When Jenna and I were married in October 2011, we hadn't talked a whole lot about having children. Not that we avoided the subject or steered clear of the conversation... it's just, I think it was the simple fact that we were happy with us. And because of that, it was like there was this unspoken knowledge that everything else would work itself out in the future.

Little did we know that the future would come much sooner than either of us could have imagined. And never could we have predicted how it all would end... in the culmination of both the very best and the very worst days of our lives together.

It was a cold night in December when Jenna came to me in my studio, wrapped carefully in a bath towel, her hands clasped tightly in front of her. I turned around when I heard her come in the door. She smiled timidly as I reached out to take her hand before pulling her close to sit in my lap where I kissed her bare shoulders until she shivered and squirmed. I smiled, loving how it made me feel to turn her on.

Nick!" She said suddenly, as if she'd just remembered why she'd come in the room in the first place. She stood from my lap, a serious look crossing her face.

"What?" I was concerned now and I'm sure my face echoed the seriousness in hers. Jenna was playful and fun, like me. Serious wasn't her thing... at least when it wasn't absolutely necessary.

"I need to tell you something..." she whispered, "and I need you to not freak out."

"Ohhh-Kay." I responded, my concern growing now that I could clearly see the nervousness written on her face.

She sat down on the chair across from me and held out her hands... the hands she'd been holding together since she'd come in the room. I reached out to take hold of them and in that moment realized she was holding something out to me.

"What's that?" I asked, staring down at her hands, even though in retrospect I knew exactly what it was.

She took a deep breath and sighed, "They're pregnancy tests."

She held her hands out again, even closer this time so that I had a good glimpse of each stick. Of the two blue lines. Of the plus sign. Of the definitive "pregnant" response.

I looked at her, her head down, not looking back at me. "When did you find out?" I asked still trying to wrap my mind around what all of this meant.

She shook her head, finally looking up. Our eyes met and for the first time I noticed there were tears in hers. "Today," she whispered and then quickly continued, "I'm sorry Nick. So sorry. I-I-I know this wasn't our plan and I didn't mean for this to happen either. I-I just... I don't know what to say."

I stared it her for a few moments, thinking only of how beautiful she looked in that moment. How vulnerable and radiant she was, and as stupid as this may sound to you... as cliche as it may be, in that moment the song "She's Having My Baby" started playing in my mind and she looked more beautiful than ever to me.

I looked at her, leaned my head back against the headrest of my office chair. "Are you happy?"

She bit her lip and shrugged her shoulders ever so slightly and sighed one more big sigh. "Honestly?" She whispered. I nodded. "Honestly," she repeated and she finally smiled... "Nick, I really am. I mean... no we didn't plan this, and I'm scared as hell, and not exactly ready to go through pregnancy and labor and and becoming a mommy. But then I think, who is? All I know is, I love you Nick. And I love our love and I just know that the two of us are gonna love this baby so much."

I couldn't help but smile. I pulled Jenna back into my lap and kissed her again, just the way I had before. She looked at me a little confused. "So... are you happy?"

"Hell yes!" I said as I continued planting kisses along her bare neckline, "We're gonna have a baby. I mean, you're gonna have a baby... but man, I'm gonna be a daddy! How could I not be happy about this?" The simple truth was, I'd always loved children. I'd always wanted to have children, even back when my mind doubted love and marriage and commitment... I could always picture myself being a good dad. And I knew Jenna would be an amazing mom.

We could totally pull this off.

It was Jenna's turn to kiss me, her body finally relaxing in my arms as the nerves faded away. I carried her to our bedroom and tucked her carefully into bed before climbing in beside her for a long winter's night. I knew there'd be long months ahead... long nights. But I was ready.

Jenna's pregnancy was textbook. Easy.

I mean, sure I had to hold her hair back during the loss of numerous breakfasts and deal with hormonal mood swings, and run out at the oddest hours of the night for the strangest cravings (I mean, only a pregnant woman could summon up the desire for Key Lime Pie and a greasy cheeseburger at precisely 3:28 am on a Sunday night and get it), but all of these were to be expected and nothing was out of the ordinary at all.

Once the morning sickness passed and the cravings abated, or rather, once I at least had the sense to keep our pantry stocked with her most craved foods, all seemed right in the Carter household. Doctor's appointments went well and showed that our tiny bean was growing just as he should be.

Yep. He. Our little boy!

My favorite part of each doctor's visit was hearing the heart beat and seeing our little man moving around like crazy on the sonogram screen. Like he was already a member of the Backstreet Boys practicing up on his dance moves. It was even more fun laying in bed beside Jenna at night and feeling him kick and wiggle inside when I would lay my head on her stomach and sing to him. I sang everything from Michael Jackson to House on Pooh Corner to Enya... yep, Aj would be so proud.

In May we flew to LA where I spent the month recording for our new album and Jenna spent the month running from one fancy baby boutique to another with Howie's wife Leigh, in the attempt to create the most perfect nursery ever for our little man. It was awesome having Leigh around. Awesome because let's face it, Leigh's a great person, but awesome too because she was due to have their second baby, a little sister for James, at any moment, and awesome because it was the first chance Jenna really had to get to share her pregnancy with someone other than her patients, and Jenna really needed that.

The bonus was when Leigh gave birth to the beautiful Caroline Elizabeth Durough on May 26th, two days before we flew back to Tennessee and we got to spend time cuddling and holding her. I've always enjoyed my time with my nephews (as I call all of the Backstreet babies), but there was something about holding little Caroline that melted my heart even more than ever before. I don't know if it's because she was the first girl... and of course there's always a special place for that, or if it was just the excitement over the arrival of my own child in a few months that made me feel it even more, but my heart just fell in love with her and made me that much more ready to meet my son.

And then he arrived.

Our Jackson.

Our son.

He came bursting into the world on July 5th, 2012 after Jenna and I had spent the evening out at a 4th of July party cooking out with friends and watching the fireworks. And a little firecracker he was, in his own right.

The moments leading up to his birth and all of those after, are moments I will never forget.

We were driving home from the party when the fun began. It was late at night, or rather very early in the morning - whichever way you prefer to look at it, and though darkness had fallen hours before the sky still lit up every few seconds with an array of colors from firework parties still going on. Jenna and I were singing at the top of our lungs... I still remember the song because it was the moment we arrived back at the chorus and began singing at the top of my lungs, "Carry on my wayward son, there'll be peace when you are done...", that I relized Jenna had stopped singing.

I turned towards her, expecting to see her laughing at me, only to find her staring down at her lap, a look of horror on her face.

"Jenna?" it was dark in the car and I couldn't tell what she was looking at, "Are you okay? What's wrong?"

She shifted uneasily in her seat before turning to look at me. "Take me to the hospital right now Nick."

"Huh?" I was confused... I mean we weren't supposed to be going to the hospital for another 8 weeks yet.

"Nick seriously, turn the car around and take me to the hospital."

I didn't argue. Reaching out to take her hand in mine, I turned to car towards the hospital, thankful we were already in the city. Thankful I wouldn't have to drive far. Her breathing would become heavier and then ease every few minutes. Contractions I was sure of it, but I didn't ask questions, just kept my eyes on the road trying to get us there fast.

It wasn't until we pulled in beneath the emergency entrance and a nurse was helping Jenna out into a wheelchair that I saw what had triggered her discomfort. Her water had clearly broken. I shook my head, trying to come to terms with what all of this meant as I parked the car and flew into the building to be beside my wife.

It wasn't long before she was moved to labor and delivery, just a matter of a few minutes. And it wasn't long after that that her room was filled with nurses she knew, coming in to check on her. I had no real idea what was going on, but clearly Jenna did. Her job gave her an awareness that most patients in her position wouldn't have and the fact that this was the hospital where she worked gave her friends to share information other nurses may never have offered.

When the room cleared out enough that I could have a few minutes alone with my wife to finally ask her what the hell was going on. I noticed for the first time as I pulled up a chair and sat down next to her hospital bed, taking her pale, sweaty hand in mine, just exactly how scared she looked.

"Looks like we're having a baby tonight, Nick," she whispered, doing her best to breath through a contraction as she tried to explain the situation. "My water broke... so there's nothing they can do now to stop labor." Her breathing got heavier and she had to stop talking. I leaned forward and gently rubbed her back the way they'd taught us in lamaze class, breathing along with her as I watched the contraction on the monitor peak before finally beginning to fall again.

Several contractions later found us once again with a room full of nurses. With each contraction, it seemed, our son's heart rate would fall... and Jenna's would race.

"The baby isn't tolerating the labor Jenna. And you're not doing too great either," our OB spoke these words upon finally arriving a few moments after the real craziness began. "We need to deliver right away."

A flurry of movement then, and suddenly they were wheeling my wife away from me and a nurse was handing me a set of scrubs to get changed into. A remember feeling lost. Feeling like this wasn't the way we'd planned this whole thing. The quiet birthing room with soft music and me holding her hand. This was scary. This was nuts. I felt the hot tears beginning to sting my eyes, but told myself now was not the time to cry.

I can't really say what all occurred after that because things happened so fast that I honestly don't remember much. I arrived in the OR only seconds before our son was pulled out... at 2:31 am on July 5th, 2012. And I remember holding my breath waiting to hear that first cry.

But it never came.

The NICU nurses and doctors rushed him from the room. Jenna told me I should go with him... but I stayed by her side until they wheeled her to recovery.

What felt like hours later, I was led to the NICU by a nurse who had come to inform us that our son was doing well. He was on oxygen, and would need to be in the hospital for at least a few weeks. He weighed only 4 lbs and was struggling to maintain his body temperature. But for an 8 week preemie, he was doing well.

I'll never forget the moment I laid eyes on my son. They say you fall in love with your child at first sight. I know the first feelings I had the moment I saw my son, connected to machines and needing help to even breathe were that he was so tiny and fragile... and that I wanted to pick him up and run as far away from that hospital with him as I could. I loved him, it's true. I can't even begin to describe the immense feeling of love that I was overcome with the very second I reached my hand through that isolet and touched my baby boy's fingers. But to say it was a love without reservations would be a lie. It was almost like I was afraid to let myself love him too deeply. Afraid that if I let myself fall too hard... he would somehow slip away.

It wasn't until later that night after sitting by my son's bed most of the day just talking to him and telling him to be strong and to fight, that I really truly fell in love. I was sitting by his isolette, singing the same song I'd been singing in the car when Jenna had gone into labor;

It was as I was singing the song that my son opened up his eyes for the first time and stared straight at me. It was like daggers of love in my heart.

And in that moment I realized that this little man... Jackson Carter, was the greatest thing to ever happen in my life.