Written by TheDistantHeart
Concerts: 1.3 – Standing in Line
Before I start on this part, I will give you one advice: save money for a VIP! Standing in line for a VIP is much better than standing in the normal line! But, as you read in 1.2, VIP also has its dark sides. That’s why we must stand and fight against the crazies! SANE FANS FTFW! SPREAD THE WORD!
Now let’s finally start, shall we?
1. DRESS NORMAL FOR FUCKS SAKE! There are skirts for sale where people don’t see your crotch. Just stay out of the porn store. These days, all Boys are taken. I’m sure they won’t take skanky groupies anymore. It’s not the Millennium era. You’re not a teen anymore (well, there are still teeny fans but let’s say I’m addressing this to all grown up fans.. even when you are a teen, you’re not supposed to dress like that!). They’re not teens anymore. WELCOME TO ADULTHOOD! Besides, if you want to make a good impression, you won’t achieve anything by wearing skanky skirts, ‘leather bras are so not done’ tops and heels with the height of the statue of liberty. Look around you. You’ll be the odd one out there. Besides, people will so be talking about you. You know damn well how mean girls can be. They love to gossip. And this time they are allowed to gossip. (Pssh, if you truly insist on wearing a skanky skirt, make sure you shave in all the right places! ‘Oh my God! Is that Donkey Kong?!’)
2. Is that a bus? OH MY GOD! I BET THE BACKSTREET BOYS ARE IN THERE! AHHH!!!!!
Seriously, stop making yourself look like a nutcase and don’t think every single bus might be filled with Backstreet Boys. Don’t go running like a maniac after it. Don’t scream your head off. Don’t. Just don’t. You also do that when you’re waiting for the bus?
*bus comes* *doors open* Driver: Good morning ma’am.
You: OH MY GOD! ARE THE BACKSTREET BOYS HERE?! ARE YOU A BACKSTREET BOY? I BET YOU’RE WEARING A MASK! *pulls at driver’s face* OH MY GOD AJ, I KNOW IT’S YOU!!!!
3. Don’t brag about all the things you would do to your favorite Boy. Because you will never get to do it. Sorry I crushed your dreams but that’s life. Life? You don’t know what life is? Maybe you should get one. It’ll make everything so much easier for us normal human beings. And no, a life is not available at the porn store.
4. Be happy or at least, pretend to be happy for the fan who just told you they met one of the Boys. Don’t scream like a chimp and pull the poor fan’s hair out. Don’t shred her to pieces. Don’t rip off her head, play volleyball with it with your other psycho buddies (honestly, I can see this happening) and don’t be a jealous stinker. Your time will come. If you follow this handbook, your meeting with them will be more pleasant. Trust me.
5. Just like a bus is a bus, a car is a car. It doesn’t necessarily have the Boys in it. So don’t flash the car. You could flash a perv for all you know. You’re a perv too, by the way, so maybe you finally found your match!
6. This will make me rip your head off and play volleyball with it: offering sex to the guards at the door so you can get in first or get backstage. YOU WHORE! You know, I know this spot in Amsterdam where they would love girls like you. Want me to book a flight for you? You’ll be more than welcome! By the way, I’m not sure if it would work. Those guards aren’t stupid if you think so. I’m sure they would love to keep their job. (And we DON’T want our Boys get killed!)
7. Don’t strip naked to attract attention. The Boys are inside the building. If there are windows and they can look through it, they won’t stare at the damn crowd all the time. Besides, you will embarrass yourself BIG TIME. And if the Boys would be looking at you shaking your boobs, it won’t leave a great impression either. Sure, they wouldn’t mind seeing a pair of boobies (Brian: Oh lordy, censor! *shields eyes* - Okay, well, maybe not Brian because he’s ‘happily married’. *whispers* wuss) but they wouldn’t grab you out the crowd and hump you like no tomorrow. Nope. Because, not only Brian is happily married, Howie is too. AJ will be soon (that’s what we all will hope for, at least. Yes I said, ALL) and Nick… uh… he’s happily taken (YES HAPPILY! We’ll get to the girlfriend and wives later on). You can go and say ‘well Nick and AJ haven’t been all too faithful in the past’. Like you said, in the PAST. Us sane fans are just hoping these girls are ‘the one’ for them. Because we actually don’t keep ourselves preoccupied with the lives of their girls. I’m getting off track, we’ll get to that chapter later on.
Standing in line should be a lot easier from now on! You have more ideas for this? Or any experiences? Does some of these things sound familiar? Don’t hesitate and leave us a review! ;)