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"Feeling better?" AJ inquired of his lover, looking over the top of the newspaper to see Holly pouring herself a fresh cup of coffee. She was dressed in a pair of skinny black jeans and a white tank top with one of the local punk band designs. She looked refreshed with her short blonde locks lightly dampened by her early morning shower. Though her beautiful face glowed from the recent love making of the morning. He had awoke to hearing the water running from their master bathroom. So, he had eagerly joined her for the shower, making sure to devote time to assuring her needs were met before leaning under the gently cascading warm waters to reunite their bodies.

"Much," Holly smiled softly, tucking a strand of hair behind her pierced ear as she sat down at the table next to him. Her bare foot creeped up his leg and massaged the back of his calf.

"I'm glad," AJ approved with his own chershire grin, reaching down to tickle her bare foot before bringing his own cup of cooling coffee to his lips. Making a face at the sour taste, he excused himself to pour a new cup. "You hungry?"

"Starving. You always work up my appetite," Holly giggled, reaching for the comic section of the morning paper.

"Got to make good use of my free time till this new album hits," AJ retorted with a chuckle, collecting a variety of items from the fridge to make breakfast for his lover. He decided that pancakes sounded delicious this morning and chocolate chips could be added for when Baylee woke. And blueberries for Stacia. She loved blueberries... Muffins especially... Maybe he could whip up a quick batch...

"You're going to spoil me with all this random love-making... what am I going to do while you're on tour?" Holly inquiered, pouring her usual amount of sugar and cream into her coffee.

"Learn how to do phone sex properly."

"Alex!"

"What?!"

"Phone sex is disgusting--"

"Phone sex is nothing compared to those romance novels you're always reading--"

"Hey, I've used some of those ideas in the bedroom and I never heard you complain!"

"Exactly! So why can't you relay them on the phone?"

"Because," Holly stood up and wrapped her arms around him from behind, her fingers playing with his '69' tattoo. "I like the... physical aspects of love making."

"Well, so do I," he grunted, continuing to furiously stir the pancake batter though she teased him just the same. His entire body blazed with excitement at her playfulness, knowing that it was all he could do to keep himself from wisking her upstairs once more. "But when we have miles between us, we're going to need to figure something out. Unless you want me to buy a blow-up doll--"

"Alexander James McLean!" Holly burst in shock, her hands smacking his backside.

"Damn, you're so fucking easy to tease," AJ laughed, though he jerked a little at the stinging sensation evading his jean-clad backside.

"That was not funny--"

"It was hysterical!"

"Alexander--"

"I love you."

"Yeah?"

"I love you very much," AJ promised, pouring a few rounds of pancakes onto the buttered pan before moving away from the stove. Wrapping his arms around her waist, he pulled her close to press a soft kiss to her open mouth. "You're my everything, Holls. Since the beginning."

"And to the end," Holly added to the promise, resting her arms around around his inked neck. "I love you, too."

"I'm thinking that you'll be touring with me anyway. Brian always has Baylee and Leighanne with him. Howie will most certainly have Leigh after the wedding and all... We'll work it out. So don't worry, alright? You'll get wrinkles."

"Alright," Holly rolled her eyes with a smile as they kissed once more. "Better watch the pancakes. You have a tendency to burn them."

"Like everything you make doesn't smoke the house," AJ snorted, though he flipped the pancakes nonetheless. "I was always grateful when Stace came to stay, because it meant good food."

"Once she gets rid of the jetlag, I'm sure she'll be making meals," Holly poked his side.

"Thank God, though I don't know if the jetlag is going to wear off when she's crying at night."

"I'm going to kill your best friend... you know that, right?"

"I don't know if it is all entirely Brian's fault."

"Who else would be at fault?"

"I looked up those drugs last night. Ativan is for extreme anxiety and panic attacks. Ambien is something to help insomnia--"

"I still don't understand why Brian isn't to blame... she told him the medication was from all the stress at work--"

"What would cause her to have panic attacks?"

"I don't know why she would have panic attacks, Alex," Holly stressed, collecting the finished pancakes and taking them back to the table she had already set. Adding a libral amount of butter and syrup, she stabbed at the fluffy pancakes before shoving a forkful into her mouth. "She hasn't told me about anything that would cause panic attacks."

"Something happened, Holls. That's all I'm saying," AJ turned off the burner and sat down at the table, dishing up some pancakes.

"She would have told me if something horrible had happened," Holly continued to disagree, taking a long swallow of her coffee while her mind churned with possibilities. It was as if AJ were referring to the break-in as proof that something else had occured. But hadn't the break-in been a random pervert?

"Are you sure?"

"She's my best friend, she would--"

"I think if it were something horrible enough to cause panic attacks that she might be afraid to tell you. Hell, she knows how stressed you get about the little things. Like when that one drunk in the ER gave her a black eye--"

"I don't get stressed! I get worried about her. God forbid I should worry--"

"Holls, I'm not bitching at you for worrying about her. But you tend to get...overworked... You were rough on Brian last night because of it--"

"He wanted the truth, and I gave it to him. I wasn't going to sugarcoat it and from the way he slammed the door last night, you got on his case as well."

"I said some shit that he didn't agree with."

"And you were blunt about it, weren't you?"

"Holls--"

"I'm glad you gave him a load of Hell. He deserves it," Holly huffed, not bothering to wait for her lover's plea. "He was absolutely horrible the last time Staci came to visit. When he kissed her like that, I thought it was finally going to happen..."

"He's married, Holls... Unless he files for divorce, nothing is going to happen between them..."

"Then why doesn't he divorce the bitch? She makes him absolutely miserable!"

"I think he's scared of her."

"Scared? Of her?"

"You asked for my opinion."

"But why would he be scared of her?"

"You've seen the bruises on that man the past couple of months. Whenever he says that Leighanne and him have had a fight. I think she beats the living shit out of him. And he was taught never to hit a woman. So what do you expect?"

"He... how could she... I can't believe..." Holly trailed off, at a loss for words.

"He won't come out and admit it, but why would he?"

"He'd be ashamed..."

"He loves Staci. I know that he does. There's no denying it when you watch him talk about her. Especially during interviews."

"I know he does. I just wish there was something I could do."

"I don't know what you could do, Sweetheart," AJ murmured softly, reaching to pat her hand. "But I do think we should spend the day with our favorite daughter. She needs to get some shit and you know how much I love shopping... And dressing her..."

"Yeah, but this time you stay outside the dressing room," Holly raised an eyebrow.

"What?" AJ sputtered, unable to help the saucy grin crossing his face.

"I know you too well, Alexander--"

"One time and I'm shamed forever!"

"However," Holly pressed on, her foot creeping up his leg again. "If you're good, maybe you can come into my dressing room and help me try some things on..."

"But I've already seen all of that mess," AJ complained, grunting in shock when her foot kicked at his shin.

"I'm openly giving you a chance to be adventurous with me in a dressing room and you're blowing it!"

"I was kidding! Jesus Christ!"

"Make it up to me."

"How much money do you want this time?" AJ muttered, reaching into his back pocket for the leather wallet. When Holly shrieked with disgust, he grinned and hauled her into his arms. When she fought, he then tossed her onto his shoulder and hurried up the stairs. He had every intention of making love to her the entire morning.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Unconciousness had been the state of her mind that night, because it was nothing close to sleep. There were no dreams under the mask of medication. No men haunting the darkest depths of her mind, waiting to leap out and take her. Though ribbons of red spilling from her body while the man panted and grunted over her began to seep into her when the medication weaned. But movements against her side were quick to take hold of her consciousness. Snapping her eyes opened with every belief that she was in danger, she felt a cool sweat of relief break when she noticed Baylee sitting on her stomach. His thick platinum curls were wild from slumber and his light blue eyes sparkled with curiousity. "Morning Sweetheart."

"Mornin'," Baylee murmured, though he leaned over her to study the cut against the front of her throat and odd brusing pattern. He then took her hand and studied the array of bruising over the arm that had been wrenched by the assailant. "You got hurts."

"Just little hurts," Stacia assured, running her fingers through his curls.

"What happened?" Baylee questioned, his fingertips touching the cut. Stacia had managed to keep her neck hidden the night before, but with the warm weather in California, she would have to resort to other cover-ups.

"Just a little accident, Honey," Stacia cooed, shifting so she was propped against the head of the bed. Taking Baylee by slipping her hands beneath his arms and hauling him against her chest.

"You okay?" Baylee looked up into her eyes.

"I'm just fine. Especially with you in my arms."

"You love me?" Baylee asked hopefully.

"Too much," Stacia promised, kissing his forehead.

"Good. Love you, too."

"I was hoping so," Stacia smiled, hugging him tightly.

"I missed you," Baylee murmured softly, snuggling against her while the covers were brought around him. Curling a honey curl around his tiny fingers, he smiled. "You gonna stay 'fore awhile?"

"I sure am. We'll spend tons of time together, okay?"

"Okay."

"In fact... how about tomorrow... we go to the mall and the toy store?"

Sitting up immediately within Stacia's lap, Baylee's light blue eyes sparkled with delight. "Really? You buy me stuff? Though I'm not supposed to to ask! Please?!"

"A trip with you wouldn't be complete without spoiling you rotten," Stacia laughed, kissing his forehead. "I'll buy you some stuff, Bayster."

"Thank you, Staci!"

"You're more than welcome, Sweetheart."

"Wait! I got to potty!" Baylee announced suddenly, hopping off Stacia's lap with a sharp squeal.

"Well rush!" Stacia laughed, watching Baylee hurry into the guest bathroom and hurriedly slam the door behind him. The child was so unbelievably goofy. Of course, he got that from his father. So, he couldn't have been more adorable. So, carefully climbing out of the large bed, she gathered the terry robe around her aching body. "Bay, I'm going to go downstairs and start breakfast for us. Okay?"

"C'n we have choco chip pancakes, Staci?"

"Of course! Can't want pancakes without the choco chips! Come down to the kitchen when you're done, alright?"

"Okay! Gotta choke the potty first!"

"Such a goofball," Stacia murmured to herself with a small laugh, heading out of the guest room and down the steps. Bare feet padding into the kitchen, she noticed the ingrediants for pancakes waiting on the island counter with a note. Plucking the note from beneath the bottle of Pepsi, she briefly read Holly's flowing handwriting. It seemed that Holly and AJ would be out for the day and she was supposed to relax at home. AJ had always been sporadic with his romantic plans.

Grabbing the necessary bowls and egg beater, Stacia got to work making Baylee's favorite pancakes. Soon she heard small feet pattering down the stairs and into the kitchen. "Done choking the potty, Baby?"

"Mmhmm!" Baylee answered, climbing onto the barstool with some effort. He grunted and groaned, but managed to seat himself without help. And, pushing up onto his knees, he snuck a handful of chocolate chips.

"Don't think I didn't see you, Mr. Baylee," Stacia warned, watching the child out of the corner of her eye.

"I know," Baylee promised with a messy grin. "But you let me!"

"I just can't resist your charm," Stacia shook her head and laughed, kissing his cheek. "When the batters ready, add the chips, okay?"

"If I got some left," Baylee promised with a nod, offering a salute.

"You might want to save some if you want choco chip pancakes--"

"Uncle J always has more!"

"I don't know... you and Aunt Holly sure love choco chips--"

"That just means that Uncle J has lots of them!"

"You are so stubborn sometimes," Stacia shook her head, hiding a smile.

"You love me," Baylee decided, adding fistfuls of chocolate chips when Stacia motioned for him to do so. He grinned with delight when a plentiful supply was mixed into the batter and squealed when the batter was dripped into the pan. He continued to share secrets with Stacia while the pancakes cooked. And, when she helped him serve the pancakes onto plates, he hurried toward the breakfast nook. "Smells good!"

"Because we made them!" Stacia agreed, kissing the top of his head as they sat down to their plates of food.

Only, after cutting up Baylee's pancakes, the doorbell chimed. Not wanting to interupt the boy's meal, she insisted that he eat and excused herself. Playing with the belt cinched at her waist, she moved toward the foyer. The edges had loosened to reveal the swell of clevage, but she hadn't noticed. Instead, she opened the door and felt her heart plummet at the sight of Brian. "...Hey..."

"Hey... I came to pick up Scooper. Am I too early?" Brian forced back to urge to wet his lips at the sight of her in a robe. She could make a paper bag look sexy.

"He's just eating breakfast right now..." Stacia trailed, stepping back to let the man into the house. She could only remember the feel of his soft lips pushing against hers in the dimly lit club. His tongue eagerly parting her lips while pushing her toward a nearby wall. Her entire body had warmed at the touch of his body against hers. How she wanted him...

"Did he give you any trouble during the night?" Brian tried to make conversation as they walked back towards the kitchen. After the conversation with AJ and Holly, he had barely slept in his empty home. True to her word, Leighanne was gone yet again.

"He cuddled with me all night. No problems whatsoever," Stacia assured, hesitating on entering the kitchen when she heard Baylee singing to his pieces of pancakes. "He's an angel."

"That's good..." Brian trailed off, fidgeting with his hands as he tried to find the right words to say. "Staci, I just want to say I'm so--"

"I dropped my medication on the floor. It's not your fault that you picked it up for me and read the names," Stacia was quick to intervene, not wanting him to blame himself. From what Holly had mentioned, his home life was not all that pleasant.

"I just get worried about you, all alone in Philadelphia in a not-so-decent neighborhood..."

"I don't mind living by myself..." Stacia murmured encouraginly, leaning against the wall when Brian made no move to enter the kitchen. "Well, I didn't mind living by myself..."

"So they don't know who could have broken into your apartment? No leads at all?"

"They don't have any kind of clue as to who did it," Stacia murmured, gesturing toward the living room when she realized Brian was more interested in talking than picking up Baylee. She curled herself onto the end of the touch, tucking her feet beneath her, and started to play with the belt of the robe. She could only remember how incredibly frightened she was when she noticed the broken lock on her front door. Then the devastation lurking inside. Every single photograph of her with the guys had been shredded. Slurs had been carved into her walls. Mirrors broken. Her intimate items missing. And a wedding chapel's advertisement left on her coffee table with withered roses.

"I'm sorry that it happened to you... at least you weren't home when the bastard broke in," Brian tried to reassure her, even if it was only slightly.

"Yeah, I think he would have had too much fun if I had been home..."

"He just took personal things? Nothing valuable like jewelry or money?"

"He took some of my jewelry. But it wasn't the expensive jewelry. Just my favorite jewelry. The stuff I wear all the time, y'know? Like the bracelet you bought me in Ireland."

"Oh, Staci-Gracie..."

"I know it only cost about ten dollars, but it was one of my favorite bracelets..."

"Sweetheart..." Brian trailed, awed that she had even kept the bracelet. It had been a whim when they were walking the streets of Ireland. He had taken her with him during one of the tours. She had been so excited, since her ancestry was Irish. And, while admiring the small shops, her eyes had been drawn to a Claddah bangle bracelet made of silver with an emerald heart. It had matched her eyes so beautifully. He couldn't resist purchasing it.

"It just..." Sighing heavily, Stacia allowed the robe to shrug off her bare shoulders, draping about her elbows. She knew that the man who attacked her in the alley had found her home...

"It just what?" Brian pressed gently. It had been so long since they had actually talked, though he wished it was under better circumstances.

"What kind of idiot breaks into my house and steals my panties and stuff? He rifled through my dirty clothes and took stuff from there too... It's... I guess I should just be thankful I have friends in Malibu, huh?"

"Yeah... Stace... are you sure you don't know of anyone who would break into your place?"

"No, I don't," she whispered, unable to tell him what had happened.

"Well, at least you're safe here. None of us will let anything happen to you," Brian reached out and tentatively placed a hand on her shoulder.

"I'm sure Holly would murder Alex if he let anything happen to me," Stacia gaurenteed with a small smile, reaching up to brush her fingers gently over his wrist. She couldn't stand to be parted from him, even though he had shattered her heart at her last vacation.

"I think she would murder any of us if something happened to you," Brian chuckled. He scooted over and brought her into his arms for a gentle hug.

"I missed you," Stacia whispered after a moment, tucking her arms beneath his and embracing him. She tucked her chin into the crook of his neck, inhaling the sweet scent of his cologne. She had come to the realization that she needed him to be part of her life. No matter what form he took, she needed him. Especially now. When she feared the world. "I'm sorry about last time."

"I missed you, too," Brian replied, running his fingers through her curls. It had been so long since she was in his arms. "You shouldn't be sorry... I should. I crossed the line and--"

"I think you should kiss me like that more often," she teased, feeling the fiery warmth of a blush crossing his face.

"I didn't think about what I was doing--"

"I know. Otherwise it never would have happened."

"Staci-Gracie--"

"We go through this every single time we see each other," Stacia groaned, pulling away from his embrace. Gathering the robe about her once more, it was all she could do to keep the tears from falling. "You know how I feel about you."

"I know, but--"

"You're married."

"Yes, I am."

"And I know that. I accept that. I always have."

"I know you do..." Brian sighed heavily, his heart torn between keeping up the facade and telling her the truth.

"We've always made better friends anyway."

"You're my best friend, Staci-Gracie."

"I love you too," she promised, leaning over to place a soft kiss on his cheek.

"Always," he smiled, kissing her forehead.

"I'm just going to have to start dating Nick, since I can't get any other Backstreet Boy," she sighed dramatically.

"You're funny," he groaned with a roll of his eyes.

"He wants me bad, B."

"You'd really date him?"

"He's a good looking guy and he's funny... Why wouldn't I date him?"

"Because it's Nick?"

"What's wrong with him?"

"It's Nick," Brian repeated, not sure if he could phrase his feelings any differently. He knew that deep inside he would hate any man that stole Stacia's heart. But Nick was a special case. Nick was his best friend and knew how much Brian cared about her. She was untouchable.

"He's your best friend, B."

"Right... and you're my best friend... Nick is... he's not as mature as you. He doesn't take relationships seriously."

"Maybe I just need a carefree relationship right now."

"I... I just don't think dating him is a good idea--"

"Why?"

"Because it's Nick--"

"You already said that."

"I know but--"

"If Vin Diesel calls me first, I'm sure I'll accept, but if not, I'm going to have to go with what becomes available. Maybe I need a good guy to protect me and hold me and love me--"

"I can do that just as well as any other guy."

"You're married."

"That doesn't matter!"

"So you're suggesting an affair?"

"No! But as a friend, I can still do those things."

"Sometimes just having great guy friends isn't enough," Stacia muttered, hating that she felt so lonely without having someone to love her. She had never been interested in dating since Brian had gotten married. Too afraid of being hurt. But, when she was attacked in the dead of night, she started to wonder if it was her fault. If she had been dating someone, how easy would it have been for him to pick her up? To keep her safe.

"Staci, that's not fair. I can't cheat on my wife--"

"I'm not asking you to cheat on Leighanne!"

"Then why can't I be enough?"

"Why are you asking me to be alone for the rest of my life? Why is it that you're allowed to be married and raise a family? Be blissfully married? And I'm forced to be barren."

"Blissfully married? You think I'm blissfully married? I never see my wife, Staci. She leaves for days at a time, leaving me alone with Baylee."

"Who's fault is that, Brian?"

"Staci--"

"I asked you to not marry her, Brian. I pleaded with you to reconsider. That I could make you so happy. But you still married her. I'm sorry that I can't sympathize with you having an unhappy marriage. But just because you made a horrible choice doesn't mean that I have to be miserable for the rest of my life. I deserve to have a man who loves me unconditionally. When I'm alone, I get hurt. I can't do it anymore."

"Staci--"

"You're my best friend, Brian. You always will be. But if someone comes along... I don't want to be alone."

"But you're not alone..."

"I feel like I am."

"Staci..."

"It's been a rough couple of weeks, B," Stacia murmured, hating that all their conversations turned so tense nowadays. It wasn't fair. She just wanted to have him in her life, yet everything turned so complicated. Forcing herself to calm, she rested her head in his lap and put his hands on her forehead. Ignoring the sensation of the cold gold wedding ring, she pushed herself to be comforted. "I just want you right now."

"I think I can do that," Brian replied softly, running his fingertips over her forehead and through her scalp. He remembered doing this after she had a long day at school or work.

"It feels like I haven't slept for a century," she continued to explain, though she wouldn't delve into why it had been so hard to sleep. Or why she needed to take anti-depressants to keep from harming herself.

"You've had it rough lately," Brian sympathized, deciding not to press her at the moment. He just wanted her to relax.

"I heard you have too..."

"It hasn't been easy living with Leighanne, but I make sure Scooper's not around to see anything--"

"I'm not sure you can shield him from all the hate in your house, Sweetheart. He's such a smart kid. He picks up on more than you realize."

"Has he told you anything?"

"He says you're sad a lot and Leighanne is never home. But when she is home, she doesn't want to play, she just yells."

"Oh, no..." Brian sighed heavily. He had tried so hard to protect his son from what was going on.

"He can spend as much time with me as he wants," Stacia offered, catching one of his hands to twine their fingers.

"Are you sure you don't mind? I just hate him having memories like this at such a young age... and he loves you to pieces..."

"Anytime the squirt wants to be with me is fine."

"Thank you so much, Staci-Gracie," he sighed softly, kissing her knuckles.

"I'd do anything for Baylee. You know that. But you have to promise to spend time with us too."

"Of course. Like I'd miss out on Staci and Baylee time."

"And maybe some Staci and Brian time?"

"Yeah?" He looked down at her with a smile.

"If you want to?"

"I would love to."