It was the next morning after a short night’s sleep and I was cranky.

Immediately after elimination we were suppose to have a casual mixer with everyone. Instead, thanks to Crazy McCrazypants, we had to spend the whole night doing IDI’s.

IDI’s stands for In Depth Interviews; there’s your tidbit of TV jargon.

The producer will interview us, separately, about everything dealing with the show. It doesn’t sound bad, except if you don’t have anything juicy or bitchy to say, they just sit there for hours asking you questions constantly until they feel they have enough footage.

Oh the joys of reality TV.

I used last night’s IDI as an opportunity to express my opinion on why I don’t understand women fighting because of a guy. Hello, he’s the one that cheated on you, not her.

I was also the only one that even noticed that Lacey shouldn’t be on a dating show if she was still married. I think Dan, the producer, gave me brownie points for the tirade I went on about that one and let me go early.

I was jarred from my thoughts as the intercom reminded us that today’s challenge started in forty-five minutes on the front steps of the mansion.

The production assistant came around to inform us that we were to dress for ‘strenuous physical activity’.

Great. I was not about to climb a mountain for this guy.

Two hours later, our vans dropped us off at exactly that…a mountain. Okay, so it was actually some hills, close enough.

Nick and Carson stood to the side as we stepped out. I swear Carson looked happy for once.

I kept thinking about why he was happy. Maybe he got a girlfriend? Or boyfriend? Probably that one.

Then my stomach immediately dropped. He hated us and this show, so I’m sure we were about to get tortured. Or whatever the legal equivalent to that was.

I was happy to see Nick not wearing those hideous camo shorts. Instead he had on jeans and a white shirt. Way to get creative with your wardrobe choices, Nick.

I still wanted to do things to him that TV was not meant to capture.

“I’m happy to see all of you today. I’ve taken the past couple of years to better myself health-wise and emotionally. If I’m going to date someone, they need to be willingly to improve as well. Today’s challenge is all about baggage and how you handle it,” as Nick said that Carson stepped up.

He was almost giddy.

“Shortly, you’ll each get a clipboard with a short survey. You all will have ten minutes to fill it out. Then wait for further instructions.”

With that we were handed our surveys that consisted of questions that we could either answer yes or no to.

1.) I have had a difficult relationship/break up in the past two years.

Nope. So far this wasn’t that bad. I moved on to the next question.

2.) I have unresolved issues concerning a past relationship.

I was almost thirty, duh.

3.) I often feel pressure from my family and/or friends to fit in a mold.

Oh hey, looks like they were thinking about my mother when they wrote this one. Next question.

4.) I have a supportive relationship with my parents.

I have a supportive relationship with one parent. I guess I’ll just put no.

5.) I have a supportive group of friends I can turn to.

At least I’m good at friendships.

6.) I often worry about my future.

I wrote yes and quickly handed my survey in. My bad mood was now magnified.

I didn’t sign up for therapy, in fact I didn’t even sign up for this show.

I sulked to the side while the others finished, they all looked just as happy as I did. Once the last person finished, Carson stepped forward and started talking.

“Depending on how you answered each question, you were either award no weight or five pounds,” as he said this, he stepped to the side to reveal backpacks for each of us.

As the backpacks were filled with weights, Carson continued, “Once you get your backpack, you will each start a three mile hike. But remember what Nick said, it’s not the amount of baggage but how you handle it.”

“I’ll see you ladies at the end and you’ll find out how each of you did in the challenge.” Nick ended.

With that, we all started walking toward the trail that wound up the hill. There were arrows with our names at certain forks in the road, so after about five minutes we were alone minus our respective cameramen.

It was hot and I had an extra twenty pounds on my back. I was pissed.

I was even more upset at that survey. Of course it brought up issues I liked to keep buried deep down inside. I could see now that was the whole point.

I thought about the relationship I had with my mother.  I loved her, don’t get me wrong, but I didn’t like her. She was cold and judgmental. She grew up in the day where women were seen and not heard, especially in our upper class world.

Instead of playing games with me or helping me with my homework, she was scheduling luncheons and fundraisers. I was just expected to go from one after school activity to the next.

And to grow up exactly like her.

Obviously that didn’t happen, for which I’m thankful. But that hasn’t stopped me for wanting her approval.

I continued to walk up the hill. I was sweating and my knee was aching. Years ago, I blew it out skiing and it has never been the same. That was when I had to stop dancing competitively.

I think that was definitely when the divide between my mother and I grew too wide to repair. To her, ballet was an impressive ‘sport’ in our society and one of the few things we both loved.

Something my Aunt Annie loved as well. My mother’s sister was the ‘me’ of her family. She was much more of a free spirit. We were always so close, until she passed away from cancer.

I guessed I was beginning the second mile and by this time the tears I usually had locked away started flowing.

I just missed her. And sometimes I wished she were here instead of my mother. I always felt worse for thinking this, but I couldn’t help it. She wouldn’t be constantly reminding me that I needed to find a husband or pointing out every little thing about me that she didn’t approve of.

I wasn’t even a rebel growing up. I was always the ‘perfect southern belle’ and other than not being married and cursing way too much, I still am.

I saw the end of the trail far in the distance and tried my tears. I reminded myself that I really was happy. There were people that didn’t have a family. I definitely shouldn’t be throwing myself a pity party.

Stupid baggage exercise.

When I arrived, there were a couple girls already back. Candy looked content but tired. Aspen and Kelsey didn’t even look like they broke a sweat. Megan was already going on and on about finishing first. Amy just sat of to the side with an angry look on her face.

I took my backpack off and sat down on the side to wait for the others.

Soon I saw two of the girls I didn’t know as well both come up their respective trails.

Jo was a little taller than me and had long brown hair. All I really knew about her was that she taught kindergarten in Chicago. She pretty much kept to herself.

Landry did not keep to herself at all. She was the self-proclaimed ‘super fan’ and I wasn’t about to fight her on that title. She liked to remind us constantly every little fact about Nick and the Backstreet Boys and how she needed to win. What home girl needed was some Xanax most of the time.

We waited for a couple of minutes as Brittany walked up. She mostly kept to herself like Jo. But I have walked past her room and heard her screaming at Kelsey for taking her vitamins without asking a couple of times. I didn’t really want to get on her bad side.

After her, followed the last one, Cindy. She was a shorter, not so pretty version of Candy. I never saw her without a piece of gum in her mouth. She was just another wannabe in Los Angeles.

Carson and Nick soon motioned for us to gather round.

“All of you did a great job, but there can only be one winner to go on a one-on-one date. What you may not have realized is that this wasn’t a race-“

Megan complete started a temper tantrum over his little speech, “What!? I wouldn’t have ran the whole way if I would have known that!”

Carson motioned for him to continue, “Anyway, the challenge was about how you handled the extra weight you had. Carson and I were watching the footage and decided a winner based on that.”

Megan continued to pout, most of the girls perked up a little at the thought of a chance at still winning the challenge.

“Kelsey and Aspen, you two both decided to quit the hike, to me that makes me wonder if you would just give up if we had problems,” Nick said as the camera moved to them. Aspen rolled her eyes and Kelsey jumped into the defend herself.

“I twisted my ankle. I didn’t quit. And I wouldn’t give up if we were together.”

“Kelsey, please let Nick continue,” Carson sternly said. Looks like old Carson was back.

“With that, the runner up is Emily. It seemed like you were considering your life and pushing through it what seemed like knee problems,” Nick paused to allow me to speak while everyone looked at me.

“Yep, that was me, just crying up a hill. Thanks.” I didn’t really know what to say.

He smiled at me and kept talking, “It was apparent that the winner for today was really struggling to push through issues. You had to stop a couple times to regain yourself just you kept pushing and finished strong. Congratulations, Jo.” As he said that Jo’s eyes lit up and she walked toward Nick for a hug.

I saw her thank him as a couple of tears rolled down.

Well at least it was someone that seemed nice…or a good actress.

With that we all got into the vans and headed back to the house.