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Alias: RokofAges75 [Contact] |
Real Name: Julie |
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Member since: 09/18/03 |
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Hi, I'm Julie. I'm an elementary school teacher from Illinois. I started reading BSB fanfic over the summer of 1999, when I was 14, and I've been writing it for almost as long. My favorite kind of stories to write are drama/angst with a hint of romance, and most of my stories are about Nick or Brian. You can check out my full collection of stories on my site, Dreamer's Sanctuary.
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Life only offers so many chances. At the age of thirty-five, Nick Carter realizes that he may be on his last. 
Aww, very cute chapter, with all the little kid antics and the Backstreet banter at the end. Yet sad, too, Nick realizing he'll never have these moments with children of his own, and that eventually he won't know who any of them are, that he's getting worse, and that everyone knows it. I loved the double rainbow and walking dead references. ;) Keep the writing streak alive!!
Author's Response: Thanks DR! For filler, it's at least cute filler I'd like to think lol. And that's the thing about any cute scene in this story, it's worse than the angst almost because it's a reminder about what won't be. I'm thrilled you caught the walking dead reference LOL. I knew the DR reference was sort of obvious haha, but wasn't sure if the WD one was lol. But hey, the other half of my brain would be the one to catch it right? Thanks! And hopefully I can... cause... I think I'll put my spacesuit on...
The end of this chapter was sooo sad. I can't imagine how much courage it must have taken him to do that at the VMAs, of all places. Wow. I can't imagine hearing it that way as a fan. So tragic, to think of this being their last big public appearance, his last performance. It came at a good time, though, with all the tabloid stories about him. I can't wait to hear about the public reaction! Also, you know I loved the krazy journalist attack; that was totally epic LMFAO.
Author's Response: Thank you! With the ending... awww I know! But when I decided Nick was going to hide it for some time, that he'd want to announce it at a major place, so he wouldn't have to do it more than once. Oddly, the VMAs seemed to fit. As a fan, omg I'd be bawling lol. I agree, at least the timing was good. I'm glad you loved the krazy journalist attack, I loved and adored writing that LMAO. Cause she was acting like an alien...
Loved this chapter, even though it was a sad one (haha, who am I kidding? We both know I like the sad ones best!). I could feel Nick's sense of panic when he blanked out in the middle of the interview. I liked how you ended that scene, with him talking about the guys making everything less frightening. The montage of phone messages in the next scene was a nice way to preview everyone's reactions. I love that he and Leighanne are close; that's really cute. I love how she calls Brian "Husband" out loud in real life too LOL. I felt so sorry for Nick in the end, especially when he had tears in my eyes and told her he was scared. And then... dum dum dum... enter Jane Carter! Reading on!
Author's Response: LOL you loved it BECAUSE it's a sad one, who are you kidding? LOL. I love that you could really feel Nick's fear when he has his memory blackouts. I can only imagine how confusing and terrifying that can be, and it's not easy getting that across in just words. The interview was gonna keep going in that scene, but I loved that line and felt it was a perfect transition. :). And thanks about the messages! That was exactly the purpose of showcasing them the way I did LOL. Nick and Leighanne...I debated about their relationship, it was seeing them on the cruise dancing together that really decided that for me. They can be totally cute together. And she really does say it out loud in real life, it's so bizarre! But cute LOL. Thanks DR! Now I'll put my space suit on...
Another great chapter, DR! I loved the drama of the scene with Jane... the way you wrote that encounter was sad, but perfect. And I loved that the meeting with Leslie was just the opposite. I'm glad he does have some support from other members of his family, not just Angel. Their conversation was honest and touching. Great job, DR; keep the streak going!! ZDRATW!!!
Author's Response: Thank you! The scene with Jane was rough, I deleted and rewrote it a couple times till I figured out what she would do LOL. I knew when I decided Jane, I'd have to sneak Leslie in here cause I already knew how she would be. He needs more than Angel, and I think she's the most likely candidate. Thank you! You're totally ZDRATWATS
Woot, I'm gonna be your 300th review! It's starting to look like a triple rainbow! A zombie triple rainbow, that is. I loved this chapter; there was some nice comic relief in Nick going horseback riding with Kevin, but the rest was pretty sad, yet poignant. I loved the reading of the will. I loved what he said to each of the guys and his siblings, the thoughtful choices he made as far as what to leave each of them. I love that he offered Aaron a second chance, yet basically said a big F you to his parents (even though he left Jane his money). I wonder what Aaron will have to say on the phone. Amazing chapter, DR!!!
Author's Response: It's very fitting you're review #300 hehe. With all the support and advice with this story, and as my DR, who else should it be? Thanks, I knew this chapter was going to be heavy so I thought maybe tossing in a light scene my ease the blow a bit so to speak lol. I really had to think out the will and what Nick would do in that position. I think at this point, Nick forgives them (or else he wouldn't have given Jane the money) but he's letting them know he won't forget until the disease makes him. Thank you my ZDR!
Aww... even though I know you laughed through this chapter, and I laughed at part of it, too, you did a nice job at making it sad through Nick's feelings of guilty and his memories of Aaron as a little kid. Though I did crack up when he was looking up at the sky and yelling for Aaron to answer him... I totally got this vision of Aaron's head appearing in the clouds like Mufasa and going, "Remember..." (LOL It's funny because NMN can't remember! =P) I loved the chapter, ZDR; it was so intense of you to kill Aaron, but that's what makes you so bright and so vivid! I bet Nick wishes he could put his spacesuit on, so he can jump into his rocket...
Author's Response: LMFAO if the Brian shirtless pics killed me today, and I reanimated...you just killed me again! (Does that make me a Double Rainbow Revive Zombie? lmao). We laugh cause we have a really twisted sense of humor, which I was fighting to keep OUT of the chapter lmao. So thank you. LMFAO you know this already but that image of Mufasa Aaron is epic. You just destroyed that movie for me now :P. And ROFLMFAO at him saying "Remember" and Nick never being able to! We're soooo bad. Thank you very much ZDR, your reviews are totally ZDRATW! And you know what, I bet Nick does too...cause if Aaron's up in the sky now...he'll be acting like an alien...
Aww, this chapter was so sad! I love that Jane finally apologized and Nick forgave her, but the second scene, where he thought it was his grandfather's funeral, just broke my heart. :( Poor NMN... Sorry I'm so late reading and reviewing this, ZDR, but you did a beautiful job with it!
Author's Response: I know...:( NMN is getting harder and harder to write. And hey it's okay, life happens! :). Thanks my ZDR partner in crime hehe.
Sorry I'm so late reviewing this chapter, ZDR, but I just wanted to say, awww! :( This chapter started out light-hearted enough; I loved the Frick & Frack banter on the phone. But of course it got sad quickly. I can't blame Nick for reacting the way he did, but Brian's right that they do need to plan ahead for that point that they know they're going to reach sooner or later. I love that he can read Nick so well; Nick didn't have him fooled at all LOL. Poor NMN. Can't wait for more to see how they deal with the nursing home issue.
Author's Response: Awww it's okay! :) I love you anyways. I love squeezing in F&F moments when I can, which isn't so easy at this point in the story :(. I can so see both sides of their reactions and there's just no easy way to do it. I knew Nick would think he'd trick Brian, and that Brian would go with it (till he had to call Nick out on it) because he cares about him. I feel bad for NMN :( yet I can't stop torturing him lmao. Thanks ZDR!
It was really interesting to see Nick's progression through this chapter, from depressed to paranoid to angry to just completely in the wrong decade. The last part brought tears to my eyes; it was so sad to see him thinking it was still 1999 and time to get ready for the Millennium tour again... aww. :( Amazing chapter, ZDR!!!
Author's Response: Awwwww I didn't mean to make you teary eyed. *hugs you...hugs Nick...:(* As sad as it is though it's really interesting exploring Nick's progression with the disease. Probably one of my fave parts...if that doesn't sound twisted LOL. Thank you ZDR!
Aww, you did it, ZDR. You made me cry. I don't cry at fanfics very often anymore, but you made it happen with last few paragraphs of this chapter, all the talk of the final BSB album and how it's the end of an era, yet how proud Nick is of all they accomplished, even though it's so sad. :`( It was sad to see things be so awkward between Nick and Brian at the beginning, but I'm glad Nick's open to the idea of moving in with Brian. I loved the guys going sailing altogether, even though they used it to spring that idea on Nick. This was an amazing chapter!
Author's Response: Awwww I finally made you cry? *fist pumps* Yes! (Hmm...is that insensitive? LMAO). Things are so awkward but unfortunately there's just no way to fully bridge that gap anymore. :( The disease is just going to always reopen it. I knew when the guys were going to spring this on Nick, they'd need a way to soften the blow and sailing seemed to be the way to do it. Thanks ZDR!
Oh noes, NMN is missing!!! I laughed at the image of him wandering off with a vacant smile on his face, humming as he strolls off into the sunset, but it really is sad... he's gonna flip out when he realizes he has no idea where he is, and everyone else has got to be freaking out now that they realize he's gone. I loved the moment with Brian's mom, and of course, I loved the scene in the therapist's office. HITLER SKUNK FTW!!! I'm SO glad you finally got this thing updated again; I was missing me some NMN! Yay ZDR! Sad Panda Power!!!
Author's Response: LMAO we're so horrible. You laugh as you read...I laugh as I write. Yep, Nick wandering is definitely no good (entertaing for us? Sure!). Hitler Skunk is LOVE! lol. And LMFAO at "Sad Panda Power!" Is that our new chant to replace our old standby one of "Insomniacs Unite!" now? LOL. Thanks ZDR!
SPP!!! I'll say it again - I love this chapter! Loved the argument between the guys; poor Brian feels guilty, and no one should be blaming him for Nick wandering off, but I understand their frustration. Sad as it is, I can even understand where AJ's coming from. I loved the way you wrote Nick's mindset, his panic and confusion when he realized he had no idea where he was or how he got there and his embarrassment when the guys picked him up. Poor NMN. :( I can't imagine how hard that would be, to be losing your mind and losing your independence at such a young age. You're doing an excellent job of imagining how it would be and putting it into words. I love this story so much!
Author's Response: Awwww I <3 you. And you're exactly right. Brian is gonna be taking the blame on to himself even though he shouldn't be. And the Boys don't even want to blame them, but in a panic, logic goes bye bye. Which, speaking of panic, thank you! Very happy that came across okay. *hugs NMN* That can't be easy, especially for someone like Nick who loves life so much. Love you ZDR!. You down with SPP?
Aww... I loved every bit of this chapter! The scene with Nick and Baylee was my favorite. Baylee seems to be handling this with maturity, though I can only imagine how hard it must be to see his "Uncle Nick" forgetting who he is and mistaking him for his father. Very realistic, though. Probably more realistic than the Boys beating NSync's record or Nick being nominated for a Grammy, but hey, wishful thinking is fun! Magic muffin ftw! Reading on, since you went on an updating streak while I was gone all day! No wonder I had so many emails! LOL
Author's Response: Awww thank you ZDR! I love Baylee and Nick and sometimes wish I could've touched on that a little more. But before it ended I really wanted to return to it. And yeah...the sales records and Nick being nominated for Grammy aren't soooo realistic but hey, a girl can dream. I was kinda hoping with the whole "things sell more when an artist dies" could apply to the sales, morbid as that is. LOL yeah see, you're gone all day so my SPP was on overdrive! :)
Crying now... :'( The beginning of this chapter was totally heartbreaking. What a nice idea, to get the whole Backstreet family together for one last holiday... too bad the Carter Christmas turned into chaos, and it wasn't even Jane's fault! The last scene with the four other guys was so bittersweet, but it really sums up the whole point of this story and works in the title well. LOVE IT!!!
Author's Response: Awwwww! *hands you a tissue* I figured that's something Brian would do, but you know me, I can't let it be too peaceful. I like the irony of a Carter Christmas turning into a mess, but it NOT being Jane's fault this time. I'm glad you liked the last scene with the guys, wasn't sure if it came off cheesy. But to me, like you said, it comes back to the entire theme of the story. Thank you!
OMG, you have me literally sobbing now. As in, crying out loud - not even exaggerating. IWITW did it. You're right (or Brian's right); not every story has a happy ending, and this one was soooo sad, yet perfect! Absolutely, angstfully perfect. You did such an amazing job on this story, Rose, from all the anal research you put in to the impeccable way you translated the facts into feeling. The emotional depth of this story is what made it so good - all the way through, I could feel Nick's fear, anger, frustration, and eventual acceptance, just as I could feel the other guys' sadness as they witnessed the progression of his disease. I'm sad to see the story end, but so happy for you!! Congrats on finishing a masterpiece, ZDR!!!
Author's Response: Wow! You know how I love tears :). Totally flattered I got you like that. *hugs* You know I've had the idea of IWITW for a long time, it was just a must. And yeah, not every story has a happy ending, and this story didn't deserve one, it would've ruined it. Thank you so much Julie! That's totally what I wanted to do, was get the emotions across and as real as possible. I'm sad to see this one end, but I feel accomplished. Thank you SO much for all the help too ZDR! You're been totally ZDRATWATS :)
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