November 3, 2010
Time: 4:00pm
Location: Lake Okeechobee dock… (SS Matilda)
Emotion: worried
I should hate myself for what I am doing. But yet I don’t regret any bit of it, I have been seeing Alex in secret since Brian’s wedding. I know its bad because well Sharon doesn’t deserve this. As I wait here for him to get here… I think about how I would feel if I was put in Sharon's shoes. Wait no because I would not threat the father of my child to stay with me if he didn’t love me anymore.
I am also worried about my court day on the 12th. I know now with my new job and a place of my own I have a better chance to win. I just am worried that after this I will loose my family forever. I am afraid of the way I will be treated now, not that it matters since I still get treated like shit now. I just want it to go back to the way it used to before dad or Emmy left.
I just never thought about how my family saw me for my decisions. Now that I know it hurts so much to know it… to know that to most of my family I am just a joke. I am some liberal hippie sleeping with many men… something that is not true. I may have dated quite a few people but that doesn’t mean I was sleeping with them all. I am just saddened by all this.
I shouldn’t be so worried because I know I am winning Evelyn… the way Emmy wanted. I am scared though I can admit that… I hate not knowing how I am going to deal with actually having Evelyn with me all the time. I mean I love Evelyn and all but she does remind me a lot of Emmy. Of one thing I am sure though… I will make sure she becomes a well brought young lady. Just like her mother. Crap, I just heard someone Alex is here… I’ll write to you later.
Mattie.
*********
Mattie put her journal in her bag and stood up stretching. “Hi,” she said as she saw Alex walking in with a bag of food.
“Hi,” Alex said dropping the bag on a chair and going to hug her. He took her lips with his.
“How’s work?” Mattie asked as she pulled away resting her head on his chest. His arms still wrapped around her made her feel at ease.
“It was ok…I think Heather knows more than she leads on.” Alex said smiling as he kissed her temple. “She told me when I told I was going to go out for an hour…to say hi to you.”
Mattie only laughed and rolled her eyes, “Yeah she keeps telling me that she knows what I am doing… she is just trying to find out we just have to keep ignoring her.” She said kissing him on the lips.
Alex kissed her back and soon he began to back her up till she realized she was falling on the bed. She smiled as Alex removed his shirt showing of his well toned torso. She felt his hands as they began to unbutton her shirt… “Aren’t we going to eat?” she asked not really caring if they didn’t.
“Are you hungry?” Alex asked as he began to kiss trail up her stomach toward her neck.
“Not… really,” Muttered Mattie as she pulled his face up to hers, kissing him passionately. She didn’t understand why but she just couldn’t stop from feeling like she did for Alex, she knew that this hiding was not good.
Things were getting pretty steamy when both his and her phone began to ring. Alex muttered, “Just ignore it…” as his hands made way up her skirt.
“Alex we should answer that…” she whispered smiling a little at his frustration as he got up and dug into his pants taking out his phone. Mattie then went to her purse smiling when she saw the caller ID. “Hey Nick,” she answered as she began to button her shirt back up. She cringed when she saw the angry look on Alex who had ignored his call.
Alex waited patiently well not really for Mattie to finish her conversation; he was no longer in the mood to continue what they had going on earlier. So his shirt was back on and he now was taking out the food from the bag. Finally he sighed as he turned to look at Mattie that was now putting her phone back into her purse. “I got you a burger with mustard,” Alex said as he ate a fry.
“Thank you,” Mattie said taking a seat beside him going to kiss him only to have him move making her kiss his cheek. “You ok?” she asked him as she made him turn to look at her.
Alex shrugged, “No I hate that Nick guy. I know you said he’s only your friend but he spends all the fucking time with you. Its like he still wants to see you after work…” he said with gritted teeth.
“Alex,” Mattie said carefully standing up and sitting on his lap. “I don’t like Nick like that and he knows it. I count the fucking time for us to meet again and I wish we didn’t have to hide like this. But think about it babe, if I keep letting people see us together they won’t suspect about us… minus Heather of course. I actually am working on hooking him up with Heather…” she sighed softly as she kissed his cheek again and then she giggled when he crushed his mouth on hers.
“I still get fucking jealous… I want this to be over already. I want to be with you.” he said staring at her.
“Alex you told me yourself what Sharon told you… just wait till the baby is born and I have Evelyn’s custody then I promise we can flaunt around just how much we care for each other.”
“This is so stupid Mattie I don’t have to pretend to be with Sharon; I still have rights to my son.”
“I know but I’ve seen how possessive she gets and I fear that your son will not get to meet such a great dad that you are going to be to him. Then there is my situation…” She told him as she leaned in her forehead connecting to his. “Time,” she told him.
“So… I have nothing to worry about then with that Nick guy?” he asked as he began to unbutton her shirt again.
“Well…. He is cute and those blue eyes are just…” Mattie began to laugh when Alex stopped was he was doing and was looking at her agitated. “But the problem there is… I am crazy, I mean head over heels over a brown eyed hunk with the perfect body.” She gave him a smile as he gave her a small smirk. “I love you and I am not afraid to say it to you anymore.”
********
“You are up late,” Alex told Sharon as he walked into his house. “I’m going to bed.”
“Why have you been ignoring my calls?” Sharon asked as she crossed her arms. “I could have gone into labor for all you care!” she yelled as she followed him to his room.
“Your six months pregnant, according to the doctor you are perfectly fine and will be able to delivery naturally…” Alex said agitated. He walked into his room shutting the door only to have Sharon open it and walk in. “Please I’m changing!” Alex said as he removed his shirt to put on a clean one for bed.
“I give up! I don’t know what to do anymore!” Sharon said as she began to cry tears streaming down her face freely.
“Sharon please, stop your antics. I am tired and I really don’t want to argue right now.” Alex said frustrated as he watched Sharon take a seat on the bed her night gown rising up her thigh.
“Antics? Alex I have tried to win your heart and instead you have become distant all you do is make sure my pregnancy is going well. You haven’t even kissed me since that night that we talked. Is it because I am ugly and fat!” she asked as she looked at her round belly.
Alex began to laugh and then shook his head. “I think you look very pretty pregnant. Your glowing Sharon but I’ve come to realize that… I can’t I just can’t pretend to make love to you and pretend to want to be more to you than what I am; that’s just not me…” Alex said sighed with relief after he said it.
“I hate you!” Sharon said grabbing one of the pillows and throwing it to him. “I am freaking horny and going crazy with all these things happening to my body, yet you can’t seem to care!”
“Sharon, relax,” Alex said catching the pillow and tossing it back to his bed. “Sharon you are one hot woman and at one point you drove me crazy… well you still do but not in that sense. I know you deserve to be happy and am I really making you happy?” he asked as he wiped the tears coming down her face.
“Not right now but you could,” Sharon whispered as she leaned her face on his hand kissing it. “I would do whatever to make you understand that I want us to work.” She continued as she took his other hand placing it on her stomach. “I think we scared him with the screaming.”
“Wow he’s moving in there,” Alex said place both his hands on her stomach. “Hey there buddy…its ok mommy and daddy are not going to argue again.” He said as he rubbed her belly.
“I want to name him Alex like the dad.” Sharon said as she placed her hands on top of Alex’s that continued to rub her belly. “Alex McLean Jr.”
“I was thinking more of Landon,” Alex said for the first time looking up and straight into Sharon’s blue eyes. “Alex is too common,” he said smiling at her.
“Landon Alexander,” Sharon said leaning in to him and without warning kissed him with passion… it was more like duress.
“Sharon,” Alex said trying to stop her but she was just to out if to listen. Before he knew it she was just in her underwear straddling him and kissing him softly on his neck and she knew what he liked…
*******
“So Heather is working?” Nick asked as he took the glass of lemonade from Mattie’s hand.
“Yeah… so what are you doing here? I thought you said you would see me at school Monday.”
“Yeah well I had nothing else to do and while I was sitting at home shooting some hoops I realized something,” Nick said eyeing her mischievously.
“Yeah what is that? That you brain is fried from all the surfing in the sun?” Mattie asked laughing.
“NO…that’s a given.” Nick said playing along. He stared at her as he placed his glass on the center table and neared her. “I’ve realized that I am settling to being just your friend…” he arched his eyebrow. “I don’t settle I conquer.”
“I don’t understand,” Mattie said a lump forming in her throat and suddenly feeling the urge to move but wasn’t able too.
“No I think you do… Mattie I am crazy about you. I mean since the first time I saw you and all these things that Evelyn told me about you. I just don’t think I can settle in being your friend only.” He leaned into her face he could feel her warmth breath just inches away from his. “I’ve been wanting to kiss you for a very long time and every time I’ve come close something interrupts but today nothing will…” he said as he closed the small space crashing his lips on hers.
Mattie eyes widened as she felt Nick’s lips… they were tempting but she couldn’t do it she kept seeing Alex’s face and she knew better. “No stop Nick,” Mattie said pushing him away and standing up breathing hard.
“Why? I want to you don’t?” he asked as he walked up to her only to be stopped by her hand on his chest.
“No… Nick.” She paused trying to find the words. “I – my heart already has an owner. I can’t deny and say your not hot because well you are but… I am in love with someone else.”
Nick bit his lip in frustration as he looked around trying to not get mad at the rejection. “Is it that guy… Brian’s best man?” he asked knowing well that it was him.
“How did you?” Mattie couldn’t even ask the question.
“How do I know?” Nick said sarcastically. “You can tell but I also saw him with his pregnant wife. You have to move on it’s apparent he has.” Nick said with a small hope.
Mattie smiled bitterly and then sighed, “Not his wife… it’s a long story.” Mattie said taking a seat again prepared to tell Nick everything.
******
Chapter End Notes:
Ok here is another chapter... and I must warn I won't update this one in a while so please enjoy. I would love to see you opinion on where I am taking this. When I mean a while I mean a while... I am working on finishing Heart Bandit and I need a breather on this one so I can think of how the next chapter will go... Thanks to those of you who have been giving me input and I can assure that the next chapter will be awesome it just will take a little bit for me to write. :)
