Underneath It All

Chapter One: Rekindling The Flame

**Nick**

It never ceases to amaze me how our fans routinely find us. No matter how secretive we try to be, no matter what code name we use…they always find us. Ah but whatever it’s cool as I stand here freezing my ass off signing countless numbers of autographs and snapping pictures for the crowd outside the hotel. It seems though that there are not just Backstreet fans here.

A lot of them look like rock fans…but why would they be here? Maybe some rock band is staying at this hotel as well. I sigh and excuse myself from the group despite the groans of disappointment. Giving them one final trademark Carter grin I head inside to the bar where the rest of the guys are supposed to be, celebrating the completion of our album. Hell it only took 18 months, surely that’s cause for celebration right? Yeah I thought so. I chuckle to myself; I can hear Kevin’s booming voice from the lobby.

“What do you mean we can’t go in there? Do you even know who we are?” He exclaimed with a glare.

Hoping this situation would be diffused quickly I walk over to see what the problem is and I notice just whom Kevin’s been yelling at. “Jeff? Man I didn’t expect to see you here!” I stated with a smile, the big man looked at me and grinned.

If Jeff’s here then that means………shit Evan’s here.

“Pop star!!!” Jeff exclaimed with a hearty grin, his slow Texas drawl showing clearly as always.

I grinned at him receiving astonished looks from the other four guys probably wondering how the hell I knew the guy. “She here?” I asked already knowing she was.

Jeff sighed, “Yep, tour starts tomorrow, last night of vacation for them.” He explained.

“Will she want to see me?” I knew she would, even though we hadn’t dated for over a year I still loved her, and after the whole Paris catastrophe we became friends again. Of course I had no clue we were staying in the same hotel, we never shared information like that, we never cared to.

“Of course she will come on in.” Jeff replied moving out of the way.

“Come on guys I want you to meet someone.” It had been forever since I’d seen her and I wanted the rest of them to finally meet her. Howie had once, and totally loved her.

The five of us walked into the lounge and I surveyed the room seeing her band there. Drew, Evan’s fraternal twin brother strumming on a guitar in a chair in the corner, Nathan the drummer flirting with the waitress, Connor…the bassist, the one that never really liked me sitting with a smoking hot blonde on his lap and his tongue down her throat. He had hated me of course, because he and Evan had a no-strings attached thing going on when I had come into the picture quickly taking up all of her attention. I hated the fucker too, at first but after we both were forced to be around each other when I’d visit Evan on tour, we became good friends.

“Nick?” I heard a soft female voice next to me.

I smiled and turned seeing Evan’s younger sister standing there with a surprised look on her face. She looked good, definitely changed from the hyper 18-year-old I once knew so well. Now she was 19 soon to be 20 if I remember her birthday correctly. “Caitie!” I replied giving the girl a hug. “You’re blonde?” I semi-asked. She’d always had dark hair like her sister’s, and now she had bright blonde hair, it looked good, just different.

She ran her hands through her short hair, “Yep I’m blonde, Evie helped me out.” Caitlin replied nodding her head to my other side to across the room where Evan was playing pool with Nathan.

How had I not noticed her before? My eyes watched her bend down to take her shot with her back to me. God, that ass…the tattoo at the small of her back…man I missed that thing. How many times had I traced the ink with my tongue? It was a major point of sensitivity for her and I’d taken advantage of it a million times over, especially when I’d take her from behind…shit I need to stop thinking about that, we’re just friends now weren’t we?

After I introduced the guys to Caitlin and left them to go surprise Evan. I almost offered her my lighter like I had the first time we met. She’d been standing outside a club wearing these insanely skintight leather pants and a fitted black tuxedo shirt with only two buttons done trying in vain to light her cigarette. But then I remembered that she’d quit smoking a while back and had convinced me to quit as well.

“Long time no see Evie.” I stated announcing myself behind her. The nickname I’d come up with was a sure way that she’d know it was me.

Her back straightened and she swung around her hair swishing over her shoulders…fuck I missed her. The black tank she was wearing did everything to accentuate her curves. And of course the writing on it, ‘Plays Rough’…yeah if that isn’t the damned truth there’d been a million times where my makeup artist had bitched at me because she had to cover up the various bruises around my wrists, and bite marks on me.

**Evan**

Shit what the fuck is he doing here? “Nick!” I exclaimed giving him a quick hug, anything longer and I’d be too tempted to tear his clothes off and ravish him right here on the pool table. Yeah we’d broken up, became friends again, but that didn’t mean I still didn’t love him or didn’t want him all of the time. I looked him over, damn he looked good, and I noticed his hair had grown back from when he shaved it off.

It was still short but spiky, perfect to run my fingers through……damn it Evan stop thinking like that. He’s not yours anymore. But he was once. Suddenly all of the times we’d had sex immediately began flashing through my head. I looked him up and down remembering quite clearly what he looked like naked…shit I didn’t need this especially now.

“How’ve you been?” He asked.

“We just talked on the phone yesterday don’t be such a gobshite!” I replied letting my Irish accent show through. Nick had come to learn a lot of Irish slang hanging out with me even though Drew Caitie and I rarely ever used it. Unless we went to Ireland then it was balls out with all the black stuff we could drink (black stuff being Guinness).

Sometimes I loved that my Dad had been stationed in Ireland and us kids got to grow up there. Nick had always been a sucker for my accent. I’d learned to control it when I went to college so I could speak with an American voice and an Irish one when I was home. Dad had always made us speak American English in the house, he abhorred the Irish slang and him being a Marine and all you never really questioned the man without having a good lashing.

My broken accent came in handy everytime Nick and I would be on the phone…even though we broke up we stayed nearly in constant contact with each other, never really discussing details but glazing over everything, focusing on everything else besides our respective careers. Mainly because that’s what broke us up in the first place. We never saw each other, and when we did it was always rushed, never enough time. And it got to be too much for either of us; we accused each other of cheating, which neither of us did.

“I know but I had no idea you were staying in New York City, let alone this hotel. What floor are you on?”

Damn him, he was going straight for it wasn’t he? No matter how many times we’d proclaim that we were just friends on the phone, as soon as we were in the same room…oh who the hell am I kidding he wants me…I should work this for all it’s worth right? God I’m evil!

**Nick**

“And what’s it to you?”

So…that’s how she’s going to play it? Damn her. Okay I admit it I have way less than pure thoughts going through my head at the moment, especially the last time I saw her. She’d been in LA recording and I went to see her, ended up spending the night in her hotel room. It was great, amazing and funny at the same time. We were lying in bed naked, making out and getting ready for yet another round and all of sudden she jumps out of bed, completely naked mind you, grabs a piece of paper and a pen and starts writing. Apparently she had just gotten the best idea for a song. I look at her now looking expectantly at me waiting for an answer. So I figure direct is the best approach.

“Well just want to know in case the guys wonder where I am in the morning.” I throw in a devilish smirk just for good measure; she could never resist that…ever.

I saw her eyes darken; yep she’s turned on. That’s always been easy with her, reading her. Those blue eyes of hers always will tell you what mood she’s in whether she wants you to know or not.

She shakes her head and laughs a little, “Who says you’ll be in my room, maybe we should just go to yours.” She flirted back with that mischievous grin I’d grown to both adore and fear when we had dated. I adored it because she’s got a beautiful smile, pouty lips, white teeth, good cheek bones……she could have passed for a French model except she actually has meat on her bones unlike most of them. I feared that smile because it usually ended up with me doing something that I’d thought I’d never do…

I guess she saw me studying her because she nervously ran a hand through her hair and I saw the ring I’d given her. A platinum Claddagh ring with an opal stone where the heart was (opal of course for her birthstone). Every piece of jewelry I’d given her when we dated always had an Irish twist to it. I knew she’d grown up in Ireland, loved it there, but had moved back to the States to go to college and start her career…her voice along with her siblings had become Americanized very quickly with their accents only coming out occasionally or when they did it on purpose.

“You still have your ring I see.” I said motioning to her right middle finger.

She smiled and looked at her hand and then to my right middle finger where mine was. It matched hers except it had my birthstone in place of her’s, a garnet.

“I see you still wear yours as well.” She countered.

“Why wouldn’t I? Just because we aren’t together doesn’t mean you don’t still have my heart.” I knew that’d get her. It always did. I could see the blush creeping up on her, her skin is very light so it was easy to tell when she was embarrassed or flattered.

“It’s not like you don’t have mine either.” She shot back her eyes blazing…shit I know that look. She was going to tease me wasn’t she? Damn…

Reigning in my desire to rip her clothes off I changed the subject and led her over to the guys who were engrossed in a conversation with Caitie. Damn she was probably telling them all about how Evan and I had broken up but remained close.

Evan squealed when she saw Howie, she thought he was awesome when she’d met him. “Howard!!!” She exclaimed throwing her arms around him giving him a better hug than she gave me…damn it all. I’m getting jealous here over a hug…fuck she’s not even mine anymore and I still get possessive.

“Hey Evan, how’ve you been?” He asked.

“Bloody grand I tell you!” She replied letting her accent come out again.

Fuck if that wasn’t the sexiest thing. I loved that accent, especially when she’d moan my name with it when I…God I need to stop that or I’ll end up violating her right here.

She must have done it on purpose because she flashed me a snarky grin.

“Evan where’d you grow up?” Kevin asked noticing her accent.

She grinned at him, shit she was going to flirt with him. She always told me that she had a crush on Kevin…thought he was ‘simply hot’ is what she said. She also said if he weren’t married she’d do him…thank God for Kristin. “Born in Orlando, grew up in Dublin, Dad was a Marine but wasn’t stationed on a base, he worked with the UN as a military diplomatic consultant.”

“Wow, that’s cool, must have been amazing growing up there.” Brian added.

Drew decided to walk up just then, “It was, except for when we got terrorized by the kids there. But we learned the slang, much to Dad’s dismay.” He answered ruffling Evan’s hair. She swatted at him calling him a plonker, which I learned was one of the many words for idiot along with gobshite.

“Hey Drew, how’s the album going?” I asked. Drew is Evan’s other half they know each other so well and are extremely close. They kind of looked alike too. Dark hair, blue eyes, and same laugh except his laugh is much deeper. Drew kicked ass, he was the first one to welcome me, next to Caitie of course.

Drew smiled, “We’re done, finished it three months ago, been polishing it up and rehearsing, album drops next week and the tour starts tomorrow, we’re doing a double headlining with AFI.”

AFI? Shit that’s cool. “AFI wow.”

“Yeah we’re going on after them, it’s weird now we’re officially rock stars.” Drew replied.

“You guys were pretty big when I met you.”

Caitie smirked, “Yeah but we only had regular rotation on Much Music and Fuse, now we’re on MTV and VH-1 quite regularly.”

God love that girl, she’d always been supportive of Evan and I. She was great, arranging alone time for us, helping us keep our relationship hidden from the media. The media would have been really harsh. ‘Backstreet Boy Dates Rock Star for Credibility’ yeah could totally see that headline coming.

“So how’s yours been going?” Drew asked.

“Really good, taken us forever to get it finished though.”

Evan laughed a little bit, “Well not everyone can pop out an album in a month.”

“A month?!?” Shit that’s all they took to record?

She giggled, “Well yeah I had all the songs written, our duet is on the album.” She replied.

Our duet?? Oh no, not the song I’m thinking of…please not that one. “Please don’t tell me you put my voice on your album?”

Drew smiled, “Dude the song kicks ass, and your voice sounds good with hers. Gives it a great balance.”

Son of a bitch I’m going to get it now. I nervously looked at the guys seeing the surprised expressions on their faces…shit I’m dead aren’t I?

“Seriously Nick you’ve got three writing credits.”

“Three?” Besides our duet what other songs did I help her write? I can’t remember exactly, my mind right now is blurred with images of her body writhing beneath me…fuck I need a drink.

Anyways, I knew ‘Anywhere’ our duet I’d helped her write, actually it was just a little guitar riff I had stuck in my head, played it for her, she of course made fun of my skills, and then began to play it on her acoustic and we started writing and singing. It had turned out to be the first time I’d told her that I loved her. I was on break and went out on tour with her staying behind the scenes away from any and all cameras.

“Yeah, Anywhere, Heaven’s A Lie, and Before the Dawn.” Evan stated happily. “And guess who I got to sing with me on Heaven’s A Lie.”

The only person whose voice could work with the song was Tommy’s. We’d even discussed it with him saying he’d kick ass on the song. “Tommy??” I asked.

Evan’s eyes lit up, “You bet your ass! He sounded twenty times better than we thought he would.”

I smiled at her; I loved hearing her talk about music. Unconsciously I licked my lips and saw her shudder just a little, not enough for anyone else to notice but enough that I caught it.

Now I knew I had her…

**Evan**

Did he have to do that? God my entire body just full on shuddered when he licked his lips. That tongue, those lips especially the bottom one it begged to be nibbled on I swear…how many times had that mouth turned me into a quivering mass of hormones? Too many to count….shit I need to get laid. I know, I know I shouldn’t encourage him, we’re never going to get over each other unless we stop this whole thing we have going.

Friends are great on the phone, but in person it’s just not enough. Maybe it was no one else I’d ever been with had ever understood me as well as he did….knew what I liked, how I liked it and gave it on a consistent basis. I let my eyes trail over him, I know he wants me, keeps flirting, hinting at the obvious and his jeans are doing nothing to hide how hard he’s getting…but could we actually do this without wanting more and hurting each other?

I excused myself for a moment going over to the bar getting a refill on my Grey Goose martini downing it in one gulp. Caitie came over with me as well.

“You want him don’t you?” She asked.

I had to roll my eyes. She knows the whole story about Nick. Fuck she was there for most of it. “Duh, Caitie.”

She laughed…sometimes she could be such a bitch but I loved my baby sister. “E, why not go for it tonight?”

There were so many reasons why we couldn’t do that. Especially since I’d be leaving in the morning. That was always the problem, one of us was leaving, never enough time to enjoy each other. “Caitlin you know why. It’ll just make it worse.”

“Or it’ll get him out of your system before the tour, you’ve been distracted lately and you need to get laid. You have a seriously hot guy over there who’s more than willing.”

Damn it why does she have to be right? Of course it wouldn’t get him out of my system, it’d make me want him back more than I already did. “It’s not a good idea.”

“I think it’s a bloody brilliant one. Why spend the night before our tour starts horny and frustrated, drinking in a hotel bar when you could be up in your room fucking each other senseless, giving and taking the pleasure you both need and want?”

Fuck…me…I hate it when she does that, my sister knows me too God damned well. I sighed and nodded at her getting up and going back over to them. “I think I’m going to call it a night, we have an early flight to catch to make it in time for sound check in Boston.” I stated as everyone stood I went around thanking them for joining us, giving them a hug. When I got to Nick I pulled him close slipping my extra key card into his hand and whispered in his ear, “Wanna make this a night to remember for those lonely nights on the road?”

And pulled away seeing his blue eyes darken…yes I knew I had him now. I smirked and said my goodnights noticing that Connor had already retired with his FOTM or fuck of the moment. Nate was still busy flirting with the cute waitress and Shawn my PA was conked out on the sofa. I passed Jeff telling him goodnight and to get some rest before I headed to the elevators pressing the 32 on it. I loved the suite I’d gotten, had this AMAZING view of the city. It would be perfect for us tonight, just damn perfect.

Getting off the elevator I went to my room going in and cleaning up the various things lying about silently thanking my sister for buying me a tour’s worth of condoms the other day. I’m not a slut by any means, but like any human being you have physical needs. And when you’re a rock star and there’s a smoking hot boy in the front row that is ready and willing…yeah I doubt you’d turn it down either. Which is of course why we always made it mandatory that we had enough condoms on tour, we all maybe promiscuous but at least we’re safe about it!

I took a quick shower smiling to myself that I’d been smart enough to get a full spa treatment the day before, massage, facial, waxing, basically all that you could get done I did. Getting out of the shower I pulled my hair up in a messy bun, Nick always said that look was sexy, just a few strands falling on my face and neck.

Turning away from the mirror, I looked at my tattoos, the black rosary on my left shoulder, the Latin script at the base of my spine. ‘Nosce Te Ipsum’ in ornate gothic lettering. It had a profound meaning to me besides its definition of ‘Know thy self’ as did the ink rosary. We’d been brought up Catholic, and though I’m not practicing, the years I’d spent kneeling on a church pew, standing in line for communion, and getting confirmed, all was still part of me, my history.

I searched through my luggage, where in the fuck did I put my lingerie? Damn it must not have packed much of anything. So instead I slipped on a clingy black night gown, one he’d given me, it was soft like cashmere, and just sexy enough to be considered lingerie but just plain enough that I slept in it regularly. The material hugged my curves perfectly and had very thin straps showing off my neck and shoulders, not to mention some impressive cleavage. Okay I’m being full of myself here but I can’t lie, I’m curvy and I like it that way.

Sighing I pulled out a large scented candle in a glass jar. I took this thing with me everywhere, it smelled like a vanilla orchid and I remembered Nick loved it as well so I set it on the night table lighting it letting the aroma waft through the suite. Once I finished that I smoothed on some lotion and waited I knew he wouldn’t be long but the anticipation was killing me.

**Nick**

Had she done what I think she just did?

She slipped me her room key…yeah that’s what it looked like. I smiled at the little piece of plastic she always wrote the room number on her key, just in case she forgot. Got to love her for that. I excused myself feigning a yawn, getting a snarky grin from Caitie. Damn she knew…what Evan had done. Oh who am I kidding she probably convinced her to do it, one last night before she goes on the road for six months, maybe more.

And who am I to refuse that? Besides if I’m there making her feel good, then someone else isn’t. I hated the fact that she had groupies and indulged in them regularly, but I couldn’t blame her because I did the same. We never talked about it, but I knew from the tone in her voice whether she’d gotten laid or not. It was always full of relief with just a twinge of sadness to it, like she wanted it to be me.

Is it bad to know someone that well?

That you know just by their voice if they’ve had sex and if it was good or not? I knew she knew about my various indiscretions, I never was a groupie kind of guy, yeah it happened every once in a while but after her it seemed to happen a lot more often. And the girls I’d had were always more than willing sometimes dropping to their knees in the middle of a crowded club. Yeah I’m an asshole, but hey I don’t force them, they offer themselves up leaving them vulnerable to be thoroughly fucked and tossed away. Any woman with any dignity or self respect wouldn’t offer it up so easily now would she? If they aren’t going to respect themselves enough to understand that it's just sex and nothing more then why should anyone else have to respect them?

I dismissed my thoughts when I got to her floor I checked myself in the window smirking at my faint reflection. Yeah…I looked good. I pulled a mint out of my pocket, one I’d stolen from the front desk that morning, okay not stolen but still. I crunched it up making sure my breath wasn’t foul, nothing like going to spend the night with a beautiful woman and your breath smells like a dog.

I hesitated standing in front of her door……is this what we should be doing? God, I’m beginning to doubt this? No don’t doubt it, you love her, and she loves you. Yeah then why aren’t we together anymore? Because you’re a jealous possessive idiot who hated the fact that you never saw her.

I just loved arguing with myself now didn’t I?

Fuck it…

I slipped the key in and opened the door letting it click shut behind me. I closed my eyes smelling the candle burning. God that smell brought back so many memories a lot of funny, romantic ones…but most memorable were the times we’d spent in bed the nights I spent on the road with her helping her expend that pent up energy and adrenaline from the show. Being on stage, performing in front of screaming fans, you get high off of it and therefore you get extremely turned on.

“Evan?” I asked looking around the suite not seeing her.

“In the bathroom come on in make yourself comfortable!” She yelled.

Following her suggestion I took off my socks and shoes knowing they’d need to come off anyways. For about thirty seconds I contemplated stripping the rest of my clothes off and going into the bedroom. However, that might not be such a good idea yet. No need to look desperate.

She walked in the room just then…

Christ that nightgown I’d given her…looked even better than I remembered. And her hair shit is she intentionally trying to kill me here? I closed the distance between us pulling her in my arms, God she fit so well here. I leaned down just as she leaned up and our lips met…damn just damn I could do this all night, but I had much better plans…… ones that involved her screaming and her body convulsing. Holding her to me I walked her backwards into the bedroom of the suite breaking the kiss to look at the room smirking at the box of condoms on the nightstand, the bed sheets turned down.

Always prepared, you have to love this girl. “What time is your flight?” I asked, trying to gauge how much time we had.

She sighed and unbuckled my belt pulling it off in one swift tug, fuck if that isn’t talent…

“Flight is at 9, we have to leave by 6.” She replied with an exasperated sigh.

I glanced over to the clock it was 11:45…that meant we had about six hours give or take. Damn, it just wasn’t enough, but that was typical for us we never got the time to just be together. It was always a few hours here and there, just enough time to fuck, sleep and eat, then fuck some more before she or I would have to leave.

“Stop calculating how much time we have left, just enjoy that we have time at all.” She stated reading my expression as she took off my jacket and lifted my shirt up. I pulled it off throwing it somewhere in the room as she went to my jeans. I think I full on moaned when she drew the zipper down adding just the right amount of pressure.

God it’s been too long…I’d gone too long without her touch.

**Evan**

I giggled at his reaction; I loved seeing him like that, knowing I made him feel good. Getting impatient I tugged off his jeans leaving him in his boxers, when did he start wearing underwear again? He bent down gathering the nightgown and pulled it up and over my head. I pulled the tie out of my hair letting it fall just past my shoulders.

Pulling me back to him he pushed/walked me back to the bed the back of my legs hitting it making my knees buckle and both of us tumble onto it. Wrapping my arms around him I rolled us over and began sliding his boxers down his hips. I thought a moment deciding on whether or not to take him in my mouth, we had about six hours and right now I just wanted him inside me.

As much as he and I were both into foreplay…and trust me we were. Almost to the point where I thought we’d both be driven insane at some point, however neither of us needed or wanted that at the present moment. I moved up grabbing a condom from the box on the nightstand. He grinned at me as I ripped open the wrapper with my teeth and moved to roll it onto him and then moved positioning myself over him.

**Nick**

I watched her as she slowly sank down onto me…shit that felt so good and watching myself slide in and out of her was half the fun. I love watching her, the way her face changes her eyes closed, mouth slightly open, or the way her eyes would crinkle at the corners when she’d thrust back down…just so completely beautiful.

She stayed still, I knew why she did it to torture me mostly, but also she had always said she loved feeling me like that readjusting to having me inside her again. Trying to urge her on I thrust my hips up making her smile and lean down kissing me as she scratched her nails down my chest.

I loved that, that little bit of roughness that was always welcomed.

We’d always been a little, violent when it came to sex, we both liked it rough, something most people we’d ever been with just couldn’t get it or didn’t want it. ‘You want to bite me…what? Ow not so hard’ they’d all say, no one ever could get me the way she does.

She pulled me up to sit and began to move as I attacked her neck and chest with my mouth nipping a little here and there then biting roughly on and around her breasts hearing her gasp and moan as her fingers wove into my hair pushing me closer to her chest…as if I needed any encouragement.

**Evan**

Shit he’s biting me; does he remember how much I love that?

In retaliation I begin to move faster on him both of us are moaning quite loudly at this point and he’s moving with me lifting his hips up to meet mine causing the absolute best friction between us. He wrapped his arms around me and flipped us over and moved faster against me but slowed down a little torturing the hell out of me. I opened my eyes to see what the hell he was doing and I saw his intense blue eyes staring down into mine. Now if that wasn’t the most intimate thing in the world, I don’t know what is.

Just seeing him watching me, and watching him myself made me lose it and I came shuddering and growling loudly he followed not more than a few seconds later. If I never made any sound he could go for hours, but the second I’d make a sound when I came it would trigger his as well; something about feeling me let go and hearing it as well that just got to him. He collapsed to the side of me throwing out the condom in the trash before pulling me against him kissing my forehead.

“I love you.” I whispered making him grin at me.

“I love you too.” He replied repeating my sentiment.

God why are we being so stupid about this? We could make this work couldn’t we? Other musician couples do, look at Tim McGraw and Faith Hill they work don’t they? Ah yes but they’re in the same genre, Nick and I are not. I’m rock (well ok the correct term would be ‘nu-metal’ but whatever) and he’s pop and never the two shall meet. Yeah right that’s just what the musical purist elitist bastards think, rock and pop mixed all the time.

Hell, pop music is nothing more than music that’s popular with audiences and with that definition I’m in pop music too. True we’re not easy listening but whatever. It’s no use, though, we tried… we loved, we fought, we lost, end of story.

Yeah if that’s true then why am I in a hotel room kissing, biting and scratching down his chest getting him ready for round two?

Underneath It All

Chapter Two: Never Say Goodbye

**Caitlin**

“Caitie!” I heard a male voice shout. I turned seeing Howie, Kevin, Brian and AJ standing there; smiling at me.

“Hey losers.” I answer back giggling at them.

Ever the one with polite manners Kevin gives me a hug and asks, “Have you seen Nick since last night?”

I full on laughed at the four of them; ah I’m guessing they didn’t really understand the whole thing between my dear sister and their band mate. I knew the whole star crossed story, how they met, fell in love, broke up, reunited and now were trying the ‘we’re friends but I can’t help but fuck you every time I see you’ thing.

Drew walked up just then and sighed, “Probably still fucking my sister.” He stated rather bluntly making me snicker.

I couldn’t help it; it was so totally true. My suite was right next to Evan’s and damn he makes her loud. She’s never loud with any other guy; I should know I’m usually the one stuck next to her room hearing her going at it with some nameless hottie…while I’m stuck with Spectra-vision and my hands…damn when can I get some groupies?

I looked to the guys seeing Kevin chuckling to himself, AJ saying Nick’s a lucky bastard, Howie shaking his head smiling, and Brian looking completely scandalized. “I called her this morning to make sure Nick would let her out of bed long enough to shower and get her bags down here, and they just arrived so they must be on their way down.” I explained getting an odd look from my older brother. “Dude my suite was next to hers, and all fucking night it was moaning and screaming, from both of them. I had to blast my I-pod just to get some sleep.” Okay maybe I was just a teensy bit jealous of my sister, she’s older, much hotter than me, much more talented…men wanted her all the time. I mean I’m almost twenty, I think I’m entitled to some perks of being the back up singer for a fucking hot rock band am I right?

“Nick’s never been loud it’s always been the chicks he’s been with.” AJ countered. Hmmm makes me wonder if he’s gotten stuck with having Nick as a neighbor in the hotels. Probably…I bet these guys have seen and heard a lot of things over the years that they never wanted to know about each other.

“Anyone would be loud with Evan the woman just oozes sex.” Connor added with his ‘I got lucky’ smile plastered over his face. It was weird when my sister and Connor had their no-strings fling going on, but at least it never became a problem. Connor liked Nick, didn’t want to at first, wanted to hate him, hottie pop star comes along and steals all of Evan’s affections yeah that’d piss any guy off, but Nick proved to have a vast knowledge of rock music history and they hit it off discussing the differences between 70s Classic Rock and the beginnings of Metal.

I nodded and added, “Oh yeah Nick’s a talker, from what Evie has told me. Which surprises me considering in interviews he rarely ever speaks.”

That statement received another round of laughs and Kevin asked about my shirt. It was our new tour shirt it was a black long-sleeve tee-shirt with our logo a heart with wings on the front and the words ‘Catalyst World Tour 2005’ emblazoned underneath it as well as the tour dates on the back.

“This would be our new tour shirts, we have them in different styles but it’s cold so I wanted to wear my long-sleeve one, only band members, roadies and employees get these babies.”

**Evan**

God last night was incredible. This morning was incredible as well. I’m standing here in the shower, Nick and I had shared, and after he finished making me remember exactly why I love sex in the shower he showered and then let me do my daily routine. I can’t believe I’m getting ready to leave for the tour and I don’t want to go. Why can’t we just have more time? A few more hours…really that’s what we need…just a few more hours to make love, lay in bed naked, anything really as long as part of him is touching me. Actually I could spend a lifetime with him and it wouldn’t be enough, I’d always want more.

Getting out I dressed quickly not even caring to dry my hair or put on any makeup, no one was going to see me until the airport and by then I’d just pull on my big sunglasses and mope. I walked out into the bedroom and noticed Nick sitting on the bed fully clothed, minus shoes and jacket, putting on his watch. He looked up and grinned at me as I moved to stand between his legs. I leaned over and kissed him running my tongue over his lips as he parted them sweeping his tongue out to meet mine. Good God I loved that, it wired my entire body for him to take me again, so wholly possess me like he always does.

I pulled away glancing at the clock, it would be a few more minutes before I’d have to be down in the underground parking to leave for the airport.

“Why can’t we try?” He asked his blue eyes flashing brilliantly bright.

I sighed, damn it he knew why. “Nick we can’t one of us is always leaving.” A large part of me just wanted to give in, I needed that security in him, just like he needed it in me.

He stood and pulled me against him and I rested my head against his chest. “So what do we do, stay friends when we’re apart and fuck like crazy when we see each other then leave like nothing happened?” He sniped back. Fuck he’s pissed. I hated it when he got like this it always made everything worse.

“Nickolas…” I began with my voice soft almost pleading. “I want to be with you, you know I do… don’t you think this is hard on me too? You come into my life make me feel pleasure no one else has ever been able to give me and then one of us has to leave, not knowing when we’ll see each other again…we tried the whole exclusive relationship thing…”

“We didn’t try hard enough.” He reasoned. “I love having you as a friend but Jesus baby I need more…it’s just not enough.”

I pulled away from him running my hands through my damp hair noticing that his was still damp as well. Showering with him had always been an experience, there’s nothing like it having the running water, and the amazing sex we always had in there. How our bodies would slide together so perfectly the water and soap creating an electrifying friction between us. Damn it if I don’t stop this I’m going to be late.

“It’s going to have to be at least for now.” I countered zipping up my toiletries bag and putting that in one of my bags setting them near the door.

He shot me a look, the one that always meant he was pissed but trying to reign in his anger, his disappointment and a flash of lust. “Evie…” He began but I held my hand up stopping him.

“No we’re not going to fight, not after how wonderful last night was. We’re going to talk about this later, you could come out and visit if you get the time.” I suggested.

“You have to come out and visit us since we’re starting our promo club tour soon.”

“Club tour?” I looked at him in surprise, when we started dating it was my band playing clubs and he was used to playing arenas, now it had flipped.

**Nick**

I read her expression and chuckled, “Yeah I know complete role reversal.”

She grinned at me and we walked out already having her bags minus her backpack and duffel bag taken down to the car by the bellhop.

I don’t want her to leave. Even more so I want to go with her. We’re in the damn elevator getting out in the underground parking. I can see the limo there, Caitie, Jeff, Drew, Connor, Nate and Shawn…and what the hell…why are my band mates there too?

Fuck, fuck, fuck….

I’m not going to be able to give her a proper goodbye now. I stop walking and hold tight onto her hand and she swings around her eyes questioning me.

Fuck them, I’m kissing her and that’s final. I pull her to me and give her just about the hottest kiss I can give her biting her bottom lip, sucking on her tongue anything to keep her near me longer. She drops her duffel bag and backpack she hadn’t let me carry and wraps her arms around me letting her hands tangle in my hair letting her nails gently scratch over my scalp. God, I love it when she does that.

Deepening the kiss I move one hand to her face across her cheek to the back of her neck as the other pressed on the small of her back, pushing her hips into me. I knew I had everyone staring at us, could literally feel at least ten sets of eyes on us maybe more, maybe less. I knew Caitie, Drew and Jeff were smirking at us and I didn’t care. Reluctantly I broke the kiss pressing my forehead against hers.

“I love you Evan.” I spoke softly I could see the tears welling up in her eyes. “Don’t cry, we’re going to get through this.”

“I can’t leave you, not after last night.”

My heart leapt into my throat when she said that. Son of a bitch…why does this have to be so hard? Why did last night have to be so God damned perfect?

“Baby…” I began trying to reign in my own emotions. I moved my hands to cup her face wiping the tears away with my thumbs. “Last night was incredible but…”

She sighed and kissed the inside of my palm and it was almost my undoing. “I know back to real life.” She finished for me reading my thoughts practically.

I smiled at her and helped her pick up her duffel and backpack and walked her over to where everyone was. I looked down at myself wearing the same clothes from the night before…eh what the fuck ever, I had some of the best sex of my life and I don’t care who knows it. I kissed her forehead telling her that I loved her and to call me when she got into Boston, when she had time of course. I know how hard it is to find a moment for a phone call when you have everyone pulling at you, everyone wanting something.

She said her goodbyes to everyone else and they all slipped into the limo. It began to pull out but stopped just before it left the garage.

“NICK!!” I heard her yell and I turned around.

What the…Evan jumped out and ran to me pulling me into a breathtaking kiss. She pulled back and handed me a folded pack of papers.

“Maybe we can try again.” She stated giving me a grin, a kiss and then ran back to the limo.

Did she…?

Fuck yeah she did, she said she wants to try. Getting probably the smuggest grin on my face possible I look down at the papers…her tour itinerary with a note scribbled on it.

Check your schedule. When you’re free, come see me, I’ll try to do the same.

Love you always,

Evie

Seeing the limo disappear my heart sank a little knowing I wouldn’t see her for a while. I turned towards the guys who all gave me the same look. Shit I had some explaining to do.

“My room group meeting.” AJ stated as we all piled into the elevator.

Fuck they’re going to gang up on me aren’t they? I gulped when we all sat down in AJ’s suite, miraculously it was clean for once. I guess he’d really changed since the last tour.

“So do you care to explain what’s going on between you and her?” Brian began…yep let’s go I knew this was going to happen eventually.

“Brian, you guys met her, she’s amazing I love her.”

Kevin sighed, “What do we tell the publicist?”

“That I’m single, that’s what Evan and I did the last time, neither of us want to let our relationship or whatever the hell it is we have out in the open yet so we’re both single, we’re friends end of story.” I explained staring the four of them down. Yeah suddenly I had courage, before I used to do whatever the fuck they told me, especially Brian. If he told me to go hump a tree I probably would have without question. But all that changed when I did my solo CD, yeah it didn’t do well, so what, the tour was better, gave me a new confidence that I’d brought back to the band, although it wasn’t always welcome.

Howie grinned, “You two are getting back together?” He asked hopefully.

I grinned a little, “I fucking hope so. But knowing her it’s not going to be exactly what I want.”

“What do you mean?”

I sighed, it was true Evan was the most stubborn person I knew, worse than Kevin, and when she made up her mind she went for it all the way. But I had a feeling that we weren’t going to start out exclusive and committed like where we had left off. “I know her, we’re not going to jump back into our relationship the way it was, all exclusive and shit. She’s going to make us start over, make either of us see other people to make sure it’s that we want to be together.”

“How do you know?” AJ asked I could hear the skepticism in his voice, and I had to roll my eyes.

“Because I know her she’s not going to go back on tour from taking a year off and not want to get laid.”

“But why wouldn’t she just get back with you?”

I shook my head at Brian man just didn’t understand, “Because that was the problem with our relationship, we committed too soon, we never saw each other and when we did it was always rushed not enough time.”

“So you’re saying that you’ll have a girlfriend but you’ll both be able to fuck other people?” AJ asked the incredulity growing.

“She’s not a slut so don’t fucking start. All of us have had groupies, even you Brian, so don’t even think you can judge her.” Shit where did that come from? I hadn’t intended on getting pissed but damn. I hated anyone calling her a slut or a whore, she wasn’t…isn’t and never will be. True she sleeps around, but fuck who doesn’t anymore? Men are allowed to fuck as many women as possible. Women who respect themselves enough to play the field like men do shouldn’t have to deal with the double standard.

“We’re not judging anyone Nicky.” Howie stated diffusing the situation as always…God love you, Howie. “But be careful, don’t hurt each other again.”

“I’m trying my best not to.” I answered back and that was true, no way did I want to relive the hell we’d put each other through, the fights, the screaming, the accusations…the only good part about that period is that we had some of the best sex we’d ever had. Sex had solved our problems back then but slowly it just got to be too much for either of us, neither one of us was willing to make the huge sacrifices we needed to make.

But now that’s different, we didn’t need huge sacrifices, we could meet halfway couldn’t we? We could keep our careers and slowly build up our relationship again stealing moments whenever possible right? After Paris I showed up on Evan’s doorstep, she took me in, let me hide from the paparazzi, she helped me through that entire disaster. And I nearly fucked it up by letting my wounded ego and desire to possess her take over and we spent the rest of the time fucking our brains out on every piece of furniture she owned. It was rebound sex, sex with an ex, she’d tried to reason telling me that I needed it to get Paris out of my system but we both knew it was so much more than that. I asked her why she didn’t resist when I tried make love to her the second night I was there and she simply replied, ‘because I love you’ and it shot straight through me.

She let me have my way with her thinking it meant nothing to me, thinking that I was using her to get over some bitch that I should have never dated in the first place. So she pushed me away, told me that she could be my friend but not my girlfriend and to find that elsewhere. I didn’t want that elsewhere but I knew I didn’t have a choice, I’d just gotten out of the worst relationship I’d ever had, I wasn’t exactly of sound mind then. The bitch had perpetually blown my mind with stupid little games and petty jealousy.

When I’d shown up at her place I looked terrible, exhausted, puffy from crying, scruffy and dirty. She let me sleep, gave me food, made me shower and put on fresh clothes and what did I do to thank her? I lured her into my bed and used her body to soothe my wounded pride. She’s not stupid she knew what was going on, I hadn’t intended on making a move on her but holding her body in my arms feeling her so close to me after we’d be apart for so long……I couldn’t help it, I wanted her, needed her, needed to know that I could satisfy her. And she let me, let me take out my frustrations on her, which made me feel horrible once I’d realized what I’d done. I’d taken advantage of her hospitality, taken advantage of the desire and love she still had for me.

~~**Flashback**~~

I waited outside her front door after I had knocked and rang a couple of times. The door flung open all of a sudden and there she was standing there in a pair of jean shorts and a white tank top the strings of her black bikini showing around her neck.

“Nick, God you look terrible.” She stated.

Yeah I know don’t remind me. “Yeah, can I come inside?” I ask hoping to get an invitation into her home. I loved this place it was in Marathon literally across the street from my family home. No one knew I was there, just her.

She opened the door giving me a concerned tight-lipped smile as I walked in she helped me carry my bags up to one of the guest rooms…the one closest to the master bedroom. “Here you can stay in here it’s the second largest room.” She explained setting two of my bags on the bed as I set the other two there as well. I turned to her pulling her body against me giving her a hug. I needed the contact. I sat on the edge of the bed still holding her to me. The bed was high and put me at eye level with her chest....shit...

I looked down averting my eyes I couldn’t, wouldn’t get turned on…no, no, no…but just at the sight of her, the closeness made my cock twitch in a way that was really hard to ignore.

I think she got the idea and backed away distancing herself crossing her arms over her chest, yeah that helps. “Not that I’m not happy to see you, but why are you here?” She asked her voice soft with just a hint of a rasp to it.

“Paris and I broke up…she showed up in the tabloids with bruises and they’re blaming me but it was another guy that she had been fucking with that did it.”

Evan sighed rolling her eyes a little, “I heard about the breakup, but still why are you here?”

"I need a place to hideout, away from everyone, my family, the fans, the media, everyone.”

“Your dad and brother live across the street.”

I had to chuckle a little bit, “Ever heard of hiding in plain sight?”

She rolled her eyes again and laughed softly rubbing her arms slowly. She looked nervous like she was afraid to have me here with her. “Am I intruding on anything? Because I can just go home…”

“No!” She protested almost too quickly. “No…stay, you can stay here as long as you need, just let your band mates know where you are.”

“Kevin booked the flight.” I answered, I was way too much of a basket case to do anything.

She grinned that sexy grin of hers, the one where she’s just being sweet to you but still that grin completely beautiful. “Why don’t you take a shower put on some fresh clothes, I’ll order a pizza?” She commanded or asked I can’t decipher which. She walked past me and I grabbed her wrist pulling her to me again intending on giving her a hug. I stared down into her eyes, they were darkening rapidly…fuck she’s getting turned on by this?

Before I could do anything my body reacted and I lowered my mouth to hers snaking my tongue out to lick along her bottom lip she opened her mouth and I took full advantage of that sliding her tongue against mine, she whimpered into the kiss and pulled away her chest heaving as she tried to catch her breath. I stuffed my hands in my pockets to keep them from reaching out to brush across her chest she’d always been extremely sensitive there and loved it whenever I’d pay attention to that sensitivity.

“I’m sorry…” I stated looking at the ground then back up at her.

She nodded and walked out of the room and I walked to the bathroom noticing towels had been laid out. Woman thought of everything didn’t she? I closed the door hearing her go down stairs to order the pizza. I showered, shaved and put on the clothes she’d set out for me: basketball shorts and a wife beater. I went down stairs to see her dishing up the pizza that had gotten here already. Damn I must have taken a long time in the shower. We sat out on her back deck eating quietly.

“So do you want to talk about it or do I just need to call Jeff and have a hit taken out on the bitch.” Evan stated making me snicker a little. Damnit I didn’t want to smile, I wanted to sulk and here she was making me laugh. “I saw that…” She replied.

“Saw what?” I shot back acting innocently.

She gave me that look, the one that said ‘I totally caught you’. “You smiled, and even laughed a little.”

“Well maybe that’s why I came here, because you always make me laugh.” I countered flirting with her.

She took a long sip of her Guinness long neck and looked out to the shore not answering me. I was affecting her, being here, the kiss, flirting with her. I doubt I’m going to be able to keep my hands off of her for long.

The next day I woke up late hearing a splash out back. I looked out the window seeing Evan haul herself out of the pool in her black string bikini her hair up in a messy bun. She walked back around to the deep end diving into the water doing laps. I threw on my swim trunks and ran down stairs and outside. I stopped right in front of the pool smiling as she surfaced.

“You’re awake.” She stated wiping her eyes.

I didn’t answer her I jumped in the water reveling in the cool feeling. I surfaced and got a mouth full of water in my face. Sputtering I looked at her she was grinning deviously at me. So instead of splashing her back I lunged for her and she shrieked and moved out of the way just narrowly missing my hands. I chased her around the pool finally backing her up against a wall trapping her there.

She stopped giggling and just stared at me her blue eyes dark and sparkling. She bit her lower lip and I couldn’t take it anymore I leaned in claiming her mouth in a kiss. I just had to kiss her, had to feel her lips on mine. God I missed her. She tangled her fingers in my hair taking one of my hands in her free hand and guiding it to her chest, giving me permission to touch her. No woman ever was this aggressive with me, most of them just wanted to be with the celebrity, Evan she just wanted me.

A minute later she pushed me away. I immediately found myself apologizing. “It’s okay.” She replied quietly treading water.

“Evie, I don’t want to take advantage of you, I’m sorry if I’m coming off that way.” I explained. It’s true I never wanted to take advantage of her, especially when I’m on the rebound from possibly the worst dating experience I’ve had in a long time. Evan is the best person I know, the only one I’ve ever met in the business that isn’t affected by fame. That just wants to have fun making music, and performing for fans.

She looked at me and smiled, “I know you don’t want to take advantage of me and you haven’t. You’ve just been through hell it’s okay that you want something to make you feel better. I’m just glad it’s me that you’re with instead of some ho who’ll give you syphilis.” I had to laugh at that, she was always cracking jokes like that, and even though I knew she was semi-serious she laughed with me.

We spent the day hanging out talking like old times. After dinner I went out to the beach by myself. I walked along the shoreline. How had my life gone so completely out of control? Living in LA, living the Hollywood party lifestyle. I missed this place, the humidity, and the overwhelming calm of everything. Of course there was always the nightclubs in town if you wanted it, but it was much better to just relax on the beach watch the sunset over the water.

I watched the clouds roll in sighing as it started to rain. It wasn’t like the California rain…it wasn’t cold. The humidity always made the rain seem warmer somehow. Not wanting to get completely soaked I ran back up to the house seeing Evan standing on the back deck under the balcony giggling at me.

“Oh you think you’re funny do you?” I retorted at her grabbing her wrist and pulling her out into the rain drenching the both of us.

She giggled and swatted at my arm. “Thanks Nick I just needed an extra shower today.”

I laughed at her as we both walked back inside. She walked ahead of me going through the kitchen to the stairs in the hall. Immediately my eyes strayed south noticing just how the rain had made her clothes stick to her skin leaving none of her curves to the imagination. Shit, I can’t look at her, not like this.

She went into her room and I went into the guestroom I’d been sleeping in changing into a pair of boxer briefs and a black tee-shirt to go to bed. I turned out the light and headed back to the bed. I was exhausted, not just from the jet lag and the obvious relationship drama I’d gone through. No, just being around Evan and not ravishing her every second was a full time job and it left me completely drained.

“Since when do you wear boxers anymore?” I heard come from behind me.

I climbed into bed laughing a little pulling the sheets around my lower half. If I hadn’t done that then she would have completely seen how she affects me. She moved from the doorway and sat on the bed next to me wearing a Sex Pistols tee-shirt and a pair of men’s boxers that looked like she’d probably had stolen them from me when we dated and her hair held back loosely at the nape of her neck.

“I do wear them sometimes… But never around you since you either would steal them or destroy them.” I countered giving her a grin and it was completely true, she’d either rip them to shreds because she couldn’t get me naked fast enough or if somehow my boxers survived she’d steal them.

Evan giggled a little, “I didn’t destroy that many!” She protested.

“Oh yes you did, but it’s fair I destroyed a fair share of your underwear too.” And that was also true. We’d always been feisty when it came to sex especially after a show we’d both be so completely wound up that neither of us could wait to get our clothes off. I shook my head damn I need to stop thinking like that. Evan is the greatest for letting me stay with her, so it was not a good idea to be thinking about her like that.

Her face changed all of sudden and she replied, “How are you doing? Any better?”

Fuck did she have go and get emotional on me now?

My heart dropped, I didn’t love Paris that I know for sure. I thought I did, maybe I wanted to on some level. Love someone else like I love Evan. But no, Paris was definitely not Evan…never even came close. But did that stop me from getting her name tattooed on my wrist or proclaiming ‘I love that girl’ to the paparazzi?

Nope definitely not.

That girl made me feel inferior in every way. Told me that I wasn’t rich enough, famous enough for her. That didn’t matter to me though she could knock my money and fame all she wanted but what really killed my pride was when she told me I couldn’t satisfy her. Her need for other men was because I couldn’t satisfy her needs.

Evan saw my face and got up intending on leaving but I grabbed her wrist stopping her. She turned to me with a question in her eyes. Not answering her I pulled her to me settling her in the bed next to me. “Stay with me?” I asked keeping my voice in a whisper.

She tensed in my arms for a few seconds and then she completely relaxed, giving into my request. I pulled the covers around us and held her to me smiling to myself at having her in my arms again. Unconsciously I moved my hands to the front of her slipping under her tee-shirt feeling the warm skin of her stomach. God her skin felt so warm, smooth and soft. Maybe it was my wounded ego, or maybe I was just too damn exhausted to resist the fact that I had an extremely beautiful woman lying in my arms but I trailed my hands up her stomach to her breast running my fingers along them as she sighed and turned over moving my hands away from her.

“What are you doing?” She asked her eyes pleading with mine even in the darkness of the room I could tell she liked what had happened.

“I’m sorry I just want you so much right now.” I replied. Yeah great going there Carter that’s going to reel her in.

She grinned a little, “How do you want me?”

Fuck… She’s completely in for it now. I roll her to her back and pressed myself against her.

“Just like this.” I rasped at her pulling her tee-shirt up and off of her as she rid herself of the boxers she’d been wearing. I looked down at her body, good God she’s beautiful. Smiling up at me she sat up and pressed her lips to mine breaking the kiss only to remove my shirt and boxers before pulling me down onto her.

When her skin met mine we both sighed in relief. The flirting and sexual tension of the past twenty-four hours was flowing through us both at that point. I took her legs spreading them then trailing my hand up her inner thigh teasing her. Frustrated she grabbed my hand moving it to where she wanted it and holy shit…she was soaked. I moved my fingers on her as I bit and kissed along her collarbone.

“Nickolas please…” She sighed raking her nails across my back. I moved my fingers faster on her making her back arch and growl as she came.

“That was fast.” I remarked, and it was, normally it took her longer the first time around.

She relaxed a little getting that sleepy grin on her face, “It’s been a while since I’ve had someone who knows what they’re doing.”

I snickered at her, “You should tell that to a certain ex of mine she seems to believe I’m clueless when it comes to women.”

Evan’s eyes widened at me shocked I’d said that or was she shocked by what I said? “She’s fucking stupid if she thinks you aren’t amazing.”

Damn, she always knows what to say doesn’t she? Just when I’m doubting myself she comes along and says the one thing that makes me feel better.

“Thank you for saying that I was beginning to believe her.” I replied and kissed her. I broke the kiss and settled myself between her legs. “I need to make love to you.”

Her eyes widened and she gasped a little, I had never said anything that sentimental to her before. We’d never taken it nice and slow but I wanted that with her now more than ever. I leaned down and kissed her slowly exploring her mouth as her hands gripped onto my shoulders. She wrapped her legs around my hips moving me exactly where she wanted me and broke the kiss.

“If you need to then what are you waiting for?” She replied playfully.

I grinned at her giving her a kiss then moving to her neck sucking on her throat as I slowly sank into her. Now if that wasn’t the most difficult thing for me to do I don’t know what is. Just feeling her around me again was taking a serious toll on my will power to not just fuck her senseless.

“God you feel so good.” Evan gasped as I began to move slowly almost as if I wasn’t moving at all at first.

She moved her hands under my arms to clutch at my shoulder blades as I began to move a little harder, and deeper grinding my hips into hers as she lifted hers up to meet mine. “Evie…” I managed to whisper.

Evan threw her head back and moaned, “Harder…please I need more.” She answered almost pleading.

I loved it when she got like that pleading with me to keep going like I was going to stop if she didn’t. It was nice for a change hearing her tell me that I felt good, that I could give her pleasure.

Still keeping my pace slow, I thrust harder into her making her cry out and her body began to shudder a little…a clear sign she was close. I knew I wouldn’t last much longer either, but I wanted to come with her. There’s nothing like it just being there just as she is.

“Come with me,” I semi-commanded whispering in her ear making her shudder a little at feeling my breath on her neck.

“Anything for you…” She rasped back.

Fuck..... I loved it when she said something like that, like I was her only concern at that moment. I moved harder against her and we both came shuddering and gasping for breath. I collapsed to her side feeling the greatest relief and the most intense regret of my life. Relief for the experience we’d just had but regret because I’d just used the one person I cared most about. I’d taken advantage of the one thing I promised myself that I wouldn’t.

~~**End Flashback**~~

It was true; I didn’t want to take advantage of her, even though that’s exactly what I was doing. Showing up on her doorstep, taking out my frustrations on her. No matter how willing she was I still shouldn’t have even thought about it. But that was Evan, she never cared about my status, money or anything like that, only me as a normal guy the one she’d fallen for.

More often than not she wished I were just a normal guy so we wouldn’t have to deal with the media finding out about us…all the scrutiny it would bring her band in the rock community. A rocker dating a member of a pop group was a great way to lose credibility.

**Evan**

Screw our credibility.

That’s what I keep telling myself. I can’t not have him in my life. I’m sitting here on the plane fiddling with the strings on my jacket and I can't help but smile about the night before. God, it was just so amazing, the only other time we ever took it slow was when he hid out after the whole ‘bruise-gate’ tabloid scandal. I’ll never tell him but that’s how I love it the most. True I love being rough, biting, scratching. Hard and fast is my thing but to have someone take their time with you…to take the time to truly possess you wholly so that everything in your mind is completely focused on whatever they’ll do next. It’s the most amazing thing anyone can experience and I get that with him. These boys on the road are great for the quick lay, an easy off orgasm and then kick them out, but Nick, he gets what they don’t. Just like how I get what those little bimbos he fucks don’t.

My brother nudged me on the shoulder and I looked at him seeing the question in his eyes. God I hate being a twin sometimes, knowing exactly what my brother is thinking, or going to say before he says it. “To answer your question yes it was bloody fantastic.”

He smirked at me, “Well that was one question but my other one was are you getting back together?”

I sighed, I knew I wanted that more than anything, but Nick and I have to start out slow, rebuild our relationship, and not let it be based completely on our physical attraction like it was the last time. “I want to, I know he does…just we need to take it slow…make sure that a committed relationship is what we really want before we make promises we won’t be able to keep.”

Drew gave me a pitiful look, damn him. He’s going to lecture me now. “Sis, I love you, you’re my other half but seriously I think I got the brains.” He scoffed chuckling at me.

I rolled my eyes and looked out the window.

“Seriously you know you want to be in a committed relationship with him, he does too so why take your time?” Drew asked, fucker I hated it when he played devil’s advocate with me.

“Because you plonker, we are not going to rush into things again and have it completely go arseways like last time.” I shot back hoping that my use of the word ‘arseways’ would make him understand. It was true we rarely ever used our adopted home’s slang but in this instance it made complete sense.

He laughed a little, “Aye lass, but don’t you think the boyo is afraid of that too?” Drew replied letting his thick accent come out full force.

I had to laugh, merely because our accents had always been funny to me, especially when we moved to the states and saw how different our voices were from everyone else’s.

“Hump off will ya?” I shot back telling him to go away. He laughed at me and turned his attention back to his book.

I turned back to the window and sighed looking at the clouds as we flew. We’re not even a day into the tour and already I wish it were over.

Underneath It All

Chapter Three: Open Relationship

**Evan**

Did I ever say how much I HATE record company meetings? Even though this was a teleconference it still sucked ass. The best part though was that we got copies of our album. Our cover kicks ass. It’s all of us, myself and the boys dressed formally. I’m wearing this gothic style sleeveless dress that flowed down the couch I had draped myself over my hair hanging off the side. The boys were positioned where Nate was leaning against a window sill, Connor was standing behind the couch where I was and Drew was sitting on the floor in front of the couch at my feet with one knee bent. All of us giving the camera our best pouty rockstar glances as if to say ‘who the fuck are you?’

Nick’s going to love the cover; he’s never actually seen me in a dress before. I’m a major tomboy but lately I’ve been wearing skirts and dresses. I have no idea why, just felt like feeling like a girl for once in my life. Maybe it’s because I’m finally growing up. I think it’s about damn time I’m going to be 29 in October. Man just saying that I feel old, Nick’s 25 and I’m 3 years older than him.

And speaking of Nick, I really, really miss him. You know the song 40 Boys In 40 Nights by The Donnas? Well that line about there’s no cute boys in Decatur is so fucking true!!!!!! Okay we’re not actually in Decatur we’re in Ohio but still same premise. Tons of farmland, cities scattered here and there.

I called him when we got to Boston. We ended up having ‘the talk’. You know the one. The one where we decide where our relationship or whatever is going. He was a little peeved that I want to take things slow and not start out exclusive like we were.

But think about it…seriously now….

We’re not going to see each other for months at a time and we’re both going to get lonely being apart from each other. So why make promises this early on that we may not be able to keep? We made a deal though anyone we fuck doesn’t get to spend the night. Only we get to spend the night with each other, not our little groupies, once they get us off then it’s sayonara buster! Or in his case, a busty blonde.

I know it sounds cruel, it sounds cold hearted but really it’s just being realistic. Groupies are for one thing, and that’s an orgasm, once you get it then you’re good to go. I bet he has fun kicking them out when they get all hurt and pissy. It’s like okay ladies, you suck him off then you spread your legs for him, let him fuck you and now you’re expecting what…a marriage proposal?

Umm okay, then I have I nice plot of land to sell you in Siberia.

Ha, dream on bitches!

I’m sorry but these types of girls piss me off. It’s like if you want the guy to want you so badly that he can’t live another minute without being inside you then do NOT, and I repeat DO NOT fuck him five minutes after meeting him.

The reason Nick’s still around wanting me all the time isn’t just because I’m good at getting him off or even that we love each other. It’s that I made him wait, made him learn. Made him want me so badly that he told me that he literally saw stars when we finally had sex. And to be perfectly honest so did I. Six months of verbal foreplay is enough to make anyone crazy. And also the fact that our first time with each other was completely spontaneous made it that much more amazing. It was on an off night for the band and he’d been on vacation to visit me and also escape some serious parental drama going on at home. But we went out just walking in the small college town that we were staying in and we come across the indoor competition pool for the college. Now if you’ve seen the movie Slackers you’ll totally understand that about a million light bulbs went off in my head. We snuck into the closed building that was lit only by the pool and faint lights from the locker room.

Now this pool had a deep-end as well so I took him over to that end and told him we’re going for a swim. He had this smirk that was just amazing. So I started to strip down to my underwear as I climbed up to the high platform dive. Luckily I had put on my slightly sexier than everyday underwear and well I think Nick enjoyed the view of my climbing up the ladder to the platform. He followed stripping down to his boxers. We stood at the top of the platform and he freaked out a little at how high we were. So I made him jump in with me to make it a little easier to handle. Basically we swam around splashing and playing and having a major flirting contest. He finally caught me from our little game of water tag and we kissed for the longest time.

We’d never kissed like that especially in a pool in just our underwear. I knew at that moment that I wanted him and that he wanted me. Not just to have sex and get off, but really wanted each other. I pulled away from him and went to get out with him right behind me. Keeping in mind the scene from one of my favorite stoner-type comedies, I had him chase me to where the huge stack of towels were making him trip over them sending them flying everywhere. This of course led to him pulling me on top of him in retaliation for my laughter and progressed to some of the hottest sex either of us had ever had. And he’s the only one who’s ever been able to match that intensity or even top it.

I guess people wonder why I’m so promiscuous. Well let me let you in on a secret that only the band, Jeff, and Nick know.

I was raped.

Yes, raped. I know it’s an extremely touchy subject but I was fourteen years old when it happened.

And the boyfriend I had when I was 18 wasn’t much better; he was all sweet and charming until he wanted to have sex. He manipulated me into having sex with him, convincing me that I was moving on with my life even gave me ultimatums that he’d break up with me if I didn’t sleep with him. So I slept with him, I wasn’t ready but that didn’t seem to faze him or stop him for that matter. He never cared whether or not I came and after a while he became abusive.

Emotionally, verbally and physically abusive.

After I got out of that relationship, mind you it ended up with him ending up in the hospital because Drew finally found out what had been going on, I promised myself that I would never let a guy do that to me again. Drew is my best friend; my other half and I hid that from him for 2 years. He still hasn’t forgiven me for not telling him and I don’t blame him. I was stupid, naïve and afraid.

Sex after that was just a way to get back at men. They became my playthings that I used for my own personal pleasure and threw away. I never played mind games. That was never my thing. I always made it clear that I only wanted to get off and what they did afterwards was their business not mine. Of course I was and still am ALWAYS careful, the pill, condoms, everything.

Connor was the one who got me out of that. He and I were friends and he knew the whole story. One night he told me that he really wanted to be with me to make me feel like I was respected instead of just an object of lust. He made me make a move on him told me that it had to be my decision to sleep with him. And it worked. We had sex and it was good and for once I felt like a human being instead of sex object.

He and I had a good thing going but the novelty wore off. We soon discovered that we only liked each other as friends. Well more like I realized that I only wanted to be friends.

And then Nick came into the picture.

The minute I met him I was completely attracted to him. Wanted him to want me, but Connor had taught me that if I wanted a man to love me that I needed to make him wait, make his desire to possess me become his only awareness.

Connor didn’t like Nick. Mostly because Connor still has feelings for me. He got over it though when he realized how cool Nick is. Nick’s not the typical pop star. Of course he’s a good guy, sweet, romantic when he wants to be, goofy and intelligent (even though he hides it he’s really quite smart). But he’s different than what you’d expect him to be. He’s not a self-centered arrogant narcissist. He may act all confident on stage and to fans and groupies. However he’s got this vulnerability about him that’s so completely sexy. He’s insecure about his looks, his talent and his intelligence. The man is ALWAYS putting himself down.

And he shouldn’t.

I mean yeah he does stupid stuff, but he’s human and like all humans he’s not perfect despite what his fans think.

And Paris exploited his vulnerabilities to manipulate him. I hate the bitch, like seriously hate. I’ve met her and she was a complete flake, idiotic and completely rude. I ran into them at P. Diddy’s white party in the Hampton’s. Nick was pissed off and a tad drunk because she was giving a guy a lap dance right in front of him. I would have hauled off and slapped her silly, but Nick’s not like that he completely abhors violence on women. He seethed, and drank, I spotted him and we talked. She came strutting over and called him Nicky. No one gets to call him that but the guys and his mother. Hell not even his mother is allowed to call him that! I could see him cringe at the name.

I never called him that, mostly because I felt it made him younger than he is.

The name I liked to call him by was Nickolas. He loved it because my voice would get all low and seductive when I’d say it. He always said it made him feel more like an adult as if I were treating him like an equal. I’m guessing he didn’t get that a lot. His band mates all treated him like their baby brother because those four pretty much raised him. They were there for him when his parents couldn’t or wouldn’t be there. Taught him how to talk to girls, coached his voice through puberty when his voice was changing right in the middle of recording their first album. They’re his family, more so than his own except for his siblings of course.

When I met Howie, I realized how much Nick looks up to them. Nick was beaming that Howie had come to see him. He was on his solo tour and I was visiting for two days. You can tell where Nick had been taught how to be romantic. Howie is the epitome of the all around good guy and was completely genuine and nice to me even though Nick and I were just beginning to see each other.

Howie gave me the ‘that’s my brother’ speech and I knew right then how much Nick’s band mates love him. I told Howie that I had no intentions of hurting him. And I never have had the intent of hurting him but shit like that happened. We hurt each other because we were stupid and in love. We said things that we both truly regret.

**Nick**

Regret…

I fucking hate that feeling. But that’s what I feel right now, regret. Mainly because I brought the blonde, who had been pawing at me and whispering that she conveniently forgot to wear panties in my ear, back to the hotel has dropped to her knees in front of me and is unzipping my jeans.

I don’t want her. I want Evan’s mouth not Kristy…Katie…something that starts with a K. I feel the girl’s mouth close around my cock and I can’t help it, I moan and slouch further on the couch of my suite. I just can’t help it; it feels so good. I close my eyes and I see Evan. See her looking at me with that wicked gleam in her eyes as she strips off her clothing exposing all that delicious skin for me to touch and taste. Especially like the first time we had sex. It was completely spontaneous and unexpected. An impromptu swim in a closed college pool that led to mind blowing sex, I’ll never forget that night; the way she looked swimming around in her underwear; the satisfied grin she had afterwards.

Completely lost in my fantasy I don’t even realize that I came growling Evan’s name.

“Who’s Evan?” The girl asked wiping her mouth as she moved to sit next to me.

“The woman I love.”

The girl gave me a look that said ‘are you kidding me?’ “If you’re in love then why are you letting a girl like me suck you off?” She whispered in my ear nipping at my neck.

I gave the girl a pitiful look, “Why the fuck do you care?”

The girl smirked at me and moved to straddle my hips. “Because I’d like to know why you’re thinking of another woman when you’ve got one right here willing to let you do anything.” She purred at me grinding her hips against my exposed lower half.

Fuck…why did girls like this have to be so forward? Why did they have to know just what buttons to push?

“Get naked and turn around.” I commanded and stripped off the rest of my clothing and grabbed a condom from my wallet thanking myself for being prepared. I know; I know I should be pinning away for Evan, probably end up jerking off like a lovesick teenager. But damnit if she’s going to fuck other guys then fine I’ll fuck other girls.

I situated myself tossing the condom wrapper on the floor and grasped, Kathy…Kasey…who-the-fuck-ever’s hip and thrust into her hard making her back arch and her moan loudly. I wanted this over with so I could shower get the cheap perfume smell off of me. I moved against her hard and deep making sure to reach around her to run my hands along the front of her.

My mind immediately began comparing this girl to Evan. Evan has much nicer curves than this girl, rounder hips, definitely a better rack, Evan’s aren’t saline or silicone. And my Evan has much nicer ass than this little groupie. I kept my pace fast and erratic feeling her contract around me as she shouted and shuddered as she came. Thank God, I thrusted a couple more times and came, no screaming, no shuddering…just blessed relief.

Collapsing back onto the couch the girl turned to me giving me a devilish smirk. God I hope she doesn’t think she’ll get another round. “You are such a sex god.” She stated staring me straight in the eye.

Whatever, I hear that all the time, completely meaningless coming from these girls. They’d fuck anyone with fame, money and a pretty face. “Thanks.” I replied flatly getting up discarding the condom in the trash in the bathroom and turned on the water.

Blonde girl followed me into the bathroom, “Oooo sex in the shower, nice.”

I shot her a look, “Actually no, I prefer to shower alone.” I lied. So what? I didn’t want her here longer I needed the shower wash the smell of her off of me. The only woman I want in my shower is a few hundred miles away in some dinky midwestern town while I’m here in New York, getting ready for our promo tour that starts in a week, hoping to God this girl gets the hell out of my hotel room.

She got a disappointed look on her face and trailed her hand down my abdomen. “Let me convince you otherwise…”

I rolled my eyes and pushed her hand away. “No, you had your fun now just go.” I hadn’t meant to be cruel but I couldn’t have her there anymore. I needed Evan, how much longer could we go on like this?

**Evan**

I couldn’t hold on any longer as my body exploded in release collapsing against the tall, dark and handsome guy underneath me. Good Lord I was wrong about the Midwest…shit farm boys are hot! Rolling off of him I looked at the sated satisfied body next to me. What was his name again? Eh, who cares? He was hot though, dark brown hair, brown eyes, tall and lean, definitely a farm boy. I grinned at him noticing the sleepy contented grin on his face, yeah I’m that good. I got up throwing him his clothes and went towards the bathroom.

The farm boy stopped me pulling me against him. I fought the urge to immediately recoil and deck the guy. “Evan tonight was amazing…will I see you again?” He asked his brown eyes pleading with me.

I smiled at him and wriggled from his grasp. “Probably not. Sorry darlin’ but I’m a very busy girl.” I saw his expression fall and I felt a little sorry for him. He was this sweet midwestern farm boy who got it on with a rock star of course he wants to keep me around. But that’s my thing only one guy gets me more than once and that would be the one whose in New York at the moment, probably just got done fucking some chippie bimbo he picked out of the crowd at a club, after he had rehearsals and interviews.

Okay, okay I admit it…

I’m a little jealous, as I’m sure he is as well. I get into the shower as farm boy leaves and wash myself standing under the scalding spray. I get out and dry off pulling on a silky nightshirt that buttoned down to my mid thigh. I walked over to the bed thanking myself for fucking on the floor instead of the bed. Sighing I laid myself down on the bed grabbing my cell phone dialing his number. I needed to talk to him.

I heard him pick up the phone with a hurried, “’Lo?”

**Nick**

I heard her sigh and speak softly, “Why is it that I can’t stop thinking about you?”

Sighing, I laid back on the bed of the suite running my hand through my damp hair. I could tell by the sound of her voice she’d gotten laid that twinge of sadness was more evident than ever. “I thought there were no cute boys in Decatur?” I asked using the line from that song her and Caitie always play at the beginning of every tour.

She chuckled softly at me, “I think I found the only one, and we’re in Ohio by the way. But anyways I felt bad though innocent little farm boy got laid by a rock star and then gets told to leave.”

“My, my Evie are you growing a conscience?” I replied sarcastically. She was really calloused about the whole groupie thing, about as much as I was.

“Everytime I closed my eyes I’d see you. I can’t even enjoy sex without having to fantasize about you.” She admitted and my breath caught. Shit she’s having the same problem I am.

“Me too, I said your name when I came. God baby it’s just…I miss you.” Shit I did not want to get emotional about this! Evan and I do not do emotional well. Sexual, yes very well, but anything resembling emotion…totally not us. I mean we both show emotion, we say ‘I love you’ but we did not do overwrought and sadness at all. Both Evan and I liked to bottle up any sadness or pain we certainly did not like sharing it.

I heard her sniffle a little, damnit no she can’t cry. Please don’t cry. If she starts then I will and we’ll be a blubbery overwrought mess.

“I miss you too Nickolas.”

Fuck…me… Did she have to call me that? I love, love, LOVED it when she said my name like that. It made me feel more like an adult, like I’m her equal. She made me want her so much just with that one name.

I decided to be equally teasing to her, “Kitten…” I heard the soft gasp in her throat. She fucking loved it when I called her that. I’d said it once as a joke because she always stretches out like a cat when she’s sleepy. The second I’d said it the look she got on her face just screamed LUST. Hence ever since then she’s been kitten…my kitten. “I heard that…that little gasp when I called you kitten.”

She sighed and gave a little breathy whimper…I recognized that whimper…is she…? Oh God…

“Do you realize how much that name affects me? Like I’m a sex kitten or something.”

I noticed her breathing had changed into short breathy gasps…son of a bitch she gets laid and then calls me for what phone sex? Hmm I better make this good then…

**Evan**

“Kitten where are your hands?” He asked his voice dropping a couple of octaves. Jesus, does he have to call me kitten? Good God that name, the sound of his voice I could feel myself getting wet again.

My hands were at my neck kneading some of the tension from them but one trailed down to my collarbone. “On my neck…” I answered him.

“Where are you?” He breathed I could hear him shift a little hearing the springs in his hotel bed squeak just a little.

“Lying on my hotel bed…do you want to know what I’m wearing?”

I smiled to myself when I heard him gasp a little; yes I loved knowing I affected him. “…Yeah…”

“That green silk pajama shirt I bought for you then swiped from your closet.”

“Anything else?” He asked damn his voice was all low and raspy. Okay one good thing that came out of his smoking habit was that his voice got a little raspy and it was just sexy as all hell. At least though he quit smoking, along with myself. It was ruining my voice and I knew it’d do the same to him if he kept at it. So it was really good that we both quit at the same time.

“Underneath the silk? Nope, just me all fresh from the shower. How about you?”

I heard him sigh when I revealed that information and then I heard him reply, “Just a towel.”

Holy…mother…of…

**Nick**

I heard her breathing stop at my admission to wearing only a towel. It was true I’d just stepped out of the shower when my sidekick starting ringing. “Ev, honey, breathe.” I stated unsuccessfully holding back a snicker.

I heard her take in a deep breath and let it out before she spoke. “Christ Nick are you trying to kill me here?”

I had to laugh at her comment it was just hilarious to me. “And this coming from the woman who happens to be wearing green silk nightshirt and nothing else.” I retorted making her giggle a little.

“What green silk nightshirt?” She countered. Damn she’s naked and she didn’t even tell me!

“Now who’s not playing fair?” I shot back.

She giggled again. Did I ever say how much I love that giggle? “So when are we seeing each other again?” She asked changing the subject.

Damnit I didn’t want to look at my schedule I wanted to have phone sex with my sort of girlfriend. Reluctantly I got up grabbing her tour itinerary and mine. I looked between the two of them seeing the portions I’d highlighted where we’d be in the same town at the same time. We’d be seeing each other in…

Wait a second, we have our club tour starting next week here in New York on the same day her album drops, she’s going to be at TRL that day, then to VH-1 and to Virgin for a record signing/meet and greet. Meaning…hell yeah she’s going to be in the city.

**Evan**

“How’s next week sound?” I heard him ask hearing papers rustling.

Next week?

Next week we have TRL, the Today Show, VH-1, Virgin Mega-store and then three interviews with radio stations. The only time off we’d have is that night until the morning when we’d have to fly back to Chicago for a show that night.

“That soon?” We’d only been separated for five days and now we’re seeing each other in less than a week? Shit that never happened the first time around. It was more like weeks, sometimes months at a time. I know; I know why are we jumping into bed with other people when we’ve only been apart a few days. Well… let’s just say he and I are very contact oriented people. We both crave physical contact whether it’s leaning on our band mates in a photo shoot or just someone to have for a moment then toss away. It’s a little soon I know, but we thought we weren’t going to see each other for at least a couple of weeks, maybe even a month or two. Last time all we did was mope when we weren’t together, but this way it can make the separation easier.

Okay, yeah even I’m not buying my own line of bull.

I heard him chuckle at my question, “Well I’ll understand if you’d rather not see me. I’m sure there are plenty of hot guys here in New York.”

What a gobshite!!! Of course I’ll want to see him.

“Nick, please tell me you’re joking.”

He laughed, he fucking laughed! “Trust me just knowing that you’ll be in the city as me not more than just a few blocks away; everyone is going to have to chain me to a wall to keep me from ripping your clothes off.”

My entire body shuddered, as in full on shuddered, goosebumps and all! Nick…chained to a wall…oh the possibilities.

“Chains…th-that…could be hot.” I stammered…I never stammer.

“Damn woman are you always into kinky things like that?”

I had to giggle at him, it’s not like he hadn’t come up with a lot of ideas himself. “And you’re all saintly.” I retorted sarcastically.

**Nick**

Saintly? Yeah right…

I’ve never been saintly! Even when I was a kid I was never well behaved. Ask my mom…well okay don’t ask her. But I can tell you that I gave her quite a few gray hairs. Some may call it childhood mischief.

Mischief…ha down right diabolical is more like it. And don’t even get me started on the shit I’d pull on my sisters. Hearing them shriek in surprise or horror was a major source of amusement for me. Sometimes it still is, however they learned that I don’t like revenge. So I try not to pull stuff on them anymore…especially Aaron and Angel…they’ve seen my tricks over the years and learned from my ‘example’ and damn they’re good.

But back to my point…me saintly? I’m glad Evan was being sarcastic, after all the things we’ve done together she better not think I’m the least bit saintly. But damn what was her fascination with being tied up? Or more specifically having me restrained. Damn control freak.

“So should I locate the nearest hardware store and get some for next week?” I shot back completely avoiding her earlier remark. I heard her gasp and moan softly obviously thinking of my proposition.

Ah this is going to be fun.

Chapter Four: Complications, Shmomplications

**Drew**

My twin is certifiably insane. Seriously I love my sister. She's my other half but dear God she needs to stop over thinking everything.

This whole open relationship shite is just so completely stupid. I mean I realize why she's doing it, but I cannot believe Nick is going along with it. But then again get as much ass as he wants and still have Evan as his girlfriend... yeah I don't see where any guy would turn that down.

Okay I can see where Nick would turn it down. Mainly because if he's getting laid without Evan, that means she's getting some without him. And that ladies and gentlemen is not going to sit very well with him for long. I know him, and he's possessive. Not to the point of violence of course, but as I recall he HATED hearing about Evan with any other guy. If a guy that is what Evan considers attractive talks to her in front of Nick, he tries his best to behave to not go all green eyed monster on everyone but you can see in his eyes that he does not like another man even close to her. He can handle it if she's friendly with the guy, like Connor or Nate. Nick hated Connor at first. Especially if Connor would try to mark his territory with Evan by putting his arm around her or trying to be affectionate back when Nick was ‘just a friend'.

Evan soon realized that she didn't really like Connor that much as more than friends. So she let him down easy. It hurt him a lot to hear that she wasn't that interested but I think he's using that disappointment to channel into the music. Ever since then he's been extremely dedicated to the band, which is awesome of course, the guy is one of the best bassists in the business.

Nick would ask me all the time if I knew of what Evan thought of him. Ah, those memories, so amusing I swear. I loved torturing the guy about his huge crush on my sister. I wouldn't tell him anything about what she felt until I knew for sure he wasn't going to hurt her. She's been hurt too many times by assholes and I was hoping that he would be good for her. And he is, true they fought a lot and argued and accused each other over stupid things, but it was because they were so afraid of getting hurt that they let tabloid rumors go to their heads. Although they did never confirm nor deny that they were a couple, but the tabs figured it out pretty damn quick that there was something more than friendship brewing between the two of them.

I guess it's kind of funny looking back on it now. Just as Evan and Nick were breaking up I met my girlfriend Harley. Yeah her dad's a Hell's Angel so you can guess where her name came from. She's my girl, completely sweet and beautiful, completely understands my love of music and my close relationship with my sisters. Harley's my world, so much so that I'm flying her out on tour soon because I miss her so much. I guess she's not my typical girl, normally I go for the Irish looking girl, red hair, blue or green eyes, fair skin. However Harley is exotic looking, tall, curvy, long black hair, piercing brown eyes and a deep natural tan. She's part Cuban, and part Greek. Pretty amazing combination if you ask me. Her mother is simply amazing, a real biker chick along with her father. But Harley, as much as she loves motorcycles, she's not that tough girl you'd expect her to be. She's got a softness to her demeanor that makes you just want to kiss the hell out of her.

Okay, okay I'm completely head over heels in love with her. I'm planning on asking her to marry me. Hell I think we'll elope. Her parents would think it would be cool. My parents...that's another story...Mom would be pissed if we didn't have a Catholic wedding and Dad would be fuming if the Marine Corps band doesn't play at the reception.

But yeah Harley is my love; my life and I would die to make her into my wife. Hmmm maybe I should write a song about that?

I glance over at my sisters, God how did I get so lucky? I have two beautiful, talented and wonderful sisters whom I'd do anything for. I know it sounds stupid and trite but honestly I love them. Evan is my twin, we've shared nearly everything together growing up it was like having this best friend instilled from birth. And frankly I loved it. Yeah we fought but honest to God that was rare. And then Caitlin? I was afraid when she was first born that Evan wouldn't care about me anymore since she had a little girl to play with, but Evan included me with everything we'd do with Caitie. Not many of us could deal with the move to Ireland, and having Caitie made it that much easier on Evie and I. But still having sisters has given me a glimpse into the mind of a woman, and sorry boys but they're a lot like us. They have the same needs we do. Yeah they're more in tune with their emotions but still, everyone's got emotional and physical needs don't they?

***Evan***

Physical needs...guh I hate them. I'm so horny right now I could scream. And the worst part about that....I'm about to go on Much Music and answer questions when all I want to do is either grab a groupie, or well call Nick. Actually I really just want to call Nick. Is that completely plonker-ish of me? I mean come on I can fuck whomever I want...yet all I want is a blonde boy whose in New York while I'm up here in Toronto. It's a cold day in Hell. I, Evan Marie Devereaux am so head over heels for one guy...that I don't even want anyone else. I think it's just so pathetic of me to just want one guy. I'm a rockstar I should be knee-deep in hot as hell groupies. It's not fidelity, drugs and rock and roll now is it? Didn't think so.

All I need is five minutes...just...

"Ev...? They're calling us." Drew told me getting an amused look on his face. Honestly sometimes I hated having a twin. He knew me just too well. I heard cheering and grinned I love my fans.

"Welcome everyone to the show, how's the tour going so far?" The VJ asked grinning at all of us. Man I miss Much Music they are always  so awesome.

"Great." I answered along with the guys. This is the one thing I hate about televised live interviews. No matter how many times, how many different places, it's all the same. Trying to put a fresh spin on the same tired answer to the same tired questions.

"So...little surprise for you guys...we're going to let the fans ask the questions." The VJ announced making everyone scream. Fuck.

Okay I can totally handle this, our fans have a tendency of asking the penetrating questions about our personal lives. Back in 2003 when Nick and I were first together they'd ask all kinds of questions...especially the girls. Some guys would be like ‘I can be better than some loser pop star.' Uh huh sure...that's why I'm with him is because he's in the largest selling pop band ever.  People are seriously stupid sometimes when it comes to fame. Yeah him being famous and all allowed him to get near me faster but honestly I'm a huge believer in fate and I believe he was brought into my life...to prepare me for what's to come. Sad to say but our relationship back then let me get a bit of publicity for the band. I hated the fact that it did. But it let me see how fickle fame can be and you know I learned that you got to be ahead of the game to keep your band fresh. And that's all we've done we were emo before emo was cool then we changed to more gothic rock on our last album and damn did we start hitting it big. Our faster songs ended up in movies, as well as a few ballads. All of these songs were extremely personal and never once did I think someone could use it in a movie. Hearing my voice in a movie theater with Ben Affleck and Jen Garner on the screen? HELL YEAH! Nick was so proud especially since it was a comic book movie.

I watched as everyone calmed down and I sighed here we go. "First question comes from Aaron from right here in Toronto. He asks..."

***Nick***

"SHH!!" I practically yell at everyone I really wanted to hear this interview. We had an hour in between interviews and I really wanted to hear and see Evan on television and fuck...she looks good.

"Before making music what did you guys do to make money?"

I rolled my eyes, fans sometimes ask the STUPIDEST and most mundane questions but hell you can have fun with the fans that way can't ya? I watched Evan and Drew exchange a glance uh oh. I know that look that means they've got blackmail on each other. I loved it whenever they'd look at each other like that. It usually meant one of two things, they're planning a practical joke, or...they're gonna tell funny stories about each other.

"Well I know that Evie and I used to work at the local McDonalds at home in Ireland." He replied you could totally hear the accent come out when he pronounced Ireland. I loved their accent, it was just so...comfortable I guess.

"Yeah I worked ten minutes with a fryer and I quit, no human being should be subjected to that kind of torture!" Evan added laughing a little. It was a bit hard to imagine...Evan in a McDonalds uniform? Ha! She'd probably have the sleeves rolled up, had a pack of cigarettes in one sleeve or one of the pockets and have the hat on backwards knowing her.

"I think Connor's got the most interesting." Drew added as well.

Connor blushed slightly, damn never as long as I've known him I've never seen him do that before. "Mine is working at my dad's club as a waiter."

"And what kind of club Con?" Evan retorted with a snarky grin.

"My dad owns a strip joint in Tampa he put me to work at 18." Connor admitted.

Shit I didn't even know that! In a way though it its, how he's so good with women. He probably learned from strippers how to treat women. Odd I know but he's remarkably respectable to women always being the good guy in their lives. He was the same with Evan before I met her.

Which I'm eternally grateful for; I know he and I sort of clashed a bit at first but I realize now that he was only doing it to make sure I wouldn't hurt her. That, right there is completely admirable. And then you add in the fact that he restored her faith in men after everything she went through...Pretty much he's an okay guy in my book.

"Next up we have John from Ontario and his question is ‘if you could sleep with any celebrity who would it be and why?'"

Oh dear God...seriously?! I mean I've been asked similar questions over the years but damn you'd think there would be some difference from the teenies and their questions and serious rock fans! I heard the normal guy answers from all of the guys, Scarlet, Julia, Angelina...Jessica Simpson...or as I like to call her Tits McGee. Then it was Ev's turn...and honestly I've learned never to expect anything from her, or to predict anything but I'd think she'd say something like Jensen Ackles, David Boreanez (yes she's a total sci-fi freak so Supernatural and Angel...they rank as some of her favorite shows.)

But...then again it's Evan I should really learn not to expect anything from her anymore.

She bit her bottom lip grinning deviously then cocked her head to the side and replied...."Jessica Alba...." As soon as the words flew out of her mouth everyone in both rooms, hers, and mine looked at her in shock. Then the guys all looked at me surprised expressions on their faces and a shrugged, smirking.

"Guess we have that in common..." I remarked. It was about all I can even think of to say because right now in my head...the image of those two is permanently moved into the front of my consciousness...Fuck me that would be hot.

"Any reason why you say the lovely Miss Alba?" The VJ asked with an equally shocked expression trying to mask it with a smile.

Evan shrugged, she fucking shrugged! "I don't know I mean she's hot...definitely has the whole sweet girl next door, who could kick your arse so I kind of find that attractive. As far as males are concerned, I have a lot of male celebrity crushes but I don't think I would say I'd go around boinking with any of them." She replied chuckling to herself.

Yeah, and then it would get out into the tabloids which Evan and I are definitely not fans of by any means. We had a tough enough time the first time around keeping our relationship from the tabloids, which I still think one of my friends at home in Florida ratted us out...probably was Bean. Note to self: never tell him anything in confidence.

But still the tabloids are well the tabs. Sometimes they're accurate, most of the time they are not. They were dead on that she and I were an item, and dead wrong that we were cheating on each other.

And being young dumb and completely head over heels and thousands of miles apart made us both believe it. So why do we think we can avoid that this time around? Are we really any smarter, wiser, more mature than just a couple of years ago?

I mean who are we kidding? Shit, I should call her, get myself out of this funk I'm in.

**Evan**

Thank God this interview is over...Seriously I love my fans but sometimes I'd rather hear them cheering and singing along than doing any amount of thinking or speaking. The questions were...different that's for sure but couldn't they think of something that related to the music?
The music is why we get to go on the television shows, do the tours, make money, meet the fans, and so forth. But all they could think to ask is what celebrity we want to shag?

So I came up with a generic answer, Jessica Alba. A surefire way to get them all twisted in their knickers for sure. I could have said Nick, because he's a celebrity and I do want to shag him and obviously I have in the past. But then again that would open a whole new can of worms that I really don't want to get into on a national television show.

So why Jessica Alba...it's not that I find her particularly hot or anything or any reason why I said on the show but it's because I knew it'd be shocking and different for a girl to say she'd totally have sex with another girl. And I'm sure it's going to get Nick's motor running, like every other male on the planet she's one of the hundreds of girls that flash through his head when he considers the hotness factor of another girl. Although she's no Angelina Jolie (who in my opinion is hotter).

But still not the point...I said it because it was shocking and different than saying Jude Law or someone like that. After all half the battle in this business is all about publicity. There is no such thing as bad publicity, and I'm sure I'm going to get a phone call later from Mom. Dad will never ask the question, he's a military bloke...you know don't ask, don't tell is definitely his policy.

I know that maybe saying a chick wasn't the best idea, it's definitely going to get the rumor mill going into overdrive thinking I could be switching teams. Which as you know is the farthest thing from the truth.

I realize now that its one more complication I've just added to my life. But at least it keeps the tabloids off the scent of Nick and I. Weird to say that again...Nick and I. I mean we're not a couple, we are but we aren't at the same time.

Lord all this complexity in my life, complexity that I brought on is making my head hurt.