December 25, 2001 Tampa, Florida

The entire household, except Nick, had a little game they played. It involved a phrase that was used to describe Nick walking around the house. They usually all heard it at the same time, looked up, and the first person who said “Herd of elephants” in response to the thunderous footsteps won. They didn’t win anything, but it was entertaining nonetheless.

“Herd of elephants,” Lynn said and both her husband and Tina laughed.

Nick made his way down the rest of the stairs and into the kitchen with Parker hot on his heels, “What’s so funny?” he asked after seeing everyone chuckling as he walked through the door.

The three of them gave him a look, taking in the fact that he was just in a pair of basketball shorts and nothing else, his newly acquired belly hanging slightly over the waistband. He stuck out just a little compared to the Christmas-themed pyjamas that the rest of them were sporting as part of their holiday traditions.

“Nothing sweetheart,” Tina said with a smile, “Do you want some coffee?” Her parents had come over just before seven and started the coffee, wanting to help Tina get ready for the chaos that would be Christmas. Getting Nick out of bed had been a bit of a challenge. He and Parker were still cuddled up sleeping at eight when Tina woke them up. Zoey was already up, changed, and ready for her first bottle of the day by that point so she was ready to get the show on the road.

“I would love some,” he replied, still standing just inside the doorway. Parker had been attached to his leg nearly permanently since they’d gotten up. He had a tendency to act that way any time Nick was angry with him, like he thought that if he was clingy Nick would forget he was ever mad.

“Daddy? What’s this?” Parker asked and Nick rolled his eyes. Tina just smiled and continued to pour the cup of coffee. The little boy had become very inquisitive, wanting to know what things were, how they worked, and why they existed. It could be a little grating at times, especially when there wasn’t a lot of time to answer the ‘who, what, where, when, and why’ of everything in the world but Tina thought it was cute. She found it very interesting to see how Parker seemed to develop. Every day he had a new word, or catchphrase and she couldn’t wait to see him perfect the art of getting up and down his new slide once he opened his gifts.

“My pocket,” he answered, pulling the boy’s fingers out of his pocket.

“Daddy, what’s this?”

“My bellybutton.”

“Daddy, what’s this?”

“Ow!” Nick yelled out, alarming everyone in the room. He was hunched over, holding a hand protectively over the family jewels, “None of your business! That’s what it is!”

Parker’s chin was quivering and Tina immediately swooped in, picking him up and bouncing him slightly in her arms.

“We’re gonna open presents! Do you want to see what Santa brought you?” she asked in an excited voice but Parker was still looking at his father. He held his arms out to Nick, his eyes ready to spill over with tears.

Nick had his arms crossed over his chest, staring back at Parker with the same blue eyes, “No, I don’t want to hold you. You hurt me.”

“Nick, it’s Christmas,” Tina pleaded, “Please. His birthday was ruined; please don’t ruin this for him.”

“Are you insinuating that I ruined his birthday? Do you know everything I had to do to get an hour off to talk to him? His birthday was only ruined by his shitty attitude,” Nick said stubbornly, still not making a move towards Parker who was practically horizontal in his efforts to reach his Dad.

“He’s three,” Lynn interjected, not able to sit by and watch a fight break out on Christmas morning, “He has an attitude because he doesn’t know how else to express himself. He’s still learning how to do that. The rest of the time his attitude is bad because he learns bad habits from you.”

The older woman got out of her seat and moved to Tina, pulling Parker into her arms, “That was Daddy’s penis you grabbed,” she told him frankly, and Nick turned red with embarrassment at both the sound of the word and the fact that it came out of Lynn’s mouth, “You can’t pull on it because it hurts Daddy a lot.”

“Like me?” Parker asked, his eyes drifting southward.

“Just like you,” Lynn agreed, “And you don’t want to hurt Daddy do you?”

Parker shook his head innocently, his eyes flitting from his grandmother over to his father and back, “No. We open pwesants now?”

All the adults let out a sigh of relief with the question, glad that the awkwardness could finally be over.

“Go into the living room and we’ll be right in,” Lynn instructed the boy putting him down on the ground so he could scamper off, “Now as for you...” she pointed at Nick, “Play nice. Have a bath with him later and explain to him what he did. For now though, control your temper, he’s the one who gets to act like a little kid not you.”

Nick glared at the older woman, biting back the vile comment he had prepared in his head for her, “He’s my son, not yours-” he said but before he could continue a plastic bottle was slapped against his chest.

“Feed Zoey and just shut your mouth for an hour if you’re going to be hateful?” Tina asked and Nick’s eyes went wide, surprised by her outburst. She generally wasn’t the type to stand up to him, especially not in front of her parents. She usually just had her mother fight her battles for her.

He grabbed the bottle and stared her down, “You guys are the ones turning this into something it’s not.”

“You’re so blind,” Tina shook her head, “And so selfish. This is Parker’s day. Stop being a Backstreet Boy for a little while and just be his Dad? Please?”

Nick played with the bottle in his hand and Tina could tell he was trying not to react. She held her ground though, keeping eye contact with him until he finally turned around and left to get Zoey out of her playpen.

~*~

He mentally kicked himself as he picked the baby up, cradling her in his arms. He didn’t know why he acted the way he did. It was as if he had no control over his emotions, no filter between his brain and his mouth. He had told himself he wasn’t going to fight with Tina on Christmas, and he didn’t want to be mad at Parker ever.

With a sigh Nick sat down on the couch, Zoey laid across his forearm drinking from her bottle greedily. He hadn’t meant to overreact with Parker, but he got so worried and had freaked out when the little boy was sticking his little fingers in his pocket.

“Daddy is these all for me?” Parker asked and Nick glanced up to see him rooting through the presents under the tree.

“Yup, they’re all for you. It’s because we love you,” he answered, his eyes drifting back down to Zoey who looked practically catatonic despite the fact that she was still steadily eating from her bottle.

His hand drifted to his pocket and he felt the small box sitting there. This was supposed to be a special morning. He was going to ask Tina to marry him, the proper way. That was his Christmas present to her.

He had a long conversation with his Dad who had convinced him that it was only fair for him to give something to Tina for all the things that she had given to him. His father had told him that if all Tina ever wanted from him was a ring and a wedding he should consider himself a lucky man. The more he thought about it he realized he didn’t have any immediate plans on being with anyone else. He wanted to make this family work and he knew that the only person holding back their happiness was him.

He couldn’t seem to stop screwing things up though. It was like he was allergic to doing the right thing. He shouldn’t have gotten angry over Parker, he knew that, but he mostly reacted that way because he hated that Lynn was always so quick to judge him. He had never been a father before and he was never given the opportunity to make mistakes. She was always on him telling him what he was doing wrong, telling him what he needed to do before he could figure it out for himself. He couldn’t get the opportunity to live and learn because there was always someone looking over his shoulder to make sure he never made a mistake.

“Daddy? What does this say?” Parker said, holding up a box close to Nick’s face.

“It says to Nick,” he answered and Parker looked concerned, his brow furrowed in a way that reminded him of his own reflection, “What’s wrong buddy?”

“Daddy...” Parker said breathily, “We have to call Santa! Quick!”

“What’s wrong now?” Tina asked as she came into the room and put Nick’s coffee down on the table in front of him.

“We have to call Santa!” Parker repeated, his eyes panicked, “He bwought us the wong pwesants!”

“What do you mean?” Nick couldn’t help but laugh. He handed Zoey over to Tina to burp her and pulled Parker to stand between his knees.

“That is for Nick,” Parker said as he pointed to the box, enunciating the words as if his father would have a hard time following along, “We have Nick’s pwesants. Nick has ours! We have to call Santa!”

His childish innocence was exactly what was needed to break the ice. The adults couldn’t help but laugh and Nick pulled Parker into a tight hug.

“I’m Nick,” he clarified, running a hand over Parker’s hair, “Those presents are for me. That’s my name.”

“Your name is Daddy,” Parker clarified matter-of-factly, “Change it on the Santa list next year please.”

“I will,” Nick assured him with a quick kiss on the forehead, “I’ll let him know right away. Now let’s open some presents!”

“Yay!” Parker yelled, practically nose-diving under the tree to get his loot.