Nick and Alex had been one of the first to arrive at the hotel in Newfoundland but neither had really said a word to the other as they headed towards their own rooms to check in with their families. Alex had been particularly quiet on the flight and Nick knew it was because he was having a hard time adjusting to not only travelling without Rachel but being so far from Max when he was only a few weeks old. Rachel had decided that travelling with Max at the early stage of his life was going to be too difficult and with Alex in agreement she was going to fly out for the last week of this leg, but inside Nick knew it was killing his best friend. It was bad enough that Nick was away from Adie when all the exciting things in her pregnancy were happening, he couldn’t imagine how it must have felt to be separated from a newborn.

He fell down against the comfy bed and closed his eyes thinking about the plans they were already drawing up for a South American leg of the tour. It was due to commence in February of the following year, the baby would only be three months old and he was certain that Adie would not want to follow, not with her being that young. It was going to kill him, to be that far apart from the pair of them for two and a half weeks, it was just about bearable now being so far from Adie. This was only the beginning as well.

They were already in talks about getting straight back in the studio, about a quick turn around for a new release while the momentum was still going and a new album always equalled a tour. It would mean more time away from home, more time away from his young family, less chance to see her develop and reach important milestones. Did he really want to be the Dad she could only speak to on the telephone before she went to bed? The type of Dad who would see her take her first step on a video tape? Be the kind of Dad who would lavish expensive gifts on her because he was never around to show her attention? Was it even fair to let Adie raise their child on her own?

He pinched at the bridge of his nose to try and stem the unmistakable pang in his head that would soon turn into a tension headache. Nick knew there were two ways of going about rectifying this problem, he either took the route Brian had or the one that Kevin had chosen and for the first time he finally realised how difficult the decision to leave must have been on his friend. He adored his job, hell he wouldn’t even call it a job, it was his life but at the end of the day it wasn’t going to last forever, his family would. Adie had voiced her opinions about how Brian and Leighanne had chosen to raise Baylee and even though she adored the child she didn’t agree with how he was so visible in the public eye, how exposed he seemed to be at sound checks, how he was tutored and didn’t really seem to socialize with other children his own age. So really it was a no brainer, she would not want to raise a child on the road and deep down when he thought about it Nick himself wasn’t so keen on the idea. He had started work at an early age, hadn’t really been able to socialize with kids his own age and as he had gotten older he had resented his parents for that.

He loved what he did though, he loved being on the stage and entertaining and he was not ready to give that all up. He was only twenty eight most people would still have other thirty odd years of working life left, sure he had enough money to live comfortably for the rest of his life but it wasn’t about that. It was about entertaining and doing something and making people smile, not just sitting at home watching the days pass by. He knew it was going to be a huge argument waiting to happen but they both had enough problems to deal with, throwing all that into the mix would just be too much and he knew for now he was going to have to push it all to one side and hope that when the time came the answer would be clear.

He picked up the phone, wanting to hear Adie’s voice but instead of calling her cell he hit the call button for the home phone. It rang three times before clicking into answer phone mode and when he heard his own voice asking to leave a message he felt his heart begin to race, she wouldn’t have done it to him again, would she? He hadn’t even been gone twelve hours. He was just about to hang up when he heard the message abruptly stop and her breathless voice on the line.

“Hello?”

“It’s me,” he answered, a small smile creeping to his lips, his heart rate returning to normal.

“Hey sexy, you just get there?” She asked.

“Yeah. You okay?” He asked his voice slightly shaky.

“I’m good, are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” he replied a little too quickly.

“You sound funny,” she pointed out.

“I’m good.”

Silence greeted him from the other end of the phone and he knew if he could see her face that her eyes would have narrowed, her head would be tilted to the side and she would be giving him her best “don’t try and bullshit me look.”

She sighed before saying, “I was grocery shopping, I have to leave the house sometime Nick.”

“I wasn’t-” He didn’t get a chance to say the rest because she cut him off.

“Then why didn’t you call my cell? You never call me on the house phone baby,” She said. She didn’t sound angry or pissed off, if anything she sounded hurt and he almost felt ashamed of himself for not trusting her, for not giving her the benefit of the doubt but then he remembered she hadn’t really done anything to gain that back. If she was there when he got home then she could start to earn it back but until then he had to play it safe and if it meant always calling her on the house phone then she would have to deal with it.

“You still there?” She asked.

“Yeah,” he mumbled.

“I love you,” she told him softly and he managed a small smile.

“I love you too. How’s the bump?” he asked.

“Active!” She exclaimed with a laugh, “She’s been kicking up a storm today.”

“Yeah. You feeling okay?” He asked.

“I’m good, psyching myself up for work tonight,” She groaned.

“Grave yard shift again? You were on nights just before I left,” he remembered.

“I swapped with Claire, she’s got a romantic weekend away and I am going to be left cleaning up the puke in her wake. Did I ever tell you how much I love my job?” She joked making him laugh again.

“Oh I can see why, who doesn’t like cleaning up vomit and shit at five in the morning.”

“Don’t forget about sputum,” she sing-songed down the phone, knowing how just the thought would make him dry heave.

“You’re evil,” he whined.

“What? Suctioning custard coloured sputum up from an ET tube is so satisfying at that time of the morning, makes you hungry for apple pie and custard,” she joked, laughing hilariously when she could hear him gagging from the other end of the phone.

“You’re totally sick!” he exclaimed.

“It’s gross a job but someone has to do it baby. Nobody said saving lives was glamorous, although I might wear a pair if scrubs to the next awards thing we go to,” she rambled.

“Start a new trend?” he laughed.

“A new, more comfy trend.”

“Death to the guy who invented stilettos?”

“Absolutely, it could only be a man who invented them,” she told him. “Is it just you and Alex there, or have the other guys turned up yet?

“Just me and Alex, Brian isn’t due to land for another few hours and I have no idea what time Howie is due in.”

“So are you just going to chill tonight then?” She asked.

“Yeah, what are you doing?” he asked, hearing lots of noise coming from her end of the phone.

“Putting the groceries away and making dinner,” She told him.

“What are you going to have for dinner?”

“Chilli,” she answered with a giggle, knowing he would make a comment.

“Seriously what is it with all the spicy food?” he laughed.

“I don’t know I just have a hankering for it all the time. I finally finished the jar of Tabasco sauce that has been sat in the cupboard since I moved in with you and since then I’ve had two more jars, I’m buying it weekly,” she giggled.

“I suppose it’s better then you being addicted to kippers like Rach was,” he remembered. The stench used to be so bad, and it lingered for days on end, especially when you were in a small confined bus.

“Oh god, I don’t know how you managed to put up with that. Is Alex okay?” She asked.

“He’s really quiet. I think he’s missing them,” Nick mentioned finally moving so he was sat up on the bed.

“Are you missing me?” She asked.

“Depends. Are you missing me?”

“I think I’ll miss you tomorrow morning when I’m in need of a good foot rub,” she joked with a laugh.

“Jee thanks, I love you to,” he joked back.

“I’m kind of glad I’m doing a night shift because it means I don’t have to go to bed alone tonight, does that answer your question?” She asked.

“Don’t work to hard okay?”

“Oh trust me I plan on sitting on my ass answering the phones. I should go,” she said.

“I love you, I’ll call you tomorrow?”

“How about I call you because you’ll only call when I’m still asleep,” she reminded.

“Okay sweetie,” he laughed.

“Love you,” she said before she hung up.

***

Three days into the tour and the night insomnia that usually consumed Nick had started. It had always been the same and when they used to share rooms it always drove his room mate insane because he could never just lay in bed quietly, he would either try and start a conversation, or play on a games console and even though the sound would be muted Nick’s cries of “Die you alien scum!” would always wake the other person up. He still never seemed to manage to get the room to himself though, it always seemed to be Kevin or Howie as they were the eldest.

He looked over at the clock again and groaned when he saw that it was only ten minutes from the last time that he looked. It was useless just lying there because he would only get more pissed off with himself, which in turn would only make him less sleepy. Nick pushed the covers back angrily and walked to the small desk on the other side of the room, booting up his laptop he sent Adie a quick text message on his phone asking if he could call her.

He quickly received an answer.

He shook his head in disgust as he logged on and checked his email, not that there was really much new there due to the fact he had only checked in three hours previously. He clicked on his favourites list and when his eyes fell upon the Live daily tab he double clicked it, wanting to see what the fans though about this leg of the tour. He wasn’t prepared for one of the topics of discussion when the page loaded though and as soon as he saw the heading, “Nick is going to be a Dad!” He double clicked on it and read what the page had to offer.

Nick scrolled on a little further and that was when the grainy picture, probably taken from a cell phone, loaded onto the screen. Sure enough it was Adie at the nurses station, her scrub top in her left hand, the white tank top she had been wearing underneath stretched across her rounded stomach, making it quite obvious to everyone around that she was carrying a child. He quickly closed the tap, making the picture disappear. He placed his head in his hands as he swallowed an angry scream. She should have been more careful, why didn’t she go into the break room to do that? Her scrubs gave her more then enough space to conceal her bump, she didn’t even look pregnant in them when the top was on.

He shook his head as he lifted it from his hands. It wasn’t her fault, she never asked for this kind of attention, but she had gotten it whether she liked it or not and now he had to tell her that his fans now knew where she worked. He eyed his phone, it had been at least ten minutes since he had sent her the message, surely she would be finished now? He picked it up and hit the speed dial for her number and bought the phone to his ear waiting for her to pick up.

“Hey baby I was just about to call you back. Can’t sleep?” She asked.

“Not really. I uh…there’s something I need to talk to you about. Can you take a break now?” he asked.

“Yeah I’m in the break room now. What’s wrong?” She asked cautiously.

Nick closed his eyes before continuing, “Did you spill coffee down yourself earlier?”

“Mike spilt coffee down me actually,” she said before she realised what he had asked, “How do you know about that? Are you here?” She asked excitedly, making Nick cringe.

“No I’m not,” He hesitated before he quickly said, “The fans know.”

“Know what?” She asked.

“They know that you’re pregnant and they know where you work,” he said slowly, waiting from a reaction from her. When, after a minute she was still silent, he asked, “Are you still there?”

“How?”

“You treated a girl named Claire with a broken wrist, she managed to get a picture of you on her phone.”

“It’s all over the internet isn’t it?” She asked.

“Yeah,” he answered.

“So what do we do now? We’ve never really talked about this,” she asked him.

“I think it’s going to be the only question I’m going to get at sound check and I’m going to answer truthfully if that’s okay with you?”

“Well we can’t keep her a secret forever can we? Not with Backstreet CIA anyway. So what was said?”

“What?” he asked but he knew what she was getting at.

“What did they have to say about it?” She asked her tone low.

“They were cool about it,” he lied but when she laughed down the phone at him he knew she hadn’t bought it.

“Liar. I should just steer clear of any message boards right?” She asked.

“Yeah baby you should. I love you.”

“I know you do, I love you to. I have to go okay?”

“Alright. I’ll call you tomorrow,” he told her but she had already hung up.

***

It had been a hectic few days since the news of her pregnancy had broken, the media seemed to go into a frenzy about it, the news had even made the covers of three national magazines, the entertainment sections of both local and national newspapers and seemed to be on constant rotation on E News. It was like the nation were expecting the birth of royalty and to be quite frank it was all a bit too much for Adie.

True to his word Nick had answered the very first question that had been asked at the sound check the following day. She hadn’t watched the You tube video yet but according to Rachel there were about seven different videos, from seven slightly different angles all with close to several hundred thousand hits. Adie had naively hoped that things would start to settle down after that but things just seemed to worse, to the point where she dreaded turning on the TV or logging on to check her email. The temptation was just too much, and she had looked at one of the sites. She had blamed the tears that had fallen on her hormones, but in reality the comments had gotten to her, just like they had when her and Nick had first started dating. People could be damn right cruel, would scrutinise you for every tiny detail and for what? For just trying to be happy? For being with Nick?

He couldn’t win either. He changed one tiny thing and there would be threads devoted to it for days, trying to dissect why he had chosen to do that, why he had chosen to have a white range rover when Green was his favourite colour and black was more “Trendy.” When he had first started losing all the weight fans who had previously called him fat begged for him to put the weight back on because he was looking to gaunt. You just couldn’t please these people and Adie understood that, you could be the nicest person in the world to them and they would stab you in the back soon as look it you given half the chance.

The final straw had hit two hours previously. It had been her first day shift back after her nights, and she had only been three hours into the shift when she got the impression that things were being hidden from her by her work mates. She had soon found out what that was when she walked passed curtain area four.

That part had felt so good, it was what had occurred after that Adie was pissed off about. Mike had pulled her aside, apparently word had gotten back to management about the sudden increase in time wasters in the ER, they were quite rightly linking it to Adie’s news and they weren’t happy with the effect it was having down in the pit. They had suggested that she take a leave of absesnce until it cleared up.

She couldn’t do this, she couldn’t sit around and let the little bitches ruin her life just because she was with him. They weren’t just attacking her mentally, they had now affected her career, her way to make her own living, they had in essence taken her independence from her. She had known from the start that being with him, that being in the public eye was not going to be easy but she hadn’t realised it was going to be as had as it had just become. She was twenty nine, a grown woman and she could barely handle it, how did she expect a child to live like it? It just wasn’t fair.

She heard her cell phone go off as she zipped her bag shut and placed it on top of the case before she reached for the vibrating phone. She saw Nick’s name flash up on the caller I.D but instead of pressing the accept call button, she hit ignore and after that she switched the phone off. She yanked the shoulder bag up and hauled it over her shoulder as she carried the heavy bag out to the car and for the second time that year she let the heavy oak door slam behind her, and again for the second time that year Adie didn’t look back.

Not even once.

I’m walking away from the troubles in my life
I’m walking away oh to find a better day
I’m walking away from the troubles in my life
I’m walking away oh to find a better day
I’m walking away

Song Credit: Craig David - I’m walking away