Fic Talk > Featured Story of the Month

Featured story for March 2007 - Love of A Child

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julilly:
Sometimes I will accidently reread chapters and not even notice because I'm still so into it lol

Nijntje:
Congrats ladies! It's always a great thing when two writers collaborate and you don't notice it while reading..  I must say this is not a story for me.. I read a few chapters and didn't like some aspects of it. I DO like how the nurse (forgot her name lol) interacts with Baylee and vice versa though.

Anastacia:

--- Quote from: Nijntje on March 06, 2007, 09:26:37 AM ---Congrats ladies! It's always a great thing when two writers collaborate and you don't notice it while reading..  I must say this is not a story for me.. I read a few chapters and didn't like some aspects of it. I DO like how the nurse (forgot her name lol) interacts with Baylee and vice versa though.

--- End quote ---

So, I just realized that this topic was reserved for my collab... *is sheepish* But, when I read what you posted, Nijtje... I guess I just have to ask, what aspects didn't you like?

Nijntje:

--- Quote from: Anastacia on March 19, 2007, 12:13:37 AM ---So, I just realized that this topic was reserved for my collab... *is sheepish* But, when I read what you posted, Nijtje... I guess I just have to ask, what aspects didn't you like?

--- End quote ---

Could you ask a Dutch girl a more difficult question?  ;D
Well, you see, I don't mind sharing that with you, BUT I don't want to hurt someone's feelings, cause I know a story is SO important to its author(s)..  :-\
So, here goes nothing.. and please DON'T throw rocks at me..  :-* I'll mostly take excerpts from the first chapter as an example.. And I apologize if I seem to be very harsh in my judgement, that's mostly because I have trouble expressing myself in English sometimes..


--- Quote ---"George, Daddy," Baylee interrupted softly, reaching for the stuffed monkey at the foot of his hospital bed. As his father leaned forward to grasp it, he eyed Alana warily. "'Lana's got big boob--"
--- End quote ---

Remarks like this. I KNOW kids say the most embarrassing things, but I just can't see a three year old who's not feeling all that well say stuff like that. I mean, I'm not a child expert, but I have been around kids a lot, and my mom practically raised a girl whom she took care of when her parents were at work from the time she was six weeks to a 7 year old. But again, maybe some kids would do that, but I just cannot picture it.


--- Quote ---"I've seen your uncles in that band, Baylee. I think I'd take them to a backseat…" Alana playfully continued, though the joke was for his father more so than the child.
--- End quote ---

She has just met Brian and already says stuff like this, in FRONT of a 3-year-old. Bad, bad nurse  :-[ I mean, it's not that I can't see that happen, I'm just.. well, disgusted isn't the right word.. not even close, but I can't come up with a better word. I'm like "Come ON! What are you (and by that I mean the nurse), 15 years old? Please stay professional.. . especially in front of the kid, even if he doesn't really know what you mean.."
But maybe that's just the psychologist inside of me talking..


--- Quote ---Even Brian found himself gawking as she tossed her long locks into a high ponytail. "-She's stripping…" "Dude, you mind not standing beside me right now? Your hard on is sticking in my hip," Nick hissed, stepping aside.

______________ _____

"And get off me, dude. Your dick's poking me in the spine!"

"It is not!" Brian scoffed, though he blushed nonetheless as he slid from Nick's back, carefully observing the situation.
--- End quote ---

Now that sort of comments I just don't like to read about (neither in fanfiction or 'normal' fiction). So that has nothing to do with just your story, but every fic I read.. I mean, I KNOW it happens, I KNOW guys say these kind of things to each other, but I don't wanna read about it..  ;) (Which is kinda weird by the way, cause in real life conversations, I'm definitely NOT a prude..  :-[ )

Again, I HOPE I didn't offend you two.. cause I do like the writing-style and the way Alana handles Baylee (like with the IV), it's just some aspects I don't like..

*ducks under a table to avoid all the rocks that are thrown at her*  :-\

honey:
Ok, I'm glad to see that someone finally left some comments for this story ;D everyone said so many wonderful things about Ground Zero last month but we've all been kind of quiet on this one... Let's see if I can get the conversation going on it....

First off, congrats on being picked! I hadn't read the story before it was featured and I've tried to get to it as much as I can this month.

I can totally understand Nijntje's comments, but like she said, that is a personal taste and I'd bet there are a lot of people out there that do like it.  Personally I have two children who are just entering that parrot phase where they really do say everything they hear and they have both busted me on more than one occasion so I have no problem with Baylee being that way. It feels natural to me. I do agree however, that Alana may have been a little too forward right from the get go. But, again that's personal taste. I also realize that things like that is what maks Alana, Alana. It's part of her personality and there really are people out there that can be like that. Lord knows I'm not one of them but maybe thats why I enjoy reading about them.

What I like about this story is the way I can really visualize each scene as it's played out. You ladies do a great job of sucking me into your world with the writing and I feel like I'm right there with the characters. I also love the dynamics. There is a lot of humor, I'm constantly laughing out loud when I read it. But then there is also the sadness and the drama and the frustration too. I think that's very improtant, especially in a character driven story like this.

I'll admit I'm really plot driven and have a hard time keeping intrest in a story that I can't necessarily visualize the overall arc of the story and I do have a hard time finishing your stories. I read "Bring Me To Life" and had the same feelings about it. The writing itself I feel is very good and I loved the characters and enjoyed reading the scenes but I never did finish it. I think when dealing with romance (and obviously there's a lot more than just romance involved here) but I personally need to be kept dangling a little every chapter.

This story to me (as well as "Bring Me To  Life") doesn't seem to have any particular goal. I can't visualize where it's going or where the ending is. It's like we're just watching the characters lives unfold and seeing how they react to it. I'm not saying thats a bad thing and I really hope I'm not comming across as mean or harsh because I really am enjoying the story  ;D After all most "best Picture" winners tend to be character studies rather than plot driven. I'm just saying that for me I need a LOT of motivation to keep reading.

An easy way to do that is to keep the love intrests from being together. I think that's why I love "A Write Kind Of Love" so much by Gravity. At the end of every chapter I find myself rooting for the characters. It's hard for me to root for characters that are already getting what they want by chapter two when things just seem to fall into place. I still enjoy seeing them delve into the relationship world, it just doesn't keep me dying to see what happens next, ya know?

Ok so I don't know if I just made any sense at all and I really REALLY hope I didn't hurt any feelings because this is a wonderful piece and I think everyone should at least give it a chance. The writing is some of the better stuff out there and if it is your particular taste then I know you will just fall in love with it.

Congrats again ladies!!! 

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