Becky shot up from her perch, my lips once again left unkissed. Kev was rubbing his tailbone, his eyes watering from being smacked by the force of the door. I floated away from my body, stopping right in front of my mom.
"WHY?!" I screamed. "Why must every goddamn member of my family ruin my life?!"
"Nick," mom whimpered. She took Angel's place by my toes, stroking them gently. "Oh baby, I never wanted you to leave here before I did. This isn't fair. God isn't fair."
"What isn't fair is that I'm not getting my kiss!" I whined. I glanced up at the clock. I only had forty minutes left. I looked at Kev.
"We have to do something."
"Jane," Kev said. "Nick's brothers and sisters were just here. Did you--"
"I saw them," Jane said. "I can't believe that out of the whole bunch only Angel and Nick turned out well." Her shoulders slumped. "I failed."
Nick's eyes softened. "You didn't fail," he said quietly. "It's just as much dad's fault."
"You didn't fail," Kevin said. "You gave the world something...something..."
"Beautiful," Becky said. I walked over and pressed my cheek against her shoulder. She gasped.
"She thinks I'm beautiful," I said breathlessly.
"Who are you?" mom asked. Becky looked surprised to actually be addressed. Dad and everyone else had ignored her, except for her little tuff with Aaron.
"I'm--"
"Nick's girlfriend," Kevin finished. Becky nodded.
The moment mom heard the word girlfriend, she was all for knowing details. I backed up.
"You're the only guy I know that can snag a girlfriend without even being awake," Kev said out of the corner of his mouth. I smiled sadly.
"I had a lot of talent," I agreed mournfully.
"Have," Kevin amended.
"Not for much longer."
We both glanced at the clock. Thirty five minutes.
"I can't be here when...when it happens," Jane was saying to Becky. Becky had her arm on mom's shoulder, nodding sympathetically.
"I'll be here," Kevin said.
"I'm staying too," Becky whispered.
"Is Bob coming back?" Jane asked. She turned to Kevin. Kev shook his head.
"I really don't...I don't think so."
Jane's face hardened. "The bastard."
She moved past Becky then, to my bedside. She picked up my hand and stroked it.
"You'll always be my special baby," she whispered. "I know we've had bad times, but I'll always keep the good times in my heart. No one can ever take the quiet nights in New York when it was just you and me in the rocking chair. My beautiful, beautiful baby boy."
Large tears cascaded down her face. She leaned over and kissed me, her body racking with sobs. Kris and Becky began to weep. Kev seemed a little unsteady on his feet.
"I love you mom," I said. I hugged her. A chill swept through her, but somehow she seemed to pull herself together. She gave my hand one last squeeze.
"I'll be in touch," she assured Kevin. "Bob may have gotten his life, but I'm going to make sure he has a proper send-off."
"Thank you," Kev said gently. He pulled her in for a tight hug. I looked at the clock in desperation.
Twenty-five minutes.
Nick's mother left. I looked at the clock and my heart almost stopped. We had fifteen minutes. What if the kiss didn't work right away? What if it took warming up? Crap. I looked at Becky. "Kiss him, dammit," I muttered. I reached for the door and flicked the lock.
When I turned back around, Becky had wasted no time. Her mouth was on Nick's. Nick had reassumed his position laying within himself, and his eyes were closed, and their mouths were touching. She had her hands on his face.
It felt like Kristin and I were holding our breath.
Seconds ticked by like decades. I could do nothing but stare at the connection their mouths made and cling to Kris's hand, a prayer resonating deep, deep inside my chest. I didn't know how I would pull it together if this didn't work because this truly was Nick's last chance.
But when Becky pulled back a moment later, I felt my heart sink directly to my toes. Nick's eyes were still closed. I felt Kristin's fingers tighten around mine. Becky withdrew slowly, like everything was in slow motion. My throat closed up as she sat upright and stared at Nick's face. Mirage Nick's eyes opened... an eerie thing to see when they were so perfectly aligned with his actual eyes. He sat up slowly, ripping away from his body.
He looked down at himself.
"It didn't work," he whispered.
Becky looked at me.
"Its okay Nick..." I whispered. Somewhere deep inside me, a parental protection took over. The same way that I was able not to panic when Mason had a problem. It wasn't anything I could define or control. It was just... what I had to do. I reached out and, though it chilled me deeply, rested my hand as close to his as I could, hovering in what felt like cold air. He looked at me. "Nick, you remember what Brian always talks about? With Heaven and how wonderful it is, right?"
Nick's eyes filled with tears. "I wasn't ready yet for that though," he whispered.
"I know, but--" I inched closer, "It's- It's gonna happen and I just - think about how good you're gonna feel. This pain - this horrible pain your family causes you, it's - you aren't gonna feel it anymore, you know? You're gonna be happy."
Becky started sobbing and collapsed into Kris, who was only just holding it together.
Nick leaned back into his own body and I laid my hand on his cheek, "It's okay, you know? Because you're gonna be happy."
"I wanted to be happy here," he said.
"I wanted you to be happy here, too," I answered. I stroked his cheek with the back of my hand so softly. I reached for his body's hand and picked it up. A cursory glance at the clock told me we only had a couple minutes left.
The door opened and Colleen, the toadlike nurse, stepped in with a doctor in tow. Kristin covered her mouth as the doctor pulled on some rubber gloves at the door. I clutched Nick's hand. He gasped. "No, no they're early!" he cried, "Where's Brian? Kevin! I can't go without Brian saying goo-"
And Brian rushed in the door at that very moment.
"NICK!" he yelled. He ran to Nick's other side. He was tailed by AJ and Howie, who were both paler than I'd ever seen them. They hovered by the door, rather than come too close. AJ had admitted already he was scared to death of being up here...It was a miracle he'd come past the lobby at all.
"Fellas," Nick whispered.
Becky pressed her face into Kris's shoulder.
Nick looked at me.
The doctor came over. "Excuse me," he whispered in an apologetic tone. He reached up. All our eyes were on him. His hand hovered over the heart monitor machine's power button... and he turned it off. Then he turned to Nick's body and slowly lifted off the clear plastic tubes that were in his nose. They'd taken out the feeding tube earlier, and now, with the oxygen stuff off his face, he looked... he looked like he was taking a nap.
I felt like I was going to throw up.
"How long?" I whispered.
"Minutes, most likely... maybe a bit longer..." the doctor said apologetically . He backed away, "I'm sorry."
Colleen grabbed the IV stand and started yanking it away out the door.
We all stood there in the now intensely silent room... staring at one another...
"You were my best friend," Brian said, breaking the silence. "You always will be, even if you aren't here. I - I'll never -" his tears spilled over his eye lids and he gasped. "I'll never forget you." He covered his mouth.
"I'll never forget you, neither, BRok," Nick whispered.
Becky touched Nick's knee. "I wish I'd had more time to - to know you," she whispered.
"You're a hot babe," Nick said, "I wouldda married you and made you lotsa babies, you know that... Someone's gonna be soooo lucky to- to have-" he stopped. "Fuck and I can't even cry," he whimpered.
Becky was shaking.
"You were the cool one," AJ muttered. "The whole time. Everyone thought it was me with my shades but it was always you."
"I liked it when you pissed me off and I had to threaten to keel you," Howie confessed. "I always smiled about it later..."
"You were a wonderful man," Kristin said.
Nick looked at me. "I'm sorry I irritated you these past few days..." he whispered.
Mirage Nick was fading. He was half as opaque as he'd been. I felt my throat burning. Tears spilled out of my eyes, and I curled around myself, clutching Nick's hand to my chest. My shoulder curved in toward him. "Jesus, Nicky," I whispered.
"You were like a dad to me," Nick whispered.
I could feel his coldness touching my face as I held his real hand against it. "Nick," I hissed. "I know... I know I was mean to you..." He was fading sooo fast now. I knew I had to get the words out before he wouldn't hear them. "I know I said horrible things, and hurt your feelings, and that it seemed like I was mean to you, like I - I was hard on you. I know I blamed you for things, that I left the band, that... that I deserted you when you needed me most, but... but Nick, you - you've always been like a son to me, and I - I treated you the best I knew how to... I tried to - to show you how much you mean to me and - I'm - I'm not always real good at that. I swear to God Nick if you - if you just - just hold on... I'll... I'll be better. I'll --"
I looked up.
"I love you Kevin." His voice was barely a breath.
"I love you Nick," I whispered.
And just like that... he'd disappeared.
