Nick's hand was gripped so tightly on the handle of the door that his knuckles were turning white and he so badly wanted to move into the room and question her about what the hell was going on but his feet just wouldn’t seem to move, just like his mouth refused to work. The scene in front of him couldn’t be real because if it was that meant that she was pregnant, but the sound of the strong recurrent whooshing coming from the machine was confirmation enough, the look on her face was just the bonus.

She was completely ashen as she looked at him with wide eyes before turning her head away, her eyes closing as she took in a deep breath. She quickly tried to cover up her stomach, plunging the room into an awkward silence when the sound of the heartbeat abruptly stopped. The Doctor looked questioningly to her patient and then at Nick before slowly turning back to Adie, how was now fiddling with the hem of her scrub top, avoiding all eye contact with Nick. Yes this was all totally real and he had caught her red handed.

The doctor was first to break to stifling silence by addressing Adie, “Just take it easy for the rest of the week ok? And I’ll see you in two weeks for your next check up.” She then proceeded to turn the machine off and make her way passed Nick with an uncomfortable smile, he stepped further into the room and let the door close behind him but remained silent. What the hell was he supposed to say? Asking her at that point just seemed stupid, of course she was pregnant, that much was obvious and anyway he wasn’t the one who had been caught keeping secrets. She had been, so surely she should be the one to talk first, to explain what the hell was going on but it was at the moment Nick had a shocking thought, What if it’s not mine? If that was the case it would explain why she had left in the manner she did, why she was so adamant about not getting back together with him. Now all he had to do was ask.

“Is…” he hesitated, he knew the question would either crush his world or they would end up arguing with each other but he just had to know and so with a deep breath he tried again, “Is…is it mine?

As soon as her head snapped towards him, her eyes dark, her glare and whole body language seem to make him freeze to where he was, he knew it was going to end in an argument.

She shook her head at him and with a scoff asked him, “How dare you ask me that? Of course it’s yours.”

“Well what the hell am I supposed to think?!” he exclaimed, “Three weeks ago you left me with no explanation and now you're pregnant.”

“At least now you can’t accuse me of trying to trap you,” she shot back as she threw her legs over the side of the gurney before she slipped her feet into her crocs.

He let her words sink in as he leant back against the wall and watched as she gathered up her things, she was so pissed off now, she only ever threw things around, slammed things and huffed when she was angry and could he really blame her? He had just accused her of sleeping around behind his back and ending up pregnant, he knew she wasn’t like that, that was who he had been, he was the cheater, he was the commitment phobic, not her.

“I’m sorry,” He apologised when she threw her bag over her shoulder.

“Why are you even here?” She asked.

“I’m still on your contact sheet.”

“Well just go because I don’t want you here, I don’t want you anywhere near me,” she told him but he knew she didn’t mean it due to the fact that she couldn’t look at him when she told him and also in the tone of her voice, it sounded like she was going to break into sobs.

“You hit your head, you can’t go alone,” he told raising an eyebrow in cockiness as he remembered what she had told him in this very room not two weeks ago. She shook her head at him again before trying to walk past him but Nick was quicker and lightly grabbed her arm so she couldn’t leave.

“Let go of me,” she warned looking to him for the first time since he had accused her of being unfaithful and all he wanted to do was reach down and brush the tears away, to wrap her in his arms and never let her go but he knew right now it wouldn’t be appreciated and would end up pushing her further away.

“No. You’re not going home by yourself so you have to two choices you can come home with me or I can call your sister. I’m sure she would be very interested in what’s been going on,” he said letting go of her arm and crossing his over his chest.

She met his eyes for a few seconds and he could tell she was thinking about calling what she thought was a bluff but obviously decided against it, “Fine,” she relented as she walked through the doors and out to the parking lot.

The car ride home was in complete silence with Adie just pretending to ignore the fact that Nick was sat beside her but he kept catching her glancing sideways at him, averting her eyes when he looked over to her. He wanted to say something, to break the icy tension that had wrapped itself around them but he found that he just couldn’t find anything to say, his eyes occasionally drifting to her abdomen, the only thought swirling in his head was that she was pregnant. Right in there was a baby but not only a baby, it was their baby, HIS baby, a tiny human being who he was responsible for, a human being who he had created.

The thought alone should have scared the crap out of him, should have made him flee as soon as he opened the door and spied what was happening, should have sent his world into utter turmoil but instead here he was driving Adie home, the scariest part of all of this was that he actually felt calm, that he didn’t want to run. It was totally unexpected because he had always thought that any women delivering this news to him would have been catastrophic, he had never thought he would be in a place in his life where this news would not want to make him run for the hills but yet here he was.

“I think I’m going to be sick,” she said suddenly disturbing him from his thoughts.

“You want me to pull over?” He asked already signalling when she began to nod her head and as soon as the car stopped she swung the door open and leant out so she could let the contents of her stomach escape. He unbuckled his seat belt and leant over rubbing her back to try and soothe the heaves and after a few moments she sat back in her seat. “You want to go back to the hospital?” he asked when she shut the door.

“It’s just morning sickness,” she said with her eyes closed as she tried to strive off another attack.

“Are you sure? I mean you did hit your head couldn’t it be concussion?”

“I’m fine,” she reiterated sounding pissed off.

“Alright,” Nick conceded as he pulled away and once again they were submerged into the ice cold tension, neither knowing what to say to the other, neither understanding how it had come to this.

“No, uh uh, I’m not staying here,” she told him when she realised where he had taken her as he pulled the car into the circular drive of their home, well his home now. How had she not realised he had been driving towards the house? It was completely in the opposite direction of Chelle’s and yet she hadn’t noticed, she had been to transfixed on him, about his whole reaction to the news to even realise.

“Well where else are we going to go?” he asked as he shut off the engine and took the keys out of the ignition.

“Take me to Chelle’s,” she told him crossing her arms over her chest.

“Chelle’s working tonight and you can’t be on your own.”

“You can crash on the couch or in Chelle’s bed if you insist on staying but I already told you I don’t need a babysitter I’m fine,” she replied harshly.

“And I already told you I can call Rachel if you want,” he retaliated.

“Why are you doing this?” She softly asked as a few tears fell from her eyes but she recoiled when he reached out to wipe them away, hating the hurt look that spread across his face when she did.

He sighed as he pulled his hand back, “Because we need to talk, because this just isn’t about you and me anymore. Now we can stay out here in the car or we can go inside where it’s comfier.”

She wiped at her eyes and looked to the house in front of her before she unbuckled her belt and opened the door climbing out of the car. He waited until she slammed the door shut before he made his move to get out and by that time she was already waiting at the front door. He opened it and signalled for her to go on in but she only made a few small steps and then hesitated in the hallway.

“You want a drink or something to eat?” He asked and she shook her head no as she followed him into the living room and he knew she purposely sat on the opposite couch to him. He watched her for a few seconds, she was looking around the living room, her hands in her lap picking at her nails, avoiding all eye contact with him and he realised she was totally uncomfortable around him. She was almost acting like a small child who had been caught doing something naughty and was now going to have to suffer the consequences and in a way she was. She had left him without a decent explanation, had kept this pregnancy from him and he had found out about it and not by her, so she had some major explaining to do. He had every right to be completely pissed off with her, to rant at her, to never trust her again and yet all he wanted to do was wrap his arms around her and tell her it was all going to be okay.

“I…” she started but stopped suddenly.

“You what?” he asked softly leaning his elbows on his knees as he leant forward slightly.

“I didn’t mean for you to find out like you did.”

“I know you didn’t. How long have you known?” He asked.

“About two and half weeks,” she mumbled her eyes now focused on her own hands in her lap.

“So you didn’t know when you left?” he asked and she shook her head no, “If you…would you…would you have left if you had known?” He asked.

“Nick,” she sighed.

“Just answer me.”

“It’s not about that,” she tried.

“Would you have left me if you knew you were pregnant?” he asked again ignoring her last comment and the moment she looked at him he knew her answer.

“Yes I think I would have,” she admitted.

“Why?” He asked slightly choked at her confession.

“Because you don’t want this. You told me enough times and don’t try and lie to me or to yourself by trying to tell me that you are okay with this now because I know you’re not,” She told him truthfully.

“Well I’m here aren’t I? I could have easily left you in the ER today, walked away and I haven’t. So what does that say about me? He tried, getting up from where he was sitting and walking around the coffee table to sit in front of her on it.

“It doesn’t say anything Nick, it doesn’t change anything, you know, we both want different things. I want to be happy and I haven’t been for long time,” she admitted.

“Are you happy now?” He asked, “Because I don’t think you are.”

She ran her hand through her hair and looked away from him, choosing to remain quiet for a few moments before she answered, “I never expected…maybe things haven’t turned out how I would like but I…I’m going to be a Mom and I’m excited about that.”

“We could be family Adie, I know that’s what you want. In like what Seven months? We could have worked through all this, we could have put this all behind us and we could be a proper family,” he told her softly taking her hand in his, lightly brushing his thumb across her knuckles.

“Five months,” she corrected.

“What?” He asked slightly shocked.

“She’s due in November,” she told him as she looked directly into his eyes. She wasn’t expecting the reaction she saw in them though and instead of them frowning in realisation they actually grew wide and sparkled.

“It’s a girl?” he asked a small smile spreading across his face.

“Please don’t do this Nick,” She begged.

“Don’t do what?” he asked.

“Act like your okay with this now, make me think that I’ve made a mistake,” she told him pulling her hand out of his as she wiped at her tears.

“Do you think that you’ve made a mistake?” he asked hopefully.

“I don’t…no. No I haven’t because…the reality hasn’t sunk in for you yet, when it does…when you realise what this all means you’ll close off just like you always do.”

“So I can’t change? In your eyes I am always going to be like this, you can’t give me the benefit of the doubt that I can change?” he asked starting to get slightly angry.

“We’ve been together for three years and you still haven’t let me in, why now would you suddenly change?” She asked watching when he stood from the table and moved away from her.

“I don’t know? Maybe because I have finally grown up and realised I need to let people in, maybe because being closed off has finally cost me something I didn’t think I could loose? I love you and I want to be with you and I…I was scared Adie,” he admitted.

“About what?” She asked.

“Of losing you.”

“But you have lost me, you didn’t trust me enough and now you have lost me Nick,” she told him firmly.

“You say it's about me not trusting you but what have you done lately to deserve that trust Adie? How did you think that you leaving would gain that trust? Instead of sticking by me, of trying to help me get over stuff by coming to therapy like you said you would you left. You left me a fucking note to come home to,” he said pointing in the direction of the kitchen, he almost yelled. “Do you know how much that hurt? Do you know what it felt like?”

“Well do you know what it feels like to have someone who is supposed to love you shut you out?” She yelled back, “Do you know how frustrating it is when all you want to do it help but you can’t? To love someone so much and them not feel the same way about you?”

“I do love you,” he told her.

“No you love the idea of me, of us and of us being a family once this baby is born.”

“You know this is exactly what you didn’t want, I’m giving you a chance to have your dream of being a happy family.”

“How the hell are we going to be a happy family Nick?” She asked with a laugh. “You see this as a way of us getting back together but eventually you’ll end up resenting all this and it will all end up being my fault because you felt pressured into being okay with this because of the baby.”

“It’s always about me isn’t it? It’s always about me being to closed minded, not trusting, reluctant to do anything, reluctant to share things with you, when you haven’t really been that truthful have you?” he threw back at her.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?

“Well you kept all this from me, you say that you only found out a few weeks ago but you’re four months pregnant Adie, that’s what at least three missed periods? I saw you at least twice after you supposedly found out and you didn’t tell me, if I hadn’t of walked in on you today how long would it have been till you told me? When you went into labour? After it was born? On her eighteenth fucking birthday?! He screamed.

“I was going to tell you!” She exclaimed, “Yeah I suspected for a while before but I haven’t exactly been myself for a while I know you haven’t noticed because you’ve been to preoccupied with yourself but I was hurting Nick and you were acting like everything was okay when it hasn’t been for a long time.”

“Everybody has problems, lots of people hit this point in relationships where you want different things and some people actually make it through to the other side Adie, we can work through this,” He tried again.

“Like your parents did Nick?” She chastised, “This baby hasn’t even been born yet and we’re already arguing and I’m sorry but if your parents problems were the catalyst for you shutting everyone out then…I won’t allow that to happen to our child.”

“You know nothing about that,” he told her his tone low.

“I wonder why,” she sarcastically added.

“You are such a fucking hypocrite Adrianna.”

The use of her full name caught her attention partly due to his dangerous tone of voice but mainly because she couldn’t actually remember a time he had ever called her by it. That name was reserved for her Grandparents, for when her Mother was angry with her, in formal settings, never ever from him and she knew that calling him on his familial problems had struck a nerve.

“I’m a hypocrite?” She asked.

“You say you want me to change, that you want me to open up to you, that you wanted a family with me but I think you are the one who is in love with the whole idea of that.” She tried to protest but he carried on, “I asked you to come to therapy with me, I didn’t bolt when I found out about this baby and I’m here now telling you I’m okay with this whole situation, that I still trust you even after you kept this from me, even after you left me in a note. I’m offering you exactly what you say you want, I’m willing to change and take a chance, and yeah maybe I should have done this a long time ago, but here it all is, all laid out in front of you and you’re turning it all down and I think I know why.”

“Why then? Why am I doing it?” She asked with a shrug as she herself stood.

“Because you’re scared to fail. Right now you can blame this whole thing on me and my lack of commitment, and my lack of trust, Nick’s issues caused us to fail but if I change, if I work on my issues and we still fail? Then it becomes about you too. Then your perfect, happy idealistic life which you strive to have will be ripped away from you but this way conceding to failure before you’ve actually tired, it just makes it that bit easier. That way you haven’t lost something that you loved because you never got to live that life. So what does that say about you?”

Throughout his whole tirade Adie had shrunk into herself, crossing her arms against her chest, looking down to her feet in an effort to try and make him think that he was bang on the mark, in an effort to make him think that his words hadn’t got to her even though they had. Everything he had said was right, she was scared to fail, she was scared to be made to look like a fool, she knew she had an idealistic view of what life should be like but it still didn’t stop her wanting it. Over the past few years though she had grown slightly more cynical, her line of work making her realise how cruel life could really be, the house with the white picket fence and the whole two point four children now was no longer the norm, she knew that now. She had realised that not long after Mark had cheated but with Nick, well she had thought she had found her white knight, that had all changed though. So why try when it was all doomed to failure anyway? Why let failure have a chance? At least this way she couldn’t have everything ripped away from her.

“You got nothing to say to that?” He asked cockily.

“You’re wrong,” she tried to tell him but she knew he wouldn’t buy it.

“I don’t think I am. I know you still love me Adie because I can see it in the way you look at me and I could feel it when you kissed me back earlier and I still love you and I’m always going to love you and I’m sorry if I haven’t been the best at showing it, but I am here right now telling you. I can’t make you come back to me, I can’t make you carry on loving me, I can’t be the only one to make changes in my life and I can’t and I won’t make myself stop loving you but I will tell you this. No matter how much you hate the fact and no matter how much you don’t want me in your life I am still your baby’s Father and I am going to be there for her.”