It was three am and I still couldn’t go to sleep. I had been tossing and turning in bed since midnight. This was useless.

I quietly got up and went outside. The sky was completely clear and a full moon brightly lit up the sky.

I looked up for a couple of seconds then walked around to the same spot that I spent the other morning reading at. It was hidden away from the rest of the yard so I felt a tiny bit of privacy.

I laid down on the grass and stared up at the sky. I wasn’t really thinking of anything. I actually felt better after the challenge. I didn’t cry on a regular basis, so this afternoon felt like a little spring cleaning of emotions. Meaning I wasn’t due for another session anytime soon.

I closed my eyes for a moment before I heard the grass shuffle next to me.

“You know, you looked like a dead body from my window.”

“Do you use that line to charm all the women?”

Nick picked a spot next to me and laid down.

“Sixty percent of the time it works every time,” he replied with a quote from Anchorman.

“You stay classy, Backstreet Boy,” I replied as we started laughing.

We laughed for a couple of seconds before he asked, “So what are you doing out here?”

“I have insomnia. I used to do this growing up. There’s something so calming about staring up at the stars. Well, in this case, staring up at the layer of smog.”

“You did this in Miami?”

“Oh heavens no, I grew up in Texas, a little town called Fredrickberg,” I said using my best ‘Texas Twang’.

“Oh heavens no! I do declare!” Nick was speaking in a ridiculous Scarlett O’Hare-esque voice. Um, hello wrong state.

I gently shoved him as I laughed. Yep, those feel like muscles. Not really great or anything…

“So can I ask you a personal question?”

“Go for it,” I replied as I folded my hands on my stomach.

“What’s the story behind today with the challenge?” He said, obviously referring to my tear fest.

I told him all about my mother and my aunt. I had no idea why I was being so open with him. It had to be his good looks making my brain not work or something.

Nick was silent for a moment before he finally spoke, “I often wonder if we’re given our family in order to teach us.”

Who knew a guy in a boy band could be so insightful? Definitely not me. I was starting to think maybe I had this preconceived idea of who he was before I even got here.

“I completely agree. Do you ever feel like maybe you are who you are because of your parents or in spite of them?”

Nick let out a long sigh. If I looked over, I swear I would see him scratching his chin. But I was already struggling to keep this newfound nervousness in check. I doubt looking at him would help.

He finally started to speak, “I really think that a lot of the things I did in my past were in spite of my mom, but who I am now is because of her.”

“Honestly, I could have never guessed you were this philosophical. It’s a pleasant surprise,” I admitted.

He nudged me and I turned to see him wink at me before replying, “I’m full of surprises.”

He continued, “And I think you are too.”

“Yes, I’m an onion of many layers.”

Somehow we got in a ridiculous exchange of random facts about one another. I think it had been going on for an hour. Nick was trying to convince me that G.I. Joe counted when I asked what kind of Barbie he would be. As I listened to him I noticed how tired I was.

“Agree to disagree. But you can have the last question. I’ll need to get my beauty sleep if I’m to win your heart tomorrow,” I smirked.

“And it will be a doozy.”

He laughed a little before continuing, “Okay okay, uhh…if you could be any animal what would you be and why?”

“Ooh I totally have this one! I would be a panda because they’re-“

“About to be extinct?” Nick interrupted.

“Hey now, it’s my turn then you can answer whatever your little heart desires,” I paused to look at him.

He zipped up his lips with his fingers.

“Anyway, I would be a panda because they’re cute but they’re bears, so they can still rip your face off. But they cool part is that they spend at least 16 hours a day laying down eating.”

“You would spend your whole day eating?”

“I just really like pandas. Your turn mister.” I crossed my arms and let him answer. He better have a great answer if he was going to judge mine.

“I would be a butterfly…”

Before I could start laughing, he held up his finger and continued, “Because they spend half their life as a caterpillar then grow into something beautiful, and I feel like I’m finally turning into a butterfly.”

I waited to make sure he was completely done before erupting in laughter.

“I have to give you props on your reasoning but a butterfly? You sure you don’t want to be a lightening bug so you can light up the world?”

“Don’t be hating on my answer, it was metaphorical.” He held a straight face for about five seconds before breaking into a smile.

A beautiful smile… beautiful like a butterfly.

I broke into laughter again.

Nick stood up and offered me his hand. I took it and swear I felt a spark.

“You shocked me,” he said as he pulled me up.

Oh that’s what that was. Nevermind.

“Is the wittle butterfly going to be okay?” I joked.

“Ha. Ha.”

And then the awkward moment began.

We stood there for a second before he finally broke the ice.

“I’ll make sure to look out the window for a dead body tomorrow night.”

“I’ll be sure to keep that in mind.” Suddenly I was shy. Look what this man was doing to me.

I started to walk away before turning to glance at him. He was doing the same. I waved.

What the hell? I waved? I was a completely moron.

As I walked to my room, I passed the bathroom as Kelsey was walking out.

“Where were you?” Someone was in a pissy mood.

“I was sitting outside.”

“Why?” What was this woman’s issue?

“I couldn’t sleep. I’ll make sure to report to you next time.” Don’t ruin my giddy mood.

She huffed off toward her room as I walked to mine. I already lucked out by catching Nick when we weren’t filming. Rumor had it that there were a lot of concessions made to get Nick to do this show. And not filming 24/7 was one of them. I just didn’t want everyone else finding out. I was doing fine at flying under the radar so far.

The last thing I needed were the claws coming out at my expense.

And besides, we just talked. It wasn't as if we were planning our wedding.