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Chapter 19

“Your explanation for ditching school better be amazing Alexandra. You are in so much trouble, you’ll be lucky to see the light of day.” Nick stood towering over my car in the garage, his stature rigid and his voice ice cold.

But I didn’t care. As soon as I had gotten in the car in Orlando, I had started crying, and I hadn’t stopped. I walked up to him, wrapped my arms around his waist and burst into another fit of tears. He went to move away but I squeezed him tighter, my tears staining his shirt.

“What happened? Where did you go?” But I couldn’t answer him, I crying too hard to talk. “Hey,” he said softly, wrapping an arm around my shoulders, “Calm down Ally. It’s okay.” I still couldn’t answer him. “Ally baby, you need to calm down okay? I don’t want you to start hyperventilating. Take a deep breath okay?”

“I can’t,” I whispered. “It hurts so much.”

“What hurts? Where does it hurt? What happened?”

I pressed my face into his chest and continued to cry, “My heart. It hurts so bad.” I felt it breaking into pieces, and each sliver was getting lodged in my throat. I thought I was going to drown in my tears. I didn’t care if I did at this point, as long as the searing pain in my chest went away, I’d be fine. Nick had put my arms around his neck and swept his arm under my knees to carry me into the house. His shirt was officially drenched, but it was comforting.

I took his sleeve and wiped my face with it. “Hey,” he chuckled, “I’m wearing this shirt.” He sat me down on the couch and sat opposite me on the coffee table. He picked up his water bottle. “Here, take a sip.” When I shook my head he said, “Ally, I think you just cried all the water out of your body, I don’t want you to get dehydrated. Take a sip.” I nodded and took a few sips.

I looked up at him. He looked so concerned, when just a few moments ago, he was so angry. I felt horrible. “I lied to you. I’m sorry.” He just continued to stare at me. “I didn’t go to French Club. I went to Orlando, to see Jen.” If he had any feeling at all, he didn’t show it. “I don’t know why I did it. I just needed a few more answers. But,” I sniffled again. I felt like I was going to start crying again. “Her husband and kids showed up, and she didn’t tell them about me! She told them I was there for an interview for a job. And not even a cool job like a waitress or a hostess but a dishwasher! You know how I hate washing dishes. I was so stupid Dad!” I sniffled, “Why is she so ashamed of me?”

“Because she doesn’t know what she’s missing,” he said softly, running his hand through my hair. His touch calmed me down.

“Remember that time you took me to Disney?” He nodded, “remember where we ate dinner?” He had to think about it but nodded again. “She was there that night. She poked her head out the door and saw us. She saw me, you and Alex but didn’t say anything. Who does that? Why?” I started to get angry. “Why is my heart broken right now? She doesn’t deserve it. She doesn’t deserve my tears.” They started rolling off my chin again, “but I can’t help it. I’m sorry I’m crying over her.”

“Hey, Ally, listen to me,” he said firmly. “You never have to apologize to me for this okay? It doesn’t matter how little you know her, she’s your mother, and there will always be a connection to her. It’s too bad she can’t see how great of a person you are. She’s the one who lost out in this okay?” He took a deep breath, “and now you know. Okay?” I nodded. He was really good at comforting me, but this time it just wasn’t working.

“I’m going to go up to my room,” I walked up to my room and shut out the rest of the world. I started to cry again when my head hit the pillow. They were angry tears this time. I didn’t want to cry over her. She wasn’t worth it. She wasn’t worth my thoughts, feelings or tears.

I should’ve known that this was going to happen. All of the signs were there. Alex warned me, and so did Nick. If BJ had kept her nose out of it, then I would’ve been just fine. I would’ve gotten the last word instead of crying over her, because she stuck a knife through my heart.

Again.

Nick had known that Jen was like this. Maybe he didn’t know when she left him, but his heart had grown hard against her over the years. He avoided my stares, questions, and statements about her, and now I knew, it was for my own good. He wasn’t doing it because it hurt him, but because he knew it would hurt me. I was so stupid for not listening to him.

I opened my eyes to see Nick hovering over me with his laptop. I must’ve cried myself to sleep. He set the laptop down and I saw Alex’s face on Skype. “Alex,” I sighed, and as soon as Nick left us alone, I started to cry again.

“Baby, I hate to see you cry, especially over this.”

“I’m pissed that I’m crying over her. These are angry tears.”

“But they’re still tears, and your tears make me sad.” He frowned, “So smile, please. I love your smile.” I smiled for his benefit, “ah, there you go. Thanks honey.”

“Alex, she was so heartless. I was just another person to her. How could I be so stupid?”

“You didn’t know. How could you?” He was right. I couldn’t have known what a selfish person she was. But I had been warned. Alex had never lied to me.

“I wish you were here Alex, I could use one your hugs, they’re healing.”

He grinned, “imagine me wrapping my arms around you, loving you to pieces. I’m sending all my love vibes to you, are you tingling yet?” I laughed as I felt my arms start to tingle.

“I’m tingling! You really do love me.”

“Don’t you ever doubt that Ally. No matter what, I love you.”

I smiled sadly, “I love you too.” I did. I loved him so much; he was so good at making me feel better. “How are you doing? You hanging in there?”

He smiled, “As much as I can be. I’m tough, I’ll be okay.”

“Good, because when you’re sad, I’m sad too.”

“Thanks honey. I know you don’t have a phone right now, but if you ever want to call me, just tell your Dad and he’ll get me okay?”

I nodded, “Okay. Thanks. If you want to, tell Nina I said hello okay?”

He smiled sadly, “I will honey, she’ll like that.”

Alex always knew how to make me see the good in the situation. I had no idea how, because I was told that he was a serial cynic. He always expected the worst in people and in himself. But I refused to believe it because every time I had always come to him, he knew exactly what to say to make me see the good in any situation. When I was younger, I had shown up for tour sad and depressed because I wasn’t going to be spending my summer riding bikes and playing basketball like the other kids were going to. But Alex had surprised me with a bike, and when I confessed that I didn’t know how to ride it, had taken the time to teach me. The first time he let me go by myself, I panicked and fell off. While I was howling in pain at the blood seeping from my knee, he tended to it, and told me that I would do better next time, because I knew this time around not to worry about it. He was right. I got back up on my bike, confident as ever and rode around the parking lot for hours. Ever since then, he had been my go-to person whenever I needed to feel better.

I took Nick his laptop back and saw him standing in the kitchen with Aaron. “Thanks Dad.”

“You know Ally, this is like, the fourth time you’ve called me Dad in the last few days. Are you turning over a new leaf?”

“Don’t hold your breath,” I giggled, “You’ll always be Nick. I save the special moments for Dad. If I overuse it, you won’t cave every time I do use it.” He flicked my shoulder and I laughed. “I know I’m like, punished until I die, deservedly so, but,” I tried to give him my best puppy dog eyes, “I’m done crying and being sad over a situation I can’t control. Can I hang out with you two tonight?” Aaron laughed and grabbed my hand, pulling me in for a hug.

“We’re actually going to be in the studio tonight.”

I bit my lip, “can I come watch? I just don’t feel like being alone right now.”

Aaron wrapped his arm around my shoulders as we walked down to the studio. I knew that a night with my father and Uncle would do the trick; make me see the good that was hiding underneath all the bad.