It was the middle of the night and I was wide awake. Glancing over to the small clock on the nightstand, and seeing I’d only been in bed for about three hours, I gave a groan and turned to my side, pressing my face into the pillow. Why couldn’t I fall asleep? The day had been long and I should have fallen into a quick sleep the minute my head hit the pillow, but instead I lay tossing and turning, feeling restless. Maybe it was because I wasn’t in my own bed. The different house, the different room, all the new sounds; maybe they were keeping me up. Or maybe it’s because I couldn’t stop thinking about the man asleep in his room down the hall. He might be the reason for my insomnia.

After my shower, Alex and I had convened in his den for a movie. He made up some buttered popcorn and we’d spent a few hours engrossed in some action thriller, munching on the snack. Afterwards, we had just lounged on his leather sofa discussing our favorite movies and books and different philosophies of life. It was different for me, but in a good way. And before retiring for the night, he promised a big pancake breakfast that next morning. And now here I lay not able to get his face out of my mind.

I gave a groan and pushed the pillow away. I felt like a 16 year old with a crush on the football captain. I remembered all those nights back in high school dreaming and day dreaming about that one boy. How just one smile from him made your day and if he stopped to talk to you in the hall, well that made your entire week. That boy that was unattainable, because of course he’d already had a girlfriend or he wasn’t interested in you for anything more than a friend. But Alex; Alex was single and obviously interested in me. And I think I liked him back. No, I know I did. I was just scared and afraid that moving on meant forgetting. I never wanted to forget.

With a heavy sigh, I pushed the covers off my legs and sat up. The pale light from the moon filtered in through the half open blinds that hung over the windows and it cast the room in an eerie glow. A noise on the other side of the bedroom door caught my attention and I looked to the oak wood, staring intently and listening to see if it would come again. It did; a soft thud towards the bottom of the door. The thought that something was in the hall made my heart race, but I bit back my fear and slipped from the bed.

Stealing slowly to the door, I hesitated just a moment before reaching for the knob and easing it open.

Bernie’s lonely face greeted me.

I gave a low chuckle and pulled the door open further, kneeling down by the dog and smoothing his fur.

He nuzzled to my hand then tried to lick it.

“Aww, don’t lick me.” I made sure to keep my voice low. “What are you doing out here anyway?” Alex had told me he kept Bernie in his room at night, along with his other dog, Ozzy.

The glossy coated dog nudged at me until he could slip past me then entered into the room.

“Ooh, you want to sleep in here with me, huh?” I watched him sniff around the room. “Can you smell Daisy on me? Is that it?”

It seemed to be because he zeroed in on my bag and settled himself on the floor directly under the chair.

I watched him with a small grin. “I’m sorry I didn’t bring her with me. You would have loved that.”

He sent me a look that seemed to tell me I was a fool for not doing so and it made me chuckle.

“You’ll see her soon, I promise.” I shook my head some and peered out into the hallway again before returning to Bernie. Did Alex know his dog had wondered off? I didn’t want to shut him up in the room with me and worry him if he awoke and couldn’t find the Bernese Mountain Dog. “You probably shouldn’t stay in here.”

The expression on his doggy muzzle said he wasn’t going anywhere and to accentuate that point, he shifted and seemed to settle even more into the floor.

I could only laugh; he was a dog with quite a character, that’s for sure.

“Morgan?”

With a jerk, I looked back out to the hallway to find Alex standing there, clad in only some dark pajama pants and carrying a glass. “Alex….hi.”

He watched me a little confused. “Are you alright?”

“Um yeah, I…couldn’t sleep and then I heard this noise and Bernie was out there and he came in here and ….” I glanced to the dog then back to his owner, “…now he won’t leave.”

“Bernie’s in there?” Alex gave a chuckle and poked his head into the room, spotting the furry animal. “What are you doing in here, boy? C’mon, Morgan wants to go to bed.”

“Um actually,” I spoke up, fiddling with a strand of my hair, “I can’t sleep.”

His heart melting eyes returned to me. “Oh. Are you okay?”

I nodded, tucking the hair behind my ear. “Yeah, I just… you know, different room, new bed…that kind of thing.”

“Ooh.” He gave a nod of his own. “Do…you want me to take you home?”

I blinked. “Oh, no…no. I….no.” I shook my head quickly. “I want to stay.”

“Good, cuz I didn’t really want you to go.” He sent me a cute smirk and I giggled.

“Well, good, cuz I’m not going.” Oh my word, we were acting like teenagers.

“So, um…you want something to drink?” He motioned to the glass in his hand.

“Yes, please.”

Another smile graced his face. “Okay, come with me.” Then he took my hand and led me from the room.

Ten minutes later, I was tucked into the corner of his couch with a blanket around my legs and a mug of hot chamomile tea in my hands. He was seated next to me, sipping on his own beverage. I watched him, getting caught up in how inviting his skin looked and the way the muscles in his arms moved. I didn’t even realize I had been staring until he spoke my name and my cheeks flushed.

The corners of his eyes crinkled from the grin on his face and he reached out, smoothing his hand along my arm. “You see something you like?”

My blush grew and I gave an embarrassed giggle, ducking my head.

“Aww…” He moved his hand to my leg and gave it a squeeze. “I’m just teasing you.”

“So um…” I cleared my throat and tried to will the pink from my cheeks, “how come you’re awake in the middle of the night?”

He kept his hand on my leg. “Sometimes I get insomnia.”

I gave an understanding nod. “Me too, sometimes; though it’s not really …insomnia, it’s more just a restless sleep.”

“I feel ya.” His hand smoothed gently on my leg over the blanket.

“What keeps you awake?”

He tilted his head in a thoughtful manner. “Too many thoughts racing through my head, I suppose. I’ll lay there trying to sleep, but instead be thinking about all the shit I have to do the next day, or trying to figure out why this happened or wonder about that.”

“Yeah, that happens to me sometimes too.”

He gave my leg a squeeze. “It sucks.”

I could only agree. “Yes, it does.”

He gave a nod and took a sip of his drink, lowering the glass back down to his leg. I gripped my mug tighter when his soul searching eyes turned to me once more. For some reason, I felt exposed; completely laid open for him to see every little incident, every little flaw, every little part of me. It made me fidget and I stared into my tea.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” I shook my head, blowing into my tea before taking a sip.

“Liar.” He reached over and pushed some hair behind my ear, his touch sent chills racing down my neck and back.

I peeked to him. “You…just have this way of…” I searched for the right words, “of knowing exactly what I need, or …how to make me feel better. It’s like…you can see inside of me.” The instant the words left my mouth I wished they hadn’t. Why was I telling him this? Embarrassment flushed my cheeks and I pushed the blanket from my legs. “I mean… um…I think I’m gonna go on to bed.”

He caught my arm before I could rise from the couch. Gently, he tugged me back to a full sitting position and pushed the blanket aside. “You can’t run from this, Morgan.”

“I’m not.”

“You’re trying to.”

I shook my head. “No, I’m not…I…I’m…” I gave a sigh and stared back into my tea, “You wouldn’t understand.”

“Understand what?” His fingers tilted my chin so I was forced to meet his gaze. “Understand why you’re so scared? Why you’re so afraid? Why you’ve built a wall around yourself that’s higher than the Great Wall of China?”

I wanted to tear my gaze from his, but he still had hold of my chin. “I…I can’t…I…no…” Tears threatened my eyes. I didn’t want to think about it, I didn’t want to talk about it; I didn’t want to face it.

His fingers moved from my chin and grazed along my cheek then down over my neck before he took the mug from my hands and set it with his drink on the coffee table. He leaned back to me, taking both my hands in his, those damning eyes boring into the deepest parts of my soul. “Sometimes, holding on hurts more than letting go.”

I wanted to pull away; I wanted to tell him not to touch me. I wanted to sink into his embrace; I didn’t want him to let me go. Inside, I was in a ferocious battle of tug-o-war. My head on one end and my heart on the other and they were at a standstill. Tears glistened in my eyes as I watched him, half afraid to speak for fear of what I might say.

“Oh, Morgan.” He gave a sympathetic sigh and pulled me into his arms.

I melted against him. The warmth of his body flowed through into mine and for a single moment, everything seemed right. It felt so nice to be wrapped in him, so warm and comfortable; like this is where I was supposed to be. That thought sent a shock through me and my heart leapt into my throat.

He must have felt me tense because he began to rub my back in soothing circles, tilting his head and peering down at me. “When’s your birthday?”

“What?”

A tiny grin tugged at his lips. “Your birthday; when is it?”

“That’s a random question.”

“I know.”

“November 4th.”

“Do you have any siblings?”

“A brother; he’s older.”

“Where does he live?”

“New York.”

“Any nieces or nephews?”

“No, he doesn’t want kids.”

“Do you?”

I gave a shrug. “Someday.”

“I want kids someday too.”

I peeked up at him. “Have you ever been married?”

“No,” he shook his head, “I came close though.”

“What happened?”

His eyes clouded over. “Just one of those things; we were both in different places and I thought I was doing the right thing.”

“Was she pregnant?”

“No.”

I let it drop, not wanting to force him into something he didn’t want to reveal.

His next question made my stomach knot up.

“Have you ever been married?”

I felt the breath catch in my throat and quickly broke our eye contact.

He was quiet a moment, just smoothing his hand over my back. And when he spoke again, it was in a hushed tone. “I’ve had my heart broken too many times to even remember.”

I pulled back from him, shaking my head. “No, this,” I motioned to myself, “isn’t just a broken heart. My whole life is broken. I was merrily skipping along, then suddenly, bam, I go careening off a cliff that came out of nowhere.” I could hear the tremors in my voice, but I forced my eyes to meet his. “And now I’m broken; completely shattered and I don’t know how to fix myself.”

He reached for me, but I rose from the couch.

“You don’t get it. You think I’m afraid of love or …or relationships. But, it’s not that…” fresh tears now streaked my cheeks, “it’s that I have nothing left inside. I have nothing to give. The one man that I ever truly loved is gone…forever. I don’t feel like I’m even living anymore. I just move…go through the day and the motions, put on an act so people at least think I’m okay. But I’m not. Inside, I am so broken that I feel numb to it all. And you,” I watched him through my tears, “think that we were brought together by some greater being. You think we belong together, or whatever it is that you think, but you have no idea the kind of mess my life is in. You sit there and you try to figure me out, you try to guess or judge, but you can’t. You can’t do any of those things because you don’t know, you never have, and you never will know every little thing that I have been through. So, don’t talk to me about some greater force, don’t talk to me about destiny or fate, because the last thing I want to hear, is that it was my destiny that got my husband killed.”

I don’t think he knew what to make of my outburst. He didn’t say anything, just watched me with a look I couldn’t even read. And then he stood, moving to me and towering over my small frame.

I shrank back, feeling my heart still racing from the adrenaline coursing through my body. I hadn’t meant to go off on him, I didn’t want to hurt him, but it had to be said.

Suddenly, he was gripping my upper arms and hauling my body to his, crushing our mouths together.

It caught me too off guard to pull back, and the strong grip on my arms told me I wasn’t going anywhere.

His kiss chased my breath away. One hand snaked around to my back and up into my hair, holding my head to his, his mouth nibbling at my lower lip.

He consumed me; my lips tingled, my blood began heating up, my skin flushed. I tried to pull away, but he held me closer, invading my mouth with his tongue, teasing it at my own and eliciting a tiny groan from my throat.

His hand left my arm and he wrapped it around me, pressing the length of his body against mine, his fingers curled into my hair.

My head was spinning; I didn’t know what way was up or down. I was hot, and needing, and began to respond back as my own hands grabbed at his shoulders.

And then he was pulling back, keeping a firm hold on me, his chest heaving against my own. “Tell me you felt that.” His voice was low and husky and it made my knees wobble.

I couldn’t think, let alone speak. My lips felt swollen and my cheeks were ablaze with heat.

His hand slipped from my hair and moved to my chin, tilting it to face him. “Open your eyes.” He spoke firmly, but his words held a gentle tone.

My lids fluttered open and I tried to focus on his face.

“Better.” He spoke, once our eyes locked. He cupped my cheek with his hand, his head just inches from mine. “Now, tell me you felt that.”

I gave a little nod, trying to wrap my head around that kiss.

“Say it.”

The words seemed stuck inside and I had to clear my throat before I could speak. “I…felt it…”

“You’re alive, Morgan.” He pressed his forehead to mine, his fingers smoothing along my warm cheek. “You can’t cling to your anger, or your hurt or even the pain. They use up all your energy. Take that energy and focus on the here and now. The past is what it is; the past. You can’t change it. All you can do is let it go. You have to learn to live for yourself. Be who you want to be, not who others want you to be. Feel what you want to feel, not what they want you to feel.” He wet his bottom lip with the tip of his tongue before speaking again. “Because you can feel, and you are alive inside; even if you don’t see it yet.”

I had no words. My eyes shimmered with tears and I held to him tightly, just knowing if he let go I would crumble to the floor. His words had touched something deep inside; stirring my soul, and I knew after tonight nothing was going to be the same.

We stood like that for I don’t know how long before he finally guided me back to the couch. His arms wrapped around me and he held me close, pressing soft and lingering kisses to my head, forehead, temple and cheeks. It felt so nice to have a warm body against mine, to hear his heart beating, to watch the rise and fall of his chest with every breath he took. I had to smooth my hand down his arm to make sure he was real; not just a figment of my imagination. But he was real, he was very real and it made my pulse race just thinking about him.

“What are you doing tomorrow?” His voice finally broke the silence that had settled over us.

I shifted in his arms and glanced up to his face. “Um… I’m supposed to go shopping with a friend. I think she wanted to do lunch too, but I don’t remember at the moment.”

“Ooh,” he gave a nod, his fingers ghosting along my upper arm. “So, that means, I have to have you home bright and early, huh?”

I gave a little shrug and watched as my own fingers began to trace little patterns on his bare chest. “I could call her and move it to later in the afternoon if you didn’t want to.”

“Or…” He drew the word out, “you could call her and cancel and then spend all day here with me.”

The grin that covered his face was so adorable and I couldn’t help but reach up and touch his cheek. “I could do that too, you’re right.”

“So you will?”

“Hmm… I don’t know. She was pretty intent on going shopping.”

“Well, I’m sure if you tell her you’re spending the day with a wonderful and very handsome man she would be just fine in rescheduling.”

“You’re probably right.” I watched my fingers smooth along his skin. “What would we do if I stayed?”

“Whatever you want to do. The sky’s the limit.”

I arched a brow. “Really? So… if I said let’s fly to Paris and visit the Louvre, we would?”

He watched me unblinking. “Do you have a passport?”

I gave a nod.

“Then absolutely. You take a few days off work and we’re there.”

I blinked, eying him with a rather disbelieving expression. “Uh huh.”

He raised one eyebrow, that simple action causing a chill to spread over me. “You don’t believe me?”

I wasn’t sure what I believed. “I just…I mean… that’s … a lot and we’re …we….” I was having a hard time conveying my thoughts.

“It’s too soon for the Louvre, huh? Why don’t we start with something like the Grand Canyon?”

“What?”

“How ‘bout we drive to the Grand Canyon? Have you ever been there?”

I gaped at him. “Are you serious?”

“Of course.” He reached and laced our fingers together. “It’s about a seven hour drive. We could stay a couple nights, even take the dogs. You haven’t seen anything until you’ve seen something like the canyon.”

This man was unreal. “I can’t just take off and go to the Grand Canyon; I have work.” Besides, I didn’t know him well enough to go off traipsing over the country with him.

“That’s too bad. It’s really beautiful; I think you would have enjoyed it.”

“I think we should just spend Sunday doing something simple like…sunbathing or going to a movie.”

A slow smirk covered his lips. “So, you’re going to reschedule with your friend.”

I gave a low chuckle at how he had trapped me into that. Very sneaky. “Yeah, I suppose I am.”

“Good.” He wrapped his arm back around my shoulders and drew me closer to his chest. “And maybe one day we’ll get to the Louvre.”

I wasn’t sure how far we would get, but if tonight was any inclination, I had a feeling he’d be around for a good while. Rather I wanted him to be or not.