Chapter 30
"Nicky?" Amanda called when she came home. She had left JC to rehearse on his own because she was so worried about Nick. She wandered through the dark house...it was silent and that scared her.
"Nick?"
He lay on the floor by the bar, slumped on his side....motionless. Amanda closed her eyes, not wanting to believe this was real, but it was. Beer bottles scattered across the counter of the bar. The stool Nick had been sitting on was laying on its side next to him.
"Nick....please..." She begged as she rolled him over. In his hand was a pill bottle. Several of them were missing. Nick's face was pale and his skin felt cold to the touch as Amanda tried to wake him. She could hear the headlines now...Nick Carter...25 years old found dead in his home. Warm tears rolled down her face and she cradled his head in her lap as she listened for a pulse. It was very faint but he was still alive.
"Thank god." Amanda muttered as she reached for the phone. She dialed for the ambulance and waited. The front door opened and AJ came in with Celine.
"You fucking bastard!" Amanda screamed. AJ put Celine in her playpen. The baby's eyes fell upon Nick laying on the floor and she looked at him.
"Dada?"
"What the hell are you telling me off for?" AJ shouted. Sobbing, Amanda started punching him until he finally restrained her by the wrists.
"Nick....you left him...this is all YOUR fault!! I HATE YOU!" she shouted, crying hysterically.
"He chose this Amanda. Not me." AJ said without any emotion.
"How....how can you say that? It's your fault he did this to himself. If he dies, you better hope to god I don't kill you!" Amanda yelled.
"Nick will be fine, calm down."
"CALM DOWN?! My fiancé is laying on the floor! I told you not to leave him alone, AJ. I told you to watch him! And you want me to calm down?" Amanda said, shaking with anger. Nick lay at her feet, looking as if he were simply asleep. The baby started to cry...she sensed something was wrong.
"Amanda..."
"Not another word. Take care of Celine. You can handle that, can't you? I told you that this was a bad idea. Why did I listen to you?"
"You're blaming me?!" AJ protested.
"Of course I am blaming you. It was your idea and when he wakes up I am going to tell him what an asshole he has for a friend." Amanda snapped as the paramedics arrived and took Nick to the hospital. Amanda left Celine with AJ and went after them. Several hours and a stomach pumping later...Amanda sat at Nick's bedside.
"Hey..." he whispered as he woke up.
"Oh, thank god. You gave us quite a scare, baby." she said as she kissed his hand and smiled. Amanda wasn't really angry with Nick, but she wanted to know the truth. What had triggered the thought of suicide? The fact he had an open bottle of pain medicine in his hand when she found him raised a lot of questions in Amanda's mind.
"Why am I here?" Nick asked, feeling dizzy. His stomach was aching and his head felt like it was splitting over.
"You don't remember? I found you on the floor at home. They said you overdosed and had to pump your stomach." she explained softly. Nick felt ashamed of himself. How could he be so stupid? He had never meant to kill himself...he didn't want things to be like this. Everything was so confusing and it made his head hurt. He just wanted everything to be the way it was again.
"Nick, I know what you're thinking, and I'm not mad at you." Amanda said after a few moments of awkward silence.
"You're not?" he asked....sounding so much younger than he was.
"Of course not, sweetheart. I just want to understand why you did what you did. You never talk to me anymore...I feel like you're drifting away from me." Amanda confessed.
"Wow...I'm so sorry, baby. I just had a lot on my mind. I'm scared....scared that I won't be able to do what I love....won't be able to be with the one I love." Nick explained, not looking at her.
"But why, Nick? Why the pills? Why did you do that?"
"I had a headache while I was drinking. I wanted to get rid of it....I was so upset. Not just about performing...other things." Nick told her. He looked away from her, his eyes watering.
"Suicide wasn't the answer. You really need to take a good look at yourself Nick. You have been so depressed and distant lately that I feel like I'm losing you." Amanda said softly.
"I wasn't trying to kill myself.....honestly...the whole thing was an accident." Nick replied. He did not know if this was a lie or not...he was scared. So many thoughts were going on in his head and he couldn't sort them out.
"I believe you, baby.....but please, don't do anything like this again. I love you and I can't lose you." Amanda said, leaning in to kiss him. Nick returned it and she left the room, leaving him to his thoughts. The night had been a bad one, but he knew it was time to make things right if he was ever going to be himself again.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Back with another update after that cliffhanger yesterday! Enjoy!
