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Chapter 24

People were starting to notice me at school. They stared at me as I walked down the halls with Chelsea. And I knew they were staring at me because I joked to Chelsea that she had all the eyes on her but she corrected me.

“They’re staring at you Ally. I told you…Brandon told everyone that you slept with him.”

If it had been any other time, I would have been embarrassed about the whole thing. But I couldn’t muster up the energy to care about Brandon and his pettiness right now. Nick was right, after this year, I’d never have to deal with any of them again. It was sad that they were paying attention to me because they thought I did something scandalous. That must be why Chelsea was so popular. Everyone in school knew she got around.

“I don’t want to go to French today,” Chelsea groaned as the lunch bell rang.

“I’m not going,” I finished my water and threw it away.

She looked surprised, “really? You’re skipping again? I’ll join you!”

“I’m not skipping, I have an appointment with Mrs. Palmer to talk about college.” Mrs. Palmer was our school’s guidance counselor. She was young, probably Nick’s age, and had a talent for knowing exactly what went on inside the mind of a teenager at Tampa Prep.

“You’ll have to let me know where you’re gonna go and I’ll apply there too.”

“What if I go somewhere that doesn’t have what you want to study?”

She laughed, “I have no idea what I want to study, but there is no way I am going to a college that you’re not at. Once those college boys get a look at you, they are not going to look away. And I want to be there to help them corrupt you.”

I rolled my eyes, “whatever. See you.” She waved goodbye and I stepped inside the guidance office. I had rarely been in here. I always thought it was for troubled kids and seniors, but Chelsea had practically lived here when she had found out what her father had been doing to her mother. “Hi Mrs. Palmer.”

She looked up from her paperwork and smiled. I hadn’t had much interaction with her in the past, but I knew I could trust Mrs. Palmer by the way she smiled. “Hi Ally, come sit, how are you today?”

“I’m okay, how are you?”

“I’m well thank you.” She turned to her computer and then grinned at me, “You’re valedictorian! Congratulations!”

I smiled half-heartedly. I hadn’t really let it sink in. Nick and I went out to celebrate in Rome, but I still had a whole year to keep it. “Thanks.”

“Have you thought about what school you wanted to go to?”

“I haven’t really thought about anything yet except what I want to study.”

“And what’s that?”

“French,” I smiled. I really did love it. Like Nick had music, I had French.

“That’s great. We’ll do some research and see what schools have a really good program. I know of a few off the top of my head. They’re out of state, I’m not sure if that’s what you’re looking for, but you can talk it over with you father, and if you need any help, you know where to find me.”

“Thanks Mrs.Palmer,” I smiled. She handed me some applications to the schools and then sat back in her seat.

“Are you okay Ally? You don’t seem like yourself.”

I didn’t answer her. I was trying to deal with my problems myself but that was because I always went to Nick or Alex, and I didn’t want either of them to help me. Nick would always give me honest advice, but this time, it dealt with the woman who had given him a fatal blow. And Alex…

After catching him almost taking a drink last night, I knew I couldn’t go to him for advice. He was having a hard time dealing with his own problems.

“I’m actually,” I bit my lip, “having a little bit of a hard time right now.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

I did want to talk about it actually. “…my mother left when I was six months old, and my dad and I came back from Europe this summer and she was at our home with my aunt. Then I met her in Orlando and her husband and kids come in the restaurant and she doesn’t tell them about me. I’m having a hard time letting go of her. I want to let go of her, because I’ve lived without her for so long, and I know I’m better off without her. But I don’t know how.” I wiped the tears that fell down my cheeks. “I’ve spent my whole life wondering who she is, what she’s like…and then I meet her and she’s a horrible person. She tells me that she left because she was selfish, that she didn’t want me, but how she found someone else not long after and had two kids with him. I don’t know what I did to make her think that I’m this horrible person. I’ve been trying to figure it out, because she’s obviously ashamed of me.”

I started to full on cry when she hugged me. It felt good to talk to someone who was on the outside about it.

“Any my Uncle is going through a divorce right now and he’s taking it really hard and I hate to see him sad and knowing I can’t do anything to cheer him up is killing me.” I took a deep breath and took the tissue she offered. “I just feel so lost right now. I don’t know how to deal with anything and no one can help.”

“It’s okay to feel that way Ally. I know feeling lost isn’t a good thing to feel, but I know you’ll find your way again. It sounds like you’ve got a great head on your shoulders and have a heart of gold. It looks like you want everyone to be happy. As for your mother…people change so you can learn to let go. The image you had of your mother was simply that – an image. She wasn’t a role model, she wasn’t someone you admired because she wasn’t around to be any of that. So instead of feeling lost because you found out that you’re mother isn’t what you wanted her to be, just be aware of what’s around you.”

I didn’t get it.

She smiled at me, “is there someone in your life that was like that? That was a role model, someone you admired? Who was there?” The look on my face must’ve given it away because she smiled knowingly at me. “Who was it?”

“My dad,” I whispered, reaching for another tissue. “He was great and I look up to him so much.”

“Then if you don’t mind me being honest…why is it so hard to let go?”

I couldn’t answer that.



I spent a good hour in the office with Mrs. Palmer, and we both decided that it would be better if I left early for the day. As I went to my locker to pack my things, she called Nick told him that I was coming home. When I did make it home, he smiled at me, and gave me a hug. And then he led me straight out to the boat.

“I’m grounded; you said I needed to be in my room if I wasn’t in school.”

He shrugged, “I want to talk to you, away from everyone.”

We didn’t go out very far, the shore was still visible when he stopped the boat. He dropped the anchor and met me at the front. “What’s going on?”

“Mrs. Palmer told me what you two talked about today.”

“About college? She gave me some applications, when we get back we can go over them together.”

He smiled, “I’d like that, but that’s not all she told me…”

I nodded. I had a feeling she had told him. “Yeah…”

“You’re not a horrible person because she’s ashamed of you. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“It doesn’t feel that way.”

“Well it’s true Ally. You’ve grown up into a beautiful young woman Ally, inside and out.”

“I just want everything to stop. I don’t want to feel helpless anyone. I can’t help Alex, I can’t help Chelsea and I can’t help me. I just want everything to magically be okay again.”

He put his hands on my shoulders, “Ally, everything is going to be okay. Alex is going to get better, Chelsea will fine as long as she has you, and you have me for anything you ever need.”

It didn’t stop me from feeling helpless.

“It’s awesome that you want to try and fix the world and everyone you love, but sadness is just a part of life and once we move on from the sadness, we’re stronger people.”

“Promise?”

He grinned, “Of course. I’m your dad, I’m all knowing.” I rolled my eyes but hugged him anyways.

Learning to let go was going to be hard, but I could do it. It was the first step in making everything right again.

“Now remember all of that okay?”

“I will.”

“Good,” he bit his lip and started the boat, “because BJ is back at the house.”

My face set in stone. Bring it on.