"If it isn't my favorite dancer!" Kitra whistled excitedly as she beckoned Grace forward, practically bouncing in her stool as the young woman stepped forward in her first costume for the Black & Blue tour. After much deliberation, AJ and Howie had concluded that Kitra's unique fashion sense had to be incorporated into the edgier tour that they were starting this year. She had a knack for selecting the right types of styles for the right people, not to mention some of her original designs were absolutely gorgeous. So, AJ had given her complete creative freedom as a working outlet, trusting her to make the best selections when it came to the tour. And, so far, they hadn't gone wrong as a long day of costume preparation lay ahead. Everyone was clogged into the large studio complex where Kitra headed the dress coordination, taking on a few select clothing alterations herself. Especially when it came to Grace and the boys.
"I'm glad AJ figured out the perfect way to use your better talents," Grace confided as she turned on the platform so Kitra could work her wonders in adjusting the somewhat baggy dress on Grace's slender form. She exhaled a soft yet depressed breath as she hung her arms toward her sides. The previous night had been an absolute disaster and Grace had hoped to forget the entire hellish nightmare. Only, her bleak emerald eyes shared a different story, so she made sure to face opposite of Kitra's critical eyes, watching the male dancers instead of Howie, who had been practically leering at her since she arrived.
"I guess my weird fashion sense is finally useful for something." Kitra smiled as she pulled the fabric closer to Grace's sleek body, carefully pinning where she would have to sew later. She knew something had happened between her best friend and Howie just by the slumping posture and baiting breaths. "What's wrong, Racie?"
"Couldn't sleep last night," Grace somewhat lied, allowing Kitra to turn her to access the front of her costume. This one had been decided especially for the More Than That number when the girls danced on the lower stage as the boys sang from above. Gentle pastel lighting would be used with a fog machine, creating a beautiful aura as the girls danced and descended and rose with the trap doors on the stage. To compliment this, Kitra had selected beautiful silk gown with various lengths of handkerchief skirting that would flow easily with the girls' graceful movements. So far, Grace had been given the light green dress, accenting her beautiful dark emerald eyes, which she kept closed as she attempted not to laugh as Kitra's hands moved over her ticklish body.
"I figured as much since you were wandering around when I stopped by this morning to take a shower and change." Kitra poked Grace's ticklish spot with her thimble covered index finger. "What else happened?"
"Nothing, but you're going to get blood on this dress if you keep tickling me," Grace yelped softly with another giggle, immediately causing Howie to frown from a few feet away.
"Why I get the feeling you're yet again hiding something from me, Racie-Cakes?"
"Yeah, my blood which is supposed to stay in my veins and arteries."
"Grace--"
"Is she that damn fat that you have to let out all those seams or what?" Corrine snapped from her throng of dancers. Her glassy blue eyes were dark with disgust as she simply glared at Grace with a hatred that seemed to be kindled by the devil himself.
"Ugh, you again?! Draeger, I already did your dress fitting. Need I remind you that Tima freaked when I had to tell her you gained five pounds in a week? If you're calling anyone fat, take a look in the mirror," Kitra snapped, turning to glare back at Corinne.
"She just loves me," Grace whispered with a dry sarcasm as Corrine scowled darkly at Kitra, muttering something under her breath that caused the other female dancers to giggle and snicker. "Her and all the girls threw me this really pretty congratulation celebration after rehearsal the other day. Apparently, it's good luck to get all your clothing shredded up, thrown in the toilet, and covered in lipstick..."
"Racie, why won't you tell Tima what's going on? Corinne is the worst dancer on this damn troupe, she could easily be gone by your word," Kitra stressed as she finished pinning the dress.
"This is like some stupid hazing ritual in a sorority, only I get it twice as bad because I'm not one of them truly. I don't have much room to talk since I came from a strip joint and they can easily toss my ass back if I don't play well with others," Grace sighed, allowing Kitra to help her take off the dress without hurting her flesh with the pins. She ignored the blatant stares from all the male dancers, not really knowing she was that beautiful to begin with. Instead, she focused on Kitra as she dressed into her next costume and glanced back to Corinne. "Besides, she's Howie's ex-girlfriend..."
"Your point being? That was called harassment, Racie, and no one has to put up with it," Kitra disagreed with a mouthful of pins as she began her work.
"We have something in common."
"What do you mean?"
"Howie."
"But he's her ex... not yours."
"I guess." Grace shrugged as Kitra started to fix her white cargo pants, making sure that they hugged low on her hips to display her fantastically trim abdomen and always beautiful belly button ring. "Bet she even slept with him without having to beg."
"I heard the first time wasn't mutual."
"He raped her?"
"What? Hell no! She raped him."
Grace glanced toward Kitra with confusion. "Excuse me?"
"Guys do get raped, Racie. You just never hear about it because society claims it only happens to women."
"But they dated for--"
"She told him that the press would know all about the rape if he didn't stay with her... then she got tired of him and broke it off anyway."
"How the Hell did you find this out?"
"AJ... he's the only one who knows."
"Why did he tell you that?" Grace whispered softly, unable to get her voice to project any louder. The darkness surrounding Howie's love life was almost as heart breaking as the darkness that encompassed Grace's entire life. She immediately started to assess her own actions from the previous night, wondering if she could have considered herself a rapist for pushing herself on Howie. Not that it mattered, because he had virtually shattered any remains of her small heart when he denied her.
"We were talking about our pasts and it just came up."
"Howie's past came up when you two were talking about yours?"
"Well... yours and Howie's, too."
"You told AJ about--"
"Not everything. It was a confession night, okay?"
"Kit--"
"I'm sorry, I won't do it again."
"What did you tell him about me?" Grace groaned softly as she stepped out of the white outfit to step into the next.
"He asked how we became friends, so I told him," Kitra replied quietly.
"How much of that story did you tell him?" Grace immediately questioned as Kitra focused on her work. The avoidance of connecting their eyes gave Grace all the answers that she would ever need. "Of course, you couldn't just tell him that you bumped into this little seventeen year old in Florida who had came down from Kentucky to pursue her dreams. No, you had to tell him about that battered and bruised little seventeen year old covered in blood and half way into a psychotic trip because she had no choice but to run from Kentucky--"
"Racie, calm down. I don't even know the whole story, so how much can I really tell him?" Kitra interrupted.
"Nothing can ever be perfect in my life, can it?" Grace whispered with obvious pain, folding her hands across her face. She refused to break down in such a public place, but life was just too hard anymore. Sometimes, she felt like just walking into the ocean she loathed so much and let it swallow her whole. Yet, her thoughts were drawn backward as Kitra's hand accidentally brushed against the bruise Howie had caused last night from attempting to get Grace back into her arms. She jerked away in shock at the pain, causing Kitra to reach and find the problem.
"What the Hell happened, Racie? Who did this to you?" Kitra looked up at Grace in surprise.
"I was trying to play whips and chains with Howie last night," she attempted to joke with a tight laugh.
"Don't lie to me. Did he hit you?"
"Lord no--"
"Then what happened?"
"Nothing," Grace sighed, her words holding a painful double meaning.
"Nothing my ass--"
"Kitra, that's the point, nothing happened."
"But how--"
"It was an accident," Grace interrupted, noticing Brian, AJ, and Howie finally starting to approach both the women. It seemed that everyone's fittings were done besides the boys and Kitra had made a special request to do theirs. Now, the room was somewhat empty, except for Corinne waiting near the edge, obviously wanting to speak with Grace. She could only imagine what the woman actually wanted to do to her, but that's something she'd rather face than Howie. So, quickly, she shrugged off her costumes in attempts to leave.
"Whoa, hold on, you're going to get pricked!" Kitra objected, helping Grace out of the last costume. "This isn't the Nextel Cup, you know. Where are you going--"
"I promised Zoey I would stop by and help her with her dance team moves."
"Racie--"
"You know my body better than anyone in this world, Kitty, you can do the alterations by heart," Grace quickly interrupted, shrugging on her long sleeved t-shirt over her tank top and short black shorts. She then hopped into her sneakers, attempting to rush out without having to see Brian, AJ, or Howie.
"Gracie-Babe! Where are you--"
"Can't stay. Bye!" Grace breathed, pushing her way past and out the door.
"What did you do to her?" Kitra immediately accused of Howie, stepping toward him with several pins pointed directly at his chest. An overwhelming air of protectiveness raced through her heart as her body tensed with disgust. "I saw that damn bruise on her arm and I swear to God, Dorough--"
"I didn't do a damn thing!" Howie held up his hands in defense.
"I will poke your fucking eyes out!"
"Holy shit, Kitty," AJ yelped in surprise, diving toward the woman before she could physically attack Howie. He easily hoisted her into his arms as Brian reached to pluck the pins from her flailing hands. But, that didn't stop her mouth from exploding with sharp expletives.
"I told her that she could fucking trust you! She finally lets her guard down for one second and you hurt her! You damn bastard! Don't deny that fucking bruise on her arm, because there's no way that she could put a black monkey paw that damn size on herself! And she's acting completely different! I can see it in her eyes and I know her better than anyone! You fucking asshole! WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER?!"
"I SAID NO TO HAVING SEX WITH HER! ALRIGHT?! I DIDN'T WANT TO USE HER LIKE THAT BECAUSE I FUCKING LOVE HER!" Howie finally exploded, startling his friends and shutting Kitra up.
"Holy shit," Brian actually murmured.
"You want to think twice about hurting him, Kitty?" AJ whispered into the now silent Kitra's ear.
Kitra stared at Howie for the longest moment, judging the seriousness of his dark eyes. It seemed to make far more sense than what she originally thought, especially with the way Grace had been behaving. Comparing herself to Corinne as an ex-girlfriend and the suggestion that Corinne could actually sleep with Howie. For that moment, Kitra felt slightly foolish, but not for being protective of her best friend. "What about the bruise?"
"She was walking away when I was trying to explain. I grabbed her arm and she fought me. I didn't mean to hurt her, Kitra. That woman is my world and the only reason I turned her down for sex was because I care about her. I want to make love to her. I don't want to just fuck her like other guys have. I want it to mean something for the both of us. But she doesn't understand."
"God..."
"Is that explanation enough, Kit? Or do you still want you poke my eyes out?"
"I'm not going to apologize for being protective of Racie. She has no one else."
"I'm not saying that. But don't you threaten me when you don't know the whole story."
"Fine..."
"I love Grace more than anything. That's why I didn't have sex with her."
"You should have just done it."
"Why?"
"Because you know what you feel for her is real and you would consider it making love. But Racie is never going to believe in love or in making love. She has no reason to... She never did..."
"She never did until she met me."
"What the Hell are you doing?" Kitra spoke bluntly as she shuffled into the kitchen to find AJ's naked form hunched over the fridge with a large garbage can perched at his side. The sound of glass hitting glass echoed throughout the large kitchen, but Kitra was more concerned with the fact that AJ was naked and standing in front of the fridge. They had just spent the afternoon wrapped within blankets and comforters with a rage of sexual aggression. Kitra's erotic senses had peaked and mixed with the worry she felt for Grace, who hadn't returned to Howie's house nor returned a phone call since the costume fitting. In the back of her mind, Kitra knew that Grace was safe and sound. The younger girl was a loner at heart and sought some kind of peace since her heart had been broken so tragically. But, Kitra couldn't help but worry, especially as her emotions raged with AJ and Howie's misery increased two fold.
"I was just thinking while I was watching you sleep," AJ murmured, grabbing the last Jack Daniel's hidden in the fruit drawer.
"And you came to the conclusion of cleaning out the fridge bare-ass naked?" Kitra raised an eyebrow, wrapping AJ's robe around her body to keep the chill away.
"Need something to get my mind off your hot body," AJ answered with a crafty smile, moving to gather the rest of the alcohol throughout the various portions of his fridge. He had decided when she was sleeping that it truly was time to make a commitment to not only himself, but Kitra and Howie. Since Grace had shoved Howie away like a piece of yesterday's junk mail, AJ had found Howie attempting to lean on him more and more. And AJ yearned to be there for his best friend, but he couldn't do anything for him while continuing to drink and snort various chemicals up his nose. And he had already promised Kitra to tone down the behaviors. But, while watching her sleep, he hoped that maybe if he quit everything that it would prove to her that he could be a golden boyfriend. That he could have the type of love that Howie was fighting so desperately to keep.
"That doesn't tell me what you were thinking or what you're doing," Kitra chuckled, though her eyes were watching as each bottle shattered in the trash can, leaking the burning fluids that killed her pain.
"I was thinking I've got to get all this booze the hell out of my house."
"Really?"
"Yeah, I promised you how many weeks ago that we would try to stop all this stupid shit... Yet, all the shit is still in my house... How can I prove to you that I'm good on my word if I don't start taking some kind of action?"
"That's a good point," Kitra shuffled to the fridge with a smile. She was proud of AJ for facing his addictions, but deep down she was having trouble with her own. "You had to be naked to do it, though?"
"Clothes didn't seem like a priority," he shrugged, tossing the last bottle into the trash that would be thrown onto the curb as soon as he finished.
"Can't say I'm complaining." She reached over and pinched his behind.
"Ow!" he yelped in surprise, practically tumbling into his large fridge.
"Oops?"
"Oops?" AJ groaned as he jumped away from the chilliness of his fridge. He slammed the heavy door as he glanced back to Kitra, who was smirking with obvious interest. He followed her gaze toward his maleness and actually blushed when he noticed its smallness. "You think you're so damn cute, don't you?"
"I don't think. I know." She continued to smirk, finding his blushing plain adorable.
"Can you finish a sentence for me?" AJ questioned as he stepped toward her.
"Depends on the sentence."
"Payback is..."
"Such a... oh shit--"
"EXACTLY!" AJ growled, chasing after her as she attempted to scramble from the kitchen. Only, he was scrappy and fast, tackling her hard onto his long couch. Immediately ripping open his favorite robe, he buried himself inside the warm fabric with Kitra's bare body, allowing the coldness to seep into her with her shrieks of laughter.
"You little brat! Your body is all cold!" Kitra tried to squirm away from AJ but only succeeded in getting tangled up within the robe
"But you're warming me up," he promised, naturally finding the curve where her neck attached to her sleek shoulders for delicate kisses.
"Lucky bastard..."
"Lucky bastard?"
"If you had been any other guy, your ass would have been beat."
"Am I special to you?"
"Yes... you are."
"Good," he approved, lifting his upper body weight with his arms so he could stare down at Kitra. He could hardly contain the proud smile forming on his handsome face, offering a somewhat angelic quality to his usual streak of devilishness. "Because I don't think I could live without you."
"Alex... don't, you'll make me cry and I look hideous enough," Kitra actually sniffled, turning away from AJ's gaze.
"Okay, okay," he relented, bending down to place a sweet kiss against her lips, his body already significantly warmed by hers. He was always telling her how beautiful she was, but the way she looked away told him not to press his luck. After all, the no strings attached was still in effect until Kitra said otherwise. "Can I make it up to you?"
"How?"
"Dinner?"
"Just the two of us?"
"Yeah, we got you a lot beautiful dresses the last time we went shopping. We'll both get showers, get dressed up, and go to an expensive restaurant... We can celebrate your fantastic designs for the tour and probably do a little more shopping to get you ready for the tour."
"Then we can come back home and... get warm?" she smiled, trailing a line down the middle of his spine.
"We can get warm in the car, at the restaurant, in the changing rooms, and--"
"You're lucky I've got so much birth control. Damn nymphomaniac."
"You're the one always begging me--"
"I do not beg!"
"Okay, you whine mostly--"
"Alexander James."
"Kitra Holly."
"You drive me crazy."
"That's what makes life so exciting, Kitty."
"Howie?" AJ called loudly as he rapped heavily on the older Latino’s front door, waiting for any type of response. Usually, AJ would enter without any warning, but things had been tense over the past few days. Since the sexual blunder between the blossoming lovers, Howie and Grace had both transitioned into pitiful places of loneliness. Grace refused to speak to Howie, actually even forgetting to return to the house for several days. Kitra had assured AJ that Grace was probably just bouncing between friends' homes from Devil's, mostly George's home, but for Howie's sake, AJ was worried about Grace. It wasn't fair that his best friend was suffering so, especially with all the Hell AJ had already been putting him through over the dangerous months. Not to mention Howie's awful track record with vicious women. And, for once, AJ put aside his selfishness in order to reach out to Howie as he finally opened the front door and traveled toward the living room, despite the irritability of going sober. "D? Where are you?!"
"Cleaning the bathroom," Howie finally answered, walking onto the landing upstairs to look down at AJ. His usually warm brown eyes were now murky along with his hair, which he normally took such care of, was disheveled and somewhat greasy.
"Did you think about dunking yourself in the cleaning supplies while you were at it?" AJ questioned, somewhat relieved that Howie had even made a physical appearance.
"And smell like a pine tree? Tempting as that sounds, I'll pass," Howie replied with a careless shrug of his shoulders.
"I know this is a completely asshole-ish question, but I figure it might get you to talk, so I'll try it..." AJ trailed as he stepped further into the living room. "How you doing, D?"
"You're right, it is an asshole-ish question. How do you think I'm doing? Grace hasn't been here in days, she won't talk to me, she won't answer my calls and at rehearsals she won't even look at me."
"At least you’re not her dance partner?" AJ attempted to joke.
"Not funny."
"Then talk to 'Tima about switching her into--"
"Oh yeah, then I'll get the 'never mix business with pleasure' speech and get Grace in trouble. No."
AJ exhaled a slow sigh as he eased his aching body onto the couch. He immediately clasped his hands together so Howie wouldn't see the fine tremors practically turning his body into a small earthquake. He didn't want Howie to know that he had given up alcohol completely, in case he slipped back into the problems again. He wanted it to be a surprise and he couldn't take the look of disappointment in Howie's eyes again. Not after what they had already been through. Closing his eyes, AJ tried to focus himself back to the task at hand. "I'm sorry that you actually had to stand up for your beliefs and risk losing Grace like that... But I'm proud you didn't sink to my level and just sleep with her..."
"You are?" Howie raised an eyebrow as he descended the lavish stairs.
"Yeah... You really care about Grace..."
"More than anything, J... I love that woman so damn much and she slipped from my fingers all because..." Howie sighed heavily.
"She didn't slip from your fingers. Not yet..." AJ attempted to instill hope, glancing briefly toward the one man he considered to be closer to his heart than any other. "For what it's worth, Kit said she's just bouncing around in the city... She's safe... And she's shown up to all the rehearsals, so you know she's okay..."
"But she's not here with me."
"I know man, I know. You've just got to give her time to think about everything. She's not used to the feelings you've given her."
"I haven't given her any feelings, she made that pretty clear when she told me that there's no difference between sex and love--"
"Howie, she doesn't know what love is. You have to show her what it is."
"I've tried--"
"And if you want her so badly, then you're going to have to try harder.”
"I have--"
"Much harder."
"J--"
"Do you love her?"
"I..."
"Please don't insult me like that, D. I'm really trying to help here."
"I love her... I really do."
"Then you'll do anything to prove it to her."
"I'm just so damn lost."
"How do you think Grace feels?"
"I wouldn't know..."
"That's why you have to talk to her."
"Again, J, I--"
"Need to get your act cleaned up and try to get to George's to find her?"
"J--"
"Honestly, D, you look like Hell. You even let your hair go."
Howie furrowed his dark brows in confusion as he ran a hand through his shorter curls. Sure enough, he felt the slickness of his natural hair oil, causing him to cringe. He shook his head in disbelief, glancing toward AJ. Grace had a way of making everything in his life stop. "Guess I should go get a shower, huh?"
"Might be a good idea. You know how she likes to run her hands through your hair."
"That's the only reason I cut my long hair... Her comment about it being unsettling that I use a hair iron more than she does really got to me..." Howie chuckled, though the pain was still evident in his eyes.
"Now that's love, D. You'll get her back."
Howie nodded as he stood, preparing to dash up the stairs for a quick shower. Only, he hesitated halfway to catch AJ's actually patient gaze. "What made you come over here?"
"I was worried about you."
"Honestly?"
"Swear to God."
Howie smiled with great appreciation. "That means a lot to me, Alex."
"I know. I'm just trying to be there for you liked I used to be."
"When you want it to be, your will and strength are absolutely amazing," Howie confided with another kind smile, dashing up the stairs.
AJ couldn't help but grin at the compliment Howie had bestowed upon him. It seemed like centuries since someone had actually said a kind word about his character. For the most part, everything worried about his bad behaviors, but Howie was actually able to see the good. So, AJ decided he'd stay until Howie got out of the shower. Maybe even take a ride with him to locate Grace.
Only, that thought was short lived as the front door opened softly. He immediately craned his neck to look for the source as Grace popped her head into the living room. She looked like a painful mess as her emerald eyes widened with apprehension. Her bottom lip was split off toward the corner of her mouth, marked with a red hand print that was fading into a series of colorful bruising. She limped awkwardly as she stepped in further in hopes to locate Howie and make a quick escape. "Is he here?" she asked.
"He's taking a shower... holy shit Grace, what the Hell happened to you?" AJ exclaimed quietly, getting to his feet.
"I'm pretty damn clumsy when music isn't playing," Grace answered with a careful shrug of her shoulders, tugging apprehensively on the bottom of her wrinkled t-shirt. After yesterday's rehearsal, Corinne had actually decided to teach Grace a lesson about stealing the limelight and embarrassing her in front of the other dancers, not to mention the fact that all the male dancers made sure Grace had their numbers just in case. The woman was surprisingly violent as she surprised Grace in the empty hallway, slapping her hard across the face before pushing her down the stairs. Grace was just thankful that she had ended up with a sprain instead of a break, refusing to admit that she had let someone get the upper hand again.
"Okay, that's bullshit. Tell me what happened--"
"I tripped down some stairs," Grace immediately defended, just wanting to collect a few things from her make-shift bedroom without Howie noticing. She had been spending the nights at George's house, but he couldn't provide everything for her.
"Grace--"
"Honestly, okay?" Grace interrupted again, slowly moving toward the stairs and gritting as she put pressure on the tender ankle. "Nothing's broken. I just need to get some stuff before Stranger--"
"He's worried about you. That guy even let his hair get all nasty because he only thought about you. Why can't you let him explain? He's not like me, he doesn't sleep with women without thinking--"
"I don't need an explanation, because nothing happened."
"He cares about you, Grace!"
"I know--"
"Then why are you avoiding him? It's killing him, you know, to have someone he cares about so much just dump him to the side like yesterday's garbage."
"I didn't dump him--"
"What do you call this? Not talking to him, staying at other people's houses, walking out of the studio when he comes in... what's that, Grace?"
"Avoidance."
"Why? Because he has morals and didn't want to fuck you? He wants to make love to you Grace, and that means a lot to him."
Grace's cheeks flushed pink with embarrassment as she turned to catch AJ removing his sunglasses from his soulful brown eyes. Only, she was hurt that the one of the hardest days in her life had been revealed to the whole group when she just wanted to forget. "God, is this like a big joke between all of you? Did you get a good laugh when he told you? I'm surprised Nick didn't give me a call to take Howie's place--"
"Stop. Don't even finish that sentence. It's not a joke because it's not funny. Howie is up there hurting in so many ways, Grace. If you think that was just your bad night, think again. It affects both sides," AJ interrupted with a deep frown. "Howie respects you more than any other man has before him and you're not used to it."
"Why do you even care?"
"Because when you came into Howie's life... I hadn't seen him so happy. Ever. He always put on a front but I always saw through it. He needs someone like you to feel complete."
"Someone like me who practically raped him the other night. Like he really needs another woman like that," Grace breathed with obvious regret, shaking her head to clear away AJ's actually soothing words. At that moment, she had no desire to retrieve whatever items she had come for, just wanting to leave again.
"What? You didn't--"
"Kit told me what Corinne did to Howie. I almost raped him."
"Grace, that's bullshit--"
"No, it's not. I made him strip me and..." Grace's throat tightened so she couldn't even muster the courage to finish her sentence. Furiously shaking her head, she limped toward the front door. This wasn't worth the pain.
"Wait!" AJ gently took her arm. "You didn't rape him. He wants to be intimate with you more than anything. He just has this belief about making love; you've got to understand that."
"AJ..."
"He wants to connect with you in ways you haven't even thought of. He wants to be with you. He wants to make love to you."
"You're trembling," Grace whispered, sidetracking off the important conversation like she was notorious for doing.
"We're talking about you and Howie--"
"There is no me and Howie, but you're shaking like a leaf."
"Yes there--"
"C'mere," Grace finally interrupted, pulling her arm away from AJ's grasp. He was about to reach for her again, but Grace wrapped him into her warm embrace. She rested her chin on his shoulder as she gently rubbed his back, calming the tremors immensely. "When Kit tried to quit before, she actually started seizing in bed... She crawled into my bed all the time and I just held her till it stopped... Having a warm body close to yours while you detox seems to help a lot..."
"Thank you..." AJ trailed off as he closed his eyes for a moment. "Grace, please... just give Howie another chance..."
"He's not the one that needs another chance," Grace answered softly as she continued to rub AJ's back, feeling his trembling significantly reduce into just a few passing shivers. She knew that she was the one that had to take full blame. And, when she accepted full blame, it made it easier for her to forget what happened. The emotions had just been so raw the past few days, but now the painful roots of her feelings were dying, making it easier to bear once again. "It's me that has to ask him for another chance, but I don't deserve it."
"Yes you do, because he will give it to you. He cares so damn much about you."
"Why do you care so much, AJ? What possibly changed in you since the last time we were at Devil's? In fact, what could have possibly changed since the last time you groped me in this very house?"
"Kitra and Howie. They made me realize in their own ways that I need to change for the better..."
"AJ--"
"You and Howie care about each other. Don't lose that."
"Shouldn't I say the same thing about you and Howie?"
"What do you mean?"
"He cares about you more so than he cares about me... If he cares about me... You were his best friend in the entire world, but you lost that when you turned away. You don't have any idea how much it hurts to watch someone you love fall apart. Do everything that is so wrong for them when you just want to hold them and protect them from everything. I'm so glad that you're deciding to stop drinking and recreational drug use, although you probably won't admit it... Just realize how much it effects Howie before you start talking to me about how much I'm hurting him."
"Grace... I've realized a lot lately... That's why I'm trying to help Howie for all the times he tried to help me."
"Good," Grace answered, finally withdrawing her arms away from AJ. She patted his back briefly before cupping his face into her hands. She really had to get what she needed and leave before Howie became aware of her presence. She wasn't ready to confront him in order to forget, though she knew it was important to her career and his life. "If you keep trembling like that, just have Kit hold you, preferably bare skin to bare skin."
"I don't think I'll have a problem doing that..."
"Somehow I'm not surprised."
