"Kev, I love you!"
"I would never do this for anyone else," Kev said.
We were at the beach. Kris and Busty Becky were sitting on the sand in teeny weeny bikinis looking amazing. Especially Becky. I was in love with Becky. If I had been alive, I would have married her today. Then we could have worked on the lots of babies parts. My bgigest death regret was going to be not being able to rock her world.
"Kev, I'm not sure about this," Kris called out. She sounded worried.
"Are you ready, Kevin?"
Kev exhaled. "As ready as I'm going to be."
With that, he climbed up onto the boat. I happily came along.
"This has always been a dream of mine," I said. Kev clamped his lips shut and nodded.
Forty-five minutes later, we were in the middle of the ocean. Our guide anchored the boat and went over to a lime green cage.
"They've been biting pretty well today," the guide joked. Kev paled. I giggled excitedly.
"Go ahead and get in your wetsuit."
Kev stripped down to his underwear. I air-floated around him in a circle. "Y'know, technically I've always wanted to swim with sharks naked."
Kev paused. "In your dreams."
"Did you say something?"
"NO!" Kev called.
Five minutes later, Kevin looked eerily like Squidward from Spongebob Squarepants. His feet slapped across the deck.
"Just a few ground rules to get you ready," the guide said. "First off, you don't need to be a scuba diver." He held up a mask and snorkel. "All you have to do is simply snorkel from the safety of our floating shark cage."
"The sharks can't get through the cage?" Kev asked.
"Are you afraid of sharks or something?" I asked. "Why are you not excited?!"
"I do horses, not sharks," Kev said aloud. The guide looked uneasy. I started to laugh.
"Dude, you made that sound like you rape horses."
"The sharks can't get through the cages," the guide said slowly. Kev affixed the mask and snorkel, no doubt to keep from talking again. "Getting in and out of the cage is a snap. It's as simple as standing up and stepping on and off the boat."
Kev nodded and gave a shaky thumbs up. The guide opened the cage. It rocked slightly as Kevin got in. He rubbed his hands on his legs, omitting a squeaking sound from the wetsuit. I hovered around him.
"Know what's even cooler about this?" I asked. Kev shrugged.
"I can breath underwater! I'm like...I'm like Sea Man!" I fell back laughing. "Get it Kevin? Sea man? Se--"
Kev shoved his hand through me just as the cage hit the water.
For once, I was glad I didn't feel a thing.
If it was possible to get the guide to drive us out to the ocean and lower an empty cage into the water, I would've asked for that. This was Nick's idea of something that had to be done before he died, not mine. I laid on my belly in the water, the snorkel funnel giving me air, and bobbed around, looking through the depths of hazy greenish- blue. Nick hovered beside me, looking oddly shimmery and pale in the water.
I clutched the snorkel in my teeth and listened to the Darth Vadar-like sound of my own breathing.
And then - then came the sharks.
They loomed out of the dark water like ghosts themselves. I stared at them, reminding myself that the wire cage around me was safe, that they couldn't get in, I was just looking at them. Their ghostly forms came right up to the metal, their eyes glowing through the murk, studying me the way I studied Kristin's stuffed pork chops. I looked at Nick.
"Hey Sharky, Sharky," he murmured, his voice warbling in the water like Pinnochio calling for Gepetto.
I clutched the snorkel tighter between my teeth and watched as Nick floated to the edge of the cage, struck out his arm, and touched the shark as it floated by. The shark shivered. "Wow, cool," Nick murmured, "He feels me." The shark eyeballed me, like I'd caused the offensive chill to run down his spine (do sharks have spines?) as Nick petted him again.
You're seriously pissing off the shark, I thought, trying to send a telepathic message to him.
"I wanna touch his teeth," Nick whispered.
I'm gonna be eaten by friggin' sharks because this one wants to feel it up, I thought. Are you gonna jerk it off, too? I aimed my ESP at his head.
Nick looked at me, "This is amazing, Kevin," he warbled sincerely. "Thank you."
And just like that I was glad we were underwater because otherwise Nick would've known I was crying. Again.
I watched, my heart clenching in my chest with agonized realization that Nick was here because he was dying, as he reached out his ice-cold, ghostly palm, and stroked the side of the shark's face. It snapped at the water, and Nick's fingers grazed his teeth before the mouth snapped shut around Nick's arm. Nick with drew his hand and smiled, "Dude, I totally got bit by a shark," he said. "I touched his teeth, Kev."
I nodded.
Nick hovered around me in circles, "I can't believe I touched a shark!" he crowed, the water making his voice sound like a yodel.
I nodded towards the boat, and struggled up out of the water.
One thing was for certain... I'd never forget the experience, either. When I got onto the deck, Nick wrapped his arms around me. The wet suit and the chill of the water made me less sensitive to his icy cold touch, and I didn't shrug him away for once. "Thank you, Kevin," Nick whispered.
I took the snorkel out of my mouth.
"I'm really sorry," the guide said as he started sorting out the equipment. "But the picture of you down there didn't come out so great."
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"The complimentary photo," Nick said like I should've known there was such a thing. "They take a picture with an underwater camera so you can see yourself with the sharks."
"Well," the old man continued, "I need to clean up the camera lens, I guess," he pointed at an iPad on a desk. I picked it up and stared at the picture. "There's something stuck to the lens it looks."
There I was, bobbling in the water, the pissed off shark with his mouth open wide and a big, ghostly white blur reaching into the mouth of the underwater beast.
I looked up at Nick.
"No," I said to the guide, "It's perfect. Can I have two prints of this please?"
"If ya pay extra," the guide answered, shrugging.
I smiled, "I'll pay whatever it takes."
Nick's eyes were watery as he stared down at the screen.
