Chapter 32

Chelsea had come home sooner than expected and found me in my room. She plopped down on my bed and asked, “How was your night?”


I just shrugged. The night had gotten considerably better. Nick and Aaron had made a pact to go on every single ride and dragged me along with them. After causing a ruckus in the funhouse, we all got stopped by some girls. Some I recognized and some I didn’t. They wanted autographs and pictures. Nick and Aaron were gracious enough to oblige but I declined when some girls asked if I could join the pictures too. It was only after Nick grabbed my shirt sleeve and hugged me to him as one girl snapped a picture that I finally gave in. The girls that I did recognize thanked me and told me they’d see me in school on Monday. Aaron and Nick gave me a smug smile as they pulled me towards the photo booth. Aaron gloated that I’d probably be the most popular girl in school come Monday but I vehemently denied that because I knew it wasn’t true. And I think I gained some more enemies when Nick, Aaron and I spent a good half hour in the photo booth taking every kind of crazy picture imaginable. But they had made me laugh and forget about why I was sad that night.


I showed Chelsea the string of pictures and she burst into laughter, “these are awesome! Oh my God, I love your Dad,” she gushed. She pointed to a picture of Nick and Aaron on both sides of me, each kissing my cheek, “This is the great picture ever.”


I laughed, “Yeah it is pretty great.”


“This one too,” she laughed and showed me the picture of Nick and Aaron making goofy faces at the camera and me stuck in the middle, laughing hysterically.


“It was a good night,” I smiled.


“So you wanna hear about my night with Eric?”


Not particularly but I knew she’d tell me anyways. “You slept with him didn’t you,” It wasn’t a question because I knew it was probably true.


But Chelsea frowned, “you think I’m a slut don’t you.”


“You’re only a slut if you do it just to do it.”


She sighed, “Well, I didn’t sleep with him. I was going to but…I thought of your Dad and I stopped.”


I chuckled, “I would think the thought of my Dad would make you want to? Aren’t you in love with him?”


She rolled her eyes, “No, I’m not in love with him. I just want him to be my Dad. He’s perfect.” She sighed, “Besides, Nick’s right; high school boys are dumb. What else did you guys do tonight?” I grinned at her; I was proud. I was desperately hoping that she wouldn’t revert back to the old Chelsea.


“We went to Alessandra’s,” I started. “And Brandon and a couple of his friends were there.”


Her eyes widened, “are you serious? What’d you do?”


I scowled, “nothing, but Nick sent over a round of drinks on him and when they looked over at us Nick and Aaron waved at them. Then as they left, Brandon thanked them for the drinks and Aaron was like ‘any time kids.’” Chelsea gasped and I nodded. “I know, it was horrible.” I sighed, “Then we went to the fair at the pier and as we were coming out of the funhouse Ashley Reynolds and a couple of her friends asked Nick and Aaron for their autographs.”


Chelsea burst into laughter, “are you serious? What a bitch.” I shrugged, it didn’t matter anymore.


“Yeah, then as they were leaving, they said they’d see me in school on Monday.” I sighed, “So what did you and Eric do; besides not have sex?”


“He took me to a movie that sucked really bad.” She smirked, “I didn’t see much of it anyways.” Then she rolled her eyes, “then after that we went through the drive-thru at McDonalds and then drove to an empty parking lot. All I could think about was that weekend Nick took us down to Miami and insisted on stopping at McDonalds so he could get as much caffeine as he could because he couldn’t deal with us without it. After we ate, we started fooling around but then,” she made a face, “he burped and I told him to take me home. Showing gas on the first date is so not attractive.”


I laughed, “So I take it no second date either.”


She frowned again, “no. I’m staying away from boys for real this time. And make sure I do because you know my weakness.”


I smiled, “okay, I promise.” But Chelsea had never listened to me before, so I wasn’t sure why this time was going to be any different.


“I didn’t tell you, but I talked to my mom a few days ago,” she said softly. “She filed the divorce papers and because she’s pressing assault charges, there’s a court date in like, two weeks.” She frowned, “I know you knew this, but that’s why I went out with Eric. I don’t want this to be real. I want to be that happy, oblivious little girl who wanted to be a princess when she grew up. I don’t want to be this broken child who doesn’t know how to deal with blow after blow.” I nodded; I felt the same way. “Blah, I have to work tomorrow morning so I guess I should head to bed. After work though, we should hang out.”


I smiled, “Yeah, maybe I can convince Nick to let us take the boat out by ourselves.”


She laughed, “That’d be awesome, give him those puppy eyes, I know he can’t resist those.” I laughed as she walked out of the room. I had a feeling that he’d let me take the boat out anyways; anything to try and cheer me up. I curled up under my covers and closed my eyes, glad that the night had turned out better than I thought it was going to be.






Those two glasses of Coke that I had sucked down at Alessandra’s was taking a toll on me. I was trying to fight off a headache by sitting in the kitchen and chugging glass after glass of water. I didn’t want to get dehydrated. “Can’t sleep baby?”


I frowned in the dark at Nick, “no.”


“Those Cokes coming back to haunt you?” I nodded and reached for him. I suddenly felt like I needed a hug. “You sure you don’t want to tell me what’s bothering you?”


I sighed; I knew I was eventually going to spill my guts to him. “I’m not happy.” He ran his fingers through my hair to try and calm me down, but instead, it made me start to cry. “I just don’t really understand why everyone at school hates me. I didn’t do anything to them. And it used to not bother me…but it does now.” I sniffled, “it’s not like they say anything mean; they just ignore me, which is almost worse. I’m afraid when the magazine comes out; they’re all going to start saying things, because they’ll think that I’m some snotty daughter of a celebrity.”


“Ally, they’re not worth your time if they think that about you. You’re a gorgeous young adult who is smart, caring and selfless. You’re strong and independent and I don’t want you to feel like you need to be liked to be accepted, because you don’t.” I didn’t respond; just hugged him tighter and sniffled. He sighed and said, “Come with me.”


I followed him out the door and into his studio. “Are you going to sing to me?” I asked as I wiped my eyes.


“No,” he responded, “you’re going to sing with me.” I blushed and shook my head but before I could verbally protest he said, “When I was your age, I was singing professionally, but I was doing it mainly because it gave me an outlet to let everything out. I’ve tried so hard to give you stability because I never had it, and when I found singing, and found out that I was good at it, it gave me the confidence that I always lacked in myself. And I know you always say that singing is my thing, not yours, but it might be a stepping stone to another creative outlet that is bursting at your seams.”


“What if I’m horrible at it and everyone laughs?”


“I don’t think you should hold yourself back because you’re afraid of what people might think…” I knew he was right but I was afraid. “There’s this song that I want you to sing with me,” he said softly.


I highly doubt that I could keep up with Nick Carter when it came to singing.


“I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately, about how you must be feeling about everything that’s been happening,” his voice was soft and it brought tears to my eyes. “And I wrote a song about you, that I want you to sing on with me.” I just stared at him incredulously. He had never written a song about me before, but had always sang me songs. Paul Simon’s “Father and Daughter,” was my favorite but he loved singing Bob Carlisle’s, “Butterfly Kisses,” because it reminded him of times when he thought he wasn’t doing anything right, and when he’d tuck me into bed at night, I’d tell him I loved him and he’d rub my hair and think of what our lives would be like when I was all grown up. My emotions have been a complete rollercoaster lately, and I had a feeling that this song he had written me was about to make me fall off the ride completely. “I wrote you a song and it won’t be complete unless you sing it with me. And this could be the last time you ever sing a note, but hopefully it’ll make you realize that there are other ways to find your voice other than the obvious.”


I watched as he went into the booth and grabbed his guitar. He sat next to me on the couch and ran his hand over my hair.


Then he started to strum.


Well, it’s hard to live in front of the world.
There’s only so much that you can pretend.
Write down what it is you’re thinking,
Take each day as it comes.
You never know what’s hanging ‘round the bend.
And as far from the world as we get,
I can swear that the two of us will always be the same.
Figure out what it is you believe in,
And if you must choose, try not to trade your fortune in for fame.


And you’ll learn, learn, learn.
You’ll wait your turn, turn, turn.
And you’ll get sick on the way,
By the things that people say.
It’ll break your heart against the wind,
But you will just keep breathing in.


Well, if you’re scared to live in front of the world,
I’ve got news for you, you should be then.
When your confidence gets low and you’ve got nowhere to go,
Just remember how you felt about me and our friends.
And we’ll learn, learn, learn.
We’ll wait out turn, turn, turn.
And we’ll get sick on the way
By the things that people say.
It’ll break out hearts against the wind,
But we will just keep breathing in.


Watch the way you fall in love,
‘Cause if you’re smart, you’ll take it slow.
And don’t ask me about it, cause I don’t know,
‘cause I don’t know, know, know.
But I’m gonna learn, learn, learn.
I’ll take my turn, turn, turn.
If I get sick on the way,
By the things that people say.
It’ll break my heart against the wind,
But I will just keep breathing in.


As soon as he put the guitar on the coffee table, I wrapped my arms around him and cried my eyes out. “Hey don’t cry. I hate it when you do.”


I wiped my eyes and pulled away, “How-how did you know exactly what I was feeling?”


He chuckled and wiped a stray tear that made its way down my cheek, “because half of me runs through you baby. You’re not quite so oblique to me.”


“I don’t want to ruin the song,” I whispered. It was a piece of perfection and I didn’t want to touch it because I knew that I’d ruin it somehow.


He chuckled again, “the song won’t be complete without you on it. What do you say?”


I smiled up at him, “okay. I’ll do it.”


He smiled a smile that always used to assure me that I was doing something good. He picked up his guitar again and started to strum, teaching me the parts he wanted me to sing. It turns out I was just complimenting his parts instead of singing them solo, which I liked much better. And after he told me how beautiful I sounded, I started to rethink my no singing policy. Nick was right, it did make me feel good, and singing a song as beautiful as this made me feel even better. When he told me it was time to step into the booth I got nervous because I had never done this before. But Nick sat next to me the whole time, holding my hand and making me laugh. And after we recorded a rough cut he handed me the guitar and showed me how to play some chords. And when I started to recognize the tune to his favorite song, he grinned and laughed and told me that it was his dream to teach me how to play this song. So when I felt confident enough to play on my own, he hopped on the drums and told me that we were about to have our very first jam session. As I continued to strum the chords, he started to sing, and when the chorus hit, I joined him.


And I used my father’s music to heal myself.