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I haven’t partied much since my wife’s death but I wasn’t Marcos so I had to force myself to have or at least look like I was having fun. I didn’t drink for many reasons one because it made me mad it made want to die. I was an unhappy man what can I say I hated God but still every Sunday I was a church for my daughters sake but I did hate him he took my love away. But that night I had to force down a couple of beers because I was Howie not Marcos and I knew that if I didn’t Nick would know something was up. Nick that fella is something else he made me want to laugh. He has a big heart I felt it by the way he spoke he truly was a good friend. I felt better when Jared showed up to the club just for our safety he said, but I knew he was there for me too. He had to make sure I didn’t screw up. “I want to leave,” I told him after Nick had disappeared to get more drinks.

“I don’t handle alcohol to well,” I told him with a warning look. I saw that he understood and told me exactly what to say. So when Nick returned with a beer for me and something else for me I smiled and pretend to take a sip. “I have to Nick, Leigh just called me,” I winked at him. I saw the wide grin spread on his face, “so are you two serious or what?” he asked me. I shrugged my shoulders and put my finger on my mouth. “I can’t tell you yet,” I told him and stood up to go.

I left Nick in there with another body guard as I was escorted by Jared out of the club. I was startled by the sudden tug at my shirt, “Howie oh my god Howie can I get an autograph and a picture?” I heard the woman tell me as she smiled at me. “No picture,” I heard Jared say with a stern voice. I didn’t understand why but I did sign something for her and she was happy with that. She surprised me when she leaned in to hug me and then she kissed my cheek. That’s all it took for Jared to pull me away and to the car waiting for me.

We rode in silence to the hotel till I couldn’t handle it anymore and I had to ask. “So who is Leigh and why didn’t Howie mention her to me?” Jared smiled and then he spoke, “she is someone special to Howie and they go on dates once in a while but he keeps mum about her. I assume he didn’t tell you because he doesn’t want you to get involved in that part of his life. Leigh understands his lifestyle and doesn’t push there relationship to next level. Usually they go weeks or months without talking or seeing each other. They just email or talk to each other on the phone.” He looked at me with a smile. “Don’t worry she doesn’t pop in like normal girlfriends do, besides she works for us.” I swallowed hard and then spoke, “I don’t have to act like a boyfriend with her right? I don’t even know how she looks,” I said finally a little worried. “I will tell you when she comes around and don’t worry no one knows about her but he guys and the important people to Howie.”

I sighed and hoped he was right, why hadn't Howie said anything about her? “Is there anything else I should know?” I asked him. “No I think he told you everything else,” he told him reassuringly. I relaxed a little and then we had arrived to the hotel. I got into my suite and smiled the hotel was so fancy it felt odd to me. I was not used to this kind of fancy things. I wanted to practice my vocals but I couldn’t I was too tired and the beers were finally hitting me…

*******

I never knew I was afraid of flying till the morning in the airport. Jared tried to calm because according to him Howie never got nervous when flying. “Relax,” he whispered to me as we boarded the plane. I was startled when AJ was beside me staring at me with concern, “You ok D? You look like this is your first time on plane kind of ironic don’t you think since we fly all the time.” he patted my shoulder as he told me. I had to stare at Jared for help, “Howie wasn’t feeling well this morning when I went to get him, I think he may be getting sick,” Jared told AJ as AJ turned to look at him. “Oh hell stay away from me D, I can’t afford to get sick so early in the tour,” he pretended push me and walked away.

I sighed and thanked Jared with my eyes, “Now come drink this,” Jared told me handing me two pills. “What is this?” I asked as I took a seat next to him. “Sleeping pills that way you will sleep during the flight,” I heard him and without thinking more I put both of the pills in my mouth. He smiled and then he handed me a bottle of water, “We will have to practice about the whole flying thing,” he told me looking around. I just nodded because the pills were already working on me, I yawned loudly. “Don’t tell you your going to sleep all flight,” Nick told me peering from his seat toward me. “Yeah I kind of stayed up late last night,” I smiled faintly and my eyelids began get heavy.

The pills worked, Jared had to wake me up by shaking me. “we’re here now remember stay close to me and Howie does sign autographs occasionally. Remember wink and smile I won’t tell you to try and speak Chinese, even if the Howie would well at least try.” He had to shake me again once more, “I’m up,” I told him giving a reassuring smile. “Good morning,” Brian told me as he passed me. “Stay away from till a doctor sees you,” AJ said jokingly but with a voice that meant he did expect me to see a doctor. “I hope its not the flu,” Kevin said with concern staring at me. “I’ll be fine I told him,” giving him a smile.

Finally we stepped out of the plane and as we were lead into the airport I finally got hit with just how famous the Backstreet Boys were. I had my mouth hung wide open as I stared at the crowd with signs up with love confessions to one of the guys. I noticed mostly Nick and AJ, but still there were some for “me” and the rest. “This is nothing,” Jared whispered into my ear. I looked at him surprised, “You mean there’s more?” he smiled at me and nodded as he took a hold of my hand. Sure enough we kept stopping to give autographs and to take pictures with our Asian fans. I had to admit I had this rush of joy and euphoria run through me as I realized was not Marcos but some sort of god to these people mostly women I did notice that. Why would Howie get tired of this? They we were treated was also very royal like, that only made me wonder more why Howie wanted out on such life.