January 1, 2011
Time: 3:00am
Location: outside of Clewiston General… (Chain smoking… god I really am back to smoking shit!)
Emotion: Nervous, anxious
I want to go in there and be by Alex’s side but I can’t. I wonder how everything is going. I clearly remember the call Brian got as we welcomed the New Year at his house. He asked if anyone of us wanted to join him and Leighanne but of course he didn’t expect for any of us to actually go…especially me the other woman.
I don’t know what to feel… I mean I am happy for Alex but yet now it has hit me that he will have a son and that I am the culprit in why he’s baby’s mother was not going to part of his life like it should. She was just going to be his son’s mother and I was going to take her place… could I do that? Could I honestly do that? Will I be able to do that to Landon?
Landon… what a name. I wonder if he will look like his daddy. Will he have those beautiful brown eyes and the long eyelashes that make slight shade right under his eyes? Will he have that one dimple Alex gets when he smiles… or will he be like the mother?
Why was god doing this? I was finally getting hit with all the guilt from the many meetings Alex and I had during this ordeal. I was the other woman and now that I realized that its real… Sharon is in there in pain giving birth to Alex’s baby I realize that maybe what I have done is not right… but yet I can’t say I could leave Alex. I love him.
I don’t even know why I am here… I should be at home sleeping and checking on Evelyn who is fast asleep with Rocky… that’s what she named her Yorkie. I am crazy aren’t I?
Shit, I should go… I will write to you later. I honestly don’t know what has gotten into me.
Mattie.
********
“Mr. McLean?” Dr. Burk said as he walked into the waiting area.
“Yes,” Alex said standing up. “How is she can I go in… I want to be in the delivery room.”
“I am afraid we have to perform an emergency c-section. Your son is a breeched baby and we must get him out soon… your wife is on the way to the OR… I will be back as soon as your son is born.”
“Ok,” Alex said confused and worried.
“Don’t worry Alex Landon will be fine you’ll see,” Leighanne said as she hugged Alex.
“Yeah… it’s just I was expecting to be in the delivery room…” he gave her a small smile. “sorry for ruining your New Years.”
“No you didn’t this is way much more important…” Brian said smiling at him. “I expect you to be by my side when I experience my child’s birth.”
Alex gave a small chuckle as he wiped his face… “I need a smoke,” he said as he pulled out his pack of cigarettes. “Will you call me if anything happens? I will only be a few minutes.”
“Yeah of course go ahead,” Brian said smiling at him but once Landon is out we are smoking one of these…” he said pulling out to cigars and smiling. “I’ve bought them to celebrate.”
“You will not smoke that will you?” Leighanne asked rolling her eyes. “You can’t even handle any little smoke let alone you smoking that.”
“I will you’ll see.” Brian said giving his wife a grin.
“Oh I would love to see that too!” Alex said laughing. He began to walk toward the exit, sighing as he was hit with a very cool breeze. “Damn I should’ve brought a jacket.” He said to himself as he lit his cigarette.
He took a deep sigh of relieve as he exhaled the smoke and that’s when he spotted the red beetle parked by his car. “Mattie?” he squinted to see better and he just knew it was her. He smiled and began to walk toward the car as he got closer he realized it was her and she was busy smoking away. He tapped the passenger’s window and grinned when he saw her jump. “Babe? What are you doing out here?” he asked as he opened the door and hoped in.
Mattie shrugged and gave him a small smile. “I just had to come…even if I didn’t go in… how’s everything going?”
“I hope good…. Landon is a breeched baby so Dr. Burk is performing an emergency c-section.” He said as he took the last drag from his cigarette.
“Everything will come fine you’ll see. So he decided to come early huh?” Mattie said as she reached for his hand.
“Well only a couple of weeks,” he gladly took her hand. “I have to say I am happy you’re here,” he kissed her hand. “I’m going to be dad in a few hours… officially.” He widened his eyes in mock horror.
Mattie chuckled and leaned in to kiss him, “a very nice daddy…” she told him.
“Yeah I am going to probably spoil him rotten…” he sighed and cupped her face. “is it wrong that I wish it was you in there having my child not Sharon?” he asked as her as he brushed his lips softly on hers.
Mattie cleared her throat, “I think Landon will be a wonderful blessing and his father is going to love him with all his heart… God allowed him to come to this world for a purpose even if its not me in there…” she told him.
“I love you… I want you to marry me babe. I don’t want to wait till you go to court. I want you to be my wife and it will be easier to win custody like that babe.” Alex said kissing her hungrily.
“What about Sharon? You have to understand now you have a child and the responsibility of being there for him. I know that Sharon will need your help especially after this… I will marry just wait… time Alex.”
“This fucking sucks you know… Not Landon coming but our situation.” He sighed heavily as he lit another cigarette.
Mattie smiled and kissed his neck… “Your not the only that feels like that you know.” she said as she rested her head on his shoulder.
The just sat there in silence as Alex finished his cigarette. After that Mattie cleared her throat and spoke again… “I think you should go back in there… Everything will be fine and soon you will be holding Landon in your arms…” a tear rolled down Mattie’s face.
Alex kissed her tear as it rolled down her cheek, “I wish you could be in there with me…” he told her giving her a small smile. “I send you a picture by phone once I have him in my hands. Thanks for being here even if its out here in the parking lot.”
“I will always be here for you…” she told him as she kissed him one more time. “Ok well I should go it’s almost five…”
“Yeah you should… be careful.” Alex said as he got out of the car and began to walk toward the entrance of the hospital. He smiled as he heard Mattie pull out of the parking lot and drive off.
******
“She’s in here,” the nurse told Alex as they stopped at the door to the room where Sharon and his son were in now.
He opened the door slowly and peaked in to see Sharon crying. “Sharon what’s wrong are you in pain?” he asked he made it to her side. “shh… hun, please stop crying.”
“I can’t stop crying… I feel horrible and you are going to hate me.” she said between sobs.
Alex became alarmed as he looked at her suspiciously. “Landon is fine the doctor told me is a fine baby…did something happen? Sharon what are you talking about?” Alex said as he went around to where the crib was he could only see the covers, his was in there right?
“No Alex wait,” Sharon said to no avail Alex was already at the crib and he was pulling the baby out.
“What the fuck?” Alex said as he stared the baby. He was sucking on his thumb and he stretched… he blinked a few times and then stared at Sharon. “What is this? I mean who is the father cause I sure as hell know I am not!”
He stepped away and looked at her for answers. “Sharon answer me…” he said with a calm voice a little too calm.
“I thought… he was yours. I honestly believed it was yours… I mean before we broke up, you and me well slept together many times if I recall. I would have never thought that the one night that I slept with someone else I would have gotten pregnant. It was the day we had that huge fight remember and I left I met this guy at a bar and we talked… one thing led to another. I just remember waking up in a hotel room with him.”
“You have to be fucking kidding me… you cheated on me with a black guy?”
“It was a one time thing and well after that we got back together I only assumed you were the father. I wanted you to be the father…” she said crying again. “I am so sorry Alex…”
“No shit, you cheated on me and then you get pregnant by someone else and you try to guilt me into taking you in thinking that I don’t want my son to grow up not knowing his father… and Bam! Turns out he isn’t even mine…” he laughed sarcastically.
“You cheated on me too with Mattie… in fact you had her living with you if I recall!” she said getting a little offended.
Alex stopped laughing and pointed to her… “No I did not you had dumped remember you ran from commitment… I asked you to marry you say you needed a break. I did not cheat on you I simply moved on.” he sighed in frustration and looked again at the crib poor kid he didn’t have the fault. He walked up to the baby and put him in his arms. Even if he wasn’t his he had come to love him… “He little guy,” he whispered as he cradled him. “Listen I am sorry about all this… I hope you mommy does find your real daddy so he can meet you. I bet you will be a great little fella.” He kissed his forehead and put him back on the crib.
He looked at Sharon who was still crying, “Now as for you… I will have everything sent to your old apartment with your roommate. Even the baby’s clothes, who is the father?”
“I don’t even remember his name…” Sharon said sobbing.
“Well you better find him… as for me I don’t ever want to see you again.” He said as he walked out of the room and finally the tears came down his face freely.
“Hey what’s wrong Alex?” Brian said with concern as Alex made it to them. “Is Landon ok?”
Alex smiled ruefully and tried to control his tears. “Yep he is very fine and not my son.”
“What do you mean not your son?” Brian said surprised.
“Like I said not my son, she cheated on me and well Landon is the product of that.” Alex said again tears coming down his face. “I need to get out of here…” he left without another word.
*********
Mattie woke up to her phone vibrating like crazy… she looked at the caller ID and without hesitation she answered. “Hello?”
“Hey can I come up?” Alex asked as he finished his cigarette. “I outside your door…”
“Uhm ok… give me a minute,” Mattie said hanging up and pulling on a robe she walked out of her room and opened the door. “Hey…what’s wrong babe.” She asked as she realized he was crying. Instinctively she thought the worse… “Is Landon ok?”
Alex only shook his head and crashed his lips on her pushing her inside. He closed the door with his foot and not allowing any space between him and Mattie he began to walk to her room.
Mattie only kissed him back but she could feel the tears as they rubbed on her face, something was wrong but it was apparent that Alex did not want to talk about. “Are you ok?” she asked finally breaking away.
“I don’t know…” he said as he removed his shirt and pants. He began to untie her robe and then once it was off he took her hand and led her back to her bed. “I just want to be hold you and think…” he told her as he spooned her as they lay in bed.
“Ok,” Mattie said as she felt the tears fall to the crook of neck where Alex rested his head. “I love you and I am here.” She told him taking his hand and kissing each knuckle.
“I know…” he said sighing heavily. “I need to sleep on it… I will tell you though.”
“I can wait,” she told him as she turned so she could face him. “I will be here when you wake… but everything is ok right?”
Alex nodded as he kissed her one more time, “I love you…” he said as he cuddled into her he didn’t know if could actually sleep but he was going to try… he had just driven straight from the hospital to Mattie’s.
Mattie just kissed his jaw and gently massaged his face. He had closed his eyes and she just wondered why he was here. He had nodded that everything was good with Landon… she sighed in frustration as she heard his light snore. He must have been tired. She knew soon she would have to wake up and go on about cooking breakfast but for now she just cuddled next to him as well just wondering.
******
Chapter End Notes:
Ok so here is another chapter I hope to hear some feedback... I really would love to see some opinions...I can see the read count I know people are reading. SO I would love to see some comments... hope you all like this new chapter...Thank you to all that have been reviewing you are the best... :) keeps me writing.
