Chapter 31
Nick was released from the hospital the following morning. He felt a bit better than last night, but what he was thinking scared him. He wondered why he had taken those pills....how he had let himself get this deep. He hated how he felt and the looks he got from Amanda....it was fear.
"Nick...the doctors think you should seek therapy....you're depressed a lot lately."
"I don't need therapy, I'm fine." Nick protested. Amanda hated when Nick denied his feelings, he always bottled them up and she knew it was the cause of his depression.
"Nick you can't keep doing this..."
"I'm FINE." he said, looking out the window of the car.
"You keep shutting me out, baby. It's not good to keep it all in." Amanda whispered as they pulled into the driveway. Nick didn't answer her, he simply limped into the house and was quiet the rest of the night. Amanda was afraid for him...she watched him the next day or so and did not see a change in his mood.
"What are you looking at?" AJ asked when he passed by the office on his way to have a cigarette outside.
"Apartments for me and Celine."
"Why? There is plenty of room here." AJ said, raising an eyebrow. Amanda shook her head, looking at the computer screen.
"I don't want Celine to be exposed to this....Nick needs help and he won't admit to himself something is wrong. The other night...."
"I know, it scared me too. All I can think about is how Celine looked when he was laying on the floor." AJ replied softly.
"That's what I'm talking about, Jay. It's not good for any of us. What if Aaron had found him while you were gone...or someone else?" Amanda said.
"I agree. You need to do what's best for the baby."
"I'm giving him two weeks, AJ....two weeks or I'm gone." Amanda said, clicking on the mouse again.
Nick stood around the corner...his eyes watering as he heard them talking. He was a screw up....Amanda had no idea he had started to lose the weight he gained...but he felt horrible. He felt that she didn't love him anymore and he needed to change. That night they lay in bed together and Nick started kissing her shoulder softly, moving towards her neck. Amanda looked at him, surprised. His body was next to hers and she could feel that he was thinner.
"Baby?"
"Mhmmm?" Nick muttered as his lips moved to her neck. They felt so good....Amanda desperately wanted them to touch her own.
"Are you okay?" she asked.
"Yeah....I miss you, that's all. I miss being with you like this." Nick whispered. His cologne smelled wonderful and he put his arm around her, holding her close to him.
"Nicky...I..."
"I am so sorry for how I have been the last few weeks." Nick explained suddenly.
"Why did you take those pills?" Amanda asked, not looking at him.
"I'm going through something right now."
"You won't tell me what it is? I thought we could tell each other anything, baby." she whispered, frowning.
"I promise I will....once I have sorted this out. The other day was not good for me. I am seeing a therapist to help me."
"You are?"
"I'm doing this for us. I don't want to lose you, Amanda." Nick said, kissing her again.
"Nicky, do it for yourself. Don't do it for me. I want you to be happy...I feel like you're drifting away from me these days. All I want is to know why."
"In time I will tell you, but right now I have so much going through my head that needs to be sorted out." he told her.
"I am glad you are trying, sweetheart." Amanda said as she kissed him again. They fell asleep next to one another like they used to do...like they did before all of this began. The next day, Amanda went outside to ask Nick a question about dinner that night but could not find him until she heard the lawn mower.
"Baby? I wanted to ask....oh wow." she muttered as he turned to face her, shirtless and tanned. His muscles glistened with sweat and he pushed the lawnmower, his biceps flexing.
"Hey honey." Nick said, grinning as she checked him out. Amanda looked like she was in a trance as he walked up to her on the porch.
"You....you look..."
"Yes?"
"You look perfect..." she replied, gawking at his body.
"I do?" he smiled.
"Uh huh."
"Well, I'm a bit sweaty and dirty...want to help me clean up?" Nick smirked mischievously. Amanda did not hesitate, she and Nick were in the shower together moments later, making out. Nick loved every minute of it, feeling the happiest he felt in weeks. He and Amanda moved to the bedroom and made love, for the first time in a long while....he didn't feel ugly. Nick felt loved and happy. He knew now that everything would be okay...nothing would keep him from being with her.
Nick left for therapy early the next morning, leaving the house to Amanda. AJ had taken Celine to the park with Aaron to play outside. Brian stopped by carrying a towel, wearing flip flops and swim shorts.
"Mind if I take a swim? You can come too if you like." Brian asked with a smile. Amanda had not hung out with Brian in quite a while she agreed and changed into a blue bikini. When she came outside, Brian already had his shirt off and was in the water.
"Well being an officer has been good to you, Bri." Amanda commented. He was short yet muscular, his arms were bigger than Nick's. He flexed and laughed at her as she stared. Brian missed how she used to look at him when they were dating. Amanda looked great as well, healthy and slender, the bathing suit showing off her curves.
"My workout regimen is helping a lot. I need to stay in shape for work." Brian explained as they got into the water. He could feel his feelings for her coming back as they swam and talked.
"That's great you take care of yourself." Amanda said. She and Brian had fun splashing each other and running through the waves until he fell and she was underneath him. He smiled down at her, breathing heavily.
"Brian, I-" she said, but her lips were interrupted by his...he felt wonderful....until she remembered he was not Nick. She pushed him off and he stood there, horrified.
"What was...."
"I gotta go...I....I have to...oh god." Brian said, his blue eyes wide as he turned and ran....leaving Amanda confused about her own feelings for him.
Author's Chapter Notes:
I know I have been evil with the last few updates but here we go again! Enjoy!
