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Amanda was carrying the plates that had held the sandwiches back to the kitchen, planning to start the dishwasher while she was out there. Nick was looking through the MadLibs book still, reading all the stories Brian had made. After a couple minutes of her being in the kitchen, though, Nick closed the book and put it on the coffee table, using the couch he’d been leaning against to get up.

Amanda was bent over the dishwasher when he got in the kitchen. She looked up at him and smiled sadly. He went up behind her and as she stood up, she found herself in a hug from behind. She smiled and rested her palms on his arms. “I never thought I’d be here,” he whispered into her ear, looking out at the ocean through the window.

She knew he didn’t mean in Maine, because he’d been there before, and she was pretty certain he didn’t mean with his arms wrapped around her in a kitchen because that, too, had been done. Rather, he meant in a world without Brian.

“You’re doing really well,” she commended him, “Dealing with it all.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Brian would’ve been proud of you,” she said. She turned to look up at him instead of being backed into him. Amanda wrapped her arms around Nick’s neck and stared up at him. “He said so himself in that journal – how strong you are.”

Nick shrugged. “I don’t feel very strong.”

“The fact that you’re still here speaks volumes,” she whispered.

A smile – a tiny one – spread across Nick’s face. He sighed and kissed Amanda’s forehead. “Yanno, when he first got sick, I had this really weird idea…”

“What idea was that?”

Nick drew a deep breath, “Well when they told him he needed chemo, his greatest worry at first was his hair. He was sitting there in a hospital bed, right, and he’s all sick and stuff, and we’re waiting for Leighanne to get there, and he looks at me and he goes, ‘Chemotherapy.. that’s the one that makes you puke and your hair falls out, right? Like the guy in Dying Young?’ and I told him yeah, I thought so, and he’s like, ‘I don’t wanna be bald.’”

Amanda smiled sadly, “Aww…”

“I mean of all things to be worried about at that point, right?” Nick laughed through tears, “But I told myself that when he lost his hair, I was gonna shave my head, so we were bald together.”

Amanda’s throat tightened. The gesture was simple enough, it wasn’t huge, it was just something small – but it was one of the things that had contributed to Brian’s something beautiful. Here was living proof that Nick would’ve done anything for Brian. She looked up at him. “You’re sweet,” she whispered.

Nick closed his eyes and hugged her tighter to him. “I’m glad I can tell someone this stuff,” he said, resting his chin on her head.

Amanda’s ear rested against his chest and she listened as his heart throbbed inside of him, the lullaby of his blood pressure like a song. She closed her eyes, too, and they stood there in the kitchen. He listened to her breathing, and she listened to his heartbeat.