something I don't do--"
"Let me go. The last man who didn't ended up with a broken jaw."
"Gracie, please just listen--"
"Don't call me Gracie, don't ever call me Gracie," she actually hissed, yanking her arm back sharply despite the consequences. She didn't care about the physical pain however, more concerned about the fact that tears were ready to spill at any second. And she refused to let a man get control over her like that again. So, she left.
"Grace!"
"Just forget it!" she hollered, slamming her bedroom door and locking it tightly behind her.
"Damnit, Grace!" he cursed, running to the locked door. "Grace, how can you punish me for my beliefs?! That's not fair and you know it! "
But she didn't answer and Howie feared she never would.
