Chapter 12

AJ took a sip of his Coffee as he sat with Kevin at the dinning room table.  Anne and Chelsea were at the counter doing the last of the dinner dishes.  When Chelsea put away the last pan, she folded up the towel, hung it up, and headed up the backstairs. 

“I’m going to go watch the news.” Anne said as she smiled lightly at the boys and went into the living room.  As AJ took another sip of his coffee he looked over at Kevin who was staring into his cup.

“What’s up man?” AJ asked as he put his cup down.

“Just worried about her.” Kevin said not moving his eyes.  “I don’t know what to do for her, I know she’s been through a lot so I want to give her, her space but I’m just so glad she’s here I don’t wanna let her outta my sight.”

“I know.” AJ said with a light sigh.

“What do you mean?” Kevin asked.

“I wanna be there for her I do Kev but..” He stopped.

“But?” Kevin said waiting for him to finish.

“I’m really busy and when the guys start touring again I can’t just drop everything and fly out here.” AJ said sadly.  “and I hate myself for having to do it, because last week I would of given anything for this and I feel like I’m not thankful for it or that I don’t care.”  AJ put down his cup and ran his fingers through his hair.  “I do care, I care a lot about her, I dunno I keep going around in circles.”

“Here” Kevin said taking his keys out of his jean pocket.  “Take my car go for a drive with her, she’s talking to you the most anyways, maybe you both can help each other figure shit out.”

AJ drank down the last of his coffee and took the keys from Kevin.  He then jogged up the back stairs and headed to Chelsea’s room.  When he approached it, he lightly knocked and waited for a reply.

“It’s open.” He heard her say on the other side.  Opening the door AJ poked his head into the room and saw her sitting on her bed looking at the stuff in the box.

“Hey” He said as she looked up at him.

“What’s up?” She asked.

“Dad loaned me the car wanna go for a drive.” He said with a goofy preppy smile wiggling the keys.

“No thanks.” She said shaking her head.

“Chels.” AJ frowned as he tilted his head a little, she sighed looking at him, and he stuck out his bottom lip.

“Where are we going?” She asked as she closed the box and got up from her bed.

“I dunno” AJ said as he stepped into the hallway and she closed the door.

They walked down the stairs into the living room and saw Kevin and Anne sitting on the couch watching the local news.  Chelsea walked over to the closet and grabbed both their jackets.

“We’re heading out now.” AJ said to Kevin.

“Ok.” Kevin said with a light smile.  “Someone will be up.”

“Ok.” AJ said throwing his jacket on.  “See ya later.”

“Bye” Chelsea said as she put on her jacket.

They both headed out of the door and walked to Kevin’s car.  When they were both safely in the car, AJ started the engine and backed out of the driveway.  He drove down the dirt road, the car lights shining off the stones on the road, it was dark but the sky wasn’t black yet, it was more of a dark blue as the last piece of sun slipped away.

They stopped at an intersection and AJ looked over at her.  She was sitting in the passenger seat, her hands between her knees as she looked up at the trees.  It sent a weird feeling through him, he didn’t know what it was, but he just thought it was strange sitting there in a car with her beside him.

“Alex?” Chelsea said looking at him.

“Huh?” AJ said and then looked back to the road. “Oh.” He lightly gasped as he realized the car was just sitting there.

“Where did you go?” She asked with a light laugh.

“It just kind of hit me funny, us in a car together, we always use too bitch about how we couldn’t go any where.”  He said with a light smile.

“Always having to come up with lame excuses on where we were going.”

“PeeWee’s Big Adventure at the cheap theatre.” AJ said as he looked at her quickly.

“Out off all the movies that one was the only flick you could think off.” Chelsea said laughing.

“He caught me off guard, I told you that before.” AJ said as he turned down another dirt road.  “We both thought he had already left with Howie.”

“Have you decided where we’re going yet?” Chelsea asked.

“Wanna drive through the cemetery see if they’re gone, we can sneak up there?” He asked as he looked over at her and then back to the road ahead of them.

“Yeah” She said nodding lightly.

“Ok” AJ said with a light smile as he looked at her quickly again.

Hoping his memory served him well; he followed the road until he reached the next intersection and turned left.  The car was pretty quiet as they headed down the road, only a few houses lined the street, the lights shining brightly on the road below.  When he turned into the graveyard he was glad to see the gates were open and he pulled right in.  He drove the car to the north east corner of the cemetery and parked by the hill.  All the cars that were there before and all the people with it were gone.

“Looks clear.” AJ said looking out the front window.  “Let’s go.” They both unbuckled their seat belts and got out of the car, closing the car doors quietly. 

“Any time you want to go,  just let me know, we can always come back.” He told her as they walked up the hill.

When they got to the top they saw a big pile of dirt lying by one of the plots.  He looked down quickly when he felt something touch his hand; it was Chelsea, slipping her fingers through his.

“Was she put beside mine?” She asked as they walked respectfully between the gravesites.

“Yeah” AJ said as they got closer to the pile of dirt.  “Here” AJ said as he stopped in front of a grey marble tombstone.

Chelsea didn’t say anything as she let go of his hand and walked over to the large stone at the head of the grave.  She knelt down beside it and ran her fingers over the name carved into it. 

“Back home with her baby girl.” She read the inscription and a second later she started crying.  AJ knelt down beside her and put his hand on her back.

“How?” Chelsea asked as she tried to calm herself.

“How what?” AJ asked her.

“How did she get sick?” Chelsea asked.  AJ looked at her, he didn’t know what to say, how to say it.  Sitting down on the grass he took her hands and got her to sit down too.

“I’m going to tell you something because I think you need to know now instead of finding out later.”  He said she wiped her eyes.  “Your Mom didn’t get sick, Kevin told you that because he didn’t want you to know the real reason, not yet anyways.”

“Which was?” Chelsea asked.

“She wasn’t the same after you disappeared.  She blamed herself for not being on time, for being late on picking you up.”  AJ told her.  “I think she just got tired of the guilt and just missed you too much.”

“You mean she killed herself?” Chelsea said stunned.  “Because of me?” She started crying again and AJ pulled her into his arms.

“Not because of you Chels, if anything it was because of your dad and him taking you away from her, she thought you were dead, she thought it was her fault.”  He told her as she held on to him tightly.  They both sat there, Chelsea’s head resting on AJ’s shoulder.  He wasn’t sure how long he sat there holding her but eventually she stopped crying.

“I want to go.” She said still holding him.

“Alright” AJ replied as he took her by the arms and pulled her away.  They stood up and headed down the hill, AJ walked over to the passenger side with her and opened her door, then went over to the driver’s side.  He got in, buckled up and started the car.

“I don’t want to go back to Anne’s.” Chelsea said as they pulled up to the cemetery gates.

“Where did you want to go?”  He asked as he stopped at the end of the driveway.

“I dunno just not there.” She said as she scratched the back of her head and looked out her window.

“Ok” AJ nodded as he pulled the car out and headed back into the city.  AJ was concentrating on the signs, finding his way back into the town when Chelsea broke the silence.

“Do you still love me?” She asked as she looked at him.

Out of reaction and extreme shock to the question AJ slammed on the breaks and they both jerked forward.  AJ sat there his hands on the stirring wheel looking straight ahead.  He then slowly turned his head and looked at her, the words not coming to his lips.

“I’ll take that as a no?” She said as she frowned a little.  “I mean not like I expected you too or anything, it’s been 13 years, we were 16 probably wasn’t even real love.”

“How can you say that?” AJ said as his eyebrows frowned a little.  “What we felt for each other, what we had, I have no doubt it was real, and the heart ache and pain I went through when your dad took you was very real.” AJ said as he slammed the car into park.  “The nights I cried my ass to sleep, thinking about what you went through, drinking my self into a stooper in hopes I’d see you and would get too say goodbye.” She looked at him stunned; his tone was getting angry with her.

“Ok, sorry.” Chelsea said as she sat back in the seat.  AJ looked out the front window and stared at the road.

“What made you ask that question anyways?” He asked as he looked back to her.  Chelsea looked at him and then looked back out the front window.

“You’re all I have left.”  She said quietly.  “I know I have Kevin, Anne and the rest of the family but it’s not the same.”  Thinking about her words she spoke again.  “When I was with my dad as much as I fantasized about someone finding me and coming back to you, I knew it wasn’t going to happened, that you would have moved on with your life, but I always thought I would have Mom to help me get over it. Now I don’t, and I don’t know what to do.”

“Kevin and the boys want me to go to all these doctors; they want me to talk about what happened.  But I don’t see the point, I lived in a room chained to the floor, I don’t want to talk about it, I don’t want to go back there, I want to move forward, I want my life back.”  She wiped her eyes on the sleeve of her sweater.  “I want you back.”

AJ sat there a little stunned he didn’t see this conversation coming, at least not for a while yet and he sure as hell didn’t expect her to be so truthful.  But then again she was always like that with him.

“Let’s get out of the middle of the road and we’ll find some place private to talk.” AJ said as his hand slid across her shoulder.  She lightly nodded and he returned his attention to the road, putting the car into drive and heading into the city.