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Chapter 21

I had gone downstairs to get a bottle of water, but heard Alex and Nick in the kitchen and decided that I didn’t want to interrupt their conversation. I felt bad for eavesdropping but I heard my name and sat up against the wall, waiting to hear more.

“So, is this like, for real? You’re really gonna go through with it?”

I could hear Alex sigh, “Yeah, there’s no going back. She told me that if I left, I wasn’t welcome back.”

“I’m sorry man, it must’ve hurt to do that.”

“Yeah, it killed me.”

“Then why did you?” That’s the answer I wanted to know. When Alex fell in love with something, he committed whole-heartedly. He was reckless like that. Not that his relationship with Nina was reckless at all. I remember when they had met. He had just come home from Rehab and she was at his side. I hated her at first because I thought she had taken my Alex away; that she was the reason he went into the hospital in the first place. But Alex had fell head over heels, and if she was good enough for him, then she was good enough for me. Not long after they met, they wed, and had the picture perfect marriage ever since. Well, up until now.

“We grew apart, our priorities changed. She wanted one thing, I wanted another.”

“It’s hard when that happens,” Nick sighed.

“Yeah.” They were both silent for a moment. “It’s hard to let a good love go. She was good.”

“Well, don’t write it off yet. You’ll never know if you don’t try.”

“No, it’s over.”

I could practically hear Nick frown. He hated when people didn’t give it their all. Especially me. He used to tell me that you can’t possibly succeed if you don’t try your hardest. Failure just meant that you didn’t try hard enough. I knew he thought that this divorce with Nina wasn’t them trying hard enough to fix things. “Is there someone else?”

Alex scoffed, “No. That would make it easier. She could leave me, hate me, never talk to me again. Then I could beg for forgiveness and try and try and try to win her back. Then I would eventually, and we’d go on our merry little way.”

“So then what aren’t you telling me?”

I didn’t think Alex would answer him. Ever since he went to Rehab, Alex had learned to talk about things, but he always held his guard up. Alex told me once that he didn’t like anyone, especially the people who loved him, to see him vulnerable, because it reminded him of when he was drinking. I had asked why he told me that then, and he said it was because if he got stripped of everything right then and there, I’d still smile at him like he carried the world on his shoulders. And I would. I could care less if he was a Backstreet Boy, a musician, or anything else that he wanted to be. He was my Alex, my Uncle.

“She crossed a line…”

“What line?”

“She wants kids. I’m at a place right now, where I don’t want them. I’ve never really wanted children, and she knew that going in. She agreed that she didn’t want them either.” I frowned; I didn’t know he didn’t want them. I assumed that he had, because he was so good with me. He always knew what to say to make me feel better; he’d be a great Dad.

“Please,” Nick chuckled. “Look at the way you are with Ally. You’d be a great father.”

There was a long pause and I looked up from the floor to see if they had noticed me there or not. But they hadn’t. I had an overwhelming urge to help Alex, and call Nina, begging her to make things right.

“I probably would be for a little while, you’re right. But there are things about myself that I’d hate to see in other people, and if I pass on any of those traits to them, I couldn’t live with myself.” I could hear the deep breath he took, “Alcoholism is hereditary. There’s no way in hell I am putting my child through that. Nina argued that if we instilled values upon them then that wouldn’t happen, but it happened with me. If I didn’t listen, what makes me think my own kid wouldn’t listen. I told her that I was fine with helping you raise Ally. Then she said I was focusing too much time on your goddamn kid and not enough time on trying to make our own.”

I froze.

I heard Nick growl, “she called Ally a ‘goddamn kid’?”

“Yeah,” Alex replied, “it’s why I walked out. I mean, it was the final straw. I was looking for a reason to leave, and that was it.” He left her because of me? “I was pissed that she said that about Ally but,” he paused, “Ally’s like my kid too. She can’t say shit like that.”

“Did she fucking apologize for calling my daughter that?”

Alex sighed, “Eventually. She said she meant that I just wasn’t focused on starting our own family. I wasn’t focused on her.”

“I’m sorry.” They both turned to face me, their eyes wide. I wiped the tears that fell down my cheeks. “I won’t talk to you anymore. Tell Nina I’m sorry.”

“Ally, no that’s not what-”

“You said that she’s upset that you’re worrying too much about my problems instead of focusing on her. If you stop talking to me, you can get back together with her. I promise I won’t bother you anymore.”

I went to leave. I just wanted all the bad things in my life to go away. One bad thing ends and another begins. I felt like betrayal was becoming a constant in my life. “Alexandra,” Alex snapped and spun me around. I frowned, he never talked to me like that. “Stop talking like that. Whether or not this was even an issue,” he gave me a pointed look, “which it’s not, this would’ve happened anyways.”

I looked over at Nick and he was staring out the window. He looked angry. “I’m gonna go back up to my room, I just wanted a water.” I bit my lip, “sorry Nick.”

He finally looked at me, “that’s fine Ally. I’m not mad at you.”

I apologized again and left the room before Alex could stop me again. I just wanted to find a hole to crawl into and hide until everything went away. I didn’t want to live in this bubble where the bad things popped out of dark corners in the middle of the night. They haunted me and when all I wanted to do was smile, I cried instead.

Nothing in Alex’s life was ever simple, I knew that much. His father had fled when he was young, and then fame hit faster than he could handle. It brought on drugs, alcohol and an endless supply of women and he lost himself in the midst of it all. But amongst all the rubble, he had found Nina. They had met in Rehab that much I knew. I didn’t know what she was in there for, but was told that it didn’t matter. Alex had found a way to heal himself in her.

I was afraid that now that Nina was going to be out of the picture, he would find a way to spiral back out of control. I don’t think my heart could take it. It was already starting to shatter, one more blow, especially where it concerned Alex, would nearly rip it to pieces for sure. “Ally,” Alex opened my door and sat down on my bed.

“I’m sorry.”

“Please, don’t apologize. This isn’t your fault, and it never will be okay?” I nodded but I wasn’t fully convinced.

“I just want everything to go away. Find a way to push out all the negative in life and focus on the positive.” I sniffled, “but the bad things are so big. There’s Brandon, Jen and now this. I just want it all to stop.”

“I know baby, I do too. But think about how much stronger you’re gonna be after this…” He looked over at me, “what’s this thing with Brandon?”

“Nothing,” I was not going to burden him with my problems anymore.

“Ally, listen to me. This thing with Nina and me has nothing do to with you. Nothing. She said that because she needed an excuse, and I’m sorry to say that it was you. But it’s not your fault and you need to stop thinking it is,” he sighed, “for me.” I groaned into my pillow.

“I’ll try.”

“Good. Now tell me about Brandon.”

I still didn’t want to, so spilling the least amount of details possible would be better. “He’s telling everyone that I slept with him.”

His face hardened, “did you?”

“No!” I bit my lip, “I mean, I was going to, but…”

“But nothing,” he said, “You shouldn’t sleep with someone until you’re in love with them. And I can tell you right now, you weren’t in love with the fucker.” I blushed.

“I know, that’s why I didn’t do it. Can we not talk about this anymore?” If I had my way, I’d never have to talk boys with Nick or Alex ever again. It was just so embarrassing, mainly because I was so inexperienced that it was obvious that I didn’t know what I was talking about. But I think they liked it that way, which was even more embarrassing. “Can you be honest with me?”

“You know I always will be Ally.”

“Are you going to be okay? Because I don’t want you to be hurt, but I’m not quite sure how to help you get better.” What I really wanted to ask him was if he was going to lose control like he had before, but I felt like that was crossing a line.

“God doesn’t give us obstacles we can’t overcome Ally.” That statement threw me for a loop. Alex had never been religious or spiritual so him channeling God was out of the norm.

“Who told you that?”

“Brian.”

“Yeah well, Brian seems to have the perfect life doesn’t he?”

“Yeah,” he chuckled, “I don’t like him right now.”

“Me either.” I laughed; it wasn’t true in the least, but Alex had laughed. “I know I’m young, and don’t have a lot of experience in anything to go on, but if you want to talk to me, you know I’ll listen and give you any advice that I can.”

He squeezed my hand, “that’s why I love you.”

It was time to push my own problems aside and focus on helping Alex get better.