The first month of classes had gone easy enough for both Nick and Charlotte but she was quickly finding out that now that they were past the introduction stage, a lot of the work was far beyond her knowledge. Given that the grades she used for her entrance weren’t her own, she was in way over her head. What she had learned in grammar school didn’t quite bring her up to date with everything they were being taught. In order to keep up with school as well as her now obligatory chores Charlotte had taken to doing school work while Nick was asleep, never really finding too much time to rest for herself. 

Their once passionate, newlywed lovemaking had turned into somewhat of a routine with Charlotte merely wanting Nick to be satisfied and asleep so she could continue her school work without him seeing her. Then there was the problem of what she would do if she became pregnant. Sue had been the answer to that conundrum. Even though Charlotte wanted nothing more than to someday have children she didn’t want to have them until she had succeeded in school. She knew Nick was beginning to wonder why after so many months she still wasn’t pregnant because he wanted a reason to buy that house, and the answer was simple. Sue was supplying Charlotte with a brand new form of contraception, a diaphragm; so that nearly every day before Nick got home she could put it in and not have to worry about getting pregnant. It was illegal for women to seek out forms of birth control (considered obscene by the government and the church), yet many people were doing it so Charlotte didn’t know what kind of harm could be done by it.

Sue had connections with a woman who was a pioneer in the field and was trying to make more women aware that such a choice existed. For men it was acceptable to buy, and use, condoms but Charlotte knew it would be too much to ask Nick to wear a condom since he was a religious man and would let anyone who asked know how much he opposed the new trend of contraceptives. He couldn’t think of any reason that people would try to keep themselves from having children, and if they didn’t want any more, they should be abstinent. It was hard for Charlotte to forget things like that every time she pulled the wool over his eyes.

Charlotte tried very hard not to think about her deception because every time she did she would feel guilty and have to resist telling Nick the whole truth. She hated lying to him, and she hated that she had so many secrets. She didn’t mind staying up reading all night because when she fell asleep it only reminded her of what a terrible person she was for lying to Nick. He was everything she could have ever asked for and more. A husband, who loved her, respected her, honoured her, and actually cared what she had to say. She complained that he made her cook and clean but in reality that was her job, who was she to complain? But he took her complaints and they talked about them instead of what any normal man would do which would be to brush her aside. She sometimes worried that if she used contraception too many times, then she would never be able to get pregnant and would never be able to give Nick a child and those thoughts pained her. It was those times, when she woke up from the nightmares of her life, that she thought of ending it all and forgetting the dream. What she had now was perfect. She was with a wonderful person who wanted to be with her forever, and take her around the world. For some reason though she just couldn’t get her own pride out of her head. There she was, laying next to the person who never complained that she only allotted him a foot of room on their small bed, and she took advantage of his majesty every day.

Charlotte sighed and turned more towards the oil lamp on the bedside table so she could see the words on the page in front of her. Nick had turned to face the wall hours before so as long as he was snoring, she would keep reading. She blinked hard to keep herself awake, trying to focus on her work. She would reach a point every night where her body would just get too tired and she would have to wait for that second burst of energy to kick in and get her through the night. Tonight it didn’t seem to be coming as fast as others and her eyes soon became uncomfortably heavy as she fought to focus under the soft light. The book dropped to her chest and her breathing levelled but sleep didn’t last because a few minutes into her cat nap she was awoken by the bed shifting as Nick turned over towards her. 

“Why are you up?” he asked in a gravelly voice, his eyes squinting against the light of the lamp. 

Charlotte’s eyes snapped open and she quickly slid the book off the side of the bed before Nick was awake enough to notice it, “I couldn’t sleep,” she answered, reaching over to brush his messy hair back. 

Nick frowned and reached across her to grab his pocket watch off the bedside table, “It’s three o’clock in the morning,” he complained, knowing it would only be a few hours before dawn when it was time to get up and start the day. 

“Then go back to sleep,” Charlotte rubbed her hands up and down his sides with a smile, looking up at Nick who was leaning over her, his elbow resting just above her head. She needed to finish the chapter she was reading for that morning’s class and Nick was wasting valuable time. 

Nick looked at her curiously as his eye caught sight of the book lying on the floor, “Were you reading?” he asked, leaning down to pick the book up.

“Um, yes,” Charlotte said watching Nick carefully as he read a couple of lines off the page.

“Where did you get this book?” he asked, checking the inside cover to see that it was property of the University library, “Did you steal it?”

“Of course not!” she denied. 

Nick closed the book and read the front cover aloud, “An exploration of woody plants?”

Charlotte gasped and took the book away from him, “You lost my spot!”

With a shake of his head Nick sat up and leaned against the wall, looking to his wife for some sort of explanation, “Why are you up in the middle of the night reading books about plants? A book that does not belong to you, by the way.”

Perfect time to tell the truth, Charlotte’s conscience told her and she took a deep breath, “I got the book from Sue. She can take books out at the university for her own classes at the college,” she lied.

“I didn’t realize they taught botany at Girton,” Nick commented, still slightly sceptical as to the book’s origin.

“They don’t, I asked her to get me this,” Charlotte stumbled over her words, trying to keep her facts straight since Nick was in fact right and the women’s college didn’t have speciality science courses, otherwise she would have taken them.

“But…” Nick began but Charlotte quickly interrupted him by putting the book on the nightstand and kissing him forcefully on the lips. Nick moaned in surprise but still found himself distracted by the kiss, wrapping his arms around Charlotte’s petite frame. His hands ran through her hair as hers gripped his broad back, pressing their bodies tightly together.

Charlotte was glad for the distraction but as soon as she felt Nick’s growing erection against her leg she swiftly pulled back, smiling at him sweetly, “It’s late, we should go to sleep.”

Nick chuckled lightly, “You’re joking right?” he asked, not seeing any sign on her face that she was, “Wow, you’re not joking.”

“No,” she pouted slightly, “I’m tired.”

Nick stared at her for a few moments with eyebrows raised, watching as she got herself comfortable on her ¾ of the bed, “Fine,” he huffed, “We’re sleeping.” 

Charlotte felt Nick reach over and turn down the oil lamp before angrily turning away from her back to his foot of bed, almost taking the entire quilt with him. She didn’t dare complain about the lack of covers because she felt she deserved to have none. She was worried that she would push Nick to a breaking point where one day he wouldn’t feel the need to be so nice anymore since she was never nice to him. 

She sighed heavily and turned towards Nick’s bare back. Delicately she reached out to touch his shoulder, feeling the muscles tense under her small fingers.

Nick loudly cleared his throat and moved further away from Charlotte, almost squishing himself in the crack between the mattress and the wall, “We’re sleeping, not touching,” he reminded her and when she didn’t remove her hand from his back he pulled the rest of the quilt onto his side, wrapping himself in a cocoon of blanket.

“I’m sorry,” she spoke quietly, feeling like there was nothing else to say.

“That’s all you ever are,” Nick snapped and Charlotte felt like she was a lot closer to that breaking point she was worried about than she ever had been. 

She lay awake all night staring at the ceiling until a small amount of sunlight broke through the windowpane and a rooster crowed somewhere in the distance. Quietly, Charlotte got out of bed then went about the morning routine of getting everything ready for Nick to go to school and then onto work. She laid out his wool underwear (it was now cold outside), as well as his suit for school and the clothes he wore to work later in the day. She felt bad about the night before and decided to make him a nice breakfast; not so much to make him feel better but to make herself feel better. 

Sue had been nice enough to let them use her icebox to store the meat that Nick was picking up from work and in exchange Nick brought the ice upstairs so Sue no longer had to pay for delivery, and after a quick trip next door Charlotte had a meal on the go. It didn’t take long for the aroma to wake Nick up since the stove was only a short distance away from the bed. 

“It’s not Sunday, is it?” Nick asked as he slowly awoke.

Charlotte smiled, “No, it’s Thursday,” she answered, knowing he must have thought it was Sunday because they always had a big breakfast just before church. 

Nick seemed to have forgotten about the happenings of the night before, either that or he didn’t plan on bringing it up. He made his way over to the wash basin that she had filled with hot water and washed up quickly. Charlotte watched him out of the corner of her eye as he slowly got dressed, pulling his suspenders up over his shirt so slow she would almost swear he was still asleep. 

Charlotte put some bacon, a boiled egg, and a roll on a plate and set it down on the table for Nick before beginning the process of getting herself dressed. It was all for show, but she couldn’t make it seem as if she was just lounging around in her nightclothes all day. She was slightly concerned by the fact that Nick hadn’t really spoken to her yet, not even thanked her for making breakfast. As she fought with tightening her corset (a skill that she was always too lazy to master on her own and was now suffering for it) she thought to herself that if she didn’t sacrifice some of the things she wanted then she would either lose Nick’s respect, or lose respect for herself. She was so caught up in her own thoughts she barely noticed Nick’s fingers over her own, moving her hands off of the strings of her corset. 

“I’ll help you,” Nick said softly, lacing up the rest, “This time let me know if you can’t breathe,” he laughed, remembering the last time he’d helped Charlotte get dressed and almost suffocated the poor girl. 

“I can breathe,” she assured him with a grin, silently glad that her clothes were a lot easier to get out of than they were to get into otherwise with how tight Nick tied she would spend her entire day trying to get out of her dress. 

Once she was all tied up Nick took a moment to easily rest his chin on top of Charlotte’s head then he returned to his food and Charlotte finished getting dressed, “Isn’t Thursday the day you have a few hours between school and work?” she wondered, knowing the answer was yes even before Nick nodded his head, “Let’s have tea.”

“Really?” Nick asked, surprised since Charlotte rarely asked to meet him for meals. 

“Yes, in fact, let’s have a picnic! Like we always did before!” she said excitedly, deciding that she could afford to miss class for one day in exchange for her marriage not falling apart. 

“A picnic?” Nick asked sceptically, “Love, it’s winter.”

Charlotte had momentarily forgotten that it was cold outside and stood defeated, not knowing what her next step should be. 

Nick, after seeing the sad look on her face, quickly relented, “A winter picnic sounds fantastic actually! It’ll be nice to get some fresh air.”

Charlotte smiled and clapped her hands victoriously. She cleaned up a bit while Nick finished getting ready and just before he walked out the door he gave her a quick kiss. 

“You’re too good to me,” she told him, with more honesty then he would ever know.

“No I’m not,” he said with a smile as he put his coat on. 

“No, you are,” she stressed, telling him she loved him before sending him on his way then turning back into the room to prepare their mid-day winter picnic all the while stressing over how she was going to get caught up on an entire days worth of class in subjects she knew nothing about.