Talk about a shocker. I just sat there for what seemed like eternity, not saying anything and not looking in his direction. What was that suppose to mean anyway? I know Elizabeth had her ideas of what it was suppose to mean, but really? My brain couldn’t fathom that he would actually be speaking in terms of a commitment. Because I couldn’t decide if I wanted to believe him or not, and believe that he was in fact talking about a commitment to me, I did the only thing I could do at a moment like this. I got sarcastic.

“I’m not sleeping with you, Nick. So you can cross hump buddies off the list of things you would like us to be.” What else was I suppose to say? People like him don’t go for girls like me. If they did, I would be married to Ryan Gosling right now with fourteen of his love babies. 

“Why do you do that?” Nick asked, beginning to sound even more annoyed with me than when he spoke to me about Brodie, if that were even possible.

“Why do I always do what? Say what everyone else is thinking? Do the most awesome handstand in the world? What Nick? Why do I always do what?” Now I was getting annoyed. 

“Why do you always think everything is a joke? I’m serious. I don’t want to be your friend, and no, I just don’t want to fuck you either. Why is that so hard to believe?”

“I don’t take everything as a joke. The only reason that I’m taking this situation as a joke is because it has to be a joke. That is the only reason a person like you would be saying this stuff to a person like me. I’ve seen the people you go for Nick, and I am certainly nothing like them.” I can start to feel tears build up in my eyes and now, instead of getting annoyed with Nick, I get annoyed at myself. I knew nothing good could come from whatever friendship this is that I started with Nick. Now all I need to do is cry in front of him and the humiliation would be complete.

“Why does it have to be a joke? I know you aren’t like the other girls I’ve hooked up with, that is why I don’t want that with you. I want something more than just to be your friend or fuck buddy.” With that being said, Nick put the car back in drive and began the longer than normal trip to my apartment. 

After awhile I couldn’t stand the weird tension that filled the car, and I had to fill it with something. It was like a dark cloud had descended on us, and even though I wasn’t sure what needed to be said to make it better, I just knew that I had to say something.

“Nick, I don’t know what to say. It’s just that, I’ve gotten so used to people either ignoring me or making fun of me the last couple of months, that it’s hard for me to take something like your saying to heart. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings or anything.” And I was being honest. While I wasn’t sure if Nick and I were meant to be, or even if we were going to be talking tomorrow after this disaster of a night, I knew that I didn’t want to hurt him. He had been my knight in shining armor for what felt like eternity, I couldn’t just forget that.

“It’s fine. If it makes you feel better I kinda decided the “I want more” thing tonight. Not that I hadn’t thought about it before, it was just seeing you with Brodie, it got to me.” I couldn’t help but feel slightly hurt that he hadn’t been having a hard time over his decision to be more than friends with me for longer. I guess the good thing was he was being honest, even if it did suck that he wasn’t agonizing for weeks over it. 

“You’ll always be my number one Nick, if that’s what you are worried about. You have been there for so much, and helped me so much. No one, not even skanky Brodie could take that away. We don’t need to be together for me to depend on you. You know what they call that, don’t you? They call that friendship. When one person leans on another, and vice versa. Without making out.” After I had said it, I knew that I didn’t mean it. I did want to make out with Nick. I just didn’t want to be thrust into the spotlight again after the whole Marcus fiasco. 

“I know, we’re cool, right?” Nick asked as he pulled up in front of my building. He sounded happier than he did five minutes ago, but there was still something there that I couldn’t place. Like he was deflated somehow, still confident, just not as sure of himself as before.

“Yea Nick, we’re cool.” And we were, we would get over whatever this weird night had done to us. If we didn’t, things would go back to before he picked up Elizabeth’s books that one day in class. 

Just as I was about to shut the car door I heard Nick mutter, “Just don’t hang out with Brodie anymore.”