Dianna made up a pot of strong coffee while we waited for my mother to call back. It was going on 3am by now, but I wasn’t the least bit sleepy. It had only taken my neighbor, and friend, a few moments to get over to my place after my frantic phone call. She had helped calm me down enough so I would sit at the kitchen table, then she brewed some coffee and made me drink it. It helped; the strong, bitter taste settled my frazzled nerves and now I was just staring blankly into the mug, watching the black liquid.

Next to me, Dianna sipped from her own mug. Neither one of us spoke; the only sound the soft ticking of the clock that hung over the stove.

tick-tock

It seemed to be growing louder with each tick.

tick-

As if it was counting down to something.

-tock

Something that I simply could not face.

tick-

“Why hasn’t she called back?!” I exploded from my chair, clenching my fists so I wouldn’t rip the clock off the wall and smash it to bits.

Dianna jerked back at my outburst, setting her mug gently down on the table. “You know how doctors can be; they make you wait and wait.”

I frowned. “Do they realize how rude that is? How inconsiderate? People are on edge waiting to find out how their loved ones are doing and the doctor’s are probably out back taking a smoke break.”

“I wouldn’t go that far.” She reached and patted my chair again. “Sit, I’m sure she’ll call soon.”

“I can’t sit.” I began to pace.

“You’re pacing is gonna make me nervous.”

“Join the club.”

“Morgan,” my friend sighed and tucked her curly hair behind her ear, “getting yourself all worked up is not doing anyone any good.”

I tugged on my tank, but didn’t slow my pacing. “I don’t know what else to do. What if something happens? What if I have to fly home…” I wet my lower lip and turned toward my friend, “what if he doesn’t make it?”

There was a tremor to my voice and it made Dianna rise from her chair and move to me, taking my arm and leading me back to the table. “Whatever happens, things are going to be alright. If you have to go out there, then you’ll go out there. Whatever the case, Morgan, you are going to be okay.”

I gave a small nod and slowly sank down into the chair, turning my eyes back onto the mug of coffee in front of me.

“You’ve been through things a lot worse and you’re still standing.”

“Heh, just barely.”

“You’re finally getting yourself back on your feet, hon.”

I sighed and rubbed my face. “I don’t want to think about that right now. I just want my mom to call and tell me my grandfather is okay.”

She rubbed my arm. “She’s going to call.”

“What if he’s not okay?”

“We just have to hope and pray that he will be.”

I sighed and leaned forward, resting my face in my hands, my elbows propped up on the table.

She gave her own sigh then rubbed my back in those soothing ways only a mother could.

We fell into more heavy silence and I tried my best to push the constant tick-tock out of my head.

I don’t know how long we sat there like that. The minutes seemed to crawl by at an agonizingly slow pace, but neither of us moved. The ticking of the clock almost seemed comforting by now and any other noise that may spring up would surely break the spell that had settled over us.

When the phone rang, my heart dropped into my toes.

It rang a second time and I just stared at it.

“Answer it,” My friend prodded, nudging my leg.

It rang a third time.

“Oh geeze…” Rubbing my hands on my legs, I slowly stood and moved to the phone, my heartbeat echoing in my ears. Slowly, I lifted the receiver and held it to my ear, praying my legs held me up if my mother brought bad news. “Hello?” The words caught in my throat and I had to force them out.

“Baby….”

The tone in her voice told me exactly what I needed to know; and it wasn’t good. “…. Mom...”

“He’s not doing good, baby….” She sounded like she had been crying.

I fought back my tears. “What… is… what…” I couldn’t even formulate a sentence.

“The heart attack damaged his coronary arteries,” her voice wavered and I bit my lip harder to hold back the tears. “Right now they’re trying to decide if they think he’s strong enough to do bypass surgery.”

“Oh God…” I brought a hand to my mouth.

“He’s not good, Morgan. They don’t know if he’d even survive the surgery. He’s so frail and weak; right now he’s sedated to keep his pain at minimal.”

“Mom….” Tears began to spill down my cheeks.

“You um…” she hesitated, “you should probably come home.”

I could feel the sob in my chest and bit the palm of my hand, trying to squelch it.

Just then, Dianna appeared at my side and pried the phone from my fingers, taking it and speaking to my mother.

I didn’t hear what she said, my mother’s words were bouncing around in my head and I was trying not to lose it and become a blubbery mess.

They spoke for awhile and then Dianna hung up and moved to my side, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. “Okay, c’mon on, honey. We’re going to get you packed and onto a flight to Connecticut.”

I gave a nod and allowed her to steer me up the steps then into my bedroom. Rather I really wanted to or not, I was going back home. Home to a place I had tried so hard to forget. It was beckoning me, and I was coming.

~*~*~*~*~

I arrived at the Bradley International Airport just outside of Hartford, Connecticut that evening. My travels had taken me from the Los Angeles airport to Chicago O’Hare then finally on to Bradley International. My plane touched down at 7:08pm and I departed the cabin, making a pit stop on the restroom before continuing on to baggage claim.

Dianna had helped me pack a couple suitcases then called and arranged for a flight. She then took Daisy on over to her place to watch her while I was gone, promising to take the best care of her. Afterward, she drove me to the airport and made sure I knew what gate to go to before we finally parted ways. At times, she was like a mother hen. But this was one of those times I needed that from her.

She had said Grayson would be picking me up and he’d meet me in baggage claim.

I was a ball of nerves, not just for my grandfather, who I hoped was still alive so I could see him, but to just see my family again. I didn’t know what to expect, or how it was going to make me feel. The last thing I wanted was to be sent spiraling back in my recovery process. One step forward, two steps back. Things had been going so smoothly with Alex and it really scared me to think I’d eventually get back to LA and be right back where I was when I’d first met him.

Speaking of Alex. We had a horseback riding date for Sunday and now I wouldn’t be there. I hadn’t even gotten to call him today. I was going to have to make sure I did before tomorrow came and he thought I’d stood him up.

Trying to make sure that was a mental note I didn’t forget, I stepped off the escalator and into baggage claim, that innate feeling of fear immediately setting back in. Would I even recognize my own brother? Would he recognize me? Had we changed that much in two years? With those thoughts, and more, swimming in my head, I scanned the area, moving around a few groups of people and searching for Grayson.

“Morgan?”

It came from behind me and my shoulders stiffened just slightly. I’d recognize his voice anywhere. Taking a little breath, and trying to calm the nerves in my tummy, I slowly turned to face my brother.

He still looked the same as he did two years ago, maybe just a slight bit older. At 33, he was a handsome man with a full head of thick blond hair and sparkling, clear blue eyes. He was tall, about six feet, with a swimmer’s body and tanned skin he’d had to have acquired in a tanning bed. My brother was way too busy to spend the day at the beach. It half surprised me that he had taken today off to be with my parents and grandparents.

“How are you?” He stood with his hands shoved into the pockets of a pair of designer jeans.

I shifted my tote bag on my shoulder and gave a little nod. “I’m okay… how are you?” I was debating on rather or not we should hug. I didn’t know if he’d want to and I didn’t want to go in for one and have him rebuke it. Besides, Grayson was never the hugging type and I didn’t even know where we stood relationship wise.

He gave a shrug. “I’m alright.” A pause. “It’s good to see you again. You look good.”

“Thanks,” I smoothed my shirt some, tugging it down a little, “so do you.”

He flashed a grin and showed off his pearly white teeth. “Thank you.”

I nodded some and shifted my bag again. “You’re welcome.”

“Here, lemme take that.” He reached and slid the bag off my shoulder. “How was your flight?”

“Um, a little bumpy, but nothing I couldn’t handle.” I slipped my hands into the back pockets of my jeans and together we turned and headed for the carousel my luggage would be arriving at. “It was really long though.”

“Yeah, it usually is when you fly across the country.”

I nodded, stopping just before the conveyer belt. “So, um… how’s Poppy?”

Grayson gave a heavy sigh and ran a hand through his perfectly manicured hair. “They’re still waiting to see if he stabilizes a little more before deciding on the surgery.”

“Geeze…” I pouted and rubbed my face, “how’s Mimi doing?”

“She could be a lot better.” His sparkling eyes met my own before looking back to the carousel when the belt started to move and a beeping sounded, signaling the bags were about to come from the chute.

I rubbed my eyes, already feeling exhausted from the long flight, the time change and the emotional take my Poppy’s situation was having on me. “Do they think he’ll make it?”

“It’s hard to tell.”

“The doctor’s haven’t said?”

“No,” my brother shook his head, shoving his hands into his pockets again, “all they have said is that they need his condition to stabilize a little more before they’d suggest a bypass. They won’t tell us if they think he’ll pull through or not.”

I needed a subject change. “How’s Candace? I hear she got a huge promotion.”

“Yeah, she did, she’s really excited.” A smile lit up his face at the mention of her name and it made me a tad jealous that I had lost what he had.

“Good, I’m glad for her. I hear you two are moving to Arizona.”

“Yeah, we are.”

“You won’t be too far from me.”

He scratched his head. “Once we get settled you could come visit.”

I nodded some and watched as the luggage began to appear, keeping an eye out for my two pieces. “Yeah, that’d be nice.” I didn’t know if it was just formalities or if either of us really wanted to visit the other, but it sounded strange the small talk we were making. I hoped it wasn’t this uncomfortable with my parents.

We struggled through, however, and after collecting my bags, Grayson loaded them into his silver BMW and we were off, heading towards Coventry, Connecticut; my hometown.

“How’s Mom doing?” I brought the subject back around to the situation at hand as we sailed down I-91.

Grayson’s eyes never left the road. “She’s taking it hard, but trying to be strong for Mimi. You know how she is.”

I did and I nodded in understanding. “Is she…nervous about me being here?”

He looked to me at that. “What would make you think that?”

“I…dunno…” I shrugged, “because I haven’t seen her since I left; or even been back home.”

His hands flexed on the steering wheel. “She is glad you’re coming back.”

“They aren’t mad, are they?” I could feel my heart knocking away at my chest.

“No,” he shook his head, “they aren’t mad. They were a little hurt, but they aren’t mad at you.” He checked his blind spot then merged lanes. “Though, I think Mom’s forgotten most of that with what’s going on with Poppy and I know she’s just glad you’re coming home.”

I let out a breath of air and tucked some hair behind my ear. “Good.”

“It’s only been a year and a half, Morgan; not that much can change in a year and a half.”

I looked to him. “You’d be surprised how quickly things can change.”

He shrugged some, watching the road ahead. “I guess overall they don’t.”

I didn’t want to talk about this anymore. “So, is everyone at the hospital? Is that where you’re taking me?”

Grayson glanced over to the clock on his radio. “Mom should be there still, but Dad took Mimi back home. She needed her rest. You’ll probably get to see her tomorrow.”

“Where are you staying?” My brother lived in New York City, which was a good couple hours from Coventry.

“At the house, one of the guest rooms.”

“Ooh,” I nodded some then looked to my tote as a soft chime sounded; I had a text. Pulling my bag closer, I slipped my phone out and saw Alex’s name across the screen. A soft smile touched my lips and I pushed a button to open the text.

When r we making plans? Horses on Sunday? What r u doin 4 din din?

Immediately, I had a bit of sadness push through me at not being able to keep our horseback riding date. Pushing some hair from my face, I hit reply and quickly typed back a response.

Something came up :( I can’t make it this weekend. I’ll call u 2nite or 2morrow. I’m sorry :(

Hitting send, I closed my phone and slipped it back into my bag, my brother having fallen silent and just driving along.

It didn’t take us long to get into Coventry and the minute I was back in familiar surroundings, a sense of nostalgia washed over me. I just watched out the window as he steered us down familiar tree-lined streets that would take us to the Windham Community Memorial Hospital. I remembered the summer’s we’d play baseball in the street, how we’d ride our bikes all over town, Popsicle grins and tree houses built in the backyard. This was a place where neighbors watched out for neighbors, high school sweethearts married, and main street was in fact truly called Main Street.

It was dark, the sun having set about an hour ago, but I could still make out the high school as we passed, Bob’s Grocer, where I worked for two summers during high school, the lake where Hugh had proposed and the church we were married in. I felt a lump forming in my throat as the memory of our wedding and life together played before my eyes. Blinking back the tears, I tore my gaze from the building and watched out the other side of the car.

“You okay?”

Grayson’s voice floated over to me and I turned to look at him.

“Yeah.”

He glanced to me as he slowed for a stop sign. “You sure?” He wet his bottom lip. “I know it’s probably a little hard being back here since…everything.”

I nodded and cleared my throat, wiping under my eyes. “It is, but I’ll be okay.”

He gave a little nod and we started through the intersection. “So, how’s LA treating you?”

“Really good; it’s so beautiful out there and I have this amazing view of the ocean right from my backyard.”

“Wow, that must be nice.” He looked to me before turning his eyes back to the road.

I nodded and settled back more into the seat. “It is. It’s so relaxing and just… really good for me.”

“Good, I’m glad.” I could hear the warmth in his tone. “How’s the job going? Real estate, Mom says.”

“Yeah, and it’s actually really successful. I think I’ve sold like…six or seven houses in the last month or two.”

“Wow,” my brother arched his brows, “good for you, Morgan.”

“Thank you.”

He looked at me. “I mean that. You’ve had it rough, you deserve something good.”

My mind instantly thought of Alex and I had to grin. “Well, I think I’m finally starting to find whatever it is.”

“Good.” He made a turn and soon we were pulling into the hospital parking lot.

Suddenly my nerves were all aflutter and my heart was beating twice as fast. Saying a little prayer, I unbuckled and slowly climbed from the car, surveying the hospital before me. This was it. I was going to see my Poppy and find out just how terrible his situation was. And even more nerve-wracking; I was going to finally come face to face with my mother.

Oy vey.