Chapter 15

March 25th 2008

            Well I am back in Kentucky now, flew back with Kevin, Kris, the baby and Chelsea this morning, and we’re going to see her doctor after lunch.  There are no plans for lunch so I was thinking of maybe taking her out before, give her time to relax.  I talked to Ma yesterday too; and she saw Chelsea, Kevin didn’t want to be seen so I told Chels I would pick her up and take her to the concert. 

AJ looked up when there was a knock at the door and set the journal down on the bed.  He walked over to the door and opened it and smiled when he saw Chelsea on the other side.

“What’s up?” He asked as he stepped back and let her walk in.

“Just got done unpacking.” She said as she stepped into the room.  “And I wanted to talk to you.”

“Mm that’s never good.” AJ said jokingly.  Chelsea lightly smiled at him as he sat down near the top of the bed and motioned for her to sit across from him.  “Are you ok?”

“Yeah.” She nodded.  “I just wanted to make sure this was something you wanted to do, I know you’re really busy Alex, and I don’t want to interfere with anything.”

“You’re not, don’t worry Kevin and I will work something out, if it wasn’t for the attention it would bring on you, I would cancel everything and just stay here for as long as you needed me but the last thing you need is people hearing we cancelled, asking why, finding out why, and then your dad seeing you on the six o clock news.”  She lightly smiled as they sat there quietly for a moment.

“I’m going to make something to eat before we go, did you want anything?” She asked.

“Actually, did you want to go out and grab something in town?” AJ said as she stood up.

“Sure, I’ll go get Kevin.” She said as she headed to the door.

“Uh wait.” He said quickly, stopping her at the door.  She turned around and looked at him confused.  “I was thinking just the two of us.”

“Oh, ok.” She replied with a light nod.  “I’ll go grab my sweater and let Kev know.”

“Ok.” He nodded as she walked out of the room.  

Standing there by the door he thought about what it meant to walk through the door way to the other side.  His mind was a jumble before this, not knowing what to do, which direction to go in.  Now he knew, he followed her.  He didn’t know what was going to happen in a month, two months, or six months but he knew one thing he wanted to be there to find out.  Too see who she becomes and maybe be a part of it.  Grabbing his hoody from the back of the door he walked out of the room and closed the door behind him.

“So we’ll meet you at the University?” Kevin asked him as AJ jogged down the stairs.

“Yeah.” He nodded as he doubled checked for his car rental keys.

“Do you know where it is?” Kevin asked.

“Dude, its Kentucky University, I think I can read signs.” AJ said rolling his eyes.  He walked over to Chelsea as she stood at the side door.  “I got my cell if you need us.” AJ said as the two walked out the door.

“Alright.” Kevin hollered as AJ closed the door behind him.

AJ pulled the car out of the driveway and headed down the long country road. He liked it out here; it was quiet, calming, relaxing, and pretty easy going.  But he couldn’t live here; it was too quiet for that. 

“Do you still have Tobi?” She asked breaking the silence in the car.

“Tobi Won?” AJ asked and a light smile came over his face thinking about his dog.  “No, she passed a few years back.”

“Oh.” Chelsea frowned. “Everything is so different. I mean I knew things were changing.  When we would have to leave a place, I would see glimpses of things; he would show up with things I’d never seen before, like when he got that phone with the camera, cell phones were not that small.”

“There are people who didn’t go through what you went through and still can’t catch up to the new things going on so don’t feel too bad.” Aj said with a light smile.  “Look at Kris that poor woman couldn’t turn on a computer to save her life.”  Chelsea started laughing.  “Even you know how to do that.” Aj laughed. 

“You know who I think has changed the most?” She asked.

“Who?” Aj wondered as he quickly looked at her.

“You.” She replied.

“Really”

“Yeah, but it’s good, I mean before you were always shy and quiet, even with me it would always take you a bit start talking and open up.” She told him.  “But now especially when you’re on stage, I see a whole new side.”

“And what do you think of this new side.” He said as they stopped at a light and he looked over at her.

“I like this new side and I want to get to know it more.” She told him. AJ lightly smiled as he felt his face get hot and he had no doubt it was now red.

“Well Brian has too.” She replied quickly.

“Yeah” AJ said with a light sigh.  “You know about the heart condition right?”

“You mean the hole he had in his heart when he born?” she asked

“Yeah.” AJ nodded.  “Well because of how we perform on stage, the hole got bigger, and he needed surgery.”

“Wow.” She gasped a little

“When he found out about it he told us and the thing he doesn’t get is, it really didn’t hit us how bad it was.  We were having problems with Johnny and Donna, we were getting ready to sue Lou, we were on tour and at that time we felt like we couldn’t stop, don’t stop the train or you won’t get it moving again, ya know?.”

“So he didn’t have the surgery?”

“No he did, he got yelled at by his folks and doctor and they were going to pull him from the group all together. So we let him go have his surgery and we kept going.” AJ told her.

“Oh.” She said nodding.  “He didn’t like that?”

“oh no and he was pissed no one came to see him, Kevin did the day after the surgery before he went out to Monte Carlo but Brian just yelled at him and kicked him out.” AJ said remembering.

“Even well after the surgery, when I went to rehab, he got pissy again, because the guys did stop the train this time and let me get off, and they waited for me to get back on.”  AJ said. “Well it more slowly rolled down the tracks.” 

“I see” Chelsea said with a light nod.  “But there’s a huge difference, his surgery was while you were with Donna and Johnny, you went into rehab well after you left them.  I remember what they were like; they controlled you, just like they did with New Kids and all the crap Kevin and Kristin went through. Even if you did wanna stop the train, who’s to say they would have let you.”

“Yeah, that’s how we see it too, well Kevin and I anyways.” AJ nodded.  “But it hurt Rok a lot, not that I can blame him.  I dunno, I wish I could have been there, but I was going through some bad shit at that time too, and my drinking was picking up, last place I wanted to be was at a hospital.”

“I can understand that.” She nodded.

“Well glad you do.” AJ replied.

“I can’t wait to meet Baylee.” She said with a light smile.

“He’s a great kid, everyone says he’s like his dad was at that age.” AJ told her as he stopped at a light.

“Awww.” She said as she looked out the window.  “It’s still open?” He heard her say.

“What?” He asked not sure what she was talking about.

“Ed’s, it’s still open?” She asked as she looked at him.  He quickly looked out her window and saw the large sign for the restaurant her mom use to work at.

“I guess.” AJ said as he looked at her.  “Did you want to there?”

“No” She said as she shook her head.  “It’s probably changed too; don’t think I want it too yet.”

“Ok.” He nodded with a light smile.  The car in front of him moving caught his attention and he looked forward and saw the light had gone green.  He drove down the main strip a little further and then pulled into an old fashion looking diner. 

“Kevin said this place was new and it’s good.” AJ said as he parked the car.  They got out and walked to the door; he opened it and held it for her letting her walk in a head of him.  They were seated right away and ordered soda’s as they looked over their menu.  The waitress came back with their drinks and they both ordered.

“So” AJ said as he looked at Chelsea.  “How do you like this Dr. Adenhall?”

“He’s ok.” Chelsea said with a nod.  “He actually takes into consideration about how I feel for things before he decides what to do.”

“The others didn’t?” AJ asked.

“No, not Doctor Coupe.” Chelsea said shaking her head.  “She wanted me to go to some medical place in Chicago for a couple of weeks, I just wanted to get back to Kentucky and it’s not just her, Kevin, Tim, Jerald, even Anne, they listen to the doctors before me.”

“They just want you to get better, they’re not sure what to do, and figure a doctor would know.” AJ explained to her.

“Don’t I know what I want or need?”

“Of course you do hun but look at what you went through, feelings, wants, needs, get clouded because of things in the way, things only people on the outside can get pass to see.” He said.  “Look at me eight years ago all I wanted was Booze and Woman; I thought I was ok.” 

“I can’t picture you doing the whole pick up thing”

“What?” AJ gasped in shock. 

“Mr. hands get cold and clammy and I stuttered when I talk to a girl?” She said with a light laugh.

“Uh, I was sixteen.” AJ said rolling his eyes a little as she laughed a little harder.  “Besides, the booze helped.”

“And now?” She asked him, he looked at her for a minute.

“Mr. hands get cold and clammy but I don’t stutter anymore.” He frowned a little.  Chelsea started laughing again as the waitress came over with their food.

The two sat at their table eating and talking, well mostly AJ talked and Chelsea listened.  He told her about the fun times he had with Kevin before his drinking got out of control, about how he has had bad luck when ever he goes to Canada and about how close he is too his fans.

“You didn’t really say that on air did you?” She asked.

“Yeah.” He replied with a light giggle.  “Man she was pissed when she heard the fans talking about it.”

“I would be too.” Chelsea said.

“I can’t help it; they’ve really been there for me.” He shrugged.

“Ok I get that but they don’t need to know about your sex life.” She said as she picked up a fry.

“Hey Brian’s just as bad as me.” AJ said defensively.  “He went off on a day dream a couple of months ago during an interview about Leigh’s boobs and how much he likes them, so it’s not just me.”  Chelsea started laughing almost choking on her French fry.  AJ started laughing a little as he grabbed his soda. 

The two continued to talk as they finished up their meal and they even bickered a little bit about who was going to pay.  Chelsea wanted too cause she felt bad enough having to get money from Anne and Kevin to do anything.  AJ wanted to cause he, well, wanted too.  When the bill was taken care of they left the restaurant and headed to the University.  As they arrived at the University they saw Anne and Kevin in the parking lot, AJ parked the car and then him and Chelsea made their way to them.

“Have a good lunch?” Kevin asked as they approached him and his mom.

“Yep.” Chelsea said as Kevin reached for the door.

“Where did you go?” Anne asked as they walked into the hospital.

“That new diner.” AJ said.  “The one on East Main.”

“Nice.” Kevin nodded as they walked down the hall. 

AJ hated the way Hospitals smelt and they always smelt the same no matter which one you went too.  He hated walking down the halls wondering who was losing someone they loved, passing rooms wondering who was sick, or who’s last day would be today and for some reason that was easier to remember than the new life that began everyday on some floor in every hospital.  They stopped at the elevators with a couple of other people and waited for one to become available. 

“Oh Brian called.” Kevin said as he looked back at AJ and Chelsea.

            “What’s up with him?” AJ asked.

            “Him, Leigh and Baylee are coming out tomorrow afternoon.” He told them.

            “Sweet” AJ nodded as the elevator dinged to inform them it had arrived.  Everyone walked on and Kevin pushed the fifth floor button and waited for the doors to close.  The other people that had entered with them pushed the second floor.  The lift moved quickly and AJ felt his stomach flutter as it stopped.  When the others had left the doors closed.

            “Does that freak you out?” Chelsea asked as she looked at AJ and Kevin,

“What?” They both asked confused.

“When you’re around people, you don’t ever wonder if that girl just pee’d her pants because she was on an elevator with 2 out of the 5 Backstreet Boys.” She asked.

“That’s 1 out of 4.” AJ snipped.

“Dude.” Kevin said shooting him a look.  “And to answer your question, no, our fans would pee their pants and let us know they did so.” 

“Not all of them.” Chelsea said rolling her eyes.

“So much to learn.” AJ said with a sigh.

“You guys really think all your fans would spazz out if they saw you?”

“Well no, not all but those people didn’t look like our fan base.” Kevin said as the elevator stopped.

“One could have been.” AJ said as they stepped off.  “She looked like a Howie fan.”

“And what does a Howie fan look like?” She asked puzzled.

“Old.” AJ said and Kevin started laughing, AJ joined in with him and the two girls realized they were missing the joke.

“So who has the most extreme fans?” Chelsea asked.

“Nick.” Both guys answered at the same time.

“But Howie does come a close second.” Kevin added.  “Member the chick in the prom dress or bridesmaids dress whatever it was?”

“Yeah” AJ laughed.

“Or the one that showed up to a benefit saying she slept with him the night before and made a huge scene.” Kevin remembered and AJ stopped breathing.  “Or was that one of yours?”

“I don’t know.” AJ said quickly.

“One of yours.” Kevin said when he saw AJ’s reaction.

“And did you?” Chelsea asked.

“NO!” AJ said quickly and very defensively.

“Then why do you always answer NO! When you’re asked?” Kevin asked him.

“Cause he doesn’t remember.” Chelsea said and AJ looked at her quickly.  “You might have been drunk and you don’t remember.”

Kevin started laughing. “She busted you. Ouch dude.”

“No, no that’s not it, I’m just pissed you guys think I would sleep with..” He then remembered Anne standing in front of him.  “Nevermind” AJ said shaking his head.  “Is this it?” He asked as he pointed to the door they stood in front of.

“Yeah.” Kevin said with a smile as he reached for the door knob.  Everyone walked into the office.  AJ saw the smirk on Chelsea’s face, even now she knew what to say to bug him.

“Hello” The receptionist said as she looked up and saw them walk in.  “You can go right in.” She smiled.  AJ followed Kevin, Anne and Chelsea into the doctor’s office.

“Good afternoon everyone.” A man behind a large wooden desk said.  He was balding around the top of his head, his hair wasn’t grey, and there was no grey in his beard either.  It was shaved close to his face, and AJ thought all he was missing was the glasses and you had a text book doc.  “How are we today Chelsea?”

“Ok.” She said as she sat down in one of the chairs by the desk.

“How are you sleeping?” He asked.

“Same.” She said with a light shrug.

“Are the pills working?”

“No” She replied. AJ noticed he didn’t say anything as he wrote on a note pad.

“So” He said as he looked up and right at AJ.  “You must be Alex?” He said as he stood up.

“Yes” AJ said with a nod.  The doctor shook his hand and then sat down on the corner of his desk.

“Nice to meet you.” He said with a light nod as AJ lightly smiled back at him.  “So I’m going to ask that Chelsea, Kevin and Anne step outside for a moment, I need to talk to Alex in private before we get going.”

“Sure.” Kevin said as him and Anne stood up.  “We’ll be outside.”  AJ looked up at Chelsea and she lightly smiled at him, and he smiled back at her.  The Doctor closed the door behind them and AJ felt himself get a little nervous.

“Alright Alex first I should inform you that Chelsea has given me full permission to discuss her case with you.” The doctor told him. 

“Ok.” AJ nodded.

“I would like the two of you to talk face to face as well but first I wanted to go over some things with you.” Dr. Adenhall said.  “Have you ever heard of Love Therapy?”

“No, I don’t think so.” AJ said lightly shaking his head.

“Love Therapy is usually used in cases involving children, children who have been abandon by their parents, or are adopted and not attaching themselves to the adopted parent.  In Chelsea’s case, she was left alone for years, this has caused her to withdraw her emotions, I guess you can say it’s almost like she doesn’t feel anymore.” AJ listened as the Doctor went on. 

“In the seventies a doctor by the name of Harry F. Harlow did psychological experiments on monkeys, they were called the Monkey Love Experiments.  One monkey was put in a cage with carpet on the bottom, blankets and a doll that it could hug and bond with, along with some food and water, the other monkey was given nothing but food and water, his cage was left empty.  The results were the monkey with nice cage turned out like a normal monkey, but the one with the cage that was empty had mental problems, social problems, and physical problems as well.”

“Chelsea is like the second monkey, the difference is she has known compassion, love and bond so now that her mind and body know she’s not alone in the room anymore, they are telling her this is what she needs.”

“I understand.” AJ said nodding again.  “But isn’t it too soon, I don’t want to push her, send her into a freak out or something?”

“How do you think you would do that?” The doctor asked.

“Well if I went to hug her, or even kiss her.” AJ said a little uncomfortable about the conversation.  “What if she’s not ready? What if something does happen between us and then a year from now she’s found herself and she’s a completely different person?”

“If it was some what of a different situation sure, if her father had sexually assaulted her, which he hadn’t from what I’ve been told by the FBI doctor and Chelsea herself. Then yes maybe it would be a little dangerous, but in Chelsea’s case, her abuse was the fact she received no love, she was treated like she was an animal, an object, by someone who was suppose to love her unconditionally.”

“I see” AJ said quietly.

“It would probably also be a different story if her mother was around as well.” The Doctor said.  “But she’s not and the only other real love Chelsea knows is the one you two shared.  She doesn’t want me pressuring you, not that I would, but she’s very worried you’ll back off, you won’t want to get involved for whatever reason, maybe it would be to hard, or maybe you’re just not interested.”

“No, I want to help her.” AJ said.  “If I’m the only one who can.”

“You are Alex, I really think that for Chelsea to be able to move forward and find herself like you and the Richardson’s want, is for her to reconnect with someone, for her to feel loved and wanted in this world again.”

“I understand.” AJ said and he really did.  “So what should I do?”

“Tell her how you feel, whether it be some small feeling still there, or something more, get her to talk about what she wants from you, what she needs, go from there.” The doctor told him.  “I am going to get Chelsea to come in and you two can talk while I talk to Kevin and Anne make sure they understand about what will be happening.  If anything does happen I’m right outside come and get me.”

“Ok.” AJ nodded.  He watched as the doctor walked out of the door and then closed it behind him.  When the door clicked closed AJ let out a sigh.  His head was flooded with words as he thought about what to say to her.  The door opened and he looked up as Chelsea walked into the room.

“So, Doctor Adenhall says we’re supposed to talk.” Chelsea said as she sat down in the chair across from him.

“Yep, so how about if I start?” AJ said and Chelsea nodded.  “Remember when we were talking in hotel and I said that I would be here for you if you needed me, I want you to get better, to get your life back and I want to be around.”

“Yeah.” She said as she picked at her fingers.

“I wasn’t sure what I should say to you then, I didn’t want to tell you how I really felt because I thought it would upset you.”  AJ told her.

“Oh.” Chelsea said as she looked down.  AJ figured she was waiting for bad news so he stood up at sat down beside her and took her hands.

“I still love you Chelsea.”  AJ said and Chelsea snapped her head up and looked at him.  “I never stopped, didn’t want to.  But when you came back I thought telling you that would upset you, maybe make you panic, something you weren’t ready for.  I also thought maybe it was because I had the lingering feelings, and now that you were back it just brought it up. Plus my track record with girlfriends hasn’t been the greatest and Kevin’s brothers have always been vocal about it, what they said that night wasn’t really anything new.”

“I don’t care about that, those girls aren’t me, and it’s in the past.”  Chelsea told him.

“I know but the last thing I wanna do is hurt you.  I’m not sure I can promise I won’t.” AJ said.

“I can’t promise that either and I wouldn’t want you too.” Chelsea said and he looked at her.  “No one can Alex, people can change after a year, five years, ten years, it’s what humans do.” AJ lightly smiled at her.  “When I hugged you that night in the hospital, the first night I saw you again, it was the first time in 13 years I had felt anything and right now I don’t care if you change, you could turn into a yeti and I wouldn’t care.”  AJ lightly chuckled at her comment but he knew what she meant.

“Well I’m pretty sure you don’t have to worry about me turning into a yeti.” AJ smiled at her.

“That beard makes it a little iffy.” She joked and AJ’s jaw dropped.

“Ha ha.” AJ said as he rolled his eyes a little and then he started laughing with Chelsea.  When they had calm down AJ took her hands again and they both looked into each others eyes.  “What ever you want, or need, just ask me.  I’m not going anywhere; I just got you back why would I want to lose you all over again.”

“You don’t need this, everything that’s going on with me, my dad still out somewhere, and the tour, your solo on top of that.  You’ve been through so much; I don’t want to put more stress on you, I don’t want you thinking you have to be here because you don’t.  Doctor Adenhall and I can find another way to help me.”

“Trust me hun, it would be more stressful for me to not know what was going on with you, and I want to be here, I told you that before.”  AJ said as Chelsea took a deep breath. “Ok?”

“Ok.” She agreed and this time he wrapped his arms around her and they held each other.