Chapter 16
March 25th 2008
Things went good today at Chelsea’s doctors. Me and her got some time to talk just the two of us and I told her how I felt, that I still loved her, and why I didn’t say it sooner. It actually feels good to have told her, she knows how I feel, and I know how she feels. Chelsea told me before Dr. Adenhall came back in to his office that she still loved me too which from what I understand now is a big deal. Dr. Adenhall told me that Chelsea is having a hard time expressing her feelings, or feeling anything because of what happened. Kevin explained to me more about it when we got back from the hospital. He said that she could be mad as hell to the point where most people would start throwing shit or come out swinging and nothing. She could be sad and in pain but she’ll show nothing, say nothing. She’ll go quiet, expressionless, and he said he hadn’t really seen it until the day I left Kentucky after the fight with his brothers. Chelsea went quiet on them, she sat on the couch, she wouldn’t talk to them, they had to bring her dinner in the living room and I guess she was like that up until the first doctor’s appointment with Dr. Adenhall. I’m going to hang out for a couple of more days, Brian and the family are coming tomorrow and Kevin and I are going to talk about how Chelsea and I can have more time together, with the tour and everything. It’s been a long day, I’m going to bed.
Alex.
AJ heard someone say something outside of his door; something had jolted him from his sleep and he sat up confused. As he rubbed his eyes he heard a shout and loud pounding noises. That woke him up and he quickly climbed out of bed and dashed for the door. He opened it and leaned out into the hallway, listening.
“Go get Alex!” He heard someone shout and he closed the door to his room. When he did he saw Chelsea’s bedroom door was opened but he looked away when he heard someone running up the stairs.
“Chelsea had a nightmare, man, she took off out the back door.”
“Fuck, fuck.” AJ snapped as he turned around and ran down the hall towards the back stair case. He skipped steps as he made his way into the kitchen, the back porch door sitting open. AJ flew out the door and off the porch, he didn’t even need to think he knew where she was and ran into the brush following the trail.
“Chelsea!?” AJ shouted as he ran out into the field.
“Alex?” He heard her say from his right and he spun around quickly. She ran up to him practically jumping into his arms. “I found you.” She said.
“What?” AJ asked confused. Her arms wrapped tighter around him and he realized she was crying. “It’s ok Chels, I’m here.”
“I was so scared I didn’t know where I was and I couldn’t find you anywhere.” She cried. He picked her, cradling her in his arms. It was cold and they were both in their pajamas, AJ without a shirt. When he turned around he saw Kevin standing there with a blanket. AJ let Kevin tuck the blanket around her and then they headed back towards the house. Anne was standing at the back porch waiting for them and she opened the door as they walked up to the porch steps. He carried her up the stairs and back to her room.
“Are you ok now?” AJ asked her as he laid her back down on her bed. She didn’t say anything but nodded lightly. “You wanna talk about the dream?”
“No” She said shaking her head.
“Chels, Dr. Adenhall said.” She interrupted him.
“I know, I just got confused when I woke that’s all.” She said quietly.
“Chels.” AJ said as he did what Dr. Adenhall told him to do, push a little more to get her to talk, to open up. She looked away and took a breath; her chest fluttered a little the lingering effects of her crying.
“I’m in my room but not in Mexico it was when we were in Texas I think, we stayed there for a while, then a year or so ago we left for Mexico, I think. Not very good with the time line.”
“It’s ok.” AJ said with a light smile.
“Anyways” She said after taking another breath. “He use to have these episodes where he would get mad, I don’t know why, maybe he found out the police were on to him, or just cause he was insane. Something would set him off and..” She stopped and closed her eyes, AJ watched as she fought back her tears.
As he sat on the bed with her he raised his hand and gently brushed his fingers along her cheek, she looked at him and he pulled her into his arms. He slid his arms gently up her back as he held her.
“What would happen when he would freak out?” AJ asked.
“He’d take it out on me, he would tell me how I ruined his life, that for years it was just him and Mom, and then I came along. He would hit me and I couldn’t go anywhere, I couldn’t even try for the door, the…the chain wasn’t very long.”
“Chels” AJ said sadly as he closed his eyes.
“He would pin me under things, the shelf, the chair, once he even flipped the bed onto me, he would choke me, asking if I would fight this time, saying this time he’d do it right.” She started crying again. “I didn’t do anything, I don’t even know what he’s talking about.”
“I do.” Anne said from the doorway, it startled both of them and they pulled away. Anne walked over to Chelsea and sat beside her near the top of her bed. “Your father never wanted kids, your mom was pregnant before, twice before but she miscarried both. She told us it was medical, she would tell us about appointments to find the problem, but we always wondered.” Anne took Chelsea’s hand. “When she got pregnant with you, you’re father beat her up, and put her in the hospital. But you.” She said pointing at Chelsea. “You we’re as strong as your mother, and you pulled through too. That’s how he ended up in jail; it wasn’t after you were born like she told you.”
“Why didn’t she tell me this?” Chelsea asked.
“She didn’t want you thinking that you weren’t special, that you weren’t a miracle because to her and us you were. She didn’t want you to know what kind of father you really had, she didn’t want you thinking you would end up as evil and angry as he was and she thought he was going to be in jail for a long time, we all did.” Chelsea wiped her eyes as a couple of tears dripped down. The sound of Mason crying made everyone look at Kevin.
“Did I wake him?” Chelsea asked.
“No” Kevin said with a light smile and shook his head. He then left the doorway and walked down the hall towards his room.
“That baby sleeps like his Father darling, don’t worry.” Anne said with a smile and it made Chelsea laugh. “I’m going to make some tea, do you want some?”
“Yeah” Chelsea said with a nod. Anne lightly smiled at her and got up from the bed.
“Alex did you want a coffee?” Anne asked stopping in the way. AJ looked at the clock in Chelsea’s room, 4:38 am the clock read.
“Would love some thanks.” He lightly smiled.
“It makes more sense now.” Chelsea said quietly.
“What does hun?” AJ asked
“Why she did what she did after Dad took me. Why she killed herself. It wasn’t just the fact she didn’t protect me that day, it was the fact I was the third one she couldn’t protect, after almost losing me the same way she lost the others, only to have me live, and grow and then taken away again?” Chelsea told him. “I almost wish Heaven wasn’t real, cause I don’t wanna know what she thought when she died and found out I was still alive, if she even went to Heaven?” She asked as she started crying again.
“I’m sure she did Chelsea” AJ said. “I think if she wasn’t there you wouldn’t be here today.”
“I miss her so much Alex.” Chelsea cried. AJ pulled her into his arms again and held her as she let it out. AJ didn’t say anything he just held her, giving her some place safe to cry and let out some of her feelings. “What do you do?” She asked.
“What do mean?”
“What do you do, with the feeling that any minute she’s going to walk through that door, she’s going to hold me and tell me its ok.” Chelsea asked him.
“I dunno.” AJ said to her. “You deal with it and move forward, you remind yourself that it’ll get easier. You’ll always feel that way from time to time, you’ll always miss her, but the more people around you who remember her and share your memories the easier it’ll get.” AJ told her as he pulled away. “Just don’t shut her away, talk about her, keep her in your mind and you’ll find that it could turn into comfort, remembering her.” She lightly smiled as he brushed her bang behind her ear.
“Wanna go get that tea now?” He asked as she wiped her eyes one last time.
“Sure” She said with a nod. “When did you start drinking coffee, thought you didn’t like the smell of it.”
“When I stopped drinking Jack Daniels.” AJ said as he helped her up from the bed.
“Ah.” She nodded.
“Plus you know I’ve always been an insomniac, it helps be burn out easier at the end of the day, and coffee’s not so bad now either, some pretty good smelling ones.” He said with a bright smile. They walked out into the hallway and saw Kevin walking down with Mason in his arms. Chelsea reached out and Kevin smiled as he handed his son to her. She started goggling at him and making noises as she walked down the hall, AJ looked at Kevin and lightly smile.
“She ok now?” Kevin asked as they walked down the hall.
“Think so.” AJ nodded. “I’m just glad there was no snow outside.” Kevin lightly laughed and nodded in agreement.
“Man for someone who was stuck in a room for 13 years she sure is quick.” Kevin said as they stopped at the top of the stairs.
“She always was.” AJ said with a smile. “She could kick your ass, she still can.”
“Huh?” Chelsea said as she turned around
“He thinks you could still kick my butt.” Kevin said rolling his eyes.
“I could.” Chelsea said with a nod then she looked down at Mason in her arms. “And if he gives you trouble you remember that.” AJ and Anne started laughing and Kevin just grumbled as he sat down.
“I’ve missed you.” Kristin sighed as she lightly hugged Chelsea.
“So what time does Brian get in?” Chelsea asked as Anne took Mason and she sat down in front of her tea.
“After lunch he said he’d call when they’re about a half hour away.” Kevin said as he took a sip from his coffee.
The group of people sat at the table talking, telling Chelsea about Baylee, about Brian and Leigh-Anne getting together, and they talked about how she was the one that broke the mold, she was the one that made every say, “Hey look, they have girlfriends.”
AJ looked over at Chelsea as the table started laughing at a joke Kevin told and he saw her staring at the bottom of her cup. He slid his hand over and gently tapped her arm, she looked up.
“Getting tired?” He asked.
“Yeah” She said as she nodded lightly.
“K” AJ said with a smile as he stood up from the table.
“Going back to bed?” Kevin asked Chelsea as she stood up. She nodded and then said goodnight to everyone.
AJ walked up the back stairs and down the hall to her bedroom door. He opened it and walked in, smiling as she walked in behind him. As he closed the door Chelsea crawled into her bed and under the blankets. He lightly smiled at her as he walked over to her bed, she looked at him her eyes barely open as the comfort of her bed pulled her into slumber.
“Alex?” She asked as he knelt down beside her, he tilted his head and waited for her to say something. “Will you stay, just till I fall asleep?” she asked.
“Of course.” He smiled at her as he brushed her hair away from her face. She lightly smiled as she took his hand.
It didn’t take long for her to fall asleep and he wondered how much was the tea and how much was how safe he made her feel. He decided to wait a couple of more minutes before heading back into his room and he laid his head on her bed. His eyes started to fluttered and he thought he better sit up before he fell asleep but no sooner did his mind think it, did it happened. Sitting on the floor, leaning against her bed, his head laying on the mattress, AJ fell asleep, a deep sleep, something he hadn’t done in a long time.
