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Chapter 17

The sex talk that Alex and Nick had given me after I had found Nick on top of some woman was vague and I spent most of it trying to burn the image out of my mind. But they had sat me down and told me that sex was something that I should take seriously, and be in love with the person I was with. It was awkward, uncomfortable and, well, scarring but they had both imprinted me with the notion that sex was supposed to be special, not something one went into lightly because the outcome was always an emotional one.

But Chelsea had always said that the best sex came with no strings attached because then you couldn’t get hurt. I knew why there could be such a disconnect for her though. Her parents were still married, but her father was constantly stringing along other woman while he traveled behind their backs. Chelsea’s heart had hardened, and I know mine would’ve been the same way if I didn’t have so much other love surrounding me.

That’s why I couldn’t take that final step with Brandon. But I had no idea how I was going to convince that to Nick. He was so quick to think that I could do that. God, I was so stupid last night.

I closed my eyes as Brandon started taking off my underwear but then stopped him. “Stop Brandon.”

“I don’t want to,” he didn’t stop. I sat up and pushed him off me. “What the fuck Ally.”

“I said stop! I don’t want to do this anymore.” I stood up and slipped the dress over my head.

“What the hell, you go to all that and just decide to stop.” He stood up, “I don’t fucking think so.” I searched around for my shoes and bra and walked to the door.

“My bad,” I grinned slyly at him, “Have a nice life Brandon.” I shut the door behind me and walked out of party.

I opened my eyes when I felt my bed dip. I saw Nick sitting on the edge, holding a glass of orange juice. “I crushed up some Tylenol and put it in the juice for you.”

I took it and chugged it, hoping the faster I drank, the faster my headache would go away. He didn’t move from the bed, but didn’t look at me either. “I’m not stupid.”

“Never said you were.”

Tears sprung to my eyes, “I can’t tell you what happened without getting insanely embarrassed.”

“Me either, but my number one priority is to make sure you’re safe.” He sighed, “I just…” He pinched his fingers to his nose, a sure sign that he was nervous. “I taught you better than that Ally. You have a good head on your shoulders, and I know it’s ultimately your decision but…” He finally looked at me, “you’re so much better than that.”

I pressed my face into my pillow, “I know. I just…” I couldn’t believe I was about to say this. “Chelsea always tells me how great it is and how I’m missing out. Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one left who hasn’t tried it. And boys never look at me because they know my Dad is famous and a millionaire.” I peeked up at him to see him blushing.

“You’re not a cheap thrills kind of girl like Chelsea is Ally. You are two completely different people.”

“I know,” I whispered, “but everyone likes Chelsea.” I sniffled, “nobody likes me.”

“And you think that spreading your legs is going to change that?” He asked. I groaned into my pillow. “They’ll talk to you…only if they think you’ll sleep with them.”

“It’s better than being ignored,” I sniffled.

“No, it’s not.” He took a deep breath. “I used to be one of those boys Ally. We were assholes. We let the really good ones get away.” I did not want to hear about Nick used to get around.

“Nick, I don’t really want to hear this.”

He chuckled and I was now convinced that the blush I had on my cheeks was permanent. “Good, because I really don’t want to tell you.” He hesitated, “If you are going to…do that. Just be safe about it, okay?”

“God Dad, I didn’t have sex okay?” I huffed stood up, “All night I kept thinking that you would get so pissed if you knew what I was doing right now! I was doing shots of vodka, and the only thought running through my mind was that it was your favorite. I walked into his bedroom and saw all the video games that you have stashed in your closet that you convinced me you threw away.” I let out a frustrated scream, “I can’t even break any rules because all I can think about it how you’ll find out, because you always do! So no, Brandon and I didn’t have sex. I’m still a virgin, and now I hate you for making me say all of that.” I slammed my bathroom door behind me and was determined to never leave.

He needed to just drop it. I looked at myself in the mirror and tried to smile like Alex had said. I was still a mess, and I was starting to think that there was a permanent hole in my heart that slowly started to get bigger as the days went on. There was something missing but I had no idea how to fix it. It was bigger than Brandon.

Nick wasn’t in my room when I poked my head out. I was intending to throw myself on my bed and sleep for the rest of my life but the card sitting on my nightstand stood out like an elephant in the room. I looked at the door when there was a knock. I was not ready for another talk with Nick. I had enough of those to last a lifetime.

But it was Aaron. “Hi.”

He grinned, “Hey Beautiful. Your Dad and I are going to take the boat out for the afternoon. Please stay out of trouble while we’re gone okay?” I glared at him. “I’m not here for very long and I want to spend some time with you before I leave okay?”

My Uncle Aaron held a particular place in my heart. I didn’t see him a lot, mostly at holidays but he was so awesome. He was almost as protective as Nick was, which annoyed me, but he was so much cooler than Nick about it. He did things with me that Nick would never do. For Christmas one year, we had all met in Maine. My Grandma Jane had just moved there and the whole family made the trek for Christmas. It was cold as hell but Aaron took me to the beach and asked if I wanted to do something really cool. I, of course, said yes, and then we went in the ocean. In December. We had returned to the house drenched, shivering and freezing. Nick got so angry at Aaron but I didn’t care. I had fun splashing around and having snowball fights in the middle of winter was such a cool thing to do. I had a hard time staying out of trouble with Aaron was around.

I went to the window to see the boat just going out of sight. I grabbed the card and ran down to the kitchen and stared at the phone. I tried to convince myself that I shouldn’t. I didn’t want to, but I needed to. Someone picked up on the fourth ring, “hello?”

I took a deep breath, “Hi, is Jen there?”