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Chapter 41


I was swimming somewhere. I think. At least that’s what it felt like. There was water everywhere and even though it was agony to breathe, I could still do it.

But both my feet were on solid ground, so I wasn’t swimming, I was walking on something hard. Pavement. My steps were light and weightless. I could skip ten feet without gravity holding me down. But I couldn’t move my arms in this water.

They seemed to be held by invisible chains at my side, locked in fetters that couldn’t be moved. But it didn’t seem to bother me. Because I liked being surrounded by this much water. It was comforting.

The pavement was so dark that the water reflected the moon perfectly. Maybe I was flying in the sky, in the rain clouds.

I couldn’t be upset with this new revelation either. I’ve always wanted to fly.

I was moving to my own accord, like a nomad, with no home but wherever it felt like. Was this my new home? It felt like someone had their hand over my heart and was guiding me in the right direction.

But then Nick’s face suddenly clouded my vision and I realized at once that it was the wrong direction.

It was pulling me towards the darkness, and I didn’t like being in the dark all by myself. Nick’s irrational fear had rubbed off on me. I knew now that Nick was here somewhere but I had a feeling that this hand that was guiding me wasn’t leading me to him.

I had started screaming even though the pain that it caused my ribs screamed louder. I screamed at the hand, telling it to take me to Nick, to my refuge – he’d take the pain away – but the hand didn’t listen, and still pulled me towards the darkness. It had a plan. The longer it held my heart, the more my body seemed to become numb, like it wasn’t in my control anymore.

Even though the numbness was consuming, I wasn’t giving up without a fight. I refused to accept that I’d never see Nick again. Or Alex. Or Chelsea. I screamed again even though I knew it was futile. No one had listened yet, they wouldn’t start now. After one more frustrated attempt at screaming, my ribs had felt like they collapsed into my body.

The hand over my heart squeezed as hard as it could, stopping it from beating momentarily. The pressure was enough to paralyze me. Then I felt the hand contract and for just a few moments, my heart seemed to swell twice its size. The hand squeezed my heart again and my body reacted the same way it did before. It repeated twice more after that.

I was thankful the hand didn’t squeeze my heart for a fifth time. If it did, I was sure it would’ve permanently silenced it. I was able to focus for a moment, and realized the water that I had been surrounded with wasn’t water. It was too thick for that. It had tints of red and when it fell upon my lips, I realized it was my blood.

Suddenly the hand returned, only this time I felt it grasp my head, pulsing its fingers around my skull.

It was painful, but tolerable.

And every time its fingers made contact, I could hear voices. I couldn’t make out what they were saying and none of them sounded familiar, but they comforted me while I was swimming in pain. Maybe I wasn’t alone in this wet oblivion.

As soon as the thought left me, the hand suddenly released me and things turned worse. It felt like my body was caving in on itself, and panic set in. I started to hyperventilate which didn’t help the searing pain that ripped through my chest. The moon was gone and there wasn’t any light coming from anywhere. I was alone, surrounded by blood, panicked to the core.

“Nick?” I started to cry, “Dad?” But calling out to him was useless.

I was alone.

Something changed, like a shift in the wind that knocked me to my feet. I tried to hold my breath this time but it was nearly impossible. I called out for Nick again but the blood hindered my coherency. My tears mixed with it as it consumed my body.

I was going to die.

I wanted to give up. It felt so much easier to let the numbness consume my entire body because then I wouldn't be in pain. Because crying out didn't do any good anymore, I said my goodbyes to Chelsea and Alex, and especially Nick. And I closed my eyes and waited for it to just take me away.

But it didn't. Giving in seemed to make me strongeer, and then I opened my eyes. And I wasn’t surrounded by blood, water, or anything else. I was in a bright room, surrounded by machines. I only had use of one of my arms, and my chest burned, my ribs were in agony but I was coherent. I knew that I was in a hospital. The hand that I did have control over was heavy, something was weighing it down.

I twitched my fingers to see if I could move it, and not only did the weight lift off it, but a loud shuffle accompanied it. My eyes darted to the left. It was Alex. So I wasn’t alone.

“Ally,” his voice was rough, and there were fresh tears sliding down his face. “Oh god, Ally, you’re awake.”

“Alex,” I whispered back. The voice didn’t sound like mine. It was rough, and detached.

Alex was here. My eyes scanned the room. Nick wasn’t. “Dad?” I called to him like I did in oblivion, and like my oblivion, he didn’t answer. I couldn’t control my reactions, and tears pooled in my eyes. But my eyes were sore, and they stung.

“It’s okay Ally. He’s on his way. He caught the first flight he could.”

“What happened?” Did I want to know? Was I dreaming?

But he didn’t answer. He hit a button above my head and about three seconds later, a nurse walked in. “Oh Ally, you’re awake.” Her smile would’ve been contagious if I had the will to smile. But I was too confused for that. “I’m Abby. We’ve all been very worried about you.” She fiddled with a few machines and smiled, “You have a lot of bumps and bruises but you’ll be just fine. Can I get you anything?”

Tears stung my eyes again, “My Dad.”

“He’ll be here soon sweetie, I promise.” The sincerity in her voice and eyes was enough to comfort me. “Now, I want to ask you some questions,” she looked serious.

“No,” I whispered, “Not until my Dad is here. Please.”

“Ally, I just want to make sure, that now that you’re awake, that everything is fine.”

I tried to shake my head, but it was pounding, “No,” my voice broke, losing my conviction, “not until Nick is here. I just want him here.”

“Ally, I think you should listen to Abby.”

But I stood my ground, “No. Not until Nick is here.”

“Fine,” Abby frowned, “I won’t tell you why, just let me feel your head, okay?”

“Fine,” I whispered because suddenly my mind clouded over with the pain of it. My head was pounding, like there were a thousand hammers inside. The pain decreased when she placed her hand gently on top of my head. Just like in my oblivion. Her touch didn’t cause me more pain like I thought it would. Her hands were cold and comforting and they felt around with ease, placing light pressure at some points. When she took her hands off my head, the pain started again.

“And just let me see your chest, real quick okay? Like before, I won’t tell you why,” She pulled down the front of the hospital gown I had on and I could see that I had burn marks on my chest. She pressed down and instead of finding it comforting like I did before, I gasped in pain. “Does that hurt?”

“Yes,” I tried to control my tears. She poked around for a few more seconds but then withdrew her hands.

She threw a glance at Alex but nodded. “How is your throat?”

“It hurts,” I whispered. It felt like it was on fire.

“Let me get you some water, I’ll be right back.”

When she left, I turned to Alex, “Can I call Nick? Please?”

“He won’t answer Ally, he’s on a plane,” but he took his phone out anyways.

Nick’s phone when straight to voicemail and when it beeped, I started rambling. “Dad, it’s Ally. Where are you?” I started to cry. “I want you here. I need you. Please hurry-”

Alex took the phone out of my hands, “Nick, she’s awake. She’s in one piece. She won’t agree to anything until you get here.”

I felt like this time, I couldn’t control my emotions, and the tears poured out of me and the sobs racked my body. And it hurt each time a sob cut through me. I felt Alex grab my hand and whisper for me to calm down, and I tried, but it was hard. The pain was constant, and it made it hard to concentrate on controlling anything else.

“Alex, don’t leave me,” my voice was broken and I let in a painful, ragged breath when a sob broke through his voice.

“I won’t baby, you know I won’t,” he kissed my cheek and I buried my face into his shoulder briefly, seeking a kind of comfort I hadn’t found yet. I loved Alex, but he wasn’t Nick. And the kind of comfort I needed right now, wouldn’t find me until Nick got here.

Abby came back with a glass of water and she held it for me as I tried to sip it. But it hurt to swallow. “It still hurts,” I whispered, “it hurts to do anything. It hurts to think.”

“I know,” Abby’s kind eyes frowned down at me, “But you’ll get better. I promise.” I believed her. “Try and drink some more. Hopefully after a few sips, it won’t hurt anymore.”

And she was right. After a few sips, my throat didn’t hurt and I drank the rest of the water greedily. “Can I have some more?” I asked when I finished the glass.

She smiled, “Of course, I’ll be right back.”

I went to turn to Alex but something on the television had caught my eye. The volume was on low so I couldn’t hear anything, but I could see everything. And my picture was on the television. And so wasn’t Chelsea’s car. And it was totaled.

And under the picture of me and Chelsea’s totaled car was the words ‘fatal teen accident.’

I started to hyperventilate. I could dimly hear Alex’s voice, trying to calm me down. But he couldn’t help me.

Every single detail flooded back to me.

I knew what happened.

I went hysterical.