June 01, 2002 Tampa, Florida

After the blow out with the pills Max had unknowingly created a huge chasm in the middle of Tina and Nick’s relationship. He had refused to bend, and rather than softening and giving Tina her belongings back he had kept them as a constant reminder of her betrayal. It had turned into a power game, and he fought to make sure he would always come out the winner.

The struggle over who controlled the power in their relationship had slowly pulled them apart. Tina became bitter and resentful and Nick became more chauvinistic and controlling. It got to the point that by the time spring began they barely spoke unless it was about the kids. All of the hard work they’d done on their relationship near Christmas had unravelled in the span of a month. As a result, Nick consumed himself with work; deciding to follow through on plans to start a solo album, and Tina, who had no outlet, had only become angrier. They were both relieved when Nick decided that he wanted to do some recording in Sweden. Tina practically had his bags packed for him before he’d even said when he was going.

Five weeks Nick had been away in Stockholm writing and recording his album. He’d spent more than his fair share of nights out on the town, drinking and flirting but eventually it became tiresome. He missed Parker and Zoey and as much as he hadn’t wanted to admit it, he missed Tina. After some time for personal reflection he knew that he’d been in the wrong. It wasn’t his right to hold material belongings hostage until he got what he wanted. He had been blind to that, he realized. He had put his own anger, his own selfishness ahead of what was fair and right. It was Max Martin that ultimately knocked some sense into him. He had been singing the man’s songs and working with him since he was just a kid and he had always felt that he could be open and honest with him. He always respected his opinion, even when it didn’t align with his own. Max had told Nick that he had his own growing up to do and part of that was realizing that he needed to learn how to compromise.  It was starting to become a theme; the word compromise. Nick had been hearing it from everyone he talked to about his relationship from his father to his friend. They all told him that he was lacking it, and he had decided that it was time to find some compromise in him somewhere.

The first step in learning to compromise was going home to apologize. He’d spent nearly two days travelling, going from one flight to another, to get home to Florida. After a red eye flight from New York City he’d arrived in Tampa just after six in the morning. His car was waiting for him at the airport and after paying the outrageous parking fees he’d set off for home.

He let out a sigh of relief as soon as he got to the gate, thankful to be back on familiar territory. Tina’s blue BMW station wagon was parked in its usual place in the circular drive and he pulled up behind it, resisting the urge to bang his head on the wheel for what a fool he’d been.

He pulled himself out of the car, his body heavy with fatigue from his lengthy travels. He grabbed his luggage out of the trunk and dragged it into the house, punching in the code to turn the alarm off as soon as it started beeping. The house was quiet, which wasn’t unusual for that early in the morning but Nick felt uneasy about it. Something just felt wrong and he suddenly had butterflies in his stomach. He left his suitcase and duffel bag next to the door and made his way through the house. He was listening hard for any unusual sounds but heard absolutely nothing.

He made his way upstairs and into the master bedroom, expecting to find Tina lying in bed sleeping. Instead, he was greeted with an empty room. The bed was made; it didn’t even look like it had been recently slept in. Quickly he left the master bedroom and moved down the hall.

Zoey’s room was empty, Parker’s was too. All that was left was the furniture and the cartoon character decals on the wall.

Nick’s breath caught in his throat as he moved back into his own bedroom and pulled open the doors to the walk in closet, not surprised to find that the only side with clothes on it was his. Hangers hung empty on Tina’s side, and he glared at them as though they could be to blame for his pain.

He felt himself starting to hyperventilate so he moved to sit on the bed, putting his head between his knees. He couldn’t believe she actually did it. She had spent so much time threatening to leave him but he had never taken it seriously. The worst of it was that she had taken the kids with her. He had already gone five weeks without seeing them and now he didn’t even know where they were. He could only assume they were in Cleveland, but that seemed like it might be too obvious a place to go. He wanted to think that Tina wasn’t going to hide from him but he had treated her pretty badly over the years so he didn’t know where her mind was at.

His chest was burning and he could feel tears prickling at the corner of his eyes as he sat trying to catch his breath. This was what heartbreak felt like, he realized. Mustering up as much strength as he could manage he got off the bed and headed back downstairs. He hadn’t noticed when he came in but the walls which were normally adorned with photos were bare. The toys were gone from the living room and he could just see dust marks where picture frames had been on the shelves.

It was in the kitchen, propped up against a knife block, where he finally found a note; a plain white envelope with his name written on it in Tina’s cursive. His hand was shaking slightly as he reached for it, turning it between his fingers lightly as if trying to find a reason not to open it. There was more than just paper in the envelope, he thought. There was a slight bulge in the corner and deep down he knew what it was but he wouldn’t believe it until he saw it.

He slid his finger along the seal and it opened easily. He removed a folded piece of paper and held it in one hand while tipping the envelope over the other. As he suspected Tina’s engagement ring fell from the envelope and into his palm. He clutched his fist around it and felt a tear slide down his cheek. It had taken him so long to ask Tina to marry him and she had waited so patiently for him to come around and now it was over. There was nothing more serious to him than the fact that she returned the ring. To him, it all felt very final.

He pocketed the ring and started unfolding the note. He felt like he knew what it was going to say but still felt compelled to read it.

Nick, it began and he could hear Tina’s voice in his head reading him the words.

If you’re reading this you know we’re gone. I’m so sorry that you had to find out this way but I knew that if I waited until you were home you would never let me go.

I know you’re angry but try to understand why I’m doing this. We can’t be together anymore; it’s not good for either one of us. We’re poison to each other, Nick. Every day I spent with you was killing me. I’m not putting the blame on you either; I know that I was doing the same thing to you.

The kids still need you. I want you to be part of their lives, but we need to get settled first. I will get in touch with you once we’re ready. Please don’t try to find us before then; it won’t do you any good. It will only make you crazy. Take care of yourself, for their benefit.

We love you. I love you; I will always love you,

Tina.