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Mattie sighed as she put on her pumps and looked at herself on the mirror. This was Emmy’s gift many years ago she had only wore it once, but now it suited and she knew Emmy would love to see her wear this dress again. It was nice and it fit her body well plus it was black.

She grabbed her purse and walked to the lobby, “excuse me did my package come in?” she asked the clerk.

“Yes ma’am it just arrived.” She handed her the long box that said fragile.

“Thanks,” Mattie said taking it and walking out into her brothers Malibu. Once inside she put the A/C on blast and opened the box smiling as she the black roses. She smiled as she remembered Emmy once long ago telling her that she would love to have a bouquet of black roses on her funeral just because they were rare. “Well Emmy here they are you’re getting them.”

They were gorgeous and they had cost a lot with priority mail. But anything for Emmy, Mattie would do anything for her not that she wouldn’t for her other siblings. She backed out of the Holiday Inn parking lot and sped down highway 27 toward her mother’s house. It was only eight in the morning and finally she decided to turn on her cell phone.

Few minutes later she was pulling into the driveway everyone seemed to be there already. She put on her sunglasses and grabbed the bouquet as she walked out and up to the house. She almost at the door when she heard Ricky’s voice.

“What the hell Mattie you left yesterday and never came back. Do you know how much Evelyn cried when she found out you hadn’t come back?” Ricky the oldest of her brothers said as he came up behind her. “For god sakes this isn’t about you its about Evelyn and what just happened!”

Mattie stopped and turned to look at her eldest brother, “Nice to see you too Ricky…” she said sarcastically as she removed her sunglasses. “I know this isn’t about me and you know what? For once I wish it would have been me! Instead of Emmy because of Evelyn… just leave me the fuck alone.” She said with gritted teeth and walked away going into the house. She felt the warm tears start roll down her face, and smiled when she heard Sean stop Ricky from going after her.

“Hey…” Anna lee said when she saw her sister walk in. “How are you?”

Mattie gave her a weak smile and went to hug her, “I am here that’s what matters.” She answered kissing her sister’s cheek. “How about you? How was the drive from Miami?”

Anna lee wiped her tears and sighed, “It was long for once I can say it was long. You’re wearing “the dress”?” she said as she looked at her sister.

“For Emmy one last time,” Mattie said as she too began to cry. They continued to hug and soon felt more people join the hug making a sibling group hug. She smiled as she recognized Josie, Sean, Karina, Lizzy, and Tom. The only one that was missing was Ricky. They were all dress in the Sunday’s best for Emmy.

“Are we all ready?” Louise said as she saw all her children gathered in a group hug.

Everyone separated and turned to face her mother, “We should go,” Sean said looking at his watch.

“I’ll go get Evelyn,” Lizzy said but was stopped by Mattie.

“No let me I have to apologize for last night,” she told her sister. She sighed heavily and handed Sean the bouquet of flowers for him to hold. She walked up the stairs and took a deep breath as she knocked on the guest room where Evelyn was in. “Hey Evelyn,” she said as she opened the door and Evelyn looking out the window.

“Your back?” Evelyn said walking up to her hugging her. “I glad you are here Aunt Mattie because can I tell you a secret?” Evelyn said she played with her aunts long bangs.

“Yeah you can…” Mattie said giving her niece a smile.

“You’re my favorite aunt and my mommy always told me you were my godmother. If I ever needed something and she wasn’t here to go to you.” she hugged her and began to cry. “My mommy is no longer here aunt Mattie, grandma says she is in heaven with my daddy too.”

“Your mommy is right and I will always be here for you too… you are my favorite niece too.” Mattie answered putting her finger to her mouth to let her know it was a secret too. “Now I owe an apology for not coming back last night, sweets I am sorry but I will be here now.”

Evelyn hugged her and kissed her cheek, “Its ok I already forgot.”

Mattie laughed lightly kissing her, “Now are you ready? Do you want me to put your hair in a ponytail?”

********

“I am so sorry Mrs. Vanderbilt,” Mattie said hugging her brother in law’s mother.

“They were so young,” she sobbed as she hugged Mattie. “I wish I could go back and tell them not to go…”

“It’s not your fault.” Mattie said as she continued to cry. She was glad that her eye liner was water proof so no matter how much she cried wiped her eyes it didn’t smear.

“Aunt Mattie,” Evelyn interrupted as she pulled on her arm.

“Yes sweets,” Mattie asked looking down at the five year old.

“I have to go the potty,” she said looking like she could not hold it anymore.

“Ok let’s go,” she looked back at Mrs. Vanderbilt and then excused herself as she left the room full of family and friends and down another hall toward the restrooms.

******

“I know that everyone has mentioned how much Emmy and Bruce were loved. It’s true they were loved by both our family as Bruce’s… now I have to say since I come from a big family I have been bridesmaid to most of them but my favorite wedding was Emmy’s. She was so unique and loving, she never left anyone out, Emmy would give the clothes off her back to someone who needed them more than her. I think that’s why Bruce fell in love with her. They were the same in the way they saw life. I think that’s why god took them both together because they were inseparable. Emmy and Bruce were the ideal couple and they will be missed. But, I know that if Emmy was to be here she would not want us to be sad, she always said when one life ends more come to live. In conclusion lets all remember Emmy would want us to live our lives to the fullest and not forgetting to always love our family. She loved her family she always showed us that…” Mattie said not being able to say more she began to cry and walked away not being able to talk more.

Mattie was out of the funeral home and was busy trying to light a cigarette, “Fuck,” she said in frustration throwing the lighter into the grass.

“Need some help?”

Mattie froze when a hand extended a lit lighter for her to light her cigarette, “thanks,” she said before inhaling. She looked at the man beside her and without much more knew who it was. “You followed me?”

“Yeah… sorry.” Alex said lighting a cigarette for himself. “I guess it’s a good thing I did.” He said exhaling the smoke.

“Are you ok? I mean I know your not but will you be ok?” he asked turning to face her. She was so different to what he remembered her. She looked more feminine her tomboy look was long gone especially in a dress.

“I just need to adjust to her not being here anymore.” Mattie said as she finished her cigarette. “Thanks for… lighting my cigarette.” She said giving him a weak smiled before looking away into the green land that expanded in front of her.

“Mattie I really am sorry for Emmy… I know that no matter how much everyone tells you everything will be ok. Right nothing will make you feel better, if you need anything just I’m here ok?” Alex said taking her hand and squeezing it. “Brian is here too, he’s the one to tell me about… Emmy.”

“Thanks Alex,” she sighed heavily taking her hand away from his and kissing his cheek. “Thanks for coming; I hope to see you and Brian later. I have to head back to my family.” Mattie said walking away still not believing how much Alex had change.

*******

July 7, 2010
Time: 11:00pm
Location: Holiday Inn
Emotion: devastated

So I was able to go through it not without a lot tears but for the most part I was fine. Well till Alex made his presence known to me. He has changed so much from the boy I used to know. I was grateful that he and Brian did go to my sister’s funeral closing both the restaurant and bar for the day.

I couldn’t help but notice that he did stare a lot at me. Maybe he is just as surprised as I am about how much we have changed. I still can’t deny he has changed for the good, he no longer looks geeky or scrawny on the contrary he looks sexy. He is fit and covered in tattoos.

Oh my god don’t even know why I am writing about this I should be concentrating on the events taking place tomorrow. My sister’s lawyer wants to meet us all at his law office in Palm Beach so we all have to drive down tomorrow. I don’t know what to expect from this will but I hope it doesn’t cause strain between us and Bruce’s family.

I have to Evelyn is stirring her in her sleep I’m going to go check on her. I’ll come back later and tell you how it all went. Yes Evelyn decided to come with me. My mother was not too happy about that.

Mattie

*********

[Flashback/dream]

She hated hand me downs and she hated pink. She was glad her mother had allowed her to keep her cap as she was dropped off school with her sisters Emmy, Josie, and Lizzy.

“You’ll be fine fish,” Josie said tousling her hair. “I see you around,” Josie said walking away leaving her with Emmy and Lizzy.

“I have to my first class is way to the other side so I should get a head start. Mattie don’t worry you’ll be fine.” Lizzy said as she walked away. Lizzy was a school nerd so she was always worrying about being a good student.

“Well I’ll walk to your homeroom,” Emmy said looking at her younger sister. “Sam is here too he just a got a ride with the Morgan kids. So you will be fine enjoy your freshmen year.”

“Easy for you to say you’re a junior,” Mattie told her sister.

“Look at me just be yourself kid,” Emmy said and then she froze when some kid came up to them.

“Hey Em ready for this year? And congratulations on being captain cheerleader.”

“Hey Ben, thanks.” Emmy said blushing.

Mattie rolled her eyes as she realized that her sister must have something for the guy. “You know Emmy I’ll be fine see you after school.” Mattie said walking away.

“You sure Mattie?” Emmy said smiling at Ben who was smiling back at her.

“I’ll be fine,” Mattie said forcing a smile on and walked into the large building. She sighed heavily as she looked at her schedule and began to look for room 108. She smiled successfully as she found it and walked in, not many kids were in there yet so she had a good chance at choosing the desk she wanted. She walked all the way to the back and took a seat.

Not even five minutes later more kids rushed in filling in the desks. She watched and heard many girls all gossiping already and guys just goofing around till in came a tall brunette. “Ok cut it off everyone in there seats now! I am Mrs. Powell and I will be your homeroom teacher. I will call roll,” she said as she began to look in her binder.

Mattie bit her lip as she began to hear the names, she hoped they had put Mattie Benson and not her real name but the laughter from the class made her realize that hadn’t happened. “Matilda Benson?”

“Present,” Mattie said pulling her cap more down so she would see all the kids that stared at her.

“Miss Benson no hats in the building please,” Mrs. Powell said looking straight at her.

Mattie turned beet red and took her cap off stuffing it into her backpack. “Mattie, I prefer to be called Mattie.” She told Mrs. Powell.

********

IPC her first class, she hated science she did. Mattie walked in and took a seat on one of the stools hoping that her first period would not be as bad as homeroom.

“Well look who I have for first period Mattie right?”

Mattie looked at the scrawny kid that sat beside her curiously. “Yeah…”

“I’m Alex,” he extended his hand to her.

“Hi,” Mattie said bashfully looking at him. “I thought you said you were a sophomore.”

“I am but somehow last year I didn’t get IPC in my schedule so they are making me take it this year with all the fresh fish… no offense.” He gave her a smile. “So you like pink?” he asked as he saw continued to stare at her hot pink shirt.

“NO!” Mattie said rolling her eyes “it’s the first day of school so I am pleasing my mother for today. Besides I don’t have much choice when I get all the hand me downs.”

Alex laughed, “I wouldn’t know what hand me downs are since I am the only child.”

“Lucky you…” Mattie said laughing with him.

[End of flashback/dream]

Mattie woke up in a sweat and looked beside her to see Evelyn was fast asleep. She stood up and walked to the restroom throwing cold water at her face. She had just woken up from such a vivid dream.

Knowing she would no longer be able to sleep she walked to the window opening it so she could smoke. Why was she now having these dreams, why was seeing Alex again making her feel like she did?