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Chapter 13

Nick walked over to Jen and hugged her her, “you look great Nick.” Traitor.

“Thanks, so do you.” What was she doing here? I thought I said that I didn’t want to meet her. Just then I felt arms around my shoulders.

“Hey Ally!” Chelsea grinned. She giggled sheepishly when she noticed everyone staring. “Sorry, hi everyone!”

“Hey Chels,” Nick grinned and walked back over to us. He put his hands on my shoulders and whispered, “It’s going to be okay Ally. I think you two need to talk.” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I didn’t want to talk to her. Nick put his arms around Chelsea’s shoulders, “why don’t we go into the kitchen and you can tell me all about your summer.” She glanced at me as Nick led her out of the room and I winked for her sake. Her crush on my father was a known fact to all of us, Nick included. He was used to it; I found it disturbing.

“Ally,” Jen said softly, “hi.”

“Hello,” I stepped into the room but refused to look at her. She didn’t deserve that. “What are you doing here?”

“She wanted to meet you,” BJ said.

“Even after I said that we should leave well enough alone?”

BJ bit her lip, I was so angry with her, “you didn’t know what you were thinking.”

I glared at her, “I didn’t?”

Jen turned to BJ, “give us a minute okay?” She turned back to me and grinned. I tried not to look at her but I had to. She was gorgeous…and looked nothing like me. My hair was blonde, hers was brown. My eyes were blue, hers were brown. I was tall and thin, and she was thin, but really short. I don’t know how Nick dealt with the height thing; it would’ve pissed me off. “You look just like your father.”

I nodded. “What are you doing here?”

She sighed, “I know you didn’t want to see me, but BJ thought we should talk.” It was nice to know my Aunt would go behind my back like this.

I shrugged, “So…what?”

“I’m sorry Ally, for everything,” She sat down. “I know those words have completely no meaning for what I’ve done, I understand and I accept that we will never be able to have a relationship; I deserve this. I saw pictures of you and Nick at an airport in Paris and knew that I just had to try and explain everything to you. There were things I would’ve handled differently. But, it was a choice that I can’t go back and undo.”

“Would you undo it if you could?”

She hesitated. She freaking hesitated, which meant, no, she’d do it all over again. So why were we here having this conversation? “I wanted to get the chance to know you.”

“Why did you leave Jen?”

She closed her eyes, “You have to understand, I was a little young back then. I wasn’t able to fully comprehend my actions or deal with the consequences.” I shrugged and she continued, “I felt suffocated. You only stopped crying when Nick would hold you, you would scream your head off if I ever tried to feed you, change you or hold you. Nick was your everything. After a while I started to resent him for it. Why did he have such a way with you and I didn’t? I was your mother, we were supposed to have a connection. Then, after a while I realized that I still had things I wanted to accomplish, and staying wouldn’t have let me accomplish them.”

I was glad I hated her even back then. I probably knew what was coming. “So it wasn’t what you wanted. Did you ever stop to think about Nick? He was two years younger than you, he was in a band, and touring all over the world, and all you could think about was yourself.”

“I’ll be honest with you, it wasn’t what I wanted back then. I was selfish. Nick was living his dream and I wanted a chance to live mine.”

“Is it what you want now?”

“I do have a family now, yes.”

I froze. “You have a family now?” She did? I had brothers or sisters? She was capable of loving someone and staying in one place?

She bit her lip, “I have two boys, twins, they’re six.”

“What are their names?”

“Jacob and Preston,” she said softly. She handed me a picture and I stared at it.

“Is that the father?”

“My husband, we live in Orlando, I’m a chef at a restaurant in Disney.” she said softly. I stared at the two boys, my brothers. They looked like her. So she wanted a family, she just didn’t want the one that I was a part of. I got angry.

“You know, I don’t really want to hear about any of this.” I shook my head, “they’re your reasons, and reasons I’ll never understand. Nick is the greatest guy I know and it’s sad that you missed out on that. It’s sad that you missed out on getting to know me, and I turned out fine without you. Nick was a great Dad, the greatest and taught me how to be the same. It’s sad that growing up I wasn’t able to share things with you…that you weren’t here for things that Nick couldn’t help me with. But that’s okay; I had other people who loved me that were willing to help me. I’m sad for you, that you missed out on getting to know two great people in your life. That your dreams were more important than helping someone else establish theirs, that your dreams didn’t include us.” I smiled at her, “But I refuse to be sad anymore about the fact that you weren’t there for me because my life turned out great anyways.”

There were tears flowing down her cheeks but I stood my ground even though it was killing me. “That’s all I wanted Ally. I’m sorry that I wasn’t there for you when you needed me, but I’m happy that you turned into a beautiful young woman. Nick did a good job.”

“Of course he did, he loves me.”

She nodded and stood up, “Here’s my number, if you ever want to talk, just call me. I think I should get going.”

I agreed, “I think you should too.” She took a step towards me but I took a step back. If I let her hug me, I would take back everything I just said and beg her to come back into my life. “Nice to finally meet you Jen.”

She smiled sadly, “Goodbye Alexandra.”

She quietly shut the door behind her and I walked into the kitchen. Nick was leaning against the counter and Chelsea was sitting on it. They were in conversation, but the atmosphere was tense. When I walked up to Nick he opened his arms and gave me a hug that I desperately needed.

Then I started to cry.