Adie sat in her usual position in the love seat and watched as Nick grabbed the coke and bottle of water out the mini fridge in the corner of the room, turning to her only after he had shut the door.

“You want anything baby?” he asked as he handed the bottle of water to Rebecca but she shook her head no. Was it wrong that she felt jealous of Rebecca? The way he had just handed her the water without even asking if she wanted anything and the way he so casually just helped himself to everything made her envy all this women must know about the man she had spent the last three years and eleven months with. That was what they were here to get past Adie remembered as she nervously played with the fabric of the loveseat.

“So as this is you session Adie I’m assuming you asked Nick to come with you?” Rebecca questioned as she sat on the larger of the couches as Nick took his sat down across from the love seat. Again Adie nodded only just realising how hard this session was actually going to be, wondering whether she had made a mistake and asked him to come too early. “Is there something in particular you wanted to discuss in this session?”

“I don’t know,” She answered almost sheepishly.

“Okay. You’re the one that invited Nick so you’re obviously ready to talk with him about some things you find difficult but only you can decide what you need to tell him today,” Rebecca prompted.

“I just want to get everything out, I don’t want there to be secrets or…I want him to know everything,” Adie told Rebecca, consciously avoiding Nick’s eyes as she played with the long beaded necklace that was hanging around her neck.

“Okay. We only have an hour session though so I don’t think there is going to be time for everything today,” She joked making both of them laugh. “Why don’t we set rules first?”

“Like what?” Nick asked as he reclined back in his seat crossing one of his legs over his knee. He looked so relaxed, then again she was going to be the one sharing today so he didn’t have anything to be on edge about really. Maybe it would have been better to go to one of his sessions, for him to open up first. It was too late though.

“Like when one of is talking you the other lets you finish, no raised voices, no swearing, no getting up and walking out if things get to hard to hear,” she said looking at Adie, “ And no clamming up,” she said her gaze falling on Nick.

“Okay,” they both replied in unison.

“Is there some place you want to start Adie? Something you want to ask Nick?”

“I don’t know where to start, there is so much stuff swirling around in my head,” she answered honestly. “Sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologise. What you want to do, what you want to speak about can be very daunting and from what you’ve told me you’ve repressed a lot this stuff for a long time, so don’t expect it to be easy okay? Would it help if Nick were to ask you questions?” Rebecca asked.

“Yeah maybe.”

“Nick is there something you want to ask Adie? To share with her? How you feel?”

Adie turned her head to Nick and was glad that she had chosen to wear her hair down that morning as her fringe gave her something to hide her eyes behind slightly. It gave her a small bit of protection, something she could hide behind because there was nothing here she could do that with and right at that moment all she wanted to was walk away because she knew anything he said or asked was going to be heard to deal with. Who had she been kidding? She wasn’t ready for this, she wasn’t ready to share, maybe in another month or two…but by then she would be so close to having their baby she knew it would be even harder. If she got this over with now she would be able to enjoy the rest of her pregnancy, they would be able to move on and be happy, but the hurt had to come before the happiness.

Nick took a long swig of his diet coke as he considered Rebecca’s questions but he didn’t look at Adie and when he spoke his next words it was like she wasn’t even there.

“There’s lots I want to say to her, I want to ask her why she left? Why she kept things from me? If she hurt as much as I did when she left?”

“Okay, but Adie is over there Nick and you need to HER those questions, not me,” Rebecca prompted.

“Why did you leave?” He asked quietly his gaze falling on her.

She carried on fiddling with the necklace around her neck as she answered, “You know why I left.”

“Because you weren’t happy?” he asked and she nodded. “So, why then? Why when I had started to open up to you? Why go when it looked like I was starting to make progress in that area?”

“Because…seeing…being back in London showed me-” she tried.

“Showed you what?” He demanded.

Rebecca stepped in, “Nick,” she warned as she looked to Adie, “It’s okay take your time, explain it in the best way you can and Nick you are going to let her finish, you are not going to jump in.”

Suddenly both eyes were on her again. “Being back in London, seeing Mark…it reminded me of everything I had tried to forget, it reminded me of every promise I had made to myself that I wasn’t keeping and it scared me,” she said her voice trailing off as she bought her legs up underneath herself.

“Why did it scare you?” Rebecca asked.

“Because when I looked at the life I was living back then to the life I had with you Nick, I couldn’t really see any difference, it was like I was headed down the same path. When I left London I promised myself I wouldn’t take back a cheater and yet I let you back in without much of a fight, I promised I wouldn’t settle and that I wouldn’t put my life hold for anybody because I mattered and so did my dreams and yet again I was for you,” she told him honestly.

“I never asked you to,” he replied crossing his arms over his chest defensively.

“Not outright you didn’t but since…it was good when you moved to Nashville and we were together but when…”

“What changed Adie?” Rebecca asked trying to get Adie to channel her focus.

She leant her cheek in her hand as she replied softly, “When you went back to work, it was like our relationship was put on the back burner, that all of a sudden I had to revolve around you, like you almost expected me to give up all I had worked for and be your shadow.”

She knew she had hit a nerve when he moved his eyes and stared out of the window, she had expected him to argue with her, to tell her that it wasn’t true so she was a little shocked when he admitted she was right.

“I’m sorry,” He said softly his gaze still focused outside.

“You know you do it?” Adie asked.

He nodded his head, “I’m…I’m used to people riding on my coat tales and wanting to be with me for the wrong reasons, everyone else’s agenda was seeing how much money they could get out of me, how many places I would fly them out to, you’re the very first person who I’ve been with who isn’t like that. I see how hard you work and how much you love your job and how great you are at helping people and I’m really proud of you for what you do-”

“You are?” She asked confused at his words.

“Of course I am,” he frowned. “I guess I just don’t really show you that I am. I’m so used to getting my way and that’s because people want to keep me happy so I’ll keep them around and if it meant they give up their own dreams then they did. You’ve never been like that and I think that’s one of the reasons why I love you because you don’t take any of my crap. But I know you have settled, I know how long you’ve wanted to start a family with me and I ignored the fact that you weren’t happy and put it down to the tour and being apart. Can I ask you a question?”

“Yeah.”

“Why didn’t you tell me straight away?” He asked softly almost as if he were afraid of the answer.

“That I was pregnant?” She clarified, trying to think of the right words to say when he nodded his head. “I was shocked. I thought you were going to come back at me with the whole trying to trap you,” she told him not missing the way his whole face blushed crimson. “But I was scared because…because it felt like history was repeating itself again and I didn’t know whether…whether…-” she sniffed as she took the tissue Rebecca offered.

“You thought I was going to be like Mark?”

“Yeah,” she cried, her tears now falling. “I couldn’t go through that again Nick and I just…I kept it to myself for as long as I did because I didn’t want to feel the way I felt back then.”

“How did you feel back then Adie?” Rebecca asked.

“I felt like…I hated myself, I felt like a complete fool because I trusted him and I shouldn’t have. I felt like the biggest hypocrite because my job was all about saving kids and I just killed one without even really thinking about it. I still hate myself for it and that’s why I couldn’t do it again,” she said before blowing her nose into the tissue.

“Did you think I would make you do that?” Nick asked and Adie couldn’t miss the hurt tone, the sadness in his eyes. She wanted to lie and tell him no, that she didn’t think he would but lying was what had gotten her into this mess and she knew that if they were to have any hope of making it through all this intact she had to be honest with him.

“Yes. Yes I did. You had made clear on more then one occasion that kids wasn’t really on your agen-”

“Not right then but I didn’t-”

“Rules Nick,” Rebecca warned and he sighed as he looked back to Adie and let her continue.

“You didn’t fill me with confidence Nick. Three months ago I caught you counting my pill to make sure I wasn’t trying to get pregnant behind your back, so what was I supposed to think?” She asked.

“Did you know when you left?” He asked sitting forward in his seat slightly, “I know I already asked you this but I don’t know whether I believe you.”

“No I didn’t know for certain,” she replied honestly her eyes remaining glued to his.

“But you had a feeling?” He asked his eyes turning a deeper shade of blue.

“Yeah. I think I tried to fool myself and put all the symptoms down to other things because I didn’t want to admit to myself that I was in the same mess as last time. That I had screwed up again.”

“So why did you push me away when I told you I was okay with everything? When I told you I wanted us to be a family?”

“I never thought you would ever except it like you did, I seriously thought it would get to a point and you would turn around and say that you weren’t ready,” she said wiping at the tears that were falling very freely. “If…by not letting you in there was no way you could do that, you couldn’t just walk away and leave me to do it all alone.”

“So what changed?” Rebecca asked.

“When Max was born,” she said looking at Rebecca. “Seeing him with you and how easily you took to him and settled him,” she said to Nick who threw her a small lopsided grin. “I realised I was being so selfish and that she’s your child too and that you’re not Mark because you are so much better then he is,” she told him hiccupping back a sob. “You are such a better person Nick and I almost pushed you away,” she cried into her hands, letting Nick pull her into his arms when he moved to sit next to her.

“You’ve made some really good progress today Adie,” Rebecca complimented.

“My Turn next week,” Nick said as he rubbed his hand up and down her arm as she managed to control her crying.

“I have some homework for you guys too. I want both of you to tell the other about something that scares you about your relationship and I also want you to tell each other something you love about each other that you’ve verbalised before. You don’t have to do it today but sometime before our next session okay?”

***

He opened one eye and groaned when he saw the neon numbers flashing 03:30. He closed his eye and tried to get back to sleep semi wondering why his body had chosen to wake at such an ungodly hour of the morning anyway and that was when he felt her poke him again, whispering his name more insistently. Why she was whispering he had no idea, it wasn’t like there was anybody apart from them in the house anyway.

“What?” He mumbled huskily into his pillow as he tried to drift back off to sleep again.

“Turn round,” she said.

“Why?” He mumbled wincing slightly when he moved his face into the cold wet patch that could only be a pile of his own dribble.

“Just come here and give me your hand,” She told him almost excitedly.

“I’m too tired for sex, promise in the morning,” he yawned.

“Nympho,” She giggled, “This isn’t about sex, quick or you’re going to miss it.”

He felt her grab his hand and whined when she bent it back so she could get the right angle so that his palm would be resting against her stomach, he closed his eyes again and sighed into his pillow. After a few seconds of Adie pushing his hand into her tummy he felt it, a small prod against the palm of his hand and that was when he turned over to see her. The grin on her face was answer enough for him but he asked anyway.

“Was that-?” He grinned back as she shook her head vigorously. He looked down at her rounded belly and pressed his hand into it again and sure enough after a few seconds of keeping the pressure there he felt the small flutter under his palm. The feeling made him giggle as he did it once again, “That’s amazing, it’s like she’s real now, you know?” He said taking his hand away.

“I know. Before it kind of felt real but now I know she’s definitely there, this little person growing in there. Oh man she’s really kicking up a storm,” Adie said as she grabbed Nick’s hand once again, resting it on her stomach so he would be able to feel their daughter moving around. She watched his silhouette in the darkness as he moved lower so his head was level with her belly and smiled as he started talking to the baby.

“Hey you in there?” He asked giving her tummy a prod, “Are you going to be a can can dancer?”

“Maybe a gymnast,” Adie thought allowed as she ran her hands through his hair, loving the touch as his fingers lightly stroked and caressed the sensitive skin of her taught stomach. Her eyes started drifting shut after a few minutes of silence but she smiled to herself when she felt his lips cover her belly button, that smile was soon replaced with the look of regret when he spoke his next words so quietly she almost missed them.

“The things that scares me the most is that I’m going to come back from this leg of the tour and find that you’ve left again,” He whispered, not moving from the position he was in.

“I’m not going anywhere I promise,” She told him leaning down to stroke his cheek. “The thing that scares me is that I’ve broken this relationship beyond repair because I don’t know how you are ever going to be able to trust me again.”

She wanted him to tell her that it wasn’t the case, that he trusted her, that her being here was enough to show him he could trust her but when he said nothing she had to fight back her tears because he didn’t trust her. Not that she deserved it but how was this relationship going to work without trust?

“The thing I love about you is how you dance around the kitchen and sing into the spoon when you think no ones watching,” He said with a small laugh.

“I love how you laugh so much you cry at stupid stuff that no one else finds funny, and your girly giggle.”

“Hey my giggle isn’t girly!”

“Yeah it is but I love you anyway,” she told him pulling his hand up to her mouth before she placed a soft kiss to his palm.

“I love you and I promise that we are going to make this work,” he told her placing a small kiss to her stomach and at the moment she knew he wasn’t only talking to her.